A thought experiment for men

Kind-Dare7852 · 2024-03-06T21:34:35+00:00

having a weird anime/ horse girl personality

Sounds good to me.

treadmarks · 2024-03-06T22:24:11+00:00

but they will treat you well and love you. They all have low n counts and aren’t hypergamous and are submissive and cook and clean.

I'm looking for a wife not a maid or some fawning slave. You're saying they're physically unattractive and also have weird personalities that I'm not into. So they don't fit my two most important criteria. It would be a terrible idea to marry one of them.

Jazzlike_Worth_9908 · 2024-03-06T22:09:21+00:00

I'm currently struggling with this. I met a woman who os perfect with me but i cant fall in love because i dont find her very attractive and i feel like ill have to end it soon

izzzy12k · 2024-03-06T22:19:27+00:00

Funny thing you say this, as I took a chance at someone I really wasn't the most attracted to.

She had a very good personality and we had plenty in common.. including our kids.

When we met in person, she was more heavy set than in her profile.. but I decided that maybe together we could get to a better fitness level.. as a couple.

She was very aggressive with moving certain aspects along, which to me showed real interest. So I was fine with it.. as it included exclusivity.

Fast forward a few weeks, and we spent an evening together.. but she wasn't really into things, you can just tell. It was not a good experience, but I chalked it off to nervousness.

The very next day after we both headed home, she called to tell me that she was going to meet up with an old friend or someone.. Which was no big issue, but after that.. She went MIA..

She would maybe respond to text messages with one word responses, but wouldn't answer the phone.

After several days, she actually answered the phone and just gave me some lame excuse about her daughter and some drama.. Which I was like, ok.. it could be plausible.. until I heard an approaching voice over the phone call.. and then heard the fumbling of the phone and finally the call just ended.

I called her back, no answer.. Then got a text message stating that she would call me later, that night. That call never came.

I pretty much after that, just stopped trying.. It was obvious what was going on.

She called me like a couple days later, like nothing had actually happened.. I felt disgusted, and just promptly ended the call. And just stopped responding..

She texted me a few times, the last message stating that she knew I was upset and didn't blame me.

Crazy part, is that on her social media.. She changed her profile pic to include a banner of text, saying how she wasn't an angel or something like that.

So looks or whatever doesn't change the way some people are, in this modern era of dating..

Especially women, who will still get a lot of options.. Regardless if they are a 1, or a 10, in the dating scheme of things.

WilliamWyattD · 2024-03-06T22:03:48+00:00

Male and female sexual attraction floors are quite different. But yes, assuming we just accept the OP's statement that you feel NO sexual desire for them, then no, you don't date any of them.

OFC the whole point in what men are saying about female sexual standards is that they are artificially inflated. They aren't asking women to date men they find unattractive. They are saying that if we somehow straighten things out, then women will truly find a lot more guys attractive.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-03-06T21:30:51+00:00

By accepting my life as a native of Philly!

DumbWordsmith · 2024-03-06T22:09:39+00:00

If I could be guaranteed that a) she would remain loyal and wouldn't upend my life and b) that she deserves to be pampered (from my perspective), I'd be fine with it. In my opinion, having truly loving and supportive people around you is a blessing worth cherishing; it's always been a rare occurrence in my life (and probably most people's lives).

I came to terms with reality (i.e., not being with the most attractive women) when I was young. That's no biggie. My biggest issue has been finding someone who I thought deserved sacrifices from me. When I made sacrifices for certain women in the past, they eventually took them for granted.

That said, we'd have to start addressing the weight issue ASAP. That's a health-related disaster waiting to happen. It would also limit my lifestyle, and I wouldn't want her to pass down poor behavioral traits and eating habits to my kids. With her cooperation, I could easily get her to where she needs to be; I've done it before.

But that would require those glasses, which don't exist, so...

DietTyrone · 2024-03-07T05:23:33+00:00

>see that most of the women who are recommended to you are unattractive. They have traits like being overweight and middle aged or being really weird looking or having a weird anime/ horse girl personality. They are all 4 and below.

So basically the exact same experience most average guys have on dating apps.

KayRay1994 · 2024-03-06T21:49:58+00:00

I’ll remain single, for one thing I don’t need a wife who “cooks and cleans and is submissive and has a low n count” - so it’s not like i particularly seek “perfect wife traits” to begin with

pwishall · 2024-03-06T22:41:13+00:00

You have an axe to grind here clearly. Seems you've got your mind made up about a lot of things you've read online and you're looking to justify this with some gotcha questions.

Hard evidence showing men are much more likely to swipe right, showing on average their minimum standards are lower. Your personal experience doesn't prove anything otherwise.

Blue_Robin_04 · 2024-03-06T23:05:13+00:00

I would take in a heartbeat. Who am I to be a choosy beggar?

BCRE8TVE · 2024-03-06T22:42:53+00:00

I'll jive no problem with weird personality if their weird matches up with mine. Horse girl personality is kind of a red flag already so not sure why you throw it in there like it won't cause issues.

Per overweight and middle age, I'm overweight and 31 myself, so if we're on the same level and can help motivate one another to get better, and of course assuming compatible personalities, values, and some level of attraction, why the hell not?

At the very least the glasses will help me avoid a 2nd relationship that ended like my 1st,where over 7 years she turned controlling, toxic, and abusive. I'll find someone who can and does love me for me, and that's the single biggest predictor of happiness and long term marriage, so again why the hell not.

I know I'm not a supermodel so I'm not expecting to have a super hot porn star model as a wife.

Acceptable-Truck3803 · 2024-03-06T23:10:41+00:00

I mean you have a preference of choosing overweight women as average and who should chance them. Call me shallow Hal.

I didn’t workout for years to be considered above average and have “average options.” You can be the best person on paper to have a relationship and be committed/married/raise a family/etc but you cannot negotiate attraction.

First link maybe the red sweater. Not to the other. Second link they are clearly in a relationship so no. Also lot my type. Third link is a not my type either.

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gntlbastard · 2024-03-06T23:20:34+00:00

Order another drink and go back to minding my own business.

Aafan_Barbarro · 2024-03-07T06:57:45+00:00

This thread is just a way for you to ignore that way more men are unattractive to women compare to amount of women who are unattractive to men. False equality. But that is your whole purpose here. Project everything back to men.

TRTGymBro · 2024-03-06T21:56:07+00:00

I will avoid them and bang the bad girls?

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-03-06T22:45:24+00:00

I find hilarious this kind of comment because it straight up shows exaclty the kind of dissociation that goes.

"most of the women who are recommended to you are unattractive. They have traits like being overweight and middle aged or being really weird looking or having a weird anime/ horse girl personality. They are all 4 and below. You will never be truly attracted to them, but they will treat you well and love you."

This is how women see 80% of you, do wathever you want with this information.

Hot-Law2682 · 2024-03-06T22:00:10+00:00

I'd date/marry someone I didn't find attractive if I knew they would be loyal and treat me well. Finding someone for a super LTR is basically impossible, being able to guarantee committment matters a LOT.

kalecikkarasi · 2024-03-06T22:57:06+00:00

Hypothetically if they would be the best and most loving wife, honestly I have no problem accepting any of those and being loyal (except I don't know the meaning of anime horse girl).

"You will never really be attracted" I assume this will change over time, because a) attraction is not based on looks alone, b) attraction can increase when you get to know them, c) everyone is gradually losing their physical attractiveness anyway, d) I'm also 5/10 at the moment.

Not only that, there can be an endless improvement in the looks department. Like better fashion, better makeup, better skincare, plastic surgery if necessary, healthy diet. And sexual attraction and satisfaction can also be achieved if you are creative. These are fixable, or at least tolerable to some extent, but bad personalities certainly aren't in the long run.

That's quite an easy thought experiment for me.

Most_Read_1330 · 2024-03-06T23:45:15+00:00

I'd be fine with that

bottleblank · 2024-03-07T02:13:58+00:00

Come to terms with what? You didn't describe anything I couldn't find attractive in some way or another. I might be lonely, inexperienced, depressed, and frustrated, but I'm also realistic, open-minded, patient, and interested in depth.

So what if she's not a 21 year old supermodel? Neither am I. Any sane, rational, sensible, mature person should be able to set their expectations appropriately. The opportunity I most regret not being ready to take is a woman who was very visibly overweight, who was a little odd, because I actually liked being around her as a person and my companionship needs are not purely aesthetic or sexual.

You know what? Why am I even bothering. The question doesn't strike me as being posed in good faith anyway and I could talk about the above until I pass out from lack of oxygen. But just in case there's any shred of humanity left in this sub, or these discussions, men are not 2D cardboard cutouts of cartoon characters obsessed with sex and perfect attractiveness.

(Edit: Also, "submissive"? "Cook and clean"? Get outta here. I want a partner, not a damn housemaid.)

It says something, frankly, that an autistic person (you know, commonly portrayed as having no empathy, nuance, emotional maturity, or social grace) has to sit here and try to explain to you that men are human beings too, just the same as you are, not a pile of shitty stereotypes who act like your weird-ass vision of what you've decided men must surely be because they're not you.

biscuitcatapult · 2024-03-06T21:36:54+00:00

Pretty easily. I’ll just keep being single.

RedditIsCensorship2 · 2024-03-07T03:09:20+00:00

and aren’t hypergamous

Come on now, I understand it's supposed to be a thought experiment, but expecting men to imagine women not being hypergamous is asking for too much...

Unique-Afternoon6316 · 2024-03-06T21:55:13+00:00

I would probably pretty sad, but if it was earnestly my only option I would consider it. But ultimately, I would not- if I cannot be attracted to them, I would never enter a relationship with them because the thought of a woman entering a relationship with me whilst not being attracted to me would be extremely painful to my self esteem. If you had said that the 4/10 is objective rather than my personal score, I might have been able to do it.

My standards on a partner are such that I don't need them to be my perfect wife- if I could sub some points in the submissive bangmaid category I'd love to have a 6/10 wife with a personality I enjoy cohabitating with.

Fun_Push7168 · 2024-03-06T22:46:34+00:00

They all have low n counts and are submissive and cook and clean. The younger ones are fertile

Don't really care about this.

As for my reaction. I've dated the ex's of A-list boy band celebs and yet everyone's impression of the woman I'm with is " librarian" or " schoolteacher". She's objectively plain, and I love her and think she's absolutely beautiful.

I definitely already go more for quality.

I don't do fat though, that's out. Also a horse girl would never make the list of women who'd make awesome wives.

If they were all fat I'd probably eventually just learn to love fat chicks.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2024-03-06T22:55:28+00:00

As a man who is not a 4/10 or lower but only gets attention from those women who are 4s due to women's inflated standards, I guess it would be nice to know which ones would be easy to deal with.

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2024-03-06T23:04:40+00:00

Attraction is a part of an intimate relationship so I would use those glasses to find the few I’m attracted to physically as well

Anonreddit96 · 2024-03-06T23:14:40+00:00

The only issue for me is the age factor and if they have any physical of mental disability. Other than that it wouldn't matter much to me as long as they are willing to work on themselves (I would be doing the same as well).

Coming to age, I probably won't be able to accept anyone above 2 years and below 6 years. Than my age. The compatibility will be too bad and the life journey would be Rocky and incomplete for either one of us.

wtknight · 2024-03-06T23:15:11+00:00

I'm sure there are some decent looking women who would make good enough wives. Aesthetics are important.

Sir_Spectacular · 2024-03-06T23:16:22+00:00

Weird hobbies / mild autism, aren't a turn off for me. I like intelligence, geekiness, and passion for weird hobbies, and I find social awkwardness endearing. Sadly, the looks issue is a bit of a problem for me. I don't need to date a supermodel, but I do have a strong preference for slimmer body types, so much so that I don't think I would want to date someone who was obese. Some guys do like their ladies a little thicker though, so don't think being a little heavy completely disqualifies you from love.

In any case, attraction is what it is, and if I wasn't physically attracted to a girl, I wouldn't date her, for the same reason I wouldn't date another man. I'd be open to a close friendship with someone I didn't find attractive, but I there would need to be a physical sexual attraction there for me to consider anything romantic. Sex and romance are intrinsically linked in my mind, and I don't think I'd be able to decouple the two or separate one form of attraction from the other. No amount of perfect wifeing on her part could make up for that.

Also, unless she's Ace, I don't think one of these hypothetical woman would be very happy dating me either. Women usually want to be desired by their partner, and would feel insecure if he wasn't into her. So not only is it lousy for me, but it's lousy for her too.

So, in that hypothetical goggles situation, I would probably stay single until I came across someone I found attractive enough to approach. There are millions of single women out there, and with the help of the goggles it would be easy to filter them. I'd just have to go to a convention, concert, or somewhere else densely packed with ladypeople and let the magic AR goggles do their work.

---

I'll add, mens standards for what they find attractive in women are far from strict. A 4/10 is actually a fairly normal score, and one I would probably be fairly happy with.

Keep in mind, these isn't like a math test back in school where anything less than 7/10 is bad... it's on a normal distribution. Going by the OKcupid stats, 50% of all women in the online dating pool, were rated below 5, and a based on the bell curve shape of the graph, a large majority would be found between 3 and 7, with only the rarest few being greater than 8, or lower than 3.

Plus, Outside of issues with weight, disfigurement, or severely unfortunate facial construction, attractiveness often just comes down to hair and makeup anyway. Even the hottest girls are probably a 4 on their bad days, when they're sleep deprived, not wearing makeup, dressed in a frumpy sweater, and have their hair up in a low effort bun... Those girls in the instagram photos you linked to could easily shine if they put enough effort into dolling themselves up and gave their looks more priority in their life. Even if they didn't, most single guys would at least consider dating a 4 who seemed to have a good personality otherwise.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2024-03-06T23:44:11+00:00

I don't want children so I would have fun and as much companionship as I could with the women I'm attracted to.

If I really, really wanted children I would settle for one of the unattractive women. What other choice would I have?

The example may be contrived, but somewhat illustrative of things that happen in reality. I think the other post was just trying to get women to admit the obvious. You're turning it around and asking men to admit the same obvious things. So I did. At least the thing about settling in order to have a family should be true for everyone who really wants that.

his_purple_majesty · 2024-03-06T23:44:48+00:00

For me 4/10 is defined as someone I find slightly off-putting aesthetically, so I'd probably pass on the "most loving" and go for a 6 who is still loving, just not the most loving.

thedarkracer · 2024-03-07T00:20:39+00:00

Fine by me. Sounds like an absolute win. Don't like the submissive thing though. She should be able to handle her own without me.

LimpJongUn · 2024-03-07T00:57:43+00:00

I would not wife them up. I cannot change what I am physically attracted to and nobody deserves an unwilling partner. I would not waste their time and I'd rather they be happy wives for someone who loves them.

Barely-moral · 2024-03-07T01:48:58+00:00

magine you had a pair of augmented reality glasses that show you who would be the best and most loving wife.

I will assume I am single in this hypothetical scenario.

You wear these glasses and see that most of the women who are recommended to you are unattractive.

Ok.

They have traits like being overweight and middle aged or being really weird looking or having a weird anime/ horse girl personality. They are all 4 and below. You will never be truly attracted to them, but they will treat you well and love you.

The question is... would they love me even if I was as before I improved myself/my position/my status/my job?

If the answer is yes, that is a small price to pay. If they expect me to be as I am today then the deal is not good.

They all have low n counts and aren’t hypergamous and are submissive and cook and clean. The younger ones are fertile and the overweight/ fat ones are working on their weight but aren’t there yet and are moving slowly.

See the question above.

How do you react? How do you come to terms with this?

If those women accept me and love me as I am and not as an ever performing slave-clown living a lifestyle I have no interest in just to not be alone... then I take any of them disadvantages and all.

If they expect me to be te ever performing slave-clown living a lifestyle I have no interest in just to not be alone then "attractive to me" is not negotiable.

Cool_Ranch_2511 · 2024-03-07T02:39:57+00:00

I'm not really an all or nothing kind of guy. I'd wife the best one up immediately if it was actually accurate, because some reliable benefits are better than none.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-03-07T08:42:25+00:00

Easy.

Compatibility on one axis, attractiveness on the other, put minimum value for each and go for a woman who's furthermost from minimums intersection point on 'positive' side of resulting graph or closest one on a 'negative' if there are none on 'positive'.

Comprehensive-Bed35 · 2024-03-07T09:13:08+00:00

I’ve been there once.

In my 20’s, I always dated up. Truth be told, my girlfriends were always girls hot enough to get more than what I had offer. I was in a popular local band, so I got a lot of ‘pretty privilege.’

But in my mid-20s I had-had it with all the bullshit that comes with hot girls. And there was a girl who had been hanging around the bar I tended that was obviously crushing all over me. But, she was a solid 5-6. I know that’s not quite a 4, but I’d say on her worst days she was pulling off a 4. Anyways, I did not find her all that attractive. And neither did most other guys. However, she was obviously solid gold girlfriend material. Loyal, loving, supportive, just an all-around best friend and lover. And she was a freak in the sack too! Other than being conventionally unattractive, she was an absolute sex dynamo! She never once said “No” and was always up for something adventurous. One thing we did……ya’ll wouldn’t believe me if I told you. But yeah, she was an absolutely amazing girlfriend for almost two years, and to this very day, she’s the best girlfriend I’ve ever had. I often think about the reality that if I could go back in time, I probably would have put a ring on her, and knocked her up, and gotten all close with her family and shit. But at the time I was so focused on the fact that I couldn’t find her all that attractive. The problem is that I had lots of options, so temptation was always knocking on my door. I’ve never cheated on a girl and I plan on going to the grave like that! So, there was no way I was ever going to cheat on her. But just the reality that I was constantly thinking about how badly I wanted to sleep with other women—and could. So I constantly thought about breaking up with her. And I finally did when I got the chance to move to Japan. Poor fucking girl. She was completely in love with me. And I loved her too. I just didn’t find her attractive.

It’s hard to say whether I made the right choice or whether I made a big mistake. On one side of the coin, I never had a woman that treated me that well, and was such a solid partner since her. On the other side of the coin, I’ve had an extremely adventurous and interesting life, that I wouldn’t have had had I stayed with her.

I feel like someone else who would hear the full story…..that it would be their job to decide whether or not I made a big mistake or made the right choice; because I think the answer to that question would change from person to person, and I don’t even know the answer for myself.

WanabeInflatable · 2024-03-07T10:20:23+00:00

This thought experiment implies that a good wife is chaste, submissive, cooks and cleans... Very traditional and outright objectivating approach. Not like sexual objectivation, but functional objectivating.

I'd rather tune this magic glasses to detect such things as responsibility, mental stability, respect, empathy and altruism. Anime personality is fun and overweight is not a problem as long as it doesnt negatively impact health.

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2024-03-07T10:32:38+00:00

I do cost benefit analysis and find the most attractive partner thats a match.

obviousredflag · 2024-03-07T11:41:05+00:00

I pick one of the hot young ones who are into me and show good potential, and then slowly guide and mentor her into becoming the best version of herself, which is also the best wife for me.

I'd sell the goggles to the first guy who is looking for unconditional love and a dog doesn't do it for him in the bedroom.

lolthankstinder · 2024-03-07T12:45:40+00:00

I tend to be more likely to find a woman physically attractive than vice versa so there is more likely to be overlap between quality and high physical attractiveness. Furthermore, I tend to find overweight/obese women very unattractive and that’s changeable with motivation and discipline. So, I wouldn’t doubt that these magical AR glasses would recommend overweight women and I’d just shrug and say bummer, if only they cared more about fitness and health.

meisterkraus · 2024-03-07T13:04:06+00:00

Soan overweight nerdy woman that is really into me and is also working on weight loss. Where do I sign up?

EveningEveryman · 2024-03-07T17:16:25+00:00

Does it matter? I've asked out some homely looking girls and they weren't interested in me in the first place.

nsfw_trapsarentgay · 2024-03-07T18:35:20+00:00

If they were the perfect wife they'd be interested in my sexual attraction and we would reciprocate. A perfect wife would also be interested in 3 ways. She wouldn't be jealous, she would be supportive, and loving.

So her being ugly and chubby wouldn't be a deal breaker if we were also having sex with other women because then you break even.

And if these were the last choices on earth, I would still be a loving husband and treat her with respect that she earns, and I would reciprocate all of this.

kvakerok_v2 · 2024-03-07T20:35:35+00:00

A better question to ask is not whether I come to terms with it, but rather: "what did society do to the 5s and above to fuck them up so much, they aren't wife material anymore?"

Another good question to ask is whether a society with a different culture produces 5s and above that are wife material.

I would immediately book a series of flights around the world.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-03-09T01:53:05+00:00

I think I'd rather suck start a 12 gauge... But the thing is most men arent 4s the men alot of women turn their noses up are upstanding dudes it's just you all want a specific lifestyle (like the ones depicted in social media) so this is a moot point... Women don't care about men.... Women only care about what they can get from men while giving as little as possible back

Upset_Material_3372 · 2024-03-09T12:30:44+00:00

Men don’t only except partners better then us we aren’t women so most would love this.

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Gary_Longbottom · 2024-03-06T21:52:40+00:00

I marry her and enroll her in a Zumba class.

AFuzzyMuffin · 2024-03-06T21:53:18+00:00

Uhh I would take the fat ones loosing weight. That shit is hot to me. Seeing someone go from fat to thin is amazing

Fun_Push7168 · 2024-03-06T22:07:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Silver_Past2313 · 2024-03-07T01:56:53+00:00

Things like being overweight and facial asymmetry are signals of issues like high mutational load and low self control. So it's not like the fat 4 is likely to be an amazing woman just without the looks. Looks are signals of things deeper.

RecreationalPorpoise · 2024-03-06T22:23:43+00:00

Wouldn’t really believe it, because I’ve already dated hot women and felt mutual attraction between us

WANT_SOME_HAM · 2024-03-07T00:05:28+00:00

You're literally describing the plot to They Live except instead of aliens you see Hentai fuck dolls.

WANT_SOME_HAM · 2024-03-07T00:07:14+00:00

This is literally the plot to They Live except instead of aliens you see Hentai fuck dolls

Also whenever someone puts the glasses on they're like "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

SlowEffective8146 · 2024-03-07T01:04:14+00:00

Men already know this without needing the magic AR glasses. I could find some random 4 woman and she'd bend over backwards to please me her whole life. And I would be miserable.

ThrowawayHomesch · 2024-03-07T18:00:36+00:00

You're telling me I won't find 3/10 and 4/10 women physically attractive?? How can you assume that?

Silver_Past2313 · 2024-03-07T01:59:12+00:00

Short answer is no because my ugly sons would be completely screwed in dating.

A thought experiment for men

Comments

Old men only want much younger women

Men’s values don’t decline with age, women’s do.

Title	A thought experiment for men
Author	Economy-Shake-1448
Upvotes	6
Comments	250
Date	March 6, 2024 9:27 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1b8bs9a/a_thought_experiment_for_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/a-thought-experiment-for-men.1426428 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426428