If a guy wants NSA sex he has to go to where NSA sex is

MongoBobalossus · 2025-03-31T12:49:51+00:00

So the TL;DR is be gay, attractive, or hit up prostitutes lol

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-03-31T16:02:45+00:00

So, as someone who’s had casual sex from dating apps:

Only maybe once or twice has a girl agreed to casual sex before meeting. That may be the way it works with Grindr or sex workers, but that’s not how women work.

No girl is down for casual sex.. it has to “just happen”

You match, you make her laugh, you ask her to meet up, you get a light dinner or drinks (or both), you make her laugh, you come up with a BS reason for her to come to your place, you make her laugh, you go for a kiss.

And usually if you’ve gotten that far, she’ll start sucking your face off and then you carry her to your bedroom.

Of course it doesn’t always go that way but that’s how it goes. This works regardless of what they put they’re “looking for” (dumbest question ever btw) or even if they put “no hookups” in their profile. “No hookups” = stop asking me for a hookup, meet me and I’ll see how I feel.

If you’re trying to get a girl to agree to any kind of sexual activity before she’s met you (or even on the first date), you’re going to have a bad time. It has to “just happen”

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-03-31T15:33:24+00:00

As long as there’s a nonzero chance for NSA sex, men will flock to it

Teflon08191 · 2025-03-31T13:13:44+00:00

So become attractive enough that you can pull off number 4, maybe with the help of a little bit of plausible deniability and vagueness of intent?

Yeah, that's more or less the gist of TRP.

Note, I did not say "red pill men".

Present-Afternoon-70 · 2025-03-31T12:54:43+00:00

I fully support sex work, but when I read stuff like this I have to ask: are your standards not meeting your ability? So many times when I see men complaining about these types of things the answer is the same as what some men yell at women who talk about only dating men way outside of their ability. Know your actual market value, you're not going to even meet a Victoria Secret model for this hyperbole example. Find girls who are roughly at your level and have the same goals. Most people dont want NSA style relationships, but they do exist. It's like how people think orgies have these porn star level people (that happens) but the majority of them are filled with people who are normal. Just have more realistic standards.

aslfingerspell · 2025-03-31T15:06:17+00:00

some niche kink community lol

A vanilla wrote this, because I can tell you the kink community is even more standoffish and averse to casual sex than the mainstream.

Even creepier behavior from some men. Lots of men think "kink" means "low standards", or "will do whatever I say", without establishing a dynamic first.
Even more transactional behavior from some women. People will demand money for you to even message them.
FetLife, the largest online space for kink, is more of a community event posting space than a dating app, and explicitly designed to make it harder to filter people by orientation, age, location, etc.

DopeAFjknotreally · 2025-03-31T13:52:46+00:00

Men: I want NSA sex

Also men: women who have NSA sex are whores

DrunkOnRamen · 2025-03-31T15:51:07+00:00

funding sugar babies

as someone who has actually engaged in this, you are completely wrong. nowadays sugar dating for men is as difficult as any other kind of dating. most women in america who engage in sugar dating are as delusional as elsewhere.

there are so many obese women that take weird photos in dirty public bathrooms with toilet paper strewn everywhere it is insane. conversations with these women make conversation with highly autistic men look normal comparatively.

KhadgarIsaDreadlord · 2025-03-31T12:52:33+00:00

If you think women don't use Tinder for hookups then you are completely out of touch.

upalse · 2025-03-31T14:57:37+00:00

You're forgetting the all time banger

let em believe what they want to believe, aka leading em on and lying

You'd be surprised how many women give you the rope to hang themselves with. For some reason they're death afraid to push with "what are we" early on.

violet4everr · 2025-03-31T13:19:40+00:00

Why are people arguing with you, is it because you are a woman saying this? Feel like I see this sentiment expressed all the time, and I think you are mostly correct.

RahLyt · 2025-03-31T16:46:46+00:00

I'm not sure what's there to debate?!

Are women dtf as men? No.

Are there women on the apps dtf? Absolutely

You're talking like having sex on the first date is not a regular thing.

BrainMarshal · 2025-03-31T18:01:35+00:00

WTF is so big and important about NSA sex? Speaking as a man.

Conscious-Truth-7685 · 2025-04-01T02:09:16+00:00

The vast majority of my one night stands, fwbs, str/ltr relationships, and finally marriage, came from Tinder. Sincerely, an average ass dude with an average ass government job.

Able-Finish7013 · 2025-04-01T03:40:08+00:00

If I want easy NSA sex I go on Tinder or some other dating app. If I don't want to use an app I've got a couple of girls I can reach out to who are fwbs. I met them on Tinder and in a nightclub. The effort or difficulty is subjective, if it's hard to exist for you then it's probably hard to get NSA sex.

AhmadMansoot · 2025-03-31T12:57:06+00:00

Tinder works perfectly fine for physically attractive guys. They get enough matches and dates to have NSA sex with a different woman every week. Tinder is literally THE NSA hookup app for heterosexual people and most women who want NSA hookups go on Tinder to get that

Dry-Recognition8077 · 2025-03-31T12:57:34+00:00

Even though tinder is used as a nsa/casual encounter app. It wasn’t created to be the straight version Grindr.

Its pretty obvious the issues that an app that shows other peoples locations arent going to work well in most communities. But it would still turn out like tinder regardless because I still do agree with the point of average dudes aren’t getting nsa easy, and most women wouldn’t feel safe on an app like that.

mobjack · 2025-03-31T13:38:02+00:00

It is not that hard to get sex by the third date. In the process, you could get lucky and have sex earlier.

I would rather do that than deal with prostitutes and sugar babies.

Kreeps_United · 2025-03-31T14:40:28+00:00

What happened to craigslist? People were hooking up there with strangers all the time.

PB-French-Toast-9641 · 2025-03-31T15:05:33+00:00

being ~~very~~ passably attractive probably to ppl with beer goggles whilst around loosey/drunk/high women during last call, a rave, house party, a festival, or some niche kink community lol

NockerJoe · 2025-03-31T21:58:37+00:00

One thing I've noticed over time is the number of people absolutely unwilling to take Option 4.

Not just like, for casual sex, but people complain pretty heavily about bland looking dudes going to subculture events looking for their future Goth GF without bothering to wear so much as a black sweater themselves. I've also picked up this weird vibe shift in some sexual subculture or kink spaces where there are a lot of people who clearly just want wholesome romance more than anything else and aren't really comfortable with anything else.

I think the actual reality is society is pushing young men to be high inhibition, less culturally loose, and more buttoned up. They drink less than either older generations of men did or the women in their demographics. I see them much more rarely at local gigs. Once you get to the part of it that involves actual community like indie art circles or certain venues men just don't really show up to the same degree.

When you really boil it down even guys like Andrew Tate or other manosphere influencers are mostly just offering mainstream success at things men think are obviously impressive or successful looking.

asdf333aza · 2025-03-31T22:59:58+00:00

Tinder when it was first released actually used to be good for NSA hook up. In the early to mid 2010s, it definitely worked as intended. Especially if you were in college towns during those days. Tinder used to give out like 200 swipes a day and there was no premium or any paid subscription crap. No weirdo algorithm. It used to actually work for hooking up.

Somewhere along the path, it changed and became filled with advertisements, couples looking for unicorns, bots, singles moms, undesirables, foodie calls and scammers.

mrfoozywooj · 2025-04-01T00:49:00+00:00

I dont think tinder was ever meant to be Grindr, Grindr just had a neat new format (The swipe system) and geolocation which existing dating apps didnt have, Tinder just copied that.

man-frustrated · 2025-04-01T01:31:55+00:00

If you can't get NSA sex off an app then women don't find you attractive.

Proudvow · 2025-04-01T14:40:49+00:00

That's all well and good but if it's so rare how are so many of us dudes failing to encounter women who never did casual?

Simultaneously casual never happens yet almost every encounterable single woman has tried it. It barely adds up.

The circumstances of the thread were fine back when casual was just rare in general. Now it doesn't seem so rare, yet it's still just as as inaccessible to most dudes lol.

Puzzleheaded_ghost · 2025-04-02T04:25:46+00:00

No strings attatched... The forbidden fruit hides maggots.

If you work with the public you will recognize quick how stupid it is to fuck a stranger. Dont do it.

Sholnufff · 2025-04-07T02:24:53+00:00

Somewhat true.

Women will want the last 🍆 standing if they get horny and you just happen to be at the right place, right time and dont say any dumb 💩. That happened me on a New Years Eve (which turned out to be the worst sex I've ever had) as well as a few other times where the sex was great (1 was graduating with her Doctorate in Economics).

That said, I got a buddy that is 6'9 and gets more looks and for that matter booty than a toilet seat. I got a friend that is 5'4 that can pull women because he dresses fly, works the phoque out and got game.

You gotta learn to finesse and be smooth.

mostobviousmoney · 2025-04-07T12:40:11+00:00

Incredibly real post 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-03-31T12:59:48+00:00

I think dating apps work well enough for easy NSA sex, as long as she doesn't know it's NSA sex. (being attractive/being an attractive relationship candidate is still required though.) The frequency of NSA sex can be higher than what you would get from raves/house parties/etc.

Jake0024 · 2025-03-31T15:58:33+00:00

This is quite silly. Tinder is broadly known as a hookup app because of how common it is for a Tinder date to turn into a ONS. If that was as one-sided as you're suggesting, women would have stopped using it a decade ago.

Sure, it might not be as easy as Grindr, but the idea that men only get NSA sex from prostitutes is... just not born out by reality

Anecdotally, I deleted dating apps from my phone maybe 6 months ago. I'm not particularly attractive (probably below average). In that time I've had 4 women message me for a date or a hookup (one specifically said NSA). I've been seeing someone so I turned them down, but the idea that I'd have to go to a prostitute or Grindr for sex is... just wild lol

Literally just have female friends, you don't even have to be outgoing or extraverted. All you have to do is make friends with women. If you try to fuck every woman you meet and stop talking to them if they say no, it's not gonna work out. If you make friends with lots of women and never try to fuck them, some of them will eventually ask you out, or introduce you to their friends, etc. It's not hard.

qtiphead_ · 2025-03-31T14:47:20+00:00

This is cope, you don’t have to be a 9/10 to get laid on dating apps, just be 6/10 or more and interesting

wtknight · 2025-03-31T15:49:25+00:00

I disagree in that, if the man is attractive enough, he can find NSA sex through tinder. Those women who want NSA sex are out there. But few men are physically and socially attractive enough to do this.

The big problem is that men often think that they are, and when they realize they aren’t, then they get all misogynist and start hating women when really they should just be going to the places and doing the things that might help them find NSA sex, as you suggest.

GreatSmashPlayer · 2025-03-31T16:11:22+00:00

Women on dating apps will readily have NSA sex with Chad. The top 5-10% of men have no problem going on Tinder and getting NSA sex from women.

TigerBiting_A_Katana · 2025-03-31T17:51:40+00:00

Great points actually. Some men here actually have some weird standard where if a girl doesn’t want to sleep with you immediately (and I mean like within a few minutes to an hour of meeting you) she is settling for you and will cheat on you with “Chad.” So stupid and out of touch.

lostacoshermanos · 2025-03-31T18:54:28+00:00

What’s NSA? Is that sex in outer space? I think you forgot the other A for NASA

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nefnaf · 2025-03-31T14:10:17+00:00

Can't agree with this. I've downloaded Tinder, made a low effort profile and been in bed with a girl within a day. She messaged me first. We were both looking for more than a hookup but sometimes that's how things start off.

Sure Grindr might be more of a "sure bet" but Tinder also works for this purpose, at least some of the time

MarioWilson122 · 2025-03-31T16:25:07+00:00

Naw it works like grindr aslong as your attractive but theres probably not a way to make a app for average straight guys to get laid easily.

chungusenjoyer69420 · 2025-03-31T16:28:29+00:00

I don't think I'm extremely attractive, but I've only been able to get NSA sex from tinder as a guy, I've never been in a relationship or been on a second date, even though that's what I'm looking for, so I don't know if what you're saying is true.

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2025-03-31T17:01:47+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Panthera_spelaea · 2025-03-31T17:02:20+00:00

National security agency? I mean they probably grope people for sure.

Shoddy-Cherry-490 · 2025-03-31T17:12:33+00:00

Has the original poster ever had NSA sex? It seems like they have not.

The number 1 rule is not pushing women for casual sex. For the vast majority of women, that is the number 1 red flag. So the less you push, the more you are likely to actually get it.

Tylikcat · 2025-03-31T18:50:42+00:00

That last point is a little incomplete, I think. There are events where spirits run high (and that may involve mind altering chemicals) and then there is a gradient of events where there's a lot less drink and drugs (though maybe not none) but where women tend to feel relaxed and free to have NSA sex because they feel safe there.

I think some of the kink community stuff is more towards that latter (but it depends on the events). But I'd add a lot of SFF conventions, SCA, and other in-group type events. Part of that sense of safety is because there is at least a sense of social vetting. (I'd say it's not a particularly strong vetting, but people often feel like they've found their people and they can let their hair down.)

But this is where subculture social stuff is most important - because your chances go way down if it's clear you don't fit in. You're going to do best if you can find a scene that aligns with an interest. Say... so gaming cons aren't probably going to have the best gender ratios. But SFF cons often have gaming tracks (mind you, it was mostly TTRPG stuff last time I was there). Go there, make some actual friends, and check out the scene. Go to the dances. Go to some parties.

mtrukproton · 2025-03-31T19:16:04+00:00

People in heterosexual dynamics still do it though

ppzhao · 2025-03-31T21:17:02+00:00

<<Men and women are different.>>

Was that the whole point? Cuz nobody is refuting that.

<< say that all to say, most dudes in history have never gotten easy NSA sex outside of these avenues:>>

Most lottery players don't win the lottery, people still play for the chance. Why be such a Debbie Downer?

py234567 · 2025-03-31T21:33:14+00:00

Thanking god it took me a solid minute to figure out what NSA stood for now I’m not chronically online anymore

Blue__Ronin · 2025-03-31T22:43:21+00:00

tf is nsa?

petellapain · 2025-04-03T18:28:29+00:00

P4p is actually part of a perfect and balanced lifestyle after you get past the social stigma

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2025-03-31T16:28:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Fichek · 2025-03-31T14:04:20+00:00

He can also lie.

ogskatepunkdaddy · 2025-03-31T16:37:55+00:00

As a bi guy, I have no problem with any of this.

Just waiting for the rest of my bros to let themselves loose.

Once again, the Greeks had it right. Women are for babies, guys are for fun.

Title	If a guy wants NSA sex he has to go to where NSA sex is
Author	GridReXX
Upvotes	79
Comments	379
Date	March 31, 2025 12:40 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1jo27o2/if_a_guy_wants_nsa_sex_he_has_to_go_to_where_nsa/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-a-guy-wants-nsa-sex-he-has-to-go-to-where-nsa.1548195 https://theredarchive.com/post/1548195

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