Why do so many men believe that women prefer partners that treat them bad.

WilliamWyattD · 2020-10-20T12:38:23+00:00

Because conventionally attractive traits tend to come along with negative "hitchhiker" traits, and it's hard to distinguish between tolerance of said traits and attraction to them.

I remember reading a study where female preference for narcissism in men decreased once the researchers controlled for extraversion. A similar result happened for male preference for narcissism in women when they controlled for physical attractiveness.

JonBalkaya98 · 2020-10-20T17:07:05+00:00

I do not believe that men who look good inherently treat their partners badly (there are probably very many nice good looking people) but when people who look good do treat their partners badly it often gets overlooked or forgiven quickly just because they are attractive due to the Halo effect

Atlas__B__Shruggin · 2020-10-20T11:38:03+00:00

because they can visibly see women chasing after and pining after those men while treating men who are kind to them like annoying doormats

2020-10-20T20:57:32+00:00

Three things:

People who have experienced abuse in the past tend to find themselves in abusive relationships again and again. This is a noted phenomenon. So men see this and go "oh yes all women like abuse" instead of "this particular woman with CPTSD from a terrible childhood has a screwy concept of what qualifies as romance."

A bit of push-pull / insecurity-inducing behavior works on nearly everyone. That's not gendered. Men love to think of themselves as special logic geniuses, so they think they're immune and that vulnerability to those tactics is a specifically female trait. But the truth is that they too would be completely obsessed with a woman who used those tactics. Men love bitches and I've always been treated better when I've acted demanding.

Lastly -- and IMO the absolute biggest reason men persist in believing this -- it's incredibly gratifying to go "oh no, the reason for my lack of romantic success is because I'm just too good a person." It just feels so darn good to blame your problems on your essential inherent amazingness that people will ignore all logic in order to continue doing so.

yellowydaffodil · 2020-10-20T13:15:08+00:00

IMO, a few reasons.

Men who treat their partners badly often don't do it at the outset. They groom their victims so that by the time the abuse starts, the victim either doesn't recognize it as abuse, is blinded by warped ideas about love, or doesn't know how to leave. Outsiders don't see the grooming process necessarily, so they just see "he treats her badly and she likes it".
Lots of women's media romanticizes and glorifies abuse and mistreatment. This is the media we grow up on and are fed from a young age. In Twilight, Edward follows Bella around and watches her sleep, and it's framed as "protective" and "because he cares so much". In 50 shades, Christian monitors Ana's diet and outings, because he's so "interested" and "falling for her". Even a lot of normal parents teach their girls that someone is bullying her "because he likes her". If you grow up in that environment, you don't learn what normal is until you're older.
Lots of women (and men, but this is about women) play games when finding partners, and so they end up with men who play games back. Again, we have a society that teaches girls that they should play "hard to get" and that a man who really loves you will keep coming back even after you've said no. We see this in movies like The Notebook and pretty much every other romcom. In real life, men who don't understand that "no means no" tend to treat their partners badly.
Women whose partners treat them badly are more visible. Seriously, how much time do you spend observing and reading about happy couples? Stories have to be about conflict, even (and especially) stuff like reality TV.

crookedsummer2019 · 2020-10-20T14:21:09+00:00

When we find a guy attractive, many of us appreciate working a bit for his affection, because it’s usually a sign that he has some self respect, boundaries, isn’t needy or clingy and doesn’t need women for validation. Some guys take this as meaning they have to be jerks who apply dread and other kinds of manipulative crap that many women see through anyway.

Some men only see in black and white and think men are either simp betas whose niceness gets them friendzoned, or hardened assholes who assholeness gets him laid.

There actually is a grey area where a guy can convey that he isn’t going to be a simp beta fawning at her feet and actually be nice to her, genuinely like her and is interested in her.

Most women don’t want some clingy yes man who caters to her every whim. That’s actually quite annoying. But most women also don’t want to be treated like crap. Some guys, especially guys who have had healthy relationships with women, get that.

If given the choice, most women, like most men, will chose being treated like a human being over being treated like garbage. People typically don’t like to be treated badly and women are no exception.

antoniofelicemunro · 2020-10-20T18:58:56+00:00

Because it’s true. Girls are much more receptive when you treat them like they don’t matter. Not condoning this behaviour, just my experience from when I was younger and immature.

Physiologist21 · 2020-10-20T19:36:56+00:00

Because it has worked for them so it confirms the belief that women prefer assholes.

For one, this really isn’t the underlining reason. I believe it comes from childhood and the attachment styles we now have with our romantic partners. If you’re a secure person you’re not going to fall for the jerk that TRP is so sure EVERY woman wants. However, there are a lot of people out there with with avoidant, dismissive and anxious styles. The asshole is going to attract a woman with an anxious attachment because it can trigger some kind of familiarity she has with her past. Maybe she had a dad who wasn’t in her life or who didn’t give her that validation. So she’s going to seek validation from a guy who isn’t giving it to her (e.g not the nice guy). It’s all psychology.

rivertorain- · 2020-10-20T13:21:12+00:00

Because Chad is more of an asshole to other men than women
Because other men are jealous of Chad, they unconsciously consider him to be MORE of an asshole than what he really is
Because other men don't see what Chad is like with the women he is banging/dating. Actually, any woman who has ever been with a Chad knows that they're the sweetest men of them all (that's part of the hook).

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T11:39:32+00:00

Because they hear women talking shit about their exes and think that wouldn't happen if it were him in the driver's seat.

nemma88 · 2020-10-20T16:44:30+00:00

Imo, part of this stems from male competition. As in...

that guy got the girl, that asshole.

Any guy who gets the girl they want is an asshole by default, what he actually is, is irrelevant. If you dislike someone from the off you tend to focus on their bad traits.

87AudreyHorne · 2020-10-20T11:48:04+00:00

To be fair, and as a woman I hate this, it is because so many women themselves say it! Not most women I know and respect but I heard it million times from other girls.

But then again for most it doesnt mean being into guys who abuse them but just who aren't all in I guess. Maybe I dont get it because I have this inborn issue with my pride and ego that makes me very hard to attach to anyone who isn't very loyal and forthcoming but on another level I think I understand what it is.

I think a lot of us dont really want a relationship. What I mean is every story is about people who want to be together but the interesting part is the one where they cant be and all the potential and intrigue in that. I am also like that but for me I like to play the hard to get one or I fall more easily when outside circumstances make things hard. Some girls fall for men who make it hard. So that is the difference but the goal is to avoid something tangible and keep this outline, longing, what ifs... while still having the freedom.of a single person

Because when it finally happens the average simple relationship isn't something to write stories about

2020-10-20T16:44:25+00:00

“If you put a frog in boiling water, he will recognize the danger and jump out. If you put a frog in lukewarm water and slowly raise the temperature, he will burn to death without noticing.”

Same with abuse. No one is out here saying “looking for a man that slaps me thx”. You generally think someone is a nice person, but maybe they got a little mad, but it was really your fault, and now they yell a lot but it’s because he’s stressed...and then you look around and see a lot of relationships where the men are abusive dicks and assume women are attracted to being treated like shite and it’s not just the natural state of man. Many abusers have attractive but double sided qualities like being smooth talking and charming as a front for being manipulative. Many are confident and assertive as a front for being aggressive and angry under the surface. Many people don’t notice the gradual change and downward slide until they’re stuck - financially, emotionally, isolated, kids together, etc....and it’s not just women, this pattern of abuse happens also to men, but it’s just more common for it to be harder for women to leave as they’re typically the ones stuck in the house raising children without funds.

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T16:30:10+00:00

[permanently deleted]

trail22 · 2020-10-20T23:18:16+00:00

The women who date a lot probably date bad men. Because if they would probably be married. And its not like women are smart about what they want actually making them happy.

Thetrvler · 2020-10-20T15:23:24+00:00

Because you never hear of women “complaining” of staying with an abusive “nice guy” for years with literally the same script all women use as of they copy-and-pasted it.

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T12:02:33+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T12:50:01+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T12:54:59+00:00

[permanently deleted]

the-lone-squid · 2020-10-20T20:22:58+00:00

Because girls constantly call me an asshole, but still sleep with me?🤔

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T14:19:15+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Uesugi1989 · 2020-10-20T18:27:14+00:00

Because it's the natural process of events. Women like men that are confident, the most confident a guy is the more women like him. Where this confidence comes from is important but secondary, it may come from good looks, wealth, success, status or whatever. There is the catch though, after a certain point a confident person will become arrogant and self centered. We see it all the time with celebrities and star athletes, they are as arrogant as it gets. Someone who is arrogant and self centered will treat others badly, that person thinks that others are beneath him

Physiologist21 · 2020-10-20T21:09:51+00:00

Because men are often idiots.

Think about it, some men are scared of getting hurt, commitment, love, others are afraid of snakes, spiders, even feet.. but most are scared of women. Yet somehow, they believe they’re fearless demigods, but in reality they need women to stroke their fragile egos, and if we don’t, then we’re to blame for being; bitches, cruel, selfish, cold, crazy, hormonal etc. etc.

Sure, there are guys out there who learn to transcend their egos. They’re the ones that make great fathers, lovers, friends, etc. I’ve known quite a few in my lifetime, and those men will be the first to admit all the things I just said about the majority of men.

Just check out some of the things guys tell each other on the subreddit r/seduction! They once told me that asking a woman for advise about what women need sexually is as pointless as asking your car, “what’s wrong?” Instead of taking it to the mechanic.

medlabunicorn · 2020-10-20T21:17:34+00:00

The men (Nice Guys ^TM )who think this believe that performative chivalry is what makes a man ‘nice.’ They will pull out a woman’s chair but smirk to each other about the ‘ball and chain’ or how stupid their wife is behind her back. They see women preferring honest men who are coarse but who genuinely love them, and think that it is the coarseness rather than the genuine respect that attracted her.

Of course, men who are genuinely nice (give the benefit of the doubt to people, not racist or sexist, smart, kind, want the best for people, love their families) get snapped off the dating market pretty quickly.

Kd1524 · 2020-10-21T00:49:21+00:00

It's not that women prefer men that treat them bad its that the men they are attracted to are allowed to get away with treating them poorly because women tend to date up

Then the lower level men who are on the outside looking in say that women are all attracted to men who treat them badly. Its kind of a chicken or the eggg situation

Diamond-Breath · 2020-10-20T14:22:41+00:00

Never understood this phenomenon, I prefer good men.

ImbeddedElite · 2020-10-20T15:10:33+00:00

Think of it like a video game. Let’s say Bad boys have 8 positive traits and good guys have 12 positive traits. Now 12 is obviously more than 8, but because of a lot of factors (media, tradition, Disney, etc.) what men don’t know is that each of the bad boy’s positive traits are worth 2 points whereas the good guy’s are worth 1.

Most women either aren’t self aware enough to know this themselves or don’t want to vocalize it for fear of being demonized by society (slut shaming). The goal of the “game” for all men should in theory be to develop as many positive traits from both sides as possible while having as few negative traits from both sides as possible, obviously favoring the bad boy’s positive traits if forced to make a choice.

To answer the question, you take this concept and add to it the fact that most men

⁠Don’t know this information by default
Are actively either shown or told something different than this.
If they do eventually learn it, it’ll either be by random chance or by randomly having the personality trait that allows you to piece it together on your own

That means that to most men, their whole lives, they’re watching something that doesn’t logically compute (8>12). This can obviously lead to massive amounts of frustration, especially considering how important sex and relationships are to human beings.

Thatshygurl · 2020-10-20T19:54:27+00:00

I definitely do not find assholes attractive. On this same note, I don’t find push overs attractive either. I like a solid middle ground, someone who is dominant and puts me in my place when needed, but also cares for me.

I truly don’t get those girls who pine after emotionally unavailable womanizing assholes. It perplexes me too, however this 100% isn’t the standard for what all women are into.

MamaAbroad · 2020-10-20T14:52:58+00:00

I’ve had female friends like this who went for “bad boys,” but they were always trying to help them or fix them. It was a lot more about feeling sorry for them and misplaced mothering instinct than “tingles” like so many men claim.

Iluvalmonds83 · 2020-10-20T18:16:03+00:00

Women like the traits(confident, risk accepting, confrontational, dominant) that make men an effective “winner/protector/conqueror”. Unfortunately , these traits are also usually found in assholes. They set off the tingles. The lizard brain wants what it wants.

Zombombaby · 2020-10-20T14:13:17+00:00

TIL most men confuse 'being an asshole' with just being more 'genuine'. I don't want to be on a pedestal and set up to fail your impossible expectations of a perfect woman. I want to be a human being and have a partner who'll laugh, cry, succeed, fail, and all the rest with me. I want a person who tries to understand me, not one that forces me into this tiny box of what a 'real' woman is.

Dated nice guys and they were the most controlling, opinionated assholes who interjected themselves in all aspects of my life, whether they were welcome there or not. Hard pass.

LooseIndication · 2020-10-20T19:50:26+00:00

If you brainwash people to believe that "masculinity is toxic", and women are attracted to masculinity, it means that women are attracted to toxicity.

If you brainwash people to believe that "alpha behavior is wrong", and women are attracted to alphas, it means that women are attracted to wrongness.

If you brainwash people to believe that "feminism is the contract", and women are not attracted to feminist men, it means that women are delinquent.

If you brainwash people to believe that "something is evil", and women are attracted to something, it means that women are attracted to evil.

If you brainwash people to believe that "women are rational", and women are controlled by feelings, it means that women are intentionally malicious.

Lying to people has unintended consequences.

SucreLavande · 2020-10-20T16:46:08+00:00

It’s more of a trap? They aren’t looking for the long term happiness of anyone but themselves

2020-10-20T14:59:37+00:00

If your talking about men on here... It's because they're red pill or black pill and that is a common belief in those communities.

Men with normal and healthy relationships don't feel that way.

I also think men who think that are the ones that usually go for insecure chicks. For insecure woman, it did work, and they now think all women are like that. Confident women wouldn't tolerate that shit for a minute.

Or maybe it's because they watch porn that treats women badly and they think that's representative of real life.

I'm a woman and I hate being treated poorly. I don't like cocky/arrogant attitudes, negging, or any type of aggression. I don't like being treated poorly/roughly during sex either. It's a huge turn off.

diladusta · 2020-10-20T13:16:21+00:00

Because they are projecting what they want to do but have less oppurtunity to do either because of looks,money,or personality/whatever mix

its the same reason why they believe most women are sluts,whores,bitches regardless of evidence showing its men that are perverts and are pretty much always looking for chances to lie,cheat,steal,force or buy sex

its also a dash of envy/jealousy and revenge fantasy

sex envy:wishing they had the same sexual 'ease' as women

TessaBrooding · 2020-10-20T16:01:09+00:00

I think it's a way of dealing with the fact the woman you were after chose someone else, or panting your ex in the worst possible light.

As for me and every one of my friends, showing kindness to strangers, animals, old people or kids is the number one most praised attribute in men. Being orderly and doing one's own housechores is a close second. Being a helpful, caring son to one's parents is also high up there. Being a good bro to one's bros can't go unmetioned. Egalitarian views are bae.

Being a good guy doesn't equate being boring and it's so hilarious to me because the kindest men I know are also some of the funniest, nice-to-be-around people I've met. I suppose it's got a lot to do with extraversion too, but most introverts (like myself) get there after a few drinks.

2020-10-20T16:15:52+00:00

Some women and men do prefer a partner who mistreats them in some ways. They get bored when their partner is completely nice and perfect. Its probably related to childhood or something. But you can't make a blanket statement about all women or assume this is something only women like.

ShalimarExtrait · 2020-10-20T20:07:28+00:00

It’s so shitty. It ruins your life as a woman. To this day, I can count with one hand the amount of times a boyfriend has told me I looked beautiful. The more beautiful they find you, the more shitty they behave because “you deserve it”

And you know? I’m done with it. Go fuck up somebody else with your mindgames.

AnarchoNAP · 2020-10-20T20:40:29+00:00

Men who say this don't want a partner. They want to fuck and go. Women who are down to fuck and go, or stupid enough to not see it coming if older/untaught enough to not see it coming if they are younger, 99%+ of the time have psychological issues such as abandonment and that makes them seek out abusers. Because as ick as it is we seek out partners who are somewhat similar to our parents. (Until therapy.)

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T14:20:41+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T14:47:54+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T15:36:39+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T16:21:30+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T16:33:07+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T16:42:43+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2020-10-20T17:03:26+00:00

This isn’t a “common belief”. It’s typically held by a minority of guys that are either incels, mgtow, general sexists, guys that have no empathy, and other red flag wavers. Abuse isn’t something that starts out as abuse. And some people ( not just women, guys can also be in abusive relationships ) have very low self esteem or other issues that are never addressed, and can’t see the warning signs because they think this is all they are worthy of.

2020-10-20T15:27:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2020-10-20T15:21:16+00:00

It makes sense to to people who base their ideas about attractive men off pop culture and social outcast revenge fantasy. The whole “Just you wait! I’ll reject you once I’m rich and attractive!!”

They have to believe they have an advantage in virtue of being an underdog. It’s the popular narrative.

cactus___flower · 2020-10-20T15:02:37+00:00

It’s very likely due to attachment styles. Men and women can both have any attachment style but men have a stereotype of being more avoidant-dismissive while women have a stereotype of being more anxious-ambivalent. All of this is because of childhood experiences and the way our primary caregivers treated us.

Most people with secure attachments are already coupled up so in the dating world you see mostly people with insecure attachment styles getting sucked into bad partnerships together, and the anxious-avoidant couple is a very common one. Anxious and avoidants tend to be drawn to each other and if the man is the avoidant one it looks a lot like the classic “good girl going after a bad guy” trope.

So yeah, it does happen and there is an underlying psychological reason for it that can be traced back to childhood.

teeps88 · 2020-10-20T15:13:37+00:00

Anyone, regardless of gender, that has underlying feelings of unworthiness will seek out partners to validate those feelings. So if you think you’re not lovable, you’ll go for people that make you feel rejected. People secure in themselves practice healthy boundary setting and communication. Someone tried to neg me and I asked them straight out if they were and they said they were playing. I told them that we can joke around like that once we have established that we really like each other. Make me feel good and I’ll make you feel good. This shit isn’t complicated or tricky.

People who keep people around or who play these games need to go to therapy to figure out why they are forming relationships that fail to nourish them.

AutoModerator · 2020-10-20T11:31:07+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T11:51:44+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T12:15:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T12:42:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T13:40:33+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T13:48:10+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T13:49:39+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T13:50:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T13:56:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T14:01:26+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T14:04:55+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T14:12:22+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T14:20:44+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T14:23:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T14:44:07+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T14:44:33+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T14:51:12+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T15:19:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T15:24:46+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T15:39:41+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T15:45:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T15:48:55+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T16:17:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T16:20:44+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-10-20T17:00:22+00:00

[permanently deleted]

RageStreak · 2020-10-20T18:26:55+00:00

Some women with their own unsorted emotional baggage might temporarily seek the approval of a difficult partner. They might feel that they can save him and that mission gives them a sense of purpose. They might also crave his love and approval more because it is given to them and then denied, which causes emotional spikes.

That is not the same as saying “women prefer assholes”. Sometimes women make the mistake of trying to reform an asshole. The asshole approach might get you laid a few times. But these relationships are nothing to aspire to and their appeal among women generally is vastly over exaggerated by men who have trouble dating and want a convenient cope.

The latter men don’t realize that “nice” isn’t a personality trait. “Nice” is simply “not being an asshole,” which is the minimum for any decent human being and is not enough to attract a partner on its own.

People do want partners who challenge their worldview and catalyse personal growth. When Nice Guys (TM) see a man challenge a women this way, they assume he’s being an asshole when really, he’s just treating her like an adult and not simping.

mc0079 · 2020-10-20T19:20:00+00:00

Because most happy normal couples are not vocally and visually fighting over various platforms and making headlines. the News doesn't report on the tons of normal couples that live their life everyday without anything major happening, they report on the one offs...the exceptions they out of the norm....How many happy couples do you scroll through on Facebook but only stop when you see drama in someone's status?

Hoopy223 · 2020-10-20T19:38:10+00:00

Well if you’re single those are the single guys you’ll see getting lots of success. And yes there are women out there who love men like that will happily date them no matter how bad they are.

However as soon as you start putting in some effort you’ll meet women who aren’t like that. So the real question is how badly do you want it and how much effort are willing to put into it?

Mayhem977 · 2020-10-20T19:48:58+00:00

It’s just common to see and hear stories of women getting into abusive relationships. It also doesn’t help that these women stay in such relationships out of fear or of the believe they can “change” the guy. What most men don’t get is that women don’t enter abusive relationships knowingly. Abuse usually starts to show up once the woman is deep in the relationship. So the irony here is that the woman fell for the guy thinking he was a “nice guy” when in the end, he proved otherwise.

2020-10-20T19:49:42+00:00

if you go on tiktok and see girls posting videos about them being attracted to guys who actively disrespect them and act as bad guys (their words, not mine), you'd get that impression too. nice guys finish last...sometimes

SaBahRub · 2020-10-20T20:04:34+00:00

Because then it’s ok for them to do it

TheLotusLover · 2020-10-20T22:44:26+00:00

We have amazing powers of observation(no one can out contemplate those brave souls who walk the thin line of the autism spectrum)

Jakes1967 · 2020-10-20T22:49:25+00:00

Why do so many men believe that women prefer partners that treat them bad.

Experience.

I've known more than a few women, who were in abusive relationships, yet wouldn't give the good men, the time of day - including both my half-sisters.

slavicslothe · 2020-10-20T23:01:14+00:00

Projection, frustration, and an unwillingness to accept that you not having a girlfriend has anything to do with you. Or at least anything you can control. Nice guys breathe anecdotes and feed off hyperbole. They are the kind of people who will spend 10 minutes on wikipedia reading about a topic then act like they know more than someone who has a doctorate in that subject.

autumncolors816 · 2020-10-20T23:10:26+00:00

Hands down...if he is a jerk...NEXT!!! No time for BS...there are plenty of guys out there.

2020-10-20T23:29:13+00:00

It's because even after women have been fucked over by them, they make every single excuse in the book to justify it.

lil_joe157 · 2020-10-21T03:43:39+00:00

Hollywood

rubbooyuri · 2020-10-21T05:02:03+00:00

There’s several reasons, but it doesn’t really matter. Men are the ones who made us this way through biology n shit

monadyne · 2020-10-21T05:04:15+00:00

I don't believe it's a question of "mistreating" women, as that suggests malevolence on the part of men. Generally speaking, women are motivated by sensations/feelings/emotions. A man who provides opportunities that spark such feelings creates attraction. Even negative emotions are still, after all, emotions and as such, are stimulating and, therefore, enticing.

A woman may be perceptive enough to realize that so-called bad boys are bad choices, and that there are men who are kind, attentive, appreciative and generous who are infinitely better choices for women to make - - - but their very reasonableness and stability provoke sensations that are the very opposite of stimulating/exciting.

To be vulgar about it, it's a question of what makes pussies wet.

This is, perhaps, why so many women divorce their husbands after their children are well enough beyond the toddler phase. The very things that made their husbands good choices as fathers/providers ...are perceived later as boring, stultifying. Such women long for excitement, emotional stimulation, emotionally intoxicating experiences.

Perhaps this has always been true. Recent cultural advancements (women's liberation, employment opportunities, birth control, labor-saving technologies, information appliances, etc.) have dramatically changed what options are available for women to choose.

Besthater · 2020-10-21T08:13:27+00:00

because there is a spectrum between simps that will grovel, and dudes that care about themselves and their own happiness way before hers. from outside it looks like they treat their partners badly because the women complain that he doesnt care about her. but he cares about him first. self respect man. part of the whole answer, but not the answer entirely. That and the fact that women and men with lots of choices get hubristic about it.

Physiologist21 · 2020-10-21T23:03:24+00:00

Because facts back it up.

Obviously they don't prefer it, they just have a fucked up system of beliefs that give them this end result.

SiaSara · 2020-10-22T15:31:01+00:00

For me, it's not about men who treat you "bad". That's just the perception of them. I like assertive, dominant men. You don't have to be a dick to be dominant and assertive. I also like men who are direct and upfront. I don't like people pleasers who are sickeningly nice to every girl they meet because ultimately I just see it as them playing the long game. It makes me feel like they're not sincere and are just after anyone who wants them. These guys also show they're not nice after all when they realise you're not interested.

Zonkey_Zeedonk · 2020-10-22T23:06:05+00:00

I think a lot of us go through a “bad boy” phase at some point, and most of us grow out of it after getting burned a couple times. Honestly most women I know would much prefer a supportive and loyal partner than one who mistreats them, and are much more attracted to respectful men then jerks.

2020-10-27T06:58:08+00:00

Because women are attracted to masculine energy. Being an asshole ‘feels’ to women like he’s assertive and powerful and thus masculine. That rush of energy they felt gives them the tingles ....and they can’t resist the tingles.

Niceness doesn’t have that rush of energy , niceness doesn’t feel like POWER.

fransquaoi · 2020-10-29T08:06:12+00:00

Do a minority of women prefer there partner to mistreat them due to not having a good father or some other underlying psychological reason?

Yeah. I'm a woman, and I believe this.

It's only, like, 3% of women, and less common as we get older.

I think it's because they like the chaos. There are more highs because there are more lows. And the bad parts can feel perversely good to them, like cutting yourself. And then the effort they put into making up after a fight feels good to them and ultimately strengthens the relationship.

Another subset of that 3% are crazy fucks who mistreat their partners right back. Sometimes, crazy attracts crazy.

A shitty home growing up probably predicts both. On some level, people like what's familiar. If what's familiar is conflict, you'll seek it out.

Some men are probably like this too. Fewer, imo, but you see them around.

Title	Why do so many men believe that women prefer partners that treat them bad.
Author	knowledgeseeker999
Upvotes	178
Comments	474
Date	October 20, 2020 11:31 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/jennm6/why_do_so_many_men_believe_that_women_prefer/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-so-many-men-believe-that-women-prefer.320210 https://theredarchive.com/post/320210

Comments