Why does it take longer for men to get over breakups then women (even if the men initiated)?

thetruthishere_ · 2021-02-02T03:23:01+00:00

Its been said that it takes about 30 days for it to hit a man so hence the regret later.

Women start to process right away.

relish5k · 2021-02-02T04:41:12+00:00

Women break up with men in their minds before the actual break-up. Women are rarely blindsided by a break-up, even if they don't initiate it.

Although this Dale guy sounds like a real piece of work.

Edit: ok Dale broke up with Clare on his IG when she thought they were still working on their relationship so the whole internet turned against him for being a dick. All of his sadness is now 100% performative to change the narrative of him being the villain of this breakup. He is not actually taking it harder.

FoggyDanto · 2021-02-02T11:33:36+00:00

The main reason actually is that it's harder for men to find a replacement.

There's also the thing of an 'empty inbox' and dryspell too during that long stage of looking for a new patner.

Having an 'empty inbox'; nobody to really talk to is a scary experience. You can count the number of times you've communicated to people in a month and those were your relatives and maybe friends asking for something. That loneliness is the one which destroys the modern men completely

Women on the other hand always got a lot of men orbiting in their inboxes, some friendzoned. Their inbox can never be dry lacking a guy saying, 'hey' or just checking on her

Gilmoregirlin · 2021-02-02T13:55:28+00:00

Because women grieve the loss of the relationship immediately in most cases and they have a support system that allows them to do that. They cry, they call friends and cry, family, their friends come over. They are conditioned and wired to feel their emotions and cope with them. They may be a basket case for a week or so, but eventually the move past the grief. Men don't share these types of friendships, they don't have these deep types of support. Most don't feel comfortable crying or being said around others. Many don't even cry alone. Men also see women as most often their sole source of emotional comfort and support, so when that is gone they are devastated whereas women have many other sources of this type of support. Men are conditioned to push grief and feelings down and so they do that. Sometimes they cover it up with other women or drugs, or alcohol or work. And they never move past it. some are still hurting years later. There's a saying that you have to walk through grief or it will follow you around forever and that's what I think of when I hear of men hurting more.

SherbertBacon · 2021-02-02T04:09:28+00:00

I have no idea because that's never been the case for me. When I break up with someone, it's over and I don't look back. Getting dumped on the other hand.... that's rough. It's possible that guys who regret breaking up thought the grass would be greener without her and realize after they were wrong, maybe it comes down to a lack of their own introspection.

DonQOnIce · 2021-02-02T14:41:56+00:00

In the case of the man breaking up with the woman, I think that men like that have a mindset of “well, I got her, I can do better”. When they spend time looking for that better woman and come up dry, they go back to the last best thing. This mindset isn’t exclusive to men though and is why no one should EVER go back to someone who dumped them if they value their self-respect.

Some men are possessive even of women they don’t value that much. What they value is feeling wanted and if they see the woman move on it’s a massive blow to their ego.

no_value_male · 2021-02-02T05:54:23+00:00

Most males know they have to engage in the pains of dating again. They have a long walk through the desert ahead of them. On the other side, women already compare several options to engage with next.

kissmetilyouredrunk · 2021-02-02T03:21:56+00:00

Because women have stronger friendships they rely on for support. When guys go through a break-up, they're often losing the person they were the most emotionally open with

wtknight · 2021-02-02T13:08:01+00:00

It’s mostly because some men are lazy and don’t want to put in the work of having to find another partner. Most women don’t have to put in as much work since guys are thirsty and often many of them are chasing after one single or soon to be single woman. That doesn’t mean that these men are going to be high quality, but it usually just means having patience on a woman’s part to sort through the men pursuing her rather than doing any real work.

On the other hand, men rarely have available backup women. The few men who do are usually players rather than long-term relationship type men.

tritoneharmonies · 2021-02-02T16:29:22+00:00

Men disassociate from their pain initially (it is a necessary skill for males), in an attempt to stay operational and sublimate any energy generated by the event to a more or less productive use, in many case it's 50/50 between working hard and partying hard. Then, after a while eventually, the disassociated parts of it hit HARD and contaminate everything, and it causes pain that the man has to finally face head on (or choose to disassociate again, this time it's harder though and can 'bleed' out as erratic behavior or outbursts). It can be surprising experience to a guy who's mostly used to compartmentalizing emotional processes like this.

Women on the other hand usually don't disassociate the pain, the pain affects everything immediately and processing it becomes an imminent task. Sounds awful but it just means that for us women, this pain is an unstoppable and immediate transformative experience, that is processed by working it into proportion with earlier experiences, memory and identity. There can be feelings of deep regret of one's own actions, resentment towards others or self, or newfound empathy or compassion that wasn't there before. The pain fades and it becomes a memory or a scar. Some scars heal very well, some stay painful and the tissue doesn't work well anymore, let's say.

Barneysparky · 2021-02-02T09:20:22+00:00

Years ago my NPD brother broke up with his long-term girlfriend/mother of his two children. For a couple of years, they remained friends occasionally with benefits.

During this time he didn't have a bad thing to say about her.

Then she started dating someone. For the next 20 years I never had a conversation with my brother that didn't include him talking badly about her.

In my brother's case even though he didn't want to be with her, her being with anyone else was a betrayal. He felt he was still entitled to possession of her body.

Karmanger · 2021-02-02T13:48:06+00:00

It takes longer for men who are not super smooth or experienced with women to get over break-ups.

jazzlikeAstronaut7 · 2021-02-02T15:00:28+00:00

Because women are more in touch with their emotions so they process it immediately. They also feel through the process rather than suppressing the emotions and denying that they’re upset. So they seek out support much quicker and try to “solve” their negative emotions. Men just leave the whole thing and suppress it until finally they have no other option but to face it. I also think that during the relationship women take it much more seriously (given the fact that committing to someone is riskier biologically for a woman than for a man) so they’re prepared for how badly it’s going to hurt. With men, they don’t realize what they’ve lost (unless of course the girl fucked up real bad) so the feelings hit them so much harder. Additionally I think men get into relationships a lot of the time for consistent pussy, and they get really upset when they lose it.

Mimoxs · 2021-02-02T06:03:19+00:00

Men suffer more long term effects and are deprived of more than only a woman can provide them with.

Men obtain sex - they (straight men of course) can't get this except form women.

Women get attention, affection, and validation. They can obtain these from other sources.

The things women get from relationships, can be obtained in other ways. The things men can get from a relationship generally can only be obtained that way.

wizard_down_there · 2021-02-02T07:42:46+00:00

Men are more replaceable. Its true, not just a FDS argument.

Male thirst means every chick he's sticking his penis into is a queen. No wonder women find their own narcissism sexy.

2021-02-02T03:26:47+00:00

Options. /End thread

IcarusKiki · 2021-02-02T18:46:15+00:00

It’s an ego thing. As soon as it seems like the woman doesn’t care anymore it’s a blow to their ego

NotGoingoutofMW · 2021-02-02T19:15:30+00:00

Women have backup guys lining up they can aquire either shortly after the break up or after some time. A guy most likely put intense effort getting into a relationship with said women plus the effort for the women where he got rejected before reaching a ltr.

Most likely he needs to put effort for aprox. 1 year again to enter the next relationship. If a man broke things off he suffers from nostalgic pink lenses.

aries_raja · 2021-02-02T03:05:26+00:00

Men are actually the true romantics (until they get redpilled)

PrincessFKNPeach · 2021-02-02T05:39:05+00:00

Emotional constipation.

You have to emotionally constipated to not see a relationship disintegrating before it finally dissolves and you have to be emotionally constipated to not deal with the reality of the end of the relationship head-on.

gopher_glitz · 2021-02-02T16:12:57+00:00

This is like asking, "Why is losing your job is harder than hiring someone new."

YveisGrey · 2021-02-02T18:30:30+00:00

I heard that men’s brain chemistry is different so that they are more likely to be obsessive about things. I can’t remember what chemical it is serotonin maybe? Anyways this is why men are more likely to become stalkers and things like that they are just obsessive in their minds and very possessive.

Hando_the_Heel · 2021-02-03T00:10:46+00:00

Because we as men are taught to let women generally carry the relationship. We get comfortable with the get to know you phase to the point where we feel resentment when our partner starts to ask for growth from us. I know i used to have a serious problem with my partner voicing they're concerns with my more toxic traits. Self-centeredness, lack of professional drive, being a stay at home son. I viewed it as personal attacks rather than just them wanting me to be the best person for them and for myself.

lestratege · 2021-02-02T02:52:04+00:00

It's harder for a man to get a woman than vice versa, hence the investment difference hence the grief difference.

It's like having your scooter stolen vs. having your car stolen. You're going to be more upset and longer in the second case.

That's why TRP advocates leasing or renting cars.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-02-02T14:07:19+00:00

Because men are the more romantic sex, and women are the more coldly, calculating, pragmatic sex, when it comes to coupling, sex, relationships, etc.

because it's tougher for men to get women than it is for women to get men. Women can more easily replace a man than a man can replace a woman.

SocietalEngineering · 2021-02-02T14:26:02+00:00

“War brides” is the answer to this question.

Women had to adapt to the fact that when their tribe got raided and their husbands were killed and the enemy men stole them, they needed to be able to love them quick or they wouldn’t make it.

Hoopy223 · 2021-02-02T02:45:58+00:00

I think when Men “commit” its deeper and more profound for them.

Paranoidexboyfriend · 2021-02-02T14:34:40+00:00

It doesn't, what really happens is that it takes the more desirable partner less time to move on than the less desirable one, and part of their ability to move on is based on whether they choose to engage in the sexual market, or the relationship market.

Women generally have a higher sexual market value than men, while men's strength lies in the relationship market just due to supply and demand. So if after a breakup, both parties decide they just want to be single and play around a bit, the party with the highest SMV is going to be able to move on the quickest.

If both are serial monogamist and don't put out until after they're in a relationship, the one with the higher RMV is going to move on the fastest. Its possible one person may enter the sex market while the other remains only in the relationship market, in which case you're comparing different values.

There's a higher demand for women as sexual partners, and a general trend that after a break up for both parties enter the sexual market for a bit, so in general women will have a higher SMV and be able to move on quicker.

superlurkage · 2021-02-02T15:04:13+00:00

Whoever was less happy/satisfied in the relationship moves on faster. This isn’t a gender specific phenomenon. The man comes back because he realizes he was happier than he thought and is having trouble finding a replacement

gcharleswilks · 2021-02-02T18:36:11+00:00

This is partly due to how men and women love, and experience relationships differently. Men love ideologically, thinking that love is unconditional. Women love opportunistically, based on conditions that need to be satisfied and met continuously. So when the breakup occurs, for most women it’s due to conditions not being actively met. For me, the heartbeat comes from the dissolving of the romanticized love. Often a cold slap in the face.

Estenar · 2021-02-03T18:01:33+00:00

Because men in a lot of the times do not realize, that the women already broke with them mentally. There are things that in general women see or feel better than man and only after the break up, he will realize, that he fucked up. But he can not do anything with it after break up, because there is nothing to fix. Hence, the "get over" is longer and more difficult. Also, the whole dating scene is better for women, that is why.

Eastuss · 2021-02-02T13:49:20+00:00

Men constructed something and it got destroyed, they need more time to get their motivation back to construct something else.

Women were passive and need to find a new man to be passive with.

Barneysparky · 2021-02-02T05:01:35+00:00

[removed]

StandardGreekGod · 2021-02-02T13:54:48+00:00

This is exactly what’s happening to me rn 🙃

Ice0Fuchsia · 2021-02-02T14:43:05+00:00

I think it comes down to how each gender deals with their emotions and the societal norm in response. Women generally have a supportive group of friends to be there for them emotionally as well as be more open about their emotions. Men tend to bottle up their emotions and not express their sorrow in order to seem manlier. Men aren’t often emotionally expressive to their male friends, especially if their male friends believe in old school masculinity tradition (e.g. man up). Then male friends believe the way to help is to take their buddy to the bar to get laid and get over her.

phoebetortilla · 2021-02-02T16:02:07+00:00

I've heard this theory that says that women deal with their emotions as soon as the breakup happens, and then get better in the long term; while men are "fine" on the short term and develop the pain of the break up later on. This could explain why it takes longer for men to get over the breakup: they don't take longer, they just delay the mourning.

Of course this is only something I heard I don't even know if this is true

AngelWeyesDelRey · 2021-02-02T16:25:56+00:00

Women are more in touch with our emotions... plus men can’t just go out and get laid. At first the man will be happy thinking he can now just go out and have fun with whoever he wants... then reality hits :D

revrev4405 · 2021-02-02T16:58:55+00:00

I’m goin through this rn. I completely blindsided her tho with it and I’m realizing now I didn’t bring up the conversation correctly and am regretting it. Oh well. I tried to reach out and explain myself but she wasn’t really trying it seemed.

PickleLine · 2021-02-02T17:48:37+00:00

Female privilege. Women get more sympathy and attention just for being women. They can find a rebound or replacement very easily.

Also, many women have had their pair bonding abilities broken, so they were never mentally in the relationship in the first place.

shallowblue · 2021-02-02T17:54:12+00:00

I think there must be an evolutionary reason too. It makes zero biological sense for a man to permanently let go of a woman he has found sexually satisfying. Always a chance of future offspring, so no point closing that avenue off. For a woman, with a 9 month+ investment at play, it makes perfect sense to abandon an unreliable partner and shift emotions elsewhere.

ihavezeropersonality · 2021-02-02T23:24:46+00:00

This is literally based on the individual not on their gender. Just like most things on this sub.

Suck-Less · 2021-02-03T10:38:42+00:00

Because most men look for a partner/wife, most women look for an accessory.

stranglethebars · 2021-02-04T21:15:10+00:00

What else than the anecdote of the reality TV couple is your impression based on? By the way, I'm not necessarily dismissive of anecdotes, but it's not obvious to me why your premise would be valid.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-02-02T06:38:04+00:00

Depends on the breakup, probably.

Regardless of who breaks up with who, women usually have other people lined up to both support her after the breakup, and replace the ex. It's very common for women to jump from one relationship to the next so that they don't have to experience any downtime being single.

Also, we could say that men have more genuine care for their partner in a relationship, so if we really "love" someone, that love might never go away, whereas women's love seems to be like constantly filling a cup with a small crack/hole at the bottom, and not letting it dip below a certain level.

Thus, if people breakup and the guy genuinely had feelings for her, they're always going to weigh on him, while those feelings eventually disappear with women. However, if the guy broke up with her, it's probably reasonable to say that he won't have reason to look back, but I think that women initiating the breakup is more common, which in this case is why men take longer to get over it.

sunfloweringg · 2021-02-02T15:25:27+00:00

Women are used to putting on a face or a facade. We aren’t really over over them. Women are just better at pretending than men because we’ve been taught and told to shut up and look pretty all our lives. Women are obsessed with presenting themselves as perfect. And being depressed and emotional and causing a scene and looking drab is very far from perfect. Women have to put up facades because we are criticized the harshest.

KoketkaKonfetka · 2021-02-02T03:43:40+00:00

[removed]

SnowHatesWome · 2021-02-02T07:38:58+00:00

Cause men fall in love with the actual woman, and once she’s gone there’s no replacing her. It’s like a pseudo death. Truly disheartening.

Women aren’t really capable of love the same way men are. They love what you do for them and hope you make them feel. So as soon as someone can make them feel that or do the things you used to it’s curtains.

SaBahRub · 2021-02-02T03:09:29+00:00

Relationships scripted for entertainment? Really? We’re supposed to extract useful information from that?

Sid_Insidious · 2021-02-02T04:38:55+00:00

Women break deep connections as fast as they can make them.

If the juice of the host begins to sour, or slow, she can detach and move on with relative ease.

In a heartbeat.

And she'll give you 100 reasons other than her very nature for the pattern...

pre-DrChad · 2021-02-02T04:33:57+00:00

They lose out on consistent sex

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-02-02T12:49:59+00:00

I think it's kinda funny that BPs are blaming the men for even this.

LooseIndication · 2021-02-02T09:01:32+00:00

Women have far less time than men, because they lose fertility, and hit the wall, (even worse, society forces women to waste their best years).

So, women have a biological need to move faster. They have no time to lose. Every year, they lose value.

On the other side, men who can't forget a woman, are the men indoctrinated by the blue pill in thinking that there is only one soulmate they can love, and that their happiness is given by the woman's mythical love. They become powerless leeches. The type women find more repulsive.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-02-02T03:02:44+00:00

As she started to move on, Dale posted how much he has been suffering and even started crying on Instagram. Unsure if he made the right decisions

That's probably a PR stunt though.

When men break up and act like they don't care, they look like arseholes that used the woman for sex.

jacemano · 2021-02-02T14:45:57+00:00

When a woman undergoes a breakup. The second she wants to feel better she can go out and get laid. It's not the same for a guy.

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upalse · 2021-02-02T15:11:11+00:00

Duh, because men are emotionally immature, possessive, abusive and unreasonable. ^/in ^Minecraft.

Autism aside, it's simple supply/demand. The same way poor people obsess over every penny.

Meatheadliftbrah · 2021-02-02T16:27:05+00:00

I can’t think of any other insights that haven’t already been said but I do find it annoying that 7 years after my one and only gf I’m still not over her (have slept with other people but now on a 4 year dry spell).

Jakes1967 · 2021-02-02T16:40:13+00:00

Why does it take longer for men to get over breakups then women (even if the men initiated)?

Proof that women are heartless harpies?

Skenry · 2021-02-02T16:45:26+00:00

You lost me at "The Bachelor".

Most guys I know will mourn hard, until they get their next opportunity to bang someone new. Girls get over it quicker because they can out out any night they choose to meet someone new.

BagBoth · 2021-02-02T16:49:31+00:00

Have you got a source that proves this? I’m sure I’ve read articles that prove the opposite?

Flat_Plane_V8 · 2021-02-02T17:24:34+00:00

Womb is the evolutionary chokepoint..Denial of access to a womb that the man previously thought is comfortably his to cherish, shatters him completely......It's like squandering a winning position in battle...You would be driven to depression...Just like Attila thought of committing suicide after losing the commanding position on the Ridge at the Battle of the Catalunian Plains in 451 AD

AntiSocialPartygoer · 2021-02-02T17:58:21+00:00

Becase women have a lot of options available in her dating pool as soon as possible.
Also, men to lose their "game" with women during a relationship, so when they come back to the dating pool their "game" is much smaller than the "game" he had before starting his last relationship.

johvannyce · 2021-02-03T01:41:41+00:00

I have felt this too and still feel it to day it doesn't get any better.

2021-02-04T05:19:47+00:00

because women can just find a new guy in like 2 seconds and its almost impossible for them to be socially isolated anyway

cloudsongs_ · 2021-02-05T04:46:01+00:00

That hasn't been the case for me but thats just my own personal experience. I also don't know what my exes have experienced either so maybe we suffered together or maybe I suffered longer or they did.

King8Kaista · 2021-02-05T04:54:01+00:00

Most women are a savages (not in a bad way) and most men are actually softer. I think it’s because women subconsciously know who they’re moving onto next and have an easier time getting in another relationship. Us men get attached since we probably worked hard to get her and don’t know when the next time we’ll get the opportunity to get another girl

Tommytomtomato23 · 2021-02-24T11:20:13+00:00

For biological reasons that are inextricably linked to psychology. A woman always knows that her baby is hers - she goes through pregnancy and birth. A man never truly knows that the child is his until recent years. This is underlying natural stuff in our genes etc. Fun fact did you know there are 2 types of semen or those tadpole things (I am not a scientist, i know). One is the one we know about that goes for the egg. The other one is for fighting off other guys semen or tadpole thingys :)) That's where jealousy comes in.

So, in this scenario he breaks up and thinks that she will stay loyal and attached to him and also that he can get better options or something. Then he realises he cannot. He is also thinking he is amazing because he did the breakup and has that extra cockiness.

But as soon as that fantasy is broken, he's like, oh shiiiit, what have I done?

1.I cannot find a better woman

2.These things take time

3.I am not as cool as I thought I was

She's gone off with another man which means she didn't really like me that much anyway

5.I am facing multiple rejection on the field as well

I am angry and jealous because she is fking another man and now potentially he will get his seed sprouted and not mine. And she is getting all those good emotions from another.

It is a lot harder for a man to get a woman than the other way round. The skillset involved is huge.

And so, his ex has moved on and he is left fcked.

Just my thoughts and experience from memory...

Happy days :))

doloboi · 2021-02-02T03:29:18+00:00

It’s takes a lot for a man to commit. So it really hurts him when he does and it doesn’t work out.

BonjourReturn2 · 2021-02-02T09:07:08+00:00

Lightswitch effect plus a larger social circle to share one's emotions, plus a different concept of love, plus the difference in option

EDIT: explain instead of downvoting, or skip it

xFallacyx69 · 2021-02-02T12:49:22+00:00

Dale dodged a bullet; Clare is a psychopath and luckily showed that on national TV.
It takes longer for guys to get over a breakup because women are not as attracted to single guys as single guys are attracted to them. Look at your inbox vs your (looksmatch) gal friends inbox. Look at the guys your gal friends curve vs the girls you curve...

asdf333aza · 2021-02-02T14:29:55+00:00

Cause women always have backups.

Women even go out of their way to make sure their s/o has no options throughout the relationship while limiting his female friends, while she continues to talk to her "guy friends" who she may or may not have had sex with already. Loyalty is not a female virtue.

BackwardsHorse · 2021-02-02T05:04:51+00:00

i don’t think that’s true i think everyone’s different with the speed of moving on especially depending on the relationship itself

87AudreyHorne · 2021-02-02T06:47:12+00:00

For example, Clare and Dale from the bachelor. He broke up with Clare and based of his social media didn’t seem like he cared too much. Clare was suffering. As she started to move on, Dale posted how much he has been suffering and even started crying on Instagram. Unsure if he made the right decisions

How can you consider anything from a reality show to be real lol

nomadunkown · 2021-02-02T13:25:14+00:00

Women tend to wait until they have another guy or a few orbiters in line before ending the relationship. Probably because they don’t want to give up whatever else they are currently getting like protection, money, attention.

You have to understand from a female perspective it’s always handy to have a man around in case they need him for his physical strength or to help solve a problem.

MakeMoneyNotWar · 2021-02-02T15:40:35+00:00

Because the woman can easily get a new man. Either open up Tinder and find a guy in an hour, or show up at any club/bar on a Friday night and have guys after her.

The man cannot easily get a new woman unless he is the top 5%.

If the man has a line of beautiful women wanting to date him, he will get over his ex as quickly as a woman.

itmethrowaway12 · 2021-02-02T16:20:16+00:00

idk if i agree with this tbh

daproest1 · 2021-02-02T03:56:58+00:00

I know the entire answer to this but it’s so long. I’m just glad other people are finally catching on. Women always think it’s easier for us. And they’re very very very very very mistaken. Happy to see people are learning

jonathaninfresno · 2021-02-02T07:27:59+00:00

They r hypergamous. They always monkey branch to who has more money (female nature)

luckecage · 2021-02-02T11:35:53+00:00

Men usually do not give the relationship a 100% like women give the relationship.

Title	Why does it take longer for men to get over breakups then women (even if the men initiated)?
Author	KickKathleeenKennedy
Upvotes	93
Comments	493
Date	February 2, 2021 2:42 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/lalgwi/why_does_it_take_longer_for_men_to_get_over/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-does-it-take-longer-for-men-to-get-over.745031 https://theredarchive.com/post/745031

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