If you were to remarry, who would you look for?

CommercialBadger303 · 2023-09-14T16:48:51+00:00

Just staring into the abyss here, but let’s go with the 2/3. And the data that half of marriages end in divorce (so let’s say 75% of marriages are failures, since not all miserables go through with divorce). In that light, would it really matter the type to look for? The odds of being yet another statistical dumb fuck are high enough that picking randomly may be as useful as being intentional. We are hairless apes doing hairless ape shit, including our data-verifiable meticulous delusion coddling. Have a nice day! 🤪

azwildcat74 · 2023-09-14T16:53:13+00:00

They would need to have wealth/assets/income equal to or greater than those of my own, they'd need to be agreeable, they'd need to have a sex drive that matched my own, they'd need to have similar interests and life views.

Mister_Vandemar · 2023-09-14T16:30:46+00:00

I’m in the camp that does not currently expect to remarry, but, in the spirit of the question, I’d look for someone who would be comfortable with a prenup.

redditrock56 · 2023-09-14T20:52:42+00:00

If you were looking to stick your hand on a hot stove again, which features would you like the stove to have?

crypto_keeper88 · 2023-09-14T17:00:23+00:00

A woman 5 years younger, master's degree, professional career, no history of mental illness, no kids, owns own home, car, retirement account and has savings. Beyond that, has empathy, is caring, attractive with a high sex drive. Since it isn't possible to find a woman like this I'll never get married again, lol.

SpacemanLost · 2023-09-14T19:48:04+00:00

After my divorce, I instituted a hard rule to protect myself from getting into a rebound relationship like I had seen my brother and other men do.

Simply put, I told every woman I dated I had a rule: 5 years before the topic is even up for discussion.

I would present it a bit more softly and sugar coated.. something like: "Look, I recently got out of a 15 year marriage that ended by going nuclear. Part of that is on me as I got married after only knowing her for 18 months. I made a vow to myself that I would be better and not repeat my past mistakes, and that's why I won't discuss Marriage until I've known someone for at least 5 years. It protects them (you) as well as me."

I was in my early 40s, just before the advent of the smartphone, and had a number of things going for me: I was taking care of myself and back in good physical shape, had a 6-figure income (and alimony+support), and a DGAF attitude (from the hell I had just been through). My dating success rate was the complete opposite of my early 20s and teens - hitting home runs more than I struck out.

And revealing my '5 year rule' got me a lot of push back and outright nexting. Those women had a different timeline and goal, and that's ok. I got good at recognizing when I was being looked at for my providing potential more than for who I was and the fun of just being together.

I did meet one girl who I fell for hard the first time we met. She said she just wanted to be with me. After almost 7 years we were married a now a decade later we're still acting like we're in the honeymoon period.

Alatornio · 2023-09-14T18:21:32+00:00

I wont date let alone marry. You get what you deserve if divorced twice.

ijustdontcare74 · 2023-09-14T18:24:37+00:00

No one. I won’t marry again under any circumstance. No matter how good or well intentioned she may be, no matter how much of an honest woman and how much she loves me….she still has the legal options to destroy my life and put me in the poor house. Until that is no longer an option I wouldn’t even marry the Virgin Mary.

tspice1 · 2023-09-14T17:06:12+00:00

fit, feminine, and friendly
can handle the word "no"
can sincerely apologize
doesn't deflect or gaslight
respects my boundaries
doesn't have any addictions
financially responsible (no gambling history or running up debt)

Based on my list you can tell what I've seen before. SMH.

What do I need to do? Don't ignore red flags

lifeisallihave · 2023-09-14T17:48:24+00:00

I'll never put myself in such a painful situation ever again. She'd need to have her own place and come and go. No you are not moving in.

JD-Anderson · 2023-09-14T19:03:25+00:00

Jeff Bezos’ ex wife.

HereinPA1 · 2023-09-14T16:52:50+00:00

I loved being married and never had any complaints about it. But, who I was married to and who she became, different discussion.

I could see myself getting married again. But, she would have to be able to provide affection, intimacy and open communication. It was brutal being the one trying to do those things without it being reciprocated.

Prenup as well. If it happens again, and god forbid there’s another divorce, don’t think I’d be able to handle being told what she’s “entitled” to and she can’t be “disadvantaged”. Jesus when I hear that I want to punch a hole through the planet.

aerial_coitus · 2023-09-14T17:23:23+00:00

another divorce attorney

Character_Hippo90 · 2023-09-14T17:38:47+00:00

A very wealthy older female who is only interested in companionship.

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2023-09-14T20:26:43+00:00

Solid gold diamond encrusted unicorn.

MartyMcFly7 · 2023-09-14T17:57:03+00:00

Problem is, even though the data confirms that feelings change and people remarry, it ALSO confirms that 60% of those people will go on to feel differently and get divorced again.

As much as I love my GF, we've chosen just to live together (non-common-law state). We're both realists and realize that feelings can change.

I still get all my needs met, just like when I was married, but there's no hassle if/when things don't work out. No divorce, no lawyers, no discovery process, AND I get to keep 100% of any wealth I accumulate during that time. Also, I'm not responsible for any debt she gets herself into, and I don't have to worry about all my assets going to someone other than my kids.

Do your future self a favor and don't get married.

cactuscharlie · 2023-09-14T19:51:04+00:00

My wife was the best. Best friend. Amazing lover. I was so in love for nine years. Until out of nowhere she ended it for reasons that I will never understand.

It might be some personal defect, but I know in my heart I will never love like that again. Therefore I see no point in pretending. I will never marry again. In fact if I even fell in love I would pack up and move. Love isn't real and I consider it a flaw in my DNA that makes me "think" I'm in love.

I've found even dating is not for me. Everyone will always be second best. Nine years down the drain and relentless heartbreak. I don't have ten years to bet on someone to see if that works better. I mean this person would have to be smarter, hotter, funnier etc... Everything else is just settling.

Women are just for sex for me now. Or good friends. The thought of being romantically attracted to a female makes me sick to my stomach.

sixpack7506 · 2023-09-15T15:27:32+00:00

There’s a guy up the street from me… got divorced in his mid 40’s, met a woman at 50. They are now late 60’s. They both own their own house in the same neighborhood and have been “partners” since they met… he rides his bike to her place for dinner, they travel, they have the life! and no drama…. it’s actually a pretty cool situation and they’re both very happy. That’s what I want…

stent00 · 2023-09-14T17:12:31+00:00

AI wifoo

Majestic_Island5286 · 2023-09-14T18:40:37+00:00

Someone who is not co-dependent, has their own life, interests, friends, etc.

Where we can be our own individuals, but partners who help make each other better people.

whiskey_piker · 2023-09-15T01:14:13+00:00

Took the swing again. Turns out highly educated, incredibly attractive, 15yrs younger w/ a kid the same age as my youngest and on a spiritual healing journey is the answer.

Realistically, the best thing for men that have learned their divorce lesson, is that as we age we get more attractive and more powerful and we can attract the top talent of the generation behind us. Then your only issue is avoiding becoming a fat fuck & coping with the fact that Top Gun was released before they were born.

Certain-Line-6351 · 2023-09-15T02:21:36+00:00

I don’t mind dating long term. No marriage.

Backyardbaby67 · 2023-09-15T03:33:58+00:00

…Two thirds of us will remarry again?

chuckles

…Guys sure do love complicating their lives…

GreenUse1398 · 2023-09-15T07:11:59+00:00

What would I be looking for? A psychiatric evaluation.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2023-09-14T19:52:33+00:00

I think most women nowadays are mentally ill, brought on by everyone telling them they can have it all. Only the level is different.

hkbk2011 · 2023-09-14T17:08:07+00:00

Someone who is really into me (love me) just for who I am. Personality wise it’s compatible. She doesn’t care about my status money or messed up past. She has sex drive enough to make relationship interesting. Respects and supports me no matter what. Someone, even if I am fully paralyzed she is there for me until last my breath.

warrior_up · 2023-09-14T17:10:00+00:00

no kids, never had a hoe phase or promiscuous past, little/no social media presence, tattoos, daddy issues, has money, doesnt need a marriage contract

jrs798310842 · 2023-09-14T17:26:20+00:00

sex drive that matches mine, brunette and fit. Having a good income that equals or supersedes mine. I'll bang anything that moves but i ain't gunna sniff marriage unless she meets that criteria

Mynewadventures · 2023-09-14T19:14:18+00:00

A 95 year old wealthy woman with no heirs or cats.

I will show her the time of her life for as long as she has left!

I'm good like that.

SecretDoctor8121 · 2023-09-14T20:19:38+00:00

The absolutely fcking noone.

WillyT_21 · 2023-09-14T20:58:53+00:00

Honesty, respect, adoration....but above all.....she would need to have HIGH self esteem and not complain and compare all the time.

In order for me to get the respect and adoration I will not stop until it comes......the woman will need to have contentment and self esteem. All the other things are minor details. I won't settle. Also I'm perfectly content going at it alone. I enjoy waking up in my king size bed every day with a big smile on my face.

I have a son who adores me and has a good heart. It cost me everything in order to not be removed from his life. And now I reap all the benefits. I'm like Job.....my latter days are truly better than the former. And getting better and better.

probebeta · 2023-09-14T21:20:31+00:00

Getting remarried is a mistake imo. Why would I do it if it doesn't serve me. If it's just the show sure, but bringing the state into my life.. why.

Bernie51Williams · 2023-09-15T00:42:42+00:00

Never. Nothing. Unless she is incredibly wealthy I have no understanding how it could possibly benefit you. They can kill you (pull the plug) they offer nothing in marriage and it makes no logical sense.

Never, it will never even be considered and I'd leave a woman that day if it was her dealbreaker regardless of attraction, situation etc...I've left them for a lot less. I'm simply out to live my as I planned and achieve the peace I've worked for.. Nobody will control me, I will follow the path I have set forth and planned for.

A woman/partner is meant to COMPLIMENT your life not write it.

Stay Focused, pussy is a motherfucker.

chicken_po_boy · 2023-09-15T01:28:57+00:00

I’m bi so I have more choices than most of you straight guys, lol.

Next time I would not marry a woman, I would marry a guy. I’m dating a guy and I am finding it is a big relief, there are several advantages:

Neither one of us spends money frivolously. We are not cheap but spend money intentionally.
There are no preconditions for sex (e.g. housework, laundry).
We are both active and help keep each other fit, running, cycling, go to the gym together etc
He does not expect me to read his mind. When he says “I’m fine” it REALLY MEANS “I’m fine”. Neither one of us is complicated to figure out.
We both find happiness from within and do not expect it to be out partner’s job to ‘make’ each other happy (although we are happy together).
As men we both like to provide so we don’t have the expectation that ‘it’s his job to provide for me’
We can both be out the door in 15 minutes if needed. We are always on time when we go somewhere.

Mountain_Split_2381 · 2023-09-15T10:45:48+00:00

Marriage is a GAMBLE! Period.

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-09-15T12:09:35+00:00

Old Dude here. When I was young and dating, politics wasn't as divisive as it is now. I always leaned conservative. My women generally did, too, but you have to expect SOME liberal streaks in young women. As long as they believed in basic traditional law and order, and you could reason with them, and they were capable of linear thinking, and they could appreciate both sides of an argument without emotion, that was good enough.

In fact, that's still my criteria. They don't need to be MAGA Republicans (I'm not). But I'd like to see some basic traditional law and order values absent emotion. That's good enough.

But, I think that ship has sailed. It seems that women today can't have a political discussion without getting emotional. Everything is super-polarized. I haven't chatted in ages with a new woman, but I expect it would go like this...

me: "I believe in private property rights."
her: "Oh, so you're a Nazi? You're literally Hitler?"
me: "I think the USA should protect its borders."
her: "Oh, so you hate brown people? You racist bigot!"
me: Sigh...

averagesnowman69 · 2023-09-15T17:07:00+00:00

It’s a hard no for me.

morrowrd · 2023-09-15T19:58:39+00:00

I will never get married again. It's a bad deal....for men.

Queen_Mermaid13 · 2023-09-16T02:14:12+00:00

I've heard the best way to find someone is to let it happen and not go looking

david10277 · 2023-09-14T23:07:17+00:00

Remarry...ahahha wow do guys actual repeat this ordeal.

Ok lemme give it a shot..

20yrs younger, a Entrepreneur, no kids , well travelled , super freaky , long curly hair, loves to swallow , can cook a meal , can hold a great conversation...has not been westernized, wait ..that's a unicorn

I'll remain single ..thx

Why would I risk the same outcome or remain stuck because I'm too old to leave.

I'll remain single ..enjoy my freedom, travel and keep my various options , and create more memories I will keep 4 options

1 for kinky sex 1 for good convo 1 for business 1 for hanging out with..

Will never put all my eggs in 1 basket.

Jbr74 · 2023-09-14T18:09:31+00:00

I have a girlfriend now (Been divorced for 4+ years) and the one requirement I had for a relationship was someone who had been cheated on, but not cheated themselves.

Because I fully believe that once a cheater always a cheater (especially in women). And I wanted someone who knew what betrayal also felt like and doesn't want that again or impose it on anyone.

I still don't see myself getting married again though, but if I did it might be if I was dying and I wanted her to get my benefits after I'm gone.

Throwawaysi1234 · 2023-09-14T17:12:24+00:00

Hard requirements:

no history of infidelity
ok with a prenup that establishes equitable child support amounts and a 65/35 asset split for infidelity
open to a much more detailed way of communicating in finances and housework than most couple practice. Scheduling housework each week, coming up with a good way to equitably pay bills

Preferences:

equal or more growth assets/income. Like if her 401k is in greater shape and she has a house that's damn good
has kid(s) of her own and we both take good care of each others kids.
below average drug/alcohol use

BaldieGoose · 2023-09-14T23:47:46+00:00

Will sign a prenup

Doesn't mind being step mommy but doesn't want kids or have them

Decent cook

Actually likes masculine men and being a feminine woman who is at least somewhat serving and domesticated

Probably Asian for the smooth skin and good aging

High sex drive (2-3x a day)

Doesn't have any bad habits (eg smoking)

Will actually be loyal

WindowFuzz · 2023-09-14T20:11:51+00:00

I think in each of our lives, there are major inflection points where our characters change. For women, the next one is menopause (40% of women have a decline in libido and 20% become asexual) and for men, the next is andropause (when our testosterone levels decline and impotence increases--about 60% of men over the age of 50 have some form of impotence). I think if you meet a partner after that transition, there is a reasonable likelihood that their character/libido will remain fairly stable. If you marry before the menopause transition, then there is a 60/40 chance that their libido will significantly decline. I think a prenup makes sense--Costner's case is unique because of the amount of wealth he has. I'm up for remarrying to the right person, after they've gone through the menopause transition and understand their new level of libido that biology has naturally created for them.

soontobesolo · 2023-09-14T20:22:09+00:00

Never again.

The 2/3rd are fools.

I'd love a life partner, and someone to grow old with and love forever. But I ain't gonna marry her.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-09-14T20:22:23+00:00

She needs to have a house of her own, upper middle class , no kids or grown adults. And agreement to a prenup before engagement and marriage

SuperConfused40 · 2023-09-14T22:37:21+00:00

Billionair supermodel

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-09-14T22:40:29+00:00

Someone nonexistant lol.

kharon86 · 2023-09-14T23:46:56+00:00

I'd look for the brain tumor im clearly growing to make such a dumb decision again.

prepend · 2023-09-15T00:12:00+00:00

I think each person in the relationship needs to have their own career and financial independence.

TadpoleNo9258 · 2023-09-15T01:08:08+00:00

A good and GD fearing women :)

latamluv · 2023-09-15T02:46:58+00:00

I might get married again but no way will I be leveraged financially and this time I’ll have a “quick hook” because if I’m going to be miserable I’m going to do that alone.

TrentP1403 · 2023-09-15T12:06:37+00:00

She should be adventurous, good looking, willing to have sex a couple times a week for starters. Already has kids so doesn't want to start a family.

DocHolliday80 · 2023-09-15T14:01:58+00:00

We all have great expectations and requirements, but with a few exceptions, second or third marriages usually involve people with baggage (ex-hot-no-job-women, single moms, substance abuse, mental illness…). We all have some baggage.

Maybe we get lucky, and find a unicornish lady, and manage to establish a healthy relationship with her;but I feel it is more likely that we may feel lonely after years of holding the fort by ourselves, and then one of these women that doesn’t check all (or none) the boxes crosses our path and soft talks her way into our life.

sixpack7506 · 2023-09-15T15:27:47+00:00

There’s a guy up the street from me… got divorced in his mid 40’s, met a woman at 50. They are now late 60’s. They both own their own house in the same neighborhood and have been “partners” since they met… he rides his bike to her place for dinner, they travel, they have the life! and no drama…. it’s actually a pretty cool situation and they’re both very happy. That’s what I want…

PokerFriend247 · 2023-09-15T15:52:27+00:00

I will get a tattoo on my forehead Memento style.

NEVER..EVER GET Married.

wakablahh · 2023-09-15T17:01:28+00:00

Someone who will be a good mother (I’m 32m, no kids).

I feel most other things will take care of themselves.

tdwriter2003 · 2023-09-15T21:58:20+00:00

Would you want a prenup to avoid getting burnt the second time ? I'm no supermodel my next lady doesn't have to be a supermodel but I would Need to find somewhat cute. The intimacy would be high on the list of wants.

tdwriter2003 · 2023-09-15T22:00:12+00:00

If she's a bigger girl but checks off the other boxes would you go for that ?

Isthisthereddits · 2023-09-16T05:01:44+00:00

Not sure, got cheated on in an early relationship, got lead on, and lied to. 3 separate, but early relationships between 18 and 21 years old. Stopped dating. Found my wife through a mutual friend. 11 years together 6.5 of it married. Had a good day to end it on my wife coming home to say it was done. She got hit one by one guy at a part time job while I'm supporting her through her PhD after moving cross country and giving up a big promotion at work to do so. Even turned down a bigger promotion from the. A few months back as they really wanted me back. It was a $20k raise from my current job and moving costs covered. Yet we decided to stay to finish out her program so she didn't have to restart.

My current tank for trust is empty and I don't see a way to refuel. I've been burnt too many times in a row.I don't see trustworthy people out there.

If I had to try again I'd find someone who was easier to talk to. My wife and I can talk, but she definitely gets a way about her that makes conversations tough at times. I'd look for someone with my occasional dark sense of humor. Someone who wants to make a relationship last. Has to like dogs. Maybe wants kids, but honestly at this point I could go with or without. She needs to be a homebody, but a mild sense of adventure like traveling to New places, hiking, trail biking, etc. Someone who shares the workload. I already cover the bills through my job I can do a lot of work at home, but a more even split if it or someone who would tackle house cleaning with me while jamming to our favorite music would be nice. Someone who likes to cook together without making it a nightmare. Someone who wants to set down roots and loves my family as much as I do and has a family I can love as my own too.

WorriedDrumSoloist · 2023-09-16T11:02:11+00:00

Right now, it's extremely hard to imagine because I was 100% sure when I met my ex-wife that she was the perfect woman for me. And obviously that turned out not to be true in the long term.

So while it's easy to imagine being 100% sure again -- I would also remember that I have a track record of being wrong about 100% things in the past.

But if you gave me a time machine and I went 20 years into the future, and discovered I had married again? I think the thing that would help me connect the dots was if she had young children when we began dating. At this point in my life (40M divorced), I think raising kids together is the only reason that marriage can make any sense at all. I have full custody of my 10 year old daughter, so if a woman was demonstrating a strong connection with her, and the woman also had young kids that I was developing a strong connection with as well, then it would start to make more sense to me.

Of course you need other things too. A strong physical connection together, stability, humor, kindness...but those are the baseline for any relationship I'd be serious about.

"We're really good with each other's kids" is the only thing I could imagine taking me across the threshold to "re-marriage material."

Signal-Dot2326 · 2023-09-16T17:38:38+00:00

I'm only 30 so I figure I have some time to start over with someone new but,

Has my back

Loyal

Makes good decisions

Is self reflective

Has the ability to argue and apologize correctly

Someone who established a healthy adult mindset and lifestyle (stbx couldn't buy a phone without her parents approving of her decision)

Not mentally Ill (stbx played constant nonstop gaslighting and control power games)

This is a good one, has hobbies, if you can't find something that interests you besides napping and Netflix you have something wrong with you.

Can hold a job (stbx constantly getting fired, always always fighting with everyone.)

No history of broken work and personal relationships

Title	If you were to remarry, who would you look for?
Author	OkEmphasis5923
Upvotes	31
Comments	128
Date	September 14, 2023 4:24 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16imt1x/if_you_were_to_remarry_who_would_you_look_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/if-you-were-to-remarry-who-would-you-look-for.1231834 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231834

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