I want everything, I offer absolutely nothing.

Briannax · 2020-03-13T09:16:11+00:00

150 kilos

A little fat?? Gosh they're delusional aren't they. A womans job is not to be your PT.

not-mrkrabs · 2020-03-13T10:10:47+00:00

"I'm looking for a hot fit woman (under 35, must have long hair) to be my personal trainer and personal chef, and also to have sex with me even though I'm extremely overweight. Oh and I live with my parents."

the AUDACITY

raddy-set-go · 2020-03-13T11:03:16+00:00

“Parasite seeking a host”

That should be the heading for far too many male dating profiles tbh.

Also what the hell is it with the fixation on having a woman to motivate and inspire them? Like they expect a woman to make herself a significant part of his life purely to serve a single function, which may not even end up serving that function?

hilariouslystated · 2020-03-13T09:31:41+00:00

"I'm with my parents for now, but I want to move next year (maybe with you? ;))"

So he's morbidly obese and a potential hobosexual too.

jmaydizzle · 2020-03-13T10:58:22+00:00

Fuck you Miguel you fat slob.

spacebubbletea · 2020-03-13T09:06:31+00:00

And he will ask you what YOU bring to the table. Umm, me? A reasonable, decent, hard working and loving human being that wants all but good for the potential partner? Plus, he’s basically an obese basement dweller

blackopium777 · 2020-03-13T10:12:54+00:00

I honestly hope that he stays obese for all his life. We all know that this entitled POS will use women once he gets fit (if that is even possible).I really wish males like him would simply disappear. The audacity.

thepastamancer · 2020-03-13T11:45:31+00:00

Women are so shallow and selfish! The hot ones won't fuck me or be my life coach, personal trainer, and chef for free!

blk_grl_lvl_up · 2020-03-13T11:32:34+00:00

He’s fat but wants a girl into fitness and in shape. Classic.

Emma_Lemma_108 · 2020-03-13T13:19:45+00:00

“Jabba the Hut looking for his Princess Leia.”

There, fixed it for him!

Liz_Lemondrop · 2020-03-13T10:31:11+00:00

Me: underemployed, live at home, shortish, morbidly obese, make excuses for my poor lifestyle, lonely shut-in, Certified Cat Boy.

You: thin, short, fit, a good cook, near my location, a drill sergeant and physical therapist, long-haired, no-tattoos or piercings (despite I, myself, having one), single, under 35, with a fertile womb.

I don't know where you found this person, but my god.

SpamNEggsDeuce · 2020-03-13T12:46:05+00:00

If I wanted to do DIY, I'd make a birdhouse. Not a boyfriend.

buddingQueenie · 2020-03-13T08:57:14+00:00

/r/choosingbeggars 😂

radical__daphne · 2020-03-13T12:09:31+00:00

"a bit fat"
330 pounds

VulcanSpaceSquirrel · 2020-03-13T11:15:33+00:00

Why nothing? He offers a tortilla. And also his big fat lazy ass who thinks people around him has to solve his problems. A girl to move in with, a girl to whip him into shape.

writerwrotewritten · 2020-03-13T13:53:46+00:00

"I work a bit on websites."

Basically jobless, living with his parents, AND fat. Holy Trifecta, let me just get in line for that...

Davina33 · 2020-03-13T08:57:30+00:00

150kg? 👀

PieOfMine · 2020-03-13T11:57:31+00:00

This must be a joke

even_thriller · 2020-03-13T12:37:22+00:00

Legit thought a dude had posted this on here but then omfg. So essentially he's looking for a bob the builder so he can level up and leave her for the woman he really wants. Gross.

saltyandpepa · 2020-03-13T13:56:03+00:00

The only part that sounds good is the cat! I'll take Luna and leave Miguel to his parents.

Kekekeke7777 · 2020-03-13T09:45:31+00:00

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣😂🤣🤣🤣😂🤣

detikripur · 2020-03-13T10:48:43+00:00

Sure Miguel. Wait for me mu other full time job without pay 😂🤪🖕🏻

detectivejuicee · 2020-03-13T14:19:33+00:00

Men think cooking is all they need to bring to the table. I swear my ex cooks every other day and believe that’s all i need. No dates, no fun things, he spent his whole day smoking weed and playing video games but “you’re asking for too much!!”

possumeggs · 2020-03-13T15:21:33+00:00

My ex tried to get me back by talking about how he didn't have anything without me, he needed me back, I had to help him, he couldn't do it without me...

Like, literally offered nothing in return. Just "I literally have nothing if I don't have you." Doesn't that mean that I have everything even when I'm by myself?

backforbeskar · 2020-03-13T15:13:32+00:00

The “I want to move next year, maybe with you ;))” was the cringiest

Hedy__Lamarr · 2020-03-13T14:09:34+00:00

I just can't wrap my head around being this delusional. Thankfully it sounds like this guy won't be passing on his genetics.

Resident_Biscotti · 2020-03-13T16:03:28+00:00

Welcome to Spain 😂😂 rip me

Literally a lot of men I met here are like that. Very critical of women but themselves living with mama, bald and out of shape

hongkonghenry · 2020-03-13T13:15:24+00:00

150kg? So 330lbs... And he wants a beautiful woman to inspire him to lose weight? Yeah no thanks pal.

2020-03-13T16:28:42+00:00

This is every man on dating apps. Even the ones who are in shape, and have their own place. They are there only to dictate their needs and could care less about you as a person. Barf!

watpompyelah · 2020-03-13T15:39:28+00:00

But, but, ladies: he cooks!!! /s

Also the him having a piercing but saying he doesnt want his lady to have piercing is hypocritical. Yikes.

TriSarahFlops · 2020-03-13T15:28:40+00:00

Assuming he magically lands a woman like this, does he really think he’s going to LIKE someone who points out his shortcomings? He’s gonna think she’s a bitch for wanting him to exercise and eat right. Your partner is not your life manager.

Blackgirlwanders · 2020-03-13T13:23:38+00:00

The nerve!!!

ontherailstoday · 2020-03-13T14:51:28+00:00

I'll have the cat called Luna, he can keep the rest of it.

perkypancakes · 2020-03-13T14:05:43+00:00

This just speaks volumes about how men think of women and how lazy they are willing to be honest about their own behavior. “ I gave up on myself for 10 years and now I am wanting a quality woman with her life together to settle for wasting her good life on fixing mine”. /s

MagnoliaMirage · 2020-03-13T15:48:28+00:00

Motivate yourself. I dislike people like this. Be your own savior. You'll thank yourself later.

Brisket_Queen · 2020-03-13T16:26:54+00:00

Only you can get yourself in shape, Miguel. You lazy fuck.

darkestpurple · 2020-03-13T14:02:49+00:00

The absolute cheek of this man is astonishing

masterofthebarkarts · 2020-03-13T14:35:59+00:00

My reactions reading this: this guy doesn't sound so bad wait no No NO ABORT ABORT ABORT OH MY FUCKING IS HE SERIOUS NO NONONON

Toomanyprollems · 2020-03-13T17:33:31+00:00

Hahaha omg "I'm fat and live with my parents can you fix me?"

writerwrotewritten · 2020-03-13T13:54:03+00:00

"I work a bit on websites."

Basically jobless, living with his parents, AND fat. Holy Trifecta, let me just get in line for that...

madamejesaistout · 2020-03-13T15:36:16+00:00

He doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants a personal trainer.

lifeyjane · 2020-03-13T16:49:43+00:00

This guy. 🤣😂 What a lazy, deluded clown.

chihiroaokii · 2020-03-13T14:53:42+00:00

Just… Hire a fucking fitness guide or something??

NakedMonster · 2020-03-13T17:02:10+00:00

Lmaooooo where do I sign up! /s

FodderFigureIllushun · 2020-03-13T17:34:29+00:00

I mean, he can want it and ask for it but he's not going to get it.
Super fit, beautiful women have the advantage of dating up. Why would they want to spend their time with a man who can't even be healthy for himself?

It also appears that he didn't list the things he can offer a woman of that caliber. Is he going to give her all his money so she can feel taken care of? What's in it for her that she has to surrender her womb to him and give him the honor of being seen with her?

B_Project · 2020-03-13T18:01:18+00:00

Looking for Pickmesha... anyone? Anyone?

normabelka2 · 2020-03-13T13:37:58+00:00

omg hahah

2020-03-13T15:11:38+00:00

[deleted]

okayrightsickcool · 2020-03-13T17:21:26+00:00

i just vomited lol

nana19_ · 2020-03-13T17:53:10+00:00

JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJJAJA

WorkFarkee · 2020-03-13T18:19:44+00:00

This is societys problem, just like with the people who murder. this person was told he was a man, a boy, a person of amazingness just cause he was a boy in a culture that values boys over girls. Thats why its so easy for him to make this list of demands. He sees no problem with asking for the things he "deserves." Because his mommy or whoever coddled the shit out of him and now hes a fucking menace.

But its the girls fault for wearing short skirts..

ana-moss-city · 2020-03-13T18:25:37+00:00

Dammmn, where did he get all the confidences?!?! where can i get me some of that. The AUDACITY!

Radtron3000 · 2020-03-13T17:39:10+00:00

YissPls · 2020-03-13T18:08:24+00:00

Miguel, come sit down over here and let’s reread this together. Can you spot anything that might make you sound like less of a catch?

riotous486saturn · 2020-03-13T18:17:46+00:00

[deleted]

woadsky · 2020-03-13T18:30:20+00:00

The entitlement doesn't even begin to describe it. How does one become so brazen to even request that given what he offers??? There must still be women in this world to accommodate.....Talk about male privilege.

sugaredberry · 2020-03-13T18:36:40+00:00

I cringed so hard about living with his parents and trying to move out with you bit, as well as that he needs a woman to get motivated to lose weight and better himself. 🤡

lillycrack · 2020-03-13T19:26:13+00:00

So he’s broke, obese, living at home...what exactly does he have to offer???

Sunflowerdaisy08 · 2020-03-13T18:03:37+00:00

I can’t stop laughing!!! 🤣🤣🤣

N2Gen · 2020-03-13T18:39:21+00:00

Good luck with that

Classic_Touch · 2020-03-13T18:55:34+00:00

Wow good luck haha. At least he is honest. They usually lie.

ResponsibleCharacter · 2020-03-13T19:07:28+00:00

haaaaahahah. "Oh and she must fuck my blob ass while I get in shape, which I won't actually do,"

The ultimate beggars can't be choosers.

throwdawholemanzaway · 2020-03-13T21:35:49+00:00

Lol I lived in Spain for years and this is typical, men 30+ still living with mommy or going home for her cooking every weekend, can't do a thing themselves. Also many Spanish women tend to have kids later so his "if you're 35+ sorry!" is a joke, many of my colleagues had children at 40. Not that anyone should even want to have a child with this piece of work. Next!

AlexxyaKat · 2020-03-13T14:52:05+00:00

This is sad.

mydeepestinnerworks · 2020-03-13T16:30:38+00:00

butterflyfrenchfry · 2020-03-13T16:45:59+00:00

So much cringe

siberiansummer · 2020-03-13T17:49:49+00:00

Omg lmao!!! The audacity!! What in the actual fuck? Is he serious?

laylamiller · 2020-03-13T19:47:41+00:00

I was just saying that even fat, unattractive men want supermodels. I know a guy like this, he's fat, cross eyed and not too bright, he honestly looks like Quasimodo. Thinks he can bag an "8" tho when he's at best a "4". He's not the ugliest guy I've seen but he's ugly.

2020-03-13T20:22:14+00:00

The entitlement is off the charts.

Tatpixie13 · 2020-03-13T21:52:16+00:00

Can’t imagine why he hasn’t had a girlfriend in 10 years.

BasieSkanks · 2020-03-13T14:17:35+00:00

Is this a joke?

sexypizzapuff · 2020-03-13T17:01:42+00:00

Lmao fucking disgusting

chungkingxbricks · 2020-03-13T20:16:46+00:00

LMAO

SecretGirlStuff · 2020-03-13T20:23:30+00:00

The fucking audacity of this loser!

miqotes · 2020-03-13T21:55:34+00:00

This has to be a joke post...or at least I wish it was.

Novemberinthechair · 2020-03-13T22:29:10+00:00

Dude, you want fries with that?

Huh? What? Your mom's asking you to take the garbage out? Go to it, then. Oh, are you out of breath? Go to a gym where fit women are. Huh? You usually don't go outside? Then stop trying to special order women, asshole. Who the fuck do you think you are?

Oh yeah, post an image of yourself. We need to make sure you're a fit specimen. Hello? Where's that image? It's time to check you out.

mypepsipussy · 2020-03-14T01:56:56+00:00

Plenty of women are more than fine having children over the age of 35. It’s always older men perpetuating this idea too. Fucking incels.

BlackEmeraldMoon · 2020-03-14T15:40:04+00:00

THE ENTITLEMENT

THE SHEER FUCKING ENTITLEMENT

InstantKarmaFish · 2020-03-13T23:44:18+00:00

> 150 kilos

> a beautiful girl in shape who likes sports and fitness

wut.

grimreapersdtr · 2020-03-13T23:47:36+00:00

I wonder if he's looking for a woman who is desperate to immigrate to Spain.

bitch_not_it · 2020-03-14T08:01:13+00:00

“Hello here are all the ways I will make your life a living hell

I spent years doing absolutely nothing and now I’m a terrible rut where I’m doing nothing and I don’t want to do anything. You need to be a 24/7 life coach who will give up your life to GENTLY, POSITIVELY, most of all SEXILY perform magic to make me a successful career man. It will have to be magic because don’t try to make me do any work
I am living with my mommy and daddy I am 35. You need to have worked your entire life so that you are situated in a house and let me move in, rent free, I will eat all your food because I can cook but you need to cook - healthy elaborate meals, also you need to do my laundry, you will give me an allowance. (Cool? ;))
I am 35 but you’d be absolutely right if you think I look way older than my age, and also if you think I’m lying about my age. Also I’m beating around the bush but I am physically the dumpiest mushiest repulsive excuse of a human man. You will need to have long hair (no tattoos or piercings even though I have tattoos and piercings), perfect smooth hour glass shape
I of course want a bunch of babies (SONS of course). You know my participation in the whole thing will end right after I don’t pull out, right? And I feel like I won’t even be able to drive you for your delivery, I may be busy :((
I am 35. If you’re 35, you’re literally insanely too old for me, absolutely ludicrous. If you were 13.. tbh.. I wouldn’t say no ... ;)))

Send me a message and wow me to be considered!”

2020-03-14T09:53:34+00:00

His entitlement is actually scary.

grand_tiremaster · 2020-03-14T20:17:35+00:00

Wow, a bonafide loser. He will probably be single for another 10 years then die from a heart attack, with all that fat and all.

supremelyparanoid · 2020-03-18T07:01:53+00:00

Oh Jesus is this real?!

BlueberryOrchid95 · 2020-03-14T03:07:01+00:00

He has piercings and a woman can’t? Hes 35 but a woman who’s 35 is too old? He can’t cook healthy but his gf must? He is fat but wants a woman who’s thin? He doesn’t workout but wants a woman who does? He wants kids but the woman isn’t allowed to have any prior? Like he’s at an age where that’s not going to happen lol. Hes short so good luck finding a woman shorter lmao. I mean I don’t think a tall or average height woman wants him anyway so I’ll let that slide.

Title	I want everything, I offer absolutely nothing.
Author	Celestine87
Upvotes	781
Comments	203
Date	March 13, 2020 8:31 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fhwfre/i_want_everything_i_offer_absolutely_nothing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-want-everything-i-offer-absolutely-nothing.680299 https://theredarchive.com/post/680299

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