How would you react if the guy you were seeing told you he was a virgin?

houstongradengineer · 2022-02-13T19:08:51+00:00

I wouldn't be an issue at all. Would probbaly be sweet to share firsts... if you were dating for real companionship and not for sport.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-02-13T20:57:52+00:00

This exact thing happened to me. My reaction was basically "thank fuck". I was also a virgin and it meant everything meant as much to him as it did to me, I was less pressured to perform or put out before I was comfortable, and we had similar values regarding sex (not guarantees but virginity helps). If we broke up I'd still be completely fine with a virgin and wouldn't want someone who had been with a lot of people. It isn't even odd to be a virgin at that age.

KikiYuyu · 2022-02-13T20:05:01+00:00

I'm going to be a 30 year old virgin this year, it would almost be preferable to date a virgin at this point because my lack of experience feels more intimidating the older I get.

TrizzyG · 2022-02-13T21:01:11+00:00

Really depends on the impression you give to others as to why you're a virgin. If people think you're a virgin for a good reason they won't care, if they think you're a virgin because you're either too desperate or not attractive, then it'll be a problem at 17, 20 and any other age imo

nemma88 · 2022-02-13T20:10:47+00:00

I reacted by adjusting intimacy to his timeline rather than initiating stages myself.

Not a hypothetical.

greedyleopard42 · 2022-02-13T20:27:45+00:00

as long as he’s my type. the reason there’s a stigma around virgin men is because men have a reputation of being desperate for sex and trying really hard to get it- at first glance they may subconsciously think you just failed at all your endeavors, but over all i don’t think it would be a problem at all. definitely not a dealbreaker.

and actually if he’s a virgin despite having opportunities to have sex it may be seen as a good thing- like having high standards

fatalcharm · 2022-02-13T20:58:46+00:00

“Woohoo! I’m going to be the best he has ever had!”

Helpful-Thomas · 2022-02-13T23:26:15+00:00

Why would it ever be bad if someone were a virgin? Skill in the bedroom comes with time and simple communication. Plus you know you’re not getting someone who has bad experience, so they won’t have a false confidence about things that actually don’t work. Also being a virgin is not a display of desperation but of having standards. Anyone, and I mean anyone, could find some poor quality sex if they were actually desperate. And It mean prostitutes, obviously.

loganmacoy · 2022-02-14T05:02:49+00:00

I went to college and i didn't have sex until I was 28.

HOLYREGIME · 2022-02-13T19:04:14+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-02-13T19:16:45+00:00

My reaction would porbably be "ok *shrug*"

It would be weird if he would say that out of the context, like when the topic isn't about sex or generally about the concept of virginity or if it's one of the first things the guy would say to me.

Federal_Bat_5355 · 2022-02-13T23:34:11+00:00

Unconcerned. I've only ever dated virgins tbh. I don't aim for them, just happens to be that way. If anything, dating a guy who isn't a virgin is more intimidating.

totally___bear · 2022-02-14T00:35:01+00:00

23 YR OLD VIRGIN HERE

Substantial_Coast804 · 2022-02-14T08:26:03+00:00

I kept quiet about being a virgin and lost it at 19.

The woman I was with had no idea and said I was great.

Kattats13 · 2022-02-13T20:51:58+00:00

If I was VERY physically attracted to this person and emotionally, I would see it as a fun learning/ teaching experience. I mean a blank canvas has so many unknown possibilities 😊

quiturbitchn · 2022-02-13T19:26:39+00:00

At that age it wouldn’t have been a huge dealbreaker if you were open to learning and not just jackhammering your way through

Wwelloo · 2022-02-13T19:36:30+00:00

Honestly it would be a lovely thing.

ididntwanttoexist · 2022-02-13T20:32:58+00:00

I was 25. 20 is nothing. Just the fact that he's a virgin alone wouldn't make any difference, I'd need context. I'd prefer a virgin or low-n man if he were that way for the same reasons I'm low-n, but it tends to be the case that most inexperienced men over a certain age aren't that way by choice. I wouldn't date someone angry or highly insecure about it, or who wished they could be sleeping around but couldn't. 20 is so young it wouldn't really mean anything either way, though, and it wouldn't be surprising at all.

simeneta_two · 2022-02-13T19:29:14+00:00

I’ll echo what /u/quabbicoo said. If I was already into the guy his sexual experience or lack there of would make no difference. I’ve never asked a man what his N count is. I only found out my husbands after we got married.

However disclosing you’re a virgin early on would weird me out. And I’d feel the same way about a guy who told me slept with 20+ women within the first few dates.

EDIT: also want to add being a virgin at 20 is still within the normal range for Gen Z

H8beingmale · 2022-02-13T19:18:10+00:00

25 is when it seems to become a problem

cowfishAreReal · 2022-02-13T20:35:00+00:00

Sure ok, don't really care. When I started to date my boyfriend he was a virgin and we're both in college. I was a freshman, he was a bit older.

EviessVeralan · 2022-02-13T21:40:18+00:00

My husband and i were both virgins before we started dating. Whether or not it's an upside or downside depends on what you're looking for. If you're looking to date casually and hook up, the women may prefer a guy with more experience. If you're looking for an LTR or marriage material woman, then they're less likely to care.

Snoo_2853 · 2022-02-13T22:37:40+00:00

I'd ask how he feels about being one. Maybe it's a choice. Maybe he's saving it for marriage, or the one, or maybe he just hasn't clinched it for whatever reason. Either way I can't see it making a difference unless he's choosing to remain celibate for life.

_lexxxi_98 · 2022-02-13T22:38:53+00:00

This no joke just happened to me last night. Been snap chatting this guy for awhile, and didn’t know if we were actually going to meet. Last night we were FaceTiming and he dropped the bomb. It was so hard to believe him. We are similar in age, and by the snaps he sends he seems a bit more attractive than me so it totally threw me off. He just said he’s waiting to find someone he has general interest in and that would make it worth it. I mean I’m down for it, but I like a man that takes control and knows what he’s doing so kinda interested to see how it goes. I’m

Sorry_Restaurant_804 · 2022-02-13T20:07:48+00:00

If you are a man never tell a woman that you are a virgin, I learned this the hard way, I was dumb enough to listen to womens advice. Women are bad at sex anyway so dont beat yourself about it, just lie.

Remarkable_Sort_1706 · 2022-02-13T20:31:14+00:00

With empathy

Kay_Lore · 2022-02-13T22:26:23+00:00

In that age range, virginity for either gender is more common than you probably think. I would think it’s normal and it wouldn’t turn me off at all.

SocietalEngineering · 2022-02-13T23:13:37+00:00

Just lie. Definitely just lie. No one can verify if you’re a virgin.

AquaChip · 2022-02-13T19:51:58+00:00

If we were compatible I wouldn’t care.

Beltadowa · 2022-02-13T21:19:31+00:00

20 is not that old, so I wouldn't find it that strange. I suppose I'd wonder whether they suffered from shyness or anxiety, and if they were unable to initiate for whatever reason I wouldn't like that very much.

Mimoxs · 2022-02-13T22:35:23+00:00

Ideal

EstablishmentNo9482 · 2022-02-13T22:56:59+00:00

Not a problem at all. If all else were equal I’d prefer a virgin over a non-virgin since I am one myself. It’s kind of romantic to be each other’s firsts.

ohdiddly · 2022-02-14T06:03:02+00:00

Take his virginity so he never forgets me

stickyapplejuice · 2022-02-13T22:38:12+00:00

I’d immediately dump him

DonQOnIce · 2022-02-13T18:58:44+00:00

I lost my virginity at 19. It wouldn’t seem strange to me at all.

sarkington · 2022-02-13T19:15:16+00:00

In that age range? Fine

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-02-13T19:26:14+00:00

In that age range? No big deal.

SolidTunnelSnake · 2022-02-13T21:47:20+00:00

As a guy, I would never tell anyone about my sex-having status. If a someone asked me, I’d try to change the conversation, or if they were pushy and I needed to keep them around, I’d give some half truth or lie.

nemporisso · 2022-02-14T02:37:20+00:00

I'd try to seduce him

michimg · 2022-02-14T03:10:49+00:00

I female here. I was with a 32 year old once and I was is first. Didn't bother me at all!

Available-Ad-9338 · 2022-02-14T03:56:33+00:00

Being a young virgin is perfectly normal.

Spacetalks3114 · 2022-02-14T04:53:01+00:00

I wouldn't care. It's easier to teach a virgin how to please me, than a guy who thinks he's the best in bed that he isn't actually very good at all. Plus there's less risk of stds because he's a virgin.

Idk if I'm different than a lot of girls, but I think when a guy is with a large number of girls it's kinda gross. It might just be me though

Reisiluu · 2022-02-13T21:14:40+00:00

I met my husband at 19 when he was 21. He wasn't a virgin but in some ways he seemed inexperienced. It didn't bother me at all and I wouldn't have cared if he was a virgin.

Now in my 30s I would have questions.

LittyKitsune · 2022-02-13T20:29:21+00:00

There's a very good chance the guy I'm seeing is a virgin. It's not a dealbreaker, but I kinda hope he is. We're both religious, which might be an important bit of context.

MsGoogleEyes · 2022-02-13T20:32:20+00:00

whatever makes her feel comfortable

wtknight · 2022-02-13T21:02:11+00:00

[permanently deleted]

GlitteryDonkey · 2022-02-13T21:37:43+00:00

I wouldn’t be concerned at all. I know plenty of men and women who chose not to have sex until they were in their 20s.

Mentathiel · 2022-02-13T23:11:19+00:00

At that age it doesn't seem like a huge deal to me honestly. I would be curious to know the reason behind it and how he feels about it. If none of that raises red flags or mismatching values issues, I don't think it's a problem at all.

Sparkmetodeath · 2022-02-13T23:19:33+00:00

If it’s like a religious/spiritual choice than that’s alright. Shows he has commitment. If it’s involuntary, that’s a red flag and a half. There are some desperate ladies out there too; if even they said no, that’s a burning bush for me.

AngelxEyez · 2022-02-13T23:48:00+00:00

My bf was a virgin before me (he was 22, is 23 now) I didnt care he was passionate and in the moment and it was great. I guessed he might be one before we had sex just because he was pretty freaking shy haha

I asked him about it a couple weeks later and he said yea he had been one till then

NaturalQueer · 2022-02-13T23:48:04+00:00

All depends on how he views virginity, I have before been with a virgin and if I was still in the market it wouldn’t be something that turned me off of a person

RealNiceLady · 2022-02-14T00:01:24+00:00

How would you react if the guy you were seeing told you he was a virgin?

I would be very pleased.

would you find it a bit odd if a twenty year old guy you were seeing told you that he was a virgin? Would you be concerned or turned off at all?

When I was that age, male virgins were normal and preferred over more experienced men.

redditmcx · 2022-02-14T00:53:19+00:00

Lots of women will have a problem with it because they want someone confident and in control. It may benefit you to find someone that’s interested in you even if you don’t have a perfect connection but someone that you can experiment with. You may have to lower your standards. However getting that monkey off your back will help you later.

boofthegirl · 2022-02-14T01:13:10+00:00

I’m engaged but if I was single and a guy I was dating told me he was a virgin I wouldn’t really say anything. Probably be surprised but it wouldn’t worry me. I’d probably be a bit more attentive during our first few encounters but overall not make a big deal out of it unless he wanted me too. I’d hope it was a positive e experience for him regardless of whether we carried on the relationship after intimacy or not.

Shining-Polaris · 2022-02-14T01:50:24+00:00

I met a virgin when we were 24 and fell in love and married him. I thought it was respectable that he was waiting for the right person. My only regret is taking his virginity so soon, it was a big deal to him and I could have made it more special by waiting for the perfect time.

It is 8 years later and we are so happy.

covfefemen · 2022-02-14T02:11:15+00:00

Boss man, do you shower regularly? do you go on dates with women? Do you speak with any? Are any even entertaining the idea of going out with you? If those women are even slightly attractive to you then your doing way better then a lot of guys. Littarly go around ur college and find a bunch of dudes who don't shower and can't say they get any attention from women they find attractive at all.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-02-14T02:34:39+00:00

Since I’m nearing 30 myself, I’d be a bit surprised and curious as to why if a guy in my age range told me he was a virgin. But when I was your age, if a 20 yr old guy said he was? Not a big deal. You’re just barely out of your teens, and being a virgin in your early 20s isn’t that uncommon. And contrary to what is often said here, most virgin/low experience women prefer someone who is also inexperienced.

Prestigious698 · 2022-02-14T02:46:02+00:00

I’m scared of dating virgin men because of FOMO

Emergency-Regret6974 · 2022-02-14T02:53:31+00:00

I didn't have sex until I was 22, it's not that big of a deal.

silveryspoons · 2022-02-14T04:31:38+00:00

"You better be."

silveryspoons · 2022-02-14T04:33:22+00:00

>would you find it a bit odd if a twenty year old guy you were seeing told you that he was a virgin?

I literally can't get over people asking questions like this. Is it odd that a college kid hasn't wasted his life on sex with a girl he'll never see again? Is it odd? What?

I would be concerned if a 20 year old was not a virgin.

mandoa_sky · 2022-02-14T05:08:12+00:00

that's fine. there's more 20-something virgins than you think.

30-40 yr virgins tend to be a lot rarer

KaleidoscopeEyes12 · 2022-02-14T05:20:09+00:00

I was a virgin until I was 19* (now I’m 21). I still know a handful of people who are virgins so it’s probably not as uncommon as you think. I wouldn’t find it odd at all. I probably would do things exactly the same. I may not jump into things as fast, but only because I would want him to feel comfortable.

My bf had only been with one person before me and there wasn’t a lot of communication with his ex, so there was still a lot he didn’t know. In a way, we were both learning. I never held it against him that there was stuff he didn’t know or hadn’t experienced. In any relationship, it’s always important to be patient and understanding. So it wouldn’t bother me at all honestly.

Edit: I was actually 20 not 19 oops

idiotgirlhaha · 2022-02-14T05:37:28+00:00

I wouldn’t mind at all, unless he was unable to take any kind of initiative - meaning that I wouldn’t want to have to do all the leading for months and months without any effort on his end. When I met my current boyfriend, I was seventeen and he was 20- which meant he was more experienced, but I did as much as I could to learn and be proactive.

It would be totally fine if he were willing to give things a shot and risk failure, rather than being sexually shut off to the point of a one-sided encounter. I don’t think being a virgin has to impact your ability to have sex to any huge degree, it’s just a lack of first hand experience and maybe some technical ignorance and established confidence. As long as he had the courage and enthusiasm to experiment and figure things out, no problem. His mindset about it would be more important than the fact itself.

IveGotIssues9918 · 2022-02-14T05:39:58+00:00

Seeing as I'm a virgin myself, I would be glad.

I wouldn't want to be just another one on the pile to a man while he's my first everything. That inherently creates a power imbalance in the relationship.

And before you ask, yes, this goes both ways. I have no problem with sexually inexperienced men wanting sexually inexperienced women- in fact, it's a benefit to me. The problem is when 40 year old men spend 25 years sleeping with everything that moves and suddenly think they deserve a 20 year old virgin to have children with.

2022-02-14T06:17:38+00:00

It’s not weird. I’d be thrilled because I can break you in myself. And you’re likely STD free.

hijynxxxx · 2022-02-14T06:18:48+00:00

Virginity is such a stupid concept and cultural hangup omg

froderenfelemus · 2022-02-14T06:46:35+00:00

I wouldn’t mind at all tbh. There’s nothing wrong with it, everyone has their own pace

relativelyignorant · 2022-02-14T06:47:43+00:00

I don’t think they’d mind if you went about it being focused on their needs. 1. No STD risk from you, but if they are not a virgin it is reasonable and necessary to protect yourself. 2. Potential to learn how to do the right things by her without being influenced by previous experience. Be a good learner and be open to instruction. Accept your first try isn’t going to be your all star best. 3. Look after each other, including each other’s bodies.

AntWillFortune15 · 2022-02-14T07:32:56+00:00

Say “aww” and kiss him. This doesn’t turn me off lol. It puts me at ease actually.

lonely_mixtape · 2022-02-14T07:53:50+00:00

My bf was a virgin when we started dating (as was I). Not a problem. It's preferable for me. If he wasn't a virgin, it would be something I'd need to have a conversation about before starting a relationship.

LochNessMother · 2022-02-14T09:42:48+00:00

The virginity isn’t a problem, but if they are bitter about it, or have major hang ups about sex then that might be more of a problem. But at 20 those things are going to be less likely.

Oh hold up, wait, I just did the maths… what age do I think it’s normal to first have sex …. 18? (It’s been almost 30 years since I was 18, so…?) , so if they are 20 it that means they haven’t lost their virginity in the last 2 years. What have they been doing… oh yeah, staying inside and not seeing anyone because of the pandemic…

LowImagination3028 · 2022-02-14T11:47:47+00:00

Why would it be odd?

Virginity is a very personal thing, and there are a myriad of reasons as to why someone might not have lost it. Religious reasons, waiting to find someone special, not being interested in hookups, or just general social anxiety.

And twenty is still very young. As a woman, I would just chalk it up to waiting until college to find someone special (not an uncommon phenomenon)

So no. It’s not weird to me at all. I personally find virginity to be admirable. If someone has an issue with it, perhaps they aren’t the one.

ulikethebeach · 2022-02-14T12:45:13+00:00

Have sex and then the problem evaporates

42nanaimobars · 2022-02-14T13:01:32+00:00

I’m a 20 year old virgin. If I was dating a guy who was a virgin, I’d be happy.

rick-dicking-morty · 2022-02-14T13:57:52+00:00

I’m a woman and I prefer virgins.

ChromaticVengeance · 2022-02-14T15:30:24+00:00

My husband was virgin at 25 when we have started dating, had no idea, given how laid back he was I expected he would be more experienced than I was.

How did I not care? Well, I am sort of nerdy loner myself that has also had little to no experience in dating +++ he was attractive enough to me (personality and physically) appearance wise) that overlooked that. Lastly, he jumped ahead in, not caring much about feeling ashamed. What was the worst that could happen beside getting laid ?

Goth_Lizard · 2022-02-14T15:30:47+00:00

No, I’m not a monster. I would be more concerned on his judgement of me being a non virgin, but then again. I wouldn’t date a man that would judge me based on tht. I don’t judge your previous sex history (barring anything like rape/assault ) and if you don’t judge mine there is no issue.

Sophiatab · 2022-02-14T18:26:54+00:00

I spent my entire 18-23 years searching for a guy who was a virgin and got very bitter over being unable to find such a man.

Glittering_Ad_1415 · 2022-02-14T20:03:31+00:00

He did and I fucked him

HeartCatchHana · 2022-02-14T21:50:44+00:00

Drive-By-Cuckers · 2022-02-15T22:57:48+00:00

As a guy personally I would be hesitant if a girl told me she was a virgin because I would feel like I was a bad influence on them since most virgins are not experienced in other areas of life either and I’m constantly around drugs and alcohol. I haven’t had sex while completely sober for like 6 months and I wouldn’t want her to end up living that sort of lifestyle if she wasn’t already.

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chromie96 · 2022-02-13T19:47:58+00:00

it wouldn't phase me tbh. If it was a one time thing, maybe. But if i was dating someone and interested in them then it wouldn't matter to me

Title	How would you react if the guy you were seeing told you he was a virgin?
Author	Remarkable_Sort_1706
Upvotes	83
Comments	404
Date	February 13, 2022 6:54 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/srpxk1/how_would_you_react_if_the_guy_you_were_seeing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-would-you-react-if-the-guy-you-were-seeing.1100839 https://theredarchive.com/post/1100839

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