I work with women every day after they’ve given birth. I’ve experienced SO MANY Fathers of Babies (FOBs) who are LVM. Even before discovering this sub, I felt like they were low value but couldn’t put my finger on why.

Maybe 1/10 FOBs are supportive and helpful to a mom who literally just grew another human inside of her and is now not only recovering, but doing the majority of the care for their newborn. It is almost NEVER 50/50, even if the FOB is helpful. They just simply don’t have the maternal intuition that women have after birth because of hormones - people can argue about this but there are so many studies and it’s nature/science.

The rest of the 9/10? They complain. About lack of sleep. About having to wait 6 weeks to have sex with the mom (this is such a common question and it disgusts me more every time). They ignore the mom and flirt with staff. They make inappropriate jokes. They sleep while the mom takes care of the baby. They talk about drama with their other baby mommas. They sit on their phone all day/night and ignore their newborn child. I’ve seen FOBs lay in bed ignoring their crying infant and expect the mom, who just had MAJOR SURGERY 24 hours ago (c-section), change the baby or feed it a bottle. The audacity.

1/10 of the helpful and supportive men category are actually high value. You can tell by how he treats the mom. He is encouraging, he NEVER complains about lack of sleep, he asks the mom how she is feeling throughout the day and how he can best support her. The couple is always married or engaged. He kisses her head and tells her she looks beautiful, and isn’t embarrassed to do it in front of family/staff. I’ve had an FOB go get Cheesecake Factory (40 min drive from my hospital) because the mom didn’t like the hospital food. It’s not “too much” to ask a man to go get you food that you enjoy after you just gave birth to a small human.

This is why I’m picky. This is why I’m willing to wait, even if my “biological clock” is ticking (which is obsolete now with medical advancements and adoption), and why I will not stop vetting and being picky until I find a partner who is the 1/100 I’ve described.

Edit: WOW thank you everyone for the awards!! I absolutely love all of the discussions from this post. Postpartum is not often talked about amongst women when it really should be!! Be safe out there ladies and never stop vetting!