The women who advise men they should get to know women as "people" first before trying anything also crap on "sneaky nice guys" for having with ulterior motives

Hermit41 · 2022-12-11T03:19:22+00:00

Women don’t know shit about picking up girls and what they attracted to themselves first of all, literally if you do the shit they say to do when it comes to dating the majority of the time you will be put into the friend zone or walked over lol.

West-Ad-9697 · 2022-12-10T18:49:28+00:00

Women's advice is aspirational, not transformational. They would like a world where they maximise their choice and have informed choices.

Women do not want that buffet to be filled with creeps however. Women give advice to guys that are fuckable about how to be easier for them to have relationships with.

Women do not want creeps to get into the dating market and crumple their good vibes. And unfortunetly they do not have the experience of seeing guys go from creeper to jeepers. In her mind a solid guy, is a solid guy because he was just born with it. It's part of the fantasy. Knowing he has depression, struggles to smile and his comedy routine is faker than Fallon's laugh - brings down her fantasy and she feels at best decieved, at worst feels like she can't trust men or her instincts in finding the right guy anymore.

toasterchild · 2022-12-10T15:32:50+00:00

I think that advice is usually given to guys with no comfort around women so they can work on getting comfortable around women. Like once you start thinking of women as normal people with normal ass desires you won't put them on a pedistal so much. You will lighten up around them. You will stop feeling the need to guess what they want to hear.

It's not about how to get those women you befriend themselves just make some friends to get comfortable so you won't shit your pants when you talk to future women.

If your already comfortable approaching then you should do that, always make you sexual interest clear a soon as you can.

jellybeanzandtings · 2022-12-10T16:43:04+00:00

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prizefighterstudent · 2022-12-10T21:24:52+00:00

Be good looking. Be normal. Have social proof.

These are the things that matter — not whatever contrived paradigms / lazy Internet idioms these girls keep spitting!!

throwawaylessons103 · 2022-12-10T17:04:25+00:00

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muhkiim · 2022-12-11T10:07:26+00:00

It's always good to be friends with your partner. If you start out as friends, cool. The only thing people have an issue with is someone pretending to be your friend, building that platonic relationship and coming to value it, only for the other person to scrap the friendship once they know they're not going to either get laid or get into a ltr.

Personally, I'm always for people just being upfront about their intentions. At least in my experience, it leads to fewer complications. Sure, rejection happens, but that's always going to happen.

fizeekfriday · 2022-12-10T16:08:40+00:00

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Ohmaygahh · 2022-12-10T15:21:09+00:00

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daddysgotanew · 2022-12-10T15:34:55+00:00

Being friends with women you have feeligs for is so stupid. Imagine she dates 6ft tall chads from Tinder while you jerk off to her insta pics at home and send her messages all day. Very stupid and horrible advice. Ask her out. If she says no, stop talking to her and move on

prizefighterstudent · 2022-12-10T14:52:24+00:00

You’re not obligated to take anyones advice. Keep doing it your way.

MiaRX22 · 2022-12-11T06:37:50+00:00

I think just making your intentions known always makes sense. You're not giving honest space for rejection by pretending to be a friend, you're just lying about things in the hopes that it somehow changes things and unless you were like HONESTLY a friend I don't think it actually ever works out

A guy that's bold about being into you is sexy af and if it was going to work it's always the right thing to do. If you get rejected tough cookies I guess. You were probably going to be rejected if you pretended to be a friend anyway so I don't see how it's advantageous to just spend ages trying to befriend someone that would ultimately reject you anyway

Queasy-Cherry-11 · 2022-12-11T13:23:02+00:00

'Talk to women you are interested in like they are people and get to know them' doesn't mean 'make friends with her before showing any interest'. It means showing her you are interested in her as an individual, rather than as a random attractive woman.

You can and should still show your attraction, it's just showing your attraction to her personality and interests, rather than solely an attraction to her body. Which will be more effective as it sets you apart - knowing you think shes hot means nothing, every guy thinks shes hot. Knowing you find her fascinating and interesting, now that's a compliment she doesn't get as often.

It's also a matter of time scale. She should know you are interested by the end of the conversation. But if you skip the conversation and go straight to pick up lines, you are just yet another dude trying to fuck every woman he sees, and that's a huge turn off.

MarBitt · 2022-12-10T17:15:14+00:00

Most women cannot empathize with how desperate a man can be in such a situation and how much his horniness will influence his judgment. They usually find such a man just pathetic and disgusting, so they don't even have the motivation to empathize with him.

This is because a woman's sex drive usually does not work like a man's. A certain man may be interesting to them, but they need to get to know him a little and need him to desire them before that ignites their own sexual desire. So they often need the man to initiate and be the active one. And the whole know women as people first, friends first and gradually warming up, they perceive it as pleasant because there is no pressure and they need it as a kind of prelude.

Once they're ready for sex, the man is usually ready for it a long time ago, so they don't know the frustration of wanting sex for a long time with some man, fantasize about him every night, masturbate with images of him several times a day, and get horny whenever they meet him, but having to wait months for him to decide.

If a man feels a strong sexual desire for woman from the first moments and all the time has to control his arousal, which her proximity evokes in him, they empathize with it badly. So the advice is based on how a woman imagines she would do if she had a male body but still a female mind. And that condemnation is actually for the fact that the man does not have the female mind and attitude.

ChainSmmoker · 2022-12-10T15:01:11+00:00

It doesn't matter as long as the woman is sexually interested in you.

Ambassadior · 2022-12-10T15:01:11+00:00

The truth is you cannot hide your intentions. The sooner or later your intentions will be revealed. Now it can be before the act (unlucky for you) or it can be after the act (unlucky for her considering she wanted something more than sex).

play it slow, go the friends first route, maybe it will lead to something more

Read this yourself. It clearly tells us all what intentions you have in mind when you want to become friends with a woman.

alangarkel · 2022-12-10T15:19:14+00:00

“Get to know” does not mean “become a close, supportive, platonic friend”. I suppose this level of subtlety may be beyond some men.
The defining characteristic of the NiceGuy is getting angry and whiny when Nice doesn’t get them what they want, not being Nice itself

vaginalextract · 2022-12-10T22:39:33+00:00

The deciding factor is whetyer the other party is interested in you or if they're looking for something. If yes, either of the techniques would work. And if not, neither would. You flirt with them and if they respond positively then you proceed accordingly. If they don't, just leave them alone. Dont blame it on bad advice or the woman for having preferences. Women are humans. Be human when you're interacting with one. There's no sure shot algorithm that you can or should follow to "get one".

RentedPineapple · 2022-12-10T15:35:27+00:00

You can put in the effort to understand a person while also being upfront that you have romantic and or sexual intentions. The two are not exclusive.

itsokiloveu · 2022-12-10T21:25:26+00:00

As a woman, we can tell from a mile away whether you’re just trying to be nice to get laid or you’re being nice because you’re actually a good person. I can sniff out the difference in fake chivalry and actual, genuine interest very quickly

revente · 2022-12-11T02:23:45+00:00

I don't fuck things. I don't fuck meat.

I only fuck people.

Fucking those women is 'getting to know them as people'.

And I'm always absolutely delighted when a girl has more to offer than sex. Too sad that often they don't.

Kat_337 · 2022-12-11T02:25:38+00:00

So I noticed that you used a quote about when men try to befriend women first, but then you kinda percieved it a bit strangely in my op. The person said 'cosplay friendship' as in fake it. But then you applied it to all situations where men take that route, which is just inaccurate. Women want to genuinely befriend men, not have the man act like their friend only for his 'main motive'. There IS a difference between telling yourself you genuinely see women you are attracted to as a person, and then ACTUALLY seeing women as people who can be in a friendly relationship without sexual undertones. Its concerning you didnt come to this conclusion yourself.

2022-12-11T03:56:59+00:00

Here is my opinion from my understanding of mainstream women is they have hard time understanding relationships change. If they identify you as a friend then they seem like they are unable to accept or see that friendship can change into romance. The foundation of romantic relationship is friendship after all. I think women just need to learn to accept that relationships can change and it's not because men are manipulative assholes it's just we need to get timing right. The real problem with nice guys is that they react hostile towards rejection not that they wanted to become friends to date. I also think women shouldn't care about loosing the guy friend because he is not a friend he is just an acquaintance. For an example if a guys has been talking to a girl three weeks, asks her out and gets rejected and stops spending time doesn't mean she lost a friend only a potential friend. But let's be real the guy did this not because he sees her less than human but instead maybe he has too many friends already and doesn't need more friends. Plus as women you have friends already why the fixation of wanting guy friends I don't understand. If you are by chance lonely then as women you should speak out your intentions as well. This goes both ways in which guys explain their intention as soon as possible while girls need to accept he is not a friend yet it takes time to become friends, the getting to know you part is not friendship it's acquaintanceship.

MistyMaisel · 2022-12-11T05:36:45+00:00

I think I'll try to put this simply:

How did you make your best friend in the world? Was it some high stakes job interview style dinner and a movie and then you realized you'd be great partners in crime?

Probably not, right. Much more likely you guys just slowly gravitated together, hung out, didn't have big expectations and pressures. And one day you realized like, this person is your best friend in the world and you guys have maybe an awkward making it official moment that's either spoken or unspoken. But mostly, you'd be hard pressed to point at the exact day you guys became best friends in the world. (Or friends of any kind for that matter).

All women are advocating for to these hapless men, is that they do dating like this. Because it will work more more often for them than cold approaching or being quick with intentions. Because a romantic relationship is pretty close to a best friendship. If you pressure stuff early, it won't be healthy. It won't flourish. It won't be based on a genuine compatability.

And you should be seeking that. If you're just in proximity and getting to know for sex or crush or whatever, you aren't gravitating. You're pulling. And you are a dishonest predator. Your original dishonesty was with yourself and then her.

But this isn't a requirement. You can just go out and hang out and get to know people who happen to be women with no pressures attached.

AidsVictim · 2022-12-11T17:56:18+00:00

Women have very little idea about how the social-sexual dynamic works for men (simply because they haven't experienced it) beyond knowing that most men in their social circle get laid, so it must just be as simple as being friends with women (which is partially correct).

AngelxEyez · 2022-12-10T16:26:58+00:00

Make female friends with the intent to make new friends. Then DONT try to convert them into sexual partners. Just have female friends. Get comfortable interacting with women and hopefully take them off the pedestal and start seeing them as regular people.

Then use this experience to meet other women than your friends (maybe even their friends)

prizefighterstudent · 2022-12-10T18:05:23+00:00

You're not understanding the first piece of advice. Men who cannot flirt or interact with women need to learn yo be friends with women first, as truly platonic friends. Not to become something else later. It's clear that a lot of sexless men don't have much experience even talking to women but want to have sex, but there are quite a few steps in between.

HolyPipidastra · 2022-12-10T15:13:00+00:00

You can make your intentions known and try to get to know them as a person. This isn’t mutually exclusive.

CimZim · 2022-12-10T14:57:23+00:00

If the thread is made by a guy getting zoned routinely by women he befriended, they would just crap on him for being a dishonest predator with 'ulterior motives'. lol.

The times I see this, and admittedly say it myself, is when the guy pretends to be a friend with the sole goal of getting her in bed and then leaving. Like if the man does not actually enjoy spending time with the woman, doesn't want to be friends, isn't interested in the same hobbies, and when they do hang out he's just doing it to hopefully get sex in the future.

This is extremely different from when a man really DOES become friends with a woman, and his emotions go from "she's a good friend" to "I wish we were more than friends". In some cases this works out because she reciprocates his emotions and they become FWB or start dating. In other cases, she still only wants to be friends, so then he has to decide if he's cool with their normal friendship.

ricar426 · 2022-12-10T15:59:10+00:00

Did you know that you can treat women as people and state your intentions at the same time? It requires a little bit of restraint and attention. I'm sure you can figure it out, buddy.

Raileyx · 2022-12-10T14:54:50+00:00

"Yikes men will literally cosplay friendship in the hopes of being able to ram their dick in someone."

yeah, they can generally tell the difference between someone actually trying to get to know them, and someone only pretending that they want to get to know them because it hopefully increases their chances of getting laid.

Just look at how you're framing this: "Go the friends route", the fact that you see it as a "route" that leads to your actual goal (getting your dick wet), proves that you haven't followed or even considered their advice at any point. And now you're disappointed that it doesn't work and cry about them being supposedly hypocritical. Funny how that goes.

So what do you know, it's actually still the same advice and there is no hypocrisy. The fact that you can't tell is unbelievably sad.

DeJuanBallard · 2022-12-10T21:36:53+00:00

It's all about victim hood, reject the narrative, reject them

loneprofessor · 2022-12-11T00:51:45+00:00

The problem is you’re fighting nature. Most would more readily bang a hot stranger than someone they know cares about them for sure, these things aren’t rational.

From personal experience you can absolutely be just friends if you let go of the idea of you two being together in that way, but…you have to actually be good friends to each other.

Guys are people too, not selfish goblins waiting to pounce at every opportunity for personal gain. Not all of us at least.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2022-12-11T02:34:54+00:00

Ze wemen!

Who cares, don't listen to them, never go friendship-first and be straight about what you want.

"I WANT ZE SEX!"

Yeah, but I think you'd appreciate a nice smile and eye contact first.

I say be direct but not rude.

Who cares what socially anxious introverts on reddit say? stop listening to them. Go out, try something and report back with your findings

Laurely4u · 2022-12-11T03:06:57+00:00

It’s best if the gentleman uses words like couple, romance, courtship, going on a date, or otherwise makes his intentions clear. Friendship fraud is not the way to go

Diddy_1978 · 2022-12-11T10:37:19+00:00

There’s a huge difference between pretending to be a friend so that you can get into a woman’s knickers, and being friends with a woman and then actually developing feelings for her and she developing feelings for you. Women are saying that they like nice guys, and establishing relationships, not creeps who pretend to be their friends to have sex, and not pervs who treat them like sex objects.

Dafiro93 · 2022-12-10T14:59:06+00:00

The issue is that you're placing expectations that it could lead to something more. I've dated friends in the past that I had no feelings for because we were both in relationships but when we happened to both be single at the same time, we decided fuck it, let's go on a date. If it works cool, if not then we can agree that we're better off as friends.

AConcernedParent · 2022-12-10T15:52:27+00:00

You can be up front with your intention while also getting to know someone on a deeper level. I’ve dated people I had hooked up with a handful of times without really getting into the people we were and then finding out we had sweet fuck all in common past the physical attraction.

moldovan0731 · 2022-12-10T18:01:51+00:00

This may sound depressing, but this is just another way to put the non-"alpha", non-chad guys out of the equation.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2022-12-10T15:31:58+00:00

The only solution is to not try to befriend or talk to women.

LoverBaite · 2022-12-10T15:28:43+00:00

you can make your intentions clear AND treat people as people

mumblebumblegrumble · 2022-12-10T18:17:34+00:00

I only take issue with men that are willing to decieve to get their dick wet but still want to be seen as the nice guy. Nah, own that shit like hard core gold diggers own that shit.

You're after ass and will lie to women looking for relationships to get a pump and dump. You don't also get to be the good guy.

But supposedly women are the ones that don't take accountability.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2022-12-10T15:28:05+00:00

There is very big difference between befriending someone solely for the purpose of trying to get with them and genuinly finding someone interesting to hang out with and catching feelings for them later.

Someone cold approaching only because they find you hot and someone trying to act like your friend because they find you hot are virtually the same thing.

Birb-brained · 2022-12-10T15:59:16+00:00

I thought the whole ‘nice guy’ thing is those who immediately shift as soon as they know they aren’t getting any from polite/kind into total arseholes.

Like saying ‘you fat bitch I didn’t want you anyway’

That’s not getting to know someone with the hope of maybe something more, that’s just pretending to be nice in order to get sex then flipping the tables the moment it’s denied like you were never taught good sportsmanship by your parents.

bluestjuice · 2022-12-10T17:27:44+00:00

Come on, this isn’t that hard.

Just be respectful, be honest, and take it a bit slow. If you have to analyze your approach strategy like it’s an invasion of Rio de Janeiro, that’s a sign that you are probably too focused on ‘winning’ and need to take a step back to experience people as humans.

KikiYuyu · 2022-12-10T19:01:28+00:00

Getting to know women as people and having ulterior motives are mutually exclusive. Trying to befriend a woman to get a chance in bed with her is not getting to know her as a person.

gymbro718nyc2 · 2022-12-10T16:38:30+00:00

There is a difference between hiding your sexual agenda and trying to befriend a woman hoping one day she will realize what a great guy you are and open her legs for you AND making your sexual agenda clear and getting to know a woman to figure out if she's someone you like as a person and not a collection of moist warm holes.

Infamous_Guide_8994 · 2022-12-10T17:59:27+00:00

The answer is that they do this because they expect you to know your place before even thinking about approaching. The advice of befriend first and then ask out works when she's attracted. The direct approach also works when she's attracted. No approach will work if you're a regular guy.

jellybeanzandtings · 2022-12-10T15:41:54+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2022-12-10T17:46:26+00:00

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george__whorewell · 2022-12-10T15:56:35+00:00

My take on it is that you will have much more success with dating if you view women as people instead of viewing them as a conquest or an achievement. Approach women that you're attracted to in appropriate settings (don't hit on people when they are at work, alone at night, etc.). Be confident, but don't act like a douchebag; being friendly and respectful goes a long way.

-Make female friends without having any intention of sleeping with them. Find women who have the same interests as you and whom you enjoy hanging out with. It's just like making friends with men. If you view women as people instead of some strange alien species, it makes talking to women you're interested in much less scary.

-The internet's view of the "friendzone" is extremely warped sometimes. For some reason, people seem to think that friendship is the step below a romantic/sexual relationship when it really isn't. Friendship is just a different type of relationship, but it is not less valuable than a romantic relationship and it's important to remember that (HOWEVER, having feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same way still sucks.)

-There is a big difference between developing feelings for a friend and feigning friendship with an ulterior motive. You should be friendly with women that you're interested in! You should have interesting conversations like you would with a friend! You should also be upfront about your intentions (not in a creepy way!). Simply making friends with women in the hopes that they will sleep with you is really lame. You are going into a friendship with the expectation that it will lead somewhere else when it might not, which is not fair to you or to the person you are "friends" with.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-12-10T15:13:23+00:00

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chingness · 2022-12-10T18:29:16+00:00

Get to know women as people yes Don’t see them as targets - they are actual people IF there is mutual attraction and that builds then sure get into a relationship but don’t expect one or only be in the friendship with the intention of turning it into something sexual, and don’t get angry if it doesn’t turn into something more.

How hard is this to understand honestly?

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-12-10T20:00:21+00:00

I can see the confusion, but the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Dating is supposed to be getting to know the other person, but you’re also making it clear that this is not just a friendship and it is leading to a romantic relationship. Women generally get upset when men push the physical aspect right away, but not when men simply ask them out. Likewise, most women don’t mind if you move a little slow and want to get to know her before asking her out, we get upset when you pretend to want nothing more than friendship for months or years and then ghost when we get a boyfriend. Pretty big difference there.

Making friends or just being friendly with women you are not romantically interested in can also be good because it’s expanding your social network, they may introduce you to single friends, plus you’re getting more comfortable talking to women. Making more male friends also cannot hurt. Expanding your social circle can only help.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-12-10T17:48:37+00:00

Yikes, men will literally cosplay friendship in the hopes of being able to ram their dick in someone!

We need to view women's false frigidity for what it is.

When women exaggerate their "ick" response, they've got a Madonna-Whore complex, where they suppress sex unless it's clandestine. Freud wrote about it in "On the Universal Tendency to Debasement in the Sphere of love".

Think of it like this, what they're got paranoia that "all men must think I'm a slut'. And so they give the fake ick response.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-12-10T19:20:58+00:00

Mind-blowing, but there is a middle ground. It's not all or nothing.

With the friendzone women are so thoroughly convinced it's a genuine friendship. Then it turns out you were fuckzoned the entire time. And when you state clearly friendship is all you wanted, they can often explode in anger.

Conversely cold approaches have a high failure rate because it's off-putting. They know exactly one thing about you, they find you fuckable.

See a running theme here?

And this is why the warm approach is king if you're looking for a relationship. Problem is this requires you to have friends and an active social life. If something happens, cool, if not you haven't burned your social life to the ground by acting like a psycho.

If you're looking for hookups, who cares, certainly not you. Machine gun that cold approach. Whether the sneers and eye rolls and eventually you'll randomly get a hit.

2022-12-10T17:02:33+00:00

Imo the best way and what i do is show ur intentions upfront, but be chill about it. Dont force it, dont go too fast, be kinda indifferent, and let it happen on its own, which it will if both of u like each other.

Guys that cosplay as a nice friend get friendzoned have no chance, and pua artists who demand a number and date within 5 minutes are too pushy and cringe.

KayRay1994 · 2022-12-10T17:07:25+00:00

women as “people”

bad wording aside - getting to know someone as a person and being friends with them are entirely different things - knowing someone as a person means being invested in them, their interests , their well being and their own individual selves - hell, it can even be getting to know who they are as a person and seeing them as such - you can do that with the intent of sleeping with them, dating them, etc - long as your intentions are made clear

now, as for the friend approach - i think more people should be friends with the opposite sex, but don’t make sleeping with someone the intent of being their friend - you can develop feelings or attraction as your become friends, but don’t enter the friendship with that intent. Another important point is how you handle a potential rejection, if you agree to be friends, stay friends then start treating her different (which is what a lot of guys do), then you’re at fault - if you’ve established the way you’re treating her as “being friends with her first” without any actual interest in being friends, stop it

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-12-10T18:33:19+00:00

It’s just very hard for women (and I say this as a woman) to grasp that men immediately put us into one of two categories: fuckable and unfuckable. Either way, but especially if you’re fuckable, nothing else about you as a person matters.

We think it’s creepy to immediately try to get in someone’s pants and we think it’s creepy to be friendly with someone only because you want to to fuck, NOT because of the speed of either interaction, but because of the underlying motivation. It’s not the way we behave or think about the world and so it’s easy to project our own motivations onto men. If a woman did those things it would be weird and gross. For a man, it should just be expected.

This was the real redpill I took in reading the redpill.

RealAmericanWeasel · 2022-12-10T17:04:35+00:00

I never didn’t try to get to know them as people. I don’t think they see me as a person, to tell you the truth. This must be a false narrative.

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2022-12-10T16:09:27+00:00

The crazy thing is I knew my current boyfriend wanted to fuck me from the start since we met via OLD and we wanted to date eachother, yet he still got to know me first. Wild how nuance works guys like come on.

I’m assuming you’re referencing cold approaching in all this… unless your looks alone get you in the door same as women, trust I remember your “ I want a woman with an hour glass shape” comment, anyway, if your looks alone don’t get you in the door via cold approach yeah you’re gonna have to get to know people and not for the sole intent of as the quoted: ramming your dick in her.

Cold approaching with the intent to fuck doesn’t work for the socially inept or unattractive people, it just doesn’t.

gate18 · 2022-12-10T16:47:42+00:00

"Yikes, men will literally cosplay friendship in the hopes of being able to ram their dick in someone! "

Are you describing rape? What's so "yikes" about sex unless you mean rape?

I don't know whether it's reddits innate desire to own the OP; but PDD crowd constantly shifts between the two advice's.

Nope, just different people have different opinions

If the thread were made by a guy who is "making his intentions clear" from the start and was still getting rejected they would eagerly remind him that he's probably coming off too strong far too early on,

Probably being the key word as no one witnessed it

If the thread is made by a guy getting zoned routinely by women he befriended, they would just crap on him for being a dishonest predator with 'ulterior motives'

Then they guy should tell them to fuck off and how dare they call him a preditor without knowing him. Idiots from from every sub and every gender. You just pretended that everyone is like the caricatures you created.

IntegrityDJones · 2022-12-10T18:49:36+00:00

Oh look it’s my quote laughing at unattractive men cosplaying friendship in the hopes of shoving their dick in someone. And I stand by it.

This isn’t hard. Y’all are just so socially inept. If you want to smash, fucking say it. It just might not get you what you want.

Don’t pretend to be friends in the hopes of sex.

When people say get to know women as people first that’s what it means …. AS PEOPLE, and a relationship of romance might come out of that, but getting to know them as people is not the same as going into a friendship with the intent of using her as a cum rag. How are y’all this dense. Having a social life and friends ups your chance of finding someone. That does NOT mean pretending to have human decency so you can bestow three minutes of shitty sex on some woman more attractive than you.

2022-12-10T18:19:13+00:00

maybe get to know women as people first, not as potential sex and relationship targets!"

If you pedastalise women or are unable to carry a decent conversation with them, you're going to have problems. I don't agree with TRP on a lot of things, but being slightly 'aloof' is good advice for men.

This is especially true for lesser attractive men as good conversational skills give them a boost.

Rexagon_2017 · 2022-12-10T19:43:49+00:00

It seems the answer is simple: Rotate 45 degrees to either side one after the other. When this is task is complete, stand on one leg while maintaining perfect, unblinking eye contact. Begin to dilate your pupils. Small then large. Now hop around on one leg.

source is birb.

DisturbedBurger · 2022-12-10T16:40:40+00:00

maybe get to know women as people first, not as potential sex and relationship targets!"

"Yikes, men will literally cosplay friendship in the hopes of being able to ram their dick in someone! "

Both of these are true, and neither of these are examples of the intent of good men.

neetykeeno · 2022-12-10T17:01:59+00:00

So how many such approaches have you made and how has that been working out in your personal experience?

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jellybeanzandtings · 2022-12-10T18:48:02+00:00

[permanently deleted]

jayval90 · 2022-12-10T21:31:46+00:00

I think the problem is much much deeper than you present. There is a streak here that any kind of relationship that makes the wrong people happy must be a bad thing, and this conflicting advice is just a manifestation of the true desire of these people that people they don't like should be miserable.

It's possible to lose both ways, and that's what these people are trying to set you up for.

lostacoshermanos · 2022-12-11T00:21:13+00:00

If all else fails move to Canada

Acousmetre78 · 2022-12-11T01:36:45+00:00

Return_of_Hoppetar · 2022-12-11T10:55:03+00:00

Well... there is the sort of people who get to know someone and then become attracted to them (or not) based on what they see. It's not actionable advice to be that sort of person, because by the time you read the advice, you are already interested in the sex, and one can't switch between demisexual and... whatever... normative male sexuality... at will.

But the advice given when you are told to get to know someone as a person first is indeed actionable, because it suggests open-endedness. Getting to know someone and deciding whether you like them or not is different from getting someone to like you and giving a shit about whether you like them as a person or not. Those are different ideas of "befriending" someone.

Breeisneckdeep · 2022-12-21T10:08:50+00:00

This post is 10 days old but i stumbled upon it and wanted to leave a comment and would appreciate if you respond OP as i’m curious of your thoughts on this:

Let me preface this by saying this is just a personal opinion. I genuinely feel like dating nowadays (or maybe even always who knows) is subjective. Everybody is different, everyone will react/respond differently to different social situations, everyone wants different things etc…

For me personally, i have respect for a man who - right from the get go is honest about weather he’s just looking for a hook up or is looking for something more serious or even if they just aren’t quite sure what they are looking for yet. Honesty has always been my biggest policy for men AND women. It’s always been what i preach to my friends when they ask for dating/sexual advice, no matter the gender.

I think the issue is when men (and women too i’m sure, i just only have experience dating men) assume that its okay to be derogatory towards the woman in regards to sex.

For example: if a man messages me on a dating app and he says something like “hey just so you know i’m kind of only looking for something casual/friends with benefits/a hookup at the moment. Is that okay with you?”. I’m going to 100% respect that man and then respond honestly on weather thats what i’m looking for too or not. Whereas if the first message they send is “ur so hot lets fuck” i’m either unmatching or gunna be rude back. As well as i dont want to be toyed around thinking i might get a relationship out of someone who only wanted sex and wasnt honest about it from the start.

Its about respect for me personally. I think its totally okay to be in a place in your life where you’re only looking for sex, just simply be respectful and honest when thats what you’re looking for ya know?

If a man is upset because he is getting rejected due to the fact that he is only currently looking for sex then that isn’t the women’s fault. Not everybody wants that and i know it can suck and maybe make you feel a little lonely/less than but 99.9999% of the time it has nothing to do with the man and its just simply that those women arent looking for casual hookups/JUST sex.

piratepig18 · 2022-12-30T07:08:18+00:00

Women fuck the guy they want to get to know, they don’t get to know the guy they want to fuck. As Dr. Robert Glover put it.

LostShelf · 2023-01-03T06:25:20+00:00

Bruh. Be attractive, don’t be unattractive. That’s it.

y2kjanelle · 2023-01-05T02:57:10+00:00

No, you just need critical thinking skills and then it’s really easy to figure out. It’s called emotional intelligence and women score higher on this than men which explains why PPD treats this like some phenomena.

Yes, get to know women as people, but make your intentions clear. That’s literally it.

You can have romantic feelings for someone with them being aware but taking it slow and growing from a friendship.

Just because people have romantic feelings for each other doesn’t mean they’re dating…lmao. They have to decide that with each other.

Very possible to be friends with mutual attraction and romantic feelings with BOTH people aware there are those kinds of feelings there.

Sneaky nice guys are ones who pretend to be actual friends. They give advice and do favors pretending to “help” when they’re really trying to get brownie points to score with a woman, while also knowing she doesn’t have any romantic feelings and does nothing to show interest. They’re hoping to “change her mind”. It’s pathetic, obsessive, hurtful and weird so don’t do it.

But that doesn’t mean don’t see women as people or that friendships can never turn romantic. It’s just you shouldn’t pretend to be platonic when you’re not.

Tell them your feelings and if you get rejected move on. Don’t see how anyone can’t get this concept.

Title	The women who advise men they should get to know women as "people" first before trying anything also crap on "sneaky nice guys" for having with ulterior motives
Author	Johnny_Autism
Upvotes	336
Comments	263
Date	December 10, 2022 2:41 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zhu670/the_women_who_advise_men_they_should_get_to_know/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-women-who-advise-men-they-should-get-to-know.1142206 https://theredarchive.com/post/1142206

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