Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In

vvioletwwitch · 2021-06-21T14:35:17+00:00

Dropping a reminder to trust your intuition, even if men and pickmeishas around you tell you that you’re overreacting. Your intuition is your brain telling you something isn’t quite right. Listen to it and investigate it.

You don’t owe anyone a second chance or an explanation, you are free to end an arrangement with someone at any time. View dating like auditions and only pick the very best person for the role. Don’t allow someone to stay in your life out of niceness or pity. At the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life and ignoring your intuition is a sure-fire way to end up unhappy.

spiderunderweb · 2021-06-21T11:36:04+00:00

Currently on holidays in New Zealand, relaxing and having no man to worry about texting. It’s nice having solitude. At night time, I am spending time with my family and reflecting on self growth 🥰

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-06-21T11:44:25+00:00

Hi, I just came here to say that dick size matters

Have a good day and stay hydrated 😘

Blackbeakvesta · 2021-06-21T14:00:47+00:00

I wanted to share one of my favourite books called Language of Thorns: Tales of Dark and Dangerous Magic by Leigh Bardugo who is one of my favourite authors (I know she has an adaptation of a series on Netflix but I haven't watched this).

She mainly writes young adult fantasy but there is very little romance and it is more about strong characters. She has a one off book of modern fairytales and I wish I had a book like this growing up. It teaches so many lessons.

Here are some of my favourite quotes if you are interested. I hope some of you get the chance to read it!

"We were not made to please princes"

"Will you remain here with the father who tried to sell you, or the prince who hoped to buy you, or the man too weak to solve his riddles for himself? Or will you come with me and be the bride to nothing but the shore?"

"That is the problem with even lesser demons. They come to you doorstep in velvet coats and polished shoes. They tip their hats and smile and demonstrate good table manners. They never show you their tails".

"You are woth more than that. You should not have to earn him".

deadinsidelol69 · 2021-06-21T19:28:55+00:00

Sat on a date with a LVM a while ago. He did a pretty good job pretending to have HV traits over text, all I did on the date was sit there and listen to him brag about how LV he was. Blocked and deleted. A method I like to use is to just sit in silence on a date. The LVM do all the work after that and without fail, tell on themselves.

I'm just about tired of going on dates, men don't even fucking try anymore.

starlight_sequence · 2021-06-21T14:40:43+00:00

You guys. I thought maybe sex was just boring and not something I liked very much. But it turns out my ex was just bad at it. Something about just… everything that my new BF does (and ngl the size helps) feels amazing 😭

undertheunderbelly · 2021-06-21T15:28:46+00:00

Went on 2 dates with women over the past weekend during the heatwave and while they were both beautiful and great, didn't feel that "click". The first one there was some connection, but she was recovering from a divorce with 5 children and we just decided that it was best we stay friends. The other one was nice, but awkward, and we agreed it was best that we just play wingwoman if we hung out at a gay bar together.

Also I ended up going to a new gay bar in town on my own and it was so refreshing. Just dancing and people watching. Great times, highly recommended.

marpu_el_magnifico · 2021-06-22T11:30:06+00:00

Ladies, i got the job i applied for and start in 3 weeks! Here is to the new chapter in my life. Total man ban and I am going to concentrate on career, networking and fitness!

Golden_Lavender · 2021-06-22T18:41:47+00:00

So I've been thinking a lot of black women especially dark skin women having to deal with being aged up as young as 5 and it is definitely a unique form of misogynoir as compared to the infantilization and chasing of youth that white women in America experience.

With white women their experience is one where they are constantly trying to appear more youthful and hide their age. For them there is the threat of hitting the wall and to see aging as a terrible thing.

Black women specifically dark skin women do not experience this fear of leaving girlhood because they were never allowed to experience it. In a study done on the "adultification bias", "the phenomenon where adults perceive Black youth as being older than they actually are. When the adultification bias was examined, one study found that Black girls as young as five years old were perceived as being less needing of protection and nurturing, compared to their white counterparts".

This perception as well as the masculinization and dehumanization afflicts black girls in numerous ways, such as seeing them as less gentle, harsher punishments, sexualizing them at an earlier age and invalidating their pain. Since so many young black girls are not allowed to experience innocence and femininity they look forward towards aging as a good thing as they are finally allowed to be seen and treated ( albeit harshly because of racism/colorism) age appropriately. (Thus the black don't crack montra) One thing to note is the difference between light skin and dark skin black women in treatment. Since black women of lighter complexions have closer proximity to whiteness they are allowed to experience empathy and be seen as feminine. This is also why do many movies and tv shows default to light skin and biracial women as representation because non black audiences are more likely to emphasize with them.

This mistreatment of dark skin girls not only causes them to grow faster emotionally than their peers due to adult treatment but also in my opinion, causes them to establish their femininity through "promiscuity" because of masculinization throughout their adolescence.

This treatment also results in how DSBW navigate dating. They accept lukewarm interest and mistreatment because they feel as though they cannot do better. This is only further reinforced by the ride or die/struggle love mindset that a lot of black boomers and millennials have when it comes to dating in the community (interracial dating is has it's own set of problems.)

LizzoSaidTruthHurts · 2021-06-21T11:34:42+00:00

Big reminder to READ THE HANDBOOK. I had been struggling with not receiving any attention from men. It was affecting my confidence and it made me think I’m a LVW. Not because of anything I was doing but what they weren’t doing. I read the handbook and it helped me figure out that I am in fact a HVW, independent of how any man may look at me. Thank you all for that resource!

alphasquish · 2021-06-21T16:03:33+00:00

I am on the fence about giving up alcohol completely. I’ve cut way, way back. I just don’t think it serves me anymore. It’s just hard to take that step because it’s so ingrained into my social life.

W3remaid · 2021-06-21T12:33:31+00:00

So I have this slightly younger friend who is a bit naive about men, and has giant pickme tendencies. As a result she’s been hurt physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually, countless times, and is trying to pull herself out of it. She’s a very intelligent and kind person, but she just has very poor self esteem and compulsively seeks male validation. We were talking the other day about blocking and deleting, and she mentioned that it doesn’t work for her and she prefers to just delete and hope they never contact her again. I told her why this is a bad strategy, and she agrees, but according to her when you block a number, the number is saved in the “blocked numbers” section of the settings folder and it’s too much of a temptation for her. She says she can’t help herself and “has to” reach out if the number is available.

I know she has to want to change— but I feel like she really does. Does anyone have advice i can give her?

ThrowawayKITTY777 · 2021-06-21T17:51:31+00:00

Been busy as hell making a big push to get the garage apartment and basement apartment built up to the point where the plumbers can come do their thing. I usually come home from work and jump right into building, my husband has been doing the same.

Got walls done, floors done, 75% of electrical done. So since plumbers are coming July 5th I'll be busy as hell for the next two weeks still. My HVM little brother is flying in today to spend his vacation doing construction with me so with the extra pair of hands I'm sure we can get it done. Plus YAY, baby bro is visiting!!! I haven't seen family in person since Covid started and I miss them like crazy.

I've finally learned the proper way to do house electrical from my husband.... I still gotta check the diagrams every time but I'm getting better at it each time I work on it. So new skill for me out of all this.

Networked 2 other ladies off of camgirl sites into real jobs that pay decent. Have feelers out to 3 more ladies who are doing camgirl stuff and I have jobs available through my network for 6 more people.

Realized raises for my assistant were at MY discretion according to the company policy so went ahead and bumped my awesome assistant up to $23.50 an hour which is the highest allowed in the budget. ( Which made the dudes in my office have to give THEIR assistants a raise too so it was a nice score for everyone )

Everyone else I placed in jobs are happy and doing well. The lady I sent to the antique auction is getting sent to learn valuation by her new bosses, so she'll get a raise and a nicer job title after her classes... that the bosses paid for.

The lady I networked into the apartment manager job is just about to move into her new place through work. Good for her and great for me as I have someone waiting to move into that spare apartment who needs to leave a bad situation but she thinks she can hold on until the other lady moves out. ( If not I have the backup of stashing her in my guest room if there's an emergency )

The hope is we'll have the two apartments at my house ready to go by end of July to offer to women in need.... because I'm seeing a lot of need out there. And this is just among bar and party and metal/goth scene acquaintances.... out of all the people I haven't seen in over a year due to Covid, the women have been hit the hardest with money troubles, men acting bad, relationships crumbling, living situations going sour.

Right now the networking website I wanted to build is on hold until I'm done with the construction at home. I've paid the ladies who designed it and set a contract where the website goes up in September. Crossing my fingers I can hold to schedule.

And that is my crazy busy life the past month or so since I started this "Help Women Quit OnlyFans" project.

myoklife · 2021-06-21T17:28:41+00:00

Tldr ex still texts my phone after I blocked him and I can see the texts, it's been too long for this to be acceptable

So I am livid. I just discovered by accident that even when I block someone, I still technically receive their messages (Google phone). They just go to a "blocked" folder. .

So my last relationship lasted about six months and ended over a year ago. It was awful: lots of future-faking/love-bombing followed by major mask slippage and total lvm narcissist manchild behavior. Porn addiction so bad his dick was bent and all kinds of broken. The usual. The last straw was around when I found how extensive his stalking of his ex was (his ex from high school, who he stalked severely for more than 5 years) which led to a fight and he was actually the one who dumped ME over text. Good riddance. I moved on within days and am the best I have ever been now.

But guess who has been texting me monthly! I blocked him (and told him so) in SEPTEMBER. This has been going on for longer than our relationship. Sad, pathetic, yet somehow SUPER gaslighty texts almost monthly on the dot. Example: "I wish we knew how to communicate better" as a standalone text. Nah bro one of us was communicating fine.

Anyways. It really triggers me each time I find out he continues to do this, especially since with his last gf it lasted years and I saw firsthand through light snooping (no regrets) just how bad it was.

So I'm mostly venting. But I know this guy's behavior is really skirting stalking/harassment. Wish there was a way for him to be held accountable. I'm just not willing to put in that much effort for someone who is clearly just a sad obsessive loser.

springtulip475 · 2021-06-21T13:08:58+00:00

hey, i’ve been wondering how to vet a man’s family when meeting them. i’ve looked for strategy posts about first meeting with parents/siblings and how family gatherings should be like but i haven’t found anything. if anyone has any tips or strategies they’d like to share, i’d love to hear them. and i think it would be a good idea if anyone would like to write a strategy post on this!

Dazzling_Grass1727 · 2021-06-21T13:38:25+00:00

Hi! New here! Amazed to see a community like this exists!

throwaway8437764 · 2021-06-21T22:44:25+00:00

How do you forgive yourself for how you let a LVM treat you, after you'd already discovered FDS?

I guess a part of me is like "I was already in FDS, I should have known". 😭

I think how I tolerated his mistreatment was a lot better than it would have been had I not discovered FDS, but it still wasn't great. It's still embarrassing to reflect upon. I overlooked a lot of red flags.

AlwaysHeartbrokenG · 2021-06-22T13:00:24+00:00

I need to drop in a rant here in the comment that’s super triggering for me. I have so many male friends who admitted/saying that they don’t believe in marriage or don’t see themselves getting married, but they’d be having one girlfriend for years and not being “clear” about their intentions.

Recently an old friend from middle school admitted this to me and added “i know i’d been with my girlfriend since 2017, but honestly I don’t think i’ll marry her ever.” And I remember asking “have you told her this?” I mean does he know how much he’s wasting this girl’s time? Especially if she considers having a child and they’re going into their late 20ies? And he simply said “well i never propose to her” And omg it triggers me so much, how little he cares about her well-being, her future. But also fact that this girl is staying and accepting this! Urgh

throwaway8437764 · 2021-06-26T04:56:12+00:00

Y'all, I'm looking through one of the dating subs for older people (I know we can't name sub names, but as a hint, it's for people over the age where "women have hit the wall").

There, I came across a post where a woman says she has a bit of trauma from her ex who nickled and dimed her, kept extreme tabs on all the money they spent and made sure everything was split evenly, down to the penny. She recalls their first date together and how he didn't even offer to pay for her $2 coffee and how she should have caught that red flag early on.

She then asks how she can avoid dating cheap men like this in the future—and she's being absolutely obliterated in the comments.

Apparently not wanting to date men who won't pay for your $2 coffee on the first date is "entitled," "embarrassing" and "makes you a gold-digger". She's being dragged by both men and women alike.

I fucking hate it here, women can't have anything.

CynicalSucculent · 2021-06-23T02:02:59+00:00

I screwed up ladies.. Went back to an ex. I really thought it would work out this time. We talked through our differences, or so I thought. And we were ready to give another shot.

I was honest with him and told him that I had been with other people when we weren't together.

He called me a slut and I kicked him out of my apartment. He didn't go without a fight, though. Took me an hour to get him to leave.

It sucks but I think I'll be ok.

HereForTheFreeFoodOk · 2021-06-21T11:58:17+00:00

Dr Ramani broke down in a video this week. It broke my heart.

It was a video about PTSD symptoms which I struggle with alot with. While Dr Ramani was talking about the sleeping problems, difficulty concentrating, easily startled responses.... she admitted that she was experiencing these too and broke down on camera

Dr Ramani went on to admit that she is going through something right now - and see her crumble was heartbreaking as she is always a beacon of strength for me and gives me guiding-light-mama energy.

Teed up link

Send her some love via YT if you can.

Also, Shallon Lester - anyone have opinions on her?

YouTube recommended me via it's algorithm .... and I am sensing she has a severe personality disorder? She spews alot of toxic content and she has the mentality if a bitchy 16yo - yet she is in her 40s. Can anyone provide insight into her? She is quite grating and to me - screams Low Value Woman. She boasts about giving blowjob in carparks. Um. wut?

Sana_Del_Dre · 2021-06-22T10:30:39+00:00

I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year and a half and engaged since six months. FDS made me realize what I want and that I should value myself first. I am slowly realizing that the man I’m with is a narcissistic, egotistical and emotional immature child who throws tantrums when he gets his attention denied. Yesterday we had a fight and a had to take time for myself and he accused me of treating him with silent treatment, although I was then one being upset and crying. Ladies, never stop vetting!

Thank you FDS

LadieLemon · 2021-06-22T20:56:25+00:00

I was away for a little while, and checking back in with FDS felt like stepping into a warm bath 🥰 I'm thankful for such a big community of women, and thank you mods for all of the hard work that you do!

SinisterSincerely · 2021-06-23T02:47:05+00:00

A male friend recently announced his declaration of love to me, then immediately lightly pressured me on doing a three day trip cross states as he moves - I have been ignoring him.. because obviously its all a bit much. Just. Why even do that?

papanezismysaviour · 2021-06-22T05:56:42+00:00

Will there ever be a revised version of the handbook in pdf?

NotYourCirce · 2021-06-22T20:21:45+00:00

Feeling frustrated with a FB women’s group I’m in. They love to go off topic and ask each other for relationship advice. All the commenters will suggest “communication “ and “maybe he’s depressed“ when the poster complains her boyfriend isn’t doing what she asked and he’s hurting her feelings. Same story we’ve all heard.

Every time I tell her it’s time to dump him but I’m the only one saying it. I want to help but most women don’t want to listen and seem to think breaking up with someone who makes them miserable is a radical idea. The emotional labor is taking its toll

oddcharm · 2021-06-22T02:01:18+00:00

Ok FDS, what do you do to show interest in someone you are dating without seeming desperate? I usually sit back and let them initiate plans and texts entirely but I’m having second thoughts, only because I wonder what HVM would be into a woman who doesn’t ever indicate interest? So what is your approach?

May end up just posting to askFDS

edit: so I responded to someone about this already but I guess my concerns are more about emotional availability vs displaying interest. If anyone else comes across this comment, maybe if you care to elaborate more on building an emotional connection that would help more :)

laurencetrishburn · 2021-06-22T04:17:37+00:00

Thinking of getting off social again. Tell me to do it ladies!

laffytaggy · 2021-06-23T00:08:54+00:00

I miss affection so so much. I am not settling for cheap affection… tho I have countless numbers of men I know that would gladly come keep me company. I want the real thing. It’s hard right now. I just want to be embraced and held. I almost gave in the other day with a LVM but reminded myself of the dangers of even having a casual hook up.

gingerandlime · 2021-06-24T13:24:00+00:00

As much as I want to keep positive energy in this space, I'm really disappointed. I'd been on four really good dates with a man and while of course I was still only starting to gather information about who he is and how he conducts his life, I felt very confident and certain that we were going to keep going on dates. Then the day after a lovely date, I get the "it's not clicking for me, best wishes" type of text.

I was just really enjoying having someone who seemed like a potential fit for me acting like he wanted to truly and appropriately date me. It seemed like we were both really enjoying that interaction. I'm frustrated to feel like there's nothing I can learn from this except, well, sometimes showing interest doesn't mean there's real interest.

starlight_sequence · 2021-06-23T14:42:19+00:00

I applied for a promotion and didn't even get selected to interview. For context, the role I'm in now essentially a support role to the type of work I want to be doing. But unfortunately, even though everything I'm doing is directly related to that type of work, a lot of people in my field don't see it as "real" experience if you're not the one getting your hands dirty. That said, I could absolutely do the job no problem.

Honestly, I knew it was going to be a long shot. The hiring manager for the position and I don't have the best working relationship. She's a "steamroller" and doesn't like it when I put my boundaries around my work and energy. She's even set up a meeting with my boss to complain about me, and does this weird game of telephone to tell him what she needs me to do for her. I wasn't sure I wanted her as my supervisor anyway.

I'm not upset about not getting selected, but I am salty that she let me receive an automated email that I wasn't selected rather than reaching out to me personally. I'm her dedicated liaison, we work together regularly, I think it would have been polite.

Still, I'm proud of myself for my putting myself out there and not worrying about whether it would be "embarrassing" to try! Have the confidence of a mediocre white man, right?

miwamus · 2021-06-21T17:52:29+00:00

Ladies!

I got a date on Friday!! He wrote D-A-T-E. He asked if I preferred Friday or Saturday. He asked if I preferred to go out eating or doing an activity. He ASSUMED that he'll be doing the driving.

He's 10 years younger and attractive to the point that I almost didn't bother talking to him.

Thank you, all you lovely ladies!

Articles_Seperated · 2021-06-22T11:22:59+00:00

Focusing on myself is what I need right now. I look forward to being in a place when I am open to finding someone. A lot has to do with accepting the male glare and being myself when the right person comes along.

I love that FDS understand's and promotes Gift of Fear. I've lost a loved one to femicide. An abusive ex partner turned stalker turned murderer. It has kept me from being open with my body. Also being drugged at a bar once and nearly raped, then stalked by the guy that drugged me. A lot of reasons to choose safety over men. A lot of that comes from fear. Which is healthy and natural. But it has been overwhelming my life.

I know that ideally I want a long term relationship with someone who is my partner in every way. I love a lot about being in relationships and men (not boys as I often call LVM). I moved cross country for a boy aka LVM idk if he was a man the lv part fits but he was a boy. Idk.. focusing on me to flbe in a better place to find the right one for my new elevated sense of self. Personal battles being waged on boundaries and codependency from an alcoholic family member. I did CODA for women only groups would be good, like so many about LVM. And special women only space.

All love and respect to the Queens in every stage of self discovery.

HoneyBouquet · 2021-06-21T23:04:52+00:00

2 months until my move to UAE. Getting everything packed and sorted.

Manifested my dream job queens and I will update FDS with dating situation in UAE as an expat Muslim woman.

Writing my book while I wait to move. Hope to get most of it done in these months.

I'm not talking to any man atm and dont plan to until I move.

Gambit12345 · 2021-06-21T12:03:28+00:00

Lately I’ve been somewhat interested in a guy. We met a couple years ago but over the last year we’d been interacting a bit more over IG. he started inviting me out as covid restrictions lifted. I’ve seen him a couple times in a group setting. Slowly I’ve become interested in him. And I wanted to talk about the way men creep into our line of sight. He was never outright flirty. Mostly would write to me to discuss similar interests. He is a breath of fresh air because he has a lot of traits I wish my ex had. He has plenty of vices as well. A couple times now he has pitched ideas to me like “would you be interested in xyz” if I say yea he never actually follows up. And he takes his sweet time responding to texts. I’ve read through the handbook and know a man who doesn’t set a date and time is likely keeping his options open. They also try to get you conditioned to expecting their texts. I haven’t even been single a year and I don’t want to be in a relationship with this guy. But he is fun to be around and I know he’s attracted to me as most men usually are attracted to their female friends. The dopamine rush I got from being around him and flirting was intense. For the first time since I was with my ex I actually feel my sex drive returning. I’ve had to check myself multiple times lately because I’m not giving myself to a dude who won’t set a date. So I’m falling back from him and in the market for a vibrator✨

Ruffle11 · 2021-06-22T16:56:53+00:00

Question do you guys try to befriend coworkers? I just started my career and I can already see how catty people can be with each other. Like I want to take to them and have fun because work is so many hours it’s nice to get along with people but when I see the drama it’s like ugh... I guess I’ll just come to work and do my shit and leave :/

cantstuntbikerbitch · 2021-06-25T19:04:13+00:00

Feeling really good this week, but somehow overwhelmed. I keep getting hit with random crazy expenses that I can't afford and now have no savings left. So stressful. But I am focusing on things I can control and trying to budget myself!

thetinymousey · 2021-06-22T02:03:34+00:00

Just wanna say thanks for all the mods doing all this amazing work as always. Thank you for this space. I feel so safe and cared for here. Much love and thank you ❤️

macabrasive · 2021-06-26T15:02:03+00:00

I recently split with my ex and had a good chat with a girl friend last night that made me feel pretty good about myself. She reminded me that I’m self-sufficient, independent, valuable, hot, and that anybody that couldn’t see and value me was a fucking idiot. She was a bit drunk but it was lovely to hear and to know I have women in my life to help build me up when I need those reminders.

afab_100 · 2021-06-29T03:05:42+00:00

My boyfriend disregarded my "no"s and kept pressuring me to do stuff until I didnt say "no" and he took that as consent and did what he wanted. I need to be snapped to reality and stop justifying what he did

File-Own · 2021-06-21T17:20:14+00:00

Has anyone noticed that HVM tend to prefer women who look more "natural," whereas LVM, esp. sex addicted LVM, go for the whole sex doll, Instagram makeup, pornified revealing outfits look? And HVM tend to compliment women on their looks whereas LVM will either narcissistically idealise them into goddesses or cut them down?

Recently "blocked and deleted" an LVM who tried to neg and pit me against "high maintenance" looking women - the Instagram model types who wear a ton of makeup, etc. Funny thing is, I'm naturally pretty anyway and do wear natural makeup and dress nicely in an English rose way (lace dresses etc). He just liked the Kylie Jenner look.

Well, today I went out to the shops looking relatively slobby by my standards (no make-up, oversized brown trench coat, loose green corporate trousers and trainers). I was feeling myself though and walked past a tall very handsome workman who stared at me before remarking to his friends "class" (A compliment in the UK where I live).

Obviously there's no way of knowing if this guy was HVM or not (in fact I get tense around groups of guys like that in general). But it made me think, no WAY would an LVM like the one I was texting ever have complimented me in an outfit like that, especially to other guys. They like their women to look like sex dolls.

Thoughts ladies? :)

Livia_Drusila · 2021-06-22T18:45:46+00:00

I have a question! Since the 50/50 issue was discussed this week, there's an ex (the only partner I had) who I sometimes remember longingly. However, the thread reminded me that once I started working (I made the bare minimum and was overworked, while he made much more and only went to his office for 3 hours a day since his dad put him there) he told me to "put both of our salaries together and divide it in half". I had a nervous breakdown and went back to being unemployed anyway, because I just wanted to go to college like any normal 21 yo (he was 35...) Can you help me and tell me how that arrangement would have benefitted him?

CroneRaisedMaiden · 2021-06-23T06:28:13+00:00

Planning a getaway over my American Independence Day, been dealing with a lot at work just pressure and stress. Weight of the world on my shoulders etc. I’ve commented in the FDS weekly check in before that I get really nervous about traveling alone, I’m going to plan something for myself that’s just a bit out of my comfort zone. Nothing too crazy like out of the country alone yet, but just far enough that it’s growth and change!! :) thanks FDS

fleuretpomme · 2021-06-21T16:58:30+00:00

Last time I went through a breakup, I reassessed my life and goals. I ended up losing 20 lbs, buying a house by myself, and getting a big girl job making close to six figures.

I haven't been in a relationship since then, partially by choice due to staying true to boundaries and standards and partially due to lack of options. I have however grown my friend network among men and women. One friend ghosted me out of nowhere shortly after they were moody (unrelated to me) and straight up left me alone in a wooded area by myself. I called it out and they were like "I'm going through something, why do I have to let people know (before disappearing)"?

They've done some other stuff, so I've since decided to end the friendship and glow up again. edit to add: the ghosting hit a nerve in me in an unexpected way. I don't want to be their friend or hear from them as I'm happier when they're not around. But a part of me wants them to come back to apologize. I guess I want them to fix their personality problems and come back as a better friend which I know is a futile thing to think

I've put together a weight lifting routine but I'm nervous to go. I'm going to search the sub later to see if there's any tips for surviving the gym and gymbros

babysoymilk · 2021-06-24T14:37:47+00:00

I am starting a new antidepressant on Monday and I really really hope it works... but it will be my fifth and it's hard not to feel negative about it. I'm wondering if maybe there are people who don't profit from antidepressant use because their issues aren't caused by a ~chemical imbalance~ or whatever. I'm also dreading side effects (it's supposed to frequently cause excessive sweating, and I'm already a sweaty person). I'm trying to go into this with a positive outlook to avoid nocebo effect.

Maude2010 · 2021-06-26T22:35:39+00:00

I’m really happy with where I’m at right now. Despite a rough year, I’m doing well professionally, I’m taking care of myself, my relationships with HV people are good, and I’ve culled everyone else.

The one problem is that I cannot seem to stop “hate following” someone on social media. She’s someone I used to know casually and she’s now an influencer. I don’t respect her and I hate everything about her lifestyle and the fact that she’s now rich and famous. I resent her success, not because I’m jealous (I’m doing fine), but because I think it reflects so poorly on the state of the world. And it seems like every day, her success makes her even more pretentious and full of herself.

Unfollowing or blocking doesn’t help, because I’ll still check in to see what she’s up to.

I know that I’m only hurting myself, that she’s “living in my head rent-free”, etcetera, but I can’t stop, and I’m angry at myself.

BusinessTwistofLime · 2021-06-28T19:18:46+00:00

Has anyone read this post on Medium titled: “Pick Me Girl” — The New Term Being Used to Shame Women It’s not OK, and we need to stop it?

I can't read the article (paywall), but it seems relevant to this subreddit since it seems like it is alluding to us. medium article

laffytaggy · 2021-06-29T00:56:02+00:00

I love you ladies that teach FDS values. Seriously, I am really grateful. To the mods, founders, participants, those struggling to learn. I always try to find meaning (maybe its a coping mechanism) and was troubled by the fact that I dated a LVM for 6 months that led me on when I thought I struck a goldmine by finding him (hot, rich, athletic). I came to reddit confused and seeking advice from strangers bc I was too embarrassed to tell my friends the disturbing details of his behavior. Sometimes I get upset I wasted 6 months with him and more time getting over him/considering reconciling. But someone on reddit DM’d me and told me about FDS. I wasn’t active on reddit then and generally ignored messages. But I circled back to that message and checked out FDS. That was about 9 months ago. Everything clicks now. Even my relationship with my mother improved (I always thought she was tense and took my dads side…but she really is a Queen). I honestly thought reddit was for weirdos. But the fact that women, wise women at that, take time out of their lives to teach us, show us the light…I am SO thankful. I am not exaggerating or joking when I say you guys saved my life. You really have. I have NO doubt I would have taken my ex back if I was not directed here. I wanted to reconcile with him so badly, and he did come back…but it was too late, as I was already too deep in the truth. I shudder to think who I would be with, how I would feel about myself and other women right now if not for FDS. You all saved me. When I get home I’ll make a donation to the podcast. 😘

adventurelillypad · 2021-06-29T16:20:00+00:00

I just saw this sub being mentioned in an ask Reddit post about the worst subs on Reddit. People are saying it’s the worst sub on Reddit. It’s being listed amongst subs that mention literal child abuse or rape p*rn. I fucking hate Reddit. God forbid women have a space to talk about finding healthy relationships.

elliecat1 · 2021-06-28T09:52:08+00:00

Hi good people of FDS! I was curious if anyone has experienced really missing a partner on the days you’re apart. I tend to see my boyfriend 2x a week, and despite being extremely busy, I find I miss him so much. More than I would like. Does anyone have any tips on this? I workout 4-6x a week, work full time in a six figure job, have my own little business on the side but I really find I miss him a LOT.

CommercialOriginal16 · 2021-06-21T13:34:33+00:00

I’ve met a guy we’ve gone on one date and met once at the park. He seems very interested. Setting dates as soon as he is walking me to my car. I’m also interested. After our first date he tried to kiss me and I moved away, a kiss for me on the first date is too soon. He has not yet tried to do anything else but I would like to set some boundaries. Not sure if talking to him about it is a good idea or just established them? How do I do that ?

2021-06-24T17:11:21+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ScallionOk958 · 2021-06-30T02:08:56+00:00

Does anyone even enjoy being jackhammered?

Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In

Comments

if they wanted to, they would.

Title	Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In
Author	Unlikely-Marzipan
Upvotes	117
Comments	225
Date	June 21, 2021 11:09 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/o4so6d/weekly_fds_chat_checkin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-chat-check-in.785643 https://theredarchive.com/post/785643