What some women think a mature man dating a young woman looks like vs what it really is like.

wtknight · 2022-08-29T19:29:33+00:00

Re-flaired as CMV as this post is making an affirmative claim.

TheDisasterClown · 2022-08-30T01:17:22+00:00

When I was 19 I dated a guy who was 14 years older than me. We were together for 3 years and then he cheated on me with someone even younger than me (caught him in the act - as in I was at the same party where it happened). My pov - if you're going to cheat at least try to hide it (I'm actually ENM now so this is a non issue and I choose partners better now).

Obviously I'll have a bias that coloured by my experiences, but I do have enough critical thinking skills to understand not all older men who date significantly younger women are not ideal partners. There are always exceptions.

However, that said, now that I'm a 34 year old woman - I can understand why that former partner chose such young partners.

At 19 I thought what I felt was love and I didn't care that this person had very little ambition, a dead end job and wasn't very intelligent. At 34, I've experienced real love now and it matters to me that my partner has their shit together in the career sense and in the self development and awareness sense.

In that situation it wasn't so much about predatory behavior so much as the person was just..... kind of a loser and honestly, younger people just don't have the experience yet to recognize it. Women his age simply didn't want to date him and I see this pattern often.

avoiding_a_stalker · 2022-08-29T19:51:52+00:00

So I've actually dated a few older men (about 7-15 years older than myself when I was in my teens) and neither of those have been my experience. I'll outline a few below.

The tl;dr is that is really depends but just as there's a higher likelihood that the guy will have their shit together, there's a higher likelihood that he'll be a jerk. I didn't find many "mediocre" guys that were 5+ years my senior willing to date me; they were either wonderful or awful. Conversely, when dating guys my own age, they were mostly "meh" - they just didn't have it all together because they were young but they weren't malicious.

Guy 1 (dated for 1 year - ages 16 & 25):

- Was immature as all heck; couldn't hold down a job, had PTSD that he refused to get treated, had attachment issues

- Yelled at me, called me names, destroyed my self-esteem

- Coerced me into doing things I didn't enjoy

- Isolated me from friends and family

Guy 2 (went on a few dates, mostly hooked up - ages 16 & 32)

- Super sweet, always asked for consent

- Was a mentor to me, treated me well

Guy 3 (dated for 3 months, ages 18 & 32)

- Was incredibly condescending ("You'll think differently when you're my age/you'll grow out of that")

- Demeaned me, called me names, isolated me

- Flaked on me to see other women

- Thought my "way of life"/hobbies/interests were stupid

Guy 4 (dated for 2.5 years, ages 18 & 25)

- Super sweet, combination of a great mentor and boyfriend

- Took me across the country, helped me through university, watched me get my first government job, supported me through my second business, helped me get my first job out of school

- Was always my cheerleader, in my corner, my rock, generally amazing guy

Guy 5 (on and off for 2 years, ages 17 & 26)

- Great mentor and friend, gave great advice, looked out for me

- Also was condescending/insulted me a lot if I pissed him off

My takeaway is that it's really not worth dating older men. They're more likely to be terrible and generally do not have good intentions and while they're more likely to also have their lives together, it's not usually worth the tradeoff. Date guys your own age. Most older men trying to date younger women are not worth it.

Aromatic_Shop9033 · 2022-08-29T22:52:00+00:00

They (many older women complaining) are just insecure they are getting older.

/thread

corporatesandry · 2022-08-29T20:51:10+00:00

Men say this but rightfully lose their minds over a 35+ year old trying to get with their young daughter. How many of you males would genuinely have zero worries or doubts about your 19 yr old daughter “dating” a guy that’s 38?

Of course you would have a problem and you already know the answer as to why. I admire the commitment to playing dumb though.

attendquoi · 2022-08-29T20:49:23+00:00

You're describing a sugar daddy, not a relationship.

NockerJoe · 2022-08-29T19:11:23+00:00

Bro I've seen that top list go down in real time, today. If you wanna fuck an 18 year old go shoot your shot but don't lie to us about what weird old dudes get up to.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-08-29T19:30:19+00:00

Older men are more likely to do the first list of things and no more likely (probably less likely if anything) to do the second than men the same age.

calfshrug · 2022-08-29T19:36:27+00:00

I don't think you actually know how the majority of old men going after young women behave or what they are thinking. But, I've seen enough 90 day fiance to know that it's usually....both. They want someone very young not only because young people are attractive, but because they are easy to control. There are exceptions, but most of the time, dating someone your daughter's age is not a genuine connection. They want to have a hot young woman as an accessory. And as long as the young woman is old enough to know what she's doing...so 22-ish+ years old, I think it's fine. Transactional relationships aren't inherently bad. But 18/19 year olds are still too young to properly understand what's going on, especially those from bad backgrounds.

Lysa_Bell · 2022-08-29T19:47:16+00:00

It's starts with list 2 and then moves to list 1 once they are established. Older men want someone without experience so they don't see the red flags. They wanna mold their perfect little submissive toy by picking them young.

sarkington · 2022-08-29T19:47:12+00:00

We know manipulation/exploitation occurs the other way.

Doesn’t change who is older

2022-08-30T01:34:49+00:00

most of the things in the bottom half my bf does and hes younger than me

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-08-29T19:16:52+00:00

The thing is, he could do all that stuff in your second list with a women his own age. Most of the time, when an older dude goes after a younger women is so he can abuse her in some form.

And yes, I’ve seen this happen many times and I’ve lost count of the amount of dirty old men that leered over me and tried to be inappropriate

2022-08-29T19:45:49+00:00

Lol funnily enough 2 is more like the treatment sugar babies get.

I think it says a lot when the younger woman a man is actually paying to spend time with him gets better treatment than the one who actually loves him. Maybe because with SB the arrangement is 100% transactional and there aren't really feelings and insecurities involved. He has her as long as he keeps the money coming. An older guy who genuinely feels things for a younger woman is more likely to do abusive/irrational/controlling shit to keep her around.

sleydon · 2022-08-30T01:30:13+00:00

A 45 year old man dating a 27 year old woman is a very different story to a 19 year old teen with a 32 year old man. Date women two decades younger by all means but for the love of god, 17-21 year old women are still developing and learning how to live in the real world.

People are so impressionable at that age and can be easily manipulated by someone older. There’s definitely an unsavoury power dynamic when people in their late 20’s or early 30’s date in this age group.

Koipisces · 2022-08-30T08:55:06+00:00

“VS what it really is like” This is literally just your interpretation of how you like it to be and not close to the reality. Even if the woman agrees, it is still grooming for the simple fact that she is much more vulnerable and easier to manipulate. Please understand the concept of grooming first before trying to create a discussion. And how do you know the majority men are not like that? You’ll be surprised how many men target young women.

KayRay1994 · 2022-08-30T13:09:18+00:00

source? trust me bro

hungrychick404 · 2022-08-30T18:45:00+00:00

As a 23 year old I wouldn’t even consider someone over the age of 30 as an option and if someone that age flirts with my friends or I we call him a creep.

I don’t know what I would have in common with someone who is that much older than me personally and older guys aren’t as attractive to me. And many people are saying that “older women are just mad because they’re jealous” why would I want an old man who thinks I’ll be an ugly old hag at 30? Ew

Gracie_777 · 2022-08-29T21:06:30+00:00

This is meaningless without ages a 35 year old dating a 48 year old is very different to a 20 year old dating a 32 year old.

An older man doesn’t need to engage in your listed behaviours to be predatory and unless you’ve been groomed by an older person when you are much younger and a young person in general then you’re not in a position to say it’s ok.

Lost-Zebra6453 · 2022-08-29T23:02:36+00:00

There are men on this thread who have married women 10 years younger than them and started dating them when the woman was 16. I’m glad other men are saying even 18 year olds are childlike compared to men 10 years older.

Cephalan · 2022-08-30T07:20:08+00:00

You never see a man walk towards a woman dating a rich guy and call her a gold digger.

Lollll

2022-08-30T10:33:35+00:00

From my experience, the young women I grew up with who dated older men (myself included) had low RMV because of various mental health/family issues.

Unfortunately, having little life experience meant we were blind to a lot of red/orange flags.

DiamondLilyD · 2022-08-30T11:36:13+00:00

Pick her up at her house and bring her home after dates
Take her out to have a nice meal in a new restaurant
Make her laugh and feel special
Tale her on trips to new places she had never heard of
Introduce her to new life experiences
Give her gifts

I can meet a man my own age who does that.

That__EST · 2022-08-30T14:57:14+00:00

Back in the day, I dated a dude who was 11 years older than me. The women in my life were either indifferent or thought it was awesome that he was already established and we got along so well. It was my dad, grandfather, and uncles who said that we weren't a good match and we're against it and claimed that older men date younger women to control them.

So IDK. In my life it's the opposite. It's the men who are saying it's a bad idea and that those men date younger women who won't call them out on their BS.

hostility_kitty · 2022-09-02T22:37:58+00:00

I don’t think ANY woman in this comment section has had a good experience dating an older guy as a younger woman. Myself included.

gofigure62 · 2022-08-29T19:33:59+00:00

Demi Lovato just came out with a song called 29 that details why all women who dating extremely older men in their teens have an issue with it now.

If you're genuinely curious about the issue tons of women have left comments regarding their experiences, their realizations, and why they think it's wrong as an adult now.

Personally, I believe that extreme age agp relationships irrespective of sex and sexual orientation are predatory if the younger person is under 28. The older person is ALWAYS exploiting, manipulating, stifling, and sabatoging the younger person.

Bikerbats · 2022-08-29T21:50:41+00:00

I have to ask, where do you guys live that this is tolerated? I've said here before that my sons and I had a chat with a 35 year old who was hitting on my then 19 year old daughter. I'll drop the euphemism for a moment: We put him in the hospital. Yep, we were all arrested, and happy ending, grand jury just couldn't find a problem with it and returned a no-bill on the felonies, and a jury of my peers likewise told the prosecutor where she could stick the misdemeanor assault charges she was left with.

womandatory · 2022-08-30T00:29:28+00:00

As a woman in her 40s now who dated a couple of much older men when I was in my 20s, my experience has been that men in their 30s and older have nothing in common with 18-25yo women.

They don’t have to be intentionally predatory or abusive, because it’s inherently predatory and abusive. It’s got nothing to do with young women not having agency, it has everything to do with massively unequal power dynamics. Young women (remember I was one) like to be told they are mature for their age, especially when guys their own age are behaving like dicks. It’s nice to date a man who can afford nice dates, not $2 taco Tuesday, and drives a nicer car, maybe has his own place that he doesn’t have to share with housemates etc. That doesn’t change the fact it’s inherently predatory, exploitive and potentially abusive for the man to get involved with her.

Most of the older men I knew in my early 20s were friends or colleagues of my dad and I had mentoring or father/daughter like relationships with them. They were protective and kind and a safe place to fall when I needed it. That’s how it should be.

As a woman in my late 40s, I look at young boys and men 16-25 and I simply can not comprehend how men my age can look at women that age sexually. If I could have given birth to them, the very idea of looking at them in any way other than a mothering or mentoring way is utterly abhorrent to me.

Porn is robbing men of their natural protective instinct towards women and girls, and RP ideology including debunked junk science about fertility and the ‘natural order’ of things is ruining generations of men now.

The most successful long term relationships are ones where there are just a few years age difference. This result is shown time and time again. If you’re just looking for sex, well sure, some young women will fall for the mature older man short term, but as soon as she realises she’s destined to go from bang maid to nurse maid, she will wake up to herself.

Who wants to be in the prime of their life, in their 40s, wanting to travel and live an active life when their kids are getting a bit older and having more independence, with a husband who is in declining health? As I approach my 50s in excellent physical shape, with financial independence and a child approaching adulthood, I would neither want a man who is 30 nor one who is 70. I’m grateful to have a partner my own age. We like the same music, the same kinds of activities, we face the same kinds of potential health problems that emerge at this age, can joke about the more invasive tests we need to start having soon etc. There a lot of comfort to be found in similarity.

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Maddzilla2793 · 2022-08-30T13:53:21+00:00

Honestly.. Most of the age gap discourse that I am aware of in the groups of women I converse with. Those points aren’t it. Those are points of any abusive man. and the other points are just things in anyone, regardless of age, should be to a relationship

Majority of women I’ve spoken to about it. It’s more about the big division in life experiences, compatibility and the intentions. Typically, both parties think they are benefiting from each other based on said age. But it’s never the case. One may thinks they are more mature the other may be looking for adventure and youth. It typically just leads to major capability issues.

Personally I’ve dated a few older.

In college, I dated a few thirty year olds. It was weird. I was under 21, they couldn’t legally take me to a bar. They loved my vulnerableness. But also, had this weird interest in me being in college. One of them even wanted to fuck me in my dorm room and take him to college parties (like bro you are 35, and I never slept with him). The second one, treated me like a little girl, and it was obviously a sexual kink thing. And getting shushed and pat on the head, was jarring. I knew their only interest in me was the experience and not to actually date date me. And I know I dated them because I thought I was being mature and open myself beyond my age, hoping to expand myself. But in retrospect, it was none of that for me.

My most recent older gentleman I “dated” was also very brief. He was vastly older then me, 50. We connected over being adopted. He was interesting, one of those older, rich, I am smart, successful, traveling nomad types. He made it very clear he had women across the world he spent time with and gave money too. He also wanted to be a drill sergeant, and extremely jealous (which he immediately admitted the first time I met him). I did not like the experience at all, as typically I date to be with someone and have zero interest in gaining financially from an relationship and being treated certain ways.

I’ve also watched many of friends go through it, believing that just because a man is older they are mature and able to provide a relationship we believe they can. I have one friend who married an older man, she was 23 he was 45, the dynamic was different he was her college professor and she was desperate to get off DACA. She made choices that put her in an abusive situation.

However, that can happen with man for various age groups of men and honestly think the dynamic there, since was her professor, was largely to blame. There was also large capability issues due to age. She is now divorced before 30 and feels like she wasted her youth.

The discourse isn’t really about age and more about the relationships we get ourselves into. And that’s always why I use a lot of “mays” and not all encompassing statements. Because yes, people can have an actual normal age gap relationship. BUT it comes down to intentions and capability.

And I believe media out there is just giving you a few stupid points. But when you actually get down and talk to people who’ve done it and listen it’s more about the relationships themselves and what people want from them. I always suggest two way feedback, talk to more people, ask more questions on treads like this for max view points. Rather than an opinion leader who takes their views and breaks it down, which is what a lot of our current media is.

-angels-fan- · 2022-08-29T19:14:11+00:00

Everybody talks about older men grooming young women but nobody talking about the evil young women sucking the resources from these fragile, unsuspecting older men.

spiritdancer_ · 2022-08-29T21:13:03+00:00

An interesting aspect of this, is that young men getting with older women is seen in a drastically different light. Which to me implies that young men are considered to have more agency than young women, yet women constantly talk about the reason they like dating older men is because men mature slower.

Truth_Antisocial · 2022-08-29T21:05:39+00:00

Have you ever seen the show The Boys?

If you ever wanted an example of a creepy old disgusting predator using his position of power to manipulate and coerce an innocent young woman, 20 years younger than him into doing his bidding look no further than THESE PHOTOS.

This is what the good women on PPD are talking about when they are telling you how gross and creepy all you old men are! Stop approaching them! Especially at work!

That guy thinks he's "better" and that she's just some innocent girl who needs a job with his organization.

There is a clear power(s) imbalance in that situation.

She knows that man could destroy her career, and much worse if she so much as looks at him funny. I've seen video of him saying as much. He believes he can do "whatever the fuck he wants"

Those pictures are what a manipulated young woman looks like. Can't you see how miserable and manipualted she is? Look at the sorrow in her face.

I'm sure some rape apologists will defend this monster, but that's because they themselves are predators who only like young women because they are easy to manipulate and no strong, independent woman their own age would have them!

#HOMELIGHT, my ass.

supershotmd · 2022-08-29T19:28:18+00:00

Liking 40-something women over 20-something women somehow makes you a nicer person, apparently.

Eyes_and_teeth · 2022-08-29T20:02:03+00:00

The rule of thumb for appropriate age range differences I've always heard is half the older person's age + 7 years with a bright red line if the younger person isn't 18 years old yet and the older person is 18+...

YMMV.

Purple317 · 2022-08-29T23:55:11+00:00

A lot of the hate seems to be from older women's jealously and not coming to term with getting old

Stop_Maximum · 2022-08-29T21:10:27+00:00

Someone who’s older probably would expect more things from a relationship. I don’t think most of them will just sit around waiting for them to grow up. The larger the age gap, the worse it might get because interests might be different. One thing I don’t like is when they “shame” them for being childish. Like, if you can’t find people your age to date that are mature, why stop someone growing up and learning about life?

DerekMorganBAU · 2022-08-29T20:55:03+00:00

Age gap relationship arguments can be summed up here on PPD with one phrase

Men…..bad. Women????? Good.

Literally no other logic tracks in these debates. No the woman can’t possibly be trying to leverage her body for cash and prizes. Nope. Women are good. All the time.

The man though? Ugh what a creep. He only wants to take advantage of women.

Love it keep it comin

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-08-29T21:28:10+00:00

I'm 36 and regularly date women 12+ years my junior.

Commonalities:

Usually mostly centered around having fun nothing serious.

There's a disconnect sometimes in maturity.

They tend to be easier to please.

They tend to be eager to please (out of insecurity)

...

As far as the type of dates I use the same standard dating procedure on all women: before we're intimate, low stakes venues that facilitate conversation

Fragmented79 · 2022-08-30T11:35:01+00:00

I really think it’s a projection thing. My theory is that the women who get mad when older men who date younger women are usually 35+ themselves. Their subconscious mind is reinforcing their insecurity about their advancing age and dwindling dating options. Now as for 35+ men who disapprove, they subconsciously want to date young women, but they fear social ostracism for going against the mainstream feminist notion that men should only date younger women that are within five years (or whatever small arbitrary number). Men generally gravitate toward women who are youthful and beautiful (i.e. more fertile). Women tend to gravitate to men who are confident, influential, and can provide abundant resources. These qualities tend to be in men who are older - which is why many (but not necessarily most) young women like and prefer older men.

daddysgotanew · 2022-08-29T22:25:05+00:00

Women grow up a LOT faster than men. I’d argue that the average 30-35 year old man and 19-21 year old women are on the same level, at least sexually.

Sea_Particular_9086 · 2022-08-29T20:09:47+00:00

I would say 18 and fresh out of college, is a no but 25+ year women dating someone in their 30s nothing wrong with it, imo. As you have older women in their 30s-50s dating younger men. When I was 25 I was sleeping with much older women 36-44.

From a women’s perspective, what do they say it makes the women feel young again. But when its a 25+ year old women dating a man in his 30s they throw shame. Funny how that is.

The_Madman1 · 2022-08-30T01:10:30+00:00

You saying a 30 year old woman dating a 45 year old man is ok? That's messed up in this age. I am in late 20s and why would I date a woman who is intersted in Old men. Anyone who says it's normal needs to get their head checked.

no_bling_just_ding · 2022-08-30T12:10:20+00:00

if shes competent enough to take a loan that would bankrupt me, i think shes competent enough to consent to hooking up with men twice her age.

beleidigtewurst · 2022-08-30T12:58:39+00:00

It is a "slut" like female butthurt about men (otherwise expendable, lesser group that gets no empathy and is slaughtered on droves even laughed at, when in pain).

This time, many ladies are butthurt by the fact peak age for men is good 10 years later than for women. (peak fertility is at about 35 years, when for women it is at 25 or below)

Have_ASeatOverThere · 2022-08-30T14:15:07+00:00

I disagree with your reasoning:

First and foremost this is simply my opinion from having seen women do this and from what other men see/talk about, this is ON AVERAGE, I DONT CARE ABOUT THE ONE OFFS OR NOT ALL STATEMENTS. Please dont get offended or start insulting me, you're not going to sway me from this opinion.

Women dont truly think you're grooming or are being creepy, they are shaming you for them losing leverage over the men they used to have and the men they thought would wait around untill they stopped riding the carousel. When they were late teens/early 20s they benefitted from older men, dating, sugar daddys, bar regulars, older bfs/husbands, older men simping for them, etc. It wasnt creepy for them then, you cant use the too young argument after 18, it doesnt hold up in court or in war for men so it wont hold water for me.

When they hit 30+ they want to hit you with this: https://youtu.be/dHJPJn3GExM (I dont think she realized how she was confirming our RP talking points when she made this lol, you cant make this shit up...)

They want to have their fun and put you on the backburner for the fun guys in their hot youth and when they've had their fill want to call you in from the sidelines and you better be all their former preferences plus more because they wont be settling. But the problem is that after 30 men hit their financial stride and are still young enough to date younger women and are finally able to. Men dont want to do what women expect them to at this age and this is when women finally get their RedPill moment... their prime has passed and they will be invisible to men 30-55 aside from hooking up and even then most those men will still go after younger women. I've seen this happen to all of my female friends 30+ and it is brutal. They start acting out at work, shitting on men online, they start drinking more and it actually gets kinda sad. This isnt an insult, it's what happens, dating app data shows all men 20 - 50s only prefer women 22 to 25 on apps.

You can disagree with me, you can shame me, but ultimately men have their preferences and women have theirs. Men get shamed for the preferences they have while women get praised for the same preferences they shit on you for having. And when they no longer have leverage they call you a creep/metaphile for doing what they took part of. Accountability and being told no/ignored is like kryptonite to women. DISAGREEMENT WITH WOMEN AND ACKNOWLEDGING HUMAN BEHAVIOR DOES NOT MEAN YOU HATE WOMEN, STOP NORMALIZING TOXIC LABELS TO DERAIL AND DETRACT THE CONVERSATION.

Obvious-Rise9199 · 2022-08-30T14:19:28+00:00

Funny - going through the list of negative is why I am so happy after divorcing my ex-wife who was the same age as me. People are assholes. Regardless of age or gender.

Isolating her from her friends and family (she hated my family/friends and did wanted us to move far away)
Coercing her to do things against her will (Every god damn day - I forgot what I liked doing and lost my own identity)
Threatening her so that she cooperates with him (So emotionally manipulative).
Forcing her to do sexual acts with him (or begging for them?)
Lowering her self-steem (Definitely took away a lot of my drive)
Physically abusing her (nope, just emotionally/mentally)

SouthernGrass3 · 2022-08-29T23:58:13+00:00

Holy username Batman!

Willow-girl · 2022-08-30T15:20:59+00:00

Generally speaking a young woman dating a man of her choice has some benefits, she gets something out of that relationship.

When I was a teenager, I liked dating men over 21, because they could supply me with booze. They usually had higher-quality weed and coke as well!

kvakerok · 2022-08-31T06:43:50+00:00

What some women think a mature man dating a young woman looks like:

Isolating her from her friends and family Coercing her to do things against her will Threatening her so that she cooperates with him Forcing her to do sexual acts with him Lowering her self-steem Physically abusing her

They don't think that, they simply spread those rumors because they are jealous and salty that he didn't choose them.

Title	What some women think a mature man dating a young woman looks like vs what it really is like.
Author	NationalistGoy
Upvotes	27
Comments	452
Date	August 29, 2022 7:06 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/x0wyso/what_some_women_think_a_mature_man_dating_a_young/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-some-women-think-a-mature-man-dating-a-young.1130827 https://theredarchive.com/post/1130827

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