This is why the six month period before declaring someone a HVM is a MINIMUM. Strap in ladies, this is fun.

NotUrmillenial · 2020-10-01T03:49:54+00:00

I absolutely love how you handled this entire situation. Wish I had been that smart at 20! And wtf is with men thinking they can call us assholes while also begging for us to stay? Hilarious how unhealthy people sound in a conversation with a healthy person.

elainejay82 · 2020-10-01T04:05:58+00:00

All I see is a man who cannot stand the fucking fact that you know the real him now and him wanting the chance to gaslight you into not believing it. Toobadsosadohwell.

Grade A loser. I'm happy you found out now. Ladies, (and I say this knowing it's hugely unpopular advice) always go through the phone!

RepresentativeAnt701 · 2020-10-01T03:16:34+00:00

Me and this scrote were about to reach six months since meeting each other in a few weeks. Up until two weeks ago he seem like a pretty high-value man. I didn’t give him this title, but I saw potential, which is why I kept seeing him. The mask always slips at some point — whether or not you acknowledge the red flags is up to you.

Last night a seemingly white lie he told 2 weeks ago snowballed into 3 more lies. I grabbed my stuff and told him to take me home immediately after seeing something on his phone that he definitely didn’t want me to see. He begged and pleaded with me for 5 minutes. I told him if he didn’t take me home, I was calling an Uber.

He tried to hide my phone to get me to talk to him, but gave it back when I told him I would just start fucking shit up around his apartment. I wasn’t scared of him at all during the 5 months I knew him, or at any point last night so I wasn’t worried for my safety at all. I WAS annoyed that he thought I would let him sit me down just to break out some crocodile tears and every manipulation tactic in the book 😭

I didn’t tell him what I saw that made me cut him off, and he was losing his mind trying to figure it out. At a stop sign he grabbed my phone OUT OF MY HANDS while it was unlocked in order to try and find out what it was that made me cut him off. I layed on the horn until he gave it back. I knew him not knowing why I did it would fuck with him so much, and it did.

The funniest part is I got him to admit to way more shit just by telling him that if he guessed what he did wrong right, I would tell him. He told me something he did that was worse than what I saw on his phone. It really validated my decision. Men are so fucking stupid 🙄

I am 20 and this weirdo is 25. I wasn’t worried about the age gap because we’re in similar positions life wise — we both live alone, drive our own cars, and have fairly busy schedules. Turns out that regardless of all that, the rumours are true. Men 25+ go for 20-year-olds because they themselves are immature, and they think they can fuck with us more and for longer than the women their age with fully formed frontal lobes.

These are tonight’s texts before I ‘blocked’ him. If you want someone to think they are blocked, turn off iMessages. They won’t be able to tell the difference, and you’ll still be able to see what they’re sending you. Obviously this doesn’t work forever if you’re someone who uses iMessage a lot, but it’s a fun little game to play before you actually block if seeing him plead brings you joy!!

Here’s to saying fuck you the first time they fuck up. I’m never ever ever going back.

Edit: I’ll send the PM’s tonight!! I have a bunch of midterms this week so I’m rly busy rn but will send them all to everyone who asked tonight so I have time to respond to everyone who wants to chat back :) I’m sorry for keeping you hanging!!

Also!! I told him to pay me for my time because he wouldn’t stop calling me, and I felt like that would hurt his feelings lol. I should’ve just dropped it and blocked him after I got my stuff, but part of me was hoping I would actually get money out of this, and part of me wanted to make him feel hurt. I failed to realize that men don’t think the way we do — any attention is positive attention. I empowered him just by responding after I said I wouldn’t. Will not make that mistake next time.

Thank you for all of your support, I got a lot of good advice and validation that I wouldn’t have gotten elsewhere. He’s blocked for good now and I’m leaving this gross ass situation in the past. I love all of you ladies a lot :)

RepresentativeAnt701 · 2020-10-01T03:50:21+00:00

Good on you. I wish I had this much respect for myself when I was 20.

heythere360 · 2020-10-01T03:34:22+00:00

A lot of “HVM” are just psychos who didn’t get caught yet.

Great on you for leaving the first time, asking no questions, and giving him no room to further gaslight you.

I mean, this whole text thread is him pleading for you to talk to him since you both look like assholes. The utter delusion.

HappyPeachie · 2020-10-01T04:00:40+00:00

Hell yes, i wouldve sent him an invoice and not responded til he paid up. Than if hes that stupid and desperate to abuse me more and sends the funds, block em and spend that money celebrating yourself, queen it up. I successfully did this with 3 lvm who were abusive cheaters but freaked out when I turned the tables and woke up. Never again.

janetheautomaton · 2020-10-01T04:53:42+00:00

The thing that gets me is the utterly reflexive attempt to smear you. "We are both pieces of shit." Nah bro, there is no indication that we are anything. He instinctively tried to guilt and gaslight you into feeling bad enough to start doubting yourself and talk to him.

I'm really starting to believe that there is a pathology in men that just isn't talked about even as it becomes increasingly apparent. There's probably a pathology in women too, but ours tends toward defensive, self-harmful issues like low self-esteem, depression, insecurity, etc. Men just seem to be on the attack.

mizaokay1212 · 2020-10-01T07:25:27+00:00

It's crazy to me he started rattling off all the shady things he did trying to guess which ONE you had found. It's like his main priority was trying to determine how to hide better and get away with it next time. Your feelings were an afterthought. These chodes always tell on themselves, but usually not literally lol.

hulababe72 · 2020-10-01T05:24:58+00:00

Omg Was it porn? I never look at guys (or anyone’s) phones and now I’m wondering if that’s naive of me...because deceitful ppl will never just volunteer that info. And what were the red flags that prompted you to check his phone? Lol this is teww much

Glad you got out safe and unharmed while he was losing it.

Mountain_Nectarine_6 · 2020-10-01T04:05:39+00:00

I loved this!!! You have an amazing head on your shoulders and I commend you.

_Hellchic_ · 2020-10-01T05:23:21+00:00

Okay i am so interested in what you saw on his phone. And what did he admit to that was worse?! Also congratulations for being so strong and kicking this loser out to the trash.

rideoffalone · 2020-10-01T07:57:36+00:00

You should have blocked him as soon as he dropped off the box. No point in wasting your time texting him.

SearchingForPanacea · 2020-10-01T05:15:03+00:00

Queen this is awesome, no begging for him back or crying. An inspiration to us all. I love this. At 20 (I’m 23 now lol) I was begging for my crap ex back and telling him he was the love of my life ew lol. Breakup 2 weeks ago with some other gross scrote he apologized half heartedly for his bullshit and I said I’m tired of his shit and blocked his ass. FDS level up.👏🏼

morstin · 2020-10-01T09:17:53+00:00

We're the same age and I don't think I would've every had the guts to do what you did. So fucking badass ❤

And I'm so curious about what you saw, ngl

helppleasekk · 2020-10-01T13:20:00+00:00

It's so strange how he tried to put equal blame on you. Just another worthless scrote trying to gaslight a young woman, I'm sure it's worked out great for him in the past. He reacted by hiding your phone because he had no idea what to do against a woman who doesn't take shit.

FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-10-01T09:57:06+00:00

There needs to be a way to charge people to speak with you like this. That would be awesome.

MRgoudaonionspickles · 2020-10-01T12:31:19+00:00

I would've just called an Uber and refused to ride in a car with this man. So much more risk being in a car. Who knows what he would've done. Never ride with anyone who you are fighting with, for your safety.

PalmFruitWine · 2020-10-01T14:08:25+00:00

It’s always awful, lazy, selfish guys saying texting is “unnatural.” Fine, write me a letter. You know people used to have to communicate by letters for a significant portion of human history when they were apart? Your poor writing comprehension and formation is not my problem.

And if you really can’t be bothered to write, send a voice recording or leave a voice message, and these idiots don’t do either.

They’re also usually the ones with huge Snap scores, but can’t reply to a text. So Snapchat is “natural”? Please.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-10-01T08:20:50+00:00

Why waste your time telling some dude that you're going to charge him for speaking to him but then continue speaking to him? You communicate that you don't want to speak to someone and won't take any more of their shit by totally ignoring them. Further question, why wasn't he already blocked?

not_a_femme · 2020-10-01T06:51:12+00:00

I'm so proud of you! Especially because you're so young but already are so good at having your boundaries and enforcing them. Having self love and respect. Amazing.

r4nd0m-u53r · 2020-10-01T07:00:31+00:00

Wow. This is some queen energy. I would also love to know what you saw and what he admitted to after. Now I'm wondering if I should be checking phones.

muricaxoxo · 2020-10-01T07:18:24+00:00

Hi, wow well done for ridding yours of a LVM in Queen style! I wish I was as smart as you, but I'll keep your idea in mind if I ever get fucked over by a LVM. The amount of deflection from him is incredible. Would you mind pm'ing me what you found on his phone and what he admitted to? (I know I'm late to the thread and I hope it's no trouble, even if it's a copy paste of a message to someone else).

Ok-Firefighter-2266 · 2020-10-01T10:40:37+00:00

I’m so damn proud of you 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾. I laughed so hard when you started spelling out your consultation rates. I’m stealing that and when I do, I’m sending him a payment request on Venmo. 😂

OP, if you don’t mind answering, what did he do and what did he admit to that was worse?

yomommahouse · 2020-10-01T16:27:04+00:00

Wow this was me 4 weeks ago! I found some shady shit on his phone and let him guess what it was...he ended up admitting way more than I knew. Im so ashamed of myself that I didn't leave at the first red flag. Here I was almost 3 years later a complete mental mess because he gaslighted me to the point I thought I was the crazy one. This man had a whole harem of whores he was Communicating with that were "just friends" who happened to send unsolicited unwanted nudes! I was told they are stalking him and he never wanted them. Somehow they would get unblocked but that was the his phones fault. This man was so charming in front of my face...did so many things for me and was super affectionate but behind my back he had a whole other perverted life. I think this is how this narcissist got me to believe I was crazy and insecure. I would say I saw something that I knew I saw and he would convince me I didn't see what I saw and convince me that whatever he said he never said. 4 weeks narc free today and I will NEVER let a man back into my life. He ruined it for me. I have no desire to ever go back down that road again. He was a master at manipulation and lived a completely fake life in front of my face. I'm better off alone. Moving into my new luxury apartments today right by the beach. Life always seems to get better for me when I don't have a man bringing me down.

SmoothDaikon · 2020-10-01T05:28:19+00:00

What a feeling psycho. I’m curious tho, what’d you see and what’d he say that was way worst?

NiBBasBeCrazy · 2020-10-01T14:15:50+00:00

Fuck this reminded me of my ex. Went though his phone and saw all the shit he had been sending to his ex. All “I miss yous” “I love yous” “you’re my princess” “you’re my life” “I can’t wait to marry you”, meanwhile he never ever told me he loved me or missed me.

She’d send him selfies and he’d be like “😍😍😍”. I stayed for way too long. Stupid young me. Never again.

hazelbroom · 2020-10-01T12:15:21+00:00

It's so important to not tell what you found! They usually volunteer multiple awful things you didn't know about as what you must have found. And they don't know what they did wrong so hopefully they won't be able to fool the next woman better. I'm really proud of you leaving so decisively!

Caedere01 · 2020-10-01T07:00:02+00:00

I would love to know what you saw and what he admitted to. I wonder just how stupid this guy is.

smallishtree · 2020-10-01T14:59:00+00:00

B you are a hoot but honestly shouldn’t have texted him back after you got your things

whenthecagedbirdsing · 2020-10-01T16:01:13+00:00

I’m taking notes..📝 if I’m writing a paragraph to a man it’s only to discuss rates of me engaging in a conversation with him 💯

Express_Chocolate_60 · 2020-10-01T06:54:57+00:00

Let me guess....he was either cheating on you or he had pedo related material on his phone?

arwenagon24999 · 2020-10-01T12:42:20+00:00

So happy to hear about what you did. I wish I was this intelligent when I was 20 lol. All the power to you, FDS Queen 💕

bananamilk58 · 2020-10-01T13:54:01+00:00

Amazing. I wish I had half the brains and guts as you when I was 20. Could’ve saved so much time and hurt. Good for you. So proud 👸

eucalyptusiscool · 2020-10-01T16:12:49+00:00

This is good!! Next time though I wouldn’t let the convo go on this long, it’s a lot of back and forth. Block button is king.

honeybeeroll · 2020-10-01T21:27:53+00:00

What a jackass 🙄. You handled this so well, sorry he put you through this. I know we say block immediately but I don't think you made a mistake by briefly fucking w/ him, it's obvious you weren't going to talk to him, and then after only a few messages you blocked him. It's a good rule of thumb though. I could've avoided fucking my life up so much if I was as smart and fearless in my late 20s as you are at 20!

menareoverrated · 2020-10-01T22:42:55+00:00

Charging you $10 a minute is genius

mscristalconnors · 2020-10-01T05:21:26+00:00

Amazing!! Bravo!!

amar2000_ · 2020-10-01T06:16:02+00:00

Queen 👏🏼 shit 👏🏼

nihilistic_outlook · 2020-10-01T20:49:16+00:00

Do you mind sending me a pm too if you don’t mind?

Title	This is why the six month period before declaring someone a HVM is a MINIMUM. Strap in ladies, this is fun.
Author	RepresentativeAnt701
Upvotes	266
Comments	174
Date	October 1, 2020 3:15 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j30rnx/this_is_why_the_six_month_period_before_declaring/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/this-is-why-the-six-month-period-before-declaring.274772 https://theredarchive.com/post/274772

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