The Ick

cicerii · 2021-11-02T13:28:04+00:00

The way he thought he was a sex god and I was frigid when really he was just bad in bed and addicted to porn.

BasieSkanks · 2021-11-02T13:55:23+00:00

It took me a long time to get the ick for ex. It was around the time I first found FDS and I was slowly coming to the realisation that I was dealing with a dud. We had broken up at this point, but we agreed to be "civil" (i.e he could still ask me for favours but I should not expect anything from him). One day he sent me a picture of himself and it felt like the scales fell from my eyes. He was a totally average guy (5'8, bald, somewhat skinny-fat), and I remember thinking: "this is the dude I am crying over?!" At the time I was also speaking to other men who were much better in terms of their looks, outlook, and attitude. I blocked him there and then and I haven't spoken to him since. I feel like the love I had for him made him appear much better than he actually was. It's amazing what idealisation can do for a person.

abirdofthesky · 2021-11-02T13:45:03+00:00

When he last minute canceled attending my grandfather’s birthday dinner so he could “work on his writing”. There was a place card for him. He was only working part time. What else was he doing with his day??

It took me another six months to break up with him but that was when I lost respect.

Buggy1218 · 2021-11-02T13:21:40+00:00

It really happened for me with my ex when I realized what a shit person he was. I came home from work one day and he had a brand new PS4. We didn’t have the money for that, so I asked how he got it.

He worked at a gas station. While he was on break, he found a wallet in the parking lot with $400 in it. A little while later, while he’s working the register, a frazzled guy came in and asked if anyone had found his wallet. While he had it in his back pocket, my ex lied to this dudes face and said no one had found it or turned one in. He left work that day and bought the PS4 with that guys money and threw his wallet away, cards, license, and all. He told me this without a hint of regret or shame on his face.

It pretty much completely shattered my attraction to him. Empathy and integrity are something I’ve looked for in guys ever since.

FluffandRainclouds · 2021-11-02T15:07:06+00:00

The ick can be triggered by anything unattractive for me (hygiene issues, character, smell, etc). It NEVER gets better. If you start getting the ick, run don't walk.

PrettyPancakePolice · 2021-11-02T15:27:02+00:00

The absolute worst one is when I had a crush on a guy in university. I already had a LVM boyfriend and he had a girlfriend so I was obviously not trying to pursue him, but I had this immense attraction to him, it was like animalistic. But I was a pickmeisha and I felt guilty for having a crush, so I tried to avoid this guy so my feelings would disappear - with no luck. But one day we got assigned to do a group assignment, so we did that and we decided to grab lunch together. So we talked and got to know each other better. He said something about how he has some controversial opinions, so I convinced him to tell me some and he told me "If my GF would ever get r*ped, I'd never be able to look at her the same way and I'd have to break up with her". - Safe to say that my crush disappeared after that.

I actually started hanging out with his former best friend like 5 years later (who also studied with us), and he told me that this guy was obsessed with me, and that he'd talk about me daily (how cute I am etc). When he told me I replied that both of us had partners back then. But the friend said "Oh like that would matter, he cheated on his girlfriend all the time". So yeah that's nice.

PeanutButterPigeon85 · 2021-11-02T15:08:57+00:00

It was after I finally noticed how selfish he was. Everything was all about him, all the time. He always had some kind of drama going on or conflict with others, but he never took any responsibility for it. He was always a victim. I started to feel like he'd drain me dry.

There wasn't any one lightbulb moment, but my attraction to him evaporated as I realized all of this. After it hit a certain level, I could barely stand to be around him.

ThrowRA_lantern · 2021-11-02T14:53:15+00:00

We were watching movies on my bed with my laptop while snacking on popcorn, I was sitting further back on the bed and could smell his feet (this was AFTER he had supposedly showered). I also noticed the way his skinny frail fingers quickly snatched into the popcorn bowl, proceeding to chomp messily at each handful like some kind of starved squirrel/guinea pig/rodent which just made me feel so grossed out. I spent more time staring at him with disgust than actually watching the movie.

kaylesta · 2021-11-02T13:35:15+00:00

Trying to “out-intellectualise” me or see how much the could squeeze out of my brain on certain subjects. The former was done under the thin veil of ‘banter’ and just made it obvious they were threatened. The second made me feel like a circus animal. It all just screamed arrogance, but conversely insecurity. ICK x100

PizzaNo7741 · 2021-11-02T17:00:39+00:00

I’ve never told anyone this but, I had an ex that went on a cross country road trip with me. He didn’t have his license, a job, or any money, so I was paying for everything and driving the whole time. He set up the camp site every night and cooked though, so I was alright with it (sort of… there were a lot of little things leading up to this that I was shoving to the back of my mind)…. Until one morning I woke up and he had peed the bed. The air mattress. The sleeping bags. The tent. It touched me, and there were no showers around.

I felt bad about the fact that this actually completely broke me. I thought, if I really loved him I could have moved past it and he couldn’t help it …. He was very embarrassed, and I was too, I just couldn’t ignore the whole situation with this guy anymore but had to endure the whole rest of the trip with him pretending like everything is ok, don’t worry about it, etc…….. :/ ugh I’ve got the ick just thinking about it.

pinkcorolla · 2021-11-02T15:57:12+00:00

This was just the second time meeting him but it was enough to get an ick. The song “High fashion” by Roddy Ricch was playing and the line went like “I like you a lot bae” but instead of saying bae my date said bitch. I ordered an uber expeditiously.

ivory_727 · 2021-11-02T17:14:30+00:00

The last time I spent the night with my ex was the one that broke me. I came over to his house and there was a big pile of disgusting beard trimmings in the sink. The bathroom smelled like he did something ungodly in it and the toilet was dirty. In the morning, I watched in horror as he picked up his laundry hamper and dug through it to find an undershirt and then put it on…he was talking to me the entire time and never paused…this was clearly something he did all the time and didn’t consider a big deal. I damn near ran out of that house and never came back.

He was bald, had one bright yellow tooth and snored like a freight train. I have no idea what I was thinking.

__kamikaze__ · 2021-11-02T16:11:02+00:00

Was sitting across from him and he gave me this intense, rapey stare. It made me feel like I was prey.

Professional-Ad-457 · 2021-11-02T16:20:49+00:00

He swatted a huge moth. It fell right in front of us with a thud and landed in his very thick rug in front of the sofa where we walked all the time in bare feet. Because it was in the dark rug and not visible he left it there. Me: are you going to leave the dead moth in your rug? Him: yes Me: 🤢

millions_ofpeachs4me · 2021-11-02T16:54:30+00:00

I lived with an ex. The first time I truly felt disgusted by him was way late, after we had broken up and were still trying to figure out the logistics. I was going out for the evening and he decided to stay in with a pizza. He chose to eat that pizza in our shared bed while watching tv, something he could have done in the main room. As I passed by the bedroom door, I noticed he was putting the box on my pillow. The disgusting, greasy fucking box of pizza, on my pillow where I put my head at night. Of course he had a cheeky look on his face, daring me to say something about the crumbs and grease and the box. I didn’t; it wasn’t worth the argument to me at that point.

oscine23 · 2021-11-02T17:20:27+00:00

When my ex was sleeping soundly like a baby lamb on a cloud while I was up til 3am researching education laws and preparing an outline for an important IEP meeting for our son at 9am. This was after working a full day at my regular job and working on my business, and a thousand other tasks.

I wanted to stab him with a rusty knife. And of course he sits there at the meeting like a bump on a log with no idea what’s going on because he was too ‘busy’ (couldn’t be bothered) to research anything and was content in knowing I had prepared.

There’s nothing worse than having a child as a husband. Thank God I extricated myself.

kolsen92 · 2021-11-02T16:38:43+00:00

He continuously made a victim of himself in life. Complaining about his parents, how he wished he went to college but no effort to better himself. It was the biggest the off. He was (of course) 10 years older and as someone in my early 20s I felt like his psychologist. He depended on me to change his mood, it was like it was my job to be as funny, shiney and nurturing as possible. This was my first real adult relationship and I thought this was all normal until I started feeling a lot of resentment towards him. When he started to make no effort in our relationship, even less than he had at the start which was very little, mind you, I felt disgusted. Even then I knew if a man isn’t making an effort, I want nothing to do with them. I’m proud of myself for that. Adding; also the fact he wouldn’t cum unless I gave him a BJ. Again I thought maybe this was normal but looking back he was probably pornsick

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-11-02T19:49:31+00:00

When ex tried to physically hide behind me when we (mistakenly) thought our house was being broken into. 😑

LilCornandbeans · 2021-11-02T13:15:37+00:00

For me it's subtle things, one being how he talks about other women, even on t.v.

We were watching the Office and the episode where they hire a stripper was on. He said, "why did they cast her the role for the stripper, she's like almost 40".

I'm like uhh... you're almost 40. He's not attracted to women his own age. Ick.

Also things like what he does with his free time. Does he smoke pot all day and stare at his phone? Does he have any hobbies or is he a couch potato? Does he treat people with respect when he has nothing to gain from? It's the little things that make the big things.

PizzaNo7741 · 2021-11-02T17:08:25+00:00

Another ick story, is that an ex of mine started whining and complaining to me when I mentioned buying a replacement vibrator for mine which had been broken a few months earlier. He could never get me off and sex ended when he finished every time, and was threatened by this device. He also wanted to stay at my home while I was at work so he could play my ps4 which he couldn’t afford. l really shouldn’t have even started anything with this guy. He tried to shame me for not being a natural in the kitchen. Ickkkk. Why did I date these people…

snowwy28 · 2021-11-02T19:22:48+00:00

My ick moment was noticing how my ex husband ate food. As per usual I'd cook dinner and he'd do this disgusting thing where he would hork it down like a starving dog. He'd shovel the food in his mouth and would legit have so much trouble swallowing the amount of food it'd bring tears to his eyes... The sounds his mouth produced just made me stare at him and think, omfg that's disgusting.

He also constantly had this white shit in the corners of his mouth... It was gross... 🤣🤣

bluevom · 2021-11-02T13:05:19+00:00

One guy sent me a nude that gave me the ICK9000 because he was chilling on a bed with no bedding. No pillow covers, no sheet, no duvet, just a blanket. Couldn't find him attractive at all after that. 😅🤮 it doubly disgusts me that they don't even see HOW and WHEN they're being gross.

Madholley · 2021-11-02T13:27:24+00:00

Honestly? Noticing that he never got out of bed when I did. It happened because I mentioned being tired and he said he had slept great. I just recall thinking...hmm.... I got out of bed at 5am and went to teach a class at the gym...got home at 8...walked the dog...didn't see you til after 9. Once I realized he was always sleeping in, I started noticing he never brushed his teeth before bed or in the morning, I started noticing the smell, I realized his underwear all had holes in them, I remembered that he never washed his dishes before bed or folded his laundry, I noticed how he insulted women for being too attractive and for not being attractive enough, and I finally saw his huge gut and it was like. Waking up from a nightmare. I had always looked at him and been attracted. The day I finally realized he was lazy, the ick was unstoppable. I had initially been attracted to him because he had me convinced he was very career-driven and wanting to be fit. I'm career-driven, too. Doesn't stop me from keeping a clean house...

croissantbonjour · 2021-11-02T13:37:54+00:00

The ick came on slowly for me. Some triggers include but are not limited to: having to remind him to brush his teeth, pay off his credit card bill, hearing him lie to his very own mother, his ability to be affectionate only when horny, lack of ambition, inability to take care of himself in SO many ways. Oh also - he shaved his beard and I learned that he has zero neckline and is quite unattractive without it 🥴

honeydaisycake · 2021-11-02T17:54:19+00:00

For me it was the following that built up: first was that he followed 30+ accounts of instagram “models” aka thirst traps then him mentioning how he goes to strip clubs & then eventually him staring at girls when we were at dinner while I was seated next to him. 🥴

Squeakendorf · 2021-11-02T14:36:06+00:00

I got the ick for this one guy when I realized all his good features were fake (example: he wasn't actually smart, he just tried really hard to make me feel stupid) and he was actually just insecure and delusional and being around him felt like spending time around a yapping chihuahua.

peacockstrutt · 2021-11-02T12:54:50+00:00

The ICK set in when my 20 year older than me LVX came over for date night and fell asleep after dinner on the sofa. I sat watching him sleep and noticed how old he looked for the first time. I really studied his face as he slept. He had those enlarged ears and nose that old men had and I realized he resembled my grandfather. Ew! Dumped him shortly after, but it took him cheating on me. Unreal. HE cheated on ME!!

BlancheDevereauxCA · 2021-11-02T16:12:59+00:00

When I went to his condo for the first time and saw how messy he lives. That and finding out about his edible addiction. Both are red flags in the FDS guide which helped me to get out of that mess of a situationship before it went too far. I’m now working on continuing to level up.

daisy_0720 · 2021-11-02T18:57:49+00:00

One shaved his beard off and I couldn't unsee his feminine mouth and weak chin.

Another sent me a shirtless pic. Pale, skinny-fat with weak arms and no shoulder definition. It was like the upper body of a 15 year old and this dude was 32. Blech.

Aloe_You_Vera_Much · 2021-11-02T19:52:52+00:00

My biggest “ick” was from this guy I met and went on about four dates with. He looked about 35 to me and I’m 26, a bit of an age gap but we had a lot in common so I wanted to see what happened.

Well on our second date, he told a story where he was 29 in it and then mentioned it was before Uber! So I asked him how old he was and he was 41 (looked very young). Not so great. Then I asked him to guess my age. He guess 22-23!!

Ya definitely got a big “ick”

Risoa · 2021-11-02T14:03:16+00:00

Oh so many experiences of the ick to reflect back on. Excessive weed smoking, not putting effort into appearance, gaming, putting the boys and how men view him above all else, lack of consistency, objectifying me, the list goes on.

frogchickenhorse · 2021-11-02T13:14:25+00:00

Some icks have included chronic lateness, not managing diabetes and having ulcers/paper thin skin on legs and troll feet, plus reducing me to a body part. I am more than a pair of boobs, my weight or hair Color/eye Color are

shoelaceys · 2021-11-02T17:21:24+00:00

With my last LVM, it was years of shit piling on top of itself that finally made me just grossed out by him. Between the unwashed ass, shit attitude, lack ability to hold down a job, and awful dental hygiene, I just had enough. After him, when I was dating casually, the ick showed itself really quick over comments that resembled negging or a lack of texting. My threshold for tolerating shit is so low, my boyfriend now knows my limits and that I will leave if he decides to slack on a number of things. He’s a great guy a year and a half in, but I’m not afraid to be alone should he suddenly reveal himself as LV (I don’t see that happening but the stories on here have taught me to stay vigilant). It’s about self respect.

ponygalactico · 2021-11-02T19:28:06+00:00

We were really compatible sexually and had a good time, which blinded me for a while to the fact that he hadn't completed his bachelor's (as I was working my way through a masters, same age), he didn't work, he used his dads credit card to buy games (yet was perplexed about it not being free money?) and his clothes were an outright MESS.

What made me see all of that, and stop making excuses for him was discovering all the Instagram and twitch "models" he followed (although some were straight up porn tbh). No amount of sexual compatibility was able to put the blindfold on again.

I told his mom, then faded out of his life for about a month, then broke up for real six weeks after D-Day.

Thankfully we didn't live together and no children, so I was able to come out mostly unscathed

But as you say, it was an "ick", this feeling of not wanting to even be in the same space anymore, realize you're dating a loser, you're the best thing he's got going on and he's still don't give a shit. Bye.

crapcakes0987 · 2021-11-02T19:54:22+00:00

Just looking at men gives me “the ick.” I can’t imagine dating some of them 😂

shockingupdate · 2021-11-02T21:33:07+00:00

The last few behaviors that make my pussy drier than the Sahara:

childishness, needing a woman to make his doctor’s appointments and shop for groceries
wearing the same gym t-shirt the last three times i saw him
texting “what are you up to?” and the result was “playing FIFA” three days in a row
“i don’t know why i can’t get it up, this doesn’t usually happen. maybe you can do all the work? 🥺”

BlackJeepW1 · 2021-11-02T13:23:10+00:00

The porn he watched. I have never been so completely disgusted or turned off in my whole life.

Ericaeatscarrots · 2021-11-02T16:58:24+00:00

Telling me he was a “big teddy bear” when he was really just a big fat slob. Also realized teddy bears are for babies.

palanuik · 2021-11-02T21:04:07+00:00

Smoking weed as a hobby, videogames as a pastime, cowardice... I could go on.

But you're totally right- once I lose respect for a man I have zero attraction to him anymore.

InjuryOnly4775 · 2021-11-02T22:11:57+00:00

When he got into a disagreement with my then 5 year old child and pouted about it all night. He was then mad that I was on her side about it. I realized he was a man child and all attraction was gone.

Jiou112 · 2021-11-03T01:50:30+00:00

The thing was, he wasn't horrific. He wasn't a scrote, or negative value... just LV. I was living my life and he wasn't draining me or using me, but certainly not adding to my day to day. He was sort of just tagging along. Seriously it doesn't get any worse or better than that... just some faceless person existing near me. It finally hit me when he went in for a kiss and all I could think was stranger danger. After that he freaked me out, and I ended things almost instantly. Maybe it's not the usual ick but it sure felt icky.

UnitedHoney · 2021-11-02T12:49:55+00:00

Once in class a scrote compared the ick to post nut clarity. I lost a brain cell every time he spoke.

hopelesscanary · 2021-11-02T22:35:49+00:00

Groping a certain part of me when he had the chance but acting cutesy about it like a pervy anime character 🤮. Making brain-dead counter-arguments instead of engaging when I wanted an intellectual debate or generally when I spoke of my beliefs. Insisting on sex saying I "can just lie there" even when I said I didn't feel like it. Showing subtle misogyny in the way he talked about women that displeased him. It took nearly a year for everything to sink in, culminating in my gut screaming at me to get out what seemed like out of nowhere.

It also didn't help that he gained weight from eating too much, making me realise he had no jawline and was generally odd shaped.

throwaway28492432 · 2021-11-03T01:07:22+00:00

When he was complaining about a female colleague and called her a b*tch. When I asked him why he thought she was a b*tch, the best he could come up with was that she was too assertive.

Carneliancat · 2021-11-02T16:26:49+00:00

Let's see....

He had gay tendencies, a hairy ass, still lived in a filthy house with his abusive French chain-smoking mother, wore really garishly colored track suits his grandparents sent him from France, cried every time his feelings were hurt, slept in a child's sized bed, and his balls stank.

He had flabby earlobes and a red face from alcoholism, snored when he slept, and had to have a child's Fisher-Price fan blowing on his face as he slept, drove a ridiculous Golf car and called it a "sexy German rally car" (it looked like a toy). and made fun of how people dressed.

He didn't bathe or brush his teeth for days, stole from his cargo loading job at the airport, and never cleaned under his foreskin.

He had erectile dysfunction, was the worst kisser I had ever experienced, and didn't clean under his foreskin. So many horror stories about unwashed foreskins, I can't even. I avoid a man with a foreskin now for real.

He picked his nose and ate it, as I watched, in absolute horror, out of the corner of my eye, he wanted me to use a butt plug on him, and shop-lifted a child's notepad with a teddy bear drawing on it from a dollar store.

...And that's just from the top of my head after thinking about this for 20 seconds.

xfelugirlx · 2021-11-02T19:52:16+00:00

When he listened more to his mother that mistreated him sometimes even when i was around, when he tried to tell me what to do or wear when I’m half snd less than his weight.and the fact that he is a uncessful student that can’t pass an exam even ig he tries 3 times lol, forever student for sure/ THE ICK. Lvm man in all his glory

jackrusselterror1 · 2021-11-02T19:25:30+00:00

I cannot take a man seriously after they have an angry outburst over something minor. Also I go dry when they start complaining/whining about something that doesn’t matter. I’ve been in a relationship that became abusive and I have a very low tolerance for temper displays now, I don’t stay with men who act like this. I think these displays are both pathetic/childish and also a huge red flag for a potential abuser.

The ick to me is a sudden loss of attraction that’s often mixed with deep disgust. I picture men who give me the ick as actual children that grew up physically but refused to do so mentally or emotionally. I’ve never understood the attraction some pick-me’s have towards men who are perpetual Peter Pans, it’s creepy and almost incestous to fuck someone you also have to mother.

Examples:

yelling at the television over a sports game. Crying when your team loses. Especially bad if the rant is full of profanity, racist or sexist slurs. The insults he goes to when he’s angry are the ones he’ll eventually use on you, this is where his internal dialogue goes when he’s upset, he’s not suddenly a decent guy who doesn’t call anyone a c#%€ when the game turns off.

Gamer rage. See above. Men who identify as gamers see gaming as a core part of who they are. A lot of gamer culture is toxic and misogynistic, there’s a lot of gate keeping between who is a real gamer or a poser, many men who are into gaming also identify as nerds who weren’t successful with women and have resentment left over from their high school years. Mind you these attitudes aren’t isolated to gaming, but because many of these men spend so much time online their behavior is normally apparent so it’s easier to call out this than idk, mechanics and car guys who meet locally and aren’t ever online.

Overly competitive or a sore loser.

Road rage (don’t date men who refuse to control their temper while operating a vehicle that can easily kill other people).

Complaining about following rules. The mask requirement, washing hand psas, mandatory vaccination for certain professions, social distancing, closing of businesses, etc has really outed the people who only care about themselves. Same as if they skip people in a line, speak loudly in a library, walk side by side in a group and take up the entire sidewalk, complain about accommodating bikers, spit in public… the list goes on.

Complaining about other people’s standards

Complaining about being expected to be an adult. If they rant about how awful work is or how mean their boss is, yet they’re really vague about the details or the situations they describe are basically about the boss wanting them to do what they’re paid to do. Complaining about family obligations like visits, gifts, or calls. Complaining about baby showers or weddings. Complaining about dealing with children or the elderly. Complaining about societal standards like dressing up for events, or showing up on time. Complaining about taking care of themselves: cooking, medical appointments, staying in shape, cleaning, hygiene, etc. Bonus points if they act like their way of thinking is more mature and superior than the rest of us, bonus points if he thinks he’s being different or a rebel for dressing in a t-shirt and jeans to a Baptism or wedding.

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-11-02T16:52:22+00:00

He was acting tough in front of other people, with good posture, deeper voice, very charismatic, but with me, he turned into different person. He was always making weird faces and sounds. Like he literally turned into Mr. Bean or Ace Ventura when we were alone. And one more thing - he was always sleepy or sleeping, nothing in between.

Bbqchilifries · 2021-11-03T10:15:28+00:00

When I told my ex bf I got raped while sleeping and that's why I couldn't have sex when I was barely awake and had to be fully woken up for ten minutes or so. Like him waking me up with fondling my breasts or vagina was incredibly triggering and I had to be 100% awake to get turned on.

"So you're just going to be broken forever?"

"I'm going to therapy for it. I am trying to fix it."

"Well maybe find a different one. This one is obviously not good."

This was the first therapist that actually had me say out loud that it was rape. Actually 100% rape.

I was sleeping and the guy next to me woke up really horny even though he was half asleep. He pretty much went through the motions but was not awake enough to be in tune to what was happening or pay attention and what was usually an enjoyable experience turned terrifying as I realized that he was simply treating me as a hole and nothing more. It's like sleep walking sex.

I started crying in the middle of it. And the next morning he remembered nothing of it and didn't believe me when I told him that we had sex.

And I couldn't handle being touched when I slept. Cuddle yes but if my boyfriend's fingers so much as touched my boob while I slept I'd freak out and have a panic attack. So our sex life turned into nothing because i was "never in the mood" and "frigid" but actually it turned into nothing because he couldn't fucking respect my boundaries and the fact that I couldn't turn my trauma off just like that. I definitely didn't get turned on by mild rape fantasies after that.

I'm still so fucking angry. He could easily gently wake me up till I was conscious, we could do some fun foreplay for five to ten movies but he was always too horny and impatient for that. He wanted to get into it right away.

And there's still a part of me that blames myself for it. That it would have been fine if I just slapped the guy completely awake and stopped it.

Antique_Fortune6974 · 2021-11-02T21:23:31+00:00

Never had a job in his life,doesn't know how to cook anything except hamburger helper,pizza and mac n cheese,played video games all day,his mom still booked his doc appointments for him... I almost forgot he was 25 and not 15... yuck.

Never again.

Softrito · 2021-11-02T21:25:07+00:00

If I can compare the ick to a feeling it would be the same feeling you get when you lose something valuable and reality sinks in.

MacDurce · 2021-11-03T01:49:31+00:00

Couldn't wash dishes properly, said he'd cook me dinner but had to be walked through every step till I was just doing it myself and other various forms of weaponised incompetence. Surprise surprise but feeling like someone's mother doesn't exactly make you horny. Also he jerked off in the shower and clogged the drain. Last straw 🤢

KatieKricket · 2021-11-03T06:48:23+00:00

Butt-smell.
I wish I was kidding.
No matter if we had just showered, obviously he would never do a thorough job, he bent over slightly and I could smell literal shit. He was pretty lv in many other ways I see now, but if he could not do me the minor courtesy of making sure I didn’t have to smell his ass during sex, he didn’t get anything else from me.

intergalacticanon44 · 2021-11-02T17:26:12+00:00

He wasn’t really a crush-crush but I kinda knew he liked me, he was v cute and my type but his personality gave me the ick. The entire time we worked together I avoided him like the plague because I didn’t want to get attached. Anyway, he’d do cringey things to catch my attention, for example, I’m VISIBLY muslim and he isn’t but he’d throw around “islamic” sayings and words whenever I was around and omg😭 the STRENGTH it took to not to tell him that I knew what he was doing😂😭

That was the first instance, another time was when he’d try to “set me up” with his best friend (who was also my friend) even though I was 100% sure he liked me. He’d say stuff like “I know you want to go and ask her what days she works so you can work together” when he thought I couldn’t hear, the next day, guess who’s asking me what days I work 🤣🙄 So I guess his behaviour here, idk even know what you’d call it, also gave me the ick.

Japanese-Spaghetti · 2021-11-04T23:08:09+00:00

Whenever I mentioned that I had a problem, instead of, “I’m sorry to hear that 🥺 what can I do to help?” my ex would only say “damn that’s crazy 😶 I hope you figure it out”. Like what kind of man is that 🤦‍♀️

katiekat0214 · 2021-11-02T13:10:55+00:00

Hope this isn't derailing, but dealing with this at work. I have eight so far in my work group, with 4-5 more coming to distribute the workload a bit more. Guy is short, cross-eyed, has a speech impediment, kind of mumbles, none of which makes for great communication. I'm not the only one who goes huh? what? EVERY time he speaks.

The worst to me is, he wants SO BAD to become a teacher, and wants to talk shop. I'm retired. I've used my words and said that: I'm RETIRED. I am BEYOND happy not to have to do that job anymore after 26 years of it. I've moved on! Yesterday, I was sitting alone, enjoying some alone and quiet time before we got started, and inevitably he wandered over. He asked me two questions; I replied with two very short answers, and looked down again at my phone. Dude, I'm out here sitting by myself. Read the room. Read my signals. Don't make me have a "come to Jesus" talk with you, because I'm not afraid to confront, just prefer not to.

All of this, even with work, is applicable to dating too. The moment any of us feel the ick, it's just time to nope out. I just know I'm giving this guy a wide berth, and keeping all interaction at the extreme bare minimum. Hello, companionable silence! And for dating, hello welcome breakup!

wet-plants · 2021-11-03T06:38:26+00:00

Seeing his filthy bathroom for the first time

chainsawbobcat · 2021-11-03T20:12:27+00:00

Oh this is a fun one!

I was with my ex for 8 years total, I left him 1.5 years ago (holy shit!) And we have a 3 year old daughter.

After about 1 year of dating I got him and I tickets to go see Common in concert for some holiday or birthday. He's a big fan. A day or two before the show we got into a big fight and I told him to just take a friend. And he did!!

Guess who wrote him 3 page letter that he never read?

I think about that moment all the time. My reaction was from a wounded place of feeling abandoned having been raised by a narcissist who would leave you the fuck behind if you weren't playing by their program. I wouldn't have had a good time with him had we not resolved whatever conflict first- i don't even remember the details of the fight because THAT'S NOT WHAT'S IMPORTANT. What's important is that dealing with whatever it was that mattered to me was not as attractive as his own comforts and desires. I think about that now and having experienced so much more life , I know exactly how it feels to not want to be there for someone's emotions bc you have better things to do. To NOT CARE about their shit I also know how it feels to love someone so much that you would rather be uncomfortable for the short term so that you can support them through and end on the same page. A relationship without that desire to sacrifice yourself for the good of the team is not one worth having.

No regrets, it's been a blessed journey 🙏

asocialsocialite · 2021-11-05T04:11:13+00:00

He kept a disgusting house. If I didn't clean it, it would remain that way.
He was always trying to triangulate women. He never wanted women that he was with to be friends with each other. He always tried to make sure there was a weird tension between all of us. Imagine when me and his ex-wife became fast friends?

housewivestea · 2021-11-03T10:45:52+00:00

There are many more overt I could mention but one that comes to mind was when dining with his parents he told us all he was thinking of using a different material to the one he was trained to use (a brand); a cheaper almost identical substance but without the brand name he marketed it as, you know to make more profit. He would sell work he was doing under the guise of this brand name but give clients something else. I just looked at them all and said but what about your integrity?

As I said, this is a lesser example of all I could choose but it gave me true insight into his value system, and of his parents when they didn’t discourage this.

msinclaire · 2021-11-03T03:41:41+00:00

My ex NVH was in the closet and I was too naive to figure it out. He would ogle every woman he came across right in front of me, but let me know I “just wasnt sexy”. Months would go by between sexual encounters with him and they would last 5 minutes and be quite dull, UNLESS he was doing cocaine. It turned him into a god and he would last an hour and was able to make me cum. I’m ashamed to say, I would go out and score drugs every now and then just so I could have some decent sex. He stopped with the blow and the great sex also stopped.

As if all this weren’t enough to give me the “ick”, toward the end he let me go 18 months without sex. He finally approached me and insisted that I get on top and ride him. Desperate for some connection, I asked him to look into my eyes. He opens his eyes real wide and stares at me exaggeratedly. It was the last straw . The “ick” took hold of me and I just dismounted and left the room. It was the last time we had any kind of sex, but now it was me avoiding him because the thought of him touching me made me dry heave. We divorced 6 months later.

Hateorade_ · 2021-11-03T05:35:45+00:00

I feel like I had multiple icks tbh and it took me just until a few months to see it all. First ick was when we were “tAlkinG” as teenagers and he keyed a customers car at his gas station job bc he pissed him off lol. Second ick was when he flirted behind my back and told me to stop talking to my friend who so kindly told me what he did. Third ick was when he would turn a plea for the communication into an argument and switch the narrative back to me . He would then stop talking to me for a few days and when I acknowledged that it was a fight, he said “it’s not a fight I’m just chilling”. Fourth ick was him not making plans for our third year anniversary (I did it) and him not talking to me for 10 days all bc of a minor familial incident.. meanwhile he was on social media during the time and even responded to one of my friends. I broke up with him.

Fifth and final ick was a few months ago when he hit me up asking to “catch up” as “friends”. What really got me was when I asked what a friend meant to him—any normal fucking person with emotional intelligence could tell you that a true friend is someone who respects you, who supports you, who brings out the best in you, who loves you, who enjoys doing new things with you, who is consistent; and who truly cares about you. When he sent me a fucking google screenshot of “define friend”, I was OUT. he then told me I was overthinking everything, I sent him a final message, and blocked his stupid fucking ass.

I had reached out to him a day after the breakup to fix his CoMmUniCaTioN but months afterwards, I learned my lesson. While I had learned my lesson and have seen my worth, he hadn’t. That fifth and final ick was what got me—he will NEVER change. I will always be the bitch that broke up with him, I will always be the bitch that he will regard me as to his friends and family but I don’t give a fuck. I did this for ME and ME only. Never again.

kimikupkake · 2021-11-03T23:45:50+00:00

So many triggers - a guy burped in front of me and didn't excuse himself. Showing up hammered. Acting like a literal child. And becoming dependent on me.

The ick feels like a panic attack/claustrophobia. I'm physically repulsed every time they contact me. And it's constant until I end it and then I can breathe again.

Constant-Wanderer · 2021-11-02T17:14:52+00:00

I was dating a guy who, on paper, was HV. Masters degree in biomechanical engineering, very good looking, very sweet, and we actually got along really well. I wasn’t looking for anything permanent, as I would be relocating within the year, but he was fun.

The one thing that kind of irked me was that he’d never been in a fight. Like never. Not even as a kid in school.

Normally, that’s not a bad thing, but hear me out.

Without going into any personal information that would out me in any way, my background and upbringing was fairly chaotic, and I’ve always valued in a man the ability to physically protect me. It’s attractive to me. Not knuckle-dragging brawlers, not people who start fights, but men who can and will protect me, physically as well as emotionally.

I was at this bf’s house when a friend/ex called me. (Again, without going into specifics) He was calling to say hi, but something was off. I pressed him, and it turns out that he’d just saved the life of a woman who was being beaten (presumably to death) by a man who’d just raped her. He subdued the man, knocking him out, and kept him from escaping before the cops showed up. (All in only grey sweatpants, because this was in his hotel)

When we got off the phone, I looked at my slightly tubby, non-confrontational date, who wouldn’t have been able to speak harsh words to a man attacking me, and I left.

Never slept with him again, there’s no way I could’ve gotten wet around him.

“Ick,” indeed.

Pryras · 2021-11-03T23:07:30+00:00

My ick list includes

Not understanding basic female anatomy (if you’re planning on having sex with someone, don’t be an idiot and read a book or two about what is normal. No porn doesn’t count.
Men who posture a lot and are overly concerned what their guy friends think
Any inclination that a man wants to be chased/pursued in any way (go put on a skirt and heels if you want to be chased so bad)
Not listening. Cutting you off mid sentence. Unable to remember important details about your life.

Longirl · 2021-11-03T07:15:33+00:00

I dumped my bf when we hit lockdown last year. He decided to stop working, claim benefits and ‘make music’ (this is a 40 year old man who really isn’t that good a musician). I overheard him on the phone to the benefits line and he was getting excited at the prospect of a few months off. I just looked at him and thought ‘you’re an irresponsible child poncing off our system’.

oceanbreeze88 · 2021-11-03T08:25:56+00:00

Do you think men go through the ick with us? If so how would we be able to tell?

2021-11-02T20:48:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	The Ick
Author	hensbanex
Upvotes	826
Comments	169
Date	November 2, 2021 12:24 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ql30yl/the_ick/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-ick.1080424 https://theredarchive.com/post/1080424

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