Don't lots of rejections hurt your self esteem?

Many_Dragonfly4154 · 2024-03-31T07:14:56+00:00

Yeah and that's why unsuccessful men have horrible self esteem issues.

ComfortableJeans · 2024-03-31T03:58:31+00:00

I've never actually been rejected. I'm super lucky in a sense. I don't want anyone without a solid emotional connection forming, and for that to happen, you sort of have to fall together. It's like a gradual process that requires both people to participate for quite a length of time.

That being said, I've spent a bit of time paying attention to boys who aren't like that, and Jesus Christ. I can't imagine that it isn't soul crushing after a certain amount of time.

Constantly expressing desire and constantly being slapped down. Over and over again. After so long, surely you just come to the conclusion that nobody wants you.

I imagine that people have a set amount of rejection they can tolerate before breaking. It's probably altered by the number of consecutive rejections, and time will vary in recovery, and some won't recover. But I imagine you can only have that happen so many times before you're self esteem is decimated.

You can be as resilient as you want. Humans are social creatures, and our opinion of ourselves derives a LOT from outside factors. Whether we want it to or want to acknowledge it does or not.

People can talk about how they simply would not allow another person's opinion of them to affect them all they want. But if every person you reach out to, either sexually or for romantic connection, goes on to tell you that they find you unattractive and would rather not have a connection with you, you're going to start to get hurt over it.

On top of that, if you're putting yourself out there to try and get with this person, I expect their oppions mean something to you. There must be some kind of value you place on what they think.

People talk about how their confidence is unaffected by external result a lot. But confidence with no positive and only negative result is just delusion.

Edit: It always surprises me to see how many boys get seethingly furious over the idea of another boy not devoting their lives to the pursuit of strange pussy. Or, god forbid, turning it down.

Some people aren't like you, lads. Some people have different values and feelings toward sex. Relax. Be glad there's less competition.

Neptune-Jnr · 2024-03-31T12:50:36+00:00

I don't know about asking women out but it definitely hurts something when I was job searching and getting constantly rejected. Even for jobs I was completely qualified for.

ThorLives · 2024-03-31T07:19:32+00:00

Of course it hurts your self esteem and self confidence. I think men who say otherwise are psychopaths. Maybe not caring what other people think of them is part of the reason that criminality is more common among men than women.

When I was younger, I took reflections hard. Because a woman was basically saying "you're not good enough for me". Guys here try to twist it around and make it into something else. That might be useful even if it isn't the truth. If you were wrongly imprisoned, it might be useful to believe that you're going to be freed tomorrow and believe that day after day. That works be false, but it could be useful, as well. That's how I view guys who say rejection means nothing.

When I was younger, I hated rejection so much that I'd only hit on a girl if I was 95% sure that she liked me already. I was still wrong sometimes, and that hurt. It lead to a very shitty dating life, because most women aren't forward about liking guys. So I'd end up alone for years at a time. Typically after a rejection, it would take me several months before I could even consider asking out another woman. Rejection would make me wonder if my confidence was delusional, and I'm not half as attractive as I thought I was. (People claim that women always make it obvious, but that's complete bullshit. I've had women tell me years later that they had a crush on me in high school. So it's total BS when people say that women make it obvious.)

Overall, I see hitting on a woman as giving her validation, and getting rejected is her removing validation from the guy hitting on her. The whole dating game ends up being men giving validation to women and women subtracting validation from men, with the occasional case of a man getting lucky because she was interested. It's basically a system to validate women and devalidate men, though. It's crazy when feminist women complain about how "the patriarchy" means the world was setup for men to succeed and men have it better than women in every way, which is very obviously not true.

For attractive men, it is very easy.

I don't even think that's true. Attractive men still get rejected for all kinds of reasons. Heck, a few months ago I was at a bar and this girl said that she talked to this tall, good looking guy near the bar, who she initially liked, but he seemed nerdy so she lost interest. There's a ton of personality reasons women will reject a guy - not smart, not witty enough, not fun enough, too nerdy, too awkward, not the right vibe, or whatever.

thedarkracer · 2024-03-31T05:32:13+00:00

It does and I am not referring to dating only. A win is needed to get back up.

SecondEldenLord · 2024-03-31T10:17:00+00:00

I am a 33 year old man with a failure rate of almost 100%. There are two instances in which I could've had a gf, both of them being obese and disabled. Everybody deserves love of course, but I am a very healthy and active man and I would love to enjoy all the beauties of a relationship that I never experienced before like travelling together, hiking, running, cycling, etc. My only problem is that I am short, which is 5'3, not a dwarf but women's standards nowadays is 6 foot and above, which is not a majority of men. And my self esteem has gotten from bad to worse. Been rejected since I was in high school and sometimes in awful ways too. Been even physically assaulted when I cold approached and accused of sexual harassment once just because she felt offended that someone like me dared to think I had a chance with her ( she wasn't that pretty ). I always got told to be confident, but when women clearly express their disgust toward me, there is no way for me to have confidence. I developed depression and anxiety because of these rejections, I felt unworthy of love as long as I can remember and I attempted suicide once too. Nowadays I am trying to stay away from dating, but I feel so fucking lonely, especially when I go to parties and see couples everywhere and I am the only one with no woman. I feel worthless, ugly and sometimes I regret I failed my suicide attempt.

raldabos · 2024-03-31T05:05:11+00:00

Yeah, that's why so many men are dropping out of dating. Society claims they want sensible men, but having weak sensible man is usually a bad thing for society.

RecreationalPorpoise · 2024-03-31T05:05:49+00:00

I don’t really care about rejection. I care about the rudeness and misandry which is far more common.

CatholicChanner · 2024-03-31T05:02:10+00:00

It used to a lot in my 20s. I've just stopped caring once I realized how even top Chad rich men still get shot down 30% of the time according to OKC and other studies because standards vary so wildly and as an average man it's just gonna be a lot worse. I hate dating as a man in [current year] because you can never relax until the exclusivity talk and there are always other men circling around like vultures these days. It used to be you just competed with Billy and Bob the other local guys now every jerk within 40 miles is trying to message her. I just work on self improvement and take breaks from time to time. I'm not looking nor desperate for just sex though, just my person.

cromulent_weasel · 2024-03-31T06:03:20+00:00

Yes, although I would reframe it slightly differently. I wouldn't keep doing the same thing if what I was doing was failing. I would experiment with different things to see if they worked better.

SlowEffective8146 · 2024-03-31T11:34:20+00:00

If there were never any successes mixed in there, then yea I would feel bummed.

IhateBarsAndClubs · 2024-03-31T14:17:36+00:00

I don't care about rejections if it's done respectfully. If she said sorry I'm not interested it's not going to bother me, I wish her to have a good day and move on. I understand that some women are not attracted to me because of endless reasons, could be my skin color, my shoes, race, my voice, my hair...

But I hate harsh rejections like being rude or posting our interaction on social medias etc... that's what is going to destroy men self esteem and raise misogyny especially for emotional men who cannot control their anger. A lot of angry men in society will raise far right popularity and will threaten women's rights in the west.

I think that both men and women should understand how rejection works, men shouldn't insist if there is a sign of non interest, if she said I'm busy in the conversation just leave her alone and move on, always leave the interaction as soon as she drops a sign of non interest verbally or visually.

For women, they should learn how to reject men nicely, " sorry I have a boyfriend, wish you the best! " is a good line. Don't ignore him or give him weird looks or be rude to him. Because it's not easy to approach a woman in 2024, most people don't do it.

Hot-Law2682 · 2024-03-31T15:18:33+00:00

Rejections hurt my self esteem before I had any experience. Being a kissless virgin and being rejected is much more painful because you think there might be no one out there who will give you a chance.

Now that I have experience I see it more like filtering down to someone who I match with. Obviously I don't expect every woman to want to date me, but at least now I know there are some people willing to give me a shot.

Spread-Em-Plz · 2024-03-31T11:13:36+00:00

Nah, it doesn't at this point, and I'll explain why in a few reasons

At this point, I've gained enough positive attention and feedback to know that it ain't that serious. Encountering a woman who wants me isn't that difficult if/when I'm around women enough. I've had women make the first move on me before, too. I'm less worried about getting dates, and more worried about dates that aren't fun or are a waste of time (though it's partly my fault)
I've been rejected by some women who were (nicely put) below my league, yet also had women who were better looking than the aforementioned women be into me. Hence I don't take every single rejection to be indicative of my league
The biggest players I know? The most "Chad" dudes I know? Yeah they take Ls and get rejected too, all the damn time. Part of the success comes from such high approach volume, which also brings a lot of rejections, ghosting, fumbling, etc. So it's less of an "Oh my god I'm so inferior! No one's ever gonna want me" sort of feeling, it's more like "Everyone goes through shit; this is what comes with playing the game"
A couple years ago for me, flat-out rejections were far more common and occasionally a little harsh. Nowadays rejections are less common, and they're literally never harsh. Moreover women are more flattered when I flirt with them and enjoy it even if they aren't interested in me in that way. That's progress that would make anyone worth their salt be like "Ain't that something?" and be somewhat happy about

I won't pretend like it's easy to reach this conclusion if you've literally never had an ounce of positive attention from women or if you're more inexperienced, but we were all inexperienced once.

I also won't pretend like I'm the biggest player or fuckboy; my comment here comes off a humblebragging when it's really to demonstrate how these things can make rejection not matter as much

purplish_possum · 2024-03-31T15:08:38+00:00

It's a hard game. Don't play if you're not tough enough.

cheemspurpletreats · 2024-03-31T19:49:32+00:00

The only men who can plough through repeated rejections must have some sort of emotional detachment/sociopathic tendencies. No, being a sociopath doesn’t mean that they seek to harm everyone around them. It just means that they view others as nothing more than a means to an end. So any men that aren’t in the top % either pull out of dating due to their wounded self-esteem, or are making moves on women they don’t actually care about because they’re likely on their 150th choice.

For some reason, I’ve seen that society discourages men to openly discuss how much rejection they have to endure in order to have some semblance of a dating life.

Obtainable20 · 2024-03-31T13:23:39+00:00

Attractive man here: to your 2nd to last paragraph.

Just because women are attracted to you doesn't mean you'll be attracted to them. When a woman is pursuing me, it's different. Honestly, I usually dont lke the women i attract. If I do, I still need to vet her. Sometimes they still aren't worth the effort.

I've been rejected by plenty of women I actually wanted and rejected lots of women I didn't want. It's not much different. At the end of the day, I want who I want. Who wants me might not be who I want. It's just all part of the game ig.

illusoryfindings · 2024-03-31T04:54:28+00:00

Initially yes, but when you stop caring about the girls' opinion of you, it doesn't hurt anymore. It's silly to take rejections as an accurate value judgement, especially when the girls don't even know you that well. You might simply not be attractive to that particular person, or maybe you are but she's in a stinking mood at the time, or just not in a social headspace.

You can get into this fun mindset where you think about how you can switch up your game, or what might work in different situations, what kind of vibe is appropriate for so and so context. Pick up tricks from your charismatic friends and see if they work for you too. Lots of trial and error with cumulative little micro-failures and successes.

It feels like playing a video game. Video games hijack this part of our minds, that's why we get addicted to them in the first place.

You end up disconnecting from caring about the individual and start to think more about how you're coming across socially. Are you accurately representing who you feel like you are inside to others? Do they understand what you're going for? Lots of rejections is great feedback for an accurate gauge on how people perceive you, which is valuable info for upping your game.

If your self-esteem is rock-bottom, the best way to boost it is by getting good at things, not reassurance and validation. Getting good at things is what gives you that reassurance that you're valuable.

odd_cloud · 2024-03-31T12:39:10+00:00

Of course they do, why even ask?

Agile-Explanation263 · 2024-04-01T16:52:17+00:00

Yes thats why the blackpill exists, is it worth it to hurt yourself over and over? Do you actually have the tools to succeed or should you give up romantically.

The thing people dont get about the black pill is those who give up usually the want of romance and intimacy was a big want in thier life sometimes a need if they've never experienced it. Those offended by its beliefs also have love as a huge goal in thier life they're offended to the thought its unattainable for them and thier effort gives them some type of entitlement to hope.

Keep in mind most people have romance in mind for thier future or during thier formative years. It is also something most people have to observe others partaking in.

TheDerInDisorder · 2024-03-31T06:02:45+00:00

You only think dating was easier back then because you are not currently dying from tuberculosis.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-03-31T13:21:27+00:00

It never bothered me because I didn’t need to be wanted/liked by everyone.

Rejection is part of the process. There were lots of girls I didn’t approach or didn’t ask for their info after because I wasn’t interested. Some of the girls I did said no cause they weren’t into me. Ok, that’s the process.

Proof_mongol9135 · 2024-03-31T09:30:57+00:00

high self esteem is dangerous. confidence is knowing you are good looking, not thinking you are - which just makes you delusional.
by getting rejected u know ur current value in the dating market.

indigo_pirate · 2024-03-31T16:29:45+00:00

Superficial rejections don’t mean anything and you should not take it personally.

They are rejecting you based on an initial impression and could be due to a million different factors. From race, to not being single, to not wanting a relationship, to job , to not being a type, because she was tired and wanted to listen to music. If you formed a romantic connection with every single woman you encountered life would be absurd. It’s not supposed to be like that.

What would hurt is forming a bond with someone and then that person deciding you are no good anymore.

Wattehfok · 2024-03-31T10:53:17+00:00

Yes.

Getting rejected sucks.

But you learn more from failure than success.

nnuunn · 2024-03-31T22:49:57+00:00

Yeah, this is something I've wondered about. We're told we've just got to get over a lot of rejection in life, but the only way that you can get over repeated rejection is if you totally numb yourself to the opinions of others. I don't really care if I get rejected for a job anymore because I've sent so many applications and didn't make it at so many interviews in my life that I am fully emotionally disconnected from whether I get a job or not.

I think most adults generally feel this way, you can't really navigate the job market if you're emotionally invested in your job, but the problem is that you're not supposed to feel that way in relationships, you're supposed to somehow suffer a thousand rejections, and then when you do get accepted by a woman, you're now supposed to be emotionally invested in her.

Indeed, in long term relationships, a man is still expected to suffer many, many rejections from his partner when he makes a bid for intimacy, sexual or otherwise, but then be really emotionally invested when she does accept his bid for intimacy.

Acemanau · 2024-03-31T06:37:00+00:00

I've never been directly rejected romantically.

I'm 2 for 2 in dating women that turned into relationships.

The first one I broke up with due to her insecurities and games.

Still in the relationship with the second one and it's going really well (touch wood).

I don't really think I'd have a problem with rejection anyway, got plenty of that in school when making friends, so I'm well adjusted I think.

banthaaa · 2024-03-31T08:43:09+00:00

No because I have weirdly high self-esteem.

izzzy12k · 2024-03-31T09:17:09+00:00

It sucks yes, and the few and far in-between matches I get do bring life into my hopes of someday being happy in a serious relationship again.

It's like a test of mental and emotional fortitude.. and you just can't give up.. At least, in my opinion you shouldn't.

happy_discus · 2024-03-31T09:42:08+00:00

It always depends on the person that's rejecting me and the way they say it. I got rejected nicely countless times and never cared about it. I got a few harsh rejections I really can't get over. For example one girl looked at me and pretend to throw up. Didn't like that one. :(

For the most part, you got to have the attitude of "it is what it is". Dating sucks and rejections are a necessary evil you got to deal with in order to get to your goal. Whatever it might be.

Spread-Em-Plz · 2024-03-31T11:13:43+00:00

Nah, it doesn't at this point, and I'll explain why in a few reasons

At this point, I've gained enough positive attention and feedback to know that it ain't that serious. Encountering a woman who wants me isn't that difficult if/when I'm around women enough. I've had women make the first move on me before, too. I'm less worried about getting dates, and more worried about dates that aren't fun or are a waste of time (though it's partly my fault)
I've been rejected by some women who were (nicely put) below my league, yet also had women who were better looking than the aforementioned women be into me. Hence I don't take every single rejection to be indicative of my league
The biggest players I know? The most "Chad" dudes I know? Yeah they take Ls and get rejected too, all the damn time. Part of the success comes from such high approach volume, which also brings a lot of rejections, ghosting, fumbling, etc. So it's less of an "Oh my god I'm so inferior! No one's ever gonna want me" sort of feeling, it's more like "Everyone goes through shit; this is what comes with playing the game"
A couple years ago for me, flat-out rejections were far more common and occasionally a little harsh. Nowadays rejections are less common, and they're literally never harsh. Moreover women are more flattered when I flirt with them and enjoy it even if they aren't interested in me in that way. That's progress that would make anyone worth their salt be like "Ain't that something?" and be somewhat happy about

I won't pretend like it's easy to reach this conclusion if you've literally never had an ounce of positive attention from women or if you're more inexperienced, but we were all inexperienced once.

I also won't pretend like I'm the biggest player or fuckboy; my comment here comes off a humblebragging when it's really to demonstrate how these things can make rejection not matter as much

Nihi1986 · 2024-03-31T11:20:24+00:00

Yes, of course, specially when I was younger but eventually you learn to deal with it. Rejection, specially from a woman, is complicated subject, because the same woman that rejects you today could've accepted you yesterday, their attraction/interest is changing, she won't tell you she's actually seeing someone if he's not the official boyfriend (and they are always seeing someone...)and many other factors could make her attracted or unattracted, not just your looks, status or personality...

just_a_place · 2024-03-31T04:09:25+00:00

Depends on the character of the man.

In my case: No. Rejection just means she is not interested. It does absolutely nothing to my confidence or my centeredness.

My "confidence" has nothing to do with, nor is it contingent upon, women's approval, or lack thereof.

Fortune favors the bold for a reason. Tenacity is the child of boldness.

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2024-03-31T10:17:30+00:00

Yes. It hurts. Unbelievably so. But you have to suck it up and develop a thick skin. You'll die alone if you wallow in sorrow. How did I do it? I didn't have a choice. Do or do not. Those are the only options.

obviousredflag · 2024-03-31T09:31:21+00:00

There's always so much talk about "just be confident" , which yes sure it does matter but if you take a step back, how do you maintain confidence if you get turned down a lot?

You don't, that's why confidence is the proxy marker women go by. That's because confidence is attractive. It signals: i do not get turned down a lot. Which means: i am desirable. Which makes women want to check out why this guy is confident/desirable and be initially attracted to him.

If you could just be confident while being undesirable, then why would women be attracted to this signal if it means nothing for how desirable the man actually is?

Now, what you can do is FAKE being confident. A lot of people with actually very low self-esteem do this and appear like super confident. You can delude yourself into thinking you are great and all the rejections actually happen because others are blind ,stupid, have absurd standards and are ruined by "modern culture/dating/etc".

Depending on how good you are at faking, if it's a personality thing (narcissistic traits) or a consciously acted out performance, for how long you need to fake without the facade crumbling, and how much your true level of confidence deviates from the faked level, this method works great and helps you get the experiences that slowly improve your true level of self-esteem and confidence.

YasuotheChosenOne · 2024-03-31T04:38:39+00:00

Only if you lack confidence in yourself.

Once you build that real world confidence getting rejected is just the cost of doing business, but her not being interested in you will have no effect on your confidence because it doesn’t change anything about you.

For instance I have a lot of confidence and my sexual skills and her rejecting isn’t gonna make my dick any less big or my cunnilingus any less proficient 🤷🏾‍♂️

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abaxeron · 2024-03-31T08:20:37+00:00

If sport is your passion, then failure is a confidence killer. If work is your passion. Failure is only a confidence killer if you are invested. They are women. Don't get invested. They never are.

SoldierExcelsior · 2024-03-31T14:41:29+00:00

If your getting rejected a lot you’re probably not very attractive this experiment has been done numerous times at this point. Attractive men don't get rejected a lot....they simply don't I've been around guys that just have it girls melt in their presence,some had their first kid as young as 14,most have several now with several baby moms...

The hurt to your self-esteem is just your ego facing reality...It is what it is personally I would recommend cold approaching or using dating apps...

Not every body wins the lotto,not everyone is born into a stable country with a good economy,not everyone is tall with a chiseled jaw line,hair and good looks..or whatever looks women like...

All you can do is work on yourself and be the best version of yourself finnancialy stable, mentally resilient,physically sound intellectually capable and if theres someone out their fir you theyvwill find you there's only two guarantees in life everything else is just a roll of the dice

wtknight · 2024-03-31T15:06:52+00:00

For most men they will eventually have some small successes and most likely someday a large success that will sting the many rejections. The key is to be persistent and not to get down about it.

For below average men, the key is to improve as much as possible so that a below average woman doesn't mind dating you. I've seen relationships like this.

Ok-Dust-4156 · 2024-03-31T18:53:33+00:00

No, if you got rejected as early as possible. You don't know her and didn't spend any time with her, she have no interest in you, so you just move on. No time for hard feeling to form, you'll forget about her few hours later. Girl always know is she's interested in you after first few seconds and you can't change it. So no reason to waste time,.

SupposedlySapiens · 2024-04-01T01:42:35+00:00

Repeated romantic rejection is a modern invention. For most of human history in most cultures marriages were arranged, with varying levels of input from the prospective spouses. There were certainly many men and women who would be considered less than desirable in those cultures, but any rejection was considered more a rejection of the family, not the individual. Nor was it a personal rejection to your face, as typically the fathers of the prospective spouses handled the arrangement. Nowadays we’re expected to repeatedly put ourselves out there as individuals and repeatedly get rejected to our face and yet act like we’re cool with it and that this is a normal thing that the human brain is equipped for.

Of course rejection hurts, and repeated rejection can make it difficult to maintain your confidence. But what guys need to remember is that a lot, if not most, rejections aren’t an indictment of you personally, it simply wasn’t a good match. If you’re just not someone’s type, you’re just not their type, and there’s not much you can do about it. Men reject women, women reject men. It’s just a part of life, and it’s often truly nothing personal. There is not a person on Earth who is universally liked, and guys need to keep that in mind. Being rejected is literally part of dating.

GOVERNORSUIT · 2024-04-03T03:11:59+00:00

two things here. doing cold approaches can increase your confidence in delivering your approach. like a salesman can do his pitch well, but not necesarily be confident in other ways, or overall confidence. getting rejected, for most people, just makes peoples self esteem go down, because people dont like you, if they dont like you, why should you be confident? if you get rejected 10 times, youre going to assume that the 11th will also reject you.

i know a pua who used to do cold approaches, and got rejected every time. these days, he doesnt even say hi to a female, let alone approach. he still swears that pick up works, and that one day he'll make a come back, but always makes excuses on why he wont approach. he will say things like, i need to lose weight first before i approach, or "i'm waiting for better weather", but the reality of it is, he is either scared, or knows deep down that it's an inefficient way of meeting females.

i think one of the biggest problems facing pua is. they take these courses, or read these books that tells them to go all in. they approach a female with a long script. they pour their heart into it, and get rejected. a more natural way to go about it is, start by saying hi, and nothing more. do that for an entire month. then once youre comfortable with that. say how are you. do that for a couple months. then add what is your name to the conversation. in between each step could take a month or several months depending on how socially awkward you are. under normal circumstances, after a year, you will know who is interested and who isnt just within the first few seconds, similar to how salesmen know who's going to buy something, and who isn't.

you shouldnt just dive in with an entire scripted conversation, nor should you expect a phone number or date out of it. problem is, however, most pua will just tell you straight off the bat that you can get any female you want, which is unrealistic. what most pua are doing is trying to swim 1000 meters when they havent even been able to swim the 50m. even when youre baking, if you take the cake out of the oven too early, what happens? and this is precisely what pua do. most pua are taught they can convince females to like them, but this isn't realistic, at least not in the short term. you can get females to like you, but it has to be females you see all the time, not with random, one off females. one example is how female classmates can like a male classmate over time, because she has time to observe him. and actually this has hapend to me before. i tried to holla at this one broad by myself, and she wasnt having it at all. i ran into the same bird a few years later, BUT this time with mutual friends, and she acted completely difrerntly. she, oddly enough, asked me for a massage. for me, knowing the right people was far more important than cold approach. females just look at you difrently based on who are you rather than what you say. just look at the popular guys in high school. alot of them only have to be athletes and nothing more. they can be the most boring people in the world, but all the females are chasing after them. and many times, you would see certain guys attract attention from females because the guys are associated with certain guys. again, it doesnt mean that these guys are interesting, charasmatic, or romantic. in fact, it's usually the opposite. if you think back to all the ladies men back in school, most of them had very little to say. and certainly none of them used pua tactics. so the idea youre supposed to bombard a total stranger with "charisma", and "charm" may be a flawed idea.

what happens to alot of pua is they desensitize themselves. so they essentially have to numb themselves. heres the problem though. if you desensitize yourself in order to protect yourself from the rejection, you become ignorant to other peoples feelings and needs, which in turn makes you unattractive. most pua dont respect boundaries, and when you dont, that turns alot of people away. just like how pushy salesmen will push customers away. there are still people who will accept you. even criminals are accepted by some, but if you are a pua who doesnt respect boundaries, then the number of females you have to choose from will be small. now, the desensitization is also why alot of pua seem to be having 1 way conversations. they tend to ask tons of questions, but say very little about themselves. because most pua have low self esteem, theyre under the impresion theyre not valuable, therefore are ashamed to share information. this of course doesnt work in the pua's favor. a pua interaction seems more like a planned attack rather than a dance where both parties are involved. 99% of the time, females arent interested. then u factor in the 1 way conversation and it;s even less apealin, this is why pua really dont know how to respond when females initiate interest. many pua are great at spotting attractive females, and approaching (good approach dont guarantee good reception), but dont know what to do when a female smiles at them. tons of pua have set rigid schedules. they'll do "approaches" on mondays and tuesdays from 1-5, but if they see a female smiling at them at 6, they dont do anything, because in their mind, they only do approaches on mon-tue from 1-5, and any other time, they're like a deer in head lights.

asking females you know out actually has a high success rate. i talk to alot of couples, and i;d say 1/2 or more came from people they already knew. in most cases, it's people they had known for years. ive only ever known a handful of people who met through cold approaches at bars

Proudvow · 2024-03-31T04:14:26+00:00

They hurt your self-esteem unless you don't care what random women think.

Siliconmage76 · 2024-03-31T06:18:53+00:00

First off WHEN DONE CORRECTLY the success rate for direct approaches is FAR higher than any online dating app.

All you guys are so damn logical heres some fucking logic.

Instead of looking at each approach as a life or death struggle to mate. Look at it as learning exercise.

You need to absolutely convince yourself that the rejection was not the result of your failure as a man. It was the result of your failure to express to her in a way she can understand just how awesome you are. Analyze the conversation and her facial expressions and body language. Analyze every word of your conversation and figure out where you screwed up. Thats how I did it. Have conversations over and over and over and when I got blown out of the set I analyzed the conversations in my mind and applied any lessons learned to the next woman I talked to.

Guess what? Its okay to brag on yourself a little. Its okay to look a woman directly in the eye and say with complete confidence that you are an awesome fucking man and she should try to get to know you a little bit. You need to feel that.

You're awesome right? Any woman would be lucky to have you right? Then fucking walk, talk and act like it. Get some swagger. Dress like a high value man does within your chosen subculture and get on with life.

AreOut · 2024-03-31T10:18:45+00:00

You have to learn not to care. You aren't sad when you are rejected, you aren't happy when you are accepted. Women love emotionally unavailable men, the less you care about her and the relationship the more she will care. That's how women are, sadly.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2024-03-31T05:19:52+00:00

Yes.

You need to be realistic about where you are on the ladder of attractiveness.

If you don't know where you are, approach 50 women, you'll get a sense.

Then you start making fixes - what went wrong? did it blow up as soon as you introduced yourself every time? maybe work on your looks and presentation.

Did the conversation just fizzle out? work on making sexual advances (i.e touching lightly, putting arm around her/ on her leg, kissing).

etc etc.

You can't be porcelain in this game.

And yeah if you're so underwhelming that nothing you do changes anything, then yeah you're fucked in this regard - but it's not worse than not approaching, nothing was really lost, kinda the same

Title	Don't lots of rejections hurt your self esteem?
Author	Gmed66
Upvotes	89
Comments	224
Date	March 31, 2024 3:53 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1bs14xg/dont_lots_of_rejections_hurt_your_self_esteem/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/dont-lots-of-rejections-hurt-your-self-esteem.1513438 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513438

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