I often see women complaining about their dating struggles and almost always it’s complaining about treatment they received from men. When describing the situation in which they receive the treatment nearly every time it’s them letting a guy hit, and then the guy turns out to not be who he says he is or who they think he should be. The key part of that is women by and large are the receivers of attention and the decision makers on that attention, and I don’t think a lot of women understand what that role entails. Because men are expected to pursue, only the most aggressive men are the ones that get through consistently, hence why women have problems. Women are getting bad sample sizes of men because only the truly daring will pierce the fog of war.

Say as a woman in one month you get interest from 30 men. Women often say they remember most the guys who either said something very clever, went up to them versus hung in the back, etc. This means that these men must have high confidence or at least be delusional about their actual chances, but also want the end product enough to be uncomfortable. As such if you’re selecting for the boldest man, you’re either selecting the most overconfident or the most desperate, neither of which results in positive things and generate a lot of complaints from women. You’re making the selection in hope you find the incredibly rare self-confident man who is confident because his particular skills or attractiveness matches the confidence, but also want you in particular and is not desperate but somehow wanted only you in this room. Statistically this seems like a bad idea, you’re essentially asking the lottery to come to you.

The solution then is simple. If women ask out the guys that they want they are selecting for the traits that they want versus selecting based on what comes to them, they’re the ones being aggressive in which case you’re getting a more safe sample size of men, and you’re finding dudes that are not desperate because you’re the one that approached them. All you hear about today for women is how men are much worse than they were years ago, and the answer that is obvious because as women have entered the workforce and have progressed that by definition means less opportunity can come to men. If you as a woman are expecting the same quality of guys as 30 years ago at the same rate of interactions, then you’re not adding up the math correctly.

I also don’t care if you don’t find an attractive that you have to go out and ask a man, times have changed. If you’ve ever complained about men finding homemakers attractive for the same reason, you can’t pull the same card. It also says that you are willingly entering a more dangerous sample size of men by not asking less bold men out who have other traits and prioritizing excitement over everything else, in which case you can’t complain about the quality of men you’re actually getting.