Wait, why do a lot of you believe that men don't respect women (including women they love)?

GGMcThroway · 2021-02-11T08:03:56+00:00

Respect has a lot of connotations.

When people say men don't respect women, I see it as them saying that men don't see women as capable as competent as them, nor trust their judgment unless other men say it too. Like when women's ideas get ignored until a man says them, women become more efficient in the workplace just by using a male name in their emails, and how the problems women voice aren't taken seriously until men expressed them as well.

Getting treated with kid gloves blows. No one likes that. Societal norms tells men to do that to women more than the other way around for pretty much everything that isn't related to household chores, though.

Katelyn89 · 2021-02-11T09:18:43+00:00

I generally think a lot of men think women are stupid. Hyper emotional, less intelligent, less capable physically and mentally. I think this is magnified tenfold outside of industrialized countries. I say that having been to them. Women are still expected to be quiet or unseen while the men talk and engage in society in like 70% of the world.

FirsToStrike · 2021-02-11T14:07:48+00:00

I think men often do love women in a similar way they'd love a child, they wish to protect them, and satisfy their needs, but do not respect the child in terms of trust in their abilities or their competence to do things by themselves, nor do they see it as equal.

I think a woman who wants to be respected needs to inspire confidence in others, get them to trust in her abilities, just like any man would- I don't deny it might very well be harder for women to do so tho, since they have to deal with the prejudice men might have with trusting their competence (a prejudice that btw isn't completely unfounded, I think a lot of women derive pleasure from being in the role of someone who is dependent).

I for one would like a capable woman as partner, someone I could trust as much as myself if not more, who at the same time isn't so "manly" that she forgot the importance of warmth and kindliness that people associate with womanhood. This is not an easy thing to find.

BTW OP, I like twin peaks too, but season 3 was shit.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2021-02-11T12:20:30+00:00

Respect is earned and not necessary to love someone. That's not to say I don't respect some women, I certainly do. It's just not a necessary component for me to love someone. The easiest example I can give is that I have some (male & female) family members I love deeply but don't respect.

I have female friends who are accomplished in various ways and certainly respect them: attorney, mother, doctor, teacher, military vet, etc.

Cherish, treat with dignity and compassion, etc. ... yes, of course. I think the issue you might be running into is definitions. Sounds like some people are using the first definition below (myself included) and others the second.

a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others.

tritoneharmonies · 2021-02-11T14:26:56+00:00

Men generally don't have much respect for the female point of view when it comes to the perception of reality and the more gender-specific differences in our human experience. It might sound very accusatory, but this is my observation and the conclusion I've come to, when analyzing how men go about trying to comprehend and categorize women. They're just not very good at it naturally; it's more of a cognitive effort for men to remind themselves that they're not in fact the only arbiters of reality, and what lies outside their immediate reality does effect them too and is valid as well. Men are less likely to accept something as real and valid if they feel they don't personally grasp it. They'll most likely go "doesn't make any sense" and go on ignoring the issue thinking their response is reasonable - to them it really is, because why waste energy on it when you can go waste your energy on something you 100% know is gonna be productive?

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-02-11T07:54:31+00:00

I think some men respect women. Certainly not all, or (if I was going off my conversations in this sub) most.

For me, respect is a step below love. I can respect someone I do not love, but I cannot love someone I do not respect.

Emberily123 · 2021-02-11T13:00:43+00:00

My dad respects my mum more then anyone else in the world, he adores her and me too. He was the only boy with 3 sisters and his dad was always at work so he kind of understood and respected women. Then again I know men who don’t respect their wives and I’ve been disrespected by men including men who claimed to love me. Humans are diverse and no two are identical, not even identical twins.

provalonely10 · 2021-02-11T15:24:39+00:00

It mostly has to do with how deep the patriarchy goes. It is the norm and deeply engrained that men hate women, mostly on a subconscious level. Women also have internalized misogyny because of this. A lot of people are not willing to work through this or come to terms with it. That’s why it’s common for women to know who assaulted them, it’s typically a friend or family member.

NarniaFox · 2021-02-11T11:03:39+00:00

Because lots of men specifically in this sub and in some other parts of manosphere express this kind of opinion and they go so far to try to push the idea that most men share it. I guess some people believe them and some know guys like this in real life.

classicliberal1 · 2021-02-11T14:25:45+00:00

To respect someone, by definition, is to hold them in higher regards than you do most people. It is therefore mathematically impossible to respect half of the people in the world. To say "respect women" or "respect men" is to simply cheapen the word respect.

Respect must be earned. To earn respect, you have to demonstrate that you are better than other people in some aspect. You must accomplish more or help people more than most other people do.

John_Oakman · 2021-02-11T11:12:49+00:00

The behaviors and viewpoints of men of this subreddit does not inspire much confidence...

... and the majority (or at least plurality) males who are inoffensive? Well, no one else on the subreddit respect their opinions, or consider them to be real men...

sweatyapplejuice · 2021-02-12T09:04:39+00:00

my dad loved my mom but he still beat the shit out of her. men who opposed women voting until the 1900s all had wives-- they probably loved them. but do you think they respected them if they didn't even believe they were capable of the "massive intellectual challenge" of politics? yeah probably not.

Brainless-Wonder · 2021-02-11T12:36:10+00:00

“Respect” is one of those pesky loaded terms like “vulnerability.” I give everyone the same basic level of default decency, but there’s no way you’re earning my respect if I haven’t seen you even do anything of merit yet.

I have the exact same default basic decency for men that I do for women. It’s rarely been my experience that people diminish women for their achievements on the basis of them being women, but I realize that because I work in the hyper culturally/politically progressive STEM field, this has clearly biased my impression and much of the rest of the world isn’t entirely like this, so take what I said there with a grain of salt.

If I’m being honest, “respect for women” is something of a meme. It’s an arcane concept that’s thrown out there by people who want to appear socially aware, and yet really they just want the world’s approval just for showing up. At the bare minimum it’s “don’t be misogynist.” Fine, but do you really think you’re worth more than just a basic level of decency if I haven’t even seen you do anything yet? Is everyone else really that much of a misogynist because they won’t kiss your ass?

AngelWeyesDelRey · 2021-02-11T11:39:31+00:00

Just read the threads in this very sub.

Men only “put up with us” because we have a pussy. They dont like us in general.

ANRthrowawayABF · 2021-02-11T12:53:31+00:00

Imagine thinking you are owed respect lmao.

Respect is earned; not given.

The only people I have respect for are people who have similar values and experiences as me. Those people just happen to be men almost unanimously from my experience, so it's not really a gender issue but more so based on correlation with my lived experience, ideas and values.

I don't ask for or demand respect from anyone else either because I couldn't careless what others think about me because they don't know me, if I want respect I'll earn it.

Anonymous_Browser_ · 2021-02-11T10:23:32+00:00

Might not be exactly what your asking for but here we go.

Just to check we all have the same definition, respect is a feeing of deep admiration for someone or something.

It’s not really that I automatically don’t respect women, it’s that I automatically don’t respect anyone. Men or women. I was taught that you have to earn someone else’s respect, but similarly they have to earn yours.

And i’ve learnt if people don’t respect you, they will walk all over you. That’s irrespective of gender. That doesn’t mean you can’t be civil or kind, because neither of those are conditioned upon having respect for someone.

As for respecting women you love, well that’s a difficult one. But I’d say you can love someone without having respect for their beliefs. The two main reasons for love are what a person looks like, and who a person is. Respect doesn’t really have much to do with looks. It might play more into someone’s character, but that could only play into aspects of character, so you would say you respect something about someone.

Sorry if I didn’t explain it well. It’s a great question that’s made me think, as there’s more than a few aspects to this question, but I’m a bit rushed to get all my thoughts down.

IHaveABigDuvet · 2021-02-11T10:45:08+00:00

Life experiences.

Extremely__Moderate · 2021-02-11T15:30:48+00:00

Who do men respect, and why? Are women capable of having those traits?

I could get on board with a “most men don’t respect most women”. But I think that‘s mostly due to what men value. Men want people that are competent that can help the tribe, and as women have typically assumed supporting roles (things that could be done by men, but aren’t), there is much there that men value.

Now, if you see a woman doing thing very well that men respect (like a Rhonda Rousey in MMA days, or some highly competent female hunter, or craftsman) men are more apt to have “respect” for them.

Rarely will you see a man respect a woman for her ability to take care of kids, unless they are exceptional at it in some way.

Just my opinions

XtoDoubt · 2021-02-11T08:19:10+00:00

I don't respect "women" as a whole. Like, why would I respect someone I know nothing about? I respect some, though, women who have earned it. Same as men.

il_nascosto · 2021-02-11T08:25:28+00:00

It is not possible to truly love anyone without mutual respect. Married people who no longer respect each other become quite toxic. Men generally respect the women they love, and don't respect their one night stands and hookups (again, generally speaking).

Of course, this refers to young men. As men age they become more mature, and sometimes have daughters. This can change their perspective!

GYN-k4H-Q3z-75B · 2021-02-11T09:13:44+00:00

I only respect individuals and not groups based on demographic criteria. Respect has to be earned. From there, if I have a choice in it, I tend to surround myself with people I respect. How could I be friends or in love with someone I don't respect? I don't think that works or makes sense.

The first step in earning respect is to respect yourself. This is where a lot of women fail when they are overly concerned with social media. They confuse attention with respect, or straight up trade respect for a bit of attention. For me, it is damn near impossible to respect those women, but sadly it seems that is what many strive for.

DarthCach · 2021-02-11T11:10:56+00:00

A lot of men view women as inferior to them, only ever good for one thing...

Why would you need to respect someone like that?

SaBahRub · 2021-02-11T15:04:24+00:00

The sexes have different definitions of respect

Women see respect as equalizing

Men see respect as elevating

So a man can never see a woman as better than him, therefore he doesn’t respect her

SeemedGood · 2021-02-11T16:47:08+00:00

Respect comes from observation of behaviors.

It’s really hard to respect people who eschew responsibility for their own condition, seek victim status, and tend not to be introspective, objectively self observant, and self critical.

the-worst- · 2021-02-11T17:56:26+00:00

My husband of 5 years says he loves me. But he doesn't do housework or help with babies, he acts like I over exagerate pains and exhaustion both from childbearing complications and being the only one to get up and help the 1 and 2 yos all night, when I told him dishes were aggravating my back injury from the last c section, asked him to do them. He told me I have to remind him to do it, even though it was his only chore. He's 35! And after he didn't do them AT ALL for over 2 months, I decided to screw my back pain and do them myself. They still leave me crippled after, but AT LEAST THERE ARE CLEAN DISHES!

He claims I never talk to him about anything other than food or stuff to get, yet everytime I try to talk about anything else, I'm treated like an annoyance or like I have NO idea what I'm talking about, or just straight up told to shut up. The only thing outside of neccessities and common purchases I've suggested recently was a portable washer so we didn't have to use the apartment complex laundry area because my back is injured (so i can't lug laundry up and down our stairs) and he is super cautious when it comes to the virus. He claims we "don't need it"... I would LOVE to do laundry myself. But I can't.

He is often very rude to me just because a stocks price fell. He often isn't at all greatful for any sexual stuff that only serves him. He doesn't care if I get any enjoyment out of it, and he loves making sexy time as much of a chore as doing the dishes is.

He makes fun of my weight, my allergies, my hobbies, my dream-job, my ideas, my memory issues, the way my mind functions, how my narc mother raised me, and anytime my opinion is different from his. He expects me to wipe his work clothes down with a cloth, but refuses to hang them on the hanger in the bathroom so that I won't forget, then gets mad if they aren't wiped down even though they are dark clothes in a pile in some random corner on dark carpet. And he won't remind ME to do something like that because "you are a grown woman" yet I have a million other chores, but I was supposed to remind him, a man 10 years my elder, to do his ONE chore.

In the beginning of the relationship, some of this stuff wasn't even present. Since he works and I'm at home, I was fine with doing all the chores. But then he expected me to run and grab anything he asked for when he asked for it. Then we had baby #1 and he called his paternity leave to HELP his wife who just had a c section a vacation and claimed I was ruining it by asking him for his help with baby and chores I was told BY MY DOCTOR AND SURGEON that I should not do. Then I got pregnant again within a few months, and still couldn't do much around the home. Then I found out this time would be a schedualed csection because it was too close to #1. Then me and baby #2 spent a week in the hospital, her with severe jaundice and me with an extremely life threatening case of eclampsia. Then had to work on getting the swelling down for another week.

And even though I had a few busted sutures, any help he was giving to me ended after the 6 week healing period... Even though I WAS CLEARLY not fully healed.

Sure, he works hard. He buys me things with the money he earns. I get to stay home with the kids. But these things do not equal "not being disrespectful". I often feel like he hates me because I can't have my own opinion around him, can't talk about anything that interests me without being treated like an idiot, and am made fun of just for being me.

And no, I haven't gained weight since getting with him. I have been fairly stagnant. Only fluctuating between 5 lbs (except durring morning sickness where I literally could not eat and dropped like 40 ish lbs), and if anything I work harder now than ever before.

When we first met, he was glad that I gave him any physical attention, and was happy for everything I did for him. Now? He's a grumpy old man at 36. We no longer have common interests. The ones we did have, he dropped entirely. There are so many shows we started watching together that I finished alone because he lost interest as soon as I became interested. He won't give anything new a try unless he is the one who picked it or I show no interest. No matter how much I clean, the next day anything I cleaned will be just as messy as it was prior to cleaning.

Yet if I tell him this, he instantly talks about leaving me and the children and vanishing, but if I'm ok with that or insist I'll be the one to leave, he switches to begging me to stay, claiming he will do anything i ask if I only stay, ECT.

And I'm sadly not alone in this regard. There are so many other women who go way out of their way to do so much for a man who just... Won't do a single thing she asks (and accuses her of being a nag if she asks more than once). I've seen women beg a man to do one simple thing (i.e. put the toilet lid down/wipe up "spillage", or putting a particular thing in one spot, or take her out to a nice dinner once every few YEARS) that he, for seemingly no reason will not do. While the same man asks a million things of her and gets overly upset over any mistake or task left undone/forgotten.

It seems to be a MAJOR trend among 30 something year old men. Weither they don't know HOW to show they care, dont realise just how much of a jerk they are being, or actually don't care, there is some reason these men expect a woman who never goes against him, never complains, and will do all housework/childcare, as well as taking care of his "special needs" and being someone he can talk at, not talk with...

It's like 30-40 yo men were raised and bred to be textbook narcissists.

Zonkey_Zeedonk · 2021-02-11T19:20:13+00:00

I think there’s a difference between “respecting” someone as a person and being RESPECTFUL to that person. I find that a lot of men respect women/their girlfriends and wives in theory, but are not always respectful to them...that could take a lot of forms, some are very overt but many are accidental: not taking a woman seriously when she talks, or assuming that she means something she isn’t directly saying, viewing women as defensive/shrill when they stand up for themselves or voice their opinions, being pushy when women are not in the mood for physical intimacy (even in a playful or polite way), talking to a woman differently than you would talk to a man, treating women as emotionally/physically delicate even when they are not displaying those traits. All of these things are really common to see in even functional/successful relationships. It doesn’t mean the guys who do them are bad people, it comes from male socialization and the way men are condition to view women/women are condition to accept being viewed, but I think this is what a lot of women are referring to. It’s a type of disrespect that’s not blatant but that a lot of women are attuned to, while many men are not.

queen_beastmode · 2021-02-13T06:12:42+00:00

men don't respect women (including women they love)?

Because I've observed a massive sample size of men disrespecting their female partners as a third party observer. And in most of my male ex-partners, disrespect seemed to be their default mode and I often observed those same pattern's in their own parent's behaviors. Really put me off them, which is why they're all ex-partners.

I should disambiguate, when I say respect I mean a basic respect for someone's time, autonomy, and effort. This is what men don't give women. They repeatedly fail to see that their female partners are separate from their own expectations and entitlement and don't really owe them anything except what they choose to give. You can't deny that many men talk about how they expect submission, obedience, compliance, free childcare and household labor from their wives and girlfriends. That's disrespect right there.

passepar2t · 2021-02-11T09:06:29+00:00

The thread claims that men have said so aloud.

I respect certain women. When I dated women I really liked, I had respect for their accomplishments and "the basic respect afforded to humans" but what I felt for them wasn't really respect.

I feel like respect in the context of a relationship is something that builds over time. A happy couple that overcame waning sex, boredom, resentment and complacency, have deep, abiding respect as a significant component of their love.

Gilmoregirlin · 2021-02-11T11:10:26+00:00

I don’t think that men generally don’t respect women, that’s not true at all. I think that if you read the posts on this group for a little bit I could see how you might get that picture or idea, but as far as society as a whole I don’t believe that to be true. What “respect” means in general I think is that women want to be seen as having an equal say, as equal human beings, as intelligent, as not sexual objects, not demeaned or called stupid, and generally just not having hate thrown at them by men that is based on perceptions, stereotypes or untruths when all they are asking for is to be treated as decent human beings. I think that society has seen a growing uptick in male anger, particularly white male anger and hate and much of it is directed at women, some at other minorities as well. But often times women hear “oh she just got that job because she’s a woman,” or ”she got that job because she slept her way to the top,” but you would never hear such a thing about a man. This is true even when a woman has better education, experience and credentials than the man does. But when it’s equal it’s almost as if all of that is discounted. The criticism is also a lot of “she’s a slut” and then in the next breath “women are too picky,” versus “she takes all my money she’s a gold digger,” and “I don’t want a woman who is too ambitious or makes too much money.” Women just want their choices and who they are respected rather than constantly questioned because of their gender. They don’t want to have to fulfill a certain role that male society thinks they should. It’s a small group of men that don’t respect women but they are quite vocal about it which leads may to believe there are more of them then there really are. Most men are allies in my experience.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-02-11T14:05:22+00:00

Because to women, respect means "observe and heed my boundaries".

To men, "respect" means deference and admiration.

I have "respected" about 2 women in my entire life. I didn't fuck either of them.

Men do not "defer to and admire" women. It is a terrible idea for a man to "defer to and admire" a woman he loves. It is REALLY bad for a man to "defer to and admire" a woman he's fucking. Because if he "defers to and admires" those women, they will shit all over him and treat him poorly. (Ask me how I know.)

No. Men should never "respect" any women, especially women they love. "Observe and heed boundaries"? Sometimes. Even that will get a man shit on. Women want a man they're sexually attracted to to do what he wants and take what he wants, including stepping over her boundaries at time. She wants him to be forward and assertive, even a little aggressive.

Iluvalmonds83 · 2021-02-11T12:49:28+00:00

Nah, I’ve never believed in the generalization that currently men on a society level don’t respect women by default because of gender here in the U.S.

And perhaps the women who see this happening in real time is due to the woman in question not garnering or earning the respect from others. People tend to have their own varied individual requirements to give respect to others M, usually based on character and personality traits, not so much what kind of reproductive organs they have.

That being said, when I used to work big companies that had a continuous influx of employees on boarding from other countries, that was a different story. Pretty much all the other cultures definitely still had that problem, and I’d watch quite a few men get fired over their immediate inability to work under a female manager or trainer or just higher up/senior associate .

Mimoxs · 2021-02-11T10:26:42+00:00

It is easy to love that which you don't respect. We love our pets, we don't have "respect" for them.

The way men love women is actually kinda like that, it's very similar to how people might love their dog, or how children love their stuffed animals, etc.

Men do not respect women because they are - correctly, mind you - biologically preprogrammed to see women as inferior and no amount of modern feminist propaganda will ever rid them of their innate sense of superiority.

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cruciod · 2021-02-11T14:07:34+00:00

Does this actually happen in the workplace/other scenes once you get older? I'm in university and I've never seen guys outrightly be disrespectful to women simply because they were a woman. Yea, they might be a little lame when it comes to picking up girls, but if we're in a group project or anything I've never felt as though my ideas were "dumber" or something. I've really never even really made a differentiation in genders when it comes to actually being productive on something.

Does this attitude change in guys once they get older or something? I don't think it's a case of women just getting more dumb because... That doesn't really make sense lol.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-02-11T14:13:22+00:00

Some men, obviously, lack respect for ALL women. These men say "I cheat, but I still love my wife." They think they love their wife... but they don't. And surely you've heard teenage boys scream slurs at their own mothers before. It happens. I hope not too often. MANY men default to lacking respect for women in the workplace. Source: my experience working my way up in a male-dominated field. Out-of-place penis/sex "jokes," commenting on women's sexuality or a women's appearances in a sexual way. That's not professional behavior. And yet... men do it? In front of professional women? And no one bats an eye? It's clearly an aggressive power play among the whole class of men to make women feel inferior and out-of-place. Maybe the men don't even BELIEVE women are inferior, though. Maybe they just want to be in control, and they're willing to pretend just to improve their chances.

GridReXX · 2021-02-11T17:03:52+00:00

OPs like this need to ask everyone how they define respect.

I define respect as “admiration and/or awe for someone or something about that someone; a high regard.”

Based on that definition I do not “respect” everyone nor do I resided something about everyone I encounter.

That feeling of respect has to be earned / elicited.

A lot of people seem to define respect as “common decency and basic consideration.”

I have common decency and consideration for anyone I interact with unless they are an asshole to me. I never viewed this as a me having respect for them. But I suppose it’s me “respecting them as a human I am considerate toward.”

I think the disconnect is a lot of men aren’t naturally thoughtful or considerate or feel the need to be agreeable from jump. So they tend to move through life not offering up basic consideration to people — men and women.

And to most women this disregard for decorum and consideration is disrespectful.

At least that’s my immediate perspective.

excess_inquisitivity · 2021-02-11T10:35:10+00:00

What is respect?

Is respect treating someone the same, regardless of what is (or is expected) to be between their legs, or is it treating women better than one would treat men?

The Webster definition seems to describe it as admiration & deference. Not every woman deserves admiration and deference, whether from men, other women, or trans people. Women should be regarded as equal, not better than, nonwomen.

This study found that when people treated women with less benevolent sexism, it was interpreted as hostility.

peteypete78 · 2021-02-11T08:47:45+00:00

[deleted]

NockerJoe · 2021-02-11T08:12:27+00:00

That depends entirely on how you define respect as a concept. Some people here define respect as a thing you earn. Some people define it as basic courtesy. Some people define it as being subservient to someone.

These are used interchangably but they're different concepts. Some people define men respecting only women who meet a certain standard of behavior, and so they're saying a man can only respect a woman who's behavior is up to a standard thats higher than he requires to be in a relationship with her. Some define it as a man who is in a relationship with a woman, but js rude and inconsiderate. Some people define it as a man who isn't subservient to the woman and affirming that by buying her things, or being supportive without getting support in return(and men who don't do this therefore don't respect women).

In the first case the guy was never too attached to the woman, and probably wasn't screening for a woman who acts in a way he thinks is respectable to begin with. In the second case the guy also isn't attached, but this time he's probably disrespectful in general, but isn't making an exception for his woman, in this case its the woman who isn't screening for behavior. In the last case the guy may be attached, but he doesn't care for acts of service or gift giving, or else he doesn't frame their relationship of a dynamic that requires him to give one sided acts of service.

Sid_Insidious · 2021-02-11T17:14:05+00:00

Women don't judge people based on merit.

They "respect" people who do what they want and fight with, dox, cancel, and rage against people who do not do what they want.

You can be a totally respectable person and get ZERO respect from a woman for one of two main reasons.

1) You have nothing she wants

2) You have what she wants but won't give it to her.

That's why no man should EVER worry about whether or not females respect him. He should only worry about respecting himself, meeting his own core values, and perhaps using the respect of other respectable men with comparable values.

I can satiate a toddler too - but that doesn't mean I am respectable. It just means I know how to give an unreasonable creature what it wants to quell it's tantrums.

GrandRub · 2021-02-11T10:07:59+00:00

i dont understand that either ... maybe many women think "respect" is something different from what many men think?

everyone deserves some respect - and then there is "respect" that has to be earned but no one needs to have that form of respect to be a good girlfriend or person.

i dont "respect" most people - but they are good people and did nothing wrong... and just because i dont "respect" them doesnt mean that i i disrespect them.

LillthOfBabylon · 2021-02-11T13:32:17+00:00

I came a bit late to that thread about women not understanding men just to check it out, and I was surprised by how many users as a matter of fact discussed the idea that "men don't respect women, even women they love"

Disagree. I would say CERTAIN MEN don't respect women, which is why they're always struggling.

"But assholes don't do that and they get women!"
Those assholes are super hot and know how to pick women dumb enough to put up with him. If you're a 5, you're not going to be that lucky.

moviecooknl · 2021-02-11T13:54:06+00:00

Respect is based upon a number of personal preferences (read: values) and I don't qualify my respect nor my personal preferences solely to genders.

I can have no respect for a person who is demeaning towards myself or my wife. I can have no respect for a person who comes in my home and thinks that my houserules don't apply to him or her. I can have no respect for a person who has no respect for my boundaries. Etc, etc.

However, I can't love a woman and be in a relationship without having any respect, attraction and/or chemistry towards her nor if she doesn't have that same level of respect, attraction and/or chemistry towards me.

Extremely__Moderate · 2021-02-11T16:31:15+00:00

Men: Name some women you respect, and why you respect them. This might be helpful.

mangolover97 · 2021-02-11T16:53:26+00:00

For me it’s because I take the men at their word who say these things. It’s not as if saying something like that is socially praised so I don’t see what motivation they would have to lie about that. For some men their behavior reflects this mentality as well. You can tell by looking at how they treat male vs female peers.

angeladimauro · 2021-02-11T17:18:45+00:00

I had a friend who told me he didn't respect his mother even though he loved her. He thought that her attitude towards life was wrong and that her profession (something about herbal healing) was a waste and since she didn't want to do anything else he seemed to resent her for not having a motivation for greatness that was similar to his own.

LeJacquelope · 2021-02-11T17:47:20+00:00

TRP men have zero respect for women. They dominate here. That colors women's opinions of men a lot.

jamesarmour · 2021-02-11T18:48:51+00:00

I respect women, I am a personal trainer and I see women as equals.

Espith1992 · 2021-02-11T19:00:35+00:00

Women's definition of respect is "give us everything we want whilst demanding nothing in return" - from that perspective, yeah, I guess it's fair to say most men don't respect women.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-02-11T19:02:08+00:00

I think there are two different definitions of respect, first of all. One is a special admiration that is earned, and one is just basic respect that should be given to everyone, at least unless they’ve done something to lose it.

The second question is if you can love someone and not respect them. I would say yes, you can love them in the sense of caring what happens to them, but you can’t have a good relationship with that person. I don’t respect my dad because of his consistent pattern of bad behavior over my whole life. I still love him because he’s my dad, I would be sad if he died. But we do not have a good relationship. It’s impossible without respect.

From what I can see, men have trouble with showing both kinds of respect for women. Some do of course, but enough don’t that it’s a problem. They may not realize they’re treating their male coworkers with more respect than their female coworkers, for example, but they still constantly interrupt them, talk over them, mansplain simple topics to them. In my experience, men do not listen much when women speak but expect us to actively listen to their monologues. This is an indicator of basic human respect, and it often doesn’t seem to be there. Every man I’ve dated or been friends with has dominated every single one of our conversations. It doesn’t matter if I know more on a topic, they’re still going to try to school me on it. Doesn’t matter if my eyes glaze over as they talk about something I have no interest in, they’re still going on about it for another hour. While if I start talking about something that doesn’t interest them, they immediately change the subject. And these guys are not jerks. All nice dudes I like. But they still do this. Does that mean they straight up don’t respect me or is it just a habit? I’m not sure, but it is tedious and affects how much I want to talk to them.

So what does this mean for relationships and marriage? When either or both people don’t respect each other anymore, it’s over. Doesn’t matter if you still love each other. The relationship won’t be good. Men not respecting their partners is huge, but it can definitely go the other way too, and either way it’s over.

Naus1987 · 2021-02-11T19:12:41+00:00

I don’t see how being treated with kid gloves is disrespectful.

You’re suppose to be overly cautious until you know someone better and adjust. That’s exactly what respect is lol. Being considerate.

PMmeareasontolive · 2021-02-11T20:25:26+00:00

what makes you think this is the case or normal among men?

It isn't. Obvious exceptions being if a woman does something inappropriate and tries to use gender as an excuse, which is not uncommon, online particularly. I'm not sure what the basis for the assertion men don't respect women would be.

Depends on how you define respect. We are talking about personal relationships here, so lets limit it to that. I would say respect means you care about the other person's feelings and you act with that in mind (at least part of the time). That isn't complex or beyond most men. To assert that men don't do this, or aren't capable, is a little disturbing.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-02-11T21:05:56+00:00

It starts when a man has sex with a woman and then ignores her.

From then on, the woman views the world through the lens of men not respecting her.

Prize-Thought-4205 · 2021-02-12T02:16:30+00:00

Probably because most american and western women aren't feminine like. Countless girls just burp out of nowhere now a days. Little things like that... just like how no female can truly respect a man who isn't masculine, dominant, powerful.

A lot of men have also dealt with women that acted "crazy" or "manipulative" or something and this causes them to see all women as less than permanently, since its easier to generalize than look at every human being as an individual.

s_slayer · 2021-02-12T04:10:04+00:00

My boyfriend deeply respects me. He’s always telling me I’m smarter than he is (truthfully only in certain ways, he’s smarter in others), he votes for women, he asks me for advice on stocks and buys and sells when I tell him to (and my track record isn’t perfect), and he always cares deeply about how I feel. He talks about his sisters very favorably and never trashes any of his exes. He often puts down his own gender and often feels embarrassed by them. Maybe he’s an outlier, and I do know a lot of guys don’t respect women, but I like to think the majority of them congregate on Reddit misogynist subs and don’t represent the average guy out there in the real world. I hope so anyway.

doubtinspades · 2021-02-12T05:38:19+00:00

You are trying to invalidate others opinions just because your opinion about it is different? Are you a sheltered kid, I cannot imagine how delusional you are if you are claiming it is not common sense that assholes exist. Do you also think patriarchy doesn't exist just because you might not have seen it in your home or that rich privilege exists? If you want to learn, listen, explore real world and empathize, if not support those whose voices are diminished institutionally for centuries.

jakethegreatwhite · 2021-02-12T05:53:29+00:00

Even i respect women and are reasonable much as possible, but im also that way with men. Just because we understand women and call out their bullshit it doesn't mean we hate them or wish violence against them.

PrayMyExDies · 2021-02-12T15:59:27+00:00

Theyre talking about attractive men. Sure the average redditor respects women, but who cares?

edwardpuppyhands · 2021-02-13T03:30:42+00:00

/u/87AudreyHorne : I'm a man. The idea that men can't or don't respect their lady is horseshit. If it was men you saw saying this, they're almost certainly high on the ASPD / dark traid spectrum, and want to justify to themselves that it's not that they're inherently morally bad, but that all men are or must be like that.

I have a girlfriend whom I deeply love and respect.

bigdaveyl · 2021-02-11T12:35:45+00:00

Because the posters you're talking about don't have a healthy view of people, especially the of the opposite sex.

801735 · 2021-02-11T07:57:11+00:00

"If I cut myself, then just like sex, I get another reason to moan."?

rivertorain- · 2021-02-11T08:41:30+00:00

[deleted]

Title	Wait, why do a lot of you believe that men don't respect women (including women they love)?
Author	87AudreyHorne
Upvotes	102
Comments	478
Date	February 11, 2021 7:47 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/lhfsle/wait_why_do_a_lot_of_you_believe_that_men_dont/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/wait-why-do-a-lot-of-you-believe-that-men-dont.743417 https://theredarchive.com/post/743417

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