Women don't owe you explanation of their standards.

brassbuffalo · 2026-01-31T15:34:28+00:00

This is a cop-out argument when used on a debate sub. Nobody owes anybody anything, but there's nothing to debate if everyone decides "I don't owe you an explanation". We could say that after every statement if we wanted and just kill the sub.

More importantly, discussing someone's standards and what they want is very normal and useful when they are struggling. The idea is that you are causing your own struggles by having unrealistic expectations. A lot of men and women self-sabotage themselves because they have standards that prevent them from finding happiness. Standards are supposed to protect our happiness, but they often prevent it. I'll go further and say a lot of "our" standards are not ours. They were pushed on us by society. That makes it even sillier to avoid discussing standards. Your standards may not even be yours.

I don't believe anybody who is happily single because of high standards is here. I don't think they talk about it very much. I think there's a lot of miserable people who try to convince themselves and others that they aren't lonely.

Your justification of leaving over boredom misses the point. Anybody can leave over any reason, but should is a very different question. You could potentially throw away something good because of a minor imperfection or a short term problem and create long term misery for yourself. Leaving over any minor issues also screams "avoid attachment style" to me.

Maffioze · 2026-01-31T15:14:59+00:00

I personally don't understand why this topic always has to be stretched towards two extremes.

You can simultaneously believe that that anyone has the legal right to leave at any time and still look critically towards some reasons people cite (I'm saying people because this is gender neutral for me) for leaving. And towards the macro outcome of people being quick to leave.

I don't think anyone is owed an explanation, but the truth is that the macro outcome of enough people leaving over the smallest things drops the value of having a committed relationship for everyone. If there is no understood concept of reciprocity and an understanding that someone is likely to stay, then it makes making sacrifices for someone else and putting in a lot of effort into your relationship dangerous. For example, if one person gets chronically sick then the other can make the sacrifice to stay, but if they think their partner might leave them over the smallest thing anyway, they will be less likely to make that sacrifice, since caregiving requires a lot from them, but there is a high chance it won't be reciprocated. This creates a race to the bottom where those who are least likely to sacrifice "win" from a selfish perspective, but overall everyone ends up worse off in the end because you can no longer trust people's commitment anymore to actually make sacrifices for someone you care about.

It's kind of comparable to the famous tragedy of the commons in economics in my view, as trust can be seen as a public good.

Zabadoodude · 2026-01-31T14:54:57+00:00

In a serious relationship there is an expectation that you will try to work on the relationship, rather than just bailing whenever things get difficult. If it's a marriage you literally did sign a contract. Of course if you have seriously tried, and nothing works, then, yes, ending the relationship is appropriate.

HammieFondler · 2026-01-31T13:39:13+00:00

It's fine if you want to have high standards but you don't get to say shit like "the bar is on the floor" when the bar is in fact very high

Natural_Bullfrog7940 · 2026-01-31T14:57:59+00:00

Thats true

Men also dont can reject obese women, older women, pump/dumped women, single mom, feminists, etc without explanation right?

MoonriseOverEarth · 2026-01-31T14:47:03+00:00

I somewhat disagree.

People can have whatever standards they want. We can judge them for what those standards say about those people.

refunned · 2026-01-31T13:20:17+00:00

100% agree. Same goes for men having a standard like no fat girls.

FatGimp · 2026-01-31T13:28:25+00:00

OP I completely agree. In fact this happens both ways.

Everyone is entitled to have whatever standards they want.

What needs to be understood is if you have those standards what you need to understand is that those you seek need to want you as well. And you can't complain about it.

Crazy_Kray · 2026-01-31T13:20:49+00:00

woman: “desire has nothing to do with morals it is non negotiable, silly inkwel”

man: “can’t help but to find younger women hotter”

also women: “ur bad person. have you tried being a good person and date people in your age bracket”

-Kalos · 2026-01-31T13:34:11+00:00

In my ideal world, everyone would have higher standards. In an indirect way, that would make people less entitled because everyone they deal with also has higher standards and won't suffer assholes who think they're worth more than they are

crazyclown-911 · 2026-01-31T14:01:21+00:00

Yes, they should all definitely leave. “A lot of men” are allowed to have opinions.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2026-01-31T15:29:57+00:00

It depends on the context. In the current world, nobody owes anyone an explanation for their personal standards--though if they involve a level of delusion about one's prospects, one should not expect the world to play along with their fantasy.

But there is also a mating system that has to function. And culture and environment do impact standards and desire thresholds. So if engaged in a discussion about mating at a societal level, one does owe other participants an explanation of how they think things are supposed to work out in the bigger picture.

chriszenpaok · 2026-01-31T15:31:38+00:00

Few people disagree w this deep down, for both genders

JustGeminiThings · 2026-01-31T20:49:23+00:00

People want certainty. And wanting to narrow down, litmus test any given women's choices, and even more so, project anxiety over all women making choices they disapprove of - "leaving out of nowhere because she's bored" - just reflect that anxiety and lack of control.

Emotional_Meal748 · 2026-01-31T13:29:28+00:00

And men don’t owe an explanation for dumping women after fucking women

DashboardPilled · 2026-01-31T14:16:08+00:00

The real question is do you really want to live in a society where people in general employ "nobody owes anything to anyone" mantra?

I don't personally believe that women owe men relationships/sex, but this is more of a special case of "nobody owes anything to anyone". And yet, the same people who will agree that no one owes anyone relationships/sex will also create exceptions for very specific situations like healthcare, housing, DEI laws, etc.

I could argue in the same way that nobody owes anyone healthcare, housing, employment opportunities. Why is anyone entitled to the fruits of my labor through taxation?

In before you jump at me with "just because people get housing from the government, should men get their dick sucked". No, I don't think that two wrongs make it right. But if you are intellectually consistent, you should also be against violation of consent in other areas of life and not just when it personally suits you.

xxTx-Toymanxx · 2026-01-31T14:45:30+00:00

Relationships take work. They don't just happen and aren't always rainbows and coco. Even marriage vows include, " sickness and in health, good times and bad " but yet seems like those vows now hold about as much meaning as a bowl with holes trying to hold water.

Your entire post is why men have started walking away from even seeking relationships.

If it can disappear over night because of boredom, then why pursue it at all? Better option is to date casually or not at all.

Sophisticated_Cynic · 2026-01-31T15:13:53+00:00

You are wrong on all of these points. A relationship is a commitment. What kind of person rips apart their child’s life because they are bored? Get a hobby.

We need to get rid of no fault divorce. What you need to understand is that in low trust societies, nothing works and everyone loses.

Deboch_ · 2026-01-31T15:26:10+00:00

"Are relationships not there to bring happiness?"

"If they're bored can't they just leave?"

In the hedonistic sense, yes. But that's not what love is.

If you truly love your partner, you'll see boredom as a problem of the relationship. To be faced and fixed together.

If you view them as a disposable commodity, an object of entertainment, you'll just cheat or leave.

Nobody can force you to love your partner. But if people are correctly repulsed by your view on life, you can't force them to not be either.

growframe · 2026-01-31T14:21:27+00:00

Agreed. The only caveat is when this attitude sometimes doesn't go both ways

Jetpine9 · 2026-01-31T18:08:04+00:00

This is interesting. This is progress. A few years ago, you'd never have a woman admit she ended things out of boredom. Instead blame would automatically default to the man. This is what it's like to treat women like human beings; human beings get bored. Women get bored. Some relationships aren't built to last forever but they are still good as long as they last.

To answer your question about "what's wrong with it", nothing really, except that it does take two to tango. If they are bored, it's likely that both have failed to invest sufficient time or energy into the relationship to keep it alive. Merely being present isn't likely to be enough over the long haul. Unless you two have the kind of chemistry where you share interests so much that you are constantly stimulating each other (mentally, not just physically), and the kind of emotional maturity where you are caring for each other rather than just "being there", gifting them with your mere presence like you were a regal being.

beautiful_falcon776 · 2026-01-31T13:31:17+00:00

While I agree no one should feel stuck in a relationship. It's sad our values are eroding being replaced by multiple relationships instead of a deep enriching relationship.

I can understand each person's wants are still different but still feels like a knife on my neck kinda thing

Keep_calm_or_else · 2026-01-31T16:46:44+00:00

Women don't leave because of boredom or any of the silly reasons that men cite. They leave for serious reasons that the men refuse to acknowledge, such as emotional neglect, lack of respect, not listening, etc. The phenomenon you are witnessing is avoidance of accountability on the men's part.

Specific-Art-8932 · 2026-01-31T13:49:47+00:00

Women don't owe you explanation of their standards.

We got to be kidding here, we spent the last 20 years shaming men for every single standard they have... we reached a point where feminism is choosing what men want not even men themselves:

A man want a submissive woman

Society : " it because he's scared of strong independent woman and want someone to control "

A man want a virgin woman

Society : " woman are not here to fulfill your sexual fantasy . Gross "

A man want a non fat woman

Society : " Men only see women as objects and can't actually love them " ...

Then the same society tells women to have as much standards for men as they want or even more ( you deserve better queen ) then shame men for trying to treat them the same way they got treated...

I don't blame misogynistic men , modern women deserve hate ... Can't believe people hated men who wanted nothing to do with this borderline incel generation of women beside sex

AlarmingArm9919 · 2026-01-31T13:31:34+00:00

Why would you have standards at all?

The only standard anybody should have is "I like you".

the rest? are always and will always be negotiable; depending on a billion variables

you're writing a contract with yourself to only like certain people and you're bound to fail at it

nsfwthrowaway6996 · 2026-01-31T17:19:41+00:00

I’m not arguing that women owe relationships, explanations, or justification for who they’re attracted to. I’m not saying women should compromise desire, lower standards, or accept men they don’t want.

Economic pressure has changed dating markets globally, not just in the U.S. That has increased material expectations in dating. That change didn’t come out of nowhere and I don’t blame women for adapting to it. At the same time, men are allowed to talk about how that shift affects their experience without that being framed as entitlement or an attempt to control women’s choices.

A big part of the conflict comes from language. “Dating standards” gets used as a blanket term. Relational standards like safety, care, and emotional reliability are about compatibility and long-term stability. Material expectations like income, lifestyle, or assets are about filtering under economic pressure.

When those get lumped together, criticism of the material get misread as opposition to the relational. Men saying “this doesn’t work for me” isn’t the opposite of “women aren’t owed relationships.” It’s the same principle applied in the other direction. Choosing not to participate in a market that feels misaligned with what you’re looking for is a boundary not coercion.

In my dating life, I’ve been on dates where I was judged primarily on material expectations in ways that had nothing to do with long term compatibility. Stuff like not driving a nice enough car, not making more money while still having a lot of time off, and expensive travel. Opting out of that isn’t asking anyone to change who they want it’s choosing not to fill a role I’m not interested in playing.

So this isn’t about negotiating desire or forcing outcomes. It’s about being honest that increased material expectations are a real global trend and that non-manosphere men talking about that experience shouldn’t automatically be read as trying to shame or control women.

Spiritual_Run9039 · 2026-01-31T13:32:38+00:00

So chads dont owe an explanation why they tend to pump and dump then?

srqfla · 2026-01-31T13:21:37+00:00

Generally, women only want two things from men. Comfort and desire. Comfort is on a spectrum, And can be completely negotiated. Desire is a light switch on the wall. It's on or off.

People go to marriage therapy because comfort and desire has left their marriage. A therapist can help negotiate back to comfort, but a therapist cannot help negotiate desire. Once the light switch is off it's very hard to turn it back on again. This is why marriage counseling fails

Kingcrow33 · 2026-01-31T14:29:03+00:00

For dating sure but for marriage they did in fact sing a contract. And being bored is not a sufficient reason to break that contract.

ThatBitchA · 2026-01-31T19:12:53+00:00

Alright.... more thoughts. Below are reasons I've ended things with men and never explained to them. Should I have explained any of these reasons?

✨️ I wasn't interested anymore

✨️ I didn't like the way he spoke to waitstaff or service people

✨️ He was hypocritical

✨️ Too religious

✨️ Too into cars

✨️ Insecure amd jealous

✨️ I didn't like the way he ate

✨️ I was planning to move

✨️ He wanted kids

✨️ He was insecure about a woman making more money

✨️ He had a mattress on the floor

✨️ His house was disgusting

✨️ He didn't know how to cook. Not even eggs.

✨️ I didn't like his mom

✨️ He didn't like animals

✨️ He didn't like the arts

✨️ I didn't like his taste in music

And there's probably more that I've forgotten. Those just come to mind.

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2026-01-31T23:40:18+00:00

sure, just don't be surprised when men treat women as disposable, don't commit, refuse to get married, dump women who don't meet their physical needs, replace them with younger women etc.

as it is, there are quite a few women who complain about those issues and quite a few people who try to shame men for those behaviors and have sympathy for the women in those predicaments.

i don't care either way but you can't have it both ways.

SlickPiccolo · 2026-01-31T13:49:04+00:00

What are your standards OP? Kind of hard to comment if we don’t know.

SeemedGood · 2026-01-31T14:35:29+00:00

The function of sexual relationships is not “to bring happiness.” The function of sexual relationships is to produce healthy and successful offspring, and
Even if the function were to produce happiness, getting what one wants does not produce happiness. Rather, growth and fulfillment are what tend to produce happiness, and
Growth and fulfillment are more likely to occur when one does not get what one wants.

mashedturnip · 2026-01-31T15:38:41+00:00

Men already know why.

They just don’t like or agree with it

The only reasonable standard a woman can have is whatever that particular man wants her to have

bondepart · 2026-01-31T13:53:50+00:00

I don’t think women’s standards are too high. Is it too high to want a man you feel safe with, who sees you as a human being and cares about your feelings? Just most men don’t meet those standards.

IgorXY · 2026-01-31T13:53:24+00:00

Why can't men excersice their physical strength advantage? It's natural that the stronger one can take something from a weaker one. Why humans established set if rules to prevent this?

projecteddesperation · 2026-01-31T15:51:28+00:00

Don't owe to someone? Sure. But you at least owe it to yourself to have rational and reasonable enough standards to be able to explain them.

waffleznstuff30 · 2026-01-31T19:03:16+00:00

I think it's because they want to point and laugh, feel outraged, and say women are so delusional when it comes to standards they themselves don't meet and the women deserve some retribution (he will never take you seriously or pump and dump). Like some kind of emotional masochism. They will pursue women who wouldn't be into them be rejected by said woman and complain her standards are too high and be the victims of women's high standards.

I think it's a form of self flagellation and a way to stay a victim of their circumstances. Instead of being introspective and working and growing. Instead they want to debate women's worth on standards. Like what makes you think you deserve that?

sweatyandbitchy · 2026-01-31T15:34:41+00:00

men can have legit preferences of hair color or tits v ass and women are the shallow ones

warichnochnie · 2026-01-31T17:24:25+00:00

women shouldn't leave relationships just because they're bored

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KhadgarIsaDreadlord · 2026-01-31T15:11:18+00:00

I agree that people can put the bar as high as they want. What they can't do without getting clowned on is be vocal / demanding about those expectations and to complain when they get no attention from people who are within those expectations.

They-man69 · 2026-01-31T16:31:35+00:00

Ok, we can’t control others standards, but a lot of people (not me) are going to judge you negatively depending on how niche they are.

My_House_on_Mars · 2026-01-31T13:30:15+00:00

It's so weird to me that men who struggle think it's an actual solution to argue until women, all collectively, lower their standards. It's a perfect excuse to not actually try anything like joining activities or going to the gym.

Also who gets to say they are high? Maybe guys are shooting above their league, like the Ok cupid blogpost suggests

Site-wide, two-thirds of male messages go to the best-looking third of women. So basically, guys are fighting each other 2-for-1 for the absolute best-rated females, while plenty of potentially charming, even cute, girls go unwritten.

Fart_Face_3098 · 2026-01-31T14:30:06+00:00

Alright no need to get huffy with me I didn't ask

Gentle_prv · 2026-01-31T16:00:21+00:00

I do personally think a lot of (not most) of women’s physical standards are too high, mostly in this current dating market. Their personality standards tend to be more reasonable, with lots of variability.
I got lucky with my gf that she could see past my 6/10 self for the 9 or 10/10 personality I have (both ratings, physical and personality, were real ratings she gave me). Looks fade over time, why should those matter that much?

Title	Women don't owe you explanation of their standards.
Author	Lemon_gecko
Upvotes	0
Comments	481
Date	January 31, 2026 1:15 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qs22cn/women_dont_owe_you_explanation_of_their_standards/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-dont-owe-you-explanation-of-their-standards.1572386 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572386

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