What are some things good men do that are turn off for women?

darla10 · 2019-09-24T19:39:32+00:00

They think their own masculinity is problematic and actively suppress it. It’s very off putting.

kandyapplez · 2019-09-24T18:48:00+00:00

not presenting themselves as sexualized beings

i dont care how good you are on paper, you need to actually build sexual tension it doesn't just happen spontaneously through repeated interaction

DoneBeenHadBeenDone · 2019-09-24T19:37:27+00:00

Im ready to get burned at the stake for this one...but it's fucking TRUE. And there's lots of men, and women who know exactly what I'm talking about...

I think most men with "good heads on their shoulders" have the misfortune of attracting opportunistic, unstable women. She might need the steady provider, but she doesn't really want it. This breed of woman will languish in the stable environment you've provided for her. She'll get bored. She might have needs that you can't provide. Like the rush of being beaten, drugged up, boozed up, used for sex, ect. The world doesn't offer women a lot of stimulation. Many women don't find romance, weddings, or spending large portions of their time with small children any more stimulating than the average man does. She might want all that, simply for the status it gives to a woman, but she'll be unsatisfied when the new wears off. If she's too dumb or lazy to channel her impulses into a career or hobby... Then other men, booze, and drugs are just a finger snap away. This leaves good men like you, and many of your friends, I bet, wondering why your beloved is constantly wrecking the house, her body, and your relationship. It's not you, it's her. Some women just need chaos. I myself was subjected to it as a child, by my own mother, and now I absolutely do seek stable men who I know won't terrorize me. My husband thinks I'm a god-send because so many women in his life have been high-chasers. And I can rest easy knowing he would bore to death most of the women who go for him, because he's not an abusive psycho. Before I get flamed, I'm a woman myself, not some red-pill sexist douche-canoe, and of course not ALL women are like this. But I'll bet my left tit there's guys in here who know exactly what I'm talking about. If you're a woman, and you don't get it, that's probably a good thing. So yea, just keep being you. Do NOT attempt to stimulate them. Don't let a woman like this drag you down, until you're the temperamental, angry asshole she wants you to be. The best thing to do with these women is give them the keys to the street. A real woman will be thankful for you, as you are.

Suki100 · 2019-09-24T20:52:31+00:00

Too many "good men" undervalue sexually pleasing their partners, dominance and being able to make changes without the woman nudging them along. Lots of good men overlook self reflection and wait for the woman to encourage them to "level up". This applies to more romance, a better job, nicer looks etc...

geyges · 2019-09-24T19:58:41+00:00

For me, I'd say when guys ask to do stuff like kiss, hold hands, etc.

Like, I legitimately married an autistic dude. He will be the first to admit it's really hard for him to read people. He still made the effort to read my signals and took a risk on whether or not he was interpreting them correctly. He just went for a kiss on our first date and I thought it was really sexy and manly.

But I dated a few other nerdy awkward men before him, and they would do this whole, "Can I kiss you?" deal and it was a major turn-off for me.

That being said, I think the whole feminist movement is making it harder for men to just make moves. Consent is important, but come on ladies, you're not gonna be traumatized by a guy misreading signals and planting an unwanted kiss on you, especially if you're on a date where you know to expect that sort of thing.

I'm not mad at guys who ask, because I get why they do it. But it is a lot sexier and manlier when dudes just go for it.

TrueReligionGenes · 2019-09-24T22:25:15+00:00

Good men are often not dominant, aggressive, and strong. These are invaluable masculine traits. They are less important in modern society, but in the jungle they are the difference between life and death.

Littleknownfacts · 2019-09-24T19:06:02+00:00

I think Kandyapplez nailed it with not escalating. But in addition to that...

Getting too caught up in "the principle" of the thing or some internal moral code that most people aren't on the same page about. For example, guys who think women who wear make up are lying - even a woman who didn't wear make up would find that off putting. Or that women who use social media are doing it for attention. I mean yeah, they 100% are, but that's normal human female behavior.

Edit for spelling.

goatismycopilot · 2019-09-24T19:59:06+00:00

I am not sure there is a a set of universal good man traits that turn me off, it is how they treat me. So a man who thinks he is "good" but is shitty to me is not a good guy. I don't really divide the man world up into good guy/bad guy I divide it up in how they act toward me and others and they have to connected.

itsweiners · 2019-09-24T22:23:38+00:00

I really dislike it when a guy continues to bring conversations back to my looks or consistently compliments me. Yes I want to feel wanted but I want you to see me for beyond my looks? It gives off the vibe that you want me more as show pony rather than a companion. It’s also boring! I have seen guys that are actually funny and interesting to talk to become like this in a romantic setting and it rubs me the wrong way. And this is coming from someone who sincerely does love attention from their partner. I even enjoy spontaneous compliments but it can’t be the ONLY thing you ever talk about.

we-are-men-with-ven · 2019-09-24T21:53:29+00:00

I haven't ever been 'turned off' by niceness. But there have been lots of occasions where I didn't date a lovely man because either A) I wasn't looking for a relationship at that time and didn't want to lead him on or B) I just didn't have chemistry with him - which is something visceral that I cant explain.

This is just me though, I would rather have long spats of singledom and sluttery than a number of back to back short term relationships. Some women are the opposite, They will have a 6month relationship followed by a 2 year one and then a 2month one and so on. I have only had one 7year relationship and my current 3 year one, in-between those I was single for a while and just slutting it up.

bluehorserunning · 2019-09-24T22:24:27+00:00

I don't think that there are 'good' traits that are turnoffs, but a lot of good guys aren't flashy and it takes more time and getting to know them to appreciate those qualities. This is really a disadvantage in the age of Tinder.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-09-24T21:21:06+00:00

Some genuinely good men are timid in bed. They are afraid to disrespect or hurt a woman and so they lack the raw sex appeal that a more dominant man has. You can still be a good guy and toss your gal onto a mattress and ravish her, guys.

iLiveInAHologram · 2019-09-24T21:39:13+00:00

When they call me gorgeous and babe too early on. It seems like false intimacy to me even though I think he’s really just trying to be sweet.

LillthOfBabylon · 2019-09-24T22:13:07+00:00

For me, its sex appeal. I’m dealing with this guy right now that has a really soft voice. I can handle a receding hairline and balding, but I can’t handle a soft voice. I have a loud voice and I need someone to have a loud voice with me.

2019-09-24T21:34:31+00:00

IMO good is kind of like, a baseline personality trait for people that you want to interact with, but there NEEDS to be other personality traits on top of that.

Like, hasn’t everybody known that one person who’s personality was “they are nice”? And that person was completely uninteresting otherwise? Obviously, everybody is interesting to some people, but you have to make sure that the basis of your personality is being a good person and the REST of your personality is based on other things, like hobbies and interests that exist within your set of values but aren’t about them necessarily.

So for me it would never be the “good” part of a good guy that would be a turnoff, it would be their other personality traits.

I think my boyfriend is a good guy, he’s friendly and nice to people and really invests in the people around him. He’s kind of a “rising tide lifts all boats” kind of guy and wants everybody to do better together.

But I didn’t start dating him because of that, I wanted to date him because he was fun and exciting and knew how to make me feel amazing and knew about everything.

Being “nice” or “good” is just a prerequisite for the rest of the personality.

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-09-24T19:03:37+00:00

Not being fun, and being judgmental. Don’t make a woman feel like she has to provide all of the entertainment by herself. And don’t make her defensive

philomexa · 2019-09-24T19:11:21+00:00

Boring, inhibited, teetotaler, passion less, basic interests and hobbies, humorless, zero artistic talent, zero style and personality.

ETA: I'm fairly certain I'm deeply repulsed by whatever you imagine a 'good man' to be.

SqueaksScreech · 2019-09-25T00:24:12+00:00

When they can't take no for an answer and keep insisting they pay. Like bruh let me pay for my shit. I get it you're trying to be nice but no I can pay myself I don't need you paying for the entire table because these cheap fucks like taking advantage of y'all.

I see them get in relationships where the other person is so bored because there's no drama and will find shit to bitch about. Poor dude so confuse what happen and doesn't understand..

AggravatingTartlet · 2019-09-25T09:12:24+00:00

Touching me on a first date. Just ugh. If I suspect you're trying to guide me toward sex, I'm out of there. All I need to be turned on is your cute face, the sound of your voice, your intelligent conversation. If you put your hand on my knee, I'm wondering if everything about you is just an act.

Lack of touch after we're living together. Some men forget to build sexual tension like they did when we were dating. They say they don't know what you mean, but they sure do, because they did it like crazy when they were pursuing you. If you let the tension die, then all is lost at sea. Sex becomes flotsam and jetsam floating on a nameless ocean.

What I mean by tension is attention - lots and lots of attention. As soon as they take you for granted, or worse, treat you like you're their mother, it's over.

But don't give up your hobbies or friends when we start dating. I don't want or need that. Keep pursuing your hobbies with the same passion you did when we met. Don't worry, I'll still be here. I hate it when guys do that.

Put women down. If you snark about single mothers or call women sluts or say sexist stuff, I've lost respect for you. And yes, 'good guys' do that sometimes and don't realize it. It makes me think that the guy hasn't read enough history and has thought enough about the world.

But don't automatically say 'woman-centric' things because you think that's what good guys do. I want you to think for yourself and read books and read history and be educated.

When a man doesn't let me in on any of his inner thoughts and feelings. It's frustrating and boring and leads to lack of closeness. If you're worried you're going to get fired at work or you're pissed off at someone at work or you feel like you're getting nowhere in life - tell me. I want to know those things.

Don't keep complimenting me when we are first dating. Don't keep telling me I'm beautiful and sexy and amazing. I already know ;) ;) All it makes me think is that you are needy or trying to make you like you.

mistresswhat · 2019-09-24T19:11:48+00:00

I'm asking the women who are turned off by good men.

The existence and prevalence of these women is mostly a terp fairytale. There are some women who are very specifically attracted to traits common in shitty people, in the more extreme cases almost always as a result of past abuse. Women who are generally "turned off by good guys" aren't really a thing unless you're defining "good guys" in some weird way where it actually means "total squares who are also very meek."

Anyway, they can mess up the same ways anyone else does with dating, although there are probably a few traps they're less likely to fall into -- a "good guy" probably thinks about other people enough to not chatter endlessly about himself during a date without asking any questions. Although some people do that when they're nervous, so. Maybe being too affectionate too early on, although that's also something abusive men do on purpose.

Yeah, I'm going with "this question is too black and white."

sublimemongrel · 2019-09-24T19:36:11+00:00

Genuinely “good men” have never done anything to turn me off besides doormattish/supplicating behavior which your OP says you’re not talking about.

I suppose for some women, maybe they are not exciting enough if I had to speculate.

THE_ANGRY_SHARTER · 2019-09-24T19:58:13+00:00

Being cheap and undecisive. Being flaky and unassertive

sunshine666666 · 2019-09-24T19:04:54+00:00

Whining. Bad hygiene.

rivertorain____ · 2019-09-24T19:42:30+00:00

I feel like you have to find someone who’s crazy matches your crazy. I’m extroverted and kinda high energy. I’ve been on dates with morally “good” men who are just not my type, personality-wise; they’re too shy and vanilla. I don’t exactly like the complete opposite either but I guess there’s a middle ground that I look for.

xiaodre · 2019-09-24T21:41:57+00:00

Agreed. They don't drink to excess or do drugs to excess, or perhaps at all. Worse than that? They are the R word. So they might not be 'spontaneous' with blowing off their job as the fairer sex would like. Just imo from the other side..

ontherailstoday · 2019-09-25T03:57:37+00:00

Goodness, when it reaches the level of being someone's identity, is often smugly self satisfied and also doesn't seem to have space in it for people who aren't "good" in precisely the same way as the person who sees themselves as good? I mean think about it... we've all know someone be HORRIFIED by something quite ordinary and commonplace. OMG you got given ten bucks too much change and when you worked it out you didn't walk half a kilometre back to the shop and correct the matter! You dropped that cupcake on the floor and then picked it up and ate it anyway! You lied to your boss to get a day off work!

Also some self described "good" people are more accurately described as people who don't do bad things because they are too scared to. Which... doesn't always mean they think the bad things are that bad and doesn't mean they are doing any significant level of good things.

You've got to be careful around those with serious levels of commitment to goodness just like you're well advised to be careful around those with serious levels of commitment to badness.

puluvero · 2019-09-25T08:59:09+00:00

(Single ones) Never having the balls to actually approach women yet thinking women should be throwing themselves at them because they’re “good men” .

aqua_soul · 2019-09-28T03:55:35+00:00

Women aren't turned off my good men they are turned off by guys that have no interests, no redeemable qualities and just agree with you to get you into bed. Sparks comes from friction and being an interesting person within themselves.

Bekiala · 2019-09-24T19:01:39+00:00

These episodes seem like obvious "do not do this" but it happened. The men I'm mentioning were over 25, educated and from relatively good backgrounds.

- one decent guy with lots going for him told me a woman he himself had had sex with was immoral. Big big red flag.

-Another pretty decent guy who was a friend of my roommates' but I didn't personally know very well, called me at the end of a tough day at work for me and chewed me a new one for not putting more effort into our relationship.

-General thing that is a turn off for me are guys who go into great detail about something gross: dog crap, vomit or who like to talk about genitals. There are probably women who are fine with this but it isn't something I like to talk about or hear about so I generally find somewhere else to be.

Barneysparky · 2019-09-24T19:42:33+00:00

Being too clean-cut and rigid in your life. Men with OCD, I would guess need to date someone who also lives by rigid rules and dates. I'm a pot smoker and I love a good beer after work. Although my house is clean, my "nest", has minimalistic clutter and I like it that way.

Prosperity churches, alt-right, anyone who goes against my value system may have a seat at my table but not my bed. Moderates are fine, my husband has historically voted PC, and we do have differences of opinions, but he believes as I do that all people are equal.

Doesn't like me besides my sex parts, instant turn off. I know some of you guys think only about sex when it comes to women unless you're the type of player who those women go for (who are a small segment of women) it shows eventually. I had sex only with guys I hung out with and really knew, who had shared their lives with me to some degree. I would say any guy looking for a random was always a turn off for me.

Guys who take up too much space in the room. Lots of girls fall for those guys, and guys fall for those girls also, who just need to be the center of attention. I've found in both sexes that's a red flag for histrionics for living with people who believe the world revolves around them.

Soft is ok, obese is a deal-breaker. Jocks are gross there is nothing secy about vienny hard muscles. Skinny with just a little muscle was my husband at 30, I will forever have wife googles that see that body when I look at him.

Weird lips. Most people's lips are just ugly to me. It's the one facial deal breaker I have, no lip is fine but " weird lips" by only my definition that might mean big or not are the only facial deal breaker I have, except for no chin, but guys are lucky they can grow beards so they can work around it.

Ugly hair could be a deal-breaker. The guy can be bald, but he's got to know what to do with the rest of his heads hair to make an attractive package.

slavicgypsygirl · 2019-09-25T01:12:33+00:00

The good men I have dated were predictable, safe & conservative which is the opposite of me

WarrenGFarting · 2019-09-24T19:10:39+00:00

Exist

lmSoBored · 2019-09-24T19:52:38+00:00

Not escalating fast enough. This one used to bite me in the ass ALL THE TIME. I used to think that trying to have sex with a girl was "not respecting them", and that I should wait X amount of dates before making a move.

Case in point -- back in college, I met this girl in a dance class who was instantly very into me. I thought she was cute too and I wanted to date her. We went out a couple times and she would always be hitting me up and looking absolutely ecstatic whenever she saw me. One night, I took her to a formal event as my date. We were drinking and having an amazing time... at the end of the night she invited me to her room. While she sat on her bed, I sat on a chair across the room from her. After chatting for a bit I told her goodnight and left... didn't make a single move that night. She never talked to me again after that.

ToraChan23 · 2019-09-24T20:52:12+00:00

- Not standing up for himself and cowtowing to everything she does in a misguided attempt to brownie score points

- Limiting his potential for her comfort

- Confusing confidence in himself for arrogance, thus not showing outward confidence

- Let himself go in terms of physical attractiveness

- Not using the word "no"

LotBuilder · 2019-09-24T21:06:43+00:00

People mistake “good head on their shoulders” for being boring AF. You don’t have to be a hoodlum or rock star to not be boring.

I rag on women pretty hard in this sub but the pity party from uninteresting guys needs to stop. Women owe you nothing. You know their nature yet you complain about it rather than understand it and adjust your approach (RP) or say screw it and ignore them (MGTOW).

MoodyBrizo · 2019-09-25T01:29:19+00:00

Be good men.

Manny1400 · 2019-09-25T18:05:53+00:00

Quite honestly, I was ALWAYS a "good guy" or even a "nice guy" (even though that carries a negative connotation)

What did that mean? Not using pick-up lines or acting like a dbag. Not looking for one-night-stands, or doing pump-and-dumps. Not ridiculing or putting down women in some effort to seem disinterested or edgy.

I had standards for myself and my women. Once I did get a date, I started with some coffee, and if that worked out, we would go to an opera or a nice dinner. Maybe a picnic. No going dutch.

I made sure I looked nice for my dates: no fucking baseball caps, sleeveless shirts, etc. I dressed like a mature adult and a guy with money.

Even when I broke up with women, it was almost always on good terms. And how did this all turn out?

Pretty well. I had about 8 serious girlfriends in my 20s, had sex with all of them, and most of the time, both the relationship and the sex was really good (then I got married). Sure, I didn't have 30 partners and game a bunch of women--that wasn't my style.

But I am curious as to what women find bad about nice guys. I suspect women that are attracted to assholes and players are the ones who end up as cat-ladies down the road.

SweetPotatoes112 · 2020-03-16T06:52:20+00:00

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-09-24T19:15:24+00:00

youll have to define "Good" in a way i understand because i dont know what you mean

fleetwood-pc · 2019-09-24T19:30:11+00:00

Trying to chill out and relax after a 12 hour day at work. Lol they hate that!

Ofourkind · 2019-09-24T20:04:05+00:00

Being clingy, being fat, being unmotivated, boring, annoying, self centered.

gopher_glitz · 2019-09-24T18:49:20+00:00

If you're not a druggie booze hound or have mental/emotional/phyiscal/psychological health issues and she does, she is going to automatically feel judged and resent you for it.

Truedemocracy5 · 2019-09-24T20:20:45+00:00

Oh man TONS. A legitimate kind/good man will turn off or annoy most women. These things include:

saying I love you more than her
texting frequently, even if not needy
introducing to friends or family quickly
being “won” too easy. If a guy acts like you two are exclusive after 1-2 dates it will turn women off even if they deny it (lol)
buying gifts like flowers regularly
wanting her equal input on a range of decisions (from where to eat to vacations)

These are things that are associated with good men and will likely get push back from the women here who lack self awareness. These aren’t BS ‘nice guy traits’, these are things men were raised to do that will turn women off unless the guy does proper push and dread techniques.

This kind of stuff is why so many guys shrug and say “can’t figure women out!”. Their behavior doesn’t make any sense on the surface

Andropomorphine · 2019-09-24T22:42:32+00:00

Chivalry turns them off

amyjoel · 2019-09-25T13:04:55+00:00

I know some women are turned off by good fathers. The man has a child who he is very involved with and some women get jealous of don’t want to share his time. Being a good father is a great trait but I’ve known many women who have seen it as a total turn off.

Hard workers are another. Some men work long hours and while it should be seen as a good trait some women become bored or lonely and won’t stay with a man who works too much.

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Dora_Bowl · 2019-09-24T19:10:03+00:00

Did you an idea idea of what a “good [man]” is?

SqueaksScreech · 2019-09-25T00:44:53+00:00

They believe women should change all their favourite interest and lifestyle to their boring shit. Like nah boo if you can't handle a bad bitch who loves to dance and hike with frienda then why is you going for a someone who likes to have fun instead of spending her entire weekend reading a book and playing puzzles.

Title	What are some things good men do that are turn off for women?
Author	Zero_The-Hero
Upvotes	133
Comments	559
Date	September 24, 2019 6:46 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/d8rhlt/what_are_some_things_good_men_do_that_are_turn/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-some-things-good-men-do-that-are-turn-off.270738 https://theredarchive.com/post/270738

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