Ex wife wants to meet up for a beer and talks

wakablahh · 2023-08-14T22:49:57+00:00

I think mistake #1 was talking on the phone with her for “hours” last week.

That sort of says a lot where you’re at (which you’ve outlined you still miss her).

It’s okay to miss someone you were close to, but 99% of the time, that person is more an image of who you wish she was, and who you wish she could become. Holding on to that hope, because you’re optimistic, instead of realizing she already showed you who she really is and what she really wants, will just f*ck you up again when you go down that path… again.

AlphaJosh · 2023-08-14T22:12:35+00:00

Don’t do it, it ended for a reason. Your future is ahead, not behind You are the prize.

TheBoyBand · 2023-08-14T23:46:36+00:00

BIG NOPE

Edit: Yes curiosity got me and it became the biggest mistake of my life taking her back, clinged on to hope and all that other “best friend” delusional bullshit going through your head for her to cheat again with same AP. (Unsure if yours cheated).

Edit 2: You seeing someone else, exploring possibilities what in the fuck could your ex have to offer! Keep that motherfuckin door shut and don’t SIMP!

Big_Marsupial_8142 · 2023-08-14T22:19:57+00:00

Don't do it bro... Keep those memories tucked away as just that... Move forward with your AMAZING life!!

yods35 · 2023-08-15T01:38:37+00:00

“To be honest I miss her”…… this dude is done. About to make the same mistake he made the first time. Remembering all the good times and forgetting about the literal hell he had to survive. I feel so sorry for him and the mistake he’s about to make that’s going to fuck his life up for a second time.

Noodletrousers · 2023-08-14T22:15:00+00:00

I understand the feeling of curiosity, but unless you’re ready to end what you have now with the current lady friend, imagine how you would feel if she went out for drinks with her ex.

pipeline_scott · 2023-08-14T23:29:58+00:00

Man, when you shit in your pants you throw them out…you don’t go putting them back on. They’re still shitty pants. I would recommend declining the offer politely and move on.

Throwaway_858493 · 2023-08-15T02:36:32+00:00

My Dad works with a guy whose ex did this. She initiated their divorce, wasted thousands of dollars. Months after she hits him up and asks to meet for dinner to discuss some things. Said she sat down at dinner and literally told him, “I’m ready to work on things between us.” He laughed, finished his dinner, paid for his dish and walked out. I suggest you do the same man.

cschoonmaker · 2023-08-14T22:22:49+00:00

VERY bad idea especially if you're involving alcohol. The relationship ended for a reason, whether you initiated or she initiated. Unless you have kids together that you are co-parenting there really is no reason for you to get together and talk. Trying to remain friends after the split? highly unlikely to happen. Best to move on and keep looking forward. As soon as you start looking backward you're going to crash.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-08-14T23:58:47+00:00

You are going to do it because deep down you are hoping that something will happen

captainchippsixx · 2023-08-14T23:03:51+00:00

Dude. It’s a trap. Women always have different motives than what you think. If your going to heal you can’t talk to her and see her.

Also she probably knows your seeing someone. She doesn’t have good motives towards that either. Don’t give her attention! Don’t be a doormat. There is nothing for her to offer you.

Tell your self she is ass from the past now.

dadplup · 2023-08-14T23:10:14+00:00

If my ex were to call me wanting to meet, I wouldn't want to, after the hell she's put my daughter and myself thru I would know she was trying something so no, even though I know she's not in a good place and I feel bad about it too I really think I wouldn't to much bad blood,

You should limit your interactions to things pertaining three kids of there is any otherwise no you shouldn't meet with her. It is a trap,

Signal-Dot2326 · 2023-08-14T23:57:30+00:00

I did this once with a ex girlfriend I'm now divorcing her lol never ever ever go back to an ex

crypto_keeper88 · 2023-08-15T01:00:37+00:00

Shut that shit down immediately! Tell her you can’t, you have a date.

the-don-carlo · 2023-08-15T02:27:00+00:00

Dude you’re divorced, what are gonna do, start dating her , remarry her and divorce again 🤣

chestpubesandballfro · 2023-08-15T03:10:46+00:00

Not today Satan….

7empest-247 · 2023-08-15T00:40:29+00:00

I love, my STBXW very much..even though she put me through the absolute worst shit of my life..

I'll always love her, call me a softy..

But...if she called me to meet up, I'd be like "yoooo, did fatty mcgoo and you not work out? . Why should I want to meet you after what you did?"

If she can't answer that..then it would be a hard pass.

ranger69danger · 2023-08-15T00:47:31+00:00

“Smart man stick dick in honey hole, walk away poor Poor man stick dick in honey hole, walk away dickless”

-Confucius, I think.

Old_Payment_4335 · 2023-08-15T09:20:03+00:00

Remember she's now had other dick in her mouth

reallyconfused2323 · 2023-08-14T22:39:05+00:00

Why waste your precious time on a used up commodity lol

Character_Hippo90 · 2023-08-14T23:22:53+00:00

Avoid this “emotional entrapment” at all cost. You have yet to heal from the trauma of divorce and her loneliness will only guilt you into a compassionate state/distraction. Plus it’s not fair to any new budding romance.

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-08-15T01:09:45+00:00

This is a gun pointed towards your head, and there's an emotional bullet in every chamber.

ijustdontcare74 · 2023-08-15T05:17:34+00:00

Never go backwards, only forwards. She wants you as an emotional tampon or worse, as a fall back option now that her new life didn’t work out. Never be anyone’s plan B. Tell her you’d rather not, don’t give her any reasons, you don’t need to. Also start to cut down the phone time with her. She needs to understand that you’re not going to be in her life anymore, she ended that permanently, now she has to live with the consequences of her actions.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-08-15T11:38:50+00:00

This is called being her safety net. Do what you want but my guess is she’s found out your seeing somebody and wants to screw that up by screwing with your head.

tvtv3323 · 2023-08-14T23:08:15+00:00

She is lonely, and she wants you to help fill a void that she needs to figure out how to fill on her own. Maybe in 2-3 years, if she has moved on and has a healthy individual life, then sure, maybe, but it sounds too early and too unhealthy.

wolpak · 2023-08-15T00:01:49+00:00

Loneliness is the worst reason to get back together with someone you had a reason for leaving.

MrEpicMustache · 2023-08-15T00:31:35+00:00

ITS A TRAP!

Complicatedlogic · 2023-08-15T01:47:01+00:00

She always knew what buttons to push, didn’t she…

kdthex01 · 2023-08-15T01:15:31+00:00

Nooooooooooooooo

Creative-Drop1816 · 2023-08-15T01:52:23+00:00

If you have no kids together you have no reason to be on the phone with her for hours. She is continuing to get comfort from you. If I had the option I would have cut my Ex out completely. WALK AWAY!!!!....for good.

upfnothing · 2023-08-15T02:23:22+00:00

She’s monkey branching or about to screw you over. Could be nothing but more likely than not it’s something not in your favor

henrysmyagent · 2023-08-15T03:14:10+00:00

All she wants is ego kibble. Where was this energy when the marriage was failing.

It does nothing for you and benefits her exclusively.

Hard. Fucking. NO!

Certain-Line-6351 · 2023-08-15T03:51:14+00:00

She thought the grass was gonna be greener she went out and played the field. she’s realizing all these guys only want to sleep with her and no one actually cared for her like you did.
So now she’s starting to panic and start to try and Hoover you back in because you’re the only person who ever cared.
Don’t forget she already tossed you aside like you weren’t worth it shell do it again.

ConcentrateNo364 · 2023-08-15T11:50:07+00:00

As soon as men move on and women see that, THEN they want you back, a challenge. No thanks.

User8853 · 2023-08-15T12:21:04+00:00

Same situation. My "best friend and soul mate" , emphasis on the quotations divorced me after being together for 15 years and married for 8. She instantly wanted to continue hanging out at the bar once a week, which we have done because we are still friends through all of it. She didn't do me dirty so I treat her with respect. What's going on is yes, she's lonely and her new boyfriend isn't you, not even close. She will fuck him, suck him, but in the back of her mind still love you and miss your relationship. When you two go out She will get a buzz and start having "where did it all go wrong for us..." conversations just to get your feedback, knowing fully that it was her all along. Go out with her, have fun, don't touch her physically and just mention casually how well things are going with your new girlfriend. I'm still single, so I just talk about how well my exercise is going and how easy it is to cook on my own. She's slowly dying inside as the months March on since we've been divorced. But she still fucks dude and whatever else they do, so in the end when she "gets it out of her system" I'm not taking her back and she can just go with dude or other dude or other dude. Doesn't matter to me.

davidsdilema · 2023-08-15T15:57:54+00:00

My wife blindsided me which led to our divorce. She was my best friend too. I slept with my wife while we were going through the divorce. It left me feeling empty and sad. It felt like I was having sex with a ghost. Any progress you have made to better yourself will be set back. Don’t do it!

Front_Performer_9048 · 2023-08-15T19:25:44+00:00

I have this unhealthy fantasy that mine will pull the same stunt. There are lots of things I would like to sit down and say to her, but they aren't exactly nice.

Masypha · 2023-08-15T20:17:13+00:00

Her plan A didn't work and now she's back to you, plan B.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-08-15T03:01:04+00:00

If you're already divorced, do whatever you think is right. There's no legal relationship. But I'm betting there's an ulterior motive.

Backyardbaby67 · 2023-08-15T09:33:09+00:00

…Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb

…You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was…

Shawn008 · 2023-08-15T14:41:05+00:00

Do not ask this place for advice. You gotta understand everyone had a different story and if you look around here, this sub is a gathering of the guys who had the worst stories when it comes to marriages ending.

You got to do what you think is right. The guys here don’t know you, they don’t know your ex-wife. They don’t know the details or story that led to your separation. And despite what they think, they don’t know the outcome of anything or any relationship. They all seem to think every relationship/marriage will play out exactly like what happened to them.

Ren87z · 2023-08-15T15:13:19+00:00

Only concern is the other person you are seeing. Be honest with her. Everyone here has a fucked up story to tell and hate their ex lol I say do what makes you happy at the moment because life is too fucking short! If getting back with her brings you years of happiness and later more hurt then so be it! Thats life! Live it to the fullest and regret nothing as at some point it made you happy. Tomorrow isnt promise to no one so live how you want and be happy. Me personally though i couldnt go back with my ex after all the hurt she put me through but everyones situation is different. Like i said, do what makes you happy my friend. Good luck!

salama2022 · 2023-08-15T15:52:19+00:00

Someone already advised us not to let the same snake bite us twice.

salama2022 · 2023-08-15T15:57:31+00:00

She couldn't satisfy her needs out there, and that's why she came back. She knows your weaknesses and wants a resting place before she strikes again and leaves you. I would do some sophisticated shit like agreeing to meet with her and then taking the new woman with you.

ferocious8000 · 2023-08-15T16:00:03+00:00

“Spaceships don’t come equipped with rear view mirrors.” -Andre3000

ramad84 · 2023-08-15T01:02:45+00:00

she cant manipulate you if you just say "no"

Decorum1 · 2023-08-15T04:29:31+00:00

Use me...abuse me...it makes me feel loved!

You must feel like you don't deserve to be loved.

PhrygianScaler · 2023-08-15T06:00:59+00:00

You could be getting set up for a DUI or a minor fender bender that will result in a DUI.

Mangrove43 · 2023-08-15T10:42:27+00:00

It’s a trap

tinrooster2005 · 2023-08-15T12:37:55+00:00

have you considered that whatever plan she had fell through and now you are Plan B or even C? Most times they only come back to you because whatever better option they had failed. She will just do this over and over to you until she finds a better deal. Also she's probably jealous you have a girlfriend and is trying to screw that up for you. This is a classic ploy.

Heddlo · 2023-08-15T15:22:26+00:00

I miss my ex wife quite often. We've been divorced for about 5 years. She's a totally different person now and it's good to see. Then she does something and I'm back to wanting to punch her in the ovaries.

You meeting her is all well and good. But tell yourself "what will I gain from doing so?". If you have a thin hope of getting back together - you split for a reason and that reason will just happen again. If you think "we had great sex and I could do it again" - that's a very, very dangerous line to cross. As someone who slept with their ex wife within 6 month, it sent me into a spiral of confusion and sadness and put me back a few steps of dealing with the split.

Do not meet her unless it's an emergency.

missmewitDam · 2023-08-15T20:59:50+00:00

Sorry, getting to talk through your feelings and using a man as an emotional pin cushion is strictly a wife benefit. Too bad, too bad.

steelgripphoenix · 2023-08-15T22:28:53+00:00

Bro if she were getting drilled into the mattress by anyone she was mildly attracted to, you would be the last to cross her mind.

She is not your friend. She prioritized her interest in divorcing you. Now that she sees it not going her way, she's prioritizing herself again by extending a olive branch to you. Ask her what she thinks you should tell the woman you're seeing about this meetup if you really think she's your friend 😂

dnbndnb · 2023-08-16T00:01:21+00:00

I don’t think my ex- would ever be smart enough to know what she gave up, but I’m certainly smart enough to never take her back if she tried.

wisstinks4 · 2023-08-16T03:37:53+00:00

Ooo, you have to go now that you told us about it. We all want to know if this leads to booty call of duty.

Articulate_idiot · 2023-08-16T07:02:42+00:00

If you take a jug of milk out of the fridge one day and notice that it is spoiled, and you put it back in the fridge and then 5 months later you take it back out again, it’s not going to be unspoiled milk again.

Don’t drink spoiled milk.

Spudlink9 · 2023-08-16T12:54:09+00:00

Once you bring the trash to the curb you don’t bring it back into your house.

Fresh-Brilliant4550 · 2023-08-16T13:27:24+00:00

She only is speaking to you because she wants something from you, whether you know it or not. Grow a backbone. Stop “talking to her for hours”.

A divorce was a nuclear bomb to your marriage, there’s no coming back from that. It is irradiated and uninhabitable. Stop being a doormat man. Not trying to criticize but get away from her and start doing things that make YOU happy

AlmostThere22 · 2023-08-14T22:59:07+00:00

Your wife was your best friend? Bro come on. No woman should ever be a man's best friend.

She wanted to go and live her best life. Let that bitch be lonely. She earned it.

It would make her really wet if you said "nah Ive got plans"

silmarp · 2023-08-15T02:02:01+00:00

Don't do that. It's not fair to the girl you are seeing.

Follow the path of integrity because that's everything you really need.

Also she knows you are moving on and that's why she is trying to bait you. Means she is insulting your gf. Don't let people insult your gf. Also once your gf leaves you she will also leave.

CaliDude75 · 2023-08-15T01:32:16+00:00

I have had moments of loneliness, but I remember my resolve being crystal clear when I asked for my divorce. I still get periodic calls or texts from my ex, but really have no desire to get back with her at this point. We live 400 miles apart now. If I’m in the area, I might say I want to “pop by to say hi.” But that’s about it.

Go with your gut, but if there’s any whiff of emotional manipulation, don’t do it.

WorriedDrumSoloist · 2023-08-14T23:16:40+00:00

Talk about it with the person you’re seeing now. Make it clear you’re not asking for permission (where she may feel forced to say yes). Say you don’t know what she wants and aren’t sure what to do, and ask for your partner’s advice.

Then follow it.

Significant_Rope976 · 2023-08-15T16:22:58+00:00

Do it, as long as you are in control of the emotions and she is in the "feels". If you are really missing her presence then you will be played, it's a no then.

kfirpravda1 · 2023-08-15T05:38:27+00:00

Do what you feel is right. Feel, not think.

TheNattyJew · 2023-08-15T00:01:50+00:00

but at the same time feel that it's unfair that I'm even considering doing so to the person I am seeing at the moment.

Exactly. You should expect that if you see your ex that your current GF will find out and leave you

jujumber · 2023-08-15T00:27:04+00:00

Even if it was a good idea it’s not fair to the new girl you’re seeing.

dog_fart_tacos · 2023-08-15T00:31:50+00:00

I sometimes think about, but then I remember she's screwed my life over for the next 9 years. Fuck her.

KnownDistance · 2023-08-15T01:44:43+00:00

Way, way, WAY too soon, for ANY reason...!

Walk away, this is over. And don't look back.

Bipolar_investor · 2023-08-15T01:46:45+00:00

Do not do it. If she mad a mistake leaving, don't bail her out. It will happen again ! ! !

scarlet_fire66 · 2023-08-15T02:05:09+00:00

Don’t. Move on, it will get better

iSurvivedltd · 2023-08-15T02:13:32+00:00

Unless you will get back together with her I don't see anything positive coming from meeting with her.

dcpas1 · 2023-08-15T03:47:06+00:00

All I can say is, NO, NO, NO. You will regret it and it will set you back months. JUST DON'T DO IT!!!

One_Cartographer_465 · 2023-08-15T13:24:49+00:00

Your Ex found out you were seeing someone and doesn't want anyone else "playing with her toys". Say NO, don't be a tool.

black65Cutlass · 2023-08-15T14:09:20+00:00

I wouldn't recommend it. My ex-wife reached out on the anniversary of our first date, 13 months after our divorce was finalized. I ignored her message. I want nothing to do with my ex-wife. If you wanted to hang out with your ex-wife, why divorce her in the first place? If she initiated the divorce, she should not be telling you she is lonely, she wanted the divorce after all. And yes, if you are seeing someone you should let them know if you are planning to do it. It is not fair to them if they think you are dating, and you are going to hang out with your ex-wife.

RideATX · 2023-08-15T14:11:44+00:00

I'd probably pass... I do think it would be fun to try to plate her... Be a full blow f-boy, but keep emotional distance between you. This is only if you're over it and just want bang it out a few times... But def use protection.

ImRealHighYo · 2023-08-15T14:43:38+00:00

That's so unfair to your s/o

frowawayacct1111 · 2023-08-15T16:48:16+00:00

She is still emotionally attached to you and is using you for emotional comfort. She is lonely and wants someone in her life. I don't know what the cause was for your split, but it is very likely that she is just seeking that emotional comfort from you. It's like if a guy goes back to an ex for easy quick sex. Tell her that she needs to heal herself from the divorce on her own, she can't use you as a crutch for her own healing or for emotional comfort. If the stars align and you two do end up getting back with each other or be friends for whatever reason, it will happen if it is meant to be. Until that time, you each need to go your separate ways and heal on your own. Focus on yourself and your new relationship. It's not fair to her to have to worry about you getting back with your ex especially if you are already divorced. If you two are at least even meant to be friends, there has to be ZERO emotional attachment there in order for it to work. If either of you is still emotionally attached to the other, it won't work. It's like they always say, hate is not the opposite of love, it's indifference. Even someone that constantly randomly bashes their ex is still emotionally attached to them, is still co-dependent on them. If you have to constantly bash an ex in order to make yourself feel good, it's still co-dependency as you're not finding your own happiness. You are still looking for happiness in the other person instead, except instead of in love it is in hate.

I would go no contact with her. Tell her that you are seeing someone and it is not fair for her right now for you to be spending so much time with an ex that you just recently divorced from 5 months ago, that you both just need to heal from this on your own without contacting each other (unless kids are involved, but even then it needs to be strictly about the kids) & if you are meant to eventually have a friendship, it will happen. But right now she is CLEARLY still emotionally dependent on you.

_RustyOnion_ · 2023-08-16T02:04:14+00:00

Run... Run away. This sounds like some sorta trap. I cannot fathom how. But this can be nothing more than a trap!

Run away. Discontinue all communication.

Work on yourself.

TheSenCtizer · 2023-08-16T02:42:52+00:00

You know that saying women love, "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve my best" ? Did you enjoy handling her during the divorce? If no, don't fall for her "best" charade and always remember her "worst" reality.

I really suggest you grey rock your wife. Fundamentally, you are already seeing someone, and if you are really serious about it, doing this might be seen as emotional cheating for your current partner who thinks you aren't over your ex yet. 5 months isn't a long time for post-divorce recovery and the fact that you had more than an hour long conversation with your ex shows it. It is very likely that after alcohol comes in to play from a few beers that your time with your ex becomes more than just talking and becomes something that you will actually regret. Again, don't do it, don't torpedo your current relationship, grey rock her.

TheBoyBand · 2023-08-17T00:58:45+00:00

It’s always so annoying that after so much feedback, common sense comments, real life experience from men etc OP’s of posts like this don’t circle back like “ohh shit, damn ALL you are overall on Target, yea fuck this broad” or something lmao! They probably choose to be off in lala land STILL thinking, there is just something “special” about us and we will make it 💪🏽 we were besties! when in reality very veryy few do reconcile VERY FEW.

Title	Ex wife wants to meet up for a beer and talks
Author	turdsnatcher9000
Upvotes	36
Comments	106
Date	August 14, 2023 10:02 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15r8mue/ex_wife_wants_to_meet_up_for_a_beer_and_talks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/ex-wife-wants-to-meet-up-for-a-beer-and-talks.1228437 https://theredarchive.com/post/1228437

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