Men are not the arbiters of reasonable standards

TankfarmMurdock · 2026-07-13T23:36:21+00:00

Everyone is entitled to whatever whackadoodle standards they want, end of story 🤷‍♂️

Ok_Use7 · 2026-07-13T23:35:37+00:00

In all cases or just those where they themself are the reasonable standard?

Because if my cousin or friend tells me she doesn't care if a man has a job, I'm going to feel pretty empowered to judge them as unreasonable lol.

Men, unfortunately, don't put thought into vetting even their own female partners.

This isn't true.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-07-13T23:51:50+00:00

Men’s standards are for them, not us.

If they ghost or break up with us at any point because they no longer wish to interact with us, especially after sex, that’s their standard

MarioWilson122 · 2026-07-14T08:16:29+00:00

Having standards isn't the issue. The issue is whether those standards are realistic, consistently applied, and actually lead to better relationship outcomes. Simply because women choose their own partners doesn't mean their standards are beyond criticism.

Men don't have to date men to recognize patterns in dating, just as women don't have to date women to have opinions about men's standards. If certain standards consistently leave people struggling to find compatible partners or repeatedly selecting poor ones, it's reasonable to question whether those standards are filtering for the right qualities.

Your argument also assumes that living with a man is "by default" an incredibly bad deal, but that's the very premise under discussion. Relationships carry risks for both men and women. Starting from the assumption that men are generally a liability naturally pushes standards higher, but that doesn't automatically make those standards reasonable or effective.

The fact that women decide what they want in a partner doesn't mean those preferences can't be evaluated. Every person's standards can be discussed, criticized, or defended based on whether they're realistic and whether they produce the results they're intended to achieve.

calmly86 · 2026-07-14T02:00:21+00:00

“It’s only logical to look for traits that indicate that you’ll be less likely to be screwed over.”

Yeah, like him being a minimum of six feet tall, that’s definitely the type of man who’s going to remain loyal and help raise his children. The taller the man, the better the father, it’s science.

Or his “rizz” and “chemistry.” The ease with which he flirts with you, knows all the right things to say and when to say it, that’s a guarantee he’s never going to be checking out other women, entertaining them, pursuing them. The slickest men are definitely the most faithful.

You know what’s definitely the kind of man who won’t screw you over? The man you want because all the other women want him too. That there is the surest bet of all.

Homerbola92 · 2026-07-14T13:26:21+00:00

If living with a man, by default, is an incredibly bad deal

Log off and touch grass please.

simplyaless · 2026-07-14T06:49:38+00:00

I'm sorry but some of these comments and talking points are crazy. It shocks me how many people just want to be with someone because of the sexual aspect and the way they talk about it too.. my goodness..

Whiskeymyers75 · 2026-07-14T00:08:10+00:00

Traits less likely to be screwed over? Explain these traits. Because 100% of the women I’ve dated in the dating app era complains about their ex husband/husbands or all the men who have fucked them over.

Neptune-Jnr · 2026-07-13T23:40:44+00:00

if women's standard were based around men who are easier to live with you might actually have a point.

Training-Cook3507 · 2026-07-13T23:27:46+00:00

The dating market decides your worth. If you'd like a partner, but are eternally single because the men you want don't want you... you're over judging your worth.

Lucr3tius · 2026-07-14T00:48:54+00:00

Most often I see men criticizing standards from a mathematical viewpoint. We don't consider what we're saying "an opinion" when we point out the percentage of the population of men that earn a certain amount, or is of a given height, etc... The feedback is often not welcome and we get that. Having preferences is completely valid. What isn't valid is a viewpoint of the male population that simply doesn't exist in the real world.

Why would the theoretical man that met all of your standards choose you?

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Cheap-Entertainer220 · 2026-07-14T07:47:46+00:00

Men tend to get angry/threatened by female lust. The basic fact that they find certain types of men very attractive, and want to explore that, and experience that, before they settle down. Chasing dreams, chasing lust, getting hurt, settling for the 7/10 partner who isn't going to mess you around - that's the sexual life cycle for both men and women

Gentle_prv · 2026-07-14T21:04:52+00:00

I’ll say this again, hopefully loud enough for all to hear:

Point 1:::
There is a difference between a preference and a requirement. If you prefer taller men, that is fine; however, if you require the man to be tall, you limit your dating pool significantly. For me personally, I prefer a woman be shorter than me, but I’m 5’4 and I acknowledge that it is an unreasonable expectation, which is why it is a preference, not a requirement.

Point 2:::
Physical attributes and status-aligned attributes (income, class, etc) should matter far less than non-physical attributes like personality and character. This should be a no-brainer for humanity, we’re intelligent enough to recognize that looks fade, but a person’s character is lasting and persistent. I’m not saying you should date someone that is unattractive to you, but I am saying that if you really can’t find a man that is shorter than 6 feet attractive, you are the problem. I find women of all heights attractive, so you can do the same for guys; or maybe you can’t because you are a superficial person. Honestly, you should seek a therapist on why your attraction standards are so narrow. Is it genuinely because you only find those heights attractive, or is it bc you think taller men are better men in all areas? Or bc social media tells you some other lie about tall men?
Like, you do understand that if you’re superficial, that means I have the moral high ground and you’re in the wrong? Seek professional help.

mrcs84usn · 2026-07-13T23:47:41+00:00

Maybe it -should- be, but it seems like all when you consider the metrics that get thrown around with dating, men are much more on par with a natural bell curve, while women’s views are skewed to where below average women are too good for regular ass men.

>Men, unfortunately, don't put thought into vetting even their own female partners. It is therefore laughable that they would think they know what reasonable standards are for a woman to have for men. Having no standards at all is a bad idea, for starters.

“Don’t date single moms,” “stop simping,” “don’t stick your dick in crazy,” “don’t turn a hoe into a housewife.” “Better to live on the corner of a roof…”The slogans are certainly there. Some dudes’ scarcity mentality prevents them from doing what they know is better for them.

WhiteLotusGauntlet · 2026-07-14T00:04:01+00:00

If living with a man, by default, is an incredibly bad deal and likely to get you screwed over, it's only logical to look for traits that indicate that you'll be less likely to be screwed over.

So, the behavior of modern women makes sense, but only if we take an incredibly misandrist view of men in general.

Even then, what is it about liking tall men with pretty faces that makes women "less likely to be screwed over"?

Cute_Contribution480 · 2026-07-14T04:09:46+00:00

Love is illogical - people choose whatever they want, not whatever makes sense

ConnectedLeap · 2026-07-14T07:56:23+00:00

Reality has its own rules. Reality says that 99% of women will not be able to date a man long term who is tall, handsome, and rich, all in the same package.

Storage-Express · 2026-07-14T02:04:27+00:00

if you put your ideas, standards and whatnot on the internet, some people will react to it. especially if you insult men collectively and blame them for your personal failures in dating, which a lot of women do these days (not enough good men for all the amazing women yada yada type talking points).

if you don't want people to have opinions on what you put out there, just stfu about it, idk what's so difficult to comprehend about that concept. when we compare modern women to those 50-60 years ago, they score considerably worse in a lot of metrics that are relevant to men. seeing those same women live in lala land, completely lacking self-awareness and talking about how men don't measure up will annoy some people.

it's also interesting that it's completely normalized in a lot of circles, including mainstream ones, to complain about the quality of men but saying something similar about women will get you labelled a misogynist. women's standards are applauded while male standards are often demonized, at least in liberal spaces. of course there's going to be pushback on that and spaces where the reverse is true too.

Waxico · 2026-07-14T00:49:52+00:00

Then stop whining about it. Women say they don’t care but never shut up about “all the awful men out there” or “how there’s no good men anymore” on social media.

We leave you alone and we still have to hear the crying everywhere we go. Shut up and go away femcel.

Luciansleep · 2026-07-14T10:46:23+00:00

Are you really asserting that men don’t get fucked over in dating and that’s why women get to have high or ridiculous standards?

Lonely_Cycle4757 · 2026-07-14T11:04:55+00:00

I mean... that's all great, except for the last part.

See, when men DO have standards, it's considered toxic and misogynistic... Of course, women only care about the standards men have when it's men that they are attracted to, which of course, is much like guys do. Weird how everyone works on that same wavelength.

So, while it IS true that women, as with everyone, SHOULD be allowed to decide their standards for themselves, it's laughable to suggest that the pushback women get for having standards is even close to the pushback that men get for having standards to the point where bringing it up as some kind significant issue is basically nonsense.

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AreOut · 2026-07-14T12:22:38+00:00

A reasonable standard is dating someone in your percentage bracket. That is if you are monogamous. If you don't mind "situationships" then standards have no meaning at all.

Tradition_Ropes36763 · 2026-07-14T15:24:24+00:00

People don't get to decide what healthy standards look like in general. Personal preferences don't erode the aggregate measures of what stable connection tends to look like.

That said, the complaint is usually about dishonesty about what the standards even are.

It's not unreasonable to say that since most people's communication skills are not good, that most women's communication skills are not good.

it's not that deep.

Flaneur50 · 2026-07-14T16:42:19+00:00

I agree that men are not the arbiters of reasonable standards in women. I'm old and coupled and likely out of the dating pool for good, but if I became single I would vet for defensive dating/relationship views like yours. I don't have time to deal with someone who puts me as a man in the class of people who are likely to screw you over. If experience has taught you that I feel bad for you but I won't carry the burden those men created.

You're right about men's low or non existen standards. Some men. I suspect though that some men's non existent standards are reflected like a photo negative in some women's exceptionally high standards. Both are fashionable in 2026 and both serve a purpose; in men's cases to keep a perverse hope alive and in women's to keep them safe from a monster that may not exist.

Sutanrei · 2026-07-14T00:40:21+00:00

Because women are? Sure they'll all find their billionaire ripped straight handsome 26yo CEO husband with no kids that takes their last name and accepts their 2 kids from 3 baby daddies and loves them all unconditionally and will never cheat despite her being 203lbs when they met.

This is not even good trolling.

Muscletov · 2026-07-14T05:50:20+00:00

Deal, but only if you tell women to stop blowing a fuse when men have and express their own preferences/standards as well, e.g. men wanting non-overweight, non-promiscious women or men dating younger or foreign.

Melodic_Structure928 · 2026-07-13T23:18:06+00:00

Well that’s fucking depressing, I mean there probably a lot of truth in your claims but for all the women who do think like this probably neither shouldn’t date, or as many blue pillers love to say become gay (lesbian) I suppose. (even though that does have homophobic connotations apologies)

Responsible_Height64 · 2026-07-14T02:14:47+00:00

Hey there, thanks for the post. It seems like it’s generated a lot of discussion.

Could you elaborate on what you mean by saying that living with a man is an incredibly bad deal?

To be clear, I don’t mean living with a bad or abusive partner. I mean your statement as written: “living with a man.” Could you elaborate on what you mean by that?

rejected-again · 2026-07-14T06:31:01+00:00

This awful post implies that women actively look out for their own best interest when picking men, except there is no shortage of women constantly complaining about how awful their exes are lol.

SeemedGood · 2026-07-14T06:37:35+00:00

The concept of the reasonable man standard exists for a reason.

Neither-Lie-1095 · 2026-07-15T04:00:54+00:00

There's no such thing as an arbiter or decision maker of reasonable standards. Anybody can comment on whether a set of standards are reasonable. And women need to start listening when men say women aren't paying attention to this stuff. We're the ones on the other side of the table watching you not put enough thought into it. You want to be judged by who you stayed with and who you left, but we're the ones noticing who you rejected.

Dangerous-Evening325 · 2026-07-14T00:40:53+00:00

as a man I agree there are very few man I come across that I find tolerable and alot less that I respect. now having to date him and have faith in his decision making as a partner.... im glad im a man. its rare to come across a man who has all the traits you wish which ideal should be the standard but isnt in todays generation. yea ngl when I meet people that are fighters there retards and then man that are into art are feminine not trustworthy, its hard to find a man of both but these are the places you should be looking for. gym can be a fine place to approach but alot of men that post there physique or are into the gym mainly were just insecure boys. what are your standards if you want any advice or tips on where ive come across the man that you are looking for feel free to ask

Livid-Log7463 · 2026-07-14T21:48:10+00:00

No but statistic comparability is, if a woman is in the 40th percentile and her standards don’t include a man in the 40th percentile than by definition her standards are high, and specifically regardless of what any complainants may be, because a standard is anchored to what exists not what your ideal is.

Puzzleheaded_Award88 · 2026-07-19T03:53:48+00:00

Looking at your post history, it sounds like you could benefit from therapy because you sound bitter.

YeaNobody · 2026-07-14T00:35:54+00:00

You will never squash the insatiable and illogical desire for women....their kind are simply more desirable in every way in life.....even after learning that ultimately they aren't all that they're cracked up to be, the insanity still persists because the notion that getting laid every night is the way permeates into their skulls anyway and incel land here we go. If you want a world devoid of gender bullshit, make it equal. And right now, the only likely way that will ever happen is robot waifus lol. But those will be cost prohibitive and managed in a way to keep the gender inbalance a float because money....always money.

srqfla · 2026-07-14T00:44:57+00:00

Women are in charge of something that men think they are in charge of, but they're not. Men are in charge of something that women think they are in charge of but they are not.

Women are in charge of sex and intimacy. They are The gatekeepers of these. Permission must be granted by them for the man to benefit.

Men are in charge of resources and commitment. Resources include energy, Time and money. Commitment because a man determines when a woman has a boyfriend. She does not. Men propose marriage. Men ask women to move in with them.

BlackTransMaam2 · 2026-07-14T01:29:51+00:00

Men go through life without anyone giving them a pass, I'd say that men are a great barometer of what's reasonable.

Title	Men are not the arbiters of reasonable standards
Author	GGMcThroway
Upvotes	48
Comments	290
Date	July 13, 2026 11:10 PM UTC (1 week ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1uvrg1g/men_are_not_the_arbiters_of_reasonable_standards/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-are-not-the-arbiters-of-reasonable-standards.1584979 https://theredarchive.com/post/1584979

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