If a man is a commitment phobe, he cannot be in a relationship or get married because he would need to commit to a woman.
One option is to find women who simply want to have sex e.g. try to get into a "friends with benefits" arrangement. However, the man would need to be very attractive in order to get this. If a man cannot be exploited for providing commitment or money, he could be exploited for providing sex. But as mentioned, the man needs to be attractive. He needs to have a good body, behave in a certain way, etc.
Another option is for the man to visit sex workers. However, there is evidence out there that if a man visits sex workers, he is contributing to trafficking of women. Some men may not care, but let's say this hypothetical man cares.
Therefore, if a man is unattractive, commitment phobic, and doesn't want to visit sex workers over fears he may harm them, what can he do? Is there simply nothing that he can do?
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[–]PurpleTrollaway9751 points [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
Married men live longer than unmarried men. That's not newlyweds, that's old people married 40+ years. Most wives overall improve the man's physical health and quality of life (cooking, cleaning, healthier diet and habits, taking care of him when he gets sick). Children, family pressure... shit you're the one thinking about young people. What about cancer treatments and shitting into a bed pan?
Most men don't have emotional support outside their wife or female friends. Lonely men commit suicide at much higher rates. Also alcoholism and drug addictions.
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[–]PurpleTrollaway9751 points [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
That may be true for married 30-40 year olds who let themselves go vs single 30-40 trying hard to slay on dating apps (ignoring the 50%+ singles who are too out of shape to get dates). Later in life that changes. There aren't many single, fit old men. There are plenty of lonely old men who just let themselves go.
Perhaps that could change if more men learn to properly cook, clean, take care of themselves, manage emotions, and manage their lives independently. I also manage my life better than any ex could, but that's not true for a large number of men. Most men are better off with women taking care of them... or just need to learn to get their shit together if they're that terrified of divorce.
Those divorced men killed themselves because they were single, not because they were in a marriage. That still shows they were healthier married than unmarried. Had their marriage worked or had they remarried, they probably wouldn't have ended up that way.
Sounds like your concern is not about men being worse off in marriage but men ending up worse IF a marriage fails. There are a lot of men who suffer, but men can protect ourselves from that fallout. Sign a prenup and keep separate finances. Learn to take care of yourself independently. If divorce happens, go to fucking therapy immediately and don't wait for the depression to turn into addictions, self-harm and suicide. We men need to take more ownership of managing our emotions and traumas whether divorced, single, never married, or whatever.
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[–]PurpleTrollaway9751 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
No, he killed himself because the wife getting the house kids & money made him FEEL bad. He didn't know how to cope with those FEELINGS, adapt to change, and still live a happy life on his own. Therapy. People go through much worse and don't kill themselves. It's not the objective situation, but that he can't cope with his feelings over it. Therapy.
A lot of those guys also depended on the wife to cook and clean and can't take care of themselves, so their quality of life goes to shit, contributing to their depression, then job loss and homelessness. Self-sufficiency skills make it easier to bounce back.
In most places laws have changed so men don't end up homeless from divorce, because older alimony laws are ridiculous in a world where women have equal rights. If you're much richer, sign a pre-nup. Separate finances. Nowadays most women work, so middle class men are less likely to owe alimony (or that alimony is small). Men can get joint custody. Hell, I know men that left divorces with the wife's money!
Plenty of divorced people end up fine. The suicides and TRP nightmare scenarios are a minority. If you're that concerned over it, take precautions so you can't get screwed if it ends.
IRL every guy I know who got supposedly crippled by divorce is also a deadbeat who can't take care of himself and has an explosive temper or other serious problems predating the divorce. The other divorced people bounced back and ended up fine. Of course deadbeats lack the self-reflection to recognize how their own shortcomings contributed to their situation, and when they anonymously rant about divorce on the internet they don't disclose their own faults and exaggerate how much they were victimized, so that creates the impression to others that divorce-rape fucks unsuspecting good people out of the blue.
Do you have stats on men who ended up homeless due to alimony payments?
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I'm not sure attachment styles can be changed as the trauma that causes a dysfunctional attachment style occurs very early on in life.
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That's bad advice. Therapy is not going to make him attractive.
We all know about the Blue Pill "Self Improvement Myth" so often touted here on PPD.
I recommend he learns to quelle his libido or learn ways to release it without actual sex. Works wonders for many men.
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Therapy can help him get over his phobia.
[–]Insidious-Sid1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
What, his phobia? His... fear of rejection?
An ugly man fears rejection for good reason. As does the short man, the poor man, the short-dicked man...
Low value men fear rejection only because they're smart enough to know that low value men are frequently rejected.
Helping this man overcome his fear of rejection is just going to creep out a whole bunch of women, needlessly.
Giving a low value man undeserved confidence is irresponsible.
Hey is this Black Guy in London?
You changed your flair.
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Which is hilarious considering there have been very few incel related attacks. And all those labels do is push them further to the outer fringes of society.
Can't get laid? Oh, you're no longer just a sexless male, you're "the biggest threat to national security."
Funny shit.
[–]SUS_pended1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah and how are they gonna decide who is and who is not threat? Test men weekly for traces of vagina on their penis? And if they didn't get laid past week, then put them on watchlist? Put them in prison for being a loser that can't get laid? lol so stoopid
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