What are your actual dealbreakers?

SiegfriedSigurd · 2022-11-16T13:27:24+00:00

Mainly lifestyle. Excessive drinking/drug use/partying is the biggest.

Miserablemermaid · 2022-11-16T13:38:29+00:00

Consuming drugs or a lot of alcohol, partying too much...

Being obese

Being super lazy

Being unemployed and wishing to stay in that situation

Being completely ignorant

Caring too much about superficial things

Being too much into consumerism

Wanting to appear as someone super cool

KingWhoCared86 · 2022-11-16T13:48:20+00:00

I’m flexible with many things but cheating is the one thing that will make me walk away with zero hesitation.

literaryhogwartian · 2022-11-16T13:31:25+00:00

Cheating, dishonesty, not being clear on finances, wanting kids

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-11-16T14:09:53+00:00

Cheating and lying were pretty much it. But that’s standard issue isn’t it?

SheMyHeroine · 2022-11-16T13:34:49+00:00

Nagging. If I you have a recurring issue with how I act in the relationship then find someone else to date.

Oh and blowjobs. I was a virgin into adulthood, I've spent enough time with a dry dick ok 💀

Blitted_Master · 2022-11-16T17:53:01+00:00

Argumentative, dishonest, shady, poor hygiene, withholding sex, disrespectful, uncooperative, becoming obese, controlling, being crazy. That’s all I can think of off hand.

hybridcbu · 2022-11-16T14:56:52+00:00

Kids are a big one. Have them or want any in the future is a hard no.

N_Count_Council · 2022-11-16T13:54:50+00:00

Cheating in the past
High n
Overweight
Smoking/Drinking heavily
No college degree
Entitled behavior
Boss bitches

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-11-16T18:34:14+00:00

I mean there are a lot of dealbreakers but some of the main ones for me are:

no racists
no elitist/classist types
no red pillers/PUA types
they need to be pro-choice
no addicts (it's okay if they've been in recovery successfully managing their addictions at least a year though)
no gamblers/crypto bros/MLM types
no subscribers to a judgemental religion or heavily religious types where it takes up their every Sunday
no conservatives (we would not be a good match)
no illicit substances (philosophically I have no issue with it and think almost everything should be legal and regulated but I can't afford to be caught up in something that could get them arrested -or me arrested by association)
nobody who throws tantrums (no screaming at people or throwing things violently or getting violent)

starunner · 2022-11-16T13:35:41+00:00

bigotry of all kinds
an interest in adhering to "traditional gender roles"
they're both religious AND do not accept my atheism/try to convert me or make me go to frequent religious services
being unkind in general, especially toward those in the service industry
they're conservative
they dislike deep conversations/friendly debates
they take themselves too seriously/are unable to banter or joke around
disinterest in improving themselves, their lives, or their mental health (whichever is applicable)
an inability to admit when they're wrong, to be open about their feelings, or to compromise.

Would I tell them? Eh. Maybe. But probably not all of them. I would mention conservatism/religion/debates. But the rest are things that we would naturally discuss or that I would witness. After all, action speaks louder than words.

If they are the type of person who is manipulative/controlling/abusive/whatever, they're going to hide their unattractive qualities anyway, and that only gives them more of a guide. Not to mention, not many people would actually admit (or even realize internally) that they fit some of the things on the list.

Notanothrshitthrow · 2022-11-16T15:54:56+00:00

1) Conservative/follows traditional gender roles

2) Any personality disorder or severe mental illness

3) cheating

4) Devoutly religious

5) Bad breath

6) Shit in bed

7) Takes themselves too seriously

8) Doesn't let you have your own time to yourself

9) Unfunny

10) and of course, gotta find them hot

Mammoth_Plane2590 · 2022-11-16T13:44:08+00:00

Falling out of Christianity Cheating, porn usage Hard drug use

StupidWhiteBoi · 2022-11-16T15:18:52+00:00

Being narrow minded/tunneled vision
Arguing to argue/doesn't take accountability
Being rude to wait staff/restaurant workers and being a restaurant worker, it usually means poor, and poor women usually don't make good choices.
Having student loan/credit card debt
Being promiscuous and having stds
Being a pothead/smoking weed ~ it's laziness and trying to numb the pain which the reason why they do it
Inability to think on their own, i.e. Guys do things, so I want to do it just because they do it, not because I genuinely want to do it.
The biggest one that I tell young men all the time is that if she complains about the drama and the gossip that is apart of her life, she'll bring that to you. RP is absolutely right when they say watch their actions, since actions speak louder than words, but watch their words because their words will contradict each other most of the time.

Pay attention to both their words and actions

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-11-16T15:52:29+00:00

yelling at me (or just being terrible at communication)
viewing all sexual activity as a political act.

The_Thrymm_of_Profit · 2022-11-16T16:51:54+00:00

Acting like a child, obsessed with her own emotions, vain, materialistic etc.

teball3 · 2022-11-16T17:32:15+00:00

Conservative. If they are conservative, I think we are just going to be too ideologically far apart on many other things too.
Weighs more than me. I'm not saying they can't have some chub, but it can't be unreasonable either.
I can't support them. If they are too much maintenance or want more luxury than I can provide, then it's not going to work. They have to be able to live within our means, and then expand our means from there.
Religious intolerance. I don't care what your faith is, just don't force it on me or anybody else.
Dishonesty. Cheating, all that. I'll include no having an open relationship.
Never wants kids. I'm not going to try to change their minds. If they don't want any, then I don't want them.

There are other things that I'd like them to be like kind, not bigoted towards anyone, etc. But those things are probably a little negotiable, these aren't.

paroxysmique · 2022-11-17T00:58:56+00:00

Cheating and social conservatism (don’t worry, I don’t think of these as morally equivalent - being a conservative is much worse)

2022-11-16T15:13:07+00:00

Misogyny lol

hairy_bamboo · 2022-11-16T13:13:34+00:00

If we ain't wildly fucking at least every other day I don't care if you're Afrodite herself, imma dip.

InfoVariety-8842 · 2022-11-16T13:40:15+00:00

Debt or financial trouble that impacts their ability to go out and have fun, living with parents (I’m late 30’s), ambivalence towards sex. Current addiction or mental illness struggles. I don’t usually tell them, most of that usually comes out within the first couple dates, unless they are just lying.

social_mule · 2022-11-16T19:35:52+00:00

cruelty
smoking
hard drug use
answering questions for men when she is clearly a woman.

Pastakingfifth · 2022-11-16T14:49:26+00:00

Non compliance and dishonesty. If my woman can't be transparent, honest, and work together with me enthusiastically then it will never work.

I see a lot of married couples/relationships just bicker all the time and refuse to do simple stuff for each other; I find it crazy.

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-11-16T17:14:41+00:00

*No feminists

*no fatties

no smokers, /excessive drinkers

*can't be too far left or right politically

ugly feet
as far as careers I will not date anybody who is: a cop, active military, politician, sex worker
dating a single mother is not ideal, but not a complete deal breaker, however if you're a single mother with two or more kids from different baby daddies, no thanks

,* doesn't like dogs, I don't trust you if you don't like dogs

Ohmaygahh · 2022-11-16T15:12:10+00:00

Hard drug use. Easy no for me, I don't care how hot, rich and smart she is. She wants to bang on crack cocaine, heroin and meth, molly? She don't need me, she needs professional help.

cmvmania · 2022-11-16T15:34:02+00:00

As a dude, just being barely attractive (not ugly) and not promiscuous is all i need. While the latter definitely needs some time investment for screening red flags and vet for warning signs.

See how I mentioned about money, status, height, intelligence, hobbies, length, etc.?

Codoro · 2022-11-16T20:04:41+00:00

Christian and kids are my two big deal breakers, which makes dating in the South a fucking nightmare. We should also be somewhat similar in weight.

Repulsive-Cupcake505 · 2022-11-16T15:41:53+00:00

Being unkind, boisterous, unfeminine, lacking in empathy, and needlessly mean.

No tattoos, piercings, or bad fashion sense.

Plugandharam · 2022-11-16T15:20:55+00:00

For sex? Just about nothing

For commitment? Any sexual history

-angels-fan- · 2022-11-16T17:42:57+00:00

If she's a feminist.

This would tell me that she is mired in victim complex and kind of low IQ. She's going to be looking for inequalities and imagining them where none exist.

Intelligent women see feminism for what it is. A blatant power grab and female supremacy. That's why so few women identify as feminist.

If she is high n. That just gives me the ick and my fragile ego can't handle her pining over that one guy who made the earth shake and the heavens open while I'm "just ok".

Someone that picks fights over stupid shit. I like a peaceful home.

FjbhBoy · 2022-11-16T13:20:06+00:00

Cheating or a history of cheating,no ass,obesity,major deformities,not liking my family, and not being cool with my cats

Ohh yeah and no kids

domdomdom333 · 2022-11-16T14:46:52+00:00

Smoking. Having tattoos. Traditional piercings at most. Inability to have fun when not consuming alcohol.

I don't that's an extremely high bar to reach.Those are pretty much my simple objective deal-breakers. Rest can only be described as a relationship goes on as they're far more nuanced, like viewpoints, attitude and so on.

The_Thrymm_of_Profit · 2022-11-16T14:59:41+00:00

Many

PlayHardGoBroke · 2022-11-16T16:14:08+00:00

I have got a list of many red flags but I’m probably willing to put them aside for the right level of hotness (and have done so in the past) I know I wouldn’t stand cheating (on me) so I’d say that is the only insta dealbreaker in my case

Repulsive-Cupcake505 · 2022-11-16T16:29:31+00:00

I would say any woman who is monolingual in English. I find it really romantic when you can speak another language to your partner or you learn each others native languages. I love speaking in both English or Chinese to my girlfriend.

On a more practical note: women who are too independent are a turn off. Women need some tasks in a relationship that they feel only their men can do. And similarly of course, men have some tasks that only a woman can do.

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2022-11-16T18:21:08+00:00

Kids, “woketivist”, Prost everything to social media, flakey and cant communicate

Angelio72 · 2022-11-16T18:28:09+00:00

Awful black and white tattoos. Pseudointellectual with no real education, people who study media or gender studies

alphasupremacy5555 · 2022-11-16T19:20:36+00:00

It depends on what for. Of course I will tell my partners my deal breakers so that there's no confusions or any problems afterwards.

My deal breakers for a sex only relationship would her not being sexually attractive not allowing me to use a condom and her having a bad odor. I don't really have many deals breakers for a relationship that's just that

Now for a serious LTR I have much more deal breakers: Her being sexually unattractive. Her having more than one very young child. Her not having morals Her having any indicators of being a 304 Her doing drugs or drinking Her having any indications of being dishonest Her being more masculine than feminine Her being argumentative Her being a feminist Her having a social media presence where she post thirst traps. Her being overly materialistic.

Luciansleep · 2022-11-16T20:18:19+00:00

Overweight No passion for anything Don’t keep up with themselves Traditional Bad attitude Submissive Hang ups around sex Useless degree Bi sexual Into politics Can’t handle their own emotions Broke Cold/ don’t like romantic shit

Diddy_1978 · 2022-11-16T21:01:09+00:00

Drugs/getting drunk/misogynism/pro-life/loud-bragging type/low sex drive.

empresa_josefina · 2022-11-16T21:42:07+00:00

1) Women that don’t give BJs, 2) women who don’t contribute to the courtship/relationship, I.e. I have to plan every date, every hangout, initiate all plans, initiate sex, and I have to pay for everything. She should either initiate/plan sometimes, or pay sometimes.

eyes_beyond_the_void · 2022-11-16T22:18:52+00:00

My dealbreakers are a body count higher than 3, being overweight, and being too argumentative. Although, it’s unlikely I would say anything to them about that. However, those are the main three, but, beyond that, if we don’t click then I don’t really see much point in continuing that either.

Barely-moral · 2022-11-16T15:42:24+00:00

Is not willing to give me her best as defined by her past actions in previous relationships she had after turning 18.
Has any option in life better than being my partner or is likely to have them.
The relationship would be illegal.

md8716 · 2022-11-16T16:36:27+00:00

Having any of the following traits is grounds for confinement to the fuckzone with no chance of a relationship:

Any history of being an abuse or sexual assault victim.
Tattoos, piercings, or other body modifications.
Any sort of mental issues or a need to attend ongoing therapy.
A bad relationship with her parents, especially her father.
Close friends with exes.
Casual or excessive swearing.
Has kids, although I'm willing to bend this one if the situation is right

DerekMorganBAU · 2022-11-16T13:56:42+00:00

You need at least 2 out of three

Nice lips

Big breasts

Big ass/hips

If you don’t have all 3 then I can’t. I literally will treat you like a man unless your award winning personality wins me over (lol)

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2022-11-16T14:14:08+00:00

Wanting or having dogs or kids, sobriety.

TheKarmicWoosh2 · 2022-11-16T17:54:50+00:00

Obesity

Atheism

Hard Drug use

Incompatible sense of humor

Likes pets too much

NationalistGoy · 2022-11-16T18:30:47+00:00

Alcoholism
Drug use
Too much tattoos
Piercings, specially septum piercing
Seeks attention from men even when in a relationship
Partying too much
Have nude images/videos leaked on the internet
A "coloful" past
Known for cheating

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-11-16T18:31:48+00:00

Sleeping around a lot and getting bored with having sex with the same person.

LowCreddit · 2022-11-16T18:34:15+00:00

My wife had to be white, Christian, 5'8"+, and instinctively conscientious. Everything else was negotiable.

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bluemooncookiedough · 2022-11-16T18:46:40+00:00

Edit: sorry question for men. Oops

solowng · 2022-11-16T22:18:29+00:00

Not attractive/interesting. If I don't like looking at and talking to her then I'm not going to bother.

Expectations I can't meet. This includes financial.

Crippling drug/alcohol problems. Note, this doesn't mean your garden-variety "drinks too much" or "occasionally gets wasted and makes an ass of herself", more like "being around her feels like a funeral/like being an accomplice to suicide". People who are perpetually massively fucked up aren't all that fun or interesting to be around anyway and being in a relationship with a hard drug addict means hanging out in that scene.

Single mom to multiple kids: probably isn't going to want to raise mine or have the energy for it and I can't afford to raise someone else's kids.

Violent/serious criminal. I don't need that kind of danger in my life.

Serious depression: Depressed people are usually boring and there's nothing gratifying about being unable to make someone I care about happy.

BPD/Cluster B personality disorder. Revealed preference betrays this as negotiable (Emotional intensity is so alluring!), but I was raised by a psycho with BPD and have no desire to repeat that or put my potential children through that. There's a certain point of crazy that will prompt me to immediate nuke the relationship or run from a hookup.

DestroGamaDx · 2022-11-16T22:32:54+00:00

Someone impressionable and a follower...

Adventurous-Judge732 · 2022-11-16T22:48:44+00:00

Being a furry

AwesomeDog59 · 2022-11-16T23:25:14+00:00

Astrology girls. Never again.

Tricky_Dog1465 · 2022-11-17T02:52:21+00:00

Religion. I won't date anyone who is one of the Abrahamic religions. The only way I'll go strong that is they only cask themselves that religion because they were raised in it, but they do not practice.

And caught lying.

I will not tolerate lying in any way shape or form.

King-SAMO · 2022-11-17T03:24:38+00:00

Do not, under any circumstances, remind me of my late mother.

this isn’t just a dating thing, it’s also good form for the general population within line of sight.

iamprosciutto · 2022-11-17T04:58:18+00:00

Cheating

Violence (especially related to my genitals or face. I don't stand for that shit)

General disrespect

Entitlement

Stupidity

Selfishness

Low sex drive

Lack of any kind of activity

Lack of curiosity

Bigotry

Strong religious views other than athiest

Actual nagging

Latter_Adagio8945 · 2022-11-17T05:00:25+00:00

I don’t date monogamous really. So I just date someone casually don’t get overly emotionally invested and see if I feel like dumping them. But I would say someone who makes me chase them after sex is no good. And i won’t chase them.

ICtruthcity · 2022-11-17T05:47:06+00:00

• N-count more than 1 • Cheating • Low hygiene

Endlessly_ · 2022-11-17T05:50:30+00:00

Ehhh, only 100% dealbreaker I can think of is stealing money from me or treating my little brothers like shit. Those will get me to nope out real quick.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2022-11-17T06:08:20+00:00

Personality: she has to be calm, caring, kind, compassionate, and smart. She must also have an exceedingly high degree of integrity.

Behaviors: she has to be in decent physical shape (fitness is very important to me), and she must have good conflict resolution skills & self discipline.

Economic: Either she must have an altruistic career or she needs to be close to my level financially. I'm divorced with no kids. Thankfully, the divorce was amicable and simple because we were both junior officers in the Corps. I'm not going through that now either my current assets and income.

Peacesquad · 2022-11-17T06:13:19+00:00

If you’re a self entitled raging bitch it’s a no no JoJo

PatrickBasedman777 · 2022-11-17T06:22:39+00:00

being fat

being a hoe

entitement

lack of accountability

BewitchedHare · 2022-11-17T09:22:42+00:00

Smoking, Radical Feminism, High Body Count, Not working out, having things *my way or no way*

DzejSiDi · 2022-11-17T12:06:25+00:00

She has kid(s). She is obese. She is stupid af. She is "born again virgin" for me, but had wild sex with other men before.

The rest is IMO at least slightly negotiable.

Son_of_Tzu · 2022-11-17T14:14:07+00:00

If we're talking commitment then a racist family.

Stonks1337 · 2022-11-17T18:33:31+00:00

Poor fitness, poor habits like tobacco smoking, poor morals, poor gratitude, poor mindfulness, poor vision of their own future.

jonascf · 2022-11-17T18:39:22+00:00

Heavy drug use

Unchecked mental health issues

Status obsession

Materialist/consumerist mindset.

flow3rpowr · 2022-11-18T10:09:26+00:00

Consuming animal products. Kissing someone that thinks animal abuse is all good is nasty.

Warm_Gur8832 · 2022-11-20T17:42:14+00:00

I don’t have that many because they would be mostly weeded out by default.

I.e. if their personality, values, whatever, actually clashes with mine, I wouldn’t be around them much to begin with.

Anti_Thing · 2022-11-25T17:46:57+00:00

Not sharing my religious beliefs. She must be devout & must follow the same or a similar interpretation of Christianity that I do (being Catholic or Orthodox would be a dealbreaker, for instance). This means that she must believe that the husband is the head of the household. She must be totally against drunkenness, recreational use of marijuana or hard drugs, sex outside of marriage, pornography, unjustified divorce, denying your spouse sex without justification, homosexuality, transgenderism, &c. She must be eager to have 2+ children (potentially much more), & believe that parents should have zero tolerance for disobedience from their children. She must be hard working when it comes to work & school & conduct her affairs in a strictly ethical & honest way (absolutely no outright lying, no matter how small!)

Politics used to be a dealbreaker for me. I had chances with numerous women whom I ultimately decided not to pursue solely because they were liberal. Unfortunately, there's a severe lack of young conservative women where I live, so after years of loneliness I'm now desperate enough to date a liberal.

I'm very honest & straightforward about my standards. I don't want to waste my time, money, or energy on a woman who's not compatible with me. If she specifically asks, I won't hesitate to tell her about any of my standards, although I do try to be careful/tactful/hesitant when it comes to talking about sex. I won't ask her what thinks about duty sex on the first date, for instance, but I will tell her that I disapprove of pot smoking if the topic comes up.

Title	What are your actual dealbreakers?
Author	Jupitersjunky
Upvotes	20
Comments	205
Date	November 16, 2022 1:11 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ywsy6b/what_are_your_actual_dealbreakers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-your-actual-dealbreakers.1140105 https://theredarchive.com/post/1140105

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