Would you be better than women at vetting guys?

AreOut · 2025-08-08T09:57:59+00:00

I think women are actually excellent at vetting guys, they just aren't attracted to the guys they have vetted...

Cultural-Ad-8486 · 2025-08-08T10:54:48+00:00

No, I would hardly check them better

The point is that men check men better because they do not feel lust and love for them, unlike women. And women check women better for the same reasons

Simply because if I were a woman, I would feel lust and love for men, which would cloud my judgment

And the same thing vice versa, if a woman became a man, she would check women poorly because she would feel love and lust for them

I am not angry at women who check men poorly and suffer because of it. I am angry only if women in this case do not admit their mistakes and continue to convince everyone that they actually have a misogynist detector built into their heads

EyesHaveHeard · 2025-08-08T13:21:22+00:00

I remember in school a girl in my class started dating a guy and every guy in our class told her there was something wrong with him. The girls told the guys they were just jealous/insecure or something like that. Later on it turned out he was a rapist.

My sister started dating a guy I told her there was something wrong with him. He turned out to be schizophrenic and had a manic episode where he just started screaming at her and left her in the middle of a parking lot at night.

Yea women have zero "intuition" actually

Popeoath · 2025-08-08T15:31:07+00:00

Do you really think that women have some defect that just manifests like this?

Clearly.

As a male I can spot bad people just fine.

Podlubnyi · 2025-08-08T11:05:39+00:00

Yes, because red flags, like criminality, violent tendencies, kids with multiple women, lack of gainful employment, heavy drinking or a history of drug abuse, are generally not that hard to spot. The issue is when tingles cause her to look past all the red flags.

YtBlue · 2025-08-08T10:05:24+00:00

Nope. Women are already very good at spotting the men who'd be good for them. They're just not attracted. Just like men they think with one head not the other

caption291 · 2025-08-08T12:39:45+00:00

I think that in general, I've been much better at predicting outcomes between various men and women than the average woman and it's not really close.

If a guy is attractive, women will not turn their brain off, they will turn it on as hard as possible to find a way to rationalize every red flag in existence...so it's not difficult to predict that a woman is going to get "tricked" or that the ugly guy is going to be "an asshole" in some way. aka he'll say hi instead of hello which obviously implies he drowns puppies for fun.

MistaCreepz · 2025-08-08T18:25:58+00:00

Its easy to vet people you don't wanna fuck, its that attraction that blinds you to their faults

growframe · 2025-08-08T10:16:12+00:00

Maybe. I'm not a woman. Based on my experiences as a man and the assumption that women are semi-rational, sentient beings capable of basic people-reading and deductive skills, I'd wager yes. But who knows.

Do you really think that women have some defect that just manifests like this?

No. Like I said earlier, I think women are perfectly capable of reason, deduction, and people reading. It's just a choice. I also don't think gamblers have some defect that blinds them to the dangers and risks of gambling, they just choose to ignore them because gambling is more important to them.

anonymousppd123123 · 2025-08-08T10:32:37+00:00

Yes. I vet men im hiring all the time and my gut is almost always right after at most 2 1hr conversations. At that point i should know if theyre intelligent, presentable, have the skills i need, hardworking, and if theyre a liar. My biggest problem on my team currently I knew was an asshole after 2 30 minute conversations. I picked him up as a favor to someone else and I was worried that how he acted in the first hour of meeting him would repeat. Which it is

So yeah, id be better and I know it. I could probably give you a list of 5 first date questions that would make most assholes reveal themselves if I spent some time thinking about it. Some way to force an edge case to see if they're honest to you or telling you what you want to hear should be in there

No_Self_2165 · 2025-08-08T10:33:58+00:00

Absolutely 100%, not even 99%.

Also I don’t think women are bad at detecting shitty men, they don’t have control over their arousal and they overlook red flags.

That’s why they keep pushing men to change (they wouldn’t feel attracted to the same men if they would change tho ironically) not take accountability for their poor choices.

Edit: I might have exaggerated on 100% part tho, surely I would vet better

IgorXY · 2025-08-08T10:08:13+00:00

I think so, yes. I have been dealing with narcissistic manipulative assholes my whole life, it is easy to recognize one after speaking with them for some time.

Do you really think that women have some defect that just manifests like this?

Not really defect, but there are some things that make it harder for some women:

Internalized misogyny: being conditioned to tolerate bad behaviour from men, something they could have seen in their families.
Confusing emotional rollercoaster with excitement: could be true for some men, but all guys I know value stability and somewhat predictability.
High physical requirements: limited dating pool, if you don't want to compromise on looks you have to toerate some red flags.

ConstipatedAvocado · 2025-08-08T11:18:52+00:00

Quite frankly, yeah.

And its not simply about "vetting", its about standards and how one is raised. My parents were pretty gung ho about us not dating people who would take advantage of us. I'm married to a pretty girl from a good family whose very feminine and my sister has been with the same guy since she was a teenager whose a good dude. A doctor currently studying for his PHD. They're attractive people, but they dont look like influencers.

The problem I see a lot of women have (especially in the west) is that they're not honest with themselves. They'll place average decent dudes in the beta bucks bracket, claim that the bar is in hell and that men are misogynistic and then you'll see them on a Friday night getting drunk and going home with any random dude whose remotely decent looking and can string a few complimentary sentences together. Its funny because there's actually a real desperation from a lot of women. But you have to be somewhat hip to women's behaviours to see it. A lot either just play the field or chase emotionally unavailable (but popular) guys in their 20s up until their "wall" approaches and then they desperately try and latch onto the first guy with an ounce of stability and strong future prospects. Women/people who are actually successful a lot of the time dont operate like that. They're often in committed relationship by their mid twenties, engaged by their late twenties and married and popping out kids by their 30s. They also tend to be ideologically consistent. They wont be chasing men out of their league and, if their standards are high, they're ensuring they're in the right environments to seek out what they desire. Hence they're often meeting their partners in college/social circles and less likely to be on dating sites for extensive periods of time.

90% of the women I see with endless horror stories are often perpetually on dating sites, reaching their 30s without having a single committed relationship, are overweight and take little care of their appearance beyond makeup and are often preoccupied with the dating lives of celebrities whilst chasing guys who often have a variety of choice among a number of potential partners.

Hard_Corsair · 2025-08-08T12:48:37+00:00

What do you mean by "average woman"? Is it average looking? Average income? Average upper body strength? Average intellect? Either no neurodivergence or an average amount? If you change some of these things then I'm not me anymore.

If we translate me to a woman as 1:1 as possible then I'm much better at it than most women. It has nothing to do with my gender and everything to do with having clinically high intelligence that made me both "gifted and talented" as well as "disruptive" as a child going through the public education system. That trait and the experiences derived from it are central to who I am, and it means that as an adult I can solve a problem like vetting a suitor by throwing a very not-average amount of cognition at a comprehensive analysis process.

KayRay1994 · 2025-08-08T13:15:16+00:00

Most men are absolutely awful at vetting women too - so unless he’s already really good at that, I doubt it

Trancetastic16 · 2025-08-08T13:27:58+00:00

Most women are skilled at vetting.

I’m confident in saying that I’m able to effectively do so for myself as well, yes, despite being Autistic and lacking much relationship experience.

Here’s my arguments:

I am low income, and was already exposed to low income cultures and navigating the increased rates of mental illness, drug abuse and crime within those populations including when dealing with family/friends who were. It makes it easier and quicker to detect those red flags in other’s.
Us Autistic folk can sometimes even be better at detecting manipulative folk because we focus more on the substance of what they’re saying instead of trusting in superficial charm.
I am also extremely direct about my feelings and incompatibilities, which helps people feel comfortable with my presence and those who are looking for something different to be open about that. I try to be so good at wearing my heart on my sleeve as a method to also intentionally put-off those who would try and use me by annoying them with my full self as much as possible, to the point they can’t even tolerate it in the time it would take to use me. Including also:
I am extremely independent-minded and am very slow to send nude photos, engage in sex chat or sexual activity in general. As a Bisexual person, it’s easy for me to make men wait on my time and filter out guys who would ever pressure me for that.

macromastseeker · 2025-08-08T18:10:45+00:00

Do I have my man brain? The one that can distinguish the difference between how something LOOKS and it's aesthetics and how it IS, it's substance?

statsfodder · 2025-08-08T09:49:26+00:00

Yes, for the same reason men suck at vetting women and (straight) women could vet women better ..

The little head doesn't override the big head ;)

wtknight · 2025-08-08T12:11:38+00:00

Yes, because I think that withholding sex is the best way to determine every man’s true character, and that’s something that I would be willing to do as a woman. Women often don’t withhold sex because of feminist cultural messaging that says that sex is empowering, because they are trying to hook a guy out of their league, or because they are just plain horny for some guy.

James_M_Croft · 2025-08-08T14:27:37+00:00

If I had been born a woman and lived as it my whole life? probably not.

Much of women's failure, be it in vetting or in life in general is due to the fact that 99% of women's interactions are a bubble of lies, built to keep them away from any negative experiences and more willing to have no string attached sex with authorities.

Even those "radical rebel feminists" do not see that all of their work is just to create an environment where women lower wages, and have easy sex to capitalists.

More and more I see that men are the only ones to see issue of "bad men" and not fall for shallow representations of goodness is because only really men deal with "real world adversity". They need to avoid issues at every corner, scams, violent men, and everything. While women who rarely see anything of it, can't see even when the guy is literally punching their heads in.

It may even explain why women are so interested in drama, creating problems and creating mental illnesses to themselves. In a life so easy you are spared from basically any adversity. You crave something like this just to feel anything.

UnfurtletDawn · 2025-08-08T11:20:56+00:00

I would absolutely be better.

I would pretty much be vetting them the same way as I do with women.

Smoker? Bye

Drinks alcohol often? Bye

Gambling? Bye

Useless? Bye

Dumb? Bye

Unemployed for a long period of time? Bye

Poor spending habits? Bye

You would be surprised at the amount of women that are flexing with how much alcohol they drink.

Exciting_Baseball982 · 2025-08-08T12:03:37+00:00

No, I think women vet perfectly, just for different outcomes.

Women aren’t bad at vetting.
They’re great at it, when it comes to filtering for emotionally stimulating men, not reliably good partners.

Most women aren’t subconsciously selecting for stability.
They’re selecting for feelings:
“He makes my heart race.”
“He’s mysterious.”
“It just feels different with him.”

That’s not a defect. That’s design.
The error is pretending they’re aiming for loyalty and choosing the most loyal sounding liar, instead of admitting they like the emotional chaos.

“If you were an average woman, do you think you would be good at vetting men?”
If I were an average woman, I’d be on TikTok talking about "vibes" and letting Chad the bartending crypto coach ruin my self esteem for 3 years before tweeting "never settle 💅"

The issue isn’t vetting skill.
It’s criteria.

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2025-08-08T16:46:01+00:00

Yes. Women will ignore red flags if a man has money and is attractive. Men look for red flags in women, especially if they are attractive. Attractive women have the most red flags.

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AMC2Zero · 2025-08-08T11:26:03+00:00

I could vet in terms of the basics like no criminal record, basic hygiene, good finances and not terrible to be around. A good way to somewhat vet for personality is seeing how they treat people they don't see as romantic options.

I can't determine if someone is a good option, but I can know for sure if they're a bad one.

It's easier to vet someone when you feel no emotional connection to them and there's nothing at stake.

But this doesn't factor in deeper social traits like personality because I'm terrible at deciphering those myself.

More importantly though, looks are still the biggest factor because if someone isn't at least OK looking, they aren't going anywhere and I can't decide who is attractive to someone else.

The biggest risk with this approach is I can find someone who has the above qualities but might not be a good fit or worse, they turn out to be abusive and I'm partially to blame for it even though I didn't know at the time.

Funnily enough, most of the men and women in my own family fail these checks but I can't do anything about other people's poor decisions skills and I've made some questionable ones myself (but at least I've stayed out of prison).

treadmarks · 2025-08-08T15:45:38+00:00

So if I was a different person, would I be as good as vetting somebody as the person I currently am? That sounds highly unlikely.

Aromatic-Following98 · 2025-08-08T16:19:31+00:00

Personally I think it's incredibly easy

70% of it is a resume review. Literally send me your resume. 20% of it is a 2 minute review of the man and woman's photos to make sure they're looks matched or if he's unequally successful he can date 2 points better in looks.

5% is making sure cultural needs match

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-08-08T16:33:50+00:00

The the flaw in women’s vetting for men is in both their inability to correctly judge their own desirability and to try to match that in a partner, having a parter who is much rarer and more desirable is a major incompatibility.

BashFish · 2025-08-08T16:55:09+00:00

I think we all know that women know the guys are bad, but they say fuck it, let's have fun, devil may care, I know this is bad but it will be good and who knows he might commit

like as a guy it seems completely obvious who is a fuckboy and who isn't. I do believe women are even better at quicky gauging people (you all talk about getting harassed since puberty etc.), so unless you're complete blinded by the halo effect then yeah you know, but you do a risk/reward which comes up in credit. the complaining afterwards is venting, coping, reputational repair (I'm not loose; he tricked me!), etc.

if I was hot/a girl I'd do the same though

TempDong · 2025-08-08T17:16:08+00:00

Yeah easily. I said in a different comment that there are men I've chosen to avoid because they come off as assholes or creeps. Those did not in any way translate to lack of success with women.

I've also "vetted" my share of women out of my dating pool without regard to their looks which is where a lot of people fail.

SecondEldenLord · 2025-08-08T17:25:58+00:00

I don't think they are bad at vetting guys, they just intentionally ignore it cause they are attracted to them. They create exception for men they are attracted to.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-08-08T17:33:25+00:00

Tbh I don't know. Any vetting tentative will end up badly the moment I fall in love as a woman (I know a bit this is harder for women). I would do the same as what I do as a man: I will have my friends/family help in the vetting process

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2025-08-08T18:06:29+00:00

Let me put it this way: you know the bully in a college sports team that will physically abuse people? If I slept with him, he might be violent. If I slept with his girlfriend, she’d probably be pleasant. Women just aren’t that violent. If you have what they want, they’ll probably be extremely nice to you (including how the guy who’s a bully would act around his friends, but it depends on if he’s feeling like a psychopath that day).

Terrible people can be very charming. You have to give them very little leverage over you, and behave in a very pleasant way relative to their expectations. Whoever their “out group” is will be treated like crap. Their “in group” is usually treated better.

Fun_Push7168 · 2025-08-08T18:13:43+00:00

If I was a woman I'd vet like a woman obviously, so no.

Could I vet for one 10x better than she can...yeah, in most cases.

DGenerationMC · 2025-08-08T18:35:40+00:00

I don't think so but I also wouldn't have a cavalier attitude about it.

Barely-moral · 2025-08-08T19:28:10+00:00

Would you be better than women at vetting guys?

I believe I would be.

If you were an average woman, with all that it entails, do you think you would be good in vetting men?

If "all that it entails" includes their inability to vet properly then I would not be good. But I don't believe that inability comes from having x x chromosomes.

I see lots of times here than men think women just really bad at it

Considering that women intimate break up and divorces at a higher rate and also have more options to pick from it is a reasonable conclusion.

and I wonder do you really not see why this happens?

I don't. I have theories but I am not sure what happens to almost all women that make them awful at vetting.

Do you really think that women have some defect that just manifests like this?

I believe there is something common in the life experiences and incentive structures women live in/have that make most of them awful at vetting but I am not sure what it is.

I am open to an explanation if anyone has one.

CommissionAny5421 · 2025-08-08T19:46:29+00:00

I think only to the degree that 'bad men' dont hide their toxicity from other men. I frequently hear comments from other men that gross me out or make me question their character, but they dont expose themselves to the women they're dating or sleeping unless some shit storm hits the fan. And if they're good with women, they can just jump to the next woman.

The men i know with the highest body counts, are by far the most misogynistic and womanizing people i have ever met, but they know how 'play women'.

Kreeps_United · 2025-08-09T01:14:26+00:00

It's not a man/woman thing, it's a blindspots thing. If there is anything wrong with women vetting it's that they think they have men all figured out.

Imagine a sheep going around saying it knows more about wolves than wolves themselves.

midnight_blue77 · 2025-08-09T02:58:33+00:00

Yes, for the same reason that dogs are better at spotting and then taking care of jackals than the sheep. Even though the dog is a completely different breed, it still recognizes it's own kind through the same predatory instincts.

Women's blind spot is that they are hopelessly verbal whereas men are primarily visual. We literally see other predators and sub-par men out on the field without ever even speaking to them. By their gait, their slouch, swagger, their mannerisms, their actions not jiving with their talk, etc. All things that women don't see because they are solely focused on what is said and ignore what is seen.

Albedo200 · 2025-08-09T05:00:23+00:00

Yes, recently a female friend of mine was seeing a guy and telling me all about how he behaved and what he said on their date. From the very beginning i told her he is a red flag but she still continued seeing him. She kept talking about his behavior along the way too and i also continued saying how shady he was..... Needless to say, it ended very poorly

CarHungry · 2025-08-09T12:13:03+00:00

I don't think this question makes sense. If I woke up tomorrow with female anatomy, I'd still be attracted to women. However if you look at gay men's relationships there's less abuse and divorce statistically.

I think if the roles were totally reversed to the point where men had an upper hand sexually, I think that men would just gravitate to hotter (and maybe dumber) women, not necessarily abusive or violent, as that's stereotypically a masculine trait.

shadowrangerfs · 2025-08-09T13:18:03+00:00

I think men are better at vetting men because of our similar life experience. We know what it's like to be a man because we are men. We know the tricks that men pull because some of us have pulled them. We know the lies that men tell because some of us have told them. We're going to notice the red flags that women don't.

I think it works the other way around as well. I'm confident that women are much better at identifying bad women than men are.

mrlunes · 2025-08-09T14:38:19+00:00

Men can see things women can’t because they lived as a man and know the secrets. Men speak more freely to other men about their true feeling, the stuff they wouldn’t dare say to a woman.

If I was a woman, I would lack the insight knowledge of how men behave.

Anti_Thing · 2025-08-11T14:56:13+00:00

Overall, no. I'm diagnosed with NVLD, which is similar to Asperger's/high-functioning autism. I'm naturally bad at reading people. Women with such conditions tend to be victims of abuse.

I'm good at vetting people in terms of the values they publicly claim to hold, but bad at vetting people in terms of what their true intentions are & what they're actually like deep inside. I think that this would also be the case if I were a woman.

Routine_Condition273 · 2025-08-12T22:27:29+00:00

Absolutely. It wouldn't be hard either. Confidence is one of the biggest traits women look for, whether consciously or not, and as soon as you tune that out, you get a lot better at picking people. I'd go as far as to say that vetting for less confident men would yield better results.

Not all confident people are assholes, but all assholes are confident. You need loads of confidence to be always assuring yourself that your bad deeds won't go unpunished or unnoticed.

ViolentShallot · 2025-08-08T10:40:27+00:00

The question is ambiguous.

"If you were someone you aren't, with all the wiring of someone who isn't you"

No. I wouldn't. If I was an average woman, I'd vet exactly like an average woman.

It's like asking "If you were an average albatross, with all that it entails, would you get more or less fish than the average albatross?"

Advencctv · 2025-08-08T16:54:20+00:00

Women actively talk about how they ignore red flags internationally. Their problem isn’t vetting it’s that they don’t care about anything they aren’t physically attracted to.

MalePsychopath · 2025-08-08T12:00:24+00:00

If I were a woman, I would have a female brain and female sexuality. I would think and feel like a woman.

This would make me a selfish, solipsistic herd animal that tries to dodge accountability whenever possible.
I wouldn’t be attracted to good men. I’d find tall, hot, violent assholes attractive.

Of course I would suck at vetting men.

Findol272 · 2025-08-08T10:34:13+00:00

Probably. I think men tend to be a bit more aware of dangers from men than women are. I think mostly because women largely don't expect violence because they are mostly excluded from violence. ("You don't hit women"). Because of this, I think men are trained to get a feel for other men and to gauge risks better.

I also assume that it would be easier for me to evaluate "men" hobbies and occupations to see if they were red flags or not. So, a woman might write off all of "playing video games" as a red flag, but it might be easier for me, as I'm more familiar with video games to know the difference in a guy who plays League 3 hours every night and a guy who plays old school rpgs and is active in the emulation community etc. etc. This also goes to being more attuned to how men express their emotions in nonverbal ways etc.

berichorbeburied · 2025-08-08T10:12:23+00:00

Yea because I’m not attracted to men. So it would literally be the easiest thing to do. Vetting is simple. I’d have like a 90% - 100% vetting rate.

kvakerok_v2 · 2025-08-08T15:59:12+00:00

Absolutely. This is why it's important to have straight friends of the opposite sex who can vet for you, when you're attracted to someone.

abaxeron · 2025-08-08T17:29:21+00:00

If you were an average woman,

If I magically swapped minds with my alternate-universe female self, I would absolutely be better than women at vetting guys, because I know superficial nonsense like arm shape and chin protrusion have zero impact on how well a guy can do oral.

If I was reborn as an average woman with my memory erased, I would be just as bad as an average woman.

Do you really think that women have some defect that just manifests like this?

Both men and women have specific maladaptations. The difference is, men are told they are monsters basically from birth; women are told they are perfect goddesses (I am oversimplifying to make a point). The former causes men to either mentally break, or develop a certain level of self-awareness and introspection; the latter causes nothing but to follow one's very unreliable guts.

GhostXmasPast342 · 2025-08-09T07:55:06+00:00

Absolutely! I have told women friends about some POS narcissist that they were dating, dismissed by her, and I was V&V to be correct at a time later. On the side of the coin, I stopped having that conversation and just let it play out. They never listened anyway and just wasted my energy, mental health, and humanity. It’s been 10227 days without an incident.

Title	Would you be better than women at vetting guys?
Author	Lemon_gecko
Upvotes	20
Comments	234
Date	August 8, 2025 9:43 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1mkquo1/would_you_be_better_than_women_at_vetting_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-be-better-than-women-at-vetting-guys.1559137 https://theredarchive.com/post/1559137

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