Are average men really "struggling" to get relationships with girls?

Purple_Cruncher_123 · 2023-07-06T08:23:01+00:00

A little bit of both, though in many cases, men who are attractive enough to be a choice for casual sex are often also getting first dibs for relationships (especially when young). Yes, the relationships probably won’t last and people often write off these young relationships as the experimental phase when they bought into the “I can change him” ethos. But in aggregate, they hog the bulk of dating/casual sex/young relationships happening.

I saw this in high school, I saw this in undergrad, I saw this in grad school. There’s always the 2-3 guys in every group/cohort who’s always dating someone new for 1-5 months, or who women complained about after they realized they all slept with him. The other guys might have a single steady partner between stretches of long singlehood, and then there are those on the sidelines with at most a date here or there without much signs of things progressing anywhere.

Things do equal out for average guys as they start to hit their stride. Most find relationships by their late-20s/early-30s. I’m sure you can find any range of opinions on here about these later relationships, ranging from the positive “she ultimately chose you!” to the more cynical “you are her top choice now that she can no longer pull the guys she once did.”

If you want a personal take, I’ve seen both camps of women. But I will say, it’s specific to each person. Vetting goes a long way. Probably the one place more experienced men can have a lot to offer to younger men who were later bloomers.

peteypete78 · 2023-07-06T06:07:21+00:00

It's the under 30's that seem to be struggling with 63% being single.

But don't forget that just because a man has finally found someone doesn't mean he didn't struggle to find that 1.

zoxzoxzo · 2023-07-06T09:08:30+00:00

Most of my male friends are in the state of "I'll take what I can get". That could be seen as struggling because for the majority of time the girl they end up with wouldn't be their 1st or 2nd choice if they could successfully pursue women that they liked in the first place.
Some of my friends have never been in a relationship or it has been years since they were in one.
And a very small number of the rest of my male friends are hopping from one relationship to another and never had any really struggle with women. Coincidentally those guys are at least above average looking and don't fall under 5'11

WingclippedBirdman · 2023-07-06T08:10:57+00:00

i cant see why men are struggling to get into relationships

For me its just demographics. Of women my age (18-30) only 9.5% of them are thin, unmarried, chidless and 5'3-6'1 in height. So the lowest of standards I could possibly imagine, be thin, dont have kids and actually be single, absolutely decimate my dating options. Of that 9.5%, I'm going to have to keep cutting. If shes got a boyfriend but isnt married shes going to cut that number down. Same with general compatibility and attraction (youre not necessarily attractive just because you passed the bare minimum standard). In the end, it's an insane struggle to just find a potential candidate, let alone actually enter a relationship with them.

Its easier for me to get laid, because if its just sex then i dont care if shes older, if shes a single mom, if shes got a bf, if shes incompatible long term... my options more than triple for casual sex but become a needle in a haystack for something serious.

Sad_Top1743 · 2023-07-06T06:12:48+00:00

They’re utterly failing to get casual sex and struggling to find a relationship that they want.

Settling into a mediocre relationship just for the sake of it is not a win.

Karmanger · 2023-07-06T19:11:09+00:00

You are a woman. You do not date women or have single male friends. Because it’s easy for you, your blind to the people who are struggling.

Because you’re not hanging out with people who aren’t popular or non charismatic. You may think you are, bit you aren’t.

You have to be charismatic to have female friends.

Lazyhermit96 · 2023-07-06T08:16:56+00:00

i can only speak for myself but im a 27 white, 6f2 virgin. the other guy around my age at work is also single.

lolthankstinder · 2023-07-06T12:57:32+00:00

I dated a very fit and attractive ballroom dancer turned computer scientist for 3-years in college. Our careers took us separate ways after college though so we ended on good terms.

Suddenly, my “value” in dating halves. As a single, cardio-fit average-height guy at 23, all the cardio-fit average-height women are somehow out of my league. Wait, what happened? I have to fight a constant uphill battle to get attractive women just to take me seriously and give me a chance while hordes of obese vultures circle around.

You don’t struggle with just getting a relationship with anyone. You struggle with getting a comparably desirable woman. Women undervalue and underestimate the shit out of you as a single average guy.

come_crawling_faster · 2023-07-06T14:34:16+00:00

The effort involved is night and day different but yes and the end of the day, average guy will eventually find someone

He has to do 100x the effort vs his hypothetical exact female counterpart

harmonica2 · 2023-07-06T06:22:40+00:00

I'm a guy and in my experience, casual sex is easier to get and much less of a struggle than finding a relationship. I thought it was because women invest more in a relationship, hence why they are pickier about that, compared to casual sex?

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-07-06T13:32:30+00:00

Struggling? Probably a little. But dating has always been a challenge. Making one of the most common ways people meet (OLD) a platform that has a profit motive to keep people on the apps instead of meeting probably isn’t doing anyone any favors.

But as it stands, it still looks like 80 percent or so are still getting laid at least once in a year, the average person has 4-7 partners in a lifetime and the vast majority of people end up in marriage/co habitation/ LTRs by the time they reach 40

Morrigan_StRoma_709X · 2023-07-06T14:02:59+00:00

Yes, very much so, every guy I consider a friend is wanting but failing at a relationship. It baffles me how some people didn’t know this?

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-07-07T15:32:04+00:00

Average guy (or aspiring to be) looking for relationships checking in. I've had one date so far this year. It came from OLD. In past years I've had a few short relationships, always with people I met at work. I probably could have got something started with someone I met at bars back when I went out frequently, but I was too clueless/unassertive at that time. When you get a little older bars become less fun, so don't go to them much anymore (plus there was that whole covid thing).

tldr; average guys can meet someone, but it's few (sometimes very few) and far between and you can't be super ultra picky about who you get to date, so the chances of you meeting someone who is highly compatible with you are relatively low.

DoinIt989 · 2023-07-06T11:57:53+00:00

Men do struggle, but it's not some Homeric epic like guys here like to whine about. Dating is hard, and oftentimes logistics make it harder

wtknight · 2023-07-06T12:21:40+00:00

The 50th percentile man is having sex. He is probably in a relationship, though. I can see the average man struggling to have casual sex, however.

Pilling_it · 2023-07-06T15:50:19+00:00

People are way less socially competent nowadays among both sexes, way more afraid and going less out. Obviously focusing on the less than 30 because to that sub life after that doesn't seem to be a thing.

I think it starts with even getting opportunities to socialise in the first place.

MyUpSeemsDown · 2023-07-07T09:58:09+00:00

Probably in both, but more likely I don't see people who are unsuccessful with getting any kind of relationship be successful with casual sex.

SnooBananas8024 · 2023-07-07T13:55:28+00:00

Struggling to even get matches, despite being 5"10, good looking, going to the gym 5x a week. I have crippling approach anxiety, and take garbage pictures. Everytime I do manage to get a date its usually with someone that i'm way out of their league and they say wow you look way better in person and usually end up flaking on me. so much flaking :(

Zabadoodude · 2023-07-06T05:55:53+00:00

Of the people I know irl, average men dont seem to be struggling much to get relationships with average women. The stats seem to support this: most men report being sexually active.

The large numbers of slightly below average, or just neurodivergent men are struggling and badly.

Wattehfok · 2023-07-06T11:14:31+00:00

Depends what you mean by struggling.

Are dating and relationships hard - yeah. But that's nothing new.

Current-day dating culture presents its own unique challenges; but they're just a different set of challenges to any era. I wouldn't say getting a satisfying relationship together is more difficult today than in any other era.

Party_Signal_3909 · 2023-07-06T09:07:27+00:00

Considering I'm 28 a virgin and never been in a single relationship I think that might be called something else 😅I ain't no incel though ima huge simp for ladies idc I was put here to make woman as happy as they can be maybe o n e day I'll find the one I can spend all my time making every new day a happier better one I do find it a little annoying and weird how some woman put up with abuse and other stuff for some one vague reason like they can fix them they love them so much they know he's a good person

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-07-06T14:48:03+00:00

I really don’t understand this notion that so many average people are struggling. Most of the people I know in real life are simply average. Almost all of them are in relationships with other average people. And when I go to the grocery store or restaurant and any type of evening venue, I’ll likewise see couple after couple after couple—nearly all of which are comprised of average or below-average people. Sure, a small percentage of those people will be very attractive, but most are just normal people.

Yes, there will always be some who struggle with dating. However, I don’t think it’s some major epidemic as PPD and other pilled forums would have you believe.

Ludens0 · 2023-07-06T15:25:31+00:00

Under 30, yes. Over 40, no.

Time is in men side.

odd_cloud · 2023-07-06T12:16:56+00:00

It depends on your definition of “struggling”. Many people here tend to think that if a guy found a girlfriend, he’s completely fine. In that sense guys do not struggle. They are able to find someone sooner or later.

I don’t like this definition of doing well. In my opinion doing well means being able to date several girls/women at the same time, choosing whom he likes more, and having casual sex with them from time to time. In other words, it’s being able to do what women generally do.

As I understand it, a “non struggling” guy can see a woman he likes, approach her and get at least some interest from her.

It’s not the case for an average guy in my experience. Generally, he waits half a year or a year to meet a woman interested in him and tries to charm her. If he started approaching every woman he likes, they would pay no attention to him. So, he has little choice and waits to be chosen. If it’s “doing well” for you, we’ll, I disagree.

DeepHouseDJ007 · 2023-07-06T13:53:21+00:00

Don’t believe the incel hype, most of us are doing just fine when it comes to dating / sex. The problem is that these subs are overrun with block pill weirdos who think that they get to speak for all men when their experience doesn’t represent what the majority of men are going through.

lostnumber08 · 2023-07-06T21:54:42+00:00

Average men, no. Low-value shrieking man-babies, yes.

frappuccinoCoin · 2023-07-06T06:28:06+00:00

Women are like recruiters and men are like job applicants.

So a man has to build up his education, experience, and connections, then advertise that on every vacancy they can find.

Women just open up the DM's and choose an adventure. If she isn't entertained, she'll go back to her waitlist in the DMs.

A man will put up with a lot of shit before giving up on a woman, because the switching cost is high.

I'm not hating, this is just how it is.

south_space5556 · 2023-07-06T06:58:32+00:00

Young guys are for sure, you can see that just from stats. For older guys it's a bit complicated cause a lot of women start settling with age, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are attracted to the average they are settling for.

On the whole I'd say yes, cause stats show women generally are attracted to above average men, so obviously average and below average men will suffer.

social_mules_alt · 2023-07-06T21:26:52+00:00

lolmastr13 · 2023-07-06T23:27:17+00:00

Young men yes.

The average man’s ease of getting into any relationship depends on if they lucked out and their interests or career align with women. OR how long it took them to realize that they don’t and start putting themselves near women.

obviousredflag · 2023-07-06T09:36:17+00:00

Men are just struggling to get as much casual sex as they would like to have. There simply isn't enough casual sex available on the market to satisfy every man. Especially since many men have an unending appetite for casual sex. It's an unchangeable problem and even with perfect social justice equal distribution of the available casual sex among all men, every man would still be unhappy to not get enough casual sex. Right now, the distribution is super unequal, which further fuels the fire. The only thing that keeps things somewhat under control is the illusion of "making it", the rags to riches dream of "improving", with the help of the red pill, to the point of belonging to the group of men who are getting casual sex. For most, this remains a fantasy.

Regarding relationships, mainly the demographic that frequents this sub is struggling. The average man, which is not represented by this sub, IS in a relationship. You just need to look at the statistics. If women have it easy to get into relationships, then men also have it easy to get into relationships. As relationships beyond a certain age tend to last years or decades, it's impossible that only a few men are supplying all the women with relationships, like it works with casual sex.

Early-Christmas-4742 · 2023-07-06T07:54:10+00:00

63% of under 30s are singke, but when you look closer, it's mainly through choice rather than because they can't. Average men can get relationships if they want to.

Unnecessary-Training · 2023-07-06T07:30:05+00:00

The statistics show that the vast majority of men are not having problems.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2023-07-06T12:56:12+00:00

I'm pretty sure it's about casual sex.

Don't get me wrong - I think it's a totally valid want - no one wants to feel left out of the fun - it's a serious self-esteem hurdle I'm sure.

But yeah, relationships are manageable for most functioning men.

Sure, might not be your dream girl - but average men tend to be able to get relationships with average girls.

Puzzleheaded_Aside_3 · 2023-07-06T13:08:55+00:00

I’m average in my eyes. I mean, I always get told i’m hottter but I don’t see myself as ABSOLUTELY HANDSOME. I sAY TONS of Average Males easily get girls. But do you want women or a girl?

I want a women, girls play play around

c0pkill3r · 2023-07-06T11:55:10+00:00

I don't know if it's common. But I know that LGBTQIA+, aromantics, asexuals, antinatalists, anti amatonormatives, anti anthropocentrics, autistic people, neurodivergent people, sluts, and lots of ideologies that branch from those various identities and ideologies, such as furries or environmentalists for example, are natural and right. If anyone comes out to me as any of those things it's cause for celebration. All which can overlap. Struggling to find love can be a precursor to these identities/ideologies.

Deep ecology is real. Humans are sensitive and intelligent enough to sense overpopulation causing the pollution that's destroying the earth/environment and causing climate change. Especially the young. This is a normal, natural, positive response to those apocalyptic extinction level threats. Rebel. Resist propaganda. It's a revolution.

Chad_Thundercock717 · 2023-07-06T14:50:54+00:00

They're struggling because average guys are fat, and everyone, guys and women think they're entitled to better than they are. The 1ncels say they'd take a 2, but their 2 is a 7 to normal people. Most people aren't hot enough to be so picky.

FirmWerewolf1216 · 2023-07-06T16:29:27+00:00

Yes and no. It’s the inversion of the ladies problem of getting a date. We definitely have a problem attracting the “top 10%” of the women in our area but if we tried to not go after solely the “top 10%” of women we could easily get a date.

Fiestygirl000 · 2023-07-06T18:32:16+00:00

I don’t think they are. The ones that complain are complaining because they are shooting above their average league. Instead of complaining they should make more money, lose weight, and level Up

notseizingtheday · 2023-07-06T12:48:19+00:00

No, they are just struggling to get the girls they want. Most men go for the top 1% of females instead of dating someone equal to them. They are too self important to date anyone who's a little overweight. They ignore perfectly good women that want to date them and then complain on the internet that all the women go for Chad's and don't give them any attention lolol it's clear to me whenever I go outside that men are hitting on women that are way out of thier league.

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Substantial_Video560 · 2023-07-06T11:34:23+00:00

So it would seem. Luckily I opted out the game ten years ago so am pretty much indifferent about relationships nowadays.

I focus all my energies on myself, work, hobbies and interests.

SmoothForest · 2023-07-06T14:04:00+00:00

Most men aren't struggling. If you go outside, most people are in relationships and the people that aren't will be in one in a couple of weeks or months. Lots of people are gonna bring up the 63% of men below 30 being single and only 30% of women below 30 being single, but bare in mind that women tend to date men who are older than them, and just because you say you're single at the time of the survey doesn't mean you were single a week ago and doesn't mean you will be single a week later. And different people have different definitions of what "single" is. A guy might say he's single whilst in FWB relationships wit a bunch of women, but one of those women might accidentally think she's in a relationship with that man and thus say she's not single. Perpetually alone and comepletely sexless people are incredibly rare.

But within that rare category of people there are more men than women for a pretty simple reason. There are four times as many autistic men than autistic women. Only 5% of autistic people get married once. And I bet the majority of that 5% are autistic women. I'm almost certain that there's a significant venn diagram overlap between ince** and autistic men. That' obviously not to say that all autistic men are ince**, but more like it increases the odds of becoming an inc**.

Antisocialite99 · 2023-07-06T14:25:36+00:00

I struggle to get relationships with girls I actually want to date.

AuraCore-main · 2023-07-06T14:30:01+00:00

I just want to share My life with one person don't clump me in with the rest of them please

biscuitcatapult · 2023-07-06T15:59:31+00:00

Casual sex is much easier than a relationship.

Why? The bar is lower for standards when it comes to sex than it is for a relationship.

Per the popular delusion calculator, less than 10 percent of women meet the standards of being fit, single, and no kids in my age range. That cuts out 90 percent of my options before I even get to their personalities to see if we are compatible.

But casual sex? No problem. I can overlook being fit, single, or having kids if it is just casual sex, so there are a lot more possibilities.

pancakesyo_ · 2023-07-06T16:03:26+00:00

Majority of the men I know are in relationships and some are married. However, there's a great feeling of anxiety of them wanting to make the relationship work because they fear they'll never find anyone, else especially if they're in a very LTR or marriage.

Most of the struggle the average man is facing is weighting out the effort and end results, pondering if the hoops are worth going through.

Generally_Confused1 · 2023-07-06T16:48:02+00:00

So in general it's harder for hetero men to strike up relationships than others and you have to do more footwork. Hop on tinder and it's a shit show and honestly worthless for most guys but it's also a rather disingenuous app.

You'll have a better shot on something like bumble or okcupid, or personally I prefer kava lounges to bars and people are easier to talk to there. We have to put in more work but it's not impossible. I mean, I'd say I'm slightly above average looking but still fairly average and don't meet certain desires of others but it's also not that important if you vibe with someone lol.

I'm not the best guy to ask though since my dating life is unorthodox at best but yeah it can be harder but there are plenty of average guys who date successfully.

Workaholiconew · 2023-07-06T18:58:13+00:00

Are average men really "struggling" to get relationships with girls?

Define struggling. You see...most men are investing more than half of all their discretionary time, energy and money into getting or maintaining a relationship... so they get relationships and casual sex every so often... but it is never with any kind of ease.

Not to speak that we already make all our decisions with sex being a major goal towards it... why we chose a major? Becaus eit eithe rhad a lot of sexual success potential directly. Or money geenration potential which can be used to obtain sex indirectly... where we live? Caused by the presence of pretty women or likelyhood women will come more for sex... etc etc...

You see relationships as special. But to us men. Relationships and casual sex are both means to achieve sexual satisfaction... one is just less likely to last as long...relationship is what a man gets when they dont think they can get enough sex through casual sex... and well... it has been harder and harder lately to get them... considering on how the price of sex just keeps increasing.

nofapbbby · 2023-07-06T20:42:18+00:00

Yes I struggle hard

AlmostKindaGreat · 2023-07-06T20:54:02+00:00

I think some is that it's harder for men in some ways and some that it's perceived that way.

There are some stats dropped here and there that more younger men are single. There's that. It's also harder for less attractive men to have casual sex. While this is not necessarily the be all end all, it is something men feel they are missing out on in life. They also lack experience with flirting, building attraction, and sex that women can usually easily get. So there is a chicken and egg problem when they are trying to get started.

The perception part is due to physiology and the nature of the mating process in most cultures.

Men have hormones that are screaming that they need sex every day, all day. Women usually only feel anything like this when their attraction is extremely aroused by someone in particular. A man not having the prospect of sex any time soon is an absolute crisis and physically unpleasant. A woman's body chemistry usually does not send her these signals, so she's content to just wait until someone interesting comes along. So if a man and woman are having the same amount of success with relationships, to the man it seems like he's struggling while the woman is just living her life.

The other perception part is the conventions of men having to do most of the initiating of relationships in most cultures. The man is out there getting rejected time and again and the woman is turning down unacceptable options and is content to wait for someone appealing. Who do you think will feel like they are struggling?

Preact5 · 2023-07-07T15:12:38+00:00

I am one of these guys who is struggling.

I turn down girls because they're either just trying to fuck and it grosses me out, or they're way bigger than I am (I'm not talking girls who are just not skinny, truly fat women). This puts me in a really tough spot cuz all I want to do is just love the same woman forever, but I can't necessarily complain because I turned down the options I have...

It's not that I'm opposed to the idea of a one night stand, but it definitely grosses me out. Sex is so much better when you love the person you're doing it with. Anyways, I don't see why people can do that with a stranger.

The elephant in the room is my self-hatred. It holds me back from being the person that I want to be. That is a motherfucker though because I only feel that way because no one wants to be with me. Self fulfilling issue there. It would do a lot for my image of myself and what I can provide for someone if I let myself get into a relationship with someone. At least then I can point to that and say hey, I was good enough for at least one person, that means there must be someone else out there I'm good enough for.

Right now it's just like.... For the people I'm interested in, I'm just not good enough.

Tall-Environment9580 · 2023-07-10T14:42:38+00:00

They “struggle” in terms of opportunity to naturally meet women because dating apps are ass and they don’t do cold approach or any other method to get dates

Updawg145 · 2023-07-19T02:58:19+00:00

I'd say the struggle to get in relationships increases with status. Average men are probably doing okay, it's above average men that are getting demolished. Why? Because the better a man becomes, the more he realizes there are close to zero women actually worth his time.

Loser men get girls all the time because they have no shame and no standards and will date a 900 pound landwhale with 20 kids. But if you simply increase your standards to just not overweight and no kids, you instantly reduce your options to like 3% of the US population. The choices are absolutely grim if you have even the hint of a standard as a man.

Sex Frequency	% of Men (18-29)
Not at all	11.5%
Once or twice	13.4%
Once a month	20.4%
2-3 times a month	8.9%
Once a week	14.6%
2-3 times a week	17.8%
More than 3 times a week	13.4%

Title	Are average men really "struggling" to get relationships with girls?
Author	Glowupgirl111
Upvotes	32
Comments	339
Date	July 6, 2023 5:45 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14rzft3/are_average_men_really_struggling_to_get/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-average-men-really-struggling-to-get.1224547 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224547

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