Women constantly use how “dangerous” and high risk dating is for them as an excuse for their pickiness but then consistently select and return to abusive low lifes

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2024-03-05T20:23:27+00:00

Funny use of the word "consistently". Believe it or not, most relationships are not abusive.

SupposedlySapiens · 2024-03-05T21:24:20+00:00

Dating is higher risk and more dangerous for women than it is for men.

Some women are terrible at seeing red flags.

Both of these statements can be true simultaneously. But the idea that most women are dating abusive dirtbags with zero redeeming qualities has no basis in reality.

EulenWatcher · 2024-03-05T20:29:03+00:00

1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. This includes a range of behaviors (e.g. slapping, shoving, pushing) and in some cases might not be considered "domestic violence." 1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner.

The difference in victimization isn't that big for men and women and I suspect in reality it's even smaller, but male victims are heavily underreported and men have harder times saying/recognizing that they they have been abused. It's still a minority of both groups that has experience of being abused - fortunately and thankfully most people do not have this kind of experience. If most women around you have been abused, your social circle is far from an average situation and/or you're committing selection bias.

On another topic, no, not all abusers are walking red flags. Some will wait for months or even years to show their true colors. It's true both for men and women and often even close friends or family have no idea what is happening behind the closed doors, hence the reaction "he/she seemed so nice, I wouldn't never thought...".

If we're talking about personal experience, I know some women who have/had abusive relationships and they're a minority. Some left their abuser, some stay for various reasons. It was exceptionally common among my mother's generation, but Russian sample is doomed to be skewed towards shitty men and high acceptance of them. It's got much better for younger generations...although it will return to hell with the war and men with untreated PTSD I guess.

SamanthaNicola · 2024-03-05T19:58:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Literal_Jesus_ · 2024-03-05T20:31:11+00:00

Idk how to say this nicely but from the way some of y’all conduct yourselves and speak about women on this sub you also have no redeemable qualities and would probably be lowkey abusive if in a relationship.

This feels v pot calling the kettle black accept atleast the pot is cute and was able to mask his abusive tendencies

relish5k · 2024-03-05T20:20:14+00:00

That's why we need to teach our daughters to be selective and cautious. Because dating is dangerous and young women...are kind of gullible and stupid. No offense ladies.

I would guess that most of the women who end up with dirtbags and keep going back to them probably have a dirtbag father who isn't looking out for her, and an equally stupid mother.

MistyMaisel · 2024-03-06T03:53:47+00:00

Good point. Announcement to my fellow women: Be Even More Picky As A Collective. We're at a 75%. Take it to 95%. Don't date men without a background check, psychological evaluation giving a fully clean bill of health, and who is willing to wear a shock collar at all times so that he is unable to abuse you. No violent video games. No pornography. If he doesn't cry during Bambi he's for the streets. Become maximally paranoid.

Soul_vaccine · 2024-03-05T20:01:21+00:00

Hey man you can learn those tactics too. Then you can be the one that other guys complain about.

Literal_Jesus_ · 2024-03-05T20:10:43+00:00

Most women aren't with abusive men, and if they are, they do not choose them knowingly.

GojosLowerHalf2 · 2024-03-05T20:20:55+00:00

Those mostly aren't the same types of women.

Cethlinnstooth · 2024-03-05T23:08:26+00:00

The thing about trying to avoid shitty people...be it sexually or in friendship or in business or wherever....is you can dodge a thousand of them then one finds a gap in your defences you didn't realise was there and catches you anyway. Maybe the catch you real bad and you end up in a relationship and have to escape the relationship. Maybe you just go on a date with one and it's a whole terrible evening.

The fact is that attempting to dodge the shitty people in various ways is still a really good strategy choice for anyone. It's a bad thing to spend no time at all not in a relationship with a shitty person. It's also better to keep your mind on the game than lose from the very start.

If you're a man who for whatever reason it is particularly hard to distinguish from a shitty man on Tinder etc this may make your life more difficult if you are relying on apps. This effect is likely exaggerated if you lack empathy or emotional perceptiveness to truly work out what is going on for her and how to craft a way forward that addresses her concerns in a way satisfactory to her. Maybe don't rely so much on apps? If you meet woman in the physical world the first meeting is taken care of by default.

You see...what I get from reading your post is that there are men who see themselves as safe but have no idea how to convey their safeness in a credible manner to a woman who is already quite interested in them. And are intent upon blaming women for this state of things.

However if the missing ingredient is "you make me feel safe" well that's not exactly something she can provide to herself is it? And quite clearly she's already done her bit in making you feel safe enough to ask her on a date.

WilliamWyattD · 2024-03-06T00:29:41+00:00

Maybe. But this also might be a natural defensive mechanism in reaction to men here constantly accusing women of this and that just because the women wanna fuck who they wanna fuck. Picky or not picky.

Like sometimes that abusive guy may actually be the only guy who is sexually attractive enough to a woman to be an option. He is bad, but the least bad of all the actual options. Maybe women are innately super picky in terms of what they find arousing, based on instincts that evolved for another time and do not necessarily translate well to the modern era. But it is what it is. If the good guy isn't sexy to her, he just isn't. If bad guys are the ones who are sexier, maybe they just are and nothing she can do about it. Who said men were supposed to get a sex partner as a reward for being good and following the right life script? I know. Other men, that's who. But did anyone consult the women?

solstice-sky · 2024-03-05T21:24:13+00:00

Let’s shed light on the fact that the women in your dating pool select for men that are ‘lowlifes’ with zero redeeming qualities. Are you of low socioeconomic status? And, if so, can you see how that influences mate selection?

Because the same women talking about safety and high quality men aren’t the same women dating lowlifes.

Ok-Remove3693 · 2024-03-05T21:31:46+00:00

A lot of men are no good and abusive that’s why women are choosy. no one goes into a relationship wanting to be abused. Why yall so abusive/ misogynistic ? We wouldn’t be picky if yall were actually decent options.

Safinated · 2024-03-05T20:51:39+00:00

Weirdly, most normal boring dudes I know are married.

captainhowdy82 · 2024-03-05T22:35:40+00:00

Here’s what happens. We meet a guy and he seems really nice. And then later we find out he’s a psycho red pill guy that was putting on an act the entire time and actually has no interest in us as people but just wanted to get laid. That’s how it happens. The problem is exactly the type of dudes who hang out on this kind of sub and hate women all day long but are still trying to trick them into sex.

spanglesandbambi · 2024-03-05T20:05:33+00:00

If only we were able to spot the abusive ones, maybe in your annual, it's not all men meeting you could get them to wear a badge.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-03-05T20:28:34+00:00

From my perspective as a woman, I see the dangers of an abusive relationship and see how some women are treated and am extremely wary and picky in my relationships BECAUSE of these observations. By your hypothesis, a woman like me who believes that dating is high risk would jump straight into the arms of an abuser. But I’m telling you that I think dating is high risk exactly because there are these abusers out there, AND a whole range of unpleasant behaviors that aren’t necessarily abusive, but just unacceptable.

ConanTheCybrarian · 2024-03-06T07:05:23+00:00

What you're not getting and what NO ONE who makes these false equivalency/ false dichotomy posts seems to get is:

Women constantly use how “dangerous” and high risk dating is for them as an excuse for their pickiness but then consistently select and return to abusive low lifes

1 These are NOT THE SAME WOMEN.

Woman A is concerned about safety,
Woman B is dating an abuser.

*If you say you are allergic to peanut butter but another man eats peanut butter, does that make you a liar? No.

2 Meeting up with men women don't know IS legitimately dangerous

3 The concern that men will harm women when meeting up is completely distinct from the type of harm done to women by "abusive low lifes."

*In the first scenario, a stranger may rape, stalk, harrass, assault, or murder a woman.

*In the second, the man is typically able to be charming and seem harmless for long enough to get a woman to choose him, then shows his true colors once she is already bough in.

Anytime you criticize how picky women are or apprehensive about meeting they immediately fly into a rage

Anytime?
Immediately?
Fly into a rage?

1 Really? Exaggerating your experience isn't going to help your case. It makes you look like the one who is in a rage.

2 If this is truly your experience 100% of the time, you've either only said this twice or you are doing so in an extremely threatening way.

Then you see the men they date and it’s always these dirt bags who physically/verbally abuse and cheat on them, and 85+% of the time THESE MEN HAVE ZERO REDEEMABLE QUALITIES

1 that's just like, your opinion, man.

You don't know they are abusive and cheat.
You don't know they have zero redeemable qualities IN THEIR PARTNER'S opinion; which is the one that matters, not yours.

2 Always? Again, not helping your case.

Idk but when they then extrapolate this behavior to the entire male population it’s pretty asinine.

Yeah, extrapolating the behavior of some members of a group to the entire group IS asinine.

So why are you doing it?

^Edit ^fixed ^format

SandBrilliant2675 · 2024-03-06T04:37:03+00:00

Only question: do you have anything to back up you 85%+ statistic. That’s a bold claim to leave un-cited.

AidsVictim · 2024-03-06T05:54:02+00:00

There's a lot of subconscious processes going on here that many women are frankly not really self aware of. Many genuinely believe dating is quite dangerous, sometimes to the point of being neurotic about it, but judgement is applied selectively - usually subconsciously. Obviously a lot of women drop "safety" standards around guys that are very attractive (in whatever way) and they make all sorts of justifications for it, or conversely the standards are applied hyper vigilantly for men with the "wrong" qualities.

For all back patting women give themselves over being more "socially capable/aware" than average men they're actually quite bad at understanding male social structures and how that relates to possible risks. Socially aggressive and dominant men (typically towards other men) are also more likely to physically aggressive but women often ignore these signs (consciously or not) because socially dominance and the confidence that comes with it is extremely attractive to a lot of women. They just make excuses, often genuinely believing them, along the lines of "he's only joking", "he's just like that with other people", "I'm his girl so he'll treat me better" etc. Men implicitly understand which men are more dangerous through social hierarchy experience (and simply being more consistently on the receiving end of violence from other men) but women either don't understand this or selectively ignore it.

While certainly all abuse can't be predicted and it's sometimes shocking in who manifests it, there's also a lot of cases where men are just going to roll their eyes because they saw it coming a mile away.

fashoclock · 2024-03-06T06:58:24+00:00

The question is who *are* these irredeemable low lifes that you're talking about, OP? You have to be specific. Are they drug dealers? Eff bois? Christian Gray millionaires?

I need specific trends and statistics not just anecdotes so I know who are the actual low lifes in society that women are so crazy about.

Hopeless0341 · 2024-03-06T11:53:00+00:00

Relationships are like buying a house you have your must have qualities and you’re would like to have. But I’d hope being treated respectfully is a must have

Hopeless0341 · 2024-03-06T12:16:37+00:00

Dating these days has become a dumpster fire whether it’s because dating apps, social media, struggling single parents or because everyone is struggling in general. Women need to call out toxic shitty women on their behaviors and men need to call out abusive toxic men. But sides need to be empathetic and do better. I have encountered a lot of toxic people and they have no idea they are messed up we have a terrible mental health problem happening.

People are hurting

KayRay1994 · 2024-03-05T20:46:41+00:00

here is the funny thing - most people don’t get into abusive relationships, and if you keep interacting with women who have been abused, ask yourself why this is the case, why you’re putting yourself in such scenarios and why you keep finding yourself around these people. This is literally why therapy exists.

Also, wanna know the funny thing about abusers? unless someone is so self aware that they can catch themselves, abusers often play on their insecurities and trap them. An abusive partner isn’t abusive from the get-go, they start off as this person’s “ideal partner” while simultaneously affirming them vs their insecurities and often isolate them from everyone else…. then the abuse begins

Of course, if someone has a steak of abusive partners, i’m not gonna say its particularly their “fault”, but it might be time to seek professional help and figure out why you’re constantly targeted.

Though at the same time, you acting like it’s a conscious choice, like it’s an active decision - at that point you’re not only full on victim blaming, but you’re also showing us all that you fundamentally don’t understand how relationships between abusive partners and their victims work

Fabulous_HonestTea · 2024-03-05T21:54:26+00:00

The fabled “personality detector” all women claim to possess which enables them to sniff out violent predators, creeps, and misogynists from a mile away seems to experience total system failure in the presence of tall stature, square jaws, visible cheekbones, lean physiques, and full heads of hair.

no_usernameeeeeee · 2024-03-05T23:23:18+00:00

Please show me where you got this number for one…

obviousredflag · 2024-03-06T06:33:10+00:00

Still seems to be a better choice than an angry incel niceguy who constantly posts his brain farts on subreddits. Wouldn't you agree? At least the other abusive lowlife sexually atttracts her, and as we know for evolutionary biology, that still makes up for most of what is relevant in mating.

There are not enough sexually attractive men who also make good fathers and good partners for all women to be with one of those highly desirable men. What do you suggest should the women do who can't get such a man? Take turns on the desirable men? OH WAIT! That is what this sub complains about, too. Be with a man she is not sexually attracted to, because he is a rational choice of a good partner/father? OH WAIT! Beta bucks, dead bedroom relationships are what this sub complains about, too! Should she just be single and find a way to be happy this way, not needing a man when there is no desirable man available for her? OH WAIT, this is what this sub constantly complains about, that women claim they rather be single than with a subpar man.

Then there are the women who are drawn to abusive relationships for how they grew up. They have baggage, that's why they go for the men you can't understand what draws them to. OH WAIT, this sub constantly complains about women with baggage and how they disqualify from wifey material.

So what remains? Years of therapy to get to a healthy mental health situation where those women can pick healthy relationship partners. But OH WAIT, by the time their baggage is treated with therapy, they are OLD/hitting the wall/have more baggage from traumatic relationships, now this sub doesn't want them anymore.

Now, what's your solution?

flipsidetroll · 2024-03-06T05:07:05+00:00

So you see certain couples and you know specifically that he has zero positive qualities, at all times, and women still flock to them? So you are somehow privvy to what goes on behind closed doors to be able to draw this conclusion?

This is why it’s obvious that trp makes men stupid. When you can make an assumption based on the vaguest information about any couple. And then confidently state it, and not realise how absurd it is.

Another guy here stated that because women don’t approach men, it means they don’t want to love anyone. How many fucking crayons must you eat to state such bullshit as facts! I refuse to believe that you are this retarded. Come on.

neverendingplush · 2024-03-06T09:11:24+00:00

It's only guys that can't get dates that stress about who women choose to give their attention to. I could.care less what bad choices any women are making as it has nothing to do with me. It's not like we neb don't do the same thing just because a woman is attractive.

Captain-Stunning · 2024-03-06T12:38:27+00:00

Most people do not know that they are attracted to the same dysfunctional types that raised them. They don't "choose" it. It's the world they grow up in and it's very difficult to recognize, much less change that dynamic.

That's why I sit here and shake my head about these posts. Men and the woman are playing out everything they've learned about relationships, whether you came from a healthy family and have matched to a similarly emotionally healthy spouse or if you matched to a similarly emotionally unhealthy partner when you grew up in dysfunction.

If a woman is attracted to terrible men, there's a reason for that. If a man is attracted to terrible women, there's a reason for that.

I'm sorry that hot, dysfunctional girl chose a scumbag. Not because a PPD man wanted her, or even that all the pills then bitch and complain about her, but because that's all she was programmed to do and doesn't know there is another way.

On second thought, nah, it really does piss me off that all the pills point to the dysfunctional girl and use her against the universe of woman. It's a tragedy that people are growing up in dysfunction and perpetuating the cycle. But, this generational dysfunction is not the sole fault of women. Men and women share in the blame whenever they perpetuate the dysfunction in which they were raised.

hearyoume14 · 2024-03-06T17:11:27+00:00

They aren’t mentally healthy or stable. I’ve seen women who would pick men that even the man’s grandmother warned her about. One they developed some self esteem and started working on their attachment issues that changed.

Often that’s what they saw at home and/or in their community. Low self esteem and insecurity aren’t moral failings but they do mess up things.

To be fair I’ve seen men do the same with harpy women. We want people to treat us how WE think we should be treated.

WANT_SOME_HAM · 2024-03-06T20:03:13+00:00

Jesus Christ, could you be any more disrespectful to a woman's totally valid desire to not get raped.

I often point out how the overwhelming number of times guys in these subreddits try to explain how The Females think, they never factor in the issue of safety, because they think The Females do nothing but lust for Chad cock and get angry at unattractive men for existing.

Or if they do talk about safety, it's just to get angry at abuse and/or murder victims. Because somebody who looks at battered wives and thinks "She's so stupid for not choosing me" would never be abusive.

Which is a totally selfish and delusional perspective that provides a ton of insight into why the person saying this can't get laid.

Sexual assault is very real and very common. Taking precautions to avoid it is just common sense.

But you actually are considering it, and making it so much worse by thinking they're...faking their fear of getting raped? Because they subconsciously feel guilty for not wanting to fuck you? Because, in your mind, you think women are required to consider being attracted to you, and if they aren't, they should feel guilt or shame or embarrassment or something?

Have you ever considered how dehumanizing this logic is?

You are not a good person. You are not a "safe choice". You sound like a selfish psycho.

HumpsyDumpsy · 2024-03-05T21:02:07+00:00

Then focus on ladies who KNOW their worth, and what's right for them. Why do you criticize women for their personal choices in who she dates? I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate that either- if women kept criticizing you about the girl you've chosen to date.

Are you trying to date these girls, or something?

GridReXX · 2024-03-06T04:13:54+00:00

Are the kind and considerate men in the room with us? 🧍‍♀️

claratheresa · 2024-03-06T07:33:22+00:00

“Women” do not pick lowlifes. Some women do; most don’t.

8won6 · 2024-03-05T21:36:48+00:00

using "danger" is just one of those things women use to win dating debates. It's like launching nukes during an argument over a parking spot. People starting talking about "who has it worse in dating?"...clearly it's men because of lack of options, so they hit the nuke and bring up "danger" when that was clearly out of the context of that debate.

Comprehensive-Bed35 · 2024-03-05T22:52:58+00:00

Same as how they insist they couldn’t have known better prior to the cheating/abuse. “Just because he had neck tattoos, a criminal record, and couldn’t read, didn’t mean he’s a scum bag!”

When men get wrecked by a shit woman, they say: “I should have known better.”

When women get wrecked by a shit man, they say: “He manipulated me!”

Says everything you need to know about the nature of the two.

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Remarkable_Rough_89 · 2024-03-06T11:27:45+00:00

Tyrone lol

Able-Highway9925 · 2024-03-06T14:37:08+00:00

Stockholms syndrome

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2024-03-06T18:04:13+00:00

If a woman has abusive parents she’ll be more likely to have an abusive partner. Some people don’t think of that behavior as red flags or out of the ordinary.

Also, abusers don’t start off as abusive. It’s a frog in warm water situation.

honeybooboo50 · 2024-03-10T09:40:16+00:00

how is any of that your business? do you pay their rent? people you sound like you have sub zero qualities, sit down

izoldetales · 2024-03-05T21:16:06+00:00

Actually , the part that doesn't make sense is them using this argument to justify the lack of effort!! Like what?! What him being a psychopath have to do with you never initiating a conversation after month of knowing each others?!😂😂

gopher_glitz · 2024-03-06T04:51:22+00:00

You're much more likely to be killed by your partner and yet they're more terrified of strangers.

gntlbastard · 2024-03-06T12:37:17+00:00

Always look at a womans actions. She will tell you one thing and do the exact opposite. When called out on it she will throw out some insane claim and probably accuse you of being insecure or some other shit.

MGTOWManofMystery · 2024-03-06T00:31:33+00:00

Many women suffer from Hybristophilia.

2024-03-06T00:59:09+00:00

As someone who kept falling back into the same patterns with an abusive partner, I'd like to shed some insight. After my breakup, I remembered just how shady strange men can be. Men can do everything right at first and seem super respectful, but then you find out they were hiding something, or they can't take no for an answer. I'll definitely say that after having some scary experiences, going back to my ex who was horribly abusive to me was a relief. There's comfort in familiarity- plus if you know the person, it can be easier to read the signs and to know when they're gonna hurt you so you expect it and either avoid them, mitigate the damage, or brace yourself.

No need to be so angry.

BatemaninAccounting · 2024-03-06T10:44:25+00:00

Every woman that dated lowlifes that I've gotten to know, has never ever said they felt dating any man was "dangerous."

The women talking about high risk stranger danger aren't the same crop of women dating thugs and white trash.

AwayHurl · 2024-03-05T21:37:59+00:00

I know of 4-5 women in my life, including my gf, who slept around like they were invincible and unable to catch a damn thing. I know many fewer men who did.

Single, unmarried, straight women age 18-50 only use condoms 30% of the time. The same stats for men are 50%

My gf was dating and sleeping with 4 other guys when we met. I had no idea at the time.

I'm starting to think it isn't fuckboiz, it's fuckgirlz

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