Men showing emotion

recyclablebanthas · 2022-04-13T23:39:00+00:00

1

This kind of public polling falls outside the scope of this subreddit

The line in the sand here is explained in the Pinned Post on the Updated Rules.

"Does answering this poll help someone get laid or land a relationship"

No, it does not.

2

However, the thread will not be locked as of now because there are some discussions happening here that it seems some people need to be having.

Just keep it clean, everyone.

GripIsEverything · 2022-04-13T15:37:51+00:00

I showed my weaknesses to certain women and they used them against me at my worst to embarass me, or at times when they were losing an argument.

Live-Ad-6309 · 2022-04-13T15:53:41+00:00

Pretty much every guy who's ever dated will tell you what happens when you're vulnerable with a women. Most of them like the fantasy of it. But don't like the reality. They want men who are vulnerable. But only when they show the emotions the woman wants to see when she wants to see them. Every other time they're a massive turn off.

moonfanatic95 · 2022-04-13T15:53:32+00:00

Don't know about this, every time I open up with a potential interest, they stop being interested. It's probably hot when you are already in a relationship, but very few women actually want the guy to talk about his struggles or emotions while meeting them, in my experience. I've stopped opening up all together honestly

dgira574 · 2022-04-13T15:52:51+00:00

I’ve had women tell me they appreciate that. then when I show vulnerability to these same women they’re visibly turned off and don’t respect me after that. I’ve been told by them that the woman should be the emotional one and that men need to be able to handle their own feelings themselves. This has happened with women I’ve dated and women who I’ve been friends with, long term and short term. The common thread is that they say they like that, but when I do it it’s apparent that they lose respect. It’s made me be very careful how much I share of myself and with whom.

rviibae · 2022-04-13T14:53:10+00:00

I’m probs wrong but showing emotions all the time may come off as needy and desperate, at least in my experiences. Being emotional and vulnerable sometimes is great though and shows you really value the person you show them to

joebeau99 · 2022-04-13T15:11:58+00:00

I think the problem for men is showing emotion too early in the relationship/friendship. The only time I’ve felt comfortable enough to show emotion was with my childhood best friend, I know she wouldn’t just leave me high and dry.

Every other time that I’ve shown emotion with someone I thought I could trust (specifically women) it would end up working against me. Its like they start perceiving me as weak and lose all forms of respect for me. Some girls would legit start calling me a creep and try to ruin my close friendships afterwards, its like the form a huge ball of hate for me. It’s happened too many times for me that now its so much easier stuffing everything down and not opening up to women about it.

Thank god I have good male friends and close family that I can talk to but I can see this taking a huge toll on some mens mental health.

halfanimalman · 2022-04-13T17:09:06+00:00

I have always found it hot when guys show emotion

This is the exact thing that gets us in trouble when we believe it. When we show emotion or experience sadness or weakness there is a biological function in women that makes them see us as unattractive. My partner is beautiful and has a wonderful personality but even then the 4 years we have been together I’ve maybe cried twice. One time has been used against me and the other is still awkward, maybe twice I’ve told her I was struggling with something mentally, she tried to help but in essence really couldn’t and sort of just tried to offload it for another time.

This is probably the best result I’ve gotten with the 20+ women I’ve interacted with. They have zero attraction for weakness and aren’t interested in looking after a man child. I don’t blame them either, as a man my role is to be strong and that’s what I strive to do. I have awesome friends (male) who aren’t sexually attracted to me that I can show my emotions to, and they will not judge me.

When females say it’s hot to see men with emotion, they’re not picturing a guy who lost his job, self worth and is suicidal needing a pick me up. They’re imagining a very otherwise stoic, attractive and strong man doing some Jason Momoa manly teared cry after losing their German shepherd or their daughter dying in a CIA tank explosion, then putting on a vest and killing all the bad guys.

Real emotion is sometimes uncomfortable, it’s awkward and it’s often unattractive especially if you’re a female who already has enough emotion to deal with throughout the day. Again this isn’t a stab at anybody, I am happy with this dynamic but I just wanted to emphasise the spectrum of what’s accepted.

RodneyMcIroncock · 2022-04-13T15:38:40+00:00

I've had some great moments sharing feelings with significant others. It's rarely in the moment that she pulls away. Rather, it's later that these moments add up to a breakup, or worse, are weaponized in an argument. Never again.

WhiteningMcClean · 2022-04-13T15:34:51+00:00

I'm a dude who's never been afraid to show emotion.

I avoid it when I can around women. Both serious girlfriends I've had have handled it very well (there's a reason I dated them,) but aside from them the experience has been largely negative.

Also before you assume I'm overemotional or just don't know how to control them, that couldn't be farther from the truth. I stay very relaxed and objective when I'm opening up to someone.

2022-04-13T15:39:35+00:00

Really depends.

Sometimes people become attracted to who they think someone is in their heads, so if a woman is looking for security or reassurance through her partner and he surprises her by doing something that she would do, like be insecure or show some kind of uncertainty, his true self doesn't match who she pictured him as, and she will lose attraction.

Its only when people are attracted to who a person really is that they're able to see different sides of them and still accept them as they are.

mugatucrazypills · 2022-04-13T17:10:07+00:00

"... and out here ... If you need a friend, get a dog."

Women make a fetish of men revealing "vulnerability". They ask for it, they plead for it. The truth is when they get much of it in any genuine sense their behavior, manner and mood quickly turn to disgust/disqualification.

They won't even remember their coldness because it isn't part of their self and public image as the gentle sex.

Women make a fetish of men revealing "vulnerability". They ask for it, they plead for it. The truth is when they get much of it in any genuine sense their behavior, manner, and mood quickly turn to disgust/disqualification.

The vulnerability they genuinely seek is a very fake and superficial one. As in "I'm just afraid to connect with someone as beautiful as you" or some such conceit. You'll ironically get more emotional support from other men as men don't commonly emotionally defecate for no reason, so a man who comes with a genuine problem is generally viewed from a helpful, supportive, and problem-solving perspective (so long as you aren't whiny).

BrokenSage20 · 2022-04-13T16:32:52+00:00

Women are socialized less towards physical violence and more towards social violence as a pecking order strategy, especially during adolescence but it continues well into adulthood. ( see mothers groups )

Social behavior among men is a stark contrast. And trusting women with that vulnerability might be attractive to some simply because of the novelty perhaps. But it's a huge liability and often is turned against men.

Particularly with the stereotypes around men and women's emotional behavior, abuse, childcare.

No one likes to be hurt and women can often be vicious and cruel. There are plenty of ignorant people and also those who are frankly stupid and that isn't sex or gender limited. Throw all the rest of this on top?

You evaluate the risk-reward.

What's being asked is why men might be hesitant to show vulnerability. And this is certainly not universal but it's a common experience and fear.

Chewbaccafruit · 2022-04-13T16:42:50+00:00

In my experience, there's three possibilities:

A lot of women want to 'fix' a guy, so now they are attracted to something they can fix. Can cause problems when you learn to live with it, and she no longer has her project.

Daring to show that you're a human with flaws initiates the whole 'I don't need to settle, I know what I'm worth' mindset (translation: selfish) and they run.

Or you occasionally get that one person who accepts you and your flaws. You do everything you goddamn can to hold onto this one.

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-04-13T15:00:38+00:00

As with everything in life, there needs to be a balance. Too much emotion: unattractive. None at all: weird.

NichRigga- · 2022-04-13T16:28:41+00:00

Lmaoo fkn bs. Showing weakness to women drys their pussy up fast. Another reason why not to take advice from a girl

betterme2610 · 2022-04-13T17:33:40+00:00

I’m an emotional guy about certain things. I did have a ex drunkenly tease and berate me over my complicated relationship with my father that I chose to dive into and share with her. It’s further pushed me to be even more carful with being “open”

Available-Concert732 · 2022-04-13T15:56:50+00:00

Completely true. I’ve been left twice by two different girls when starting showing my soft core and my issues. Girls want a successful strong men (at least someone who acts like he is, even if he’s a loser douchebag) that gives protection to their fragile egos. They cannot accept display of weakness (= truth) from their man. All of us have weak spots, the majority of women don’t want them to be shown.

Hunterhunt14 · 2022-04-13T16:07:30+00:00

I’ve seen so many women including many of my own female friends use that vulnerability against the Man the moment they get upset. I cannot say I know a single woman that has not done this. Women may not get turned off by it but they certainly use it as ammo for the gun to shoot the moment they get mad

Zenis · 2022-04-13T15:18:20+00:00

There can strength in vulnerability, and weakness in vulnerability. Depends on who you are.

If you can frame yourself as a “even if I expose a weakness, I am not afraid of being truly hurt” that is strength and women tend to find it hot.

Otherwise, you’re just weak, and maybe even using that weakness to manipulate someone into feeling sorry for you.

It’s the difference between admitting you lost vs being a loser, if that makes sense.

koolex · 2022-04-13T16:30:16+00:00

I think it depends on context, like if a man's mother died then it would be weird to not show emotion. But if a man is sobbing and having a small breakdown because he had a rough day and he does that once a month a lot of women would see that as weakness and lose some respect for him. Most women don't want another child to take care of, they want a man who can take care of them. I think if a man already comes off as very masculine then being vulnerable sometimes won't affect his masculinity but if he is barely perceived as masculine then it could make him look weak.

I think when women say they want a man to be vulnerable, they have an image in their mind of a guy who is very masculine in many ways and shows a little bit of vulnerability to them sometimes and I think most people agree that's fine. The problem is that men misunderstand this advice and start vomiting their emotions and women instantly question their masculinity. Men should try to be as masculine as they can and save their vulnerability for the right moments with romantic partners, and instead should utilize therapists, friends, and family for support the rest of the time.

rukhsultana · 2022-04-13T16:38:30+00:00

The fact that people even say that they get turned off or on by someone’s vulnerability is just so weird to me. No one wants to feel like their emotions are a turn off or a turn on. Why would men want their feelings to be fetishized as opposed to demonized? Just treat them like they’re human, just like you.

superphotonerd · 2022-04-13T17:12:50+00:00

showing vulnerability is fine, as long as you retain a masculine frame. This could be anything, from sharing a more serious moment in your life, to the reason why you care about certain things morally. It can do alot to draw someone into you more. But being emotional is different, such as displaying a lack of emotional maturity / stability

Zealousideal6669 · 2022-04-13T15:47:17+00:00

You have to separate 2 things. Dating and being in a relationship. Ofc we are all humans and we all have fears, worries, good days and bad days, we mess up things and we have feelings in a good and in bad ways. So it's not a bad or good thing. it's just a thing that you have to accept. Dating is different bc you have a shorter time to present yourself so you have to be the best version of yourself at least that time till you get into a relationship. Dating might takes days or weeks but a relationship might last in mouth or years. In a relationship, it's not necessary you basically have to be vulnerable sometimes. Why? Women are simply attracted to guys who can express themselves, their thoughts and emotions too so ideally you express your good emotions like gratitude joy, happiness whatever but you don't get control over negatives like anger, fear, jealousy okay its EQ its another topic but you have emotions like everyone else, the things is how you handle them. Another maybe most important thing not for girls but you have to bc of your own mental health. If you don't handle your emotions in some way and you just hold them back bc men don't have emotions you're already fucked. Whatever random trigger you might have and those emotions are just exploding so never ever do that.

coachmelloweyes · 2022-04-13T16:26:45+00:00

It’s very simple… Show Vulnerability- but with a solution and never Weakness.

Eg I’m bogged down from work but I’m gonna get it sorted

I’m upset about how my boss spoke to me, but I’m gonna straighten it out with him tomorrow.

I’m broke, but I’m working tirelessly to get a job.

theosamabahama · 2022-04-13T20:18:26+00:00

As a man, I avoid showing any insecurity in front of a girl I'm interested at the beginning. Because confidence is the most attractive trait in a man. But if I get into a relationship, I can feel more comfortable with opening up to my partner. In fact women expect and even romanticize about having a man opening up to her (it's their version of "conquering" the opposite sex).

But even then, I'm afraid of opening up so much that my partner stops seeing me as the confident man she fell for. This happened in my last relationship and I've read stories on reddit about men who opened up to their wives and girlfriends and they lost complete respect for them.

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-04-13T15:56:06+00:00

You find it hot when you already like like the guy a lot, but if you dont like the guy his vulnerability is off putting.

If you like the guy so much that sometimes you might even feel he is out of your league, his vulnerability comes across as hot because it makes you feel like he needs you, which means that he is in your reach.

That’s when vulnerability is attractive.

But if you are not sure about whether you are into the guy, if you feel he just isn’t attractive, then when he shows his vulnerable side, that won’t help at all to make him attractive.

rkr87 · 2022-04-13T16:34:16+00:00

Showed vulnerability with a long term partner when I was suffering with depression a few years ago after months of pretending everything was ok. She left me as she "no longer loved me" a few weeks later, bad times, would not recommend.

livehardSP1969 · 2022-04-13T16:50:04+00:00

Weather your aware of it or not you lose respect for a man who is too emotional! Then you will use it against them later as an excuse to "Find a real man!" Seen it too many times!

Nullroute127 · 2022-04-13T17:03:42+00:00

This is something of solid advice, but it misses context when it's parroted.

Bad vulnerability - Guy complains about his job/hates his boss, comes off as too clingy, etc. Basically vulnerability that demonstrates a lack of confidence, inability to handle life/circumstances, and/or lack of emotional stability.

Good vulnerability - Things that portray honesty/integrity/that there are things a guy cares about. An admission that a guy cried when his mom died, an ability to say that he doesn't like that 'thing' you do, a guy that says that he's 'shy' but he's clearly approaching you anyway.

Here's an example of 'Good Vulnerability' with an in depth analysis. It's Charlie Hunnam telling the story of a time he saved a cat. He's willing to admit to being broke, crying over a cat he just met suffering, but also willing to do something about it. He's expression vulnerability but in a very masculine, problem solving way. However, if he simply stopped at crying over the cat and being broke, but then doing nothing... that would flip the impact entirely because while he's emotionally moved he's demonstrating a lack of ability to keep it together.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOaaCjJlbAo

Recktion · 2022-04-13T17:37:45+00:00

I've heard several women say they wanted their boyfriend to open up to more emotions with them. And then later say they have lost attraction to their boyfriend once he did it, they feel bad they did, but nevertheless the attraction is gone.

You might be different, but it's really bad advice to cater to the 1% of women, much more effective to behave in a way that attracts 99% of women.

caesarfecit · 2022-04-13T15:54:32+00:00

The issue is different women have different reactions to men showing emotion. And most men either have no idea what to expect with a given woman, or lead with their chin and suffer.

Some will be turned on and drawn in by vulnerability/emotional expression, others will think it weak, and others will think it makes the guy an easy mark and start putting him in the friend zone.

The other variable is what kind of emotion.

Sadness or despair? Ladyboner-killer. Hello darkness my old friend.

Anger? Depends on the reason, the girl, and the amount expressed/the manner. Road rage? Not a good look. Standing up to a bully? Better.

Lust/thirst? So long as she's equally or more thirsty, you're okay. Otherwise very very bad.

Fear? Another ladyboner-killer. Express this emotion if you want a woman to instantly lose attraction and respect and likely ghost.

Genuine appreciation and admiration? Ha, gayyyy!

Love or expressing romantic attraction? Ewww creeper.

Joy or extreme happiness? Perhaps the safest, the only way that goes bad is if it's incongruent and she starts thinking you're on something.

Half the time, it's easy for a guy to think women's expectations are that a guy play a statue until they express the emotions she wants, on her timeline, while observing all the unwritten rules.

pebblefromwell · 2022-04-13T16:57:49+00:00

This is very simple, Don't

mdean210 · 2022-04-13T17:28:06+00:00

Depends on the women you surround yourself with some women take advantage of men who want to be transparent and vent what problems they're having so in some cases it's easier to just keep your feelings about what's going on to yourself

cyrusol · 2022-04-13T17:37:16+00:00

It's a huge lie.

Women typically say that they want to see men vulnerable but when it actually happens all they have really left for the man is pity... and disgust. Or contempt. Sometimes to the extent that it makes you think most women are just notorious psychopaths, completely incapable of empathy.

The only exceptions are when a very close relative or a pet die.

player89283517 · 2022-04-13T17:40:58+00:00

Yes, I’ve been vulnerable to a girl and she thought I was problematic and didn’t want to date me :/

Danebensein · 2022-04-13T17:46:05+00:00

Here's what I think is happening (in general): a woman finds it hot when a guy is able to act vulnerable and open up while still appearing manly, grounded, well-adapted, gifted (take your pick). Much like a bank benefits from a stress test that ends up proving its financial solidity. But guys whose emotional candour changes your perception of them instead of confirming it because it's a mess inside their head, it's too much to take in, whatever... well, those are more likely to appear "pathetic", "weak", "toxic". So, if I'm right, what's attractive isn't the vulnerability per se but the usually accidental show of transparency.

Edit: clarity

krispykreme01 · 2022-04-13T17:56:43+00:00

Women always use it against me when I showed weakness.

There are some women like yourself that won’t but I can’t take this chance I’ll just complain to my homies lol.

adityasood99 · 2022-04-13T17:59:12+00:00

I think the basic idea of females getting turned off from mens' emotions is that men are expected to be play the traditional protector role, men are supposed to be strong. I know it might sound old school but many people still believe it.

Coming to my own experience, I have always tried to open up about my emotions with my ex partners and 80% of the times they lose interest. I am not specifically just talking about western women, but Indians and arabs as well. I have seen their interest level go down from being really excited to meet me to just cancelling up the plans and in some extreme case even ghosting me.

Now before you assume that i am some sort of cry baby or someone overflowing with emotions, i am far from that. But still females just lose interest even after i open up a bit about my emotions.

I am much better off discussing my issues with my guy friends since they have a better perspective on the issue.

Prestigious-Fly9155 · 2022-04-13T19:25:53+00:00

All of my relationships have fallen apart after I showed my vulnerabilities. Just my personal experience.

Devario · 2022-04-13T16:05:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

incognito3107 · 2022-04-13T15:53:17+00:00

I think that women usually get turned on when men are expressing their deep emotions. However, they pity men who are consumed by their low emotions like hatred/politeness/sensitivity/fear/grief etc.

Iam_nanette_manoir · 2022-04-13T16:24:50+00:00

People show emotions regardless of if they want it or not. What happens though is that when people are not emotionally literate or communicative, their emotions come out in weird ways. You'd have people feeling one way but it shows as getting angry, being controlling, hurting others, being agitated, etc.

For me it's not that I'm looking for someone who cries easily....but more someone who knows what to do with themselves and with the world around them when they are feeling big emotions.

josebarn · 2022-04-13T21:26:47+00:00

Opened up to a girl I really liked about my upbringing (it was pretty rough). It seemed like she lost all interest afterwards.

Murfdigidy · 2022-04-13T15:22:51+00:00

Depends on the stage of the relationship, in the first 3 months hell no, that's weak and needy and a huge turn off for women. later on when you two get to know eachother more, sure go ahead and ball your eyes out

FakeSafeWord · 2022-04-13T17:04:58+00:00

Oh no, I'm totally allowed to show anger. Just anger. Any other emotional response comes off at weakness.

Anger is the real weaker emotion and being able to show sadness is strength but society doesn't see it that way and I have been dumped for it.

When I showed anger, or intimidation women responded positively or neutrally. Rralinebwr negatively.

Counter_Proposition · 2022-04-13T17:59:53+00:00

I have always found it hot when guys are vulnerable with me

Ehh, define "vulnerable." It's a man opening up on his hopes and dreams, then sure. But if it's a man showing weakness and/or crying about his problems then I guarantee you that most women don't find it "hot." Also see: "I'm not your therapist."

Euphoric-Can-3223 · 2022-04-13T18:36:49+00:00

Yes, it’s very true. They act like they like it in the moment, but then when you think you can rely on them when you’re down, they don’t want to hear it. Furthermore, I’ve never met a woman that didn’t use it against me like a weapon. As a man, I now know my problems are for me and my friends to solve. The woman in my life most likely could care less.

nalik95 · 2022-04-13T20:22:57+00:00

It's in the nature of men to generally show less emotion. And the opposite is true for women.

Emotion won't solve problems. It won't provide for you. It won't protect you.

An emotional man will never do well with conflict. Women generally look for a man who can do that, deal with conflict. If a man can handle his business and control his emotions while dealing with other's problems, he becomes more valued.

Mongoloian · 2022-04-13T21:09:29+00:00

Women SAY they want emotional vulnerability, but in reality- you can almost see their panties dry up when opening up, every time has led to them breaking up. Will never say "I love you" first again, will never open up even if a woman says its ok to be vulnerable with her because you end up getting backstabbed by them.

harvey_croat · 2022-04-13T21:31:10+00:00

Empathetic woman will listen and understand you. Those who wont are not right fit

strikerx07 · 2022-04-13T23:01:14+00:00

Women don't really care about how men feel. They only find it cute in very rare occasions if it's a male that they are attracted to and that has proven capable of handling whatever it is he's distressed about.

mmmfritz · 2022-04-13T17:23:33+00:00

No it is not true

Elbynerual · 2022-04-13T15:11:00+00:00

As with pretty much all the other advice in this subreddit, you can't apply anything to all women. Or even most women. All women are different. I've personally known women who literally told me they find guys crying or generally expressing emotions a huge turnoff. 2 women here are saying the opposite. I rest my case.

xzpw · 2022-04-13T21:44:14+00:00

There’s a misunderstanding going on here and that’s all it is.

What women say: “I want to see men be vulnerable with me.”

What men think women mean: “I am okay with seeing you cry, go through depression, grieve, have a hard time, and be generally upset or unpleasant. I can handle that. You can tell me your problems and I will work with you through them.” <- this is what it would mean in any other context btw.

What women actually mean: “I want to hear them talk about how much they love eating me out because they don’t do that.”

I’m not exaggerating. This is backed up by a lot of women and men I’ve talked to. Women want to hear you be “vulnerable” about how much you love every aspect of them. Women are not interested in what they would consider being vulnerable to other women and what men would consider being vulnerable to other men/women.

It’s a weird gender dynamic where people need to stop using euphemisms or now meaningless words and say specifically what they mean with concrete details and examples.

Obviously - there’s some generalizing but the point is there.

lauraromancr · 2022-04-13T15:08:29+00:00

Im a female and when a guy opens up to me is really a turn on. I really do appreciate it. Cause the saying that guys don’t open up to just anybody. I believe we should leave this idea behind of the guys not showing emotion or too much, they are not robots, there is no perfect accurate amount of emotion. What if one day he cries all day and other nothing.

Shadow__Account · 2022-04-13T16:32:01+00:00

I don’t understand what people don’t get. Showing emotions is a positive, whining like a little bitch and complaining is not. There is a difference in saying fuck I’m nervous as fuck for event x, but I’m going to kill it. And saying I don’t want to go why me blabla. It’s strong if you dare to be vulnerable and be honest about your fears and despite your fears still do the things you are scared of. That shit is attractive and admirable and not to be confused with guys letting go and being weak bitches. Lots of you seem to get shit twisted with that “I showed emotions and it didn’t end well”

Bobby1510 · 2022-04-13T17:13:22+00:00

So i was reading the comments a bit and am actually surprised how harsh other men get treated for showing emotions and their weak side. It did happen to me with one ex gf who used a lot of what i told her against me, but in hindsight she was hands down the most toxic person ive ever dated. I do not tend to hold back my emotions for too long or try to cover them up (however im not an overly emotional person overall), but rather find it easy to trust people and talk about certain personal issues early on, just because i like to be honest about the package deal i am. That said, most girls ive dated expressed their gratitude for me being that honest about my weaknesses because they felt like it differs me from other men they got to know, i feel like they tended to value me more for showing feelings and vulnerability. I have also several good female friends who i talked about this and they all told me that i makes me seem genuine and less like im playing a role for dating, so they would also prefer that.

So i believe other men who express the difficulties with sharing their emotions and weaknesses, however can not really share the experience. On the contrary, i used to hide my weaknesses very carefully and started only recently (like last 2y) to be more open about them and i have never in my life been as successful in meeting women as i am now (M28).

avirup_sen · 2022-04-13T15:48:16+00:00

Internet is forcing people to wear mask. Just to fit in the community people are discarding their true self and becoming what looks appropriate to others. You like vulnerable men but the internet is suggesting something else is right. Reason why we easily find partners but not the one who is compatible with us. Just be what you are. Right people will come and life will become less complicated.

Psynaut · 2022-04-13T17:46:27+00:00

Woman like vulnerability, but hate weakness.

Women like it when a man cries over a injured kitten or the birth of a child, but will despise him if he cries over the loss of a business, job, finances, or anything that involves being a strong protector, and especially any thing she does to test his strength.

d0ornokey · 2022-04-13T16:32:31+00:00

Agree calling it hot definietely feels fetishizing

jdgrazia · 2022-04-13T15:46:19+00:00

is it a turn on long term or short term? is it a turn on because now you've seen his weakness? I think the answer is, it's a turn on in the short term because now you're in control, but long term it creates a poor relationship dynamic.

Odd_Seaworthiness_75 · 2022-04-13T15:55:06+00:00

Depends on the girl some didn’t care some did didn’t think it was too big of an issue and I’m a quite emotional person

Renshato · 2022-04-13T16:02:36+00:00

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apex_pretador · 2022-04-13T16:13:41+00:00

There's a difference between a man who is mostly emotionally indifferent but shows you a "softer side" vs a man who is actually emotionally vulnerable and would like a support in his circle.

Vigeto619 · 2022-04-13T16:14:02+00:00

Can you give an example? Like a specific emotion?

OWSucks · 2022-04-13T16:51:21+00:00

That's weird. One of the first books recommended here is Models by Mark Mason, and the first chapter is all about how a man should be vulnerable around a woman, because it shows he's strong enough in himself and in his self-confidence that nothing anyone's going to say to him is going to make him needy and seek approval.

nfornear · 2022-04-13T17:06:47+00:00

You shouldnt tell all your dramas and insecurities on a firdt date, but it is good to show vulnerability.

I am surprised Models is not thing mentioned as the top comment, because that goes into it in so much and good details.

MO_drps_knwldg · 2022-04-13T17:09:16+00:00

There’s a world of difference between crying because of family tragedy or deep personal struggle as opposed to something like not getting enough Instagram followers or passed over for a promotion

A woman in her feminine energy understands the difference

DoubleSly · 2022-04-13T17:10:21+00:00

Be vulnerable when you’re deeper in a relationship, but never cry in front of anyone except for the death or tragedy of a loved one.

Devario · 2022-04-13T17:28:28+00:00

Vulnerability isn’t easy because experiencing negative emotions is a fundamental part of being vulnerable. Pain, heartbreak, disappointment, and discomfort are all a part of being vulnerable. Mastering these emotions is necessary to live a life of fulfillment and satisfaction. Meaning: understanding that they are integral to being human, that they are difficult, that this takes time, and learning how cope with them in a healthy and constructive manner so that you grow and mature.

Vulnerability is the hot new therapy topic (Brene Brown). Some men are taking advantage of it by feigning vulnerability to manipulate women. (Perhaps women do this too). Most men have issues with vulnerability due to toxic masculinity ingrained into all cultures. Men are commonly taught to avoid them to mitigate shame, maintain an “alpha” presence, etc.

However, vulnerability is the secret sauce to strong relationships.

Demonstrating vulnerability with your partner is a balancing act that takes time. This time is the crystallization of your relationship, because, in essence, you’re learning healthy communication between the two of you.

Not every relationship works. That’s okay. For some reason people assume that just because a relationship starts out great, it means it should last forever, and that’s not true.

Many of the comments in here demonstrate how deeply toxic masculinity is built into our culture.

Kobe_curry24 · 2022-04-13T18:08:05+00:00

The best women welcome vulnerability with their man you should welcome it this is how you have a deeper connection with someone .. men not being able to show emotion with women is the problem for a lot of guys and relationships I’m generally of course a guy can’t be a cry baby but it should be displayed and women should welcome it with open arms

Muramasaika · 2022-04-13T18:09:58+00:00

Being vulnerable is a thing, being weak is another

creamyturtle · 2022-04-13T18:13:31+00:00

this one is right up there with women saying they prefer "nice guys"

Ribbet537 · 2022-04-13T18:16:39+00:00

It all depends on time and place. For example look at Pete Davidson, he certainly shows a vulnerable side and yet gets girls who theoretically should be out of his league so it can work. However it is easy to fuck up showing your vulnerable side, coming off as needy or insecure or etc, so it is often best to simply not. That being said if you've been dating a person for a bit then showing vulnerability becomes easier and can absolutely increase the bond.

Also, your title says showing emotion but your description is about vulnerability, these are two very different things. You can show emotion without being vulnerable and, less intuitively, you can be vulnerable without showing emotion.

Bobandjim12602 · 2022-04-13T18:25:25+00:00

It depends on what "showing emotion" means.

If a woman gets upset and leaves because you're crying at a funeral, she's a bitch.

If she gets upset and leaves because you LIVE and make decisions exclusively on your emotions, then she has a more understandable reason to leave.

If a woman gets upset at you for having emotions, then she is, by and large, not worth having in your life outside of sex and potential career connections.

MeanCry5785 · 2022-04-13T18:34:26+00:00

Woman say they want men that want to show emotion, but I've made into the bad person for showing it. I've told her I need to go but she insits on following and bugging me. I warn her to go and leave bc I need time otherwise I'll lash out. Then she'll play the victim bc she was trying to help but wasn't listen to me. Only show your incontrol of your emotions. In my experience Women don't understand.i can talk about my emotions but I don't show them unless they will not give me space or the women try to bully me to emotionally open up. If you think you like it when me open up. I don't any guy has really opened up. I'd guess he just told you what you wanted to hear. In my experience woman say they want it but yall don't.

Stujitsu2 · 2022-04-13T18:41:25+00:00

I think I can sum it up as this. You can show emotions that are happy, affectionate, even anger! But you cannot show insecurity. Women abhor it. That's why its a common theme here never to discuss your problems with women. Women don't care about your problems. They only care about solutions. Talk to them about it after you've solved it, never before.

The book of pook says to treat women like girls and you will never go wrong. You would not vent your insecurities to a child or look for their advice. You would instead be playful and endearing and try to be happy and fun! You would nurture them when they are hurt or upset, and stern when warranted.

When it comes to insecurity, if you feel it conceal it!

BitchLetEmKnow · 2022-04-13T18:55:26+00:00

I will admit, I am one who did this when i was younger but have learned better with age. It's still in the back of my head of something i see as a turn off given the context.

When i was 14 i had a bf at the time who was older than me and to make a long story short, buncha shit happened of his own doing and I broke up with him. When i was breaking up with him he was crying and asking me "why" and it actually made me mad. in my mind i thought "jees im just breaking up with you do you REALLY have to cry in front of me?" Like i wanted him to give me the tough front and cry about it later. Obviously with hindsight and age i know anyone with emotions would cry in a break up situation.

Now, i try to welcome and encourage my guy friends to be vulnerable with me cause i know a lot of them have some pent up emotions they literally cannot find the ways to communicate how they feel its so engrained end them to push it down and keep it to themselves.

With all that being said, if i dont know you and you try to tell me a sob story or you're crying hysterically approaching me im probably....gonna refer you to one of your friends and hope you go away.

bpatt6722 · 2022-04-13T19:03:17+00:00

I've heard this several times myself, and I agree with you. Having someone show the capacity of emotions is attractive, and sad they feel they can't

JosephND · 2022-04-13T19:06:33+00:00

I have always found it hot when guys are vulnerable with me

Well, those guys are either idiots or they didn’t think seriously of you. The moment anger starts heating up and she starts going after the heavy weaponry, shit gets used against you like a knife being twisted in a wound.

Males aren’t allowed to be vulnerable around others, not really. It’s only the modern soyboy looking to land a vapid 24yo “latte artist” that might play into the “I’ve never opened up to anyone else” nonsense

DiabloBratz · 2022-04-13T19:08:13+00:00

Yup only time I showed my weaknesses and insecurities to a woman she used it against me when we argued and she saw me differently in her eyes, never again.

ternaryoperators · 2022-04-13T19:10:46+00:00

Were you attracted to them before they showed their emotion?

Chicagoj1563 · 2022-04-13T19:11:19+00:00

First thing, isn't it interesting how girls can make a really simple post and have 136 responses within a few hours lol.

As for vulnerable, most of the sources I learned game from would say to be vulnerable. I haven't read the comments, but I'm going to guess the book models came up due to it being a book about vulnerability and its popularity here. But, in general being vulnerable can be good. But, like anything its about calibration. It can become sign of weakness if framed the wrong way. It needs to come from a place of confidence where you aren't afraid of being vulnerable or what the consequences of that may be.

Maleficent_Height_96 · 2022-04-13T19:11:57+00:00

Her: Be vulnerable

Him: Opens up and acts vulnerable

Her: pussy dried up to a pulp ok like not that vulnerable I meant more like listening to me being vulnerable

Him: 😔

throwMeAwayTa · 2022-04-13T19:25:04+00:00

I think the vulnerability needs to be very well calibrated to the situation - ie an 'advanced skill' when it's come to discussing yourself.

When it's talking about your feelings about the other person, the issue is more that for many that vulnerability consistently results in pain.

Carrabs · 2022-04-13T19:37:13+00:00

Fuck the haters. I’ve been open and vulnerable in front of women. Not like casual flings, more like serious relationships.

It’s probably one of the best things you can do imo. I’ve never gone for the type of girl to use it against me or anything, and in fact all it did was allow them to open up in the same way and strengthen our bond.

thetrainingarc · 2022-04-13T19:55:46+00:00

you can be vulnerable, like showing your doubts/fears/anxieties. But it has to come from a place of quiet strength if that makes sense, you can’t just be a mess crying and sobbing, then she’ll smell weakness on you and get turned off right away. And whatever you do, don’t share your insecurities with her, all it will do is just make her aware of them. (from my personal experience)

notLOL · 2022-04-13T20:08:57+00:00

when guys are vulnerable with me

survivorship bias. It's hot when someone you are hot for does it and you like them anyways because their value is so high. So ask yourself if you associated the vulnerability to someone really hot. Or if you find vulnerability increases their hotness.

If someone you only kind of like does it and you don't find it increases their hotness, it's just that the hot ones that are vulnerable did not put you off since they are above reproach.

When you repeat it you might have the cause and effect backwards. It's a typical logical association error. You just have to be honest with yourself. We can't do that for you. You don't have to answer the "right answer"

Basic logic test

eckzotic · 2022-04-13T20:12:38+00:00

I believe you should show emotion and vulnerability to women , not necessarily every woman, but the one you choose to spend the rest of your life with. Women are different, some see you acting that way and get turned off. I've had it happen , because of that alongside other things I dropped her. Why would I want to be with someone who can't accept me at my worst? Obviously I'm not talking being vulnerable and insecure everyday , but we men are people too and we're not perfect. I believe men should find a significant other who is nurturing and helps build them up when they are down. This whole "don't appear weak in front of women" thing is such bs. I mean it might be true, some women might be turned off, but putting on this façade 24/7 that all is well and that you never show vulnerability in itself is weak in my opinion. You're literally hiding your emotions from a woman in fear of losing her or appearing weak. Who gives a fuck, if she responds negatively then you know she's not the one, kick her to the curb and find yourself someone who gives a shit about you.

Andrew54321 · 2022-04-13T20:14:41+00:00

When was the last time you jumped on the dick of a sobbing man?

anou142 · 2022-04-13T20:25:29+00:00

Well i once heard a woman say it perfectly she wants her man to be vulnerable but not projected on to her as in not looking for her to save him.

HorusCok · 2022-04-13T20:34:38+00:00

The great misconception is that men are unemotional. Most men I know feel all emotions strongly. We just done put it on display for everyone to see. If we need to talk we will. If we need to grieve we will. But, you may not have an inkling that the guy next to you is in that shape. What he's feeling is private to him.

Anger, joy and grief are the few exceptions that are so strongly felt they can be impossible to keep in.

truthbomb999 · 2022-04-13T20:52:16+00:00

I am female, 29, and I have heard more than once that men should not be vulnerable in front of women

This is correct.

I have always found it hot when guys are vulnerable with me so when I hear this I do t believe it.

A sample size of 1 proves nothing.

And the information seems to be that women get turned off when men show the vulnerable side

That's because the majority do.

Is this true?

Of course, why do you think everyone keeps saying it?

Vanhelsing2020 · 2022-04-13T20:56:50+00:00

OP, You don't respect men who show their vulnerable side to you. You like it because it gives you the upper hand, it gives you more control over the relationship.

You're 29 and single, to which I'm not surprised that you're still single.

A 29 year old Single man is not the same as 29 year old Single woman. You're at the point in your life where your options are less and less in the dating market.

You'll probably have to settle for a guy who's more feminine at your age. Basically a simp

glyep · 2022-04-13T21:00:56+00:00

Early on - no, never. When it gets serious - yes. If she responds negatively then leave. If she doesn't and accepts you, love them deeply. Those are the only ones that matter.

Coward's game to hold all the soft in. Only give it to people who deserve it and you'll know those people when you meet them. Source: met one and she is a keeper.

B3asy · 2022-04-13T21:01:38+00:00

Opening up too soon can be a turn off whether you're a guy or a girl

tjger · 2022-04-13T21:12:53+00:00

What I've read / heard is that men are expected to be strong ("be her oak") in the relationship. Not so much that we can't show emotion. For example, if you are worried about something and you show insecurity to your GF/wife by telling her your problems and fears, she will start resenting the fact that you are not "strong enough".

Now, from my personal experience this is somewhat true (not just personal, but the people I know and stories I've read). I think women are people and at the end of the day will gladly help their partner in any hard situation, but they DO expect men to NOT ALWAYS be like this all the time.

paragon_agent · 2022-04-13T21:20:27+00:00

I've had incredibly positive experiences with this, but I know I'm a minority on this sub.

Vulnerability is key to attracting partners that I find attractive, and I think most men would also enjoy that privilege. Without it, I find it difficult to build any rapport, or even produce any meaningful banter. And personally, if I meet a woman who is standoffish even a little about me being vulnerable, I am done with her.

But I also see a lot of guys on hear get beat up on that front too. Especially if one/both parties aren't quite mature enough yet. Get that enough times and you get this "all women do X when I do Y" mentality.

Orange11a · 2022-04-13T21:24:28+00:00

Most men in the comment section is saying it's a bad idea to show emotion from their personal experience but can you guys go more into detail.

Decaroon · 2022-04-13T21:28:56+00:00

The thing that has been consistent is the fact that it's always fine in the moment, hell, you'll even get some sympathy and support but wait till you get into an argument and all that stuff you said at your most vulnerable is now argument fodder, you get beat down until you feel so small and it hurts because you trusted her and maybe even went real far down with those emotions only for them to be used to cut you down. I used to think that withholding all these things is being dishonest with your partner and doesn't lead to a healthy relationship but I've been burnt too many time so just like a lot of people on this thread, I say "never again" or if I do, I'll wait a stupidly long time before exposing myself like that

_drjekyl_mrhyde · 2022-04-13T21:59:58+00:00

I’ve learned to just not have any emotions at all.

2dice1hand · 2022-04-13T22:18:12+00:00

Being vulnerable when you have low self esteem and insecurities comes off as you projecting your baggage onto your partner in the hopes that she will become your crutch to tell you everything’s okay and that is toxic and codependent and very unattractive. On the Flip side having self worth and confidence And feeling secure in yourself is attractive to the opposite sex when you display vulnerability because it’s not coming from a place of Lack, neediness and desperation…. Instead it’s coming from a place of knowing who you are and being okay with showing someone else that truth of you and regardless of what they do with it you’ll still be whole Now that is the type of vulnerability that’s attractive

RossTheNinja · 2022-04-13T22:21:48+00:00

In my limited experience, it's not a good idea if just dating. In fact women will test you to make sure you can be a rock when needed. In a relationship, then it's fine on occasion, but you still need to be mostly the rock.

BudgetInteraction811 · 2022-04-13T22:26:26+00:00

You’re 29, and a lot of the guys on here are 18-23, with a maturity mindset similar to the women they are dating in that age range. Sure, maybe this is a thing that happens to college-age people, but once you’re a mature adult around 30 you have to go out of your way to date bitches if you are seeing women using men’s natural emotions as a way to cut them down.

ikeepon · 2022-04-13T22:27:59+00:00

Depends on what you mean by vulnerable. For me it means being my authentic self without concern for others’ opinion. This is who I am - take it or leave it. No shame in that, just freedom.

SonyHDSmartTV · 2022-04-13T22:29:38+00:00

Men can be very vulnerable and visibly upset if it's something really serious like someone dieing but if it's something minor then it's unnattractive and seen as weak.

Showing positive emotions is still vulnerable to an extent and women are really turned on by that.

nCRedditor-21 · 2022-04-13T23:15:43+00:00

I missed what happened here, does anyone know what the OP said?

Legs4daysarmsformins · 2022-04-14T07:01:51+00:00

Something about this saying “men showing emotion” whilst simultaneously being removed is so funny to me

Title	Men showing emotion
Author	Outside-Permission19
Upvotes	193
Comments	230
Date	April 13, 2022 2:50 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/u2s1xd/men_showing_emotion/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/men-showing-emotion.1262191 https://theredarchive.com/post/1262191

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