What do you think about the idea that women may put men into two groups- those who are “hookup/ONS” material and those who are “relationship/husband” material?

pentatonicartichoke · 2024-11-28T03:53:35+00:00

Can't relate. I never participated in hookup culture because I don't fuck without feelings. For me sex isn't separate from love, but an expression of it. That's personal though. I have no moral objections to casual sex or people enjoying it, it just doesn't appeal to me personally.

FineDevelopment00 · 2024-11-28T00:55:32+00:00

I think it's the female equivalent of the madonna/whore complex, a pathology which doesn't apply to the entire sex but rather a toxic subset.

S0yslut · 2024-11-28T04:03:40+00:00

If you put people into the ONS/hookup category you deserve to be in that category yourself.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2024-11-28T09:07:02+00:00

1) I wouldn't hook up with a guy whose personality I found repulsive

2) I wouldn't be in a relationship with a guy I wasn't physically attracted to

3) A guy who would make a good partner can definitely be sexually attractive as well

4) a fuckboy can absolutely have a small penis

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-11-28T00:43:14+00:00

I've definitely been with guys who were in the "casual" basket but none of them were assholes. There are reasons other than "hot but shitty" not to want to be in a relationship with someone. With some it was that neither of us wanted anything serious at that point, with others it was that we had very different ideas of what we'd like a relationship to look like, with some it was that we had very different plans for the future. I think most of the "casual" guys I've seen in the past are either married or in LTRs right now, and the ones who aren't were the types who were never all that invested in having long-term relationships.

attendquoi · 2024-11-28T00:37:12+00:00

I totally do it. Hookup guy is attractive only. Relationship guy is attractive and meets my standards for dating.

I really don't know where men got the idea that relationship guys are ugly.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2024-11-28T05:14:06+00:00

Oh man I’m marrying my ONS/FWB. Did I do it wrong?

Fab_Glam_Obsidiam · 2024-11-28T13:47:24+00:00

For me it's "sure if fuck him but I don't want to be around him full time" and "oh I want this man in my life and of course we'd have sex on the reg".

Idk why a lot of the men here take being relationship material as some kind of insult. Isn't it clear that the women is choosing you over them?

Whoreasaurus_Rex · 2024-11-28T01:08:12+00:00

Man I want to hook up with = attractive

Man I want to be in an LTR with = attractive + compatible

Fin.

ThatBitchA · 2024-11-28T01:07:27+00:00

Some dudes I just wanted to have sex with.

Some dudes I wanted to have sex and spend time with.

Some dudes I wanted to be friends with.

Some dudes I ignored and rejected.

That's life. Shouldn't be that shocking.

Demasii · 2024-11-28T00:46:09+00:00

Below is a quote from Sigmund Freud.

"Where such men love they have no desire and where they desire they cannot love."

I think some women have their own Maddona/Whore complex. They can't feel loved and be sexual at the same time. Sex is a disgrading act that one should feel ashamed of and there is no place for that in a relationship or marriage.

PradaAndPunishment · 2024-11-28T01:05:08+00:00

The same way I feel about men putting women into the two groups of “madonna” and “whore.”

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-11-28T12:12:00+00:00

From an attractiveness standpoint - they’re the same. Women aren’t going to marry men they don’t want to fuck.

It’s their personality that distinguishes whether they’re fun for now or fun forever.

Attractive but not compatible - fun for now

Attractive and compatible - fun forever

thatskappa · 2024-11-28T00:55:15+00:00

I really don't think the categories are as neat and clear-cut as some make it out to be.

I'm waiting for marriage, but do know women who have had casual sex, particularly from college. Dudes could actually get hookup-zoned by not meeting their looks standards but having really good WOM in terms of bedroom skills. Or assets that might not be readily apparent with clothes on. The idea that mega hot guys are the only ones getting hookups while the ugly betas get relationships isn't accurate.

MissJeje · 2024-11-28T03:28:49+00:00

If anything I’m more attracted to husband/material types because I am attracted to their personality as well as their looks. It’s not an either or situation when you get married to someone where either you hook up with a hot guy and it be casual or you get married to someone ugly but safe. Like no, I refuse to settle. I will only marry someone kind AND hot lol

Routine-Present-3676 · 2024-11-28T00:37:19+00:00

I don't know a single woman that is looking for a man that she's not sexually attracted to, so I can't imagine why being husband material would make you feel unattractive. If anything you should feel more attractive.

RoseyButterflies · 2024-11-28T15:24:07+00:00

I don't think the two are necessarily mutually exclusive.

Because I would of hooked up with my partner

AdjectiveMcNoun · 2024-11-29T13:51:14+00:00

My husband is a fantastic partner AND he's incredibly attractive.

I didn't hookup with people I wasn't in a relationship with, I never had a ONS. So I only had one category.

nemma88 · 2024-11-28T00:43:15+00:00

There's people I would date and a whole one person I'd have had sex with and not date. The only difference between them is I didn't think the latter guy was compatible in that way.

'Women' is a rather large group. We don't all think the same, and while I'm sure there's women categorising men like the manosphere fears, it's not common enough that I've seen it among my friends.

They're not getting into relationships with men they're not attracted to; because that would suck for them too. No one wants to be miserable.

ConstantCode8637 · 2024-11-28T00:58:51+00:00

Yes. I've done it. I typically had lower standards for guys who were casual sex options, i.e at least somewhat physically attractive.

When it comes to husband material, I have higher standards, i.e respectful, gentleman, good in bed/values my sexual needs, romantic, loyal, trustworthy, handsome, funny, dedicated and strong.

That's why I don't understand why men think the guys we fuck are chads and men whom don't want us, but we want them, then settle for a "beta male" as a safe option.

serpensmercurialis · 2024-11-28T02:50:41+00:00

I think this is pretty obviously a projection of the madonna/whore complex.

mashedturnip · 2024-11-28T04:28:51+00:00

I think it’s fair because men do the same thing

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2024-11-30T09:33:00+00:00

I talk to every new person with the intention of getting to know them in a more serious way. Sometimes there are compatibility issues, but we have chemistry and I know they can at least be a caring friend. When that happens, I tend to keep them around (with their full knowledge of course) and play with them online occasionally. Now that I think about it, I actually get the most out of those relationships, emotionally. They're the sweetest guys who either live far away, are ENM, or just aren't ready for a relationship.

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-11-30T13:57:06+00:00

I wouldn’t want something serious with a guy I wasn’t attracted to and wouldn’t want something casual with a guy who was an asshole. For me, “hookups” were just dating relationships that never got off the ground for whatever reason, and serious relationships were just casual relationships that ended up going further. That’s usually how it works, because most women aren’t pursuing exclusively casual sex nor immediately locking onto a guy like “this one needs to be my husband.”

CherryPieAlibi · 2024-12-05T03:10:37+00:00

I think men try too hard to apply their own rationale to women’s. I’ve only ever seen this in the reverse: men have women they take home to momma and women they make leave through the back.

Most women are not looking for hookups and one night stands. And I think a lot of men in the subreddit prove this when they assert that they can’t get sex and women are too stingy with our bodies

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-11-28T04:22:47+00:00

in my experience guy i didn't want an LTR with after great sex were simply embarrassing in some way...like I didn't want my friends and family to know. guys I caught feelings for were both great in bed and presentable

flipsidetroll · 2024-11-28T10:59:58+00:00

This is an interesting one. Men here love to bleat about how “marriage material” is an insult. HOWEVER, I’ve been paying close attention to every time a woman has phrased a question about when men don’t view them as marriage material. And every time, the men have said something derogatory to imply she’s only worth casual or ONS material. Which means that they themselves don’t view marriage material as an insult, that casual is actually the insult. Seems they constantly contradict themselves.

y2kjanelle · 2024-11-28T01:05:21+00:00

I feel like it's normal and effective behavior if done correctly. As women we are taught to always put more effort, to make things work, to see past flaws, to wait for potential. men don't have to do that. They feel no pressure to do that, to have to consider everything and everyone else when they are just not interested or not compatible.

I think it's great as a woman to be able to say "hey, this person is not what I am looking for in x kind of relationship. But if we are on the same page, we can still enjoy time together. I am not going to wait for things to magically happen, or bank on potential, or try to change this person or see past things I don't want to see past. We can either agree on something that works for both of us or we can move on to find someone else who fits us better".

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-11-28T04:23:09+00:00

in my experience guy i didn't want an LTR with after great sex were simply embarrassing in some way...like I didn't want my friends and family to know. guys I caught feelings for were both great in bed and presentable

MoshiMoshi78 · 2024-11-28T17:00:24+00:00

All my relationships started as hookups so...... win win 😂

And the guys I only wanted to hookup with were incompatible to me in some ways. Nothing more to that really.

And nope, I didn't "make anyone wait" and the guys I had LTR's with were super hot. I only ever have sex with super hot guys (or rather guys I find super hot).

I would even say that, from a purely sexual perspective, my standards are way higher for a LTR. After all, if I'm expecting to only have sex with that person for the rest of my life, he better fuck good.

For example, I would not accept a LTR with someone who wasn't kinky in any way but I did have FWB's who were entirely vanilla. And the reason I didn't want anything more with those guys was exactly that: the prospect of having sex with only them forever was unappealling. So I demoted them to casual sex only.

But, in saying that, PPD is a bubble where funnily enough all the women with "CHADS" come here and kinda gloat. The reality is, many people do settle and the fears/anxieties of the men here are warrented. The problem is, you guys are letting this fears run rampant. What you should do, is internalize the red pill leasons and look for signs she's actually into you and has genuine desire for you. You will know, trust me. And yes, they will fuck you early in most cases. The 3 date rule (aka if she doesn't fuck you in 3 dates, drop her immediately) really does apply in the vast majority of modern relationships so you should be good. And most of the time you will probably fuck each other before the 3rd date as well 😂😂.

So chill out, don't take this subreddit seriously, go out, date, fuck and enjoy.

CauliflowerElegant76 · 2024-11-28T17:38:20+00:00

Not every woman wants hookups or ONS. I've never put a guy in this category bc I would never do that kind of stuff... He's either husband material or he doesn't exist for me. A guy needs to be my long-term partner before he even gets a chance to get in the same bed or be alone with me.

Other women are open to hookups. We're not monolith.

JadeGrapes · 2024-11-28T18:24:06+00:00

Thats not really a thing in real life.

It's not that most women put them in "fun zone or "more zone" - it's really much more that women sort THEMSELVES into "looking for fun" or "looking for love" at a particular time.

It's not like "Abbbbbbs" and suddenly "fun zone" until you decide to find someone worth marrying. Mentally healthy women know any time you have sex with someone you are risking yourself and your future... so we can't afford to NOT to be somewhat choosy

I get that is the fear guys have (and dating coaches exploit)... but there isn't that hot stud vs good provider divide for most mature women...

I suspect guys may have a more clear sorting they apply to women "Hot and sane enough to bone" versus "I could see having kids with her someday"

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