Time and time again, we see posts criticizing women who are looking for financially stable partners or who are looking for spouses who earn a higher salary than they do. They’re labelled as money grubby gold diggers who only look at men for their wallets. In my experience, though, while men love the idea of being with a woman who earns more money, they don’t like the reality that comes with being the less successful, lower earning spouse.

Once a couple decides to have kids, one partner usually takes a hit to their career. It is sacrificed for the greater good of the family. This is often the wife, either because the couple wants her to have a more traditional role in the household and/or because she earns less than her husband. She might stay home with the kids. She might take a flexible, part-time job in order to have better availability for her school aged children. Even if she still works full-time, she’s often the one who gets called when a kid is sick during gym class or who takes time off for dentist appointments. If someone needs to stay home with a vomiting kid or to be home for the plumber to show up, it defaults to her as her career is seen as the less important of the two, especially if she earns significantly less. One of the big reasons for the gender pay gap is due to women focusing on raising children and managing the household.

I’m not saying men are completely absent from raising their kids by any means, but if a woman makes $60K a year and her husband makes $110K a year, it’s logical that she’s the one who’s leaving work early to take the kids to the optometrist. At the end of the day, if someone has to sacrifice their career, it’s going to be her. There’s very few reasons for the couple to prioritize the woman’s career when her husband makes significantly more than her.

I’m a high earning woman in my early thirties, and I am totally open to marrying a man who makes less than me. In my last relationship, I was the breadwinner, and there’s a high likelihood it will happen again. The reality is that if I’m making more money and have a significantly higher earning potential, my career needs to be the priority in the relationship, though. My partner needs to understand that if someone’s career needs to be sacrificed for the greater good of the family, it’s his. If I’m the breadwinner, he’s the one who is picking the kids up when they’re sick during 3rd period or who has to be willing to move to a new state if a solid job offer comes my way.

Since college, I’ve been in a number of relationships, and I’ve gone out with a lot of different men. I have only dated one who is genuinely open to putting his career on the back burner for a more successful wife. Most men I know tend to be happy about the idea of their partner earning significantly more money than them, but then they also want either their career to be the priority in the relationship or for their career to be prioritized equally with their wife's. They admit they’ll probably end up being resentful if they’re the parent who is always attending doctors appointments or doing the after school soccer run. It can’t be both ways, though. Either you earn more than your wife or you accept the reality that your career might have to be the one to suffer when life gets in the way.

Are you willing to happily sacrifice your career in order to support your more successful wife?