How'd You Find FDS?

w1tchyw0man · 2022-02-14T08:13:29+00:00

One of the women here reached out to me after a post I wrote in another subreddit and basically saved me from an abusive relationship. That's how.

spinsterchachkies · 2022-02-14T07:41:30+00:00

I found it while asking a question about a bad date in a dating advice sub. I mentioned what a date did and asked if that was normal nowadays and got dragged through the internet for it. The men on there said I didn’t deserve shit, said they would punch me in the face, they said I had out of control high standards, they called me a man hater and said I belonged here at FDS… etc etc. I never heard of it so I came here to see what the horror was about. I asked my question and surprise! It was answered. Turns out he was just a dirty bum 🤷🏼‍♀️ The question? I asked if it was normal nowadays for men to show up for dates unshowered wearing house slippers.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2022-02-14T07:50:07+00:00

I was googling pickme questions like "how can I make him listen" in a vain attempt to prevent divorce and one of the results was an FDS post explaining that he already knows. It finally clicked for me because for years I would tell my ex "it's like you know better but you don't care better" (I was this close to getting it!). I was already a feminist and anti-porn after being involved with a few porn addicts so I spent the next few months reading the handbook and posts. It was just so refreshing and validating to see so many things I'd suspected or learned condensed here.

So yeah, here I am. Unapologetically radfem and pro-FDS. My DMs are disabled, scrotes, die mad 😘

Salt_Satisfaction · 2022-02-14T10:08:31+00:00

Just as most people here, I found it because people were saying in the comments what a delusional and nazi-like place this was. I checked the subreddit out expecting it to be like incel or mgtow subreddits.

The tone of the subreddit drew me aback at first but a lot of things started to make sense. Especially the "if he wanted to, he would". And if he doesn't, he's not that into you. I had asked relationship advice before on the usual subreddits about a problem that was essentially that, and all I got was "cOmMuNiCaTe" or things I could try to spice up the bedroom lol.

From other experiences with people around me, I thought FDS had a really good understanding of abusive relationships. Lundy Bancroft's book was such a good recommendation as well.

vaguelinen · 2022-02-14T07:50:34+00:00

I was on a number of feminist subs that were banned but somehow missed FDS. I was on a faux feminism sub where someone said another poster belonged here because she was toxic for having a perfectly reasonable argument. I was so excited and came straight over all but screaming I found my people 😂

moonartemis1989 · 2022-02-14T07:28:35+00:00

I had my first "relationship". 3 years ago. And I did evey pick me shit thinking that was the "correct way" I shd behave. And when it blew up .I didn't have anything to show for it.

I knew somewhere in my guy that I was doing something wrong. But I didn't know what. But the feeling was too strong. I couldn't ignore it. And also my parents relationship was crumbling down and I wanted to learn more about male female relationships cause I had no idea.

And then after googling a question I ended up on fds. And I spent a whole year reading the articles the things everything. I didn’t agree with the porn idea or some stuff in the beginning but u lovely ladies were proved right . (As always)

And now here I am a radical feminist and a woman who owes no man any shit.

c_a_t_lady · 2022-02-14T07:34:39+00:00

I found it in either the "nice guys" -sub or something similar (where they make fun of a certain group), where somebody in the comments mentioned FDS and said how toxic and delusional it was. One of the main reasons I went to Reddit was to see these "messed up" groups (out of curiosity), so I obviously went to check it out.

At first, I just was a bit dissapointed, because the descriptions that people made in the comments had me expecting this to be an absolutely absurd and shocking sub, but I just thought "this isn't that bad". I scrolled it a bit and started to think this could actually be the type of content I need, even though at this point I still disagreed with several things with the group. However, it gave me explanations to phenomena I had in a way noticed but hadn't understood yet. It also gave me actual tools to deal with some fears I had, instead of just telling me counterproductive ideas like to go on a low effort date so I won't owe him anything and he'll think I'm "girlfriend material" or to date an ugly guy so he'd treat me well.

Aristocats_3 · 2022-02-14T09:56:30+00:00

I live in a Southeast Asian country where arranged marriages are the socially approved norm. Love marriages or dating are frowned upon. I had my doubts about arranged marriages but I wanted to avoid criticism, so I didn't voice any of my misgivings.

Until after my sister's marriage.

My older sister is now married to a deeply misogynist LV scrote with a baby after being a "good girl" and following her parents instructions on who to marry. He doesn't have a job, runs errands for his father who gives him pocket monet for his necessities while sister works 9-5 to support herself, her husband and her baby.

I HATE my parents for what they have done to my sister. Now I realise that I was deliberately fooling myself when I thought that my mother, a LVW, and my father, an abusive NVM would ever find a good husband for my sister.

I was panic striken when I saw where my future would go if I left the decision on whom I should marry to my parents.

For the first time in my life I googled to find tips on dating for women. And that's how I found FDS.

Now ironically, I have no desire to get married at all and am fully committed to leveling up my life in all areas. Thank you for all the work you have put into this, FDS! 🙏

Professional-Ad-457 · 2022-02-14T09:05:53+00:00

I googled “the rules dating book group” because my pickme friends loathe that I strictly use the rules on my dates (even tho my scrotes spoil me & ‘act’ loved up as a result vs their scrotes who just treat them like hookups?!) and I wanted to read other women’s experiences with doing it. This sub popped up in my search & I felt so validated by you-all. I have been radicalised 😂and take zero sh*te from men now because…THEY KNOW 🤡

Davina33 · 2022-02-14T08:27:42+00:00

I found this sub through an incel sub. I'm forever grateful lol. May they continue sending women here. It's nothing like they describe. Men feel threatened by us all waking up to their manipulation.

ifhewantedtohewould · 2022-02-14T08:00:45+00:00

Through a scrote crossposting something from here onto a sub which I no longer follow 😂 I checked it out expecting to see a bunch of “man haters” and “female incels” and instantly felt like I found my people!! I no longer felt alone. So thankful 💕

mandoa_sky · 2022-02-14T09:10:09+00:00

it was all the complaints about this sub that made me decide to check it out

bz_212 · 2022-02-14T09:41:56+00:00

Abusive ex went on rants about how the women on FDS were basically “female incels”. It went on for days. But luckily it was right around the time I needed vaginal surgery from the sexual abuse and then a suicide attempt + trauma IOP therapy. I started really realizing how bad things had been and it helped give me strength to leave. I’m now thankfully divorced and working on trying to get justice in a system that’s utterly broken. I bet he’s even reading this very comment since he refuses to stop stalking me despite the orders in place.

23eggz · 2022-02-14T08:07:29+00:00

I cant remember the specific context but it was definitely a man complaining in the comment section somewhere about fds. I checked it out of curiosity and was instantly impressed!

CrackpotPatriot · 2022-02-14T12:10:26+00:00

I’m honestly unsure, but I’ve been banned from my feminist subs because I commented here, which I find distinctly controlling in a very UNfeminist way!

DrildoBagurren · 2022-02-14T10:23:11+00:00

I genuinely found it (on my old account) via people complaining about it lmao 🤣 it didn't have many members back then and I didn't know what it was but it quickly became one of my favourite subs and it survived the Reddit purge. I'm so glad it's grown.

Codex-42 · 2022-02-14T09:37:29+00:00

In a meme about toxic subs. As a feminist I'm used to men treating feminist spaces as hate groups no matter to the group's opinions and activities, so I wasn't impressed and came here to read.

I was surprised to see a space that is against sex work and porn, and especially against bdsm. These were my opinions and I couldn't find a single feminist who agrees with me in other feminist spaces.

I'm glad I found this sub, I ended up learning so much about myself and understood my past relationships in a way that I never realised before.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2022-02-14T13:08:17+00:00

I found this place when it was still small under my old account. I don’t remember exactly how though. This was before it had pinged on wider Reddit as “the most toxic sub on Reddit” 🙄 and before news coverage. But I liked it a lot right away. I’ve been in (albeit mostly libfem) feminist spaces since like 2007 so none of the core feminist ideals were shocking. I also read more “radical” blogs like Twisty Faster’s back in the day the so yucky stuff about patriarchy and the nature of men and the depravity of porn are old news to me too. (Actually it’s kind of funny how Reddit boys think we are the first to come for their precious porn, porn has been criticized non-religiously by feminists since before their mothers were born, FDS is not inventing the wheel here lol.)

Anyway I really loved how FDS pushed back against standard Reddit and wider societal advice that told women to communicate or bend her standards, and seemed to place her sexual availability to her man as top priority. And FDS were unabashedly targeting regular everyday women out there dating in hookup culture and navigating careers, with an eye for unapologetic female solidarity. It was not some secluded, ivory tower space in academia or something. It’s for the “normies”, for all women. This is imo the MOST important quality we have; I had seen the old feminist spaces of the aughts splinter with infighting and I appreciated how firm this community was about supporting maximum female benefit and keeping class solidarity.

I had been on Reddit for years devouring relationships subs and adjacent ones like AITA. I frequented nice guys, let’s not meet, the “feminist” subs like ask women. But I had started to tire of the same old bad advice, which never jived with what I saw in my real life with me and my friends (stuff like “be a girl boss! It’s 20xx! Chase him! Aw he probably didn’t mean it, give him the benefit of the doubt 🥺”) I was remarried but still processing the mind fuck that was my prior marriage and dating years. Those subs started to frustrate me but I couldn’t put my finger on why until I came here and everything clicked. Men chase the women they really want. If he wanted to he would. Benefit of the doubt is a repulsive concept in the face of clearly abusive or disrespectful behaviors. Side note, I can’t really read let’s not meet stories much anymore because the majority of them are painfully naive women entertaining strange creepy men when they should block & delete, ignore etc., they just need to come here and realize that they don’t have to be nice to some creepy asshole. Same with the nice guys sub, now all I see is a woman giving her time and energy over texts to some incel she should have blocked at the first message, just to get post fodder. But I digress.

I lurked for a looong time and made this account as my throw away when I got up the courage to comment. Now my old account is long gone and this is my main.

dreamsonastring · 2022-02-14T11:07:16+00:00

I found it, while browsing relationship related subs, dealing with a crush I developed. At first, I didn't much like what I read, especially the notion that mixed signals mean no, which I really did not want to hear at that moment. It was, however, absolutely true and what I needed to acknowledge.

The more I read, the more interesting I found the sub. While I suppose nobody here agrees with every single thing on FDS, I found it is extremely refreshing to find a feminist site that really puts women's needs first and doesn't try to construct a perfect world we do not live in. I found it empowering and would recommend it especially to young women, who have been fed a million Disney stereotypes that do not hold up in reality.

I also found the hate this site gets really attractive. It is hated by all the right people. By abusers, users and misogynists. While I never cared much for expensive dates and presents (and still think, other ways of showing affection are way more important), the backlash that comes for women who dare to say "I want to be treated to a nice dinner and find generousity (or abs and big dicks) attractive" is really unmasking the men doing it. FDS is hardly the equivalent of the MRAs demanding a neverending supply of perpetually 20year old submissive mommybangmaids. It teaches self esteem and setting boundaries, voicing your desires which is really healthy for everyone.

Also the vehement anti-porn stance of the site really spoke to me. Being anti-porn has nothing to do with being prude and everything with being anti-abuse. And girls in todays world cannot learn that early enough. We cannot accept the dehumanization women are facing everywhere, not in love and not anywhere else.

Huntscunt · 2022-02-14T12:53:15+00:00

A lovely person DMed me after I posted in a dating over 30 sub how frustrated I was that men seemed to only want to date way below their age.

This sub really helped me realize that I don't want a partner like that anyway because I am frankly too good for them (I'm hot with a PhD, lol). Anyway, in part thanks to FDS, I'm now in an amazing relationship with a woman my own age, and I feel this sub has really given me the tools and confidence to not put up with disrespect

So, extra thanks to whoever that user was!

Reasonable-Slice-827 · 2022-02-14T08:00:57+00:00

Two FDS members were in my DMs of my old reddit account after I posted about some BS I was putting up with. A week before the messages had come in, I had done a ritual for the goddess Kali (Kali is seen as the ultimate mother figure, protector, and liberator) and asked to have connection with other women, because I felt so alone in my relationships with men, and I couldn't make female friends. I can't even trust my own mother. I definetly didn't trust men (and rightly so). After finding FDS I am so much more confident in my standards and boundaries. I don't wast time with people. I've leveled up in ways I didn't think of before just because I've finally taken the time to take care of myself.

mojbuja · 2022-02-14T13:32:23+00:00

that's exactly how I found it. It was mentioned by some guy whinging about how his girlfriend was on here and how it is full of man-haters. I came and saw nothing of the sort. Like me, most have found HVM few and far between. We've seen the game players and mind-f*ckers. I, myself, was gas-lit for years. I've let men use my insecurities. I'm 51 now. I am no longer looking. But, I am here to offer whatever wisdom I've accumulated and all the support my heart can afford.

ChickEnergy · 2022-02-14T10:06:34+00:00

I saw a screen shot of a post from FDS on another sub and everyone agreed it was badshit crazy and a thought fake scenario... But the post wasn't crazy and actually described my situation with my at that time lvm boyfriend. So I decided to come here and I've been here for 1,5 year!

Betty_Bottle · 2022-02-14T12:11:17+00:00

I can't remember what sub I was browsing but someone commented on a post, in kindness, that the OP should visit this sub. I checked it out and BAM! Women who thought the same way I did. Especially when it came to porn and degrading sex acts. Suddenly I wasn't boring or a prude, I was just a sad little pickme who deserved better.

makeawomancum · 2022-02-14T08:18:49+00:00

To be honest it was so random. After Kobe Bryant passed away (rest in peace to Gianna), I was a bit taken aback at how offended fans were when people would bring up his rape allegation. I understood grieving an athlete they highly looked up to, but I also had internal conflict because I was a rape victim who wasn’t always believed. I’m not saying he’s guilty, but the way men and pick-mes painted him as absolutely innocent rubbed me the wrong way… his case was settled outside of court, that doesn’t make him automatically innocent the same way we don’t know if he was guilty. Regardless of whether the rape happened or not, he was a serial cheater. He cheated on his wife, Vanessa over 100 times and people glorify their marriage as one of the greatest romances. I was trying to see if even one person on Reddit was talking about the disparity in empathy when it came to Kobe and his potential victim - I landed in FDS. A pleasant surprise to see so many likeminded women who prioritize female safety over male feelings… ever since I’ve been learning from reading wisdom and discussions from women here.

Edit: I imagine other rape victims had the same internal conflict as me with seeing him referred to as the GOAT (greatest of all time). I agree he was an incredible athlete. But the defensiveness of some fans speaks volumes about rape culture. The #girldad narrative also irked me because he did cheat on his wife postpartum and while she was pregnant. I’m happy he embraced fatherhood toward the end of his life, however having daughters doesn’t excuse a man from every thing he’s ever done… that being said, I hope all the victims of that crash are at rest.

girltranquil · 2022-02-14T12:31:43+00:00

I was messaging with a guy and he mentioned this group. He said it actually was helping him realize he was LV and he had to do better. We're no longer in contact but that's how I got here

Xenobia95 · 2022-02-14T09:08:53+00:00

I saw a newspaper article praising FDS and stating things I already believed like a man should pay on dates, something even my married relatives heartily disagreed on, icing on the cake is they are trapped in loveless marriages now and I'm single and living my best life 👌

mrs_snrub_86 · 2022-02-14T13:21:51+00:00

I was crying because my boyfriend didn’t propose on our 5 year anniversary. I found a sub about women waiting for their boyfriends to propose and someone used the term forever girlfriend. I googled that and found FDS. Proceeded to read a lot more and things started to click and make sense. I eventually left my LVX and this sub has really helped me make sense of what happened and why ex acted the way he did. And how to protect myself in the future.

FineDeliciousSnakes · 2022-02-14T13:28:22+00:00

I found FDS when an angry 13 year old boy posted about it on Reddit somewhere. I never made an account on Reddit until I read his post and then discovered this sub

I thanked him and he imploded

Remarkable-Ad-4758 · 2022-02-14T09:08:56+00:00

I found it after I posted a very scary expierence I had with a LVM (self proclaimed on his linkedin as having ‘emotional issues’) from OLD. One of the woman private messaged me saying I should have a look at FDS and it saved my life. That was about 14 months ago and I broke the cycle of allowing awful Men into my life - it is no coincedence that I have not had a relationSHIT since - as I am able to identify horrific behaviour within weeks rather than let it go on for months / years.

morn727 · 2022-02-14T08:55:16+00:00

A friend of mine mentioned how my husband seemed like a "HV man".

I asked her what that meant and here I am, lol

MajesticSkyPachyderm · 2022-02-14T10:00:26+00:00

Same as you, a cringe sub. One of the first I browsed of its kind too 😂

Jacqued_and_Tan · 2022-02-14T09:50:03+00:00

I came across this sub randomly and stayed for the knowledge. I want to gain as much information as I can to teach my teenage daughter how to deal with men, because I've had a terrible time with relationships with men the past. I'm technically bisexual but consider myself a lesbian out of choice. My wife and I have purposefully set out to keep our personal lives and circles woman-only. I'd be doing my daughter a huge disservice if I didn't teach her how to protect herself in relationships with men.

KhaleesiXev · 2022-02-14T10:39:10+00:00

I found this sub because of a comment on a different sub I follow. It was either a comedy sub or shock video sub. The comment said the woman in the video (who was shitting on a restaurant floor, then threw the shit at the employee) was ALMOST as bad as the women on FDS.

I came here was was absolutely delighted! Excellent advice, supportive women, and encouragement not to compromise on standards: I have been observing and absorbing ever since.

ButterfliesHurricane · 2022-02-14T11:11:33+00:00

I found this sub through another forum for mums, it was recommended by several ladies there.

VintagePallor · 2022-02-14T13:39:37+00:00

An article in The Guardian! It wasn't as biased as many other pieces on FDS and the philosophy instantly appealed to me as being a return to more retro, formalized dating as opposed to the nasty casual sex "situationships" women accept for themselves today. I got it right away and I've never looked back!

veniphyl · 2022-02-14T10:37:54+00:00

I read FDD threads that showed up on the front page for some months and finally went to the sub.

Usual-Vegetable-3638 · 2022-02-14T12:16:52+00:00

I found this sub because some whiny scrotes are complaining about FDS from another sub that asks questions. They make make fun of this, so I clicked the link to check and that got me here. I got curious so I read most of the post to check this sub, I realised what they say was far from the truth. This sub is good, it provides healthy advice and wisdom for women. This sub actually gives real life example and proper ways to deal with it safely. So yes, I'm thankful I checked it before judging. I'm grateful for being here in this group and being with you sisters.

LingonberryMoney8466 · 2022-02-14T12:27:23+00:00

I want to tell a story: when I was 16, I once confessed to my mom that I didn't know how I would react if a strange man came to me and asked for my phone number, for instance. I had no idea or strenght to say no. She was terrified, and a few days later called my dad to lengthly explain to me why I should have boundaries and have no doubts on enforcing them etc. Despite their atempts, I didn't fully internalize this idea. I was created to be passive, agreable, gentle - I want to cry whenever I think on how strong and phenomenal my parents are, but in many aspects they didn't knew any better -, traits that wrongfuly I internalized as part of my personality.

Then, I found this sub, probably just stumbled upon it on my feed. It saved my sanity. It validated so many thoughts I had but saw no reference of, and put into words things I felt but couldn't otherwise explain. Why I strongly disliked such a huge part of media these days (male gaze, porn, violence, libfem, sex sex sex). Why I actually felt no real emotions when thinking about romance and dating these days (there's almost no more courting, reverence, delicacy anymore). Guess what? I want what I want, and make no apologies.
I want a relationship that's easy, genuinely good, in which I'm respected, validated, loved, revered, admired. I want I man whom I'll feel attracted to, that shares my values, that does not curse (get off with the fuc-ing, I only make love), who I'd feel proud to introduce to my parents and call him the father of my children. I'm not asking for nothing I won't offer.

I want to thank this sub for validating me. To saying it's okay to have my boundaries and stick to them. I don't have to kiss anyone I don't feel melted for, and I for sure do not need to do anything I do not feel the burning desire to do. I'm very lucky in that I already have a very HV mom with already many good values, and spared myself of many of the mistakes girls/women my age are already doing. The world would be a very different place if more women had acess to this sub. I'm deeply thankful to all of you ladies. Y'all (we!) rock!

Ugandabekiddingme2 · 2022-02-14T11:30:31+00:00

I’d been on Purple Pill Debate for 4 years. I kept hearing about FDS. I kept hearing how toxic it was. I just decided to peek. Once there, I had to accept the harsh reality that I had been a Pickmeisha to my exes and was indoctrinated by the false teachings liberal feminism.

yummybananacake · 2022-02-14T12:26:28+00:00

I found fds on the Tinder sub, the scrotes were calling this sub toxic. Mind you this is after posting how to harass/date women on Tinder. I am so glad to find this sub. I feel like my eyes have been opened. I have experienced a few negative hetero relationships and always blamed myself. I feel a lot of peace knowing that my standards are just normal (respect/kindness) and the bar is to low for men. So thanks ladies for the camaraderie. It’s really nice hearing from the enlightened women.

ElyonVonTiri · 2022-02-14T13:35:04+00:00

I honestly can’t remember and I always wish I could. It was probably 2020 after a breakup. I feel like I was googling if I was crazy or had BPD because I felt like I was going crazy. A part of me thought I was allowed to be upset for how I was treated during that relationship, but you know “if a women acts upset she must be crazy.” So I wanted answers. And I’m pretty sure that’s what led me here. At first I just read posts here and there. My sister recalls I would send her FDS posts occasionally. Overtime as I slowly gained confidence (mainly from being here) I started reading more and more posts. And man, I don’t know who that girl was a year or two ago, but she’s gone. I just wish I had found it sooner. Much sooner. I can’t thank FDS enough. It has changed my life.

ImpressiveHat8550 · 2022-02-14T08:06:34+00:00

On a hate post about it. 😂 Looked up the “awful” sub and found it wasn’t awful at all, it just doesn’t cater to men and excuse pick me\libfem behavior.

motokos_ghost · 2022-02-14T13:38:43+00:00

i found it while browsing the dont contact your x sub. one of you amazing queens commented ''you should check out the ladies over at FDS''..and i did.

my life has never been the same since..i'm in such a better place emotionally because of this sub.

Colour_riot · 2022-02-14T13:55:35+00:00

Can't really rmb but think it was when I doing one of those searches for hOw To CoMmUnIcAtE with a NVM doing NVM things. The FDS answer made so much sense and just confirmed that he was being manipulative.

I've also realised that different subs hate on FDS for different reasons.

The incel ones are obsessed with us, sure, but in the other subs the male commenters tend to cry at 50:50 / "dIvOrCe RaPe" bullshit and the female commenters tend to get offended by the no liberal sex and think that we meant to insult them or something (no - we just don't think that's advisable but you do you)

Somehow a group of women applying their standards on their own lives offends a whole bunch of people who feel they have some entitlement over that

The_Cat_Empress · 2022-02-14T13:41:24+00:00

That’s funny how you found it!!

It’s funny because how I found FDS it was a random video on dating on YT (a silly cartoon avatar head guy, I know, cringe) and how this dude was trying to find love in hookups and felt empty inside.

Me trying to be open minded I wanted to see the “other side” with men and then he mentioned FDS and the common misconceptions associated with it like “yo a woman talked about a man being SAed and those women banned her, this place is harmful to men!!” 🙄

I didn’t even bother finishing his vid and ran here in a “not gonna listen to you Mom” kind of way. Ever since then I’ve made up my own mind and realized this place has a LOT to offer.

I want to know how many sisters here found this place out of curiosity and just…never left haha

BloomStarrwyn · 2022-02-14T09:09:11+00:00

A friend sorta mentioned it in the past but I saw nothing much in it until a guy friend became a huge problem in my life. He turned to be a very porn sick incel that was quite manipulative/emotionally abusive of me. FDS over time sorta gave me signs of this manipulation/abuse through posts and just ended up cutting ties with the NVM. I’m very happy that I started to raise standards of men in my life.

Rosa98 · 2022-02-14T10:19:16+00:00

I was never looking for this subreddit, but it kept being recommended to me. I ignored it for the longest time, because I didn’t have an interest in dating. And also because I thought it would be lame dating advice (the kind you find in a women’s magazine). But when I finally looked into the subreddit, I was pleasantly surprised!

Strange-Middle-1155 · 2022-02-14T12:33:32+00:00

All the warnings about how toxic and dangerous and delusional this sub was made me curious. Probably from comments on meme/joke subs. I went looking for toxicity, kept reading until I found what they were warning me for, and only found stuff that was actually useful for when you want to avoid unhealthy relationships. So funny how the bad publicity gets like a third of the people here.

snowwhite224 · 2022-02-14T14:46:01+00:00

I had gone on a bumble coffee date and was very turned off that he got there before me, ordered, and when I arrived didn’t even offer to pay for mine. It was like my attraction vanished in 2 seconds.

I talked to a friend and she thought I sounded very “entitled”. And she mentioned that a date not paying for her isn’t a deal breaker or even a thought regarding if she wouldn’t see him again.

I started googling “who should pay on a first date” and the rest is history! I found my people lol 💕

Large-Government7054 · 2022-02-14T11:30:14+00:00

Someone on Askreddit said this was a toxic place, took a look for myself and though it was wonderful and instantly subbed

kinkardine · 2022-02-14T14:14:31+00:00

Lol after dragging a situationship for 21 month, who was about to get divorced 21 month ago, I was wondering how to keep him interested in me🤡 I started searching dating advice, and landed here, I ended my love on 21 day with my ‘wanna be PUA fuckboy’, well it took that long cause he had my dream body and I was wondering can I keep him as casual, but felt that I do want to nurture a long term relationship, pour my heart out to someone and include someone in my life and wanna feel belonged to- that is not going to happen if I keep spending my limited energy and time in casual encounters. I have grown so much, took off my naive rose coloured glasses, I can see through people, intentions, social conditionings, I just feel so free now.

Also I grieved and still grief of all the potential integrity of women that fell through the cracks of my patriarchal culture, every time I prioritize myself I feel I am doing it for and on behalf of all the women of my previous generations, who had heart of gold, all they wanted to be loved and feel a bit appreciated.

CatSweets · 2022-02-14T14:26:07+00:00

I found it after that big purge Reddit made on "hateful" subs that ended up deleting a lot of radical feminist spaces - I saw a list somewhere of subs that would probably be deleted next, and FDS was one of them.

Japanese_Lasagna · 2022-02-14T15:11:48+00:00

IIRC I was looking up groups that were directed towards women/females, and this is one that Reddit suggested, funny enough.

What I find so strange is that men on Reddit get all weird and pissy about FDS, yet there was a question just the other day on a popular men’s subreddit asking men who were single why they were, and many of them had answers similar to why many FDS women choose to be single. It’s fine for men but not for women to choose to be single apparently?

Saga-the-fierce · 2022-02-14T11:19:03+00:00

I found this sub after my last serious relationship and I was navigating the dating scene. If I'm completely honest, I initially thought it wasn't a great space for me because most of the posts come from a negative mindset. It was confusing for me at first. I also didn't realise the Handbook existed.

A while later, I stumbled across the Handbook and I remember thinking "yasssss" 🙌🏻 . But I was still confused by the overwhelmingly negative posts, so I was still cautious.

I had an on-off relationship with FDS while I was navigating the dating scene. My previous profile used "datingoverthirty" a lot, and I kept getting rescue mission messages from FDS users (these did NOT work for me personally).

It took a REALLY long time for me to understand the aims of female dating strategy is to help women navigate a world that isn't designed for our benefit. The Handbook is pretty much what I use this sub for, or the occasional post which resonates with me as a person. It took me a long time to understand that the seemingly negative posts are actually part of a person's learning process about the realities of not vetting properly.

I now love FDS and I apply this to my life regularly. I also have great relationships with the men in my life and am more confident that ever in my boundaries.

I scroll past or hide the posts I don't want to see. I'm rarely interested in what others think about FDS because it's not their business.

TheIndoorPlantQueen · 2022-02-14T08:36:10+00:00

During COVID 2020 I found myself living back at my parent's house after my ZVX dumped me and took all of my furniture. After several months of recovery I decided to google dating tips, because I didn't want to make the same mistakes I'd made with my ex.

Naturally, my googling lead me to perusing the Reddit dating advice tips, on a relationship sub. Some of the advice was rather helpful! One random commenter recommended the FDS sub. And I'm so glad they did.

That one simple comment changed the trajectory of my life.

showmewhoiam · 2022-02-14T10:59:33+00:00

Im not kidding. A guy I was seeing sent it to me. He was a fan. Dumped him but didnt forget the link he sent me.

anakinakova · 2022-02-14T11:34:33+00:00

Luckily it was on the front page and I happened to be bored enough to download reddit. I am so glad I found this sub. I wish I found it before I had a baby with a NVM but I'm glad I found it all the same.

RoselDavis · 2022-02-14T11:41:36+00:00

A woman from a level up group on Facebook mentioned it, and I decided to check it out. I was already on the path but FDS has zero tolerance policy towards scrotes which is not always the case in level up groups because some women are still pick me's on there.

wonkyeyes8877 · 2022-02-14T13:39:13+00:00

FDS was on the front page maybe a year and a half ago. I saw a post about something, I forget what it was about, but I absolutely loved it. I commented something like "what the hell is this?! I love it!" It was on an old long gone account though.

Far_from_deceived · 2022-02-14T13:57:53+00:00

I was rescue by a sister when I posted about how I hated house dates in /datingadvice and obviously scrotes started gaslighting me there.

Now I’m no longer part of those groups.

I could not be more grateful! Thank you sis!

lcoquette2 · 2022-02-14T09:35:26+00:00

My sister 😂

pwc003 · 2022-02-14T12:57:05+00:00

I found it linked on some other sub by a scrote linking it ironically. Best thing he did for me. Made me find you ladies <3

Mami_chula_ · 2022-02-14T13:03:21+00:00

My lovely friend sent me a link and told me to check it out. So glad she did!

Interesting-Bat3992 · 2022-02-14T14:14:58+00:00

I was on google searching a question about guys because I was curious about the boobs/butt guy question that seemed to be floating around a lot at the time.

I must have worded it in a way (I was angry and disgusted with the previous libfem/male responses on another website) that made an FDS post the first search result.

I wasn't dating, wasn't in any relationship, young and just curious about what the deal with men was. At first I was skeptical about reddit- I never used it and I heard that reddit was (and still is) mainly a cesspool of incels and mysogynistic and abusive basement-dwellers with "dark humour".

I got extremely lucky that the first reddit post I ever came across was FDS.

ConfusedBisexual1992 · 2022-02-14T14:35:17+00:00

I Googled ‘why are men so unattractive’ and an FDS post came up. I’ve also had messages on my other account directing me here after asking what warning signs I need to be aware of when dating.

JulyParade · 2022-02-14T15:29:23+00:00

I was reading a forever girlfriend's dating post. Commenters were doing their usual "he might still propose after 10 years!" thing. Someone said FDS had a 1 year rule. That really spoke to me because I've never had a relationship over 1.5 years (I'm the one who ended those).

I've always felt odd in relationships because I'm usually giving up something to be there. But what is the man giving up? His freedom? They can keep their freedom! FDS has helped me overcome the feeling that I might be avoiding relationships. I am, actually, avoiding the wrong relationships. It's nice to know others are too.

Watercress_Thin · 2022-02-14T09:30:50+00:00

I was in a rut after my first relationship and kinda made a desperate post asking why I’m always so unlucky when it comes to relationships and someone told me to go here

solitaestoymejor · 2022-02-14T12:27:04+00:00

I followed FDS before I knew what it was. I don’t remember exactly where I saw it but probably someone talking negatively about it seems to be the trend.

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2022-02-14T16:41:12+00:00

I found FDS when I Googled "why do so many men feign incompetence when it cones to chores" and I landed on an FDS post about weaponized incompetence. I noticed a trend in my previous relationships with LV/NVM where they purposely sabotage their chores (breaking dishes while washing them, not wiping down counters, etc). I scrolled through FDS and saw that the posts aligned with my beliefs, so I made this account to avoid harassment in other subs and to avoid being banned in relationship subs for offering advice to women to dump their scrotes. So glad I found FDS!

Confidence_Relative · 2022-02-14T15:00:26+00:00

Through our biggest promoters!! Angry scrotes shitting on FDS in other subs. Not sure I want them to die mad just yet. They are sending women here in droves with their thrash talk. All while we living rent free in their angry heads. It’s fucking hilarious. If we paid them they couldn’t do a better job. For the success of the sub and podcast they deserve some credit. Every time they mention FDS, they make us more popular.

BrightIdeaGenerator · 2022-02-14T15:40:55+00:00

Someone in one of the more libfem subs referenced it and said that it was the female equalivant of redpill, and the FDS literally wanted short men, poor men, and men with small dicks to die. That sounded a little extreme but I thought I'd see what all the fuss is about. Lo and behold, it's not eugenics and hate, but women supporting women and having boundaries!

One_Bat_2525 · 2022-02-14T16:14:47+00:00

I found it when it made the front page on Reddit. I decided to have a browse and I loved that this was a community of females, run by females and had the best interests of females. I devoured the posts and the hand book and realized that I always seemed to put the needs of men and others before my own. I was bought up in a patriarchal culture where I would have comments like “You need to cook so you can feed your husband” or “You can wear makeup when you get your husband’s approval.” The latter comment was said to me when I was 10.

Even though I’m in a good relationship, this space has given me the confidence to become better and put my needs first. I no longer feel guilty about spending my time or money on myself. I wish I had found this place when I was younger and dated so many shitty guys. I genuinely thought I was going crazy when listening to the advice of others telling me to communicate or try harder, when they would act more like a douche bag.

Rayne2522 · 2022-02-14T16:44:08+00:00

I found it after somebody was complaining about how toxic it was on another subreddit

Solid-Liquid · 2022-02-14T17:01:46+00:00

Was complaining about my ex in a thread and someone sent me a link. Suddenly everything clicked and I was validated on my anger

candyfox84 · 2022-02-14T17:25:34+00:00

I don’t remember! I wish I did so I could go thank the person. When I first read FDS I had no idea how controversial it was, pretty much everything seemed pretty baseline to me. But when I linked to FDS on another sub and got banned, that’s when I first understood. I’m honestly much more aware of misogyny now.

frogchickenhorse · 2022-02-14T10:13:37+00:00

Somehow ended up in a situationship, which I ended after 6 weeks. I couldn’t understand my behaviour, the things he said and I was having trouble letting go. I googled a question and fds came up via reddit which I hadn’t used before.

Yogacat4 · 2022-02-14T14:08:33+00:00

I found the sub via a post in a very popular lifestyle bloggers Facebook group! 🙃🤣

bleda_princezna · 2022-02-14T15:27:00+00:00

My now ex boyfriend never initiated sex (only in the begining, when I didn't express any interest in it yet), but once we got past the first few times, suddenly he turned completely cold). Turned cold in other ways as well, pretty much forcing me into chasing him. He'd breadcrumb me if I seemed to get distant or if I was spending a lot of time with friends.

So here I was, asking myself what's wrong with me and why doesn't he want me - he didn't initiate any physical contact and when I was the one initiating, he didn't do shit for me and just basically used me as something to masturbate into. It was awful, I cried after sex often, he didn't care.

I wanted some opinions, because I was clueless and apart from a couple of useless threads on the dead bedroom sub, I found some from FDS.

The rest is history, lol. I've been reading it for months now, practically on a daily basis and have leveled up in ways I didn't think I could!

And I also know I won't ever find myself stuck in a situation like the one above, because now I understand what was wrong and it didn't have anything to do with me or my worth. I just dated an emotionally unavailable user. The only positive of that relationship is that I found my way here.

thinktwiceorelse · 2022-02-14T16:40:45+00:00

I kept googling questions that no one asked, but FDS ladies.

pinkcorolla · 2022-02-14T17:34:53+00:00

My male cousin told me that joining FDS would help me and well, I did just that and he was right.

akashyaboa · 2022-02-14T16:38:49+00:00

I was stalking incel subs out of morbid curiosity and also to learn their tactics (to better spot redflags). Well wouldn't you think, every second post was about women from FDS and how they are all nasty feminists and so on. I thought it was some kind of government body for women rights and that's why they hate it, typical meninists, until someone put a link to this page. That's how I found FDS.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2022-02-14T18:48:48+00:00

I found it way back in 2019 when we only had a few thousand followers. I was getting out of a breakup and this was a great support group.

Ok-Yogurtcloset3467 · 2022-02-14T18:58:12+00:00

I'm pretty sure it was recommended to me because I followed a lot of hard-core feminist subs. FDS instantly clicked with me and for days after I was reading everything that I could find. It just amazed me that there were women like this in this day and age. I felt validated and empowered

christmasforoutlaws · 2022-02-14T20:49:42+00:00

I found FDS a few months after it was created. I remember when FDS had under 10k subscribers and honestly I didn't think it would take off. It was being shared on another female-only subreddit that is now banned. It was being talked about as basically dating for straight radfems. I lurked for a while before I started commenting, but yeah, I've been here a loooong time lol.

gcthwy · 2022-02-14T15:55:32+00:00

When gendercritical was still active, I saw a recommendation there :) well worth it!

SupremeDearLeader · 2022-02-14T18:55:48+00:00

I kept seeing other subs I'm on hating on FDS calling it angry cat ladies so came to check it out , well I don't own a cat but I have a pet rat , FDS changed my future !!!

melympia · 2022-02-14T19:03:33+00:00

I don't remember exactly. Either I saw a reference to FDS, or I was accused of being a member here - either way, I decided to check it out, and here I am.

missgelassenheit · 2022-02-14T20:01:19+00:00

I found it after I called a creepy guy porn sick and I googled the term after I used it to see where I had heard it/ to see if it’s a valid thing when I started second guessing myself and I found fds in the search results

Kingkazola · 2022-02-14T23:45:53+00:00

I found it while browing that banned sub trufemcels 2 years ago back in my pick-me days. It was for lonely women that lacked social skills and conventional attractiveness.

Eventually after posting on there complaining about the shitty dates I've been on with men I stumbled across this sub.

FDS has completely transformed my life in the best way possible I wouldn't be where I am today without it. ♥️

redpeithos · 2022-02-15T00:22:53+00:00

I searched "female" on Reddit, and (one of the) first result(s) for me was FDS. I didn't entirely understand it at first, but I came back multiple times over time. Here I am now 😁

Maingurl · 2022-02-15T02:02:41+00:00

I was in Mexico visiting my family when I accidentally stumbled on FDS. It confirmed everything I already believed about men. But what took me by surprise was learning about how much women play a role in the patriarchy. That one stung.

At first, I thought that women like that couldn't possibly exist....but then you start seeing those same qualities in your friends....your family....and it's like...shit we got a problem...It's almost like they're not seeing things for what they are... and putting women into very dangerous situations.

StrawberryMoon3 · 2022-02-15T03:34:36+00:00

The bad reputation led me here. I wanted to know why so many men were bitching and crying about this sub. I wasn't disappointed 😏

thewetdog_ · 2022-02-14T18:07:03+00:00

I genuinely think someone from gender critical dmed about it

Rip

BooksandEarlGreyTea · 2022-02-14T19:44:45+00:00

In July 2019 when I was typing a dating advice question (can't remember what) into Google, for a guy I had been dating for 4 month. This was the first result and I have hung around since.

ArugulaIsAwesome · 2022-02-15T02:55:35+00:00

I had another account and had joined Reddit to read some of the Manosphere forums out of curiosity. I had dated a red piller so was looking for more information.

They were bitching about FDS so I joined and was immediately banned from the group.

Naturally I was so curious I then made another account as a “female” and was completely converted to the much better and much more logical team.

I was shocked how much I had in common with you ladies… I’ve never read so many sentences that I myself had personally experienced.

surfgreenbabe · 2022-02-15T04:36:42+00:00

My daughter introduced this to me

ApartmentWeak1953 · 2022-02-14T08:57:04+00:00

I found it coz of FLUS . Was searching on reddit hacks and someone had probably pinned FLUS in comments and I went through and it discovered it was a safe space for female workplace issues and such and the comments were so non toxic and non competitive for once . Then after some days found that FDS exists and lurked on it for a while , read the handbook and felt like I got an older sister who I never had and wanted always , who would tell me to put myself first and all the grey areas of life which are hard to detect as we women are brainwashed since centuries to believe in true love and not see the materialistic approach of it . I am also going through a rough patch in relationship and life overall so this was much needed .

just_because_needed · 2022-02-15T20:13:32+00:00

The scrotes linked you guys. And so began my decent into hell👿. Hashtag no regrets.🥰

shoesfromparis135 · 2022-02-16T23:09:27+00:00

I remember thinking a lot about how my beliefs about men, women, and dating had changed after all of my bad experiences. In the days leading up to my discovery, I remember wondering if I really was alone in thinking and feeling the things I did. I was constantly being gaslighted and screamed at by everyone around me. I was incredibly isolated. Then I got on Reddit.

I don’t remember what sub or the topic or anything. I just remember seeing it ranted about as being crazy and toxic and evil. I remember thinking, “That sounds exactly like what people are saying about me right now.” I clicked and FINALLY FOUND MY PEOPLE after way too many years thinking I was alone. It was all here. All of it. All of my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. No, I was not alone. Far from it, in fact. It was the first time in my life I’ve ever truly felt seen, heard, and known. Validation at last.

Love this community. I’m so grateful you’re all here. 💝

2022-02-15T01:14:56+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	How'd You Find FDS?
Author	CrabEatingFox
Upvotes	555
Comments	133
Date	February 14, 2022 7:20 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ss4qru/howd_you_find_fds/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/howd-you-find-fds.1100746 https://theredarchive.com/post/1100746

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