Men might as well cold approach women in person given how the dating app market skews so heavily against their favor.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-08-16T17:32:45+00:00

I attempted to 'cold approach' a woman at my gym (who I *really* like) while she was using the water fountain to fill her bottle, and it went like this:

Me [nervously]: "Hi-"

Her [Loud enough for the entire room to hear]: "FUCK OFF!"

A deathly silence fell over the gym as every single user stopped what they were doing an turned to look at me; after what felt like an eternity, the silence was finally broken when someone threw a water bottle at me, hitting me squarely in the face. Other's followed suit, and I was only saved from a Taliban-style execution when one of the personal trainers put me in a headlock and dragged me out of the gym, throwing me onto the concrete outside and making it very clear that I was never to return.

Stick to the apps - I learned the hard way.

SaBahRub · 2024-08-16T17:22:35+00:00

This is, like, the 10th post on cold approaching in the past 3-4 days

People, do what you want. It’s legal, you don’t need permission, and you’re perfectly able to decide for yourselves if it’s something you want to do

MistyMaisel · 2024-08-16T16:49:16+00:00

I'm a woman and I basically agree on a certain philosophical level, I would just heavily warn against cold approach. Cool or warm, absolutely everything you say applies.

But cold approaching just realistically won't go well. Women aren't going to put up with the level of constant persistent annoyance that would come with every strange man with a full sack shooting his shot at her, so they're likely to become increasingly verbally and emotionally brutal to would be suitors. They'll also become more avoidant of entering the public sphere simply to avoid this sort of flood of unwelcome dick.

In turn, this kind of overt denial and brutality is going to effect men. Even if you tell them to take rejections like a champ and always be polite, that's just not really human nature when rejected, especially if you're being flippantly rejected, ignored, or in some cases overtly verbally mistreated. This is just going to lead (best case scenario) to a lot of really mentally ill and damaged men who aren't being rejected for any really specific to them reason, but simply because women are overstimulated and oversaturated in unwelcome attention/conversation. But more likely, it will lead to violence as per the sub-reddit which shall not be named.

Again, I agree with a lot of your logic, I just think it only applies to warm and cool approaches. Cold approach is just not a very good or tenable thing in the real world most of the time.

Weekly-Vacation-6929 · 2024-08-16T16:54:44+00:00

Cold approach is OLD in real life, but the rejections are harsher.

solstice-sky · 2024-08-16T17:12:27+00:00

Sure, cold approach and get rejected 200/200 times. No one is stopping you.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2024-08-16T17:10:48+00:00

Do men not warm approach anymore? It’s apps or cold or nothing? Have you ever met an acquaintance and hit it off? That’s who you should date.

Commercial_Tea_8185 · 2024-08-16T17:07:41+00:00

All that will happen is you’ll get rejected in person, and some women might respond to you with hostility.

apresonly · 2024-08-16T17:56:22+00:00

If you take the first no as a no i really dont think people have an issue with it.

i think you are conflating people complaining about it or men who push past no as some kind of rule that you can't do it.

Babyface_Bogart · 2024-08-16T21:53:10+00:00

women in this thread: "all my relationships started as friends first"
women in next thread "POV: He's about to ruin your friendship"

hairy_bamboo · 2024-08-17T01:03:48+00:00

I said it once, I'll say it many more times:
be attractive
don't be unnatractive.
If for whatever reason you can't be attractive, embrace death alone

Financial_Leave4411 · 2024-08-16T17:14:44+00:00

This seems like a great way for men to get a bad reputation in their community. Doing everything in real life is going to limit the area you have to find dates in and once your reputation gets bad enough it could affect your career and that’s especially true if men either can’t accept a “no” gracefully or they cold approach at work. Also expect many businesses to see a drastic decrease in women visiting their establishments as more women will shop exclusively online to avoid dealing with men at all. It could even lead to more women doing work from home professions just to be safe from men. I think when business owners start to see a drastic decrease in their income because women aren’t spending as much money they’re going to stop allowing men in.

ANightSentinel · 2024-08-16T21:11:28+00:00

There's another angle you're missing. The de facto way to date in 2024 is through dating apps but we all know how miserable that is. Cold approach is a way to stand out from the competition because nobody's doing it. The biggest value is that you're fishing where your competition isn't.

BluePillUprising · 2024-08-16T18:22:53+00:00

Whatever happened to hooking up at parties and after work get togethers and stuff? (I’m old).

I can’t imagine why anyone would want to try to use a dating app or “cold approach”.

There was one time when I met a woman at a bar, we got to talking and I understood that I really liked her and I asked, “Do you have a boyfriend?” She said no. And I said, “This is my lucky day, then!”

I got her number and we hung out a bunch over the next weeks. Ended up dating for a few months.

Is that a “cold approach”?

ProfessorOilNGas · 2024-08-16T22:25:10+00:00

This assumption that women will get upset if you ignore them depends on who you are. If you're someone with a high Sexual Market Value (SMV), your actions are far more likely to cause strife, whereas if your SMV is rock bottom, she will likely be relieved that you are ignoring her.

In the relationship sense, I've "ignored" women for decades in that I don't bother to pursue. Not one women has ever in any way expressed being upset because of this. In fact, a couple of times, I've found women were visibly relieved that I stayed strictly to business in conversation.

What I find so mysterious about all this harping from low SMV men about how ignoring women will (insert miracle here) get them one is that it is obviously untrue. It's completely counterintuitive, like a panhandler who, instead of going to a choice street corner, goes up into the mountains and expects his targets to follow him. It won't happen. They hardly noticed you when you were there; they didn't notice you when you were gone. You are nothing to them no matter what you do.

Another example: A child that holds his breath until he gets his way. Either he passes out or gives up, but in no event does his actions get him anything. And finally, all this depends on whether the MOTOS is even looking.

SimpleStart2395 · 2024-08-17T00:27:29+00:00

Fuck Reddit.

JustNefariousness625 · 2024-08-17T00:38:19+00:00

Yea cold approach is the way to go just be attractive and don’t be weird

SecondEldenLord · 2024-08-17T00:42:24+00:00

Cold approach as long as you are attracted. If you are unattractive and short, get ready to get falsely accuse of shit. I know I did.

TallFoundation7635 · 2024-08-17T13:43:27+00:00

Gotta disagree with a lot of the comments here stating cold approach is a waste of time when it comes to directly getting dates. Sure that makes sense, but cold approach isn't just something you should be doing for getting dates. You should be doing it because it increases your confidence, you get better at talking to people and seducing women if you do it enough.

These are auxialliary skills that will help you get more and more women through more efficient means such as social circle game or warm approaching.

alwaysright12 · 2024-08-16T17:10:57+00:00

45% of young men have never approached a woman in the first place

Says who?

Your first paragraph highlights the issue with 'cold approaching'

You cant just wave that away.

But sure, if men can be respectful and try to read the situation correctly.

Women don't have to entertain them though

ro_man_charity · 2024-08-16T20:30:58+00:00

Anecdotally: I am currently dating a guy who cold approached me. The reasons I responded well to that are the same why I agreed to dating - he is extremely well-mannered and intelligent and handsome. It also didn't evolve until two years later (we checked out on each other and went to hang out together from time to time). I don't know if there are many guys who can pull off the entire thing in such a smooth and low-pressure way, so I think it's best not to attempt.

Vlad_The_Great_2 · 2024-08-16T20:53:38+00:00

When I approach women in real life, I get instantly rejected 4/5 times. That’s still significantly better than my chances on any dating app. And if she likes my personality, my chances of something happening are great because she already knows how I look and act in public.

COMFORT-ARLINGTON · 2024-08-16T18:06:08+00:00

the success rate is lower on cold approach which is why alot more guys do the apps rather than cold approach

KingSeann1120 · 2024-08-16T22:28:09+00:00

Rejection hurts after the first 10 I went straight to porn and sugar baby apps.

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wtknight · 2024-08-16T18:47:12+00:00

Both certain social groups and certain social media skew female. It does not necessarily follow that men need to cold approach in real life just because dating apps skew male.

Upset_Material_3372 · 2024-08-16T19:59:37+00:00

Both have the exact same requirement for success of me more desirable than every other man she’s seen.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2024-08-16T20:01:14+00:00

I'll take a free scratch off ticket. Why not?

I actually don't do it too much because of the low success rate, but I have done it and it has worked sometimes. I usually just do it when I see a woman checking me out and/or showing open body language, which makes it slightly less cold.

throw_it_awayyy8 · 2024-08-16T21:10:32+00:00

No. Im tired and don't care to die alone.

Let them dance and dance and dance for once.

Evening-Barracuda740 · 2024-08-16T21:28:42+00:00

I think if you do it respectfully and learn to take no without it hurting your ego it can work in the right situation, there is one dating coach on here who in fact got married from cold approach https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGmMcuL9pvs

Large_Cauliflower858 · 2024-08-17T05:03:15+00:00

Cold approaching is for SIMPS.

Sadsad0088 · 2024-08-17T06:56:46+00:00

Why are you listening to people online who bragplain about all the men they reject?

There’s a nuance to cold approaching that can work

Be respectful and don’t approach women in situations that can be perceived as dangerous like alone in a park or a parking lot, but that’s hopefully a given (or is it? since some people need to read advice online)

Solondthewookiee · 2024-08-16T18:34:38+00:00

This basically boils down to "I'm allowed to hit on you regardless of how you feel about it," am I reading this right?

BDaily24 · 2024-08-16T16:42:23+00:00

I agree with every point you make OP

harmonica2 · 2024-08-16T17:11:10+00:00

Approaching in person has worked just as good for me as apps, when I was single, so it's no worse for sure.

Alwaysnthered · 2024-08-16T18:53:38+00:00

I think the issue is that cold approaching usually requires some invitation signal OR at least reading the situation if she even wants to be approached. Then it just becomes similar to online dating since women will typically only have a very small % of men attractive in person. I go out plenty of times and women around me typically signal to me and other men clearly “I do NOT want to talk to you” - like 99% of the time. It’s a clear signal like turning their backs to me, moving away etc.

I’ve tried talking to them still and they are clearly annoyed.

Unless you are one of the “hot” guys approaching doenst really work

krackedy · 2024-08-16T17:00:35+00:00

Apps and cold approaching aren't the only options. I'm tired of people acting like they are.

I've dated plenty and none came from apps or cold approaching.

They came from being social, friendly, going out a lot and meeting new people.

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-08-16T19:32:54+00:00

Any guy that has done the process with his boys of going out trying to get blown up has ended with at least one good experience.

Men forget that in person is our bread and butter. Just don’t be artistic and don’t make it an interview. Negging works.

RoadClean357 · 2024-08-16T22:10:28+00:00

Why not try and meet people the old fashioned way? Join a club or volunteer or take dance classes or something.

Most people don’t want to be cold-approached. When I’m out at the grocery store I’m not looking to make friends.

flipsidetroll · 2024-08-16T17:25:48+00:00

Why do people just not get statistics? I’ve still never seen a link to this research, but people have to start understanding demographics. 45% of young men INTERVIEWED by the researchers, have not approached women. If the number was 500, then where is just as important as how many. This is the exact reason you all get despondent because anyone can drive you off with skewed numbers. And half the data under red pill content is completely false.

dizzy_dunkan · 2024-08-16T17:08:23+00:00

I don't see any point in men cold approaching, considering women will approach men if they're hot enough, I've seen it. If a woman hasn't approached you, it means you aren't hot enough so there's zero point

BrainMarshal · 2024-08-16T18:09:09+00:00

40% of men have never approached a woman. Ain't anyone taking this shit seriously anymore. But keep pissing in the wind promoting clown culture I guess.

Individual-Gur-7292 · 2024-08-16T18:50:20+00:00

Cold approaching is so doomed I’m surprised it ever works. It’s very obvious to us when men are taking the ‘throw shit at a wall and see what sticks’ approach. You also know literally nothing about the woman other than what she looks like so the approach is made on the most shallow level. Complete waste of time honestly.

A_real_keeper_LOL · 2024-08-16T20:54:07+00:00

Just dont shit where you eat. Don’t ask the cute girl out at your grocery store… you can never go back.

Professional_Sun7586 · 2024-08-16T17:05:58+00:00

I've never liked being cold approached on the street because it's essentially OLD that's being forced on me. I don't understand how people can see someone and think "yup I'd want to date them" when they know absolutely nothing about them but their appearance. It's like putting the cart before the horse.

On the flip side, I didn't mind being approached at the gym. I see it as a public place where people can meet besides doing sports.

It's probably an unpopular take (at least online), but I heavily favour the "friends before" because it feels more easy-going and allows you to build a connection before deciding to do the jump or not.

Men might as well cold approach women in person given how the dating app market skews so heavily against their favor.

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