Complaining about women’s standards while being afraid of being settled for is crazy

PixelizedPlayer · 2023-12-27T05:37:11+00:00

There is such a thing as unrealistic standards and being settled for as being an insult - they can both coexist it's not hard to grasp.

If a woman is 5ft 3 and wants a guy 6ft 2 and earning 300k a year when she looks bare average....that is stupid standards so of course people will call it out.

At the same time, women lowering their standards and accepting you as a last resort is equally rather insulting to the guy who gets chosen from that criteria.

The equivalent exists for women and they too complain about the same things....a guy expecting a woman to look like a supermodel with unrealistic expectations in sex due to porn etc. Then he opts to settle for a girl who he finds really "meh" in looks because he has few options.

Women can both complain about those standards and be insulted for being settled for too.

These two both coexist at the same time you know?

It seems like men don’t actually care for being settled for.

Most likely because they are settling for you in return so they fine with it. But most men would not find it a compliment to be "settled for". Because that basically is saying "I've lowered my standards so you are passable to be in a relationship with". Neither men or women would like that.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-12-27T09:45:52+00:00

This is more complex than the OP makes it out to be. The basic argument is that women's (or men's) standards are not completely set in stone by biology. Thus, it is possible for culture, environment and personal attitude to artificially inflate attraction standards past what they need to be.

The best form of the argument against current female standards is that they are artificially inflated beyond any dictates of biology. But people making the strong argument are not suggesting every woman can just easily turn her standards down and still maintain attraction. It rarely works that way. Rather, what is being asked is for serious consideration as to whether the claim about female standards is accurate; and if so, to talk about what can be done collectively and individually to lower them to reasonable levels in a way that is sincere and allows for real desire at the new standard levels.

DesertShifter · 2023-12-27T05:23:43+00:00

Yeah guys, imagine actually hoping for a woman to genuinely want you for you if you're not a supermodel millionaire. How entitled can we be?

bob88c · 2023-12-27T07:27:39+00:00

I have a feeling I speak for many men when I say, dating a porn star would absolutely be settling! Last thing I ever wanted was a woman who banged her way through her twenties only to settle in her thirties…that is me, plenty of guys don’t care at all so good for them!

In addition, to the argument of when a woman settles, the difference is that men do not have an income estimate as a criteria. Women have always been more practical (and rightfully so) then men when selecting a spouse or mate because they will have the children and historically they are the ones that raise the children if the guy disappears! The problem today seems to be that women feel not settling is a better option and chose to be alone.

On the other side, men do tend to prioritize physical appearance (way too much) but men can also be less practical and be more interested in the emotional bond! I believe this is also why men would be more upset or angry to hear their spouse tell them they settled! (Not just male ego as some have suggested) We all know women have to settle (and for the few women that don’t have to settle, they have their own problems because those top alpha’s are only concerned about one person…themselves) but we don’t want to hear it!

For both men and women, there is no reason to hurt the other person or damage the emotional bond by talking to the selection process! We are all human, we are not perfect, and we all deserve true love!

Green-Quantity1032 · 2023-12-28T00:14:52+00:00

They want her to want them.

Simple as that, valid want, but not attainable by all.

No-Refrigerator3350 · 2023-12-27T06:11:28+00:00

As a married person, everyone settles in one way or another. That's what people who are looking to be married do. There's no unicorn out there who checks all of the boxes.

The people who have an issue being "settled" for aren't even in the position to be settled for. It's a "You can't fire me I quit!" situation. If there was actually someone willingly to settle for them, they wouldn't be complaining.

Familiesarenations · 2023-12-27T05:47:47+00:00

Women are responsible for men's feelings, basically. It is our job to change how our minds are wired in order to flatter male egos. It's not unlike the trope of the wife being a virgin and a nympho at the same time. We are not people, we exist for one man and his every whim, even the whims that contradict the other whims.

Xennial3999 · 2023-12-27T05:42:05+00:00

You just discovered the biggest order with all this discourse. Men's egos won't allow them to be seen as having no value. They want someone to want them, but most men are unwanted by most women.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2023-12-27T09:23:21+00:00

Lol 😂😂😂😂 the problem is the ones who "settle" aren't catches they are Chad and tyrones left overs.... Most are over 30, been around the block,few kids,and fat and obese so... If I'm a 30 year old man in good shape with my shit together why would I wanna accept someone who wasted their best years on fun and now they are settling? So men don't care that women settle it's when they act like they are a fucking catch and doing you a service by settling when they aren't.... And to be honest if you're a burden and not an asset why would a man want you?

Sea-Law4961 · 2023-12-27T05:15:23+00:00

Those aren't mutually exclusive? men want women who are realistic w/ their standards so when they pick them, they don't feel settled for. For women have long been upholding unrealistic standards, then it becomes apparent that entering a relationship w/ them is settling.

This post is like saying u should be happy with used-up/damaged goods because u complained about having any.

RealMenEatPussy · 2023-12-27T05:46:44+00:00

A lot of men on this sub are too incompetent or stubborn to improve their value while expecting women to want them. Anything else is the C word that’s not allowed here. It’s all about “preferences” until a chick tells you hers.

RepresentativeAide27 · 2023-12-27T06:10:09+00:00

One of the big problems, according to dating app data, is the average woman's standards is out of her league . 80% of women are going for the top 20% of guys. This average woman "settling", isn't actually settling, she is more likely to be taking a guy on her own level.

eye_of_gnon · 2023-12-27T11:05:50+00:00

Most men aren't afraid of being settled for unless the woman is very blatant about it

RevolutionaryJob7908 · 2023-12-27T13:41:20+00:00

I don't think there's a connection between the two amounting to implied settling down. So I would agree that men don't want to be settled 'for' as a plan b.

I would say some men (??%) who are still single unmarried no kids, have vowed to not be a woman's plan b, for life. This ??% of men in their 30s are open to settling. Who they will settle for, is probably up for debate, also how many men are this way.

When I complain about standards , that comes from being exposed literally to the treatment of foreign women. They are garenteed to show you what life really is about. It's not about these standards.

KratosGodOfLove · 2023-12-27T23:28:37+00:00

OP I agree with you.

If a woman picks me, she's settling because there lots of amazing guys out there that by an objective measure are better than me.

I'm okay if she's settling as long as she doesn't treat me like she's settling which means I don't want to something like 'John was so awesome and if I stayed with him, my life would be so much better than with you'.

Mr_Vaynewoode · 2023-12-27T23:41:40+00:00

All healthy relationships are built upon respect, being "Settled-For" indicates that this respect is absent.

In a culture predicated upon utilitarian hedonism, this is the kiss of death.

Plus the sex sucks.

Cool_Ranch_2511 · 2023-12-28T02:06:26+00:00

They're actually a complaint of the same thing, just at different stages of a woman's life.

Being settled for is often the result of the insane standards she can no longer realistically maintain later in life.

Real_Line_8074 · 2023-12-27T18:12:03+00:00

Women won't be able to understand because they only see themselves as the prize so any man who does end up with her is lucky and should count his blessings that he ever landed her in the first place. The feelings and thoughts of the man don't matter at any point in the relationship.

Taicho_Gato · 2023-12-27T05:05:01+00:00

'complaining about the amount of polio in your primary water source while also being afraid of being paralyzed and mechanically ventilated ever after is crazy'

This really is a very bad faith (bordering on sociopathic) prompt.

Granted my example is relatively hyperbolic, but maybe a different example would make this more clear.

It's kindof like when management gives you extra tasks and requires more hours but doesn't pay more. Eventually the only people who are going to show loyalty are either A)unable to get another job (in this case probably the majority of non-gay/bi men who can't find an alternative source of women with reasonable expectations) or B) there by nepotism and are really just there for free money/don't contribute to the workload in a significant way(conventionally attractive men)- somewhere around 5-20% depending on who you ask

It almost feels like western women's standards mirror the unrealistic job postings 'entry level- 5 years of experience required'..... Weird.... I wonder who's running most HR depts. 🤔

Inb4: not saying equal opportunity was a bad thing by itself, but there was no check or balance. Men were ALWAYS okay with 'dating down'. Women took masculine positions, and kept feminine standards (wanting to 'date up') meaning the pool of hypergamy approved bachelors is less of a pool and more of a shotglass.

RIPGeorgeHarrison · 2023-12-27T05:33:20+00:00

They aren't asking women to date people they aren't attracted to, they are wondering why tf their standards never include them, especially when those same standards evidently do include lots of people that are way worse than them.

LillthOfBabylon · 2023-12-27T05:58:05+00:00

They want Ch@d treatment knowing damn well they are not Ch@d. A study even showed how many guys obsess over physical looks and sex, then over-prioritize it over personality and compatibility.

dailydose20 · 2023-12-27T07:22:53+00:00

Huge difference between

I can't get the man I want so I guess I'll settle for some other guy
After introspection I think my standards are a bit unreasonable and this new guy I like fits my new standards well

Jaded_Interaction162 · 2023-12-27T09:04:21+00:00

Many men settle for women they think are subpar. Just look at twox, their husband's all seem to think their wife or gf is beneath them for some reason.

Even the concept of hypergamy which is talked about here all the time says men can only get women who are beneath them. "If she's with you, you're better than her!" Is something i heard on a redpill podcast.

It seems like people with disdain for the opposite sex can't comprehend a mutually beneficial relationship.

AdventurousTie8034 · 2023-12-27T13:33:09+00:00

It’s not just about being settle, it’s more about being dumped and then forced to pay alimony and things like that. Marriage is very likely to end in divorce

Da_Famous_Anus · 2023-12-27T07:36:20+00:00

If men were just treated better it wouldn't be an issue in the first place.

Crimson-Pilled · 2023-12-27T12:07:54+00:00

The problem is equality. Many men on here believe women are equal to men, so when they have incredibly high standards, they think they should lower them down. If you say we should accept women's incredibly high standards, you're saying we should accept women's love of inequality, that tge Red Pill is true and feminism is a lie. But most on here want the benefits of equality without the costs of equality.

Nellylocheadbean · 2023-12-27T22:31:19+00:00

I think the disconnect is men want to be treated like they’re jason momoa even tho they’re average. A lot of men encourage average relationships constantly. So Just like they tell women that are average that they should have average expectations, that goes both ways.

If average ppl who live average lives get together, they will have an average relationship. If you’re average man, you get an average woman with an average sex drive. You don’t get “ I wanna rip your clothes off” sex.

You also get an average woman who has average respect for men.

You get an average woman who is average weight & height. Etc

Consistent-Nerve-822 · 2023-12-27T22:34:12+00:00

They don't love themselves. I dated someone for years who was just like this. He ended up hating me because I was in love with him, and he didn't love himself. They see it like the woman fell in love with the mask, who he was pretending to be, and not the true self, so they lose respect for the woman and eventually end up resenting and hating her.

CringeButCorrect · 2023-12-27T06:15:04+00:00

IME most women don't have high standards, they just pretend to. But at the end of the day they date who they feel like dating. They may have some idiotic preferences sometimes though. Like salary, for example. Some women want men who make over $150k. For what reason? The vast majority of men make under $70k, why does she need double? But at the end of the day it's their choice.

BootyMessiah · 2023-12-27T07:17:19+00:00

Women don’t have standards, they have preferences. Standards come from those in a position of power and authority. Women don’t have power and authority over men, only males, and they seek men.

HorrorAd74 · 2023-12-27T11:12:01+00:00

Vecause the only women who will SeTtLe are usually fat, ugly, overly tattooed, mentally ill, etc.

Electronic_West_1831 · 2023-12-27T09:35:26+00:00

If you’re “settled for” then it’s a doomed endeavour, because ultimately she doesn’t want you - she wanted an unfulfilled fantasy against which you will never measure up; nothing you do will ever be good enough for her, and no matter how hard you try, she will always resent you. Over time, that resentment will build and build until you find yourself on the receiving end of a messy breakup/acrimonious divorce, accused of all the negative traits she’s projected onto you because deep down she’s raging against herself for failing to bag the six foot demigod she had her sights pinned on.

wouldbepandananny · 2023-12-27T12:42:55+00:00

Preach!

envious1998 · 2023-12-27T16:00:45+00:00

Correct. I don’t want to be settled for. No one does.

Lowering your standards isn’t the same as settling. It’s increasing the amount of available people that you would be happy to be with without feeling like you settled for them. I really think women misunderstand this concept because it’s simply something they rarely, if ever, have to reckon with. It’s just not that hard to understand.

DeJuanBallard · 2023-12-27T16:04:36+00:00

Your speaking as if the problem is there mutually exclusive, they aren't. Humble yourself enough to see you DIDNT SETTLE you got what was on your level. Comparing him to every dude who ever fucked u or dated you for a year is goofy. And you absolutely don't have the right to ACT as if you settled for him, which is what most women do.

wheartv · 2023-12-27T17:12:36+00:00

No

Men often want women to have realistic standards

Then, the men she dates will be on her level, she’s happy, and she isn’t settling at all

What men don’t like is a 4 thinking she’s a 7 because she once got banged by a 9 and now she feels she is better than her current boyfriend who is a 6

In other words, ladies, pull your head out of the fantasy that has been created for you in order to manipulate and placate you in various ways

I know it must be comfy in there though

figosnypes · 2023-12-28T03:43:12+00:00

The real problem is that most women are only attracted to the top 10% of guys if even that. So if they date anyone outside of the top 10% they are settling. When women are over 30 they pretty much consider everyone who's age appropriate to be settling. We don't resent women for insisting on guys they're attracted to but rather for only being attracted to the top 10%.

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SeveralLiterature980 · 2023-12-27T07:02:18+00:00

What's crazy is men tying too much value to whatever feelings a woman has about them or anything else.

Women can believe they are settling for you or anyone else and then 6 weeks later be madly in love with you or whoever else. I have witnessed the phenomenon.

However any guy in the boyfriend or husband slot should have that as his default presumption. Not an irrebuttable one of course, but without knowing any other information, yes definitely that should be the presumption.

https://images.app.goo.gl/WZd6Hs1yTDdnDotG9

When it comes to looks, I believe this graph is a fairly accurate reflection of female perception --- where the blue meets the pink.

2023-12-27T14:38:29+00:00

We don't. Why should we be happy with being 2nd or 3rd place to only enter into a mediocre relationship where neither partner will be happy.

Literal_Jesus_ · 2023-12-27T15:08:01+00:00

nopills girlie I didn’t give much thought to dating standards before and it almost ruined my life. Lmao being in the wrong relationship can stall your career, damage your health and trash your psyche.

So now I simply don’t date below my standards, met a guy who meets them and some, if we break up I wouldn’t get into a relationship with anyone until I found that again.

It’s so much easier being single than it is being in an unsatisfactory relationship.

HungerISanEmotion · 2023-12-27T18:05:36+00:00

Not crazy at all...

If women standards are too high, it means most of us are going to get settled for.

mybotisonfire · 2023-12-27T19:18:36+00:00

Here is what it's like:

You have a deadly disease, and we can cure you, but we have to cut off your arms and legs.

That is what being settled for is like. It solves one problem but creates another big one. Women don't stay interested in transactional relationships for very long and divorce is pretty much inevitable. Women will settle for a Ford Focus if they hate public transportation enough. But how many would be pining for that cute little BMW or Mercedes SUV? Pretty much all of them. This is where the following credo comes from:

"He's not Mr. Right, but he's Mr. Right Now"

Oh wow, where do I sign up to get 2nd place or 5th place! Sounds like a great way to invest in a relationship and take all the risks associated with it.

This is where Red Pill get the dread game idea from, and perhaps why men who cheat often (ironically) have a faithful woman around complaining about his indiscretions. The answer: she knows he can have another her in a minute.

This invokes the "he's mine you can't have him" jealously function of the female algorithm.

Can work really well. But again, playing these sorts of games can be exhausting.

Women want to date up and men should realize the importance of this. Men should date down, and ensure she is always subtly informed of his value. It's really quite simple.

If you've gained 50 pounds and dress in ratty sweat pants and have a big gut and women turn their heads away from you, it sends a signal to your partner. When your skin is glowing from the sun, you're neatly groomed and your pants are low on your hips because you've lost yet more weight and the veins are still popped in your hands forearms from your last workout or ride...

Then women's heads turn towards you, your woman notices this, it keep her "jealousy alert" sensor on, and you're good to go.

Since starting my workout regimen and diet and dressing better I get noticed when I driving my car. I see women turn their heads in my direction. I'm literally more attractive in a woman's peripheral vision. It's fucking crazy.

BoogersAndSugar · 2023-12-30T18:37:06+00:00

Two different generations of men with two different views on dating. The older generation demands women settle. The younger generation is saying "no, don't"

Title	Complaining about women’s standards while being afraid of being settled for is crazy
Author	ThrowRAsweeter
Upvotes	80
Comments	293
Date	December 27, 2023 4:53 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18rs845/complaining_about_womens_standards_while_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/complaining-about-womens-standards-while-being.1241627 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241627

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