Let's discuss! When did you first get assigned to sit next to a disruptive boy in class, supposedly to be a good influence on him?

onlyeightfingers · 2021-10-17T03:11:34+00:00

Wait, so this wasn’t just me?? I got sat beside the class bully in primary school (I’ll have been around seven) as a deliberate attempt to ‘calm him’. I’m physically disabled and was already an outcast in my school and relentlessly bullied. The fact that this led to me getting punched, endlessly teased and screamed at by him on top of the existing bullying was obviously secondary to the need to soothe and influence a psychotic young boy.

Any attempts to Google his name come up with nothing. I’d be amazed if he made it to adulthood without ending up with a life sentence. But y’know, happy to have been fodder for trying to bring out the best in him! Ugh…

Constant-Wanderer · 2021-10-17T03:22:19+00:00

Never. I was way too willing to punch them in the face, and the teachers knew it.

Platipus6 · 2021-10-17T03:07:30+00:00

Every relationship with a loser male I've attempted to be a good influence on them.

They didn't get the memo. They continued to be assholes.

CloacaDiddler · 2021-10-17T03:50:12+00:00

I’ve been the assigned therapy pony for as long as I’ve been in school. Man did I always hope to be in the groups of high-achieving, motivated peers, but every time, I was stuck with the screaming Minecraft addict, the sullen girl that punches everyone, and the kid squatting on top of his desk eating an eraser.

And then once you’re nice to the class disrupters for the sake of the group project, whenever you had to stand in a line and be grouped by alternating numbers, they’d rush and crowd around me and throw off the count so I WOULD have been with someone who knew how to speak English instead of pterodactyl screeches, and the teacher would smile fondly at me trying to ignore being squawked at and shoved and poked for a reaction and keep counting like they didn’t see me dying inside

qualitylamps · 2021-10-17T04:23:18+00:00

I was so irritated when my daughter came home from her 3rd day of 3rd grade telling me she had been moved from the seat she had next to her friend to being paced next to the disruptive boy. She was told to tap his desk when he’s flicking his pencil or not paying attention to the teacher. She is so soft spoken and shy, she just agreed with the move immediately and i know she probably got sooo anxious every time the kid needed redirection. I had to rewrite my message to the teacher 4 times, and my final draft still included “if she’s going to school to work and not learn, she should be getting paid for her services.”

I have ADHD so I was the disruptive one when I was younger. Teachers would just put me in the back of the classroom and ignore me for then most part 😅

solstice100 · 2021-10-17T03:10:24+00:00

3rd grade. I had gone to an all girl’s private school up until then. He called me “fat girl” and made me do all the work. I was as skinny as a pole lol

23eggz · 2021-10-17T02:56:56+00:00

The first time was much earlier than this but in 6th grade the boy i was seated next to rubbed my stationery (which was actually given to me by a family member who I really cherished) on his genitals. He also pulled the seat out from under me and made me fall in front of the whole class. In 6th grade I didnt realize i could have asked the teacher to change the seating charts :(

WinterSolaces · 2021-10-17T05:51:57+00:00

I clearly remember constantly being paired up in 5th grade with the class bully. I never really understood why at the time, no matter what, I'd always be his group/buddy whatever. It sucked like hell, he'd always throw things at me, break my stuff, ruin my art (I used to draw a lot in sketch books and make fimo sculptures that he would break/mash up). Whenever he'd do something wrong, some how I'd always get partly blamed for not 'keeping him calm', or 'keeping him focused'.

It got so bad that I pretended to be sick a lot to stay home. Ugh.

sofuckinggreat · 2021-10-17T04:11:11+00:00

I had to sit next to a disruptive dickhead at a temp job I had in 2014 for a tech company and he wouldn’t fucking stop talking to me because he thought I was Cool Sexy Weed Girl (I am, but not at work.)

Anyway, he distracted the shit out of me, and I’m the one who got fired.

I do make six figures now, though. I bet he doesn’t.

bioqueen53 · 2021-10-17T11:34:51+00:00

2nd grade, and it ended immediately because I laughed at all his jokes and "encouraged him."

He was genuinely funny. Our teacher was a bully.

FDSfollower1 · 2021-10-17T03:45:40+00:00

They call it "classroom management" but it basically means putting the quietest girls next to the worst boys. It's a horrible system.

realityruinedit · 2021-10-17T03:36:59+00:00

2nd grade - wow it’s not just me thank you for posting, OP.

I was sat between 2 of the miscreant boys every seat change. I was expected to idk manage them?

On the plus side it made me adept at leading without authority and gave me access to the non-nerd side of society!

thecrazywitch31 · 2021-10-17T11:05:01+00:00

A hell lot of times. I clearly remember I was in class 9, and was made to sit next to most notorious guy in the class. I was disgusted. Well, turns out, he was a pretty good guy, but he made lot of jokes and disrupting the class in general. We had talked a lot and then I started getting in trouble too 😑

bleda_princezna · 2021-10-17T06:39:45+00:00

First grade. I ended up with a broken plastic headband the first week, because he hit my head with a fist for no reason.

I was always the quiet smart girl, so I often ended up being the supposed good influence for the biggest class brat. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It doesn't work. The brat will just bully the good kid.

snootdidanoot · 2021-10-17T10:15:28+00:00

Wait omg I thought it was just me. I was always put at the back next to the "bad kids" to be a good influence. This made them angry at me so they bullied me at recess and lunch 🙃

MorthaP · 2021-10-17T13:27:14+00:00

I just remembered that in my first ever job (I was 21) the day I started, the boss welcomed me and he said that since the team is full of mostly men he needed a woman to keep them in check because women are more mature than men.

I mean true, but I didn't come here to be an unpaid fucking kindergarten worker on top of my actual job, sir.

zorra666 · 2021-10-17T03:33:53+00:00

1st grade. As an adult, I look back and realize that he was likely on the spectrum but, at the time, it was horrifying. He would take my crayons, he would grab me, he would be constantly vocalizing.

I'm a teacher now in elementary school. The decision of whom to put at a table with boys like this is a difficult one. And boys at that age do not usually have support from the school (I work in an international school) where I work as parents and admin are very hesitant to get a diagnosis and plan in place for the child. I still see teachers putting these disruptive boys with the shy, well-behaved girls that won't speak up for themselves. The truth is, there is no good solution. I usually put them with the most outgoing, confident boys but that has its own issues. I spend a lot of time pushing for an additional adult in the classroom to help the child (and protect my other students) only to be told no.

It is one of the reasons I left my last position. I want to help and protect my students.

The boy they sat me with in 1st grade never got any help. By junior high school, he was in juvenile detention. By 18, he was dead (suicide). His short life effects me still.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-10-17T13:27:51+00:00

hell yeah sis! glad someone's asking the tough, painful question!

my answer is: since preschool.

in preschool, they would put "naughty" (read aggressive) boys to sit and play with the calmest, most obedient girls. I have been hit in the stomach, called names, pushed, beaten up by one of such boys. I always told my parents. it seems the boy had a very bad life at home and he was "taking it out on the non-aggressive kids". this assigning continued until high school.

so at 12, already pre-highschool, the most problematic, violent and disturbing boy in class was assigned to sit next to me. I was studious, a pacifist and quiet. he was aggressive, the tallest in the class and very disruptive. he was also very rich and his parents would donate to the school. I was caught in a very bad situation. the teaching staff promoted this kind of situation for the benefits it will get them at the cost of countless of girls that were bright, quiet and peaceful.

I realized then and there that no matter how bright I was, I could never compare with his daddy's money, that no matter how much I complained, they will make sure to shut me up and make me look like the bad one. they all threw me under the bus. the teachers and the rest of the students that were not assigned aggressive deskmates. girs like me paid the price so they could have the comfort of study.

also, any teacher that does this is a shit teacher. there are ways f dealing with a disruptive boy in class and the teacher is the boss. but if the teacher is a shit teacher and they do not care enough to do their job right, they should be exposed and questioned because I don't see anywhere onthis list, an example that would point to sitting an aggressive kid next to a studious, quiet and well-behaved kid just so that (hopefully) one day, the good behavior will rub off on the naughty one. no chance there.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2021-10-17T02:47:38+00:00

First grade. We were assigned seats by alphabetical order and I had the misfortune to be between the class clowns for the next eight years. No one was ever moved or reassigned and surprise, I never did have any positive influence over them while they disrupted my education.

Astral_weaver · 2021-10-17T04:54:01+00:00

From 1st till 3rd grade I was always placed near unruly boys. I vaguely remember anything from that era, besides the fact that I started to constantly draw during the lesson as a mean to self-sooth. Mind you, I went to a private school and I was effortlessly an excellent student. Being sat near boys felt like an unjust punishment.

InjuryOnly4775 · 2021-10-17T04:38:51+00:00

Wow. Very interesting. I was given a little buddy’, I was in grade 5 or 6 and he was a few years younger. Looking back now I would say, he was a classic ADHD kid from a neglectful home. I was to help him read and mind him during assemblies etc. He was a hellion. Still is actually LOL in his 30s. I was also in split classes all though elementary. Was I given challenging work to prepare me for high school? No I was in grade 7 teaching 5s snd 6s to read and boy did I ever struggle in grade 8 when I didn’t know how to even structure an essay.

Smoochiesublime · 2021-10-17T13:19:09+00:00

Yeah I was no more than 7 when I not only had to share a changing cubicle with the "naughty boy" before and after we went swimming with school. I was also told that I had to be kind and share my towel because he didn't have one.

As a class, we would sit on the carpet floor for story time. If a girl got up for anything, at least one boy would look up her skirt.

For morning assembly, we had to sit alternating boy/girl. Apparently it was because the boys wouldn't mess around as much that way.

Shame on all the teachers, especially the women, who tried to train us into being the ones being responsible for the behaviour of boys snd to nurture them, instead of holding them to account for their actions.

extragouda · 2021-10-17T12:15:00+00:00

This never happened to me! Was it because... I was naughty?

Boys were afraid to sit next to me. "She's too weird".

TikiTikiTata-chalala · 2021-10-17T13:21:14+00:00

Kindergarten for me as well. There was a special needs kid who would come to our class 2 days a week and he was sat by me. It meant that until 2nd grade, for 2 days a week I'd have my hand held, trying to kiss my cheek constantly and yelling if he was in a mood- I hated it. He was also really strong and if I tried to pull my hand away he would clamp down on it and I got a few scratches from it. I complained to my mom, and she tried to figure out what was going on, but as soon as she found out he was disabled (mentally and physically) and she heard from his mom that he 'loved me so much, I was great!' my mom told me I needed to put up with it -that I need to be helpful.

I developed a dislike for other disabled kids until about 5th grade, but it still took me way longer than that to process all that and not immediately see him in every disabled person.

Lightbeing999 · 2021-10-17T15:31:10+00:00

Constant throughout my life.

I remember my 7th grade math teacher yelling to my chaotic class, calling me the “one benign cell” surrounded by “cancerous cells”, my classmates. No way that any strategic seating was gonna work in that crowd!

daisy_0720 · 2021-10-17T06:37:50+00:00

Never because my parents, God bless them, sent me to a school where kids were grouped by ability, so the only boys in my classes were the smart, competitive, hard-working ones.

Nonnasaysfuckoff · 2021-10-17T02:49:05+00:00

Grade school, first grade. Fuck that loser, got a couple slaps because he kept cheating off my answers.

Auzurabla · 2021-10-17T19:22:45+00:00

Oooo this burns me UP!!!! I went in, swinging, when I found out my daughter was being pulled from class to be a peer model for another kid. They were seated together, and he glommed onto her all day and she didn't make any other friends until I made it abundantly clear to everyone that they were not to ever be in class together again. It took 2 years. It was all "she helps him!!" What about helping her?? What about her making friends? What about her nurturing and development?

No. No. NO!!

*Edit: this was kindergarten

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-10-17T07:51:24+00:00

Always. I didn't know the reason behind it though. I always had to sit next to some boys. I thought it was a form of punishment as teachers didn't really like me. I was quiet and unimpressed child.

strawbebbie17 · 2021-10-17T06:27:07+00:00

Of what I can remember, 1st grade. They were also my cousin but were still a jerk (yay small town living). They weren’t mean just annoying thankfully

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2021-10-17T07:58:02+00:00

This is a disgusting and misogynistic practice and I am ashamed of these schools!

HOW is this legal?

xsweaterxweatherx · 2021-10-17T04:18:30+00:00

Never because I was a poorly behaved child too

Yogacat4 · 2021-10-17T14:20:47+00:00

A 1st grade Catholic school teacher would put a bi-folded cardboard divider around the borderline-sociopathic kids desk. Out of sight, out of mind.

CynicalSucculent · 2021-10-17T05:57:46+00:00

Can't even remember. It was every school year for me.

MmeNxt · 2021-10-17T08:36:32+00:00

First grade. There was a boy in class who couldn't sit still or concentrate. He was always moving around on his chair, kicking anything with his feet, fiddling with his stuff and making weird noices.
I was an ambitious student even at 7, but it's hard to focus when you have someone who is disrupting you several times per minute for the whole school day. I still get pissed off about it.

thanarealnobody · 2021-10-17T10:05:18+00:00

First time was 6. Was sat next to the boy who had anger problems and threw things at the teacher. I was the shyest and most quiet in the class and they said it would be “good for him”.

Then it happened again at age 9. Was seated in an area with all of the most disruptive boys in order to help them “calm down”.

Happened multiple times in secondary school/high school.

Never once was my own comfort and ease of learning considered. These experiences just made my shyness worse because the boys were so obnoxious and horrible. I struggled to make friends at that point of my life but I was only ever allowed to be sitting around disruptive boys that made fun of me.

honeybadgerattitude · 2021-10-17T08:57:04+00:00

I have boy/girl twins in school and I’ve had to tell the teacher to stop giving my daughter responsibility for teaching my son because she’s more focused and better at listening. Even when I’m the one benefitting by my son being given help, I’m not prepared to sacrifice my daughter like that. Especially when the other children realised and would go to her for help too. She ended up not being able to do her own work because she was so busy with everyone else’s. Hell no!!

fudirtbagjon · 2021-10-17T13:19:59+00:00

Wow, this was my childhood from grade 1. As a result I deep down despise and don't trust teachers, which is unfair...but this shit shapes your development and perspective of the world.

MorthaP · 2021-10-17T13:25:37+00:00

Not entirely the same but when I was maybe about 8 or 9 there was a boy in our class who everyone knew had some kinda issues. He once pushed his body against mine into a corner and just wouldn't let me go. Some time later he brought a knife into school.

The school made me do a group project with him so we would learn to 'get along'.

Peak_Tree · 2021-10-17T15:02:45+00:00

Elementary school. Of course I was assigned to him because I was doing GOOD on a subject and my Prize for it was to get partnered with the worst student out there.

itsjustathrowaway147 · 2021-10-17T15:14:16+00:00

It started in Kindergarten. However it ended in 3rd grade when I gave one a black eye for a yo mama joke. Hahahaha.

Sea_Hag · 2021-10-17T15:47:50+00:00

Holy crap this is a thing??? Back in the 70s I was sat with Bobby in 4th grade who misbehaved to keep an eye on him. In the back of the class where the teacher segregated him. And me with hyperactive disorder as it was called in the 70s when I should have been up front! Ffs

AJLake80 · 2021-10-17T16:17:18+00:00

Third grade. He used to bite and lick my arm all the time and the teacher did nothing. I was in advanced reading and supposed to “help” him improve in reading.

DifferentBar6 · 2021-10-17T07:35:05+00:00

Thankfully my primary school teachers didn’t do this to me. Then I went to an all girls school so escaped this.

BasketLow8411 · 2021-10-17T05:48:38+00:00

2nd grade. He ended up following me around the playground and “proposed” to me with a ring made of string. He was annoying and inappropriate.

Fiebre · 2021-10-17T14:06:31+00:00

I wasn't specifically instructed to be a good influence but that was the idea. As a result I just had all kinds of disruptive fun with them but it didn't affect neither my nor their grades.

pinkcorolla · 2021-10-17T14:40:02+00:00

When I was 8 it was so exhausting. Sometimes I still have nightmares about it. 💀

potaytotomahto · 2021-10-17T15:45:58+00:00

First grade. He ended up stabbing me on the arm with a pencil— twice.

So that was fun.

Sewud · 2021-10-17T18:58:44+00:00

1st grade! In kindergarten we didn't have assigned seats, but then the whole of primary school we had these desks put together in desk islands and they'd always pair me with a problematic boy because I was so calm and a good student. They literally expose us to bad influences so that the problematic boys can be exposed to good influences. This principle was engrained in me and my whole school life I volunteered to help struggling boys. The irony of seeing men today complain that women didn't do enough for them.

jkklfdasfhj · 2021-10-17T12:58:30+00:00

In junior high I was made to sit with the lowest performing student as I was the highest performing student.

It didn't help that he was very loud about his "crush" on me.

I was simultaneous embarrassed and demotivated.

Hate that there's so many of us across the world that can relate to this.

Alexlaflamexii · 2021-10-17T13:28:47+00:00

This must be a public school thing because hell no…

fallen-summer · 2021-10-17T16:42:08+00:00

Ong this just triggered a memory when I was in kindergarten and 1st grade there was this mean boy who always would bully and touch me and the teacher constantly sat him beside me it happened so much I asked to not be sat beside him but because I was so well behaved and good and he was such a menace they thought I might rub off on him when I went to open house in 2nd grade they had me sitting beside him again and my mom asked the teacher to move my seat thankfully he never showed up to school that year cause otherwise that would have been my 3rd year with him im willing to bet this kid ended up in prison later he was such a menace to society

CrazyPaine · 2021-10-18T18:20:49+00:00

Story time: As a very quiet and very smart black girl I was changing physically very quickly. I wore some shorts one day. I was sitting in class and I felt something wrong. I looked up and these boys were gazing at me like they wanted to eat me and they started getting close to me. One boy got bold and tried to touch me, I said don't touch me and literally I stabbed him with a pencil, that pencil was sticking out of his arm. He started crying and told the teacher on me. But I was upset, I didn't say a word to anyone but he was getting mad at me for stabbing him. Anyways the teacher believed my story over his story. He got in trouble and I didn't. My granny was proud of me as well.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-10-17T03:41:15+00:00

First grade but I was worse than him 🤣

orchidfever · 2021-10-17T05:01:16+00:00

Never. I was the disrupted

geminiascendant · 2021-10-17T09:03:42+00:00

I was assigned next to an African-Australian boy who was my good friend and we regarded each other with mutual friendship and as much respect as you can comprehend at age 10 (I’m Viet-Australian and the racism was real in school). My racist teacher then assigned me to him again after the second rotation, having forgotten that I already had to put up with his loud personality (again, good friend but buddy there’s a time and place) and then proceeded to gaslight me in front of the entire class. Not really a diss on my mate, more of a diss on systemic issues.

fds_throwaway_4_u · 2021-10-17T14:22:24+00:00

I think for me it was the third or fourth grade.

ferociouslycurious · 2021-10-17T14:47:07+00:00

First grade

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2021-10-17T20:01:02+00:00

I was too disruptive myself to get assigned this thankless role, HOWEVER, by middle school I became very good at math and had to sit next to this dude that was basically failing and had to help him do this homework instead of spending that time to further my own understanding.

PicoPicoMio · 2021-10-17T10:51:45+00:00

Omg I didn’t realise that I had been placed near the disruptive bully since 1st grade, somehow I always got in trouble when I would talk back to something mean my bully said.

BlondeBeginning · 2021-10-17T12:55:22+00:00

This wasn’t just me? Virtually every grade until I went to a single sex school aged 13.

Novemberinthechair · 2021-10-17T13:08:29+00:00

Second grade. He kept mumbling under his breath like a weirdo.

queeninprogress · 2021-10-17T20:09:06+00:00

Was it just my school that insisted on girl-boy pairings for everyone in almost every class?

AphoticEnigma_ · 2021-10-17T20:24:16+00:00

Grade 7

I sat alone at the front in history class and a disruptive kid called Jordan got moved and seated next to me, I wasn’t happy about it because I liked to sit alone

I never spoke a word to him but he actually calmed down and focused on his work and finished it and would sit and read a book like I would do by the end of the semester

gcfemtastic · 2021-10-17T23:29:26+00:00

5th grade. I was tasked with helping teach the class bully how to write properly and stay on task.

StrawberryMoon3 · 2021-10-18T02:19:29+00:00

I assigned to work with them on group projects in Junior High. All they did was ride the coat tails of high performing girls.

fab_pofu · 2021-10-18T10:11:03+00:00

Grade 4 for me. On the plus side, he wasn’t a bully like I originally thought, but just kind of a disaster. Did stand up for me once against bullies, so I’ll give him that.

Would still have much preferred to sit with my friends and not directly front and center where the teacher could also watch him.

alsatiandarns · 2021-10-18T15:15:13+00:00

First grade! I felt special at the time that I could help him with schoolwork and be a positive influence

Sister_cat · 2021-10-18T23:09:16+00:00

All my childhood 🙄 hanging out with my childhood best friend, his mum telling me to „watch him and let her know if he does something bad”, having to cut out stuff for guys who never learned to use scissors in grade one, having to teach a guy how to weave in arts & crafts in 2nd grade, babysitting the „ADHD” guy (he really just had behavioural problems), having to explain to a guy why following girls around is not ok in 3rd grade (yes, the teacher made me do it based on the fact I was class president)… great post, I never really thought of how we are socialised to take responsibility over men’s behaviour. It definitely promotes rape culture in a way (“why did you lead him on?” etc). Thank you for this insight!

Title	Let's discuss! When did you first get assigned to sit next to a disruptive boy in class, supposedly to be a good influence on him?
Author	Fun_Sherbet
Upvotes	1069
Comments	142
Date	October 17, 2021 2:34 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/q9q16f/lets_discuss_when_did_you_first_get_assigned_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/lets-discuss-when-did-you-first-get-assigned-to.1079079 https://theredarchive.com/post/1079079

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