Lack of empathy for the opposite gender

oldcamembert · 2022-02-09T08:31:19+00:00

In all honesty, I did not observe a lot of empathy between other groups either, no matter how miniscule the differences are. Working class vs middle class, stay at home mums vs working mums, private school parents vs state school parents, lets not even start on sports fans, well... You are supposed to buy empathy from a therapist and experience empathy towards a carefully created screen content you purchase. It is a part of the economy, so no one's giving it for free anymore. Quite sad.

BecretAlbatross · 2022-02-09T03:46:34+00:00

Finally, a good fucking thread

Im_The_Daiquiri_Man · 2022-02-09T23:09:14+00:00

I grew up with 3 older sisters, and was raised almost exclusively by a single my along with my 2 aunts and grandmother. No uncles. No brothers. An alcoholic father and a rotation of “step dads”.

Trust me, I have plenty of empathy and understanding for the real problems women face in all aspects of life.

That doesn’t change the fact that the one blind spot almost every woman in my life has is that of the coldness and loneliness of the male existence and how they themselves contribute to that (consciously and unconsciously)

That’s what we call solipsism, and, while every human being has it to some extent, it is almost a guarantee that a woman will have a myopic and self serving view of what life as a man is like.

That is what I try to fight against at every opportunity on this sub - women trying to get away with convincing themselves and others that uniquely male problems don’t exist or if they do, only the problems that reflect their own experience are the ones that get to be talked about.

We see this lack of empathy in literally every thread about the challenges men face with dating and sex.

If women would at least own up to their own inability to empathize with men, I would absolutely be ok with that. They don’t.

I would love to see a woman say, just once, “I have no idea how I would handle having 8x the testosterone flowing through my body, while simultaneously having every obstacle possible put in my path to find a person to have a sexual relationship with. Therefore, I will have a very hard time giving you good advice here, but I do understand you are feeling a uniquely male sense of existential frustration and hopelessness right now that I may never experience.”

Instead we get shit like “you’re not entitled to sex, shitlord!”

miminothing · 2022-02-09T08:01:00+00:00

I think the problem is a lot of people here are in insular bubbles. They don’t have friends of the opposite gender and only see the other gender as an unrequited object of desire.

DivineDaedra · 2022-02-09T04:05:11+00:00

I think some people forget that suffering isn’t a competition.

Everyone has something they struggle with. You shouldn’t have to be hurting the worst to be shown compassion.

No one should have to convince another person to show empathy.

No one should withhold empathy until they consider the other person worthy of it.

When society places different expectations on different groups of people, everyone suffers—even the group that benefits the most.

dump_in_a_mug · 2022-02-09T04:46:54+00:00

Both sexes deal with different issues, on average, that stem from biological, economical, and sociological realities. Some women have much better lives than other women, and the same can be said for men. I don't think that keeping score of male vs. female struggles is an effective use of our mental energies. Many people live life on hard mode, and it sucks.

However; I agree with some of the commenters that the empathy gap is real: society does not treat men who are struggling with the same empathy that women are treated. Sadly, many man are mocked for struggling (be it with sadness, anxiety, anger, or financial issues), which is wrong.

Even worse, in mental health spaces in the U.S., men have a harder time finding therapists/therapy groups than women do. Part of this reason--according to my licensed social worker/therapist sister and a therapist acquaintance--is that many female therapists won't see men one-on-one. And the majority of therapists/psychologists are women, so this leaves men needing help with less options, depending on where they live.

Sad_Top1743 · 2022-02-09T05:22:42+00:00

I don't have empathy for women's dating problems. I think they have it far far easier than men. It''s all a matter of vetting/filtering for them. If they make bad choices it's pretty much on them.

I do empathize with women on some other non-dating issues they face.

nothatyoucare · 2022-02-09T14:32:47+00:00

Its hard to have empathy for someone who has too much food to chose from while I'm starving to death. When you talk about men saying women go thru life on easy mode we know that:

-most homeless are men

-most successful suicides are men

-we get harsher sentences then women for same crimes

-We're more likely to get injured at work

-We're more likely to be victims of violent crime but women want to harp about how scared they are all the time.

Yeah periods and cramps absolutely suck. Childbirth, I'm sure it sucks too but the majority of those births women want them right? And how often does a women experience those in her life?

But this sub is devoted to dating and the social aspects around that. There women enjoy the overwhelming advantage vs. men. Again, hard to have empathy for someone who has it easier than you and wants to claim the opposite.

hsvgamer199 · 2022-02-09T04:07:32+00:00

Additionally, women must go through life taking safety precautions that men never even have to think about.

In the real world meanwhile, which is what we are (or should be) concerned about, women are far safer than men.

The fact of the matter is, modern western women live longer lives, in better health, enjoy greater material luxury and leisure time at the cost of the lowest amount of labour, and have the most political rights and freedoms in exchange for the fewest social obligations and duties, of any group of humans, ever. By miles.

They are, objectively speaking, the most pampered and privileged large group to ever exist, by a staggering, eye watering margin. As a result, they have also become the most entitled and delusional group to ever exist, to a similarly dizzying degree.

nedinator3000 · 2022-02-09T03:21:38+00:00

The reason I take issue with this is that women having life on easy mode when it comes to this kind of stuff is pretty new, and bad for everyone involved. This kind of post makes things seem far more balanced than the are HOWEVER,

I will totally acknowledge that men don’t really understand women in general or their struggle. They don’t even understand female language.

On the inverse, women don’t understand me at all. What’s worse is they don’t even care to. They just project whatever they think we would do onto us.

2022-02-09T06:59:36+00:00

This is too nuanced and measured OP. I’m surprised its allowed

logiauser · 2022-02-09T03:23:41+00:00

Pretty sure this isn’t true. I’ve seen this asked time and time again and consistently:

Men are able to understand female dating experiences even if they intend to play the game to win.
Women plain don’t care what men go through.

The empathy gap is very one-sided just as it is for men in general (outside of dating).

Edit: This thread will, as usual, expose just how heartless women are. All you're going to see is "fuck men" or "women have it harder". If you saw this and change your post, you need some introspection lol.

M3taBuster · 2022-02-09T05:42:22+00:00

I don't imagine it's easy to suffer bleeding and cramps every 4 weeks

I'd accept this in exchange for dating on easy mode in a heartbeat.

carry around a human being in your stomach for 9 months, or to suffer what's universally recognized as excruciating pain to squeeze said human out of one's vagina

This one is completely avoidable by not having kids (which is what I want anyway).

women must go through life taking safety precautions that men never even have to think about.

Mostly self-imposed due to women's refusal to carry firearms for petty ideological reasons. Not to mention making themselves overly paranoid by watching too much True Crime.

Caring_Cactus · 2022-02-09T04:24:24+00:00

Those who are more reactionary or care a lot about labels I think fit your title perfectly.

Yes, what you listed for both sides are real realities happening, but people forget we're all humans first and foremost. Each person will have different conscious experiences to emotional reactions caused by these circumstances, I think it's laughable how some people try to pin one narrative onto different labels when it's entirely dependent on each individual. Focusing on an "us vs them" mentality creates more animosity, and imo blindsights so many commonalities when we're all much more similar than different.

Edit: This could relate to identity politics, which imo is a distraction to those who get caught up in it, which isn't all too productive in the grand scheme of things pertaining to relationships. If some of us are just looking for that one special someone, the rest don't matter.

CentralAdmin · 2022-02-09T11:38:15+00:00

Again, just think outside of the dating realm and it's not remotely hard to see where women do not have it easy.

But this is not what the sub or discussions are about. Women don't have to have children if they don't want to and men didn't give them their periods. Men know that periods suck and they never exclude women based on having periods. They may joke about it but they tend to be okay with it if she is extra grumpy because of them. No man lacks empathy because a woman has periods.

They lose empathy when women deliberately choose shitty men or spend their youth chasing excitement then want to settle down in their 30s when they realise hot guys won't commit.

Also, OP, take note how much more you had to explain to women.

DraconianDebate · 2022-02-09T12:02:00+00:00

Most of the people in this subreddit, of both genders, are pretty terrible people. I question how much empathy you deserve when you have none for others.

Kaisha001 · 2022-02-09T04:31:42+00:00

I don't imagine it's easy to suffer bleeding and cramps every 4 weeks, to carry around a human being in your stomach for 9 months, or to suffer what's universally recognized as excruciating pain to squeeze said human out of one's vagina. This should all be completely common sense.

In modern day babies and periods are optional. Both can be avoided, medicated, or removed.

Additionally, women must go through life taking safety precautions that men never even have to think about. Again, just think outside of the dating realm and it's not remotely hard to see where women do not have it easy.

This is just completely untrue. Men are 3-4x more likely to be assaulted, and more likely to suffer serious injury or death when it occurs.

MetaphysicPhilosophy · 2022-02-09T03:27:40+00:00

Yeah, everyone has their own struggles and societal expectations to meet. I'm actually trying to develop empathy for men's attraction to female beauty, so that I can not feel offended if my boyfriend appreciates other women. I get it that y'all can't help what you like. Neither can we [women], really. I don't know why that bothered me. I guess it's the fear of being left for someone they like better, or being treated with less adoration. I think part of being an adult is to take responsibility for yourself, be confident and independent enough that the idea of being broken up with or cheated on isn't so devastating, it's recoverable, and you can take care of yourself.

sritaunicelular · 2022-02-09T14:34:25+00:00

Eh, I agree and disagree with parts of this. I do also believe that lack of Inter-sectionalism is part of the reason why we are here. But culturally we have been made to believe we are against each other, "men are from mars, women from Venus" and although recognizing our obvious differences is important, most of the effort from either side (both whichever wave feminism and MRAs, has been to prove that is their gender who in fact suffer more/have it worse.

I don't think you or many men realize that having options doesn't necessarily translate into a good thing. The dating world sucks for women, because of the dangers that come with it. I also don't agree on the fact that make up is the only equivalent, and that women don't need to worry about physical aspects, because we are heavily judged on our looks and reminded that our currency lies on thinness and youth, so after a certain age we just become invisible, we are told we "hit a wall" and no amount of dieting or make up is going to fix that.

Having hundreds of men harassing you on dating apps, ghosting, sending unsolicited dick pics and insulting your looks/personality comes as a package deal for most women. a lot of men seem to believe this is desirable, but instead it's demoralizing, exhausting and anxiety inducing.

I also don't think many men seem to realize that the onus is entirely on women when it comes to maintaining relationships. Maybe traditionally the courtship still falls on men for whatever antiquated reason, but is usually women who bear the mental load: social interactions, cleaning, organization, planning, child care. It's still expected to be "a woman's job" and it's not like we still live in a society in which men are the only ones working. We joined the work force a long time ago too, yet are expected to continue taking over the household entirely, which is a job on itself.

Getting sidetracked, but yes. You make decent points, but the gist of it continues to be that our blindspots prevent us from truly understanding the experience of the other gender. My point of view is obviously going to be skewed/biased and from a female standpoint, (and my complaints) but don't think for a second I don't support men or their own struggles. You just have to put your own mask before helping others/your safety vest first.

gid2525 · 2022-02-09T05:25:46+00:00

I am trying to think of, in all of human history, when women have been concerned with or have empathy for men that is separate and apart from some value to women themselves...

I cannot really think of much empathy toward men by women at least in my lifetime in the USA. Its always about "what women want." Or how we should have sympathy/empathy for them. Entire social policies, commercials, tv shows, movies, etc. about all of that. Not a damn peep in the opposite direction unless it is of some direct use or value to women themselves.

Women as victims, women as "oppressed" women as blah, blah, blah and we should all empathize/sympathize with them and do something/change something to make it better for them. Never for men. I just have not seen it.

Given that reality I just don't see much in the way of "empathy", at least toward men EVER happening. Men are not the protected ones. Sperm is cheap, eggs are precious: Titanic writ large in all areas in small ways and large ways.

I think what you are asking for is unlikely and unrealistic as I think thats just the way people are wired and socialized. Probably partially biological. The only way you will ever get women to empathize is by explaining it in a way that will somehow advantage women if they were to do so.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-02-09T03:21:29+00:00

I always say men should have an appropriate amount of empathy for women but never too much just cuz it'll never be reciprocated, there's double standards in life between the two genders (and there is only two by the way) and that's just the way it is, not saying we have to be assholes to each other but perspectives are what they're going to be

GuitarsBack · 2022-02-09T17:30:49+00:00

So yeah, can we all stop being so blinded by the rage of "how hard we have it" that we callously dismiss the very real struggles of those who aren't like us?

That's a good question.

And the answer is: The problem is not "the rage of how hard we have it". The problem is that the well was poisoned too much.

Decades of structural and institutional "Men are the oppressors! We need to tackle women's issues! There can be no sexism against men... by definition! Patriarchy! Hashtag Yes All Men!" have done their job quite well and we won't see relaxed discussion in the near future.

It's really sad.

2022-02-09T20:30:54+00:00

You are leaving out something very very crucial. Women also have tutorial mode in education and in early career stages.

Additionally about your safety measures women apparantly have to do. Men are assaulted, robbed or beat down at higher rates overall than women so this arguement is invalid in this kind of discussion setting, women's cases are heavily sexual loaded but it doesn't make it any worse or different than just straight up beating guys are getting.

Exciting-Necessary-5 · 2022-02-10T19:58:23+00:00

This is dumb, men shouldn't expect empathy from the opposite gender or society and neither should they degrade themselves by taking empathy. If a man is not good looking, or poor, or skill-less, society and by extension, women, won't show any empathy to him.

All a woman has to do is exist for society to care for their needs.

Men should focus completely on themselves and improving their own value (career wise, looks wise, sexual experience, etc) because his own value is all he has, and not worry about the what imagined or unimagined sufferings of women because women will be taken care off one way or the other.

Honestly, I think the empathy gap from men to women needs to be equal if not greater than the empathy gap from women to men.

caption291 · 2022-02-09T06:08:49+00:00

"Everything must always be perfectly equal between two sides because otherwise I might have to pick a side."

sarkington · 2022-02-09T03:57:06+00:00

I can understand men’s struggles and point of view just fine

Understanding doesn’t make me want to fuck/pity fuck them, or remove the risk of interacting with them, or make me feel obligated to put their desires above mine

IAmDefinitelyNotFBI · 2022-02-09T12:40:58+00:00

I'll take the unpopular approach here and say that it's mostly one way. You will find plenty of male feminists, or men who are defending women and their issues. You won't find nearly any women doing the opposite.

Renzolol · 2022-02-09T13:39:35+00:00

I like how your paragraph about men is twice as long as your paragraph about women.

cautionTomorrow555 · 2022-02-09T03:50:50+00:00

I could give long lists about why guys have it harder and women have it easier, but the women here wouldn't believe it so why bother? They would just interpret it as either make believe or whining because they don't know what it is like to be a man.

TryLambda · 2022-02-09T09:34:41+00:00

Women don’t love men. ONLY what they do for them, … when men realise women have no empathetic hearts, it’s easy for men to want to check out.. and say I’m done … I’m not going to help a society that only caters towards women..

cantwifeahoe · 2022-02-09T04:00:38+00:00

Give me one good reason I should be empathetic to women

Prudent-Web3529 · 2022-02-09T10:32:50+00:00

Many women will feel threatened by a man, simply because she finds him unattractive. But if us men do that, then we're suppose to be evil.

Academic_Snow_7680 · 2022-02-09T05:48:39+00:00

You left out the whole problem of gendered violence and inflated the troubles of dating which are secondary to SURVIVAL and SECURITY.

poppy_blu · 2022-02-09T12:04:23+00:00

The irony

“People on PPD lack empathy for the opposite gender”

Then

“Women, dating is easy for you cause the man does everything.”

“It’s easy for you to be considered high value [read: find a dude willing to stick his dick in you.]

“You don’t need conversational skills.”

“You should be grateful every man wants to fuck you.”

What youve done here is compare the life of a young attractive women to the life of a man with autism and poor social skills.

The level of disingenuousness of the sub gets worse everyday.

The truth is neither gender has it universally harder than the other. Individuals vary according to how difficult it is to date and get the attention of the people they want to date. Making your personal struggles a gender issue is a cop out.

And yes I have empathy for men who are autistic, socially challenged, short (and I mean short, not “I’m 5’10” and that’s why no girl will talk to me”) poor, etc. where you lose me is when you channel it into blame and bitterness and lump everyone with different plumbing than you into a single category to mock and demonize.

If you’re struggling, it’s not because you’re a man or woman. And the only one who can improve your situation is you.

trolltaskforce · 2022-02-09T04:09:37+00:00

We should compare how we are treated socially, rather than biologically. Talking about women giving birth or having periods is just nonsensical, cause that’s not something that’s a result of how people treat you in society. Same as when a dude doesn’t know if a kid is his or not naturally.

You can compare how people treat pregnant women in society, or dude’s who find out a kid isn’t their’s for example. That’s a more fair thing when comparing how we are socially treated.

2022-02-09T13:23:52+00:00

I grew up out the country, constantly on guard for wild hogs and coyotes outside, snakes and bats in closets, and spiders and scorpions in my bed and clothing. It’s become second nature to constantly check for threats for things that might maim or sting me and it’s mind boggling to me that this heightened awareness of danger that I’m grateful for, that allows me to better prepare for threats, is seen as oppressive when experienced by women.

Otherwise, I agree with this post. Pregnancy and child birth must suck, but these are the biological differences between male and female that cause women to suffer. It’s not the socially enforced suffering that men experience, that could be fixed if anyone cared about men’s issues. Granted it is very much the reverse in non-western cultures where women suffer because of the social order.

social_mule · 2022-02-09T14:51:37+00:00

Yeah, this takes place a lot offline as well. I remember a few years back I was having a discussion with another middle aged man about health issues. Mainly talking about reaching the age where we need to start having prostate exams and colonoscopies. We used colorful language but the overall point was men our age needed to start paying more attention to our health.

Well we made the mistake of having this conversation within earshot of a 350 lb butch woman who felt the need to interject and tell us about all the stuff women have to worry about health-wise. Apparently men talking about prostate exams is the equivalent of saying women don't have menstrual cycles.

Grappleheart · 2022-02-09T15:12:04+00:00

This is awesome and whoever started this thread thank you so much. I hate how both red pillers and each gender acts like dating is impossible due to the opposite gender.

2022-02-09T15:46:50+00:00

The globalists. The multi-national billionaires who fund and support a corporate world government socially engineered this imbalance. They intentionally destroy the family unit (Except their own) and they seek to become the demi-gods. Replacing god with their corporate governance. The last thing they want is for everyone to have a harmonious union. The harmonious union of male & female is literally the opening of a portal to the Devine, and that en-masse is threat to their agenda. This is also why they launch media campaigns and chemical diet warfare to throw our hormones, health, and emotions off balance. They hijacked the natural architypes of homosexuality and transgenderism and promote it for their own benefit, because people will be of more use to the corporo-world government if they mold into these architypes. I'm not here to argue that anyone's lifestyle is a problem, I'm here to tell you the reality that companies and governments are spending time and resources to make people live certain lifestyles because it benefits their agenda. This seemingly modern-toxic imbalance between men and women is a result of their campaigns.

Diddy_1978 · 2022-02-09T08:37:45+00:00

You are clearly a man. 😂 your post clearly doesn’t see half the struggles women face, and limit it to the physical pain/discomfort and safety risks of having a female body 😂

The_FatGuy_Strangler · 2022-02-09T03:42:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

-Giga- · 2022-02-09T10:33:30+00:00

I do not believe in, or respect, useless centrism in absolutely any way. So no, I disagree.

First off, men are not that deep. It is easy to empathize with them. Until you get to spaces like PPD.

Literal idiots sit here and dehumanize women in ways you will NEVER see women do back and you want to lecture about empathy? No. Idgaf, guys who are gunna cheer on the taliban, tell us we're lucky we dont get raped, and so forth can get wrecked right along with the men who say nothing to them

Secondly. You have men here who cry about how much easier dating is for all women. Meanwhile my ethnic group factually has a segment, of which I am included, who has dealt with vile racism + sexism + colorism UNCHECKED to this day. The problems the vast majority here have are child's play.

We have to hear all day about "preference" yet come here and yellow bellied bitchmade males who PERPTRATE that and psychologically maul our young girls from day one expect "empathy".

AND THEN

You have another group of women of which I volunteer my time to support, for years, who are completely invisible to men. These same men who literally attack the female sex for anything by making it clear that unattractive women are not worth kindness, civility, humanity.

You dont see any of these people doing the abhorrent shit men do or saying these things

Yet yall come on here with this performative middle of the road narrative. For what

If anything? Women can come to PPD to cut their teeth and harden their heart to male issues. Its a good training ground for them.

It is an entirely irrational demand to expect "empathy" for a real persectuor.

And act like its the same with men and their IMAGINED persection. Fact of the matter is, male issues are made small or invisible here because the only shit people here care to focus on are problems MEN CREATE and wont take ownership of.

Men who seek humanity can easily get it by showing some.

LillthOfBabylon · 2022-02-09T10:46:52+00:00

Anyone can throw themselves a pity party.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-02-09T05:13:27+00:00

Okay .

OneDumbPony · 2022-02-09T13:51:26+00:00

The general message was good, but there are lots of flaws on the women's side that leads me to believe you don't fully understand the smaller struggles that women deal with. (Especially how you gloss over how women have to stay thin and get shamed for having tummy fat when its completely natural. Also that they have to limit themselves when out at restaurants, etc. Its not just that women are hot and can get away with looking cute not putting any effort forward, they have to do a number of things so guys find them attractive in the first place.. but guys don't realize what these things are.)

2022-02-09T13:30:24+00:00

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Kentucky_Supreme · 2022-02-09T13:33:30+00:00

I don't understand the safety concern that women have and men supposedly don't. It's not like my penis protects me from knives and bullets lol. I mean come on.

Zerofication · 2022-02-09T13:44:07+00:00

You can't empathize with something you will never experience, unless you have the mental capacity to understand it on a conceptual level. Men are able to do that, but women can't. So on the aggregate, it's just men empathizing with women, who in turn empathize with their kind or lower creatures like children or animals, and it's a mistake to expect anything more than that because it's beyond them.

2022-02-09T17:45:00+00:00

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learn2earn89 · 2022-02-09T03:29:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Lack of empathy for the opposite gender
Author	SupermarketFun21
Upvotes	356
Comments	490
Date	February 9, 2022 3:13 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/so32y2/lack_of_empathy_for_the_opposite_gender/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/lack-of-empathy-for-the-opposite-gender.1101654 https://theredarchive.com/post/1101654

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