In the spirit of the holidays... What is the most OTT gift you gave to a man who absolutely did not deserve it?

Samvanderkamp123 · 2020-12-23T16:45:07+00:00

Y’all are amateurs.

Dental implants.

🤡 🤡 🤡

Did this the first year we were married. Because he said he had this rare gum disease. Of course that was bs, he just didn’t floss.

He and his new teeth had a grand old time running around cheating on me.

This was 16 years ago and because I bought the best, the teeth are still going strong.

jayda92 · 2020-12-23T16:46:00+00:00

My parents and me gifted my xbf a really luxurious toolkit (€800). We wanted to gift him something really nice since I was pregnant (unplanned) and I was very emotional and unsure. He said he would stay with me whatever I'd choose. That he would support me.

Fast forward to new years day: he got a hold of abortion pills (which I declined) forced me to take them and two days later when I started bleeding, he dropped me off at my apartment and practically left me for dead.

He gifted me a balloon fare. Which I never got.

I hate Christmas and New Year since that time. I wish it would be January already.

Edit; I got a lot of heartwarming private massages, thank you all! It feels kinda weird around this time of year but... I'm levelling up so quick! I'm extremely blessed: engaged, got back to school, bought a house made new friends. I'm a lucky girl. And I couldn't have done it without FDS ❤️ The best revenge is living well.

burpleseaurchin · 2020-12-23T16:43:40+00:00

My ex is British and talked about how much he missed home all the time. He’s from a really small town and I found an antique map of his home town from 1885 on Etsy. It was only 20$ but I got it framed which cost 130$. Throughout the relationship I would buy British candies when I saw them. I’d order Quality Street or Cadbury chocolates from an importer as a treat. I made him a Christmas cake which involved pouring Brandy into a cake for 8 weeks. Last year I bought us tickets to see John Oliver do stand up for Xmas and a new type of whiskey I thought he’d really like. He was a fancy watch collector and for Valentine’s Day this year I bought him a Nomos pocket sundial calibrated to London’s latitude.

When I broke up with him he told me how selfish and oblivious I was to give him all these gifts that reminded him of England. And how much he resented me for it because why would he want to be reminded of something that made him so sad. Mother effer. I wish I had the ~$1500 back. I could buy a set of Agent Provocateur lingerie and Louboutin heels.

ETA: thanks for commenting he’s a jerk!! He was very narcissistic and had no problem telling me I was self-centered or selfish. To this day, even though I logically know he’s projecting and that he was the selfish one, there’s still a tiny voice in my head that says “well maybe you could have been better or listened more or whatever.” It’s nice to be validated and helps me remind myself that it wasn’t me, it was him.

myousername · 2020-12-23T18:38:05+00:00

Not me personally but I have a cousin who donated her kidney to her husband who, unbeknownst to her, had been cheating on her the entire marriage.

GettingOffTheCrazy · 2020-12-23T16:33:08+00:00

Oh this is a fun poll. Right after my ex husband split up after 20 years - we still did Christmas together because of the kids. I bought him several thoughtful gifts - espresso maker, a really nice beer growler, some cool hipster clothes. He gave me - a dish towel. Ready for it - a dish towel from a family vacation I was not invited to. I took said dish towel and cleaned the toilet with it. 😆

Sashamorningmidnight · 2020-12-23T20:33:26+00:00

I spent around £700 on my boyfriends birthday. I paid for a 5 star hotel with sauna and a massage for both of us. Arranged for dinner to be served in our room. His favourite, steak and chips (I'm a pescatarian) and his favourite bottle of red wine. Also brought £150 lingerie, snacks, weed for me and a bottle of wine for him. We had a good day but he was pressurising me to get to the sex part so dinner was quick instead of the envisaged romantic evening.

We had sex, he came quickly because I looked, 'soo good'! He then got totally drunk, berated me for smoking weed and fell asleep on the sofa.

My birthday was two weeks later. He said he had been 'too busy at work' to plan anything. Took me to Pizza Express, complained when I ordered the chocolate fudge cake with ice cream, because I should, 'not get complacent about being slim'. I was severely underweight at the time as had been sick and in hospital. Of course he didn't buy me a present or a card.

I just got an email to say some vintage red shoes I've wanted for years are finally available in my size. I remember showing them to this boyfriend and he said they were, 'too expensive for a woman like you'. They cost around £160.

Fellow Queens, I just placed the order for the red shoes.

la_bel_iconnu · 2020-12-23T19:09:06+00:00

It's peanuts compared to some of the gifts that ladies are detailing here, but I once spent about $400 on a leather jacket for a guy I dated when I was about 21. We'd only been dating a few months, but when he was knocked off his motorcycle by a drunk driver and got his jacket absolutely shredded, I felt bad and decided to get him a replacement. He was thrilled, said it was the best gift he'd ever received.

About a week and a half later, we met up and he was wearing an old, crappy leather jacket instead of the new one. I asked what was up and he said that his friend had spilled some paint on it and he was having it professionally cleaned and had loaned him an old one. Ok, sucks, but at least your friend is making it right. A week after that and he quit answering my calls. This was pre smart phones and facebook, so I ended up going to the place he worked. He wasn't there, but a friend of his was who helpfully filled me in on some details.

Mfer had a heroin problem and my dumb ass didn't catch on because I had no previous exposure to heroin addicts and he was apparently very careful about only getting high when I wasn't around and picking inconspicuous places on his body to inject. He'd sold the jacket I gave him and gone on a bender and was now in the hospital after OD'ing. I lost his number and went to get myself tested. Still feel super dumb about it all some days.

threedotlove · 2020-12-23T14:59:24+00:00

Over the course of my last relationship with a complete narc (and the relationship that led me to find FDS), I bought him: $600 worth of custom cigar-related items, $600 racetrack drive in a Ferrari, $120 bottle of whiskey, $100 custom made pen for his work, $250 worth of airsoft items for his birthday during COVID so we could mock shoot each other in the woods, was saving up $7000 for a deluxe all-expenses paid trip to France for him to see the 24 Hours at Le Mans with a full VIP treatment (luckily he dropped me before this and I spent the money on a motorcycle for myself instead), and I spent probably upwards of thousands of dollars on changing my wardrobe for him, buying lingerie for him, treating him to food, sending him cute & thoughtful gifts, sending him food when he was hungover (which was often since he was an alcoholic), taking care of him when he was sick, etc. etc. etc. The list goes on.

I would say I am ashamed, but honestly, it was a huge learning experience. Never again. I know better now. Thanks FDS.

Magnolia05 · 2020-12-23T19:06:16+00:00

For his 40th bday, A package of actual flying lessons, since he would come home and play a simulator game every evening. He never even went.

I was planning on buying him a beer fridge that looked like a Marshall amp that was about $600 for Xmas that year, but decided to put that money towards the deposit on a condo rental near the beach so I could leave him instead.

azureangel35 · 2020-12-23T15:10:02+00:00

I always lavished my LVM ex with thoughtful and pricey gifts. This is my first single year in over a decade. I bought myself a gorgeous ring and a tank top that says: stop breaking yourself down into bite sized pieces/stay whole and let them choke. #queenattitudeftw

Novemberinthechair · 2020-12-23T15:00:18+00:00

I bought this individual pair of shoes the I couldn't even afford to wear myself at the time. It was for his birthday. This LVM offered to give me one of his old musty hoodies and (I kid you not) "a piece of [his] hair" for my birthday. I think it was supposed to be romantic? Nonetheless, I didn't end up recieving anything from him because he was a cheap bum.

ManchurianCantaloupe · 2020-12-23T15:20:10+00:00

[deleted]

howdoilogoutt · 2020-12-23T16:35:09+00:00

I bought a guy a music box playing the song from one of his fave animes, and also a bottle of Rum Zacapa which was £100. He dumped me before I could give them to him luckily!

Pasdepromesses · 2020-12-23T15:06:02+00:00

A week in Barcelona in a very fancy hotel and a week in Valencia. Like, 10 days in total. He only bought his own planeticket I paid everything else (>2K). The hotels, all the restaurant bills, tickets to a Camp Nou tour (football stadium), the Sagrada Familia, cocktails at the W Hotel sky lounge, entrance tickets and beds at the Beach Club and a souvenir for his mom. I wish I was on my mobile phone because a clown emoji is well deserved.

Edit: also paid for my own plane tickets.

Edit2: now I see it listed like that, it was probably way more. This really pains me because I was struggling myself at that time and he had a lot more spending money. This was the only guy I dated that did not 'provide' and I cut him some slack because he was 8 years younger than me. Never again.

cantstopthemachine77 · 2020-12-23T17:03:37+00:00

I actually learned this lesson early, with my first real life boyfriend (opposed to the internet one I had prior lmao), who I approached and asked out 🤡 when I was in 8th grade. I was so excited to have a boyfriend that a month into the “relationship” (which mostly consisted of me sitting next to him at lunch) when sweetest day was still weeks in advance, I went to Spencer’s gifts and spent $50 (a lot for a 13 year old with no job) on various items that fit his whole goth boy aesthetic that I found so “totally hawt”. I remember a few of the things, a bike chain necklace, some of those early 2000s wrist sweatbands that were popular with the punk/goth/skater crowd at the time, one with the anarchy symbol another with “invader zim” (y’all remember that show?) and some other stuff.

I was super excited to give him these gifts, to have a boyfriend to give gifts to, hoping to receive one in return no matter how tiny or cheap, giddily showing them to my mom. Luckily, she gently warned me that he probably wasn’t going to get me anything. I didn’t want to believe her, but deep down I knew she was probably right so I took the presents to school on the day of, but decided I would wait to see if he had gotten me anything first before giving them to him.

Lo and behold, nothing, not even an acknowledgement of the day (which, yea, duh. 13 year old boys don’t give af about no damn “sweetest day”) so I didn’t give them to him and ended up just keeping them, but I still felt so embarrassed for myself having gotten so excited over it and gone through the effort, expense, and anticipation in the first place. I vowed that I would never let myself be such a fool like that again. Which I did stick to as far as gifts, but still had plenty of pickmeisha-esque mistakes yet to make.

-pop-fizz-clink · 2020-12-23T16:11:34+00:00

a snapon tool box worth $500
new golf club set $1200

For me?

Horse brushes. (am retired equestrian now, but the pack he got was worth $50. He made 300k a year and spoiled his kids (my step kids🙃) like crazy. Me and the dogs were always last on the list)

Another guy got a photoshoot for him and his kids, a antique yearbook for Berkley where he went to school which was exactly 100 year prior to his year of birth, custom leather coasters monogrammed from a company where he gets his special Carpenter harness thingie for all his tools. They actually made them special for me and I was charged heavily for this.

Never fkn again. Never.

allieisawkward · 2020-12-23T16:13:08+00:00

Lol, time.

YgirlYB · 2020-12-23T14:52:19+00:00

A $175 special edition of the catcher in the rye( 🚩) which he said was his favourite book.

This was after he got me a similar gift, a hardcover early edition of my favourite book. I don’t understand why he went out of his way to get me a special gift like that, not even for Christmas or birthday, but could discard me so easily, saying I “should have known” he wasn’t looking for something serious. Really fucking broke me

slothsomesauce · 2020-12-23T15:18:20+00:00

I paid $600 for 12 different dates, one to do each month of the next year. Each date had a handwritten letter as to why I chose it, included dinner and an activity. Bought an instax camera to take and print pics on the date and a photo album/journal combo to make a scrapbook of our adventures.

We broke up 3 months later.

You better believe I took that shit back! 9 months of prepaid adventures to do alone? Yes please!

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2020-12-23T19:15:25+00:00

I narrowly dodged this one. One of my exes had spoken several times about a favorite childhood toy that had been lost over the years. I had found one online for about $120. I was just about to buy it when a friend called, and she asked what the hell I was thinking, and told me not to dare buy it.

I decided to sit on that plan for a while, and get him some cheap little things. He got me nothing, of course.

misszazie · 2020-12-23T15:01:40+00:00

My prime

But fr, definitely the all expenses paid for a trip to Cancun. We were in a LDR at that point and for xmas I paid for his and my family to meet there as well, hoping we'd also turn a corner towards marriage.

Broken up 6 months later due to infidelity

eluriaeve · 2020-12-23T18:19:27+00:00

I gave one of my exes a brand new, pretty nice laptop a few years ago (I believe it cost me around $600) because he wanted to use it to start writing a novel or something. A couple of weeks later he slept with one of my best friends, and I found that out from her long term boyfriend. They dated for years after that. 🤡

foxorhedgehog · 2020-12-23T14:50:58+00:00

I bought my LVM ex form years ago a beautiful expensive wool sweater; his reaction was to complain that it itched. Never again.

crazycatbeach · 2020-12-23T16:04:12+00:00

Among many other things, the icing on the cake was an expensive commissioned painting of his beloved dog who was older and in failing health. He cried when he opened the painting because it was such a perfect likeness of his dog. He "got" me tickets to see Trevor Noah (at the last minute, it was just written in a card). When he ghosted me on New Year's day to go on a (previously planned but never told me about) snowboarding trip with his friends for a week, I ended it over text because I was completely disgusted and he refused to speak to me. I didn't hear from him again until the day before the Trevor Noah show, 2 months later. This 40 year old clown showed up at my door with the tickets fully believing we were going to go together (the show was in a city 2 hrs away), after not speaking since he left for snowboarding! Took the tickets with him when I showed him the door, and had the audacity to call the next morning to "make sure I didn't want the tickets to take someone else." I told him he had made sure that wasn't possible by never physically giving them to me, and that he had never intended them for me, so I had no interest anymore. This was after 4 years together (on and off, of course) and I finally had had enough. I think being single truly is the way, ladies!!! 🤣 I mean, unless Trevor Noah wants a date . . . Lol jk!

HolyIsTheLord · 2020-12-23T15:50:56+00:00

I'm 41 now but when I was 17 I bought my very first boyfriend over $500 in dishes for his new apartment. They were quality dishes from a department store - not anything cheap like Wal-Mart. Drained my entire poor teenage bank account to do it.

He didn't even say thank you.

Dated him for four years and only ever got one present from him one Christmas.

We'd go out for my birthday dinner and I'd pay.

Good times!

No regrets though - I learned SO MUCH from that relationship and to this day I take no shit from men. There is so much truth in the older predators going after young women because they are easier to take advantage of. I was SO NAIVE and meek. Now I'm a total ruthless banshee and will never change.

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2020-12-23T16:06:46+00:00

Hmm... probably the gift of my emotional and life skills therapy.

If I had to quantify how many hours of behavioral and occupational therapy I put into a few LVM, it would thousands and thousands of dollars of professional services.

All for nothing.

Learn from my mistakes, ladies. Your job is not to raise him - that was his father's job.

entpgirl415 · 2020-12-23T22:20:48+00:00

Reading all that you amazing ladies did for your ex’s make me wish I was into women so I could date one of you!! You’re all great so keep doing what you’re doing! I’ve never went through this bc I was lucky enough to have one ex (who is an NVM) and we dated for 2 months before I couldn’t take him anymore, no major celebrations happened then lol

gothicctemptress · 2020-12-23T16:49:06+00:00

A whole bunch of stuff for going to college because he "didn't have enough money" for stationery. But other than that, a scanner and a leather sterling silver engraved bracelet from John Lewis(about £40 each) on separate consecutive birthdays.

reinventingme2020 · 2020-12-23T17:56:57+00:00

I brought my narcissist ex husband real nice ass name brand suits. I upgraded his entire wardrobe and he ended up wearing those b*tches while he cheated on me with other women. I felt like a damn fool lol so much so I won't buy no man no clothes ever again unless it's my son lol but I'm with you. Ever since the divorce, I've been spoiling TF outta me and loving it!

frustratedmarxistfem · 2020-12-23T16:09:01+00:00

I bought my baby father a ps4 when they came out. He bought me a knock off chanel purse someone was selling on the corner. 🙄

Bought my other ex something silly for valentine's day. Some shot glasses with a favorite tv show on them that were really hard to find(old, not popular show) just to be thoughtful. He handed me some old candy from his room. Whenever you think you didnt try hard enough, they still do even worse 😂

Lemon_bars_addiction · 2020-12-23T16:03:44+00:00

I used my Christmas bonus to buy my NVM ex a whole new wardrobe, including his favorite cologne that had to be ordered weeks in advance. The asshole opened everything without me and bought me NOTHING. I made the mistake of letting him leave to get somthing I needed and he ditched me the rest of the day to spend Christmas alone. We had parties to go to but he had the car. He only came back after he was sufficiently high and the day was over. I was embarrassed and heart broken but it's okay he had a great excuse "I saw my friend at the gas station on the way home and just had to spend time with them". Really? Not to spend time with me your "girlfriend". (I think he cheated but I had no proof). I feel so stupid and embarassed I even gave him the opportunity to treat me like that. This Christmas I'm with my family and I bought myself everything I wanted including a puppy he said was a stupid idea last year.

softensonic · 2020-12-23T21:36:00+00:00

Bought some man I'd never met a $150 tie bar. Bet you're thinking I was 19. No. I was nearing 30 lmfao.

NurseRatched2099 · 2020-12-23T20:24:08+00:00

When I was 18, for xmas I spent over $400 on my 23-year-old bf. I cant remember what all I bought but it was multiple things he really wanted and a night at a special themed hotel in a nearby city. He got me pajamas and one of those blankets ppl sell out of a van with a huge pot leaf on it. I was embarrassed to show my parents.

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2020-12-23T16:06:15+00:00

Get your clown emojis ready, I've wasted so much money on men who didn't deserve shit;

• flowers - no one before my hvm husband would get me flowers. So what did I do to compensate? Well, it is (insert year here), there's no reason a woman can't surprise her man with flowers 🤡. I've spend so much over the years.

• jewellery - $750 on a solid gold chain, $2100 on my ex husband's wedding ring, $150 on a plain gold band for my wedding ring. Again, it's (insert year here), why can't a woman spoil her man?

• dates - I was so desperate for normalcy in my life, that I offered to pay if they'll go on a date with me. Using the same logic as the first two points, I decided to "prove" that I wasn't a gold digger. Because a couple of them were age gap relationships, I've overheard people calling me a gold digger. Only once did I ever hear a dude call my ex a sicko when we were out on a date. So I tried to pay every time to avoid that label. I outearned most of my exes.

Fuck was I ever clueless in my pickme days 🤡🤡🤡

FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-12-23T19:30:09+00:00

I remember this one gift, but it doesn't quite fit what you're looking for.

I tend to give thoughtful gifts and don't spend too much unless it makes sense to. One time I got an ex a $30 comic book for Christmas and he spent $200 on my gifts. He had a frustrated look on his face. I asked him why and he said that the gift I bought him was better - it required that I listened to him, knew his interests, and invested time in looking into which one he needed. He thought that I had tuned out when he had explained the comic book arch he was talking about in one of our long drives, and his frustration of only being able to find digital purchases.

He got me some cables for my phone's which I needed and some jewelry. Not great but some thought and some effort. My gift was clearly more thoughtful and catered to him and we both knew it. I was the better gift giver, always, and he could only compensate in amount spent.

He ended up cheating on me after 6 years, so, I pretty much resent anything nice I did for him lol. He didn't deserve it.

ThatLibranWitch · 2020-12-23T16:14:20+00:00

Bought him a piece of jewellery from MY favourite jewellery store... Together 5 years... Never got one back! 🤡🤣 2 years on, happy to be the only person buying myself jewellery 😇 Still haven't got a piece from that store, but I'm working on it!

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2020-12-23T17:51:05+00:00

Omg they don't appreciate it, what's the point!

Sewud · 2020-12-23T18:07:49+00:00

I was dropping $1000 on a plane ticket to Peru on the regular because my then "boyfriend" would ask me to. I wasn't enjoying it, but I was too shy to break up with him. I actually tried to break up with him like make him understand I didn't want to go to Peru and we were better off just as friends who drift apart, but he would get angry and refuse to leave me alone. He just kept coming back pressuring me to go to Peru.

supinterwebs · 2020-12-23T18:52:42+00:00

A $2700 bicycle for his 40th birthday while we were still dating. For my birthday 10 months later he got me socks (JFC I cant even) and a trip to nearby hot springs with his best friend and girlfriend who are raging alcoholics. It was not fun and my ex got mad at me "ruining" the hot springs trip the next morning we argued about it and he pinned me down and slapped me.

Over the course of that year he spent $1000 to fly to his buddie's 40th birthday where they spent $600 at a strip club, ~$900 on cocaine, untold amounts on alcohol, $20,000 on a slimy lawyer for his custody battle where he constantly shot himself in the foot and got shut down hard by the judge, and - this is the kicker- $500 for pole dancers dressed as unicorns to perform AT OUR WEDDING RECEPTION. 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡

He didn't even buy me a ring. AND had the audacity to say "he didn't have money for a ring."

Never. again. ever.

I bought myself the same version touring bicycle, and after the divorce a trip to Laos mountain biking, and save my energy and $5k a year on a trip for myself.

moxymoxalone · 2020-12-24T04:47:39+00:00

I recall saving for months to buy my college boyfriend a vintage pocket watch for his birthday ($525) on my part-time waitress wages. He opened the watch and was floored; absolutely over the moon about it. He said it was the best gift he’d ever received. Three hours later he broke up with me.

The next day we were at school, he was standing around with a few of his friends showing them the watch. At that moment, I walked up to him and asked for the watch back, saying it was classless to accept an expensive gift from a person you’re about to break up with.

He had no choice but to hand it over and as I was walking away I could hear him saying to his friends, “She took my watch back, man....” “That’s cold.”

I returned it and bought a beautiful plum-colored shearling jacket that I’d coveted.🖕🏻Not so cold now, bitch.

freebritney93x · 2020-12-23T16:20:52+00:00

Ive brought tickets worth over 100 euros while I was in an apprenticeship (so it was A LOT of money for me). Accidentally brought the tickets for a match of not his fav team & he said "get rid of them" 🤡... like sorryyyy ?! Also I brought for a very good girlfriend of mine an event gift card worth over 150 euros which is also only valid 3 years (gifted to her 3 or 2 years ago Im not sure) Until to this day she did not once confirm or said anything about an event she wants to go. I repeatedly reminded her of it. So yeah I just put over 150 Euro for her in the trash. I will never ever spend this much money for a "friend" again.

ManchurianCantaloupe · 2020-12-23T15:35:31+00:00

[deleted]

Arieskitten · 2020-12-23T23:01:48+00:00

He was turning 18 I bought him 18 birthday gifts. I was 18 too. Useful and pricey gifts he would have loved. I wrapped each one so nicely and put it all in a big box with a bow. I was so young. He used me for most of the relationship. We were each other’s firsts. I gave up so much to make him happy. I just wanted to be with him and in the end of our two year relationship, he just ended up cheating on me. Ugh.

Deadgirl1888 · 2020-12-23T16:20:12+00:00

The most I've spent was $80 for a chinchilla specialized wheel. My ex was abusive af so I decided to make his gift about his chinchilla. My ex loved it surprisingly.

2020-12-23T15:30:14+00:00

Swiss army knife, gift card for chocolate fountant experience experience, a gift card for a massage. He gave me exact same earrings that I had just in different color and a soap🙃the sad part is, I'm pretty sure his mom bought that because he was broke

thelightsource12 · 2020-12-23T15:38:07+00:00

A Marshall Bluetooth speaker.

In return I got an h&m hoodie and a fitness tracker (after I had already bought myself one so now I have two). That's for Christmas and my birthday combined since they are close together. Facepalm

ferretcat · 2020-12-23T16:06:34+00:00

I'm not exactly rich and I've only had one ltr but I bought him rayban sunglasses, nice head phones for his birthday, all I got was a fucking card for mine.

I'm never settling for a cheap ass guy again, so embarrassed all over thinking about this

Solid-Liquid · 2020-12-23T16:26:01+00:00

Bought my ex a Nintendo switch out last year together. He said he had to “save up” for mines despite working 2 retail jobs and having a 2013 BMW. Never got a gift for my birthday that last year. Was planning on waiting till I got the switch to end it but by that point, I hated/resented him so much that it didn’t seem worth it for me to wait so I just took an L and moved on

undertheunderbelly · 2020-12-23T19:19:36+00:00

Last minute plane tickets over 1K after we both missed our flights. And of course it was my fault, not his, that we missed it.

bob_dabuilda · 2020-12-23T19:31:37+00:00

Lol I dont think I've ever bought gifts for men that went beyond snacks! Yay me?

YesPleaseMadam · 2020-12-23T21:03:56+00:00

I can say with 100% certainty that not even when I was pretend "straight" I have ever gifted a male outside my family tree.

VanityDecay666 · 2020-12-23T21:34:50+00:00

Damn glad I'm not the only person :')

One ex of 7 years plus I bought 'the latest xbox' at that time with all the games and add kns which came to around 450 odd, then a robe and loads of other gifts..

Then I found out about his affairs through him saying I could order a dress for myself for 50 quid :|

Merry christmas 2014 :')

HengroenAndLlamrei · 2020-12-23T22:36:57+00:00

Lol, this brings back memories! I was hanging out with the guy I was super into my senior year of high school and he told me he wanted a dvd of his favorite band in concert, which I—of course—procured and gave him as an early Christmas present. After holiday break he casually mentioned he got me a book. In a twist that I am sure will surprise eeevvveeryone on this sub, I have yet to receive this alleged book (it’s been a decade, not really holding my breath). I, of course, dated him anyway. And, of course, he was predictably an awful boyfriend. I’m grateful I’m wiser now.

StrainingMyNeurons · 2020-12-23T22:59:10+00:00

I gave my user r*pist ex an all expenses trip to Rome for Valentine’s day, where’s he got me nothing and agreed to pay for a pasta dinner in a very cheap pizza place. He then got furious that I was not immediately sure which train we needed to catch to go to the part of town he wanted to visit and that Sistine chapel was shut in Sundays, and that I should have known it, because his whole life’s dream was to see the ceiling paintings there (bullshit). All the while I was having a massive migraine with an aura that made me feel like I was having food poisoning and a stroke at once, and had to keep it quiet in order not to ruin his experience. I was in my 20s at the time, working and studying full time and paying mortgage. He was loaded, working as a full time private physio, robbing stressed mothers of the money for their babies’ treatment that the babies didn’t need, and that isn’t actually an approved treatment in most countries for that reason.

In the same spirit, what has irked me a lot more lately is my childhood fRiEnD, that I have finally decided to go “grey rock” with, since falling out would complicate a lot of things and other friendships. I recently fulfilled one of my biggest dreams and bought a house with very little mortgage (I’ve been paying mortgages for past 15 years) in a good area, and all her nastiness started coming out. Not that it is anything new, but with age she’s probably unraveled. She has an untreatable case of pickemeitis and has always defended men’s rights to be treated to grand gestures by her, which is also part of a reason she hasn’t got a flea to her name. Her and I were talking about weddings and prenups in the context of money (she works for a financial adviser who deals with people who want to invest upwards of several millions), and I said that at this stage I have too much to lose and almost nothing to gain from marrying, and that if I did decide to do that for some reason, I would absolutely not mix my money with the man’s money. She scoffed at me, waved her hand angrily in the air and said: “of course you will. You’ll fall in love and you’ll mix everything together”. This is in addition to her having recently responded to me saying that I’ve spent a year being single, not going on dates or even flirting in any way, working on my faulty patterns to avoid abusive men: “ you know you say these things, but you’ll meet a guy and you’ll behave just the same as you’ve always done” with the same scoff. Even in my worst pick me years when I bought men gifts while they lived at my place for free, I never lost my sanity so much where I’d become careless about my hard earned property and home, and made sure they were never on any bills etc., so that they couldn’t try to rob me on the way out.

Both of those instances infuriated me and, because they were quite reflective of the rest of our friendship, where I’d be gobsmacked and would try to cOmMuNiCaTe so that she could gaslight me with: “but I’m only saying this to help you avoid the disappointment”, they helped me decide that I don’t need this kind of friend in my life.

At school she was a pathologically shy, pale, chubby girl who knitted sweaters, and I was a rebellious loudmouth in terrible homemade punk attire - we were almost a movie trope. I think part of me still thought I was talking to that girl, but she was gone years ago. The woman I know now thinks nothing or racking up thousands in driving fines (along with multiple demerit points and almost losing her license), because “the rules are stupid” and then getting someone like me bail her out, using me for a free or nearly free place to live and as soon as she’s fixed her financial situation and is out, relishing in telling me that she’s invited all of our mutual friends for Christmas, but I’m not invited because I don’t like a couple of her friends that will be in attendance (we are civil and get on just fine though).

Other things that point towards sociopathy are that she impulsive, but also knows how to convince others (except for boyfriends) to pay her way, and whom to target. Her college ex that turned out gay and they broke up amicably almost 20 years ago, still seems to feel some kind of responsibility for her, so she convinced him to buy a house with an ocean and mountain view as a weekend home, where she’d “help” him and his boyfriend pay mortgage by moving in there and paying very small rent. The house is rickety, on stilts that sways in the wind and the plot is useless for anything, as it’s on the edge of a steep mountain, hard to upkeep and unusable. She’s now complaining that she doesn’t like it there anymore.

She then yesterday told me that she’s finally “saved up” money for a house deposit, then went to explain that she’s actually demanded her sister puts pressure on the brother in law to buy her out of her mother’s house (the sister doesn’t work, the friend isn’t close to her brother in law), even though her mother isn’t dead, old or even sick. Her mother got upset understandably and said that she wasn’t dying just yet, but my friend told her not to be,as these are just “practical matters”.

Sorry for the rant, it wasn’t planned for this post, but, I guess, it came out 😅

RA85373 · 2020-12-23T16:00:25+00:00

A vintage record signed by his favorite artist. He got me a candle 😂😂😂 I cringe so hard.

chocolatelustpile · 2020-12-23T17:16:02+00:00

Not about a present but if you'd like any tips on travelling around NZ and and awesome less known spots let me know! I'm a Kiwi and love helping people plan trips to my beautiful homeland. So excited for you! 😊

PS. I tried to DM you but couldn't

Express_Chocolate_60 · 2020-12-23T15:50:54+00:00

Not a boyfriend or anything, but a male-friend that i had a crush on. (yeah, yeah, I know, 3 years ago, pre fds, I was an idiot)

A personalized leather sketchbook with carved details made from scratch by me, even the papers sorted out, cut and sewn all together and oh boi... that fucking leather was so hard to penetrate with a fucking needle. I couldn't fell my fingers for a week. :')

Besides that scumbag... I made similar items for my "friends" at the time as well. They weren't worth shit. I fucking hate myself for that.

repurposedschleem · 2020-12-23T16:04:58+00:00

I’ve only ever dated one guy during the holidays as an adult with disposable income, my NVM ex-husband and our gift giving abilities were actually pretty solid. I still wear the pretty diamond earrings he gave me our first married Christmas, but I’m definitely upgrading them for myself this year 😇

This is my first “single Christmas” since...2007? When I was 14? I’ve never been in a position where I could spoil myself, I’m excited! This year it’s diamond earrings and money stashed away for a trip to Hawaii when it’s safe to go :)

wellwhalewailflail · 2020-12-23T19:06:00+00:00

A $400 vacuum cleaner to replace the twenty dollar brush-less (for bare floors) piece of trash he was using to "clean" his carpeted place. We were dating for 3 months. Please drown me in clown paint.

noavocadoshere · 2020-12-24T00:05:09+00:00

thankfully this never happened but for our anniversary, i was going to book a suite for the weekend in an expensive hotel ($$$), plan an itinerary based around all my ex's favorite foods (seafood especially, both of which i've had bad experiences with) and then surprise him with a playlist and the crème de la crème of my lingerie.

i would've spent so much for a man who once lost my birthday card, disappointing me deeply, and didn't think to buy me another one.

ponchoacademy · 2020-12-24T02:04:08+00:00

Only one where I felt tons of regret, its been over 10yrs but it ruined me for buying guys gifts.

Its not nearly as major as most stories here, but I was incredibly broke. He was very well off and was sure hed get me something nice, so I didnt want to be embarrassed giving him a cheap gift. It took me several months to save up a bit over $100. Tiffanys had keychains and with engraving it came right to my budget. They even wrapped and boxed it and hand tied a bow, it looked incredible for what I spent.

He loved it and and said that it was legit the nicest thing anyone has ever gotten for him in his life. Then all excited he handed me my gift. It was a nightie from Victorias Secret...in a size XL. I was a size 4 at the time. I was raised by an anorexic so anyway had body issues, and he knew this. Id reached a point where I was able to rationalize theres no way Im as big as I feel cause logically no one who is a size 4 is overweight, but that XL made me feel like I do in fact look as big as I feel and decided I needed to go on a diet to lose 20lbs. Good times.

thebonecarrier · 2020-12-24T02:53:35+00:00

Three months AFTER my XH left me, but before he officially decided he wanted a divorce, I gave him a $300 custom framed professional print of him and his motorbike for his birthday.

Unbeknownst to me, dude was fucking his 21 year old coworker while I worked full-time, cared for our 1 year old baby on my own, and tried to cope with the fact my husband had left me out of the blue.

Please erase this memory from my mind 🤡

ETA years ago we discussed getting engaged and he hinted that he'd do it before the end of the year. I was on tenterhooks all December. Woke up on Christmas to a giant stuffed minion plushie from the movie Despicable Me. Then he got angry at me for being disappointed.

BasieSkanks · 2020-12-23T15:59:56+00:00

I used to send a handwritten card to my ex-FWB on his birthday every year. When he moved house, I bought him a personalised chopping board and a recipe book. He gave me one of his old belts as a collar (we were into BDSM at the time). That was the only “gift” I got from him.

winterbird · 2020-12-23T16:08:49+00:00

I got him a salt lamp for Christmas because he liked mine. I didn't get a gift.

After that was my birthday. He didn't want to come to the dinner with me and my mom (or see me that day at all), but I pleaded until he did. He paid for dinner (which wasn't my intent, I just wanted him there) but argued about tipping the server because it was a male server. I ended up putting the tip on my card when he went out to smoke. I didn't get a gift or flowers, other than the dinner.

For his birthday I got him a watch. I didn't see him for his birthday because it was a day he had his kids, that he wasn't letting me meet. I'd been seeing him for 11 months at this point. (Are you tallying up the clown face emojis in your head, ladies?)

Some time after that, it was revealed that he doesn't know when my birthday is. He doesn't remember even the month. He remembers coming to the dinner, just doesn't know when it was. Because why would it be important enough to take note of, right?

QQueenie · 2020-12-23T16:28:32+00:00

Ugh, god, I feel this pain for you. Good on you for putting that money towards someone who will completely appreciate it!

aellope · 2020-12-23T18:38:50+00:00

I got him a really nice new stereo system for his car, which was something I knew he wanted. He got me... nothing? If I remember correctly? Because he "didn't know what to get". Then a few days later got me a computer chair that I didn't want, because I guess he felt guilty.

djburokas · 2020-12-23T20:57:53+00:00

A personal photobook of our moments and many more gifts and ive got nothing lol

wannalife · 2020-12-23T21:12:57+00:00

Ooh. Last relationship, he tells me he’s a coffee enthusiast, so I find him a year long fancy coffee club subscription. Turns out he drinks a Starbucks drink every once in a while. He tells me he had started learning guitar a few years ago and really wants to pick it up again. I didn’t spend a ton, but I managed to get him a guitar. Turns out he doesn’t actually want to play. I know that’s not much, but it was a lot to me, everything he claimed to be passionate about was a passing interest or thought.

ShoshannaDreyfus · 2020-12-23T23:27:49+00:00

An xbox (cost £400) 🤡 when I was 18 years old 🤡 and worked full time at a minimum wage job and he didn't work 🤡🤡🤡🤡

temproaryusername · 2020-12-24T01:36:13+00:00

Oh. My. God. I hope someone writes a book about this. I wish I was all your boyfriends!!!!! They made out like bandits!!!

I cant believe how many other women have made this mistake too. My favorite worthless ex purchase (but by far not the only one 🤡) was a christmas present gaming computer chair $300, 3 weeks before I found he had cheated for a 3rd time and I broke up with him.

I get real cringe walking into an office supply store this time of year 😫

fitecows · 2020-12-24T02:14:42+00:00

Late to the the party, but here we go:

Even though I loathed my NVM ex husband, I was a rockstar with gifts! Even though we were poor as can be (MFer was racking up $40,000 of unsecured debt unbeknownst to me and lying about his take home so he could make the minimum payments - get the receipts, queens!), the gifts I got him we often way outside my budget and thoughtful as hell. Every year for his birthday I got him a mounted and framed insect, planned lavish parties, the works. Come Christmas and anniversaries it was more of the same and even if the gifts were cheap, they were thoughtful and showed how well I knew him. I even put myself $900 in debt to get him Seahawks tickets and take him out to dinner for OUR anniversary one year (he got blackout drunk, but made a Facebook post about our anniversary so... yeah).

“My” gifts were things like an Xbox (I don’t game) or a kitchen gadget. Not an appliance, just like a new set of measuring cups or new Tupperware. He really dropped the ball on my 30th when I planned our night out and the beach party with my friends the next day (I paid for all of this, too and he tried to take credit for the party saying it was a surprise party for me - bitch I got the texts an emails I sent out planning this you gaslighting fuck!), and he gave me an ugly ass owl lamp. I started crying when I saw it because I SPECIFICALLY said when he pointed it out a week prior how ugly it was (“oh yeah... I forgot I was the one who liked it...”).

Next year he got the bare minimum, but the following year was his 30th and he LITERALLY CRIED AND BEGGED ME to, “do the things you always do! I want someone to make a big deal out of me!” That is a direct quote. I did give him a great surprise party (stupid of me) but then he sexually assaulted two different women so jokes on me (and if two victims came forward you know there were more).

Seamstress2 · 2020-12-24T02:14:59+00:00

A crochet scarf, handmade, totally not worth it, broke up with him right after

Edit: I literally crocheted that scarf knowing I was going to break up with him afterwards, I don't know if that makes it worse

GibbleFace · 2020-12-24T03:17:06+00:00

Basically crumbs compared to some of you ladies but I spent $800 on a laptop for him for school, no occasion, he just wanted it and I could afford it. I'd pay for most of our dates, including my birthday, I'd spend hundreds on magic the gathering cards for him. If I was out shopping and I saw a game he'd like I'd get it.

I begged him to get me a flower for Valentine's day. I didn't want anything else, no date, no chocolate, I "understood he was broke" so that's what I'd wanted. I'd never gotten a flower before. So Valentine's rolls around, he picks me up to take me to his parents for supper and when I get in he apologized and said he didn't have the money for a flower. He spent $100 on magic cards 3 days before but "couldn't afford" a 6.99$ supermarket flower for me? Yeah okay 😒

Never again

Aqlt · 2020-12-23T16:10:39+00:00

Not really a gift but I paid for his flight tickets to come to stay with me for a while during my working holiday in Europe. In an Airbnb apartment that I have already paid. Only reason I offered is because he said he was suffering from severe trauma from his last trip in India and he needed someone to take care of him. It basically emptied my bank account for all of this.

Later I found out he cheated on me after he came back to the states while I was still in Europe.

dahliaukifune · 2020-12-23T19:29:19+00:00

A €700 return flight to come see me in Japan. He broke up with me on my birthday two years later.

rideoffalone · 2020-12-24T01:15:47+00:00

I moved from a mid-sized city in California to a small town in Wisconsin for him, worrying I would hate it because of how small, cold, and conservative it was. Spoiler alert: I hated how small, cold, and conservative it was and we broke up.

2020-12-23T15:10:17+00:00

A Tiffany golf accessory (a turf comb or some shit) and some designer shirts for his job. I was in college. It was a significant sacrifice. He was angry at me bc my gifts demonstrated that I made more money than him.

ndftba · 2020-12-23T18:47:26+00:00

He was into Marvel Universe and I got him a spiderman action figure. I should've kept it to myself.

A_WoodHouse · 2020-12-23T20:50:11+00:00

I was in an LDR with this military man for two years. He worked full time and I was a struggling college student. I was the one that paid for all our plane tickets and hotel rooms to see each other. He had a spending problem so was always in debt asking for money. Spent thousands overtime and he had not paid for anything over the two years. He once took me to a fancy restaurant for my birthday and left me with the check. So glad I dumped him, he was clearly taking advantage.

threddedneedle · 2020-12-23T21:19:22+00:00

I'm luckily very bad at picking out gifts (lol) and often times buy sweets and teas for friends and family, but for one boyfriend I bought a couple of very cool antiques/second hand items that fitted perfectly with his interior aesthetic. They didn't cost more than 40$ all together, but now he gets to enjoy them when I actually would have wanted them for myself :(

EyesWithaHotFace · 2020-12-23T21:51:20+00:00

met my ex on a September, gave him a Tissot worth $300 for Christmas gift. jesus I cringe everytime I think of my pickme days😖 thank heavens for FDS I will never do that ever again

HappyTriangle · 2020-12-24T01:06:13+00:00

You can stay with me in NZ when you finally make it!

Izzy4162305 · 2020-12-24T03:09:28+00:00

Mine was more than 10 years ago but it stands out for two reasons. First, I almost married the loser. Second, I’ve never dropped bank on a man again and won’t unless I’m with one who reciprocates.

It was an autographed copy of some basketball player’s autobiography. The book was $35, then the cost of shipping both ways to get it to my friend who worked for the team he played for. My ex is a a sports journalist. For my birthday, he got me... a password keeper notebook. (Which I already had purchased for $10.) Up to then, we had actually been talking about marriage. This was the moment I started to doubt. It only took me six more months to pull my head out of the sand and dodge that bullet.

This year I bought myself the Dyson hair dryer for Hanukkah, and the Dyson Corrale flat iron for Christmas. Also some earrings and other jewelry. I always go to my mom and stepdad for Christmas but can’t this year because pandemic, so I splurged on myself. I wrapped everything and put it under my Hanukkah tree and everything.

I love reading all your stories on this post, it reminds me that as I venture back into dating at some point, I shall take no bullshit from anyone.

shugs87 · 2020-12-24T03:14:09+00:00

My time. So OTT that it’s something I’ll never get back.

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2020-12-24T04:22:28+00:00

An all expense-paid trip to the Caribbean. He spent a lot of money buying gifts for his family while we were there and not a single bauble of thanks for me. When I looked in my wallet later, I realized he had stolen some money from me. 🙄 He only ever got me one gift for my birthday and one for Christmas but had a $20 self-imposed limit on spending (I spent more, of course.) And the gifts he bought with that money sucked. Literally nothing I liked- perfume which I never wore, etc. the amount of money a man spends on you and the way he spends it can reveal a lot about how he really feels. Pay attention to it.

ThrowawayKITTY777 · 2020-12-24T06:53:30+00:00

For my LVM ex ....

Custom made leather jacket... red leather with black leather collar & cuffs and fully detailed black scorpion on the back. He said he liked the jacket Ryan Gosling wears in "Drive" but not the colors and he had always wanted a red leather jacket.

$1,075 ... at the "friend discount" from a custom leatherworker I know.

He gave me some expensive but ugly-to-me Hermes earrings ( I don't like diamonds or yellow gold )

All the presents he ever gave me were not my style, pretty sure he just looked at the Forbes gift guide and picked whatever from there... except to me it was all just expensive shite that I found unstylish and felt guilted into wearing.

I've kinda gone all out this year for my new dude though he deserves it. Fancy driving cap from Scotland, heavy duty motorcycle gloves custom ordered the same color blue as his bike, Creed cologne and body wash 😹 it's the same Original Santal flavor I buy for myself so I know he loves the scent. Vintage carved onyx cufflinks from 1960. Custom made pure silk vest & tie that matches my favorite formal dress.

I'm sitting here staring at the 8 boxes he put under the tree for me just wondering and waiting impatiently to see what's in them. I think this year I'll be very pleasantly surprised.

notochord · 2020-12-24T09:07:30+00:00

Seven years ago, I bought an ex a trip to Peru with me but then ended up ending things with him and going alone. It was one of the best experiences of my life.

This year I bought myself two prints by one of my favorite photographers (Irene Yee), two new pairs of climbing shoes, a new puffy jacket monogrammed with my mountaineering club’s insignia, and a ski pass for the season.

I don’t plan on dating again until I’ve gotten my Covid vaccine (will be a while since) and in the mean time have my work and sports to focus on!

nenindis · 2020-12-24T11:12:09+00:00

Does "time of my life" count?

Sashamorningmidnight · 2020-12-23T18:20:23+00:00

[removed]

doublerainbow11 · 2020-12-24T06:18:20+00:00

I was on my 4 weeks off from my research project in the lab at that time and took a holiday to Bali while also visiting my parents. My ex couldn’t join me cause of work excuse blah blah so I went alone and gifted him a Balinese women painting while he just bought me 2 bars of scented soap when he came back from a holiday in Chicago. Oh boy excuse me Sir, I could find nice scented soaps here in Melbourne and you don’t have to fly across the country just to buy me soaps 😂

ChoiceScarfMienfoo · 2020-12-24T10:46:58+00:00

helped my abusive cheating ex pay off his PCL surgery in full....... my clown ass is cringing at this memory and at the thousands i threw down the drain 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

callofktululu · 2020-12-24T10:53:18+00:00

Got him a phone that costed the same as my then monthly paycheck. One year for my birthday, he was going to get me a phone case as a replacement for a cheap damaged ring he got me first but later returned for a refund. The case never came. Yes Prime 🤡

Oh editing to add - got another ex expensive shades which he later loaned to a friend and forgot about them. Fuck, this thread really affirms how nurturing and giving women are even at the beginning of a relationship and how gross and pathetic men are to women they have been with for years. This is exactly why we need FDS.

daisy_0720 · 2020-12-24T11:49:32+00:00

I've never spent more than $50 on a partner and this thread is making me feel super validated right now :-)

cumlady · 2020-12-25T03:47:34+00:00

Brand new iPad, laptop, PS4 and games. Also, since I traveled so much for my job, I would constantly bring him treats and little gifts from the places I visited. Leather goods from Italy, candy from France, clothes and accessories from Denmark and Sweden. Beside that, I also paid every last cent for his green card applications and visas. Never again.

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Title	In the spirit of the holidays... What is the most OTT gift you gave to a man who absolutely did not deserve it?
Author	ManchurianCantaloupe
Upvotes	569
Comments	208
Date	December 23, 2020 2:46 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kiucg8/in_the_spirit_of_the_holidays_what_is_the_most/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/in-the-spirit-of-the-holidays-what-is-the-most-ott.441146 https://theredarchive.com/post/441146

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