What do you think the rule should be for who pays on the first date?

ohdiddly · 2022-03-08T01:48:17+00:00

There aren’t any rules. It depends on the people and the situation. In my opinion it’s really weird to expect anyone to pay for your meal if it wasn’t explicitly agreed upon beforehand. I never even knew it was a thing that the person who asks for the date is expected to pay.

Caring_Cactus · 2022-03-08T05:56:59+00:00

This whoever asked the other person out imo is a bad mentality. It should be 50/50, or talked about before hand to decide if a date is worth it. If neither person wants to pay then neither should have go on the date in the first place.

-Solaris_ · 2022-03-08T01:40:10+00:00

Yeah I'm in the "avoid spending any money on the first date" camp.

It's better to get to know each other first, including potential gender role expectations/preferences, so no one is caught off-guard.

errrright · 2022-03-08T03:31:07+00:00

I don’t think there should be any “rules” because each person has their own preferences and expectations when it comes to paying for the first date. You may not agree with each person’s preference but that’s all part of vetting, right?

purplish_possum · 2022-03-08T03:37:27+00:00

I'm OK with paying for the room at Motel 6.

BingB0ngDaWitchIsDed · 2022-03-08T04:07:16+00:00

I usually Play rock Paper Scissors, Looser Pays

theogfrankcastle · 2022-03-08T01:39:44+00:00

I'd say it depends on how you'd like the rest of your relationship to be like.

50/50? Okay then split the bill.

More traditional? Okay you pay.

The ball's in your court my friend, and how receptive she is will help you decide if you wanna continue the relationship or not.

2022-03-08T01:31:52+00:00

Depends on the person.

I pay for all dates I go on, since I am usually the one planning them.

50/50 makes some women feel more at ease cause I guess some guys believe (or the women think) that because a dude pays he expects sex.

greedyleopard42 · 2022-03-08T06:11:17+00:00

if she asked you, she should have at the very LEAST been prepared to do a 50/50. at the VERY least.

baresquad · 2022-03-08T01:53:51+00:00

There are no rules. Whoever pays for the first date is really not big of a deal as people make it.

Do whatever. Stop worrying about rules that don’t exist. I mean you might not get what you’re looking for and that’s ok, you got what you want by not wanting to pay, who cares? Be secure in that choice and accept whatever consequence or pay and get on with your lives

I pay because I just don’t care. If she wants to go half or pay on the first date, she’ll stop me. Simple. Because there are no rules

IrishSkillet · 2022-03-08T04:38:31+00:00

As a man. I plan on paying for the first date. I love to see her reach for her wallet though even if I tell I’ve got it. If she does she has a much better chance for a 2nd date.

Your_Couzen · 2022-03-08T05:52:04+00:00

Paying first is recommended for the first date. It’s shows initiative to just grab the check and pay it. Even if the girl is a 50/50 girl the act itself without making a big deal about it shows some type of values aside from it being traditional. It’s revealing that you can afford to pay for two people without making a big deal about it. Not paying or going half, even if you have money. Will look like you don’t have money even if that’s not true. It can hurt you very much.

billsull_02842 · 2022-03-08T07:21:30+00:00

the man ends up doing all the paying in the end because the majority of women that go in the workplace and supplant men are not planning to support themself.

KirthWGersen · 2022-03-08T07:46:10+00:00

It is a cultural thing. Where I live people go out a lot, meals and drinks are cheap and people almost always split the bill. And there is also no tipping in restaurants and bars. It cuts down on all kinds of awkwardness and treats everyone as an equal.

Dating is not much of a thing here either. It is just two people going out and spending time with each other.

I think this whole dating and paying thing is largely a North American concept.

OfCatandPagan · 2022-03-08T08:21:51+00:00

Split the bill always split the bill unless the person specifically says it's their treat, personally I'd still split the bill.

Bandit174 · 2022-03-08T02:17:33+00:00

rock, paper, scissors

rivetcitymayor · 2022-03-08T02:51:10+00:00

I don’t mind paying on the first date even if it doesn’t go anywhere cause I’m not taking her to any expensive place anyway

LowCreddit · 2022-03-08T02:19:39+00:00

I pay on the first date because I am sexist. I recognize that men and women are different and should act and be treated differently. Anyone who doesn't act this way is recognized as socially awkward. Anyone who says it out loud is also recognized as socially awkward.

midwesternMD · 2022-03-08T03:23:01+00:00

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so I think that generally, the man should ask the woman out, and the man should pay. That said, I’ve always been in a position to pay for first dates without breaking the bank. Ie: even when I was the “broke” college kid, income earned during my summers off was my “fun money” for the year. Now, well, I earn a relatively healthy salary.

If I’m honest, I’m not sure if I would feel the same way if I were grinding it out making 30-50k/yr or whatever my age-matched average income would be.

kissmetilyouredrunk · 2022-03-08T01:45:45+00:00

I have no idea why a young, attractive women would select for men who won't spend money on her

hari_hbp · 2022-03-08T03:23:09+00:00

My only question regarding this is - what if there's no second date? Its not like every first date will work out. Doesn't that mean, if a man is made to pay on the first date, he incurs a loss for every failed first date? Would women have the decency to split the bill if they dont like the guy or would it be a case of "atleast I got a free meal out of it" ?

42nanaimobars · 2022-03-08T02:10:44+00:00

50/50 unless you’ve met the ultimate dream person who captivates your sole!

luv_ya · 2022-03-08T05:03:40+00:00

I offer to pay, she declines and wants 50/50, I then offer again, if she accepts then great, if not and she demands to pay 50/50 then we split bill.

Kaisha001 · 2022-03-08T08:40:22+00:00

If women are gonna be hypergamous, they're gonna have to start paying for the guy :)

2022-03-08T14:19:42+00:00

I think if she invited you she should be the one to pay. Unless it was very casual way of saying something among the lines "we should have a dinner together". Then yeah I would say 50/50.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-03-08T14:52:05+00:00

Talk about it beforehand, make no assumptions. Everyone ends up knowing what is happening. It all works out.

Sabrepill · 2022-03-08T03:52:20+00:00

Forget everything ever told to you, especially by women, because unless the woman is a progressive or a feminist, her advice will always suggest that you pay (because women are thinking idealistically of a man whom they are already attracted to). You don’t ask fish how to catch fish, you ask a fisherman.

Do not pay for her on the first date unless she shows obvious interest. If she shows obvious interest: pay the bill. You’re now courting her and should be a masculine gentleman, and by paying you are taking the lead as well as providing for a woman who appreciates you.

If she doesn’t make it clear she’s interested in you on the date, split the bill. You’re not courting a woman who’s not obviously into you. If you pay for her, all you are doing is psychology confirming her suspicion that you are a chump who easily parts with his resources for nothing in return.

Ideally a first date should be something that has minimal to no cost so that you can feel each other out and see if there is truly mutual attraction. Sit down dinner is often a terrible first date because of this, the pressure, and the interview like vibes it creates.

All of this advice has 0 to do with money or being cheap. You are demonstrating high value male behaviors. High value men provide for women who appreciate and respect them, but high value men are also not afraid of confrontation with women and make it clear that they will not court a woman who isn’t interested in them mutually.

Low value men will either not pay the bill when the woman likes him: which is dumb because masculine males lead and provide for deserving women. And other low value men will pay the bill when it was a forgettable date and the woman didn’t show interest, because he is afraid of making her upset.

TLDR: Pay the bill if she shows interest, split the bill if she doesn’t

DaphneDK42 · 2022-03-08T07:15:11+00:00

I don't give a shit. Its like what, 20 bucks. Why is this such an enormous issue in the USA?

LatterSeaworthiness4 · 2022-03-08T02:44:38+00:00

If she’s progressive enough to ask a man out she’s also progressive enough to be paying the bill. If she doesn’t want to pay, then wait for a man to ask her out. Simple as that.

If I were asking a stranger to coffee or lunch for business or networking purposes, I would also offer to pay. These courtesies extend far past the dating scene.

poppy_blu · 2022-03-08T02:12:29+00:00

Yeah she probably should have paid.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-03-08T02:28:04+00:00

Every guy I dated always paid ,even if I offered half . Some even appeared to be slightly offended cause I offered. Think it's definitely a stance of different strokes for different folks .

However they invited me on a date . Guess if we use the logic sense of who asks who out then yea she should of paid on the first.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-03-08T03:10:19+00:00

Im in the boat and was taught who asks pays. You dont ask your guest to pay. If I asked a man on date Im paying.

I have asked men out before all the whiners come out saying women never ask out a man. More do than you think.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-03-08T03:13:23+00:00

Split the bill. If a guy gets too insistent on paying for me, it shows he's more traditional than I like, and I'll leave him.

Coolio_Street_Racer · 2022-03-08T03:09:36+00:00

That depends on what you want. Do you want a traditional relationship or a non-traditional equal one.

afkawayrn · 2022-03-08T01:50:51+00:00

Every girl I’ve ever gone on a date with asked to split, unless the asked before hand if they needed to bring money. I alwaus still take care of it, but it’s a good sign of character I feel if they try to do it. I always show I appreciate the courtesy but I’d like to be a gentleman.

You probably did the most broke un-gentleman thing ever

LetsDelveIntoIt1 · 2022-03-08T01:50:59+00:00

Unless you come from a conservative place, I find it offputting if the person who asks out the other person on a date doesn't pick up the whole tab automatically. Otherwise it's just weird - she can subvert gender roles by asking you out but conveniently embrace gender roles when it comes to paying? Garbage.

Sudden_Difference500 · 2022-03-08T03:17:34+00:00

I’ve always thought that no matter what, you should pay for what you order. No 50/50, no “who ever invited pays.” Idk why but those two things bother me, pay for your own shit.

DillonTheFatUglyMale · 2022-03-08T04:16:58+00:00

Man pays or split the bill Thr lady never pays

mackenzie013_02 · 2022-03-08T02:00:39+00:00

I agree with you; splitting the bill is tacky. Whoever invites the person out should pay. When I ask someone out I pay for it and then we rotate asking out/paying (if I didn’t hear back I assumed he’s not interested). 🤷🏻‍♀️

However, that will never work for the vast majority of people in North America.

Orange_Paisley · 2022-03-08T03:09:53+00:00

I’m of the opinion that the person who suggested the date should be prepared to pay for both. That said, if I’m asked on a date I will offer to pay my share or suggest buying the next round or whatever. Usually once a dating relationship has developed we’ve taken turns.

TRDF3RG · 2022-03-08T03:56:37+00:00

When someone asks someone else out on a date, there's an implied "let ME show YOU a good time," so yes, whoever asks should expect to pay.

tiposk · 2022-03-08T04:19:08+00:00

Top pays, bottom is paid for; that’s how it always works/is coded. The reason men are expected to pay is that patriarchal, allistic, cisheteronormative, amatonormative culture (or what conservatives would call “just the way things are”) codes men/males as tops and dominants and women/females as bottoms and submissives implicitly. Most of the social coding miscommunications that cishet men and women run into come down to this, and the fact that even a large swath of cishet people fail to conform to their gender code entirely, meaning they’re always gonna run into some situation with their partner where they code things differently/oppositely.

What happened in your situation is that you both had entirely separate frames in regards to your gender/power dynamic. You were coming from a place of gender equality and an equal/balanced power dynamic; the payer was determined in your mind by the person who assumed the role of asking, and thus was not dependent on gender. She was coming from a place of traditionalism in terms of power and gender; this means that in her mind, asking you out was not a form of dominance, topping, or taking responsibility for setting up the situation, but instead her signaling to you as a sub/bottom that she is interested in your pursuing her, and now it’s your turn to demonstrate your worth as a top/dominant by leading her into and through whatever you want to/plan on doing to/with her, and to do so in a way that impressive and favorable to what she needs and wants as a sub without her having to do excess communication labor for you to know that. Basically, men are the big strong smart rich people who do and run things and follow their utmost whims, so if you were that kind of man, you’d just be able to read her mind and body, know who she is in an instant, pay for whatever, and know how to act/talk hot enough for her to be turned on enough that she’d let you fuck her brains out. In other words, because of this small choice, it’s now been established that implicitly you are a left-leaning male feminist and she is a red pill man trapped in a woman’s body. In other words, you two couldn’t be less compatible. I’d say you probably dodged a near literal bullet, because there’s no telling how many straight-white well-meaning beta male feminists she’s been blue-billed by on dates, and a girl can only take so much of that before murder starts looking like a rational option lol

feistykalorina · 2022-03-08T05:42:40+00:00

Lol good luck in the dating scene

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-03-08T01:47:09+00:00

Whoever asks for the date should be the one that pays for it (and yes I've had other guys on here be like "so basically you're saying men should pay") I do not care, if that bothers one so much discuss it beforehand, or hopefully you find a girl that offers to pay her half, but yes that's my rule, even though my wife ended up paying for our first date.

Also just general advice to men no need to break the bank on first dates, depending on if it's dinner, something classy enough but affordable, shout out to Applebee's😭

snipe4fun · 2022-03-08T03:25:11+00:00

Did I ask you to have dinner? I’m paying. Did you suggest we have dinner? You’re probably paying though I’ll probably offer to go Dutch. Am I in a weird situation where there was a fraudulent charge on my card and my bank shut it down and now all I have is the ten bucks in my wallet until I get my new debit card? I’m gonna think about trying to be a Chad and suggest you buy my drink but probably I’m gonna just have my one beer, over tip, and leave even though you just told me you like me (not the first time but isn’t that what cute bartenders are supposed to do even when they aren’t on that side of the bar?) and have scooted two seats nearer to me and now I’m nervous so… now you’re telling me I should have just run a tab since I’m a regular and you really wanted to hang out with me but I didn’t want to be a mooch. I’m gonna get this right, sooner or later.

didosfire · 2022-03-08T03:28:26+00:00

100% agreed with OP. you ask, you assume you'll be paying and offer at the very least. in relationships i tend maintain 50/50, but including very open communication about it that you might not be comfortable having with someone in the early stages, except in instances when one of us has been the higher earner by a notable margin (ive personally been on both sides of this), in which that person pays for more things, but not everything, and still reaches for their wallets most of the time even if it's just for a polite "are you sure?" thank you ritual. i probably wouldn't call her back either

gimpgirl555 · 2022-03-08T06:29:09+00:00

I'm curious if I'm wrong in thinking that the person who asks the other person out is the one who should pay on the first date. Do people here, where I assume you'll be more honest, think it's just on men to pay regardless?

It depends on the dynamic. Usually the less hot/lower value person pays.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2022-03-08T03:59:56+00:00

This is one of those cases where there's a double standard and it feels we men are being given contradictory messages, which is true.

Even then, the woman wants to feel courted and treated. So paying definitely leaves the date with a better closure.

Is it fair or how things should be in an equal world? No. But we aren't full equality yet and double standards still exist.

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Severe-Pirate · 2022-03-08T04:20:22+00:00

Imo, whoever ask the other person out should pay. If someone wants another person to take time out of their day to go on a date with them, the least they could do is pay it.

neetykeeno · 2022-03-08T04:51:44+00:00

If she asks you out on a first date she should pay.

The reason asker pays is to avoid unseemly and overly prying forced conversations between comparative strangers about money. The person who asks gets to select an activity they can afford. The person who has been asked has a choice...take it or leave it...and should not try to suggest a different activity because that too can lead to people having to volunteer information about finances that that their level of current intimacy does not warrant. Etiquette is very strong on appropriate social distance and not causing others to feel obligated. Asker pays, the date is a no obligation gift to the person who has been asked.

She was either ignorant of the expectations or she wanted a free meal. If you are feeling uneasy rather than just awkward I would tend towards saying she wanted a free meal.

2022-03-08T04:59:58+00:00

Personally, I’d pay every time. It should be you who asks someone out on a date though, being upfront about who’s paying early is better than leaving it till last minute.

digidydang · 2022-03-08T05:01:19+00:00

Male.. female... Talk about it. Do something nice. If you can't; well...

Automatic_Sleep_4723 · 2022-03-08T05:02:31+00:00

She invited you. She should have paid.

tired_hillbilly · 2022-03-08T05:04:11+00:00

Depends what kind of first date, and how I met this woman.

Do I already know her? Was she reasonable as far as how expensive she made things? Did I have a good time? I'd be happy to pay if these are all yes.

Did I just meet her either in OLD or irl? Did she buy a ton of expensive drinks/food? Was she insufferable? Does it seem like I'm being used for a free meal? If these are yes, I'm probably not going over 50/50. If she's extremely insufferable, I'm making an excuse to step away and sticking her with the whole bill.

_Oh_Be_Nice_ · 2022-03-08T05:06:51+00:00

Whoever asks first, pays first. Then alternate or split it.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-03-08T05:54:54+00:00

In general the one who plans the date should pay for the date as they know what kind of budget they are looking to spend.

It is also a respectful thing to plan the date if you ask, and each side should plan 50% of the dates.

personally when I have a good time on a date, I message them after words and, for better words, tell them if they would like to see me again they will have to voice interest and ask and plan the next date.

LeDaveys · 2022-03-08T06:12:29+00:00

I think you and your date should talk about that before the date. Of course, if you can offer to pay, even better. But it should never just be "the guy pays first" or something like that. You're dating this person, things should be equal/even.

I usually offer to pay if it's me who's taking a date out, which I'm sure is what most would say anyway.

BleuSansFil · 2022-03-08T07:14:15+00:00

Yup, the bill is a test for the man but also for the woman. Even though, life would be easier imo if we had culture and codes about it.

DrinkItInMan11 · 2022-03-08T07:30:38+00:00

You pay for what you order simple as that, women who expect men to pay are inherently low value women. Men who pay for women are low value men, stop being a simp. She's an adult isn't she? That means she can pay for her own stuff.

Women who expect men to pay also tend to have extremely high egos and think men should have to earn their time, you're not that special, your time isn't worth a damn.

666lucy6 · 2022-03-08T07:30:46+00:00

I think its wise to always bring enough money to pay for yourself, and the other person JUST IN CASE. I've had a few situations where my friends card declined, they forgot their wallet, the place only took cash ect. So I always do my best to guess about how much I'll need for myself and the other person, plus tipping and what not. If the other person offers to pay, I let them, and say "Thanks, ill get us next time. " its a good way to hint at a second date if everything went well. If they don't offer to pay, I offer. If the decline then we just both pay our own.

danny119512 · 2022-03-08T07:49:45+00:00

I don't think anyone should expect you to pay

stlmick · 2022-03-08T07:58:51+00:00

I'm not traditional whatsoever, but I'm a guy, so I just pay it. Its a cultural thing here in the US, and probably everywhere else. I will say that I do ok and have a low cost of living, so its not something I have to budget. I will notice if the woman doesn't offer to pay or split it, and will take that into account. If she offers to pay, I'll say "its ok, I've got it". If she says anything after that, then we do that. Its customary for women to offer to pay, or split, and you pay anyways. If they say a second time, then it is impolite to refuse to let them pay or split. Its just how it is. You don't want to act like their money doesn't have value, or that it is not appreciated. I am 38 though. I don't date women who are expensive though. They can find someone else. If I get the vibe that I'm going to be paying for everything, I'll still pay for this one, but there won't be a second date. I make about 32/hr. The most I've paid on a date is probably about $80, but typical might be 20 to 40. If she's not worth half a days work to go on a first date with, I probably won't want a second one anyways. If she insists on splitting it, then she has my respect for sure.

Halepastry · 2022-03-08T08:02:02+00:00

As a guy, I naturally I’m inclined to pay regardless of if the date is good or not. I was raised that way and actually have no problems with that.

But based on todays dating market, I’m forced to play ball and make sure I’m not used I go for split or 2nd date’s on me

2022-03-08T08:22:22+00:00

There are no rules. But an important thing to remember is that you're always in competition with her options. Never spare anything you can't lose but act accordingly.

amongthemaniacs · 2022-03-08T08:34:28+00:00

It's fine for the guy to pay but at the same time you should meet up with the girl beforehand and make sure the two of you at least have some chemistry first. That way you're not wasting 50 bucks on a date only for her to be like "Sorry, I just don't feel a connection between us." Needless to say I don't recommend the OLD route unless you're only looking for a hookup. Meet women in person so you can get a general idea of whether you like each other or not before you commit to a date.

Academic_Snow_7680 · 2022-03-08T08:40:20+00:00

Split.

Tupulinho · 2022-03-08T08:44:05+00:00

Is there a need for a rule? If there is, I would say the one who invites, pays. If neither made a clear invitation, one pays for their own. I think 50/50 is problematic, because people rarely order the exact same thing. Some friends like to do it, and I dislike it passionately.

tempaccc2022 · 2022-03-08T08:51:12+00:00

gogo_boy35 · 2022-03-08T09:10:57+00:00

She was supposed to pay in that case

bludkraze · 2022-03-08T09:48:20+00:00

I always offer to go Dutch or pay. If he asked me out (and let’s face it, he did) I’m not too proactive about it. I’ll wait and see if he wants to pay before offering the above. But I’ll offer to pick up the next date, if he picks up the first one.

Tomover_PL · 2022-03-08T09:57:10+00:00

Rock Paper Scissors. Split on a draw.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-03-08T10:02:57+00:00

Be prepared to pay for yourself by default, and accept generosity if you get it. Generosity is just that and you shouldn't expect it to be exchanged for anything else, including a second date.

Dazzling-Chick · 2022-03-08T11:21:59+00:00

In my opinion it’s best to just pay for whatever you ordered.

ice_cream_for_crow · 2022-03-08T11:23:47+00:00

You’re right that whoever asks should pay. I would offer to split tbh.

Wakandalady · 2022-03-08T11:31:18+00:00

Oh no! Why did you split? If I was you, I d be walked out on her like a champ! She invited you out. Dump her she has zero manners she doesn’t respect you. To me it sounds like she is entitled that a man must pay for her. If you invited her out, yes out of courtesy I d expect you to pay, but the other way around, bro she had to pay that bill. I hope you talk about it if you like her, or just move on. She is an entitled queen

Ohms2North · 2022-03-08T13:04:11+00:00

Behave like a hooker, I treat you like a hooker. If you expect me to pay for your company, you’re a hooker

Darklillies · 2022-03-08T13:49:14+00:00

Whoever asks you out, pays. You’re inviting someone so they’re paying with their presences and you’re treating them out. I think that’s the most polite way.

NouvelleBlonder3 · 2022-03-08T14:18:30+00:00

Split. Equality goes both ways

StinkingDischarge · 2022-03-08T14:19:00+00:00

She basically invited herself to spend your money?? I'm surprised she didn't play the "I forgot my wallet" card.

KaleidoscopeEyes12 · 2022-03-08T15:18:14+00:00

If someone asked me, I’d be prepared to split the bill unless they reach to pay for the whole thing first. If I asked someone else, I’d still want to split the bill but I would be prepared to pay for the whole thing anyway. I’d especially expect to split the bill if the other person orders a nice steak and a whole bottle of expensive wine, then expects me to pay for it. If you go out with someone and they’re paying or you expect them to pay, don’t get something expensive, that’s very rude. Also kinda rude of this girl in my opinion, she basically asked you out expecting free dinner.

masochisticanalwhore · 2022-03-08T15:22:09+00:00

Whatever people want. I prefer splitting the bill evenly or each paying for what we order. If other people want to do it differently they cab. Not really my concern.

Khabeni412 · 2022-03-08T15:27:00+00:00

I don't say anything and I'll pay if she doesn't offer. But then I'll never call her again. If you can't at least offer to pay your own you'll be taking advantage of me for the whole relationship. No thanks. I had one date where she brought two friends. I "went to the bathroom" and left. Not paying for all of you that's for sure. Women always seem entitled to men's money.

2022-03-08T15:33:02+00:00

A masculine man should pay for a feminine woman on a date.

iamamoa · 2022-03-08T17:30:10+00:00

That’s a difficult one. I would say that the person who took the lead should pay.

TroupleMaker · 2022-03-08T18:00:08+00:00

Whoever invited the other person should pay unless agreed upon previously.

JoeRMD77 · 2022-03-08T18:42:03+00:00

I don't even make that much money but I always paid for the first date and subsequent ones. I guess this is an issue for people with higher incomes than me because I don't get it.

Emergency-Regret6974 · 2022-03-08T18:44:42+00:00

She asked you out and should have paid. She's probably young and just made a mistake.

Watahandrew1 · 2022-03-08T18:46:50+00:00

I can't believe you're so new at this. You should always ask the woman what her method of payment would be for the food.

She can choose

A) Cash, credit or anything she can pay for herself. B) A duel, where if she manages to win you'd pay full of what she ordered. A duel is consisting on any 1vs1 game she prefers. C)for you to pay, but that's only if you give consent to that. If you do not consent to pay her part, she cannot force you or that's economic rape. D) Body.

_-One4All-_ · 2022-03-08T19:05:49+00:00

Since women want equality and are now enjoying all the great things about equality, they should also enjoy the beauty of paying half for all couple activities

_that_dam_baka_ · 2022-03-08T19:36:17+00:00

Separate bills. Exception: taking someone to an expensive place.

BigFatBigPotato · 2022-03-08T21:29:56+00:00

Grown adults should be able to pay for their own food. If someone wants to pay as a gift, thats fine and all on them. However, If you expect the other person to pay, you are either a child or a whore.

2022-03-08T21:42:12+00:00

It’s a pleasure to pay for the company of a pretty lady at dinner - chump change. Unfortunately, those opportunities become scarce as you age. Feel fortunate that that you can do it.

prettymuchredpilled · 2022-03-08T23:11:12+00:00

Both parties should be expected to pay for their own shit, but if one party wants to pay for everything and the other party consents to that then that's fine.

However, if one party (usually the woman) expects the other party (usually the man) to pay for them, then that's childish fucking entitlement.

2022-03-08T23:23:29+00:00

There are no set rules, but I can give you my perspective as a pretty left leaning woman who dates similar men. I raised in a very liberal family/school district/city, so a lot of traditional gender norms were genuinely something I either didn’t learn about or only saw in movies/books etc. and thought were a product of a bygone time or just only existed in very rural areas.

So when I was first dating I genuinely just assumed we would split the bill, and when men would sometimes really want to pay I didn’t think it was gender related, I thought it was a sign of generosity and adopted the same behavior, insisting on paying for the next date.

I don’t have a large sample of experience as I’ve always been a relationship person and have been pretty lucky and found great partners within a few dates of being back on the market. I have a boyfriend but I can say that now that I’m a little older I would be very hesitant to go on a second date with a man who didn’t offer to pay for our first date, where I wouldn’t have thought twice when I was younger.

One reason is that not many people had the upbringing I did, and I have realized over the years that while I never viewed splitting the bill as an indication of interest and investment/worth, many men do. Kind of like how a lot of guys want women to approach them in theory, but find themselves a little turned off and apprehensive when they actually do. I realized that my desire to pay or split the bill on the first date was kind of sending the message that I was low value. And vice versa, looking back on circumstances when a man didn’t offer to pay on our first date I think they were often the men who were least interested in me. It’s unfortunate but I do think it is the case even in very progressive circles. I imagine in the next 20 or so years that will shift.

Lastly, I do think men are unaware of how much money and time most women spend to get ready for a first date. It varies greatly ofc but I would guess the average is 1-4 hours prep time, maybe more if you include a pedicure/manicure/wax. Makeup, hair products and styling tools, perfume and lotions, cute underwear and jewelry are seriously expensive and time consuming investments. Pedicure + manicure and tip is around $150, bikini wax is around $100, and the yearly investments of everything else is well into the thousands. Some women are lower maintenance, and if you are dating a woman who doesn’t do nails/makeup/remove body hair/style hair then this does not apply to the same extent. But keep in mind that before either of you even meet for your date the woman has likely already spent a lot of money and time investing in the date.

Virtual-Visual7609 · 2022-03-09T00:20:11+00:00

How attractive was she?

How else did she react?

2022-03-09T01:44:46+00:00

Honestly, I have no idea either. To get around this issue I like to go on a picnic lol. “You bring something to eat, I’ll bring something to drink”. Works perfectly for me haha.

Cauligoblin · 2022-03-09T02:07:21+00:00

If I suggest going out I pay

kyjolski · 2022-03-09T02:16:59+00:00

I think no one is entitled to my time nor resources and neither should be expected/taken for granted. This swings both ways obviously.

Bills should go 50/50, it's just common sense.

Lameador · 2022-03-09T04:03:25+00:00

It dépends so much of country, culture and social class ... The only advice I would give is that if you meet online first should be a coffee, and you can pay for that

BoogersAndSugar · 2022-03-09T15:37:11+00:00

We really need to do away with "the guy always pays" because too many people out there are just scamming guys for free stuff.

No_Inspection_7176 · 2022-03-18T00:20:47+00:00

I’ll admit I’m a bit of a traditionalist and believe in gender roles for the most part so I expect a man to pay on the first date, especially if they asked me out. I will offer to pay for my share but if they accept my offer I’m going to assume they didn’t have a good time and would probably just pay and get out of there. If I wasn’t having a good time myself I’d probably offer to pick up my half or even the whole tab if it got me out of there faster. A man planning and paying for a date is impressive to me and if I liked them and had a good time I’d let them know that I appreciated it and invite them on a second date that I plan and pay for.

LotBuilder · 2022-03-08T03:42:21+00:00

Whoever invites should pay.

chase1719 · 2022-03-08T01:40:14+00:00

If early in the date I hint that I'm possibly willing to have sex with her then she should pay for the date and blow me (not to climax) in the car.

xcheshirecatxx · 2022-03-08T04:11:08+00:00

Each pay their share

hdksndiisn · 2022-03-08T02:26:24+00:00

50/50 is pretty standard. At least she should offer to pay for her half, then you decide to pay for all or half.

sernamedeleted · 2022-03-08T04:10:01+00:00

The rule is (and should be) that mature adults discuss these things and come to a mutual agreement on how to split a dinner check. If you aren't mature enough to do this, then you aren't mature enough to have a relationship.

Neptune-Jr · 2022-03-08T04:13:07+00:00

Whoever invite whom out should pay but her not paying wouldn't be enough to not called her back. a small misunderstanding especially if the rest of the date went well. Call her.

snekhoe · 2022-03-08T04:22:17+00:00

in a situation where you asked a girl out would you prefer she ask to split the bill or prefer that you pay outright?

Title	What do you think the rule should be for who pays on the first date?
Author	Archon-Draigo
Upvotes	58
Comments	240
Date	March 8, 2022 1:29 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/t953lm/what_do_you_think_the_rule_should_be_for_who_pays/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-do-you-think-the-rule-should-be-for-who-pays.1106240 https://theredarchive.com/post/1106240

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