What do men get for paying for the first date?

Lovers691 · 2023-10-24T01:47:37+00:00

Most women expect it and unless you are an attractive man, you will struggle with women if you try to split the bill.

OpticalEpilepsy · 2023-10-24T01:34:28+00:00

Based on women's complaints all the 'good men' are checking out or becoming passport bros.

MyLastBestChance · 2023-10-24T02:18:15+00:00

If the parties meet on a dating app or similar where it’s clear that both people are actively looking to date, then splitting makes perfect sense.

If a man approaches a woman who’s a stranger and asks her out (or if a woman does the same) it’s considerate to at least sincerely offer to pay for the first date. You (or she) are asking the other person for their time and attention without them actively seeking that invitation or attention. Essentially you’re asking them for an opportunity and then also asking them to pay for that opportunity (that they weren’t even looking for)🤷‍♀️.

I personally split regardless but I can certainly see why it makes sense for the asker to offer to pay in that scenario.

fucksiclepizza · 2023-10-24T01:51:10+00:00

Hahaha no one thinks it's the good men checking out.

Zestyclose_Truth9999 · 2023-10-24T03:24:55+00:00

What do men get for paying for the first date?

Nothing. It's a date, not a transaction.

Perhaps, if the man is on the traditional side, he may volunteer to pay the bill without expecting sex in return.

Key words there: he may volunteer to pay the bill. Grown women with jobs shouldn't expect free meals in 2023 and men shouldn't expect the act of paying a bill to result in an instant dick-sucking session.

EastSideSlasha · 2023-10-24T01:53:53+00:00

Then just don’t go on dates nobody is forcing you

Slyfer_Seven · 2023-10-24T01:40:11+00:00

First, no "good men" are going abroad, that is pure sour grapes fiction. Guys are going abroad only after their minimal efforts yielded zero results at home.

Second, you don't get anything by paying, but you could lose something by not paying. That something being any chick with strong values who was "raised right". Basically the type of chick, that all these split bill, masculine pretenders say they want, would bounce after the firsr date...

SecondEldenLord · 2023-10-25T07:29:36+00:00

Absolutely fucking nothing. Most men get suckered by these women and they instead get an empty wallet instead of a girlfriend. Gentlemen, never pay on the first date for a stranger, pay for your gf instead.

TenaciousVillain · 2023-10-24T02:55:27+00:00

IMO, "good men" don't become passport bros. Lmao

Paying for dates came from an era when men provided for women. Courting was an entire thing. Men treated women on dates to express their dominance, leadership, and masculinity, a measure to win her over, to show his appreciation for her time, to show he could provide, and to stand apart from other men who were looking to court her. They didn't expect anything in return for a single date because they were investing for something bigger: marriage, children, a home life together.

The customs and traditions have largely fallen into sloppy disarray and lost all meaning unless you come from a higher pedigree. That may offend some but it's facts. Wealthy people with true legacies don't play about their traditions. A lot of people are playing at these customs, so you get all sorts of wild, peasant-level renditions. (Peasant was so unnecessary but I couldn't help it. Lmao) Men who think they're owed sex for a steak. Women abusing men's wallets and wanting their rent paid. Both, clueless idiots.

So do you have to pay for a date, fuck no? If you do pay for a date and expect "something" in return for paying, then both you and the woman you're with should be comfortable with the date being transactional, which definitely sets a very poor tone for you both. But you can't spring that shit on her when you've paid the tab. That's predatory. IMO it's kinda of prostitutey either way on both your parts.

People need to get comfortable talking about their dating styles before going on dates. Personally, I've paid for dates, gone dutch, been spoiled and wooed out of my mind. I am extremely detached regardless, because we're JUST dating. That's called managing your expectations. We're just deciding if we want to invest deeper and how we create that experience along the way sets the tone for everything:

If I pay for dates, I'm probably dealing with someone who's not on my level financially, is a user, is in his feminine and wants to be the princess.

If we're trading off or going dutch, then I'm dealing with the 50/50 dude. So, we're both working, dividing housework, and splitting bills if it goes long-term.

If I'm being splurged on and spoiled and wooed, then dude wants me home, raising his babies, catering to him, taking care of his home and he's going to more than provide for everything.

Regardless of any of these situations, if it doesn't work out - neither of us get to demand refunds or sex. Lol, like what?? This is called dating. Fix your budget or stay your ass at home. You win some, you lose some. And men are not the only one's losing. You're just LOUD about it.

At the end of the day, I owe the date nothing. He owes me nothing. Everything is a choice, so to anyone who has it - lose the entitlement.

penndelnj · 2023-10-24T01:32:42+00:00

Nothing, don’t do it if it’s so distressing.

No-Resource2745 · 2023-10-24T03:23:38+00:00

I specifically never allow a guy to pay me on a first date, because of men portraying attitudes like you. Too many men are insistent on getting something immediate in return if they pay for a date, and if don’t want to deal with the way he’s gonna act and treat me if I decide I’m not interested.

MxMaster9907 · 2023-10-24T03:07:03+00:00

If you asked the girl out, you get what you wanted, a date, a chance to impress her and start to make your case as to why she should date you.

You can ask to split the bill, some women don’t mind, some do, up to you.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2023-10-24T03:09:31+00:00

Honestly really nothing it's a gamble I don't mind paying for the first date but women shouldn't expect restaurants with dress codes or where everything on the menu costs 50+ dollars either

Sillysheila · 2023-10-24T05:12:07+00:00

Nothing, which imo is why most men shouldn’t pay the whole bill unless they want to date a traditional woman I guess? If you’re dating a feminist or egalitarian they should be open to splitting or maybe at least paying for the next date. If not, you know they’re a hypocrite.

Whiskeyjack1982 · 2023-10-24T01:55:06+00:00

You get to show them that you qualify as their betabux.

accomp_guy · 2023-10-24T01:55:40+00:00

If women want to be equal this is a fair question. Women should split the bill in this day and age. What are we living in the 2000’s?

mike-sonko · 2023-10-24T02:29:45+00:00

Men get the illusion that the date will lead to another one. This is far from a guarantee.

This is why my first dates are usually cheap AF (coffee, walk in the park, free museum exhibitions etc). Surprisingly majority of the women I dated didn't mind. A few women tried to change up the location: "lets go to <insert expensive restaurant here> instead". These women got dropped with the quickness. A woman who's really into you will be down to sit on a park bench and talk.

Zabadoodude · 2023-10-24T01:51:24+00:00

A slightly increased likelihood of getting a second date or the date leading back to your place.

AdEffective7894s · 2023-10-24T02:51:31+00:00

Dating is an extended hiring process.

I used to be pissed with the double standard here until someone explained that as the ones who are taking care of the logistics men have the right to terminate the interaction at any point without the need for an explanation.

I am ok with that.

prettyangel_x · 2023-10-24T02:58:53+00:00

Lol in the first place why are you even trying to get something out of a meal? It’s pure kindness and shown of interest. If you cannot afford a meal or is expecting a blowjob after the meal then simply don’t go on dates. There are plenty of men who show interest by doing simple/ little things such as paying the bill on a 1st and 2nd date, therefore you do not need to worry.

You comparing women expecting at least a meal paid to prostitution shows how YOUR mind works, you need a lot of cleaning to do.

BoopEverySnoot · 2023-10-24T03:35:48+00:00

What do you expect to get for paying for a date?

MoreSanitizerPls · 2023-10-24T02:09:36+00:00

Well, from a woman’s perspective it signals interest. Just like men want to be desired so do women.

Women’s thinking = Men wouldn’t let the woman they desire to be with pay so if he does make you pay, he’s not that interested.

BaiKingu · 2023-10-24T01:36:35+00:00

You don’t get anything, you do it to show good will. If you expect something back then don’t.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-10-24T05:59:30+00:00

Nothing. Don't pay

I Honestly don't understand d why this is contentious at all.

Almost everyone where I am splits. Or he pays the first round of drinks and women shout the second.

purplish_possum · 2023-10-24T02:52:35+00:00

Overdraft fees.

DeepHouseDJ007 · 2023-10-24T03:54:18+00:00

People still go to restaurants for dates? I always have first dates at fancy cocktail lounges, definitely more fun.

JumboJetz · 2023-10-24T04:11:05+00:00

Dinner and a movie is now like a low 3 figure amount. Easily $100.

I wouldn’t blame men for dropping out of dating.

I honestly don’t know how the average guy affords it. I think a lot of men are shifting to “coffee dates” for a first date for this reason.

Next recession may see millions of men be priced out of dating entirely I think.

Cheetahfan123 · 2023-10-24T05:55:35+00:00

I will always split the bill.

Friedrich_Friedson · 2023-10-24T07:13:01+00:00

As a man, I'm curious to know why I should pay for the first date that I wouldn't get by splitting the bill?

You shouldn't pay if you don't want to.

Like guys, understand that you can split the bill. I think it's vastly superior for both. Here litterallly everyone just splits, no one expects you to foot the whole bill

Does this mean I order your food? Does this mean I get your complete cooperation for the date? Do you plan to act worse if I don't pay your way? Does this mean you're going to accept the date with no complications or flaking if I pay? Do i get more of these things and more feminie energy the more I pay? If so what makes this any different from high class prostitution?

"I paid for pasta,so you have to do what i say" ain't a flex chief,and it's a deeply problematic attitude.

Litterallly just don't pay,its vastly superior.

ComfortableJeans · 2023-10-24T08:48:33+00:00

This hasn't been my experience.

I've never dated a woman who wanted to be paid for, I've only dated women who insisted on paying, to the extent where I've had to insist on splitting.

These women I were in a relationship with for multiple years at a time as a result.

Truthfully, meeting a woman who insisted on being paid for would give me a major, what I think women call "ick" vibes.

I just never see these women in the real world.

literaryhogwartian · 2023-10-24T11:14:30+00:00

Do people still do this? When I was single it was expected to go Dutch.

wtknight · 2023-10-24T13:49:46+00:00

Men get a greater chance that she’s not going to consider him some cheapskate who won’t commit to his family. Financial contribution from the man also helps ensure in her mind that he is emotionally serious about her and doesn’t just want to use her for sex.

Workaholiconew · 2023-10-24T14:45:00+00:00

Chance of obtaining sex.

Thats the end of it.

Sabrepill · 2023-10-24T02:02:49+00:00

What do you get for opening the door for a stranger at Starbucks?

Nothing, but you do it because it’s good etiquette.

When a man and a woman go on a date it’s good etiquette for the man to pay. If you don’t want to feel like a chump after she ends the date with a hug and never texts you back then don’t invite her to a fancy dinner on the first date, do something simple until she’s made her interest clear.

MxMaster9907 · 2023-10-24T03:06:01+00:00

If you asked the girl out, you get what you wanted, a date, a chance to impress her and start to make your case as to why she should date you.

mackenzie013_02 · 2023-10-24T02:52:10+00:00

It means you get a second date where I pay.

lemonasia · 2023-10-24T02:56:35+00:00

In my experience, a chance for a second date where you can get to know her and show her that you are genuinely interested and not just a sex digger (as many of us men are kind of born sex diggers lol) …. like women only turn into users from bad experiences, but men are just kind of born users ie. wanting to use people bodies for carnal pleasure (if you’re heterosexual).

csn924 · 2023-10-24T04:20:19+00:00

What do you want in exchange for paying? Do you want to order her food? Do you want complete cooperation? Would it bother you if your date is only acting accepting the date and acting feminine and pleasant because you paid for it?

Jayfar14 · 2023-10-24T05:47:32+00:00

Don't take women who don't find you sexually attractive on dates.

ArmariumEspada · 2023-10-24T02:02:56+00:00

They get to learn how society has trained women to act like a “prize” that men need to “win.”

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-10-24T01:49:30+00:00

You get some increased access to the group of women who don't think an hour or so of access to a strange man they don't even know and has nothing much to recommend him to them other than his desire to based upon their looks alone put a dick up them isn't worth the price of a restaurant meal when they've got perfectly good meal prep or pack of noodles at home for a fraction of the price or could call up friends and go out to eat with them for a guaranteed good time for their money.

Those women are going to vary in why they feel that way...from being an antisocial shut in to being a focused person who has a lot going on and a wide social circle.

It's fine, you don't need to ask women out on that basis of you don't want to. It's the usual expectation in some countries and social classes so if you are in one of the situations where it is an expectation please make it obvious in the invitation to a date that you are wanting to deviate from expectations in order to avoid the social discomfort of differing expectations.

gntlbastard · 2023-10-24T01:53:17+00:00

You don't start out with a meal, you start out with coffee. This way neither of you is inebriated and it's low cost
If she scoffs at it, you know you have a dinner whore on your hand - block her ass

A woman is who is interested in you isn't going to care much if you are getting dinner or coffee. Women who aren't, demand that you spend money on them - at which point you might as well just hire a hooker since with the hooker you at least get the happy ending.

Pathosgrim · 2023-10-24T02:03:03+00:00

A redpill

Specialist-Action-33 · 2023-10-24T06:39:26+00:00

People like to use the He has to pay since he asked her out as their justification of not splitting the bill. If thats the case, when have you seen a woman ask a man out on a first date? Maybe 1% of the time, if that?

All that said, thats why if I go on a date, my intention is to spend a max of $10 if there is any indication that I may have to pay, like coffee or drinks. That way I won't completely lose out if a woman is only using me as something for free. I always feel if she feels entitled for me to pay for an expensive restaurant, then I know what her main intentions are.

Former_Tooth_9239 · 2023-10-24T07:39:12+00:00

Why do you feel as if you're owed something just for paying for a meal? Did you not do it out of the kindness of your heart? If you feel this way you should let your dates pay for their own food.

Toxic_LigmaMale · 2023-10-24T16:50:13+00:00

It’s your barrier for entry with 99% of women.

Southern_Fall983 · 2023-10-24T02:03:49+00:00

The privilege of having the opportunity to pay for a second date

LeNoirPetit · 2023-10-24T01:36:14+00:00

I propose this solution to all the men complaining about dates being too expensive + splitting the bill.

Stop going on dates. Save your money. Financially you’ll be slightly better off but you’ll also be single. I mean why would you spend ANY money at all if you’re not guaranteed anal sex at the end of the night, it’s all a waste of time.

Women are too expensive so stop pursuing them. No dates, no romantic connections with women. EASY 👹

Ok_Smile_60 · 2023-10-24T01:34:16+00:00

Well, my ex wife offered to split on our first date. She said months later if I had took her up in that, there would not have been a 2nd date.

So, you might get another date out of it? If you like the women’s that’s pretty awesome. (We had sex that night too, so definitely worked out compared holding to some dumb principles)

ConceptMajestic9156 · 2023-10-24T02:40:59+00:00

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out. So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well," the woman says, "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favourite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999 my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old, it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden. "

The man can't believe it. "I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!" Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough," says the woman, "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain, how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favourite author"

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here. I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature, this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it, this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok," the woman says, "well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favourite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favourite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date."

slazengerx · 2023-10-24T04:35:21+00:00

I've always paid for dates. Why? Good date or bad, I'm too lazy to even discuss it. The cost is meaningless, so who cares. Life's too short.

AdhesivenessLevel379 · 2023-10-24T07:54:18+00:00

Are the good men becoming passport bros in the room with us?

ask_johnny_mac · 2023-10-24T02:06:06+00:00

I enjoy taking care of women. The cost of a dinner is nothing to me and I don’t expect anything in return but time enjoyed with a beautiful woman.

AngeCruelle · 2023-10-24T01:35:33+00:00

You get a stranger staring at you while you try to enjoy your food and fantasize about being at the table alone with a good book or people you actually like.

Seriously I have no idea why people still do sit-down meals for first dates.

lowlifedougal · 2023-10-24T02:15:21+00:00

you basically gotta play the game , remember the feminist and disagreeable women will continue want it “both ways” which will frustrate you. So to get anything out of it , make sure u filter these women out these women and then you will get a ROI with an actual traditional woman

Love-Is-Selfish · 2023-10-24T02:16:11+00:00

Express your virtue of productiveness and masculinity. As a man, you have greater control over acting in romance (greater control of achieving your pleasure in sex and physically more capable in general), so you can more easily afford to take the lead/ the initiative/express your interest in her first. In this case, you’re saying you value taking her on a date enough to take the risk of paying for it, that you’re competent enough to afford to take on the loss. She has more to lose than you, due to her lesser control in romance (lesser control of achieving her pleasure in sex and being physically weaker leading to higher risk of assault/rape). So paying for her takes some of the risk off of her for the date. All she loses is her time if the date doesn’t go well. With the fact that women can now work, it means that men shouldn’t always take on all the costs of dating.

Also, if you’re looking for a woman to be a stay at home mom, at least while your children are young, then you’re going to need to be able to provide for them to some extent, so paying for the dates shows that you can and will provide. A date is much cheaper than providing for a wife and kids.

Does this mean I order your food?

Do you want a woman who accepts that?

Does this mean I get your complete cooperation for the date?

Do you plan to act worse if I don't pay your way?

Let’s suppose it’s masculine for you to pay for the first date and you don’t, shouldn’t you expect her to not view you as well? If a woman shows up to a date looking like a slob, are you going to act worse? It costs a woman to dress up. Does that make you a prostitute?

Does this mean you're going to accept the date with no complications or flaking if I pay?

Women are not a monolith. You’re taking on a risk that you’re going accidentally pick a bad apple. If you can’t afford to take on that risk, then don’t. Either split the bill or pick a cheaper first date or structure your date so you can pull out before you pay so much (like start with drinks at the bar before you get dinner or something).

Based on men's complaints they don't get much from dating and are checking out. Based on women's complaints all the 'good men' are checking out or becoming passport bros.

Are you talking about what you read on Reddit? Reddit has a bunch of bored, depressed, low self-esteem individuals taking advantage of their anonymity to complain, who knows how truthfully, on it. You can’t just take what you read on Reddit as representative of men and women in general never mind the sort of women you’re interested in.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-10-24T10:49:21+00:00

What do you get for buying a gift for anyone, say buying a meal for a friend? You shouldn't be looking for compensation, it's a gift and you're free not to. Many men just don't buy food for others on dates. Otherwise you only get a feeling of satisfaction guaranteed.

tonyghow · 2023-10-24T02:12:48+00:00

You get the chance to reduce your probability of being ghosted by 2%.

FunEducation1434 · 2023-10-24T03:25:16+00:00

If you’re just average looking, a negative in your bank account

Pola_Lita · 2023-10-24T03:41:11+00:00

What do men get for paying for the first date?

Her company. This is the procedure anytime one person hosts another.

Based on men's complaints they don't get much from dating and are checking out. Based on women's complaints all the 'good men' are checking out or becoming passport bros. But at the same time in the west, men are often the ones paying for dates so does that mean whatever it is they're paying for isn't worth it anymore?

Many women are complaining that good men are scarce and are refusing to settle for less. There are men who are checking out for many reasons including because they don't think western women are worthy. Best of luck to both sides, but I doubt that these men are the ones women are looking for.

Win-win.

roger61962 · 2023-10-24T07:50:35+00:00

I never ever have paid for first date. My later ltr's/spouses have paid in ever case.

So - i cannot answer.

What do you get?

Entitlement?

Dry-Cricket3524 · 2023-10-24T08:56:31+00:00

The person who asks pays. This include friends.

TheGreatBeefSupreme · 2023-10-24T10:39:58+00:00

If an average man isn’t paying for most or all of the expenses, then he’s not bringing anything to the relationship. Women would have no reason to date him at all.

The majority of men are not sexually attractive enough to use that to get into relationships. The way average men get into relationships is through their wallet.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-10-24T12:58:39+00:00

You get to go on a date. For most men that’s enough. For the dudes here that just want to get laid (and also don’t seem to have much money) that’s not good enough. They want to win! It’s not good enough just to buy a ticket to the game, they want their team to win, their favorite player to do well, and maybe even get called out to hang out in the locker room afterwards. But just pay to watch the game in person?! Not good enough!

Where most people that get tickets are just happy to be there in person and enjoy the experience of seeing it live and not on the screen.

hidratedhomie · 2023-10-24T16:28:13+00:00

I good rule of thumb is if she at least offers to pay 50/50. If she don't, then that's a red flag right out of the gate. Paying for a date shouldn't be transactional, but courtesy and gratefulness (not taking it for granted) says a lot abouts someone's character.

victoriabowen8 · 2023-10-24T16:30:37+00:00

I pay for myself when I go out with friends. If a man invites me out and then I end up paying for myself (luckily never happened) that just tells me that he wants to be my friend which I don't need anymore of so I would end the evening politely and that would be the end of it. But I would never be attracted to a man who had the types of thoughts you are having when it comes to paying for a date (and luckily men like you do not hide it very well) . When you take into account the cost of being a woman AND the amount of emotional and domestic labor that women do in relationships, men who pay for everything are still coming out ahead. What I wouldn't give to ONLY have to pay for things and in return have someone who handles all the little things for me that make my day better without even really noticing (eg: lunch made and packed, coffee made, clean house, clean clothes, meals served, reminders about things, etc.) and just have someone who, in general, takes care of me the way women take care of men. If you don't find this to be your experience it's probably because your mentality forces you to date masculine 50/50 women.

And for context, I'm not talking about actual gold digger women (those women are super easy to spot so I have no sympathy for any man who gets involved with one), I'm talking about the average non-radicalized woman who just wants to be with a masculine man who can pay the damn dinner bill without thinking he's done something miraculous.

George69143 · 2023-10-24T17:23:45+00:00

I mean at least you get to go on a date. Showcase your personality. Most men don’t even get the chance to do this. Idgaf about buying someone dinner I’m not poor.

_Ad_Astra_Abyssosque · 2023-10-24T19:21:51+00:00

Nothing. You get nothing in return. But if you want a girlfriend or wife it's something you have to do.

Morrigan2020 · 2023-10-24T19:24:43+00:00

The only thing you “get” is to seem like a generous person.

I’m guessing you like desirable women? Pretty, kind, life’s not a mess, maybe generous themselves? Well guess what, you’re not alone. Other men like that woman too. Other men are also wanting to date her.

You don’t have to pay for her meal- esp nowadays there are plenty of women who don’t really care. I’m one of them- I always go in expecting to pay for myself, and I make plenty of my own money, so paying for a meal is a non-issue. I don’t judge a guy negatively for not paying. But I ALSO don’t judge him positively. It’s a neutral.

On the other hand, the guy who buys me dinner come across as generous, and it sends the message that he’s more into me than the guy who does not offer. It’s never going to count against you to do the generous thing, even if it’s not expected or a negative if you don’t.

So if you’re a guy who struggles to be, for lack of a better word, appealing… well you might want to stack that deck in your favor as best as you can, and that means presenting yourself as a kind and generous person who likes to do nice things for others like pay for their meal when they’ve invited them out on a date.

Roddy_Rowdy_Piper · 2023-10-24T02:02:02+00:00

Your mouth gets significantly closer to her pussy

These are the rules so play along and you'll get what you want eventually

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2023-10-24T02:09:09+00:00

You get to pass the shit test.

Demasii · 2023-10-24T02:14:32+00:00

When inviting a woman on a date and paying for it, you get to pick the entertainment or restaurant which help convey your preference and personality to her.

Logistically it makes sense for the person who plans the initial date to pay for it. The first date is when you are getting to know someone. You are unaware of their financial situation.

It can be rather cumbersome to go back and forth trying to pick something to do on a date that both strangers agree and pay for themselves. This can lead to less optimal choices because either one or both people will try to choose something that they are taking a guess at what the other person wants or afford.

MissJeje · 2023-10-24T06:05:05+00:00

Well it depends what your intention is for dating. If you are dating just for fun it doesn’t matter as much I guess. But if you are dating with the intention of finding your future wife and the mother of your children then yes you absolutely should pay for the first date and then some.

Pyroblasts · 2023-10-24T06:26:04+00:00

Company lol

John_Oakman · 2023-10-24T07:50:05+00:00

Fulfilling social expectations, but that's considered to be LVM behavior these days.

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-10-24T11:00:06+00:00

“In a survey on love and finances conducted by Money and SurveyMonkey, 85% of men said they think men should pay on the first date. Only 72% of women said so.”

Another survey said: nearly two-thirds of men (63%) think that the man should take care of the check on a first date. Women don’t agree. Less than half of the women in the study (46%) think that paying for the date is the guy’s responsibility.

Y’all think you should pay until it’s time to actually pay. Make up your minds.

96tillinfinity___ · 2023-10-24T12:26:41+00:00

Men should always pay 1st, period

If she offers then its fine

melindabrown2023 · 2023-10-24T05:47:23+00:00

I'm fortunate to have a good job in a well paid industry, so I can definitely afford to pay for my own dates. I also work with a lot of high-earning men (the type most women aspire to date/marry).

These men have always said that a man whose truly interested in me will pay on the first date. Why? Because paying is a way for a man to impress you. As one colleague put it "do you think if I had the opportunity to go on a date with Scarlett Johansson, I'd ask her to split the bill? No, I'd be on time, look my best, take her to the nicest place I can personally afford, and insist on paying".

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2023-10-24T10:23:52+00:00

Surely it's who asks pays? That's the way it works for me and my partner now, and it's the way I always did it. If I ask a man out on a date, I pay and I expect....a date. That's it. If he doesn't like me we don't see each other again. If it goes well, we do. There's no further expectations because I'm not entitled to anything other than his time if he agrees, and he's always free to leave then too. I asked for a date not a hostage situation.

Hoopy223 · 2023-10-24T13:53:23+00:00

A receipt?

Spare-Estimate5596 · 2023-10-24T16:55:07+00:00

Men might get sex. They might get a door slammed in their face. The only way to promise sex is to pay for it. Which men should start doing more because the rat race is pretty annoying

itdoesnotmatterlolol · 2023-10-24T21:04:51+00:00

They don't have to deal with the conversation about not paying.

NothingOrAllLife · 2023-10-24T23:44:22+00:00

I’ve been told that it shows he likes you and is serious about getting to know you. That’s how I use it.

If a dates bad and I never plan on seeing that man again, I’ll gladly offer to pay for mine. If it’s good and the guy asks to split I’ll do it, but I’ll assume he wasn’t interested.

Men that like you don’t mind paying. But even with that, for me the first meeting is always a cheap happy hour- it can be a super quick date and can turn into a dinner if it goes well, or at least the plan for a dinner.

MistyMaisel · 2023-10-24T02:38:46+00:00

You get the inverse of what I'm getting. A chance to evaluate my person and character when someone else is being generous towards me, providing for me, and treating me. What you make of this data and use it for is up to you, but I do recommend you consider using it to see if we may be some sort of relationship match. You can, of course, refuse to pay and see what data that gets you as well.

And, as for your question about what the difference between this an high class prostitution is...well, my good man, you won't be getting sex is quite a big difference. You also won't be getting some sort of sycophantic yes woman which is quite a big difference. No, indeed, scouts honor, every conversation and response from me will be sincere and not designed to placate your ego and make you feel like more of a man.

The fact you think paying would net you the things you mentioned and amounts to prostitution is exactly the sort of data I'm personally seeking on a man. I like my man to be generous without expectation of sexual favor, insincerity, or "man pleasing behavior". By letting you pay, I'd quickly learn some entry level facts of your character and be able to dismiss you out of hand. And you'd be able to do the same with me upon learning that $15 doesn't open my legs or my sweetness.

Also, I'm not complaining. I found a man who is happy to treat me right. And I'm glad of it. I hope everyone else finds their person to participate in the mating dance the way which best honors and suits them.

CBreann913 · 2023-10-24T20:39:10+00:00

Imma (27F) be honest if a dude said this to my face, I'd straight up leave him, and move on.

The whole point of a date is to be blessed with eachothers' presence and treating her well because she is worth something to you, and vice versa! Especially if you invited her out

If you take a woman out a date, just to receive something in return, like sex, then that's just transactional "love", and nothing worth investing in. This only makes it okay for women to seek transactions for you, like free meals, and money/gifts etc with little to no effort.

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obviousredflag · 2023-10-24T08:26:15+00:00

Based on women's complaints all the 'good men' are checking out or becoming passport bros.

The good men are not having dating issues. A lot of men think they are good men while not being good men.

Paying for women on the first date is optional. It might lead to some women not being interested in you, just as talking about feminism and gender stuff might make some men not be interested in the woman. One dimension of that is "values", and some women do have traditional values that you signal by paying for them. SOme men might also be turned off if the woman "emasculates" him by paying for him. Different values.

Other than that, paying for someone shows you value them. It's a tried and true signal and worth more than a compliment, as it's more costly than a compliment. It's certainly not the only way to show someone that you value them, but it's the traditional way for male-female interactions.

You don't buy anything, but you show your interest. When a woman laughs at your bad jokes, does she act like an escort? Or does she want to show you she is interested in you, despite you being not funny? What does she get for faking how funny you are? Nothing, she just shows she values you.

So, don't pay if those are not your values and you don't want a partner who has those values. Show women you value them by other acts and words. In my experience, even people without traditional values enjoy treating each other to things, and prefer that over splitting every bill 50/50, even if it comes out to the same at the end. So let her pay the food, and you take the drinks at the bar afterwards and next time you change it around.

Lina-Inverse · 2023-10-24T12:55:51+00:00

First date is coffee or brunch. I don't mind paying a few bucks for a coffee for someone I do this for friends all the time, if they offer to pay, I say they can get the next one.

If the second date is a light lunch, or coffee/brunch again. If they offer to pay I'll let them.

I'll suggest we go somewhere nice for a 3rd date. Then on that 3rd date I'll pay even if they offer to.

If they don't offer to pay for neither the first or second date, I will insist on splitting the bill on the 3rd dinner date. If they think I'm a cheap asshole after that and refuse additional dates (this actually never happened as most women where i live don't mind splitting, but if it did), I will have considered myself to have dodged a bullet and I'm only out like 10-15 bucks.

Don't be doormat for women and just shower them with things if they've done nothing to reciprocate.

LowFlamingo6007 · 2023-10-27T02:58:26+00:00

Nothing. Don't pay for anything until you fuck em

Title	What do men get for paying for the first date?
Author	FutureBannedAccount2
Upvotes	19
Comments	318
Date	October 24, 2023 1:28 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17f0xyt/what_do_men_get_for_paying_for_the_first_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-do-men-get-for-paying-for-the-first-date.1236096 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236096

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