Valentine's Day Postmortem Discussion Thread: Did your man disappoint you on Valentine's Day? Comment your story below!

Samvanderkamp123 · 2021-02-16T05:25:46+00:00

My man didn’t disappoint me because I kicked him out last year.

My daughter had a great day: I had pre-ordered her some Body Shop lotions and cosmetics, added some bath bombs and soap from Whole Foods, and put in some good chocolate, all arranged in a nice gift bag with a card.

Newsflash. It’s not hard to do this. I run a business and a home and I managed to do all this, getting things I know she likes, by (1) listening to what she says she likes and (2) not waiting until the day itself to go shopping.

gibgerbabymummy · 2021-02-16T04:49:52+00:00

Best part, my husband brought flowers, a nice card and chocolates for my disabled dad to give my mum and ran then round in the night after she went to bed, so it was a suprise. I normally do this but have been on a serious depressive episode the last few months and wasn't able to do it myself. This is the best thing he could've done for Valentine's Day.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-02-16T04:22:52+00:00

Ex-situationship sent me a text message which was a link to a Valentine’s Day themed tweet.... lmao

Kaiismename · 2021-02-16T04:05:32+00:00

He most definitely did. This may be a little emotion filled since I’m still very frustrated. So, this is a relatively new relationship, but he asked me to be his Valentine’s. Therefore, I ,incorrectly, assumed he would be getting me a gift. I ended up searching for a really nice and special gift for me. He got it and was elated. Though he had nothing for me in return. Not even a card or flowers or really anything. So yeah, I’m a fool. A fool who is now out of $20.00 something odd-dollars.

throwaway818111010 · 2021-02-16T04:23:51+00:00

He knows that I absolutely love flowers and the one day out of the year you would think he would get me some is Valentine’s Day? But nope. A cheap card with a certificate to dinner at a later date and a sucker. I couldn’t hold back the tears because he really is a good guy (smart, hardworking, kind, decent lover) but can’t be romantic to save his life. He is all about saving money and wanting to retire early so I guess anything that’s not practical is a waste of money in his eyes. I hate myself for crying in front of him because he is now mad at ME for getting so upset about something as silly as “flowers.” I wish I could just not care but one of my core personal principles is “the best or nothing at all.”

Remember this: Life is too short to continually be disappointed.

That will be our last Valentine’s Day together.

Edit: Because I’m a big baby, I have tears in my eyes reading all your uplifting comments. Thank you so much for making me feel better ladies. I’m truly grateful for each of you. 💕

Throwaway810981232 · 2021-02-16T04:50:23+00:00

Mine chose the day of all days to break up with me and left me homeless

xpressurself111 · 2021-02-16T04:28:31+00:00

LDR. He said “Happy Valentine’s Day” twice and allegedly sent a card, which never arrived. We virtually watched TV together but he started making his dinner halfway through.

I “communicated” constantly that I need affirmation, reassurance, affection. Walking past my building lobby filled with flowers and gifts hurt. Ladies, this is what happens when you ignore red flags. He knows, but he doesn’t care because he doesn’t think I deserve more.

Don’t be like me ❤️

little_pill · 2021-02-16T04:25:56+00:00

Nope, mine was wonderful. I am away working a disaster contract (I’m an RN) and he sent me a bunch of small, sentimental gifts that I can have here and take home with me, calling every day, making sure I am as well taken care of as he can possibly manage from far away.

I’m everything that incels and red pillers try to speak against - older, fiercely independent with very high standards for the people I choose to bring into my life - and yet somehow I found a guy who actually cares about making me feel loved and secure with him. According to the scrotes, I should be hiding myself under a shroud of shame for being undesirable, yet somehow I’ve managed to meet a person who values me as a human being and shows genuine love and concern for me. Funny how that all worked out.

ninjabunnay · 2021-02-16T06:31:37+00:00

Snowed in and unable to see each other for a few days as we are both without power (for 24 hours now) becs of this freak snow storm. He has called me every 2 hours to make sure I was ok and try to convince me to get a hotel since I have no heat due to the blackout. When I told him I was charging my phone in the car and sitting in it for heat (but I’m too scared to drive- this is Austin and unprecedented weather) he told me firmly to pack my stuff and my dogs and he was borrowing a friends truck to come get us. He is also without power but wants me safe with him so he can make sure we are all ok. I love him so much.

questionsaboutrel521 · 2021-02-16T05:34:17+00:00

😍😍ALRIGHT LADIES SAPPY LOVE POST😍😍 I was pleasantly surprised. I am so skeptical from my past relationships with LVM and downright abusive NVM to know I’m deserving of this, and usually have low expectations. So I was prepping myself mentally for disappointment.

Normally he’s very big on getting up and getting going to start the day, while I like a slower morning routine. So it was awesome that for Valentine’s he lolled around in PJs with me all morning. We made a second pot of coffee. We ate biscuits. We watched a cheesy rom-com with Amy Schumer cuddled up. It was exactly the kind of weekend morning I crave.

He let me know he wanted to cook dinner for me that evening. I had two short work-related commitments that night, which made me worry about it. Without skipping a beat, he said, “So that means I should have dinner ready between 7 and 8?” So it would be perfectly timed between my two meetings 🥰

When I got to his house he gave me my gift - they were super soft PJ pants with little cartoon animals in love cuddling. It was sentimental and actually thoughtful - remember how I said I liked cozy mornings?

I came back from my first meeting with an absolutely gorgeous supper ready to go. He loves to cook but he really went all out for this meal to plate it with a restaurant quality presentation. I was already smitten with the day and happy as I went to my second meeting.

I walked in to a surprise! He had dessert set out with a cocktail to match to toast. And he made me laugh by revealing he had bought matching PJ pants with the cuddling animals, and goofily insisted I wear mine too so we match. It was silly and fun and couple-y. Just felt spoiled.

I’m not trying to brag, just to point out that you deserve a man who wants to love on you 💅. And for our sad male lurkers obsessed with calling us gold diggers, I just want to point out that thoughtfulness is not always an expensive restaurant or a dozen plus roses (although there’s nothing wrong with that if that is your taste and you shouldn’t feel bad for it). It was the perfect low-key but special day for me.

Bitchkittenzz · 2021-02-16T07:46:47+00:00

This will be difficult to write, because I’m still unsure of how to process...

We’re “dating”, it’s technically a long distance thing but he’ll be moving back to our city in a couple of months—spend most weekends together, but no exclusivity talk just a, “I really like you let’s go with the flow”. Waited over three months to sleep together. He’s stated he’s not used to not dating casually, after at the very beginning I was clear I have no desire to casually date someone...this was the first weekend I drove the three hours to visit him—we were driving around, he wanted to take me up to the mountains, it was snowing and beautiful and was a really nice time...I made him a card. He liked it, thanked me, and stated that he thought flowers or something would’ve been too cheesy(?) so that’s why he took me up to the mountains....

Like I understand the sentiment but I also have the “if he wanted to, he fuckin’ would” echoing repeatedly around in my head.

Disappointed, yes, but only because I had an j realistic expectation given the current circumstance of the situation ship.

Yuck. Rereading this leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I know, ladies, I know.

January_Rain_93 · 2021-02-16T07:24:51+00:00

I've never been one for Valentine's Day. Not because I want to be a 'cool girl' but because I had been given enough tacky cards and cheap, petrol station forecourt flowers for a lifetime. My instruction is put the effort in, or dont waste my time. Cue my current partner - last year I was working on Valentine's Day, and he knows that after a long day I don't want to get dressed up and go out so he brought round ingredients for lasagne (which he'd had to look up as I'm vegetarian and use a different recipe), a bottle of wine and some body lotion. "That's not your present, I just saw you were running low the other day". My present was actually a charm for a bracelet I wear all the time. This year was a little different as we are in quite a strict lockdown in the UK. He still made dinner and he'd bought me some tarot cards I'd had my eye on but couldn't really justify buying.

Remember: if he wanted to, he would.

karaokekiller · 2021-02-16T07:20:27+00:00

Yes dissapointing.

I know what's next ladies. He'll probably be blind sided even though it's really obvious.

imsorryimtoocanadian · 2021-02-16T04:46:48+00:00

surprised me with a pre-ordered bouquet of flowers, took my puppy and I to a dog park, bought us an assortment of fresh pasta from an italian market, we cooked, drank wine, then watched a movie. it was low-key, but lovely & what i wanted!

he's not my boyfriend. we briefly dated last year, at that time i told him that we should do valentine's day together if we were still single. i broke it off with him because of school & life getting in the way. after over a month of not talking, he surprised me with a christmas basket delivered to my house. after that we started to talk and he started to pursue me again. he reminded me of our v-day promise (that i totally forgot about) and followed through. he's showed me that if a guy wants to, he will!

souredskittles · 2021-02-16T08:39:25+00:00

For anyone that reads this and you had a bad Valentine’s Day, you have no reason to be sad if HE was the one who didn’t know how to conduct himself.

I took my mom out yesterday, it was simple btw. I saw some queens who were treated right but ALOT looked disappointed when the restaurant shooed them away since there was no more reservations. Nvms had taken their SOs to a random shop to eat, I could tell they were so disappointed because the woman was dressed up (expecting something nice) while he looked like he just got out of bed.

Davina33 · 2021-02-16T08:07:36+00:00

I left my ex year and I'm in a women's refuge. The staff here made the day special for us. They came in early and set up the dining room. So we came downstairs to balloons, decorations, flowers, chocolates and a card each. It really was a wonderful thing to do. I didn't find the day as upsetting/painful as I thought. In fact I forgot until I saw all of that. I'm stronger than I think.

Thanks for the award!

millennialpink2000 · 2021-02-16T04:23:12+00:00

[deleted]

cici_sweetheart · 2021-02-16T05:38:17+00:00

By man do you mean the man I made up in my head that only comes at night or whenever I’m bored? 😭

panda_brit · 2021-02-16T07:21:22+00:00

Yes he did. I gave him a variety of thoughtful gifts, I bought him a card and also made him one. All he got me was 1 single rose which is already dead and a card. We had sex the morning of Valentine’s and it was terrible. Everything was terrible. We’ve been together a year and he still hasn’t told me he loves me either. He’s known me 11 years. Just yesterday I expressed to him how we needed to talk about things... he hasn’t even approached the subject. I’m actually leaving him today. After work. This seems small but it’s actually one of many disappointments that have occurred in the last year or so.

Throwawayrightaway28 · 2021-02-16T06:22:10+00:00

This is where a roster comes in handy. One new guy (two dates) went AWOL around the 11th and texted me today. Blocked. The other took me out and bought me a variety of chocolates. He got docked points because he didn’t bring me flowers. My parents, who never disappoint, got me balloons, a beautiful card, all my favorite candy, a makeup bag, and a cute hair holder for when I give myself facials. As always, scrotes 0-my parents 1. In college for V-Day, my first BF gave me an IPod, which he pre-loaded with all my favorite songs and Disney movies. A teenage boy did that. Still looking for that kind of effort from grown men.

BabyBlankieieieieie · 2021-02-16T06:21:32+00:00

Got a random Facebook message this morning from a random guy I talked to while I was at junior college for two years before I finished my degree at a university. He had no license bc of a DUI back then and the DUI was like 8 years gone, ha. His message today said sth about how he used to be so good at communicating, but wait no he wasn’t, bc he spoke negatively to me and said harsh words. I did not deserve that as his editor and friend. Hope life is going well take care, -name-

That’s the closest thing I got to anyone trying anything on me for Valentine’s Day. I’m not even dating or trying. I legit don’t care anymore, and what’s more, think I actually want to be alone forever. I just can’t imagine having someone disturb my peace.

Turbulent_Gazelle · 2021-02-16T09:53:22+00:00

My son bought me flowers and candy that is special to me (even though he knew I didn't want anything).

Valentine's has never been good for me even when in a relationship. My son has done more for me than any man I've been with and that's tragic. This year, I breathed a sigh of relief because no one was going to ruin the day for me with little to no effort, bad behavior or expecting me to pay. I was happy that I was strong enough to be alone, not settle and concentrate on becoming whole and happy within myself first (I'm about 80% there). I made dinner for myself, watched a movie then had a delicious dessert.

wagonwheel_ · 2021-02-16T15:54:10+00:00

Not me because I’m off men for the time being. My cousin and I are quarantined together. Her bf of eight months is currently long distance as of two months ago.

All he did was FaceTime her for 90 minutes. That’s it. No card, no gift, nothing. We’re like sisters so I felt comfortable asking her WHY he didn’t even attempt to make their first v day feel a little special.

Apparently they’ve been going through a rough patch lately, therefore he felt that it was unnecessary to do anything special for her because he hasn’t been feeling “emotionally fulfilled” by her due to their frequent disagreements. So instead of taking an opportunity to mend fences and remind her why they started dating in the first place, he does absolutely NOTHING.

Oh, and his second excuse for not sending a gift: our grandmother also lives with us and he’s “worried” that a delivery person will give us covid? I’ve never heard of anyone getting sick from an Amazon package left on the front door. I literally spat out my drink and laughed when she told me this. WHAT?!

saltedpretzel2 · 2021-02-16T09:32:53+00:00

I think I have a pretty good chance of winning most disappointing LVM for valentines day.

I'll just preface this by saying I am in an area where there are no lockdowns atm so everything is open. Anywho.

I had been seeing a guy for 6 weeks now. The day before valentines day he messaged me at 7am to say "good morning", took me to lunch which cost $65, came to a show with me and a bunch of my friends which was $50 per ticket, spent the night being all cuddly and holding my hand in public and acting like a couple. Stayed the night at my house, woke up and made me a coffee and made my bed. Then he told me he was going to go to the kiosk across from my house to grab us an egg and bacon roll for breakfast.

I honestly thought he was making an excuse to leave my house to go get me flowers or a gift and surprise me. I thought he was going to ask me to be his gf on valentines day, since the past 6 weeks he had been taking me on all of these beautiful days & treating me like a princess - messaging me every single day, sharing music with me, spending $100+ on dinners for us, coming to see me every weekend which is a 40+ min drive each way, really putting in the effort and all of his conversation indicated he was interested in a relationship - he never said anything that would make me think he didn't, and since he always followed through with plans and was so consistent with his efforts I assumed he saw this becoming serious, why wouldn't I assume that?

But he came back with two egg and bacon rolls.

He didn't even SAY happy valentines day to me.

After breakfast, he showed me a message his friend had sent him of how the friend was in trouble for not doing anything for his own gf for valentines day. He thought it was funny. At this point, inside I was fuming that he hadn't even said happy valentines to me but had the audacity to wave this message in my face. So I said "oh happy valentines day btw" and he was like "Oh yeah, happy valentines day. I wasn't sure how to approach today, sorry I didn't get you anything"

..... so I was like "are you joking? You really didn't get me anything, or plan anything at all?" and he said "no". So I told him that says a lot to me about how he must feel about me. And he was like "I really like you a lot, I dont see why today should mean more than yesterday, it's just another day". I was like "Well, I dint believe you didnt know what to do today since you could plan a date any other day" and to the fact he said he liked me a lot I told him "well you dont like me ENOUGH then"

Then I told him that we've been dating for 6 weeks and I thought he might ask me to be his gf today. I said "where do you see this going?" and he said he didn't know. I was soooooo taken aback. I listened to his bullshit for a while about how he always fucks everything up (his attempt at apity party trying to get me to feel sorry for him) and that he doesn't think he's ready for a relationship right now and he's been on his own for so long (also called him out on this as he has only been single since last june). And he also said something about how it's been a really long time since he's celebrated a valentines day - this part just tells me he treated the last girl this way too, since he was in a relationship last valentines day yet he's saying he hasn't celebrated one for ages? Uhhh okay dude thanks for the heads up that this is just a taste of what would've been to come...

Anyway. I sat there and listened to his lame ass excuses for a while, inside a hot fire raging (lol). I looked him dead in the eyes and I said "I never really got an answer. Do you want me to be your girlfriend?" and he said "Not at the moment" or something to that affect, cant remember the exact words, but he def threw in that 'hope' of maybe one day it might happen but don't count on it

Thats when I looked at him dead in the eyes and said "get the fuck out of my house"

He didn't move right away. So I got up off the chair and said again "I'm not joking. Get the fuck out"

He then started to follow me to the door, where I was standing with it held wide open for him, making a gesture for him to get out

Once he was on the other side of the door, I yelled out "AND I DONT EVER WANNA SEE U OR HEAR FROM U EVER AGAIN" then I slammed the door harder than I ever have. Proceeded to block him on facebook, on instagram and on texting and deleted his number

Then i went to the bar with two of my (male) friends.

Fuck that guy. He went out of his way to ensure I had a shitty valentines day. I had also bought a small box of chocolates for him to surprise him if he did do anything sweet for me, I never told him about them because he didn't deserve the ego stroke, and when I got back from the bar I ate them while watching a chick flick.

gibgerbabymummy · 2021-02-16T04:48:19+00:00

My husband ordered ingredients for a pre-prepped Valentine's meal and posh wine and we made my favourite starter I mentioned off hand my mum used to make but I'd never cooked and we made that together. We snuggled and watched The Shining (my fav movie) he brought me a huge bunch of flowers with a wooden teddy in it for my daughter. A big box of chocolates which we ate with the kids. He let me sleep in and sorted the kids all day, out then to bed with a movie so we could have a peaceful eve. Silly Disney card with a msg inside which made me cry. ❤️

singing_stream · 2021-02-16T14:21:01+00:00

I got a text from my ex..

I walked out on him on Boxing day, after a seriously terrible evening together, but due to his mental health issues, and me being scared he'd do something to himself, i told him i'd consider trying again when he'd been through therapy for a couple of months.

Well, it's been almost a couple of months.. i've seen him a few times for a quick cuppa or when i've picked up some of my things from his place. I saw him briefly on valentines day, and i realised that i literally never want him back.

I never want to sit there again feeling ignored, invisible.. catering to all his needs and whims, and getting zero of mine met.

So yesterday i gently told him exactly that.. i told him that i don't feel the same about him anymore, and we need to move on. He seemed to take it better than i thought he would (bet he's slagging me off to his friends though like he did when we were together).

and yep.. that was mine - thanks to FDS, i gained the courage to cut it off completely. I'm worth way more than that, and in the coming year, i hope to find someone special, but if not it's fine.

So yep.. i gave myself the best valentines gift ever - my long overdue freedom <3

SMansdotter · 2021-02-16T12:48:49+00:00

No flowers for me, bc bf is very alergic.

However, he did surprise me with home made hot chocolate, made by melting my favorite type of chocolate, mixing it with fresh pressed orange juice, and spiking it with my favorite liquor (topped with whipped cream). It was so delicious, he's ruined me for any other type of hot chocolate.

Also, he made it the night before Valentine's, bc we had plans to go see my parents on Valentine's itself (we've both got anti-bodies).

It really doesn't have to be traditional stuff, but goddamnit if we don't all deserve them putting in that little bit of extra effort for Valentine's. Never settle, ladies.

throwRA8935747835 · 2021-02-16T08:53:41+00:00

I've had a very rough week and also had had a minor argument with my partner, so I really hadn't had the capacity to even think about the day or do anything. He didn't disappoint though, he made a nice dinner the night before, and then woke me up with breakfast in bed, a card and a couple small, sentimental gifts. Among these were speciality teas, which he had picked based on my favourite region (!) and flavour.

I should have known that he would have come up with something, because he also didn't disappoint last year, despite our relationship being relatively new and I hadn't discovered FDS yet (which meant I didn't put any priority to the day).
So, overall quite happy with how things worked out :)

klops_fighter · 2021-02-16T13:02:26+00:00

I made us some pancakes for breakfast and he brought me beautiful flowers. We took a walk together to a church nearby.

Then I relaxed in the bathtub with a cocktail while he cooked a three course dinner for us. He tried some new recipes and it was so so so delicious!

My gift didn't arrive on time, but all in all it was a lovely day

nymphaetamine · 2021-02-16T14:00:10+00:00

The only man in my life is my toddler. Valentine's day was spent playing, laughing, and giving me lots of hugs & kisses. 10/10 V-day, did not disappoint.

simplicityduplicity · 2021-02-16T16:17:36+00:00

Seeing someone new right now and it’s all really fresh, but the man did not disappoint, sisters. Fine dining reservations made more than a week in advance, wore a nice suit to dinner, and treated me to long-stemmed red roses and a very personalized 14K gold necklace. My efforts/time finally feel reciprocated.

UnderwaterWriter · 2021-02-16T06:19:59+00:00

My guy got me tickets to my favorite band in the country I used to live in. He knows how much I miss my friends there and wanted to support me visiting them this year when it’s safe. We both got dressed up and went for brunch at my favorite French place. It was a divine day!

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-02-16T08:37:24+00:00

Bear in mind we've been married half our lives and I'm on this sub to update my radfem program for the sake of our teenagers. Like someone else wrote, according to the incels, an fff like me (ferocious forty-something feminist) should not expect anything on v-day. But I like to mix things up. A little shouting into bulhorns, a little romance, some letters to the editor, a night of salsa in heels...

So I got beautiful hammered antique 18 c gold and emerald pendant earrings with historical certificate from 1922, mini roses (I don't really like the giant red ones) and dinner at a swank parilla with gf options and organic wine. I got him the books he was hinting about.

The restaurant did temp checks at reception and had good social distancing. We ordered bife chorizo and salad, a glass of Malbec, coffee with heavy cream and these tiny gluten-free pastries served on a sort of wire sculpture. I almost never eat sugar so that was special. We talked about the kids, the role of gender politics in neoliberalism, our daydream of one day designing a house in the country, and then we were joking about something I can't remember now. We always start out so analytical but things usually devolve into idiocy and Elmer Fudd voices.

Later in bed I tried something I hadn't done in awhile and afterwards joked that I was out of practice. He said, and I quote, "No, you did it like a p..." and stopped himself. We laughed ourselves sick. I kept saying "Like a p-p-p-puritan?" "Like a P-P-Portuguese fisherman?" "Like a p-p-p-payroll specialist?"

It took him years to get used to my thing about laughing in bed but now he sets me off deliberately. I'm a hedonist and like having all my favorite activities heaped together. If we could have had that rack of pastries and a bullhorn at the same time that would have been p-p-p-perfection.

Mind-Objective · 2021-02-16T05:01:40+00:00

It was okay. My mans (very good single guy friends) and I went to the ski resort; it was boring but their presence made things better.

We found this local pricey restaurant and the staff surprised us with some free alcohol at the end.

Not a drinker but the hot coco with cinnamon was good and so was the burrito I had.

BlueJeanMistress · 2021-02-16T16:52:58+00:00

Nope! My husband bought me two dozen roses, my favorite chocolates, a beautiful card with a thoughtful message inside and a gorgeous diamond bracelet. We got a couples massage and had dinner at a steakhouse. It was the perfect day. It took a long time to find my HVM but he was worth the wait 💜

zorua · 2021-02-16T17:38:58+00:00

He did not have a chance to disappoint me this year as I ended it with him last year.

This year I had a great day by myself and the dog i look after. Last year I was waking up in dread expecting nothing from him after months of him treating me like shit and a break up for a day the month before. Me giving him thoughtful gifts and being affectionate and him giving me some terrible generic gift you'd buy in some petrol station but I tried to be grateful anyway. Then slaving away for him doing what he wanted sexually (he was selfish af) and then cooking for him.

Naaaah. Never again, so glad that he's already moved in with someone else and now she's gonna have to be disappointed each day instead of me!

heleninthealps · 2021-02-16T10:54:53+00:00

No he didn't it wasn't any huge super romantic gestures, but it was everything I asked for plus more stuff that he knows makes me happy:

Making me coffee, watching my favorite show together, playing my favorite game together, going for a walk to my favorite place, cleaning the whole flat himself, cooking my favorite meal for me and surprising me with a romantic bath coloured in pink with bath bombs with hearts on them together.
Small stuff, but since I had to work (for my company) for an urgent thing he was supportive in all other things the full day so I didn't have to stress.

essetea · 2021-02-16T09:38:42+00:00

I sent 8 messages to a man i am talking to, he ignored me entirely until late the next day and replied with a message ignoring anything about valentines day and only mentioned characters in a book I mentioned

aclick1999 · 2021-02-16T19:04:16+00:00

👌 got me loads of chocolate. And my favourite cheddar cheese (long story) and a cute owl figurine. Took me to a beautiful Moroccan restaurant, curtains, lanterns, pillows, great vibe. If I could add a photo I would. I painted him a picture as a gift, which he hung up immediately in his office. It was nice, no stress, no pretense. Just a nice day where we had an excuse to be obnoxiously lovey-dovey. And I would wish the same for all women who chose to participate in valentines festivities.

snootdidanoot · 2021-02-16T05:48:22+00:00

Disappointed :c

I made gift bags for him, my sister, my mother and his sister. I'm working on accepting gifts (I used to feel guilty for asking for help, let alone receiving gifts!) and he thought I still didn't want any. When he saw how much thought and effort I put into the gifts he felt like shit and took us out for breakfast, and said he'd plan something more exciting next weekend to make up for it. I was disappointed he had nothing planned and no gift, but he saw that and is trying to make up for it. Partly both our faults for not talking about our expectations around valentines day 😅 whoops

chasingastarl1ght · 2021-02-16T07:18:48+00:00

It was cute! We are in full lockdown here with curfew so options were limited (all non essential stores were, up until very recently, closed) He showed up with strawberries dipped in chocolate he made himself and champagne. Take out from my favourite restaurant in candle lights.
I already had received a bouquet of flowers from the bestie (for some unrelated thing a few days ago) so he opted out of getting me flowers on the day of since my vase was already busy. We played boardgames together, walked the dog in the snow and had a light and fun day.

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2021-02-16T19:53:13+00:00

My husband paid for a Galentine's date so that my best friend and I could get away from the kids for a few hours. Hit the roller rink, bowling alley, and the arcade. Won much prizes! He was waiting at home with ordered in sushi and flowers when we got back. Did not disappoint.

biggestsigh · 2021-02-16T16:03:39+00:00

[deleted]

2021-02-16T20:59:31+00:00

I’m single single so I wandered to my usual bar to give my lady bartenders flowers. I’m one of the regulars and go in alone so they got to know me fairly quickly. It actually was a relief to not hear from anyone on Valentine’s Day as weird as that sounds. The feeling of being comfortably single is addicting.

Connect-Ad-9361 · 2021-02-16T07:58:54+00:00

It was kind of a rollercoaster but ended up okay. WEW this ended up longer than I thought it was going to. Sorry for weird formatting, phoneposting.

We got a cabin for a lovely mountain getaway that ended up being pretty wonderful. Spent our nights sipping champagne in the hottub and eating fine chocolates.

I had planned the trip itself (picked the cabin and whatnot) and asked him to plan an itinerary of things to do. The place we were going to had no shortage of activities to the point of choice fatigue. This should have been an easy task. He sent me a screenshot of some restaurants he found once and I never heard another word about it. He planned nothing. I was actually ready to let that go since we just kind of went with the flow and I was having more fun just deciding what to do as we go along anyways, but things kind of came to a head on valentines day.

We were laying in bed in the morning and he was being strangely secretive with his phone, something he NEVER does. We have each other's lock codes, we will literally sit there and scroll through his insta together because it's all just art and animals and nature stuff (I joke that he looks at tits and boobies because he follows a lot of bird pages). So I'm thinking "oh, is he planning something?".

No. It was just a dumb picture he wanted to send me and he was being goofy about it.

So everything just kind of boiled up and I unloaded about how he didn't do what I asked and it became a whole thing. Then he says okay today you don't have to do anything ill take care of it all.

You can guess about how well that went, because when you're trying to plan things on the fly together you need a certain degree of teamwork. And hes not good under pressure anyways. And he turns into a turtle when conflict happens so trying to pull communication out of him is like pulling teeth. Great. Cue unloading session #2 in the parking lot of the place I wanted to go to. The whole thing took way, way longer than it needed to because like I said, he becomes a turtle and having 5 minutes of conversation takes half an hour because I think he just genuinely can't come up with the words. He sits there and picks at his fingernails out of anxiety.

We eventually got out of the car, im hangry so I say I want to go find somewhere to eat (we were at a big theme park type place with lots of shops and restaurants). We get to the place I want to eat and my card declines. Oof. I'm fumbling with my phone to transfer money into the checking account but we're in the mountains and I don't have phone service and he hands the cashier a 20 and pays for me. Hurt my pride a little since I'm very proud of my financial independence but I was grateful. We sit down, I get a little food in me, and start to feel better. Hes on the verge of tears because delayed reaction I guess so we talk about it a little bit, we both eat, and honestly ended up having a wonderful rest of the trip. On the morning we left he cleaned up the airbnb and packed pretty much everything by himself, and didn't wake me up until like 10 mins before it was time to leave. His valentines day gifts were nice and thoughtful. Everything other than the 6 or so hours we were arguing was intimate and fun.

I met him pre FDS so sometimes trying to compromise my old choices with my new mindset feels like trying to force a square peg in a round hole, but not in the way you would normally think, I guess? He loves the alpha bitch attitude and has called me "confident and demanding" as compliments before. I think he genuinely wants to live up to my expectations but has issues doing it consistently. I dunno. Well there's my ramble.

16February2021 · 2021-02-16T14:13:08+00:00

I have been lurking this subreddit for a bit and finally decided to join, I had to do it with new account though. First off, I wish this sub was here in my teen years, it would save me a lot of trauma.

What made me join is my partner that puts no effort into relationship, accuses me of asking him to mind read or manipulating him.

So for entire of our relationship, which comes to 2 years, I said I'll make something nice for our anniversary and you plan something nice for valentines day. Our first valentines day was when we just met, on second valentines day we were moving in together so our third one is finally the one when he can plan something. It's something I have mentioned frequently. I said I didn't want him to buy me anything, just plan something nice (I don't like commercial side of valentines day, also I just want to live as waste free as possible).

So... Valentines day comes, my partner disappears and comes with bunch of roses and a card (I have found out it's actually a discounted Christmas card yay). Then he disappeared to play games and then spend rest of the day fixing his bicycle (it was dismembered for at least half of the year in bathroom).

So today we had an argument about it. I mean... Him not being capable of planning something for valentines day was already upsetting for me so him being so defensive in the argument just made me cry. I am easy crier, it's something he is aware of. I can't stop it.

I didn't had big expectations, in the end there is pandemic going around. I hoped to do some fun stuff together like going for a walk, eat a dinner together with candles or watch something.

But no... Apparently I am expecting him to mind read but... At any point he could have said that he doesn't know what to do or just ask me what I want (although I think "plan something for v. Day" is just.. Obvious?) so who is here expecting who to mind read? His response was "I forgot" wtf??

Then he accused me of manipulating him because I am arguing with him and crying... Well obviously, I have emotions and I'll cry because you have upset me and you wouldn't acknowledge my needs.

So I have not only found pink flags but also red flags thanks to material here. I don't agree with all stuff but there is plenty I have learned:

He doesn't respect my needs. - I am not high maintenance partner, I literally just want basic relationship things. Like... I want you to do xyz so I enjoy sex too or... We should plan our meals and share this chore because it's time consuming. He doesn't respect or acknowledge my needs until we get to the point of argument
He goes to extremes in arguments and wouldn't think logically or just admit that he did something wrong - I get this shit is hard. However when it comes to arguments, he goes to extremes and in the end says "if you don't like this about me then we shouldn't be together". Who is manipulating who now? On top of it, when it comes to arguments, he immediately thinks that there is something wrong with relationship and that no one argues in relationship. We rarely argue and it's healthy but he handles it in unhealthy way. That's red flag not pink flag.
I don't get, he doesn't know basic relationship things like sharing chores such as cooking. He wanted to cook separately instead.. I mean how does that work if he would want to have kids?? His friends have called him out on it
He doesn't respect me knowing things he doesn't -I am autistic, it means that I am walking encyclopedia of random facts, just say a topic and my brain will generate one for you. I tell these fun facts from time to time. For majority of time he questions me and I have to prove him that the fact is correct. Like wtf?? Is it really how people talk??
Apparently I am too fierce with my opinions and needs - that's because I always stand my ground and I do not step down so he is obviously unhappy about it. That's what would bring him to LVM.

I am like this meme with the dog that says "this is fine" while his house is on fire. In newest version, he ends up 'waking up' and realising that nothing is fine and starts putting fire away. This is how I feel and... I sort of feel betrayed because I love this guy but he doesn't have any basic decency to acknowledge my needs. It's always me bringing things up what ends up in conflict so I am the baddie.

I am sorry for ranting for so long. This v day was very lonely and I feel really sad.

What I am glad for is that the relationship is over. He said that planning one date a year is too much for him. Now I feel like dating a woman instead

takethemonkeynLeave · 2021-02-16T16:26:32+00:00

Been seeing a guy for about a month and a half, he got me a thoughtful gift. Cooked dinner together. We played some games. I got him something I haven’t been able to give to him yet due to weather. I’m honestly a little afraid to give it to him because the relationship is so new and I’m still getting to know him. Had a scarring experience with lovebombing that makes me feel weird around gift giving/receiving.

Zirniaisuspirgais · 2021-02-16T19:17:33+00:00

rchprm10 · 2021-02-16T23:03:55+00:00

I was pleasantly surprised by Valentine’s Day with my boyfriend. It was just what I asked for and everything I wanted. We’ve been dating (re: vetting) 6 months and I asked for him to plan something simple and relaxed since I’ve had a stressful month at work.

We went to an outdoor farmers market in the morning, sat in a park people watching and drinking coffee from a nearby cafe, for supper he took me to a lovely botanical garden where we had a picnic, and finally we went to his apartment where we exchanged gifts, ate chocolate mousse, and watched a romantic movie. Exactly how I would have planned it myself, honestly.

He gave me a plant and an (expensive) book that is right in line with my interests.

We spent Christmas apart with our respective families so I was really looking forward to seeing how he would handle our first “real holiday” together. I’m very happy with how it went!

Solid-Liquid · 2021-02-16T17:58:08+00:00

I deleted my ex on V Day. He noticed 2 hours later and said this: Imagine being so pressed that somebody you once dated years ago and still cool with is on a Valentine’s date so you block them out of pettiness and jealousy 😂 grow up ma.”

I only found out when my friend told me lmfaooo

SmoochOrSmother · 2021-02-16T07:44:24+00:00

I had a wonderful Valentine’s Day. I’m single and I spent the day with my daughter. We made blueberry cupcakes and had a really nice day. It wasn’t until the morning after I realized I didn’t even ONCE think of Valentine’s Day was our wedding day. I divorced that LVM six years ago, and this Valentine’s Day he was not only out of my life, he was out of my head!

nonchalance77 · 2021-02-16T23:10:43+00:00

I got a vegan chocolate cake from the bakery I like, new vans ( I have a collection) and a foot rub.

Title	Valentine's Day Postmortem Discussion Thread: Did your man disappoint you on Valentine's Day? Comment your story below!
Author	myousername
Upvotes	158
Comments	166
Date	February 16, 2021 3:59 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lkv96c/valentines_day_postmortem_discussion_thread_did/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/valentines-day-postmortem-discussion-thread-did.741969 https://theredarchive.com/post/741969

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