Women who are "done with shitty men" have helped create a whole new class of fuckboys by having "situationships" with a minority of men

ViolatedZucchini · 2023-10-03T23:37:08+00:00

These women & “situationships” are the reason I made a tinder and became strictly casual in my relationships. My best friend was cheated on in 3 out of 4 of his relationships & I have another close friend who’s wife cheated on him 4 months after giving birth to their daughter. I literally keep my expectations at zero when I’m involved with any woman to any extent cause I expect to be disappointed at this point. I tried being the caring/supportive guy & that goes out the window with most women. Soon as I stopped giving a damn, things changed.

not-a-dude-at-all · 2023-10-03T14:18:31+00:00

You should use them as an example and stop putting up with shitty behavior from women.

gopher_glitz · 2023-10-03T16:18:21+00:00

Everyone woman I've ever met who's dated a shit guy had always dated shit guys. If they meet a nice normal man they always cheat on him.

Every woman I've ever known who dated regular guys always dated regular guys.

It all comes back to abuse and trauma in their lives and being unable to accept normal relationships.

throwaway164_3 · 2023-10-03T12:31:00+00:00

I think you’re wrong in that this not a new phenomenon.

Alpha fucks/beta bucks is a tale as old as time. Women love casually fucking and having fun with exciting and hot men and settling with less physically attractive “stable” guys when her looks begin to fade and she wants to raise a family. This behavior existed even in the 1950s, and arguably all the way back to our primate common ancestor

It’s why women are so strongly sexually attracted to hot, dominant, tall, high status men. They always have been!

Your view will change once you start looking at homo sapien behavior through the illuminating lens of evolutionary biology.

GridReXX · 2023-10-03T12:27:18+00:00

Do you think women’s views on male shitty behavior started with the sexual revolution mid 20th century?

Like the first woman in the history of the world to ever think “wow men are really violative” thought that in 1969 Berkeley, CA?

Deadwalking2k · 2023-10-03T20:57:13+00:00

Done with shitty men just means they don’t wanna date ugly men who are nice. So they’ll choose assholes who are hot as if it isn’t the most superficial logic ever.

demedermidimi · 2023-10-03T13:55:55+00:00

Average men can be shitty though? Like i’m not sure why there is an assumption that because a man is shitty or a woman had a shitty experience then he is some Chad fuckboy. It’s kind of stupid and not reflective of reality at all.

SerpentCypher · 2023-10-03T13:08:12+00:00

This is not a new thing whatsoever. Our ancestral gene pool is comprised of almost double the female dna than it is male dna. Whatever you want to call it, af/bb, 80/20 etc. Women have been either unknowingly or willingly sharing the top percentage of men since our species was in it's infancy.

obviousredflag · 2023-10-03T17:52:43+00:00

It's a myth that super attractive men who can easily get all the women are lieing to them about just wanting sex. That is average-guy-strategy, because the women wouldn't consider fucking them if it wasn't for relationship interests. Attractive men just tell women they want casual sex and the women still fuck them, or fuck them right because of that. No woman is "burned" by a highly desirable man "playing" her.

Average guys play women to get what they can't get otherwise.

MacaronFinancial · 2023-10-03T21:08:15+00:00

The thing is that it's almost impossible for a man to "use" a woman unless she is mentally retarded or something.

What rather happens is that the woman does not get to enjoy the ride all the way to the end but she does get some perks and fascination that is not all in her head.

Guys build stuff up in their head and live out their fantasies with their hand under the sheets at night because some girl smiled at them whereas women get to have steamy sex with male models and they feel amazing based on reality experiences. They are not angry about having effed the guy...they are angry that the ride on his ding-dong comes to an end abruptly. No woman is going to be raging because Joe Blow did not return his message after a night of mediocre sex AKA mediocre genetics.

The idea that men can fool women into sex by offering commitment does not work; offering commitment is like offering oral sex to a woman; most women don't care about it and it just makes you look like you're compensating for lack of genetic gifts.

It's like being a soccer fan and getting to hang out with Ronaldo but not making his team. It's a lot better than getting to watch soccer players from a seat along with every other fan and maybe imagining that the players are interested in you. You have to adjust your expectations.

MarBitt · 2023-10-03T13:24:28+00:00

What is this class of fuckboys? The last time I was single was 10+ years ago. Casual sex was easily available to me, women offered it themselves. It gets boring after a while and you move to build a good relationship because it has long term value.

Most of my peers who were in a similar situation, perceive it the same way. Even for most men it's just a hoe phase or bad boy phase and not belonging to the class of fuckboys.

If a woman keeps a man waiting for 7 dates, it's usually not about him and how unattractive he is, it's about her and how she wants to live and see herself. She just doesn't want to be as irresponsible and impulsive as she was when she was younger. This is similar to when you just don't want to have wild drinking parties or start fights anymore. You are already elsewhere in your life.

There is no point in being bitter about the woman for not always being the same. Nobody is. Neither do you. And when your childhood or adolescence runs away, it's simply gone. It's not her fault you didn't enjoy yourself as much as you wanted. You can be bitter about it all your life, but that will only make your life worse. And then you die and that's it. No refunds.

chrisnata · 2023-10-03T15:26:11+00:00

“Men are trash” doesn’t necessarily come from rejection or being treated badly by a (sexual) partner. It comes from all interactions with men, including average Joes.

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-10-03T15:52:39+00:00

and the bitter normies upset that their girlfriend - who made them wait 7 dates - once tried out sucking off the cute guy in the back alley behind the club and decided it wasn't for her.

Wtf. Y'all really are unhinged.

Shitty men are shitty on their own.

houstongradengineer · 2023-10-03T13:47:01+00:00

Umm babe, I have only slept with my husband, so you're telling me I'm not allowed to say men are trash now because I never slept with one who abandoned me? Wow, that feels too limiting. I think I'll prove you wrong!

Some men are trash. They can be trash to other women, but still trash. They can be single monks and also be trash. I could be trash. Not all men, not all women, not my husband, but definitely some humans.

thisreallyisnotok · 2023-10-03T20:16:02+00:00

This is also due to OLD creating a hyperreality that convinces women they are more sought after then they really are.

Amiskon2 · 2023-10-03T13:51:12+00:00

Imagine having countless options and still finding a way to date the same shitty men.

Safinated · 2023-10-03T13:37:01+00:00

A man doesn’t have to be a fuckboy or Chad to be shitty.

And as long as women are dating more than 2 or 3 men it will average out. The vagina is still available, just maybe a few years later then before

Thrice_Banned80 · 2023-10-03T13:38:40+00:00

No different than a dude going for the crazy chick because she'll actually say yes to them, catching feelings and then getting burned when she cheats on them. Suddenly all women are trash when their only experience with women was a mentally ill young adult.
Both genders pull this shit.

y2kjanelle · 2023-10-03T14:22:32+00:00

Most women would sleep with an average guy who actually shows her a good time and makes her feel special and sexy. Lots of average men would rather bitch and complain than learn to do the above. The average to above average men shut the fuck up and just date women. They use more than just dating apps which are meant to be superficial and benefit the most attractive people.

It’s not my job just because I’m a woman to inflate the ego of ugly men who put in no effort and deflate the ego of an attractive guy to “teach him better”.

I’m no one’s fucking mom. Tired of that narrative. If you’re a man/person, you either make the choice to be a good person or a bad one. If you can’t live with that and need to blame a woman for it, go see a fucking therapist. Reddit doesn’t have a MA in Counseling.

The reality is that men don’t want to be wanted because they have little to offer that’s desirable. They liked being NEEDED because then women wouldn’t have any choice but to tolerate any shit men gave them. Including being unattractive, weird, antisocial, off putting, broke, etc.

Average men don’t have great personalities because they’re average. Being attractive doesn’t mean you’re an asshole. I’ve slept with plenty of attractive dudes NSA and they were rly nice and we felt like friends. You have your laughs and good sex and just move on with your life.

Frankly, average men are not providing any good experiences for women and women may prefer having these one off really fun and happy experiences with men they find attractive than to have enduring relationships with men who are unattractive, jaded and bitter promising an amazing personality and princess treatment that’s never going to come.

My dude is statistically average and if I wanted I could’ve stayed sleeping with other guys that are statistically more above average. But I fell in love with my man because I like the way he looks as he is, and I love WHO he is. Other guys can’t compare to that. 🤷🏽‍♀️I’m fiercely loyal and can become obsessive. Our sex life is amazing and I treat him to whatever I can. Blowjobs before work, dinner when he gets home, concert tickets to an artist he loves, small surprise gifts. I make great impressions with his parents and family.

Women are down AF. Meaning once they’re emotionally attached they go HARD unless she rly had ulterior motives. That’s just how women are.

But men want to focus on stupid surface level stuff that clearly doesn’t get them anywhere because they have to whine and bitch about the same things every day.

Chad is not so dumb and socially incompetent to spend his time on Reddit complaining versus attempting to cater to women and understand what gets that emotional attachment.

That’s the difference between an average guy who has little trouble and a below average guy who’s not that ugly but won’t be successful in a very long time.

Y’all are wasting time with these bullshit posts

PsychicImperialism · 2023-10-03T13:48:37+00:00

1: It's incredibly hard for most men timewise and energy wise to have multiple situationships. It isn't glamorous, or easy, or anything at all like social media cliches. There's a lot of relationship-like things that come up in situationships. And there are only two types of men who can maintain multiple situationships at once; men who spend enormous amounts of time on their partners and happen to be non-monogamous, and men who spend enormous amounts of time looking for new partners because they're bad partners so they're just constantly being dumped.

Maintaining a situationship takes effort, communication, and attention like any other pairing. Most men can do one, sometimes two or three for the poly types, but the cliche of a "minority of men" maintaining 5+ long term partnerships is ridiculous. Anyone who's actually been through it all knows it's ridiculous. Most men can only handle one significant partnership, which a situationship is. Not because he's less attractive, or because he's less "alpha", but because it's literally a massive time and energy investment. It's fun. It's great. It's all that. But it's a lot of time and energy. And no, sex once every year or when both people are single doesn't count as a situationship (it's not a "roster" either; it's literally just familiarity, trust, and knowing you're sexually compatible).

2: People have more baggage the more they go through. This includes relationships and dating, or just getting older. They also gain more experience, develop communication skills, mature a lot more, and work on emotional issues they've had. So, anecdotally from my own experiences and those of many others, it's not uncommon in dating to find people who feel bitter about exes, or have regrets, have made mistakes, or have been through traumatic situations.

Women I've met who have felt burned by past partners do indeed guard themselves a little more, specifically so that they know you're safe, respect them as a person, and actually like them as a person. It's not usually an insurmountable mountain pass. Usually you just have to like her as a person. It's as simple as hanging out with her, talking about your day, and just being a good person towards her. You have to remember, if she likes you and she's spending time with you, she wants you to end up being someone she can trust too. She's pulling for you to be an alright man, and all you have to do is see her as a person and be genuine towards her.

On the topic of trauma and personal development specifically, I have encountered women who have been hurt by past partners, and who weren't even able to process that until they were in a safer, more supportive situation. I do think transformative relationships are a thing, and sometimes some women finally find a partner they can trust, who treats them well, who they feel safe with, and within that close relationship they then begin processing their past and developing new ideas and a new bar for the kinds of relationships they want. This is not a bad thing. This literally means that you, as her partner, are the new bar.

And no, sex and fun and the things she wants to do with you do not dry up under this circumstance. Women are more likely, not less, to feel safe exploring their sexuality if you've shown her a trusting and close relationship where she's comfortable to be herself. All the memes about less sexual activity or doing less for a serious relationship are misconceptions of a gender-neutral phenomenon where people in very long term relationships get lazy, demotivated about sex and romance, or forget to work on the spark or try new things.

3: This is a misconception of root causes. Yes, there are a number of men who avoid relationships or set the bar on relationships very high, because they've learned certain ways of being or have had poor experiences in prior relationships. Which is to say, men have baggage or act based on beliefs of what works better for them too. There are a few different factors at play here spanning from what's considered attractive at the flirting stages of dating, to the pace of commitment and how a man pressuring a woman too quickly influences that or drives her away, to how absolutely blindsided people can be to the impact relationships actually have if one or both partners are toxic. And of course some men just want what they want, and for an independent lifestyle things like situationships can actually be quite nice for both partners.

Men don't develop these habits or avoid relationships because of their partner's sexual history. I cannot tell you how hilariously out of place that misapplication of bodycount insecurity is as an explanation for why men set a high bar on relationships or screw around. It's not even logically consistent. Women don't actually tend to completely change their sexual preferences or libido when going from one boyfriend to another. At most, she might decide to set a higher bar at the very first dates to avoid men who only want sex. Other than that, her libido and how much sex she prefers is the same. It's not really until very long term relationships or unforeseen issues that sex can take a dip. In other words, the root cause you're speaking on doesn't exist.

Women are encouraged not to compromise or lower their standards

This is complicated. In my opinion, a lot of women lack guidance on how to treat their boyfriends and husbands, and social media is influencing a lot of bad habits in both men and women. I do think both men and women can be unreasonably selfish these days, and don't exactly know how to value their partners. Most people learn how in time, since they aren't bad people and actually do want successful and healthy relationships. I think this causes a perception that the worst things on social media are reality. But they're not.

I also don't think women have unreasonably high standards. I don't think standards are the cause of a lot of situations where women are living more independent or single lives. The explanation for that is simply that women who are college educated or have good jobs and have made a decent life for themselves are both comfortable and protective of that life. By and large, these women's standard for a basic relationship (prior to marriage) is to be treated well, to be respected, and to be cared about. Attraction matters too, of course, but the point is all the other standards you hear about aside from attraction and chemistry are secondary. If I had to answer the question of "What women want" in 2023, I would say women want a man who values her, who she can talk to, who she can trust, have good sex with, and cuddle with. A lot of women crave that, above everything else. They want it in situationships. They want it in relationships. And for a lot of women, it's rare. They will value it. They will value finding a man who is that to them. Not all. But enough that I'd say that's the "what women want" of today.

In conclusion, yes there are a lot of situationship and FWBers out there. No, it's not just a minority of men who can have situationships. And if you don't want to be a situationshipping man, don't. Women will value you and take you more seriously if you value them and take them more seriously, provided she likes you and wants to be with you.

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-10-03T16:12:02+00:00

Why is there this is incessant preoccupation by unsuccessful men with creating this narrative about Chad (who according to this sub is anyone who isn’t a virgin) being a terrible person? Do any of you actually know any men who aren’t chronically online and inexperienced? Because it doesn’t seem that you do.

Ok_Smile_60 · 2023-10-03T13:35:48+00:00

This is one reason men don’t older women or women who have slept around.

They will treat you worse than those guys who ‘used’ them and it’s an awful situation

Bandit174 · 2023-10-03T13:05:23+00:00

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PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2023-10-03T13:18:14+00:00

[permanently deleted]

JCSledge · 2023-10-03T18:16:56+00:00

Women aren’t responsible for the behavior of men. If that were the case then it says men have no control over their own actions and makes them weak.

Alecto_Moonbat · 2023-10-03T17:00:39+00:00

"Boo-hoo-hoo, it's all women's fault, why won't they mommy all of our problems away and wait on us hand and foot so we can keep being happy little remora??"

Women can fuck whoever they want, for whatever reason they want, whenever they want to, and how men react to that is ON THEM.

Guess what, guys? Behavior has consequences. If you can't be bothered to adjust accordingly, then you get what you get.

Able-Imagination3695 · 2023-10-03T16:24:47+00:00

and they surely aren't picking personality.

As they shouldn't. Personality isn't enough.

Look guys, this isn't rocket science. It's not hard to figure out. When it comes to defending why men like age gaps and why men like young women, all of you are evolutionary science savants. But when it comes to figuring out why women don't want to fuck around with a guy who has nothing to offer but mediocre dick and a mid personality, all of a sudden, y'all want to act brand new to fucking Earth. And it's really not that fucking difficult - we are all still animals who are a part of the Animal Kingdom and everything that has to do with dating, fucking and romance ultimately boils down to two sole purposes: pleasure and procreation.

When it comes to doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel, women make it very clear and very simple: weak genes need not apply. Actually, its best if weak genes don't get the chance to procreate at all.

Fuckboys are fuckboys because they're a) physically attractive b) strong and c) typically have high social status. Why do women like them? Because points a-c are desirable traits in the monkey brained woman who has yet to figure out that if she were smart about how she uses her pussy and her uterus, she's not risking engaging in sexual activity with a potential male partner that can't offer time and resources to help with offspring.

Literally, the stupidest fucking thing a woman can do to herself and her future babies is to get together with a guy who can't offer shit but dick. But this includes painfully average men, in fact, I'll go as far as to say that guys that offer nothing but a mid personality and dick are mostly made up of very average to ugly guys. The proverbial fuckboy just happens to be the most successful of that class of man, but its because he actually does offering something of value: good looks.

The thing is, the proverbial fuckboy offers good looks, a trait that is actually very rare in men and very valuable to offspring. Good looks are a great trait to pass down to future generations - there's a reason why millionaires and billionaires choose good looking women to have their children.

You guys love to analyze and make up all of these crazy scenarios due to statistics and numbers while completely forgetting that we are still creatures of the animal kingdom and ensuring the only the fittest and the strongest get to procreate is an integral part of our species and it's success.

Women are encouraged not to compromise or lower their standards, this isn't the 1950s anymore where their livelihood depended on the man, or be forced into marriages

Let me explain something to you about survivorship bias. Literally 90% of the people who are alive today are the result of hardcore patriarchal rules surrounding women and marriage. Back in 1950s, if you so much as wanted to see a titty, you had to provide a woman with a house. Back then - and in some cultures today - the woman got very little say in whether or not you got to fuck her. You know who decided if you were good enough to marry her? Her daddy. And trust me, when it comes to upholding men to a standard, men's standards for other men are significantly higher. If you did not have what it took to impress someone's daddy back in those days - a good job and the ability to provide someone's daughter with a house - you were not getting married and having children. Period. You have it so so so so easy now, you don't even know it.

Workaholiconew · 2023-10-03T12:39:20+00:00

I would aay that the uncomprpmissing nature of modern women is one of the reasons to it. But there are many more like the incompetence of modern women for being valuable long term partners and the decrease of sexual and social drives in men as times gone on.

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ATasteofTx214 · 2023-10-03T16:32:20+00:00

When she inevitably gets burned and decides she is done "putting up with shitty men" it will not be because "average Joe" has hurt her, she is projecting her own negative experience with a fuckboy player on ALL MEN.

False. She may have dated fuckboys AND average Joe and realized they're BOTH shitty, but fuckboy was hotter, more willing, and more fun to be around.

The insecurity and resentment expressed in the pill communities isnt hidden very well n real life, and no woman with options regardless of her SMV wants to be with a mid guy who's constantly questioning her motives, secretly comparing her to his made up version of her past, judgemental, controlling, cheap, and dull.

I saw guys a post yesterday of men advising each other to avoid women who love catching FEVERS (fun, energy, vibes, excitement, romance). Y on earth would a woman choose to commit to that when the option to b alone and have fulfilling companships is easily accessible?

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-10-03T16:46:01+00:00

Most situationships are "non defined" as an agreement on both sides. I don't really see that many women being upset that their situationship bf doesn't want to commit, maybe but eh. They aren't devastated when it doesn't work out though. Getting into a situationship is basically like saying, yeah, this isn't going to work out. Everyone knows this.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-10-03T21:01:01+00:00

Sure this can happen, but let’s not pretend the “average Joe” never hurts her. Most women date average men and are hurt by some of those average men. This is going to affect her perception of “all men” a lot more than fuckboys being fuckboys. Think “being dumped when you started having some health problems by a previously great boyfriend of seven years” vs. “being ghosted by a hookup.” Which one do you think is going to have the bigger impact on her outlook?

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-10-03T22:16:05+00:00

Well y'know...it would be nice if all young men were attractive enough to fuck. Maybe you guys should try harder?

69hateREDDIT · 2023-10-03T16:22:44+00:00

Actions have consequences. Just don't date damaged goods, it's that simple.

begayallday · 2023-10-03T19:28:55+00:00

I’ve never expected much out of a fuckboy. It’s not that hard to tell who they are once you have been burned a few times. I’ve had more issues with the “average Joes” than the fuckboys. Being “pumped and dumped” is far from the worst thing a guy can do to someone.

Ok-Proof-2174 · 2023-10-03T21:36:27+00:00

Women throughout history helped create “fuckboys” by having “situationship” with a minority of men - there changed the title for you

NSGameDeveloper · 2023-10-03T21:51:11+00:00

I think we better accept the fact that natural selection is brutally asking us to compete with each other and the winner fucks all the women and carries his genes. This is so clear that only liars cannot see it.

Why don’t we tell Western women that we are tired of this and go to countries like South Korea or the Philippines to get married? When they will see half of the population being replaced, they will start thinking twice about practicing hypergamy.

grown_folks_talkin · 2023-10-03T22:16:35+00:00

I want a viscous dynamic

Toxic_LigmaMale · 2023-10-04T01:39:36+00:00

I think the problem is that most people don’t understand the concept of learning from others’ experiences unless they’re in an authority position. Parents used to be an authority, and they imposed that on their sons and daughters. The breakdown of the family dynamic has more or less ruined that. Women feel pressured to have a “hoe phase” as if they’re missing out on something. Which in turn, makes her a less desirable partner to most men that want a relationship and family.

dennekie · 2023-10-04T07:58:28+00:00

most of the “good men” you speak of, are actually terrible human beings lol. if men weren’t so red pilled far beyond redemption, then there would be less situationships.

Suspicious-Bed-2717 · 2023-10-04T17:02:07+00:00

Women know exactly the man they should be going after but of course they just don't care. I know a single mom who works with me. She's dating the worst men possible and is out parties in clubs instead of taking care of her only son.

ambrosedc · 2023-10-04T21:04:54+00:00

Nailed it!

begayallday · 2023-10-05T17:17:41+00:00

u/arvada14

When you are constantly fucking exhausted and have zero time to yourself because you spend 40+ hours at work, and then come home and do 100% of the childcare/cooking/cleaning/laundry/grocery shopping/etc. while your partner sits on their ass, how would that be your fault exactly? If you ask and ask and ask for help, and nothing changes, how is that your fault exactly?

Children do best when they don’t live with parents who hate each other. Staying together for the kids is an awful idea.

People who aren’t married, and don’t have kids together are less likely to be living together. Living together and having kids together adds a whole other level of stressors, the majority of which fall on the woman.

No shit that women lose their partner’s income in a divorce. Women are also more likely to have primary custody (and despite popular belief, very few men pursue more custody). None of that changes the fact that women are much more likely than their male exes to experience poverty after divorce. Nothing that I said there was incorrect. Women are more likely to be poor and still want out of their marriage more often. Because it’s frankly not worth it.

Title	Women who are "done with shitty men" have helped create a whole new class of fuckboys by having "situationships" with a minority of men
Author	Napo_De_Leone
Upvotes	202
Comments	483
Date	October 3, 2023 12:10 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16yq88y/women_who_are_done_with_shitty_men_have_helped/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-who-are-done-with-shitty-men-have-helped.1233884 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233884

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