What’s your best FDS quote?

arnezuara · 2021-08-19T02:23:18+00:00

”Listen to their words, but also let their actions be your guide.”

arnezuara · 2021-08-19T02:12:52+00:00

”A bad decision is not yourself in entirety. This is a moment of growth and part of it feels shitty.”

GlitterLoveAngel · 2021-08-19T03:31:46+00:00

“Damned if you do, NOT damned if you don’t. DON'T DO IT!”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“Stop doing things out of guilt or pressure. His jokes are unfunny and straight up rude? Don’t laugh at them just because you feel like you should make him feel better about himself. It’ll do nothing for you in the end.”

“The bare minimum is not attractive. Stop treating it like it’s some sort of luxury.”

“Self respect is everything.”

“Focus on you before you focus on a man.”

“If they wanted to, they would.”

I said they because this also applies to women too. I often see ladies here asking about female friends and if they should stay friends with them even if they were toxic and obviously didn’t respect them.

“If they truly loved you, they wouldn’t treat you and make you feel like shit.”

This applies to everyone. I often reminded myself about this when I had to deal with my narc parents.

“Always listen to your intuition.”

May edit if I think of more.

Turbulent_Buffalo_28 · 2021-08-19T04:36:56+00:00

Not exactly a FDS quote: « To the woman called agressive, keep being assertive. To the woman called bossy, keep on leading. To the woman called difficult, keep telling the truth. To the woman called « too much », keep taking up space. To the woman called awkward, keep asking tough questions »

miloba_ · 2021-08-19T06:11:12+00:00

Don’t fall in love with potential.

arnezuara · 2021-08-19T02:04:24+00:00

Mine is: “Always keep a part of yourself, to yourself and yourself alone”

Catz10000 · 2021-08-19T02:16:21+00:00

These are all great. Saving this post. Adding: Women are not rehabilitation centres for men.

SleepyLibraryScorpio · 2021-08-19T03:45:45+00:00

“Love shouldn’t hurt.”

whiskey_and_oreos · 2021-08-19T02:15:49+00:00

If he wanted to, he would.

Any_Indication_2754 · 2021-08-19T04:37:23+00:00

"The egg doesnt chase the sperm" "If he wanted to he would" "A man worth crying over wont make you cry"

flannel_cure · 2021-08-19T06:15:25+00:00

They say if a man hits you once, he’ll hit you again. And the same is true for lying.

Alpha_Aries · 2021-08-19T06:36:27+00:00

If a man tells you who he is, believe him

Turbulent_Buffalo_28 · 2021-08-19T04:41:45+00:00

« You cannot rely on « men’s potential » » Learnt it the hard way

pathalienation · 2021-08-19T04:21:33+00:00

This is not a quote but a message to OP. Good for you for reaching out to nourish yourself here, in a safe space where you truly can honor your needs and receive support. You are smart and strong, and you’re gonna make it through this tough time. Hugs, Sis!

CoconutYogurtCEO · 2021-08-19T02:29:57+00:00

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU DO OR SAY .. YOU COULD BE PERFECT TO A T AND MEN WILL STILL ACT HOW THEY WANT

arnezuara · 2021-08-19T02:18:29+00:00

“A LVM cannot be gentle because gentleness is a combination of strength, restraint, consideration, and respect.”

OrangeyPanda · 2021-08-19T03:00:15+00:00

If I'm too much, go find less.

ceramicunicorn · 2021-08-19T02:14:59+00:00

Men move mountains for what they truly want. If he wanted to, he would.

LucyStar3 · 2021-08-19T07:30:48+00:00

"If you put a small value on yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price".

People will always bargain to set a lower price, never the other way round. You have to be your negotiator and standard-setter.

zorra666 · 2021-08-19T05:06:53+00:00

If the house is on fire, don't sit around trying to figure out why. Get out of the house.

arnezuara · 2021-08-19T02:11:39+00:00

”If I have to try and maneuver him into pulling his weight, he’s not worth it.”

CoconutYogurtCEO · 2021-08-19T02:04:18+00:00

"you get one chance and even THAT's generous"

"come correct or don't come at all"

"no offense to that guy but if he stopped talking to me I wouldn't even bat an eyelash"

^these are less deep but quick ones that I've picked up from comments/posts/tik toks on here - I know they aren't super applicable to a breakup but they help me feel like a badass and get my mindset back to the right spot when a guy even slightly disrupts it!!

I will comment again if I think of more! :)

thatbitchfrom6C · 2021-08-19T02:49:52+00:00

“Block and delete”

lastlawless · 2021-08-19T02:56:44+00:00

Men can desire women and hate them at the same time.

scooter_se · 2021-08-19T02:43:58+00:00

“Men don’t wash their ass”

electroloop · 2021-08-19T02:12:10+00:00

DICK IS ABUNDANT AND OF LOW VALUE!

arnezuara · 2021-08-19T02:19:47+00:00

”Men do not change for who they want. They saw someone who they want and are keeping up an act to keep having access to it.”

adalovelace1793--- · 2021-08-19T07:48:27+00:00

Don't be a mommybangmaid.

flowerpower102938 · 2021-08-19T03:12:19+00:00

[permanently deleted]

greatornothing · 2021-08-19T02:25:56+00:00

I just learned this one: "You can feel alone in a marriage too." I'm going to try to remember it whenever I feel bad about being single

GiraffeLibrarian · 2021-08-19T09:17:32+00:00

The first response I got to my first comment. “You are worth more than coffee.”

Sounds small but it changed me for the better.

Altowhovian93 · 2021-08-19T05:30:32+00:00

If he wanted to he would Don’t be anyone’s free therapy You are worth and deserve more than a free date There are no petty reasons to break up Block and delete!

saraswati_beans · 2021-08-19T03:43:17+00:00

The egg does not swim to the sperm

excusemeILY · 2021-08-19T07:34:11+00:00

I’m the prize

queenofswordsxxx · 2021-08-19T02:29:17+00:00

The sperm chases the egg.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-08-19T04:01:50+00:00

He would treat any woman this way, even his dream girl.

Not_2day_Baby · 2021-08-19T07:50:45+00:00

Awesome question! I never forget what my LV ex said to me while we were in a relationship..

“You will be fine when it’s over.”

At that time it was a manipulation tactic, because he knew I was afraid to lose him. But many drama, gaslighting and fights and arguments later I knew he was toxic af and he was right all along.

It’s all romantic and shit to think you can’t live without someone. But it’s a toxic thought. You will be OKAY!

Vrijesak · 2021-08-19T09:04:53+00:00

"It is only fair and natural that the females are the ones who choose who is worthy to mate with them. In many ways that are already posted in the handbook, women are the ones who have the most to lose in a relationship, even in a modern times.

So always remember, you are interviewing him, and he has to prove he wants the job" - /u/SkiesEclipse

TumbleweedForeign699 · 2021-08-19T10:09:08+00:00

Your partner is a direct reflection of you, and your values. If he treats you like shit / has undesirable qualities and hundreds of red flags, that is him embodying your standards. It also signals to other people, this is who I believe matches me, and I believe this “love” is acceptable for myself.

On a similar note, if he’s “good” but his friends are a mess (literally any red flag, like if they’re douchey scrotes or get angry&violent or all watch porn, etc) then that is a red flag. His friends and who he keeps around him is a direct reflection of his values! even if he says “yeah I don’t agree with them on that issue” but doesn’t vet them… sweetie guess what! Those are HIS values🚩. Same for any of his toxic family members! All of these people described will be around him LONG after you, regardless of what he says. He’s just telling you what you want to hear because he’s trying to get laid.

bloodbites · 2021-08-19T05:10:18+00:00

“Women are not rehabilitation centres for damaged or badly raised men. It’s not your job to fix him, change him, parent or raise him - you want a partner, not a project.”

Saw this on Twitter a while back and it was something I really needed to hear. You are not the exception to the rule. If he has a pattern of abusive, LV behaviour, you will not be the one who will magically “fix” him. If he says has a crazy ex, know that he will also call you the “psycho ex” to the next girl.

TumbleweedForeign699 · 2021-08-19T09:53:27+00:00

If you’re wondering why he ain’t acting right or what specific technique you haven’t yet thought of will fix the relationship: he probably ain’t the one!

monaaloha · 2021-08-19T11:27:14+00:00

My ex kept pinging me every couple of months. This was pre-FDS but this quote helps me even now. LVM’s have no shame in rejection. They’ll hit you up, climb mountains for you once you have already rejected them. They wouldn’t behave good when they have you, but once you’ve put your foot down, he will be the softest boi ever. So the quote is in my regional language and goes like “if you throw a stone at a mango tree, you either get a mango but you lose nothing”. My ex coming back again and again was just checking to see if I am vulnerable enough to let him back into my life again. Him messaging me wasnt him missing me. He was just trying his shot. If it worked, great, he could drag me around longer. If he didn’t, what does he have to lose ?

Also, I’d rather die a virgin than spend one more minute with any man who doesn’t respect me. I have the money. I can buy a dildo. I have family. I wont be lonely. I will die alone rather than adjust for a man.

And ladies.. after 2 and a half years of my horrible mentally deranged ex, being manipulated by a guy friend I am finally happy to say I am in a relationship with an amazing guy. He has EVERY SINGLE thing on my checklist and more. It is too early to celebrate though. I am still vetting. I will vet every single day. I found him a year and a half after finding FDS and I dont want to say it early, but as of this moment I am so happy to say that FDS freakin works. FDS changed my life. in every single way. I will be forever grateful for this platform.

Someday, if thing go good with the guy I am dating right now, and he proposes, I will put up a full post. Fingers crossed until then !!

TumbleweedForeign699 · 2021-08-19T10:09:50+00:00

Red flags never come alone, where there’s one there’s always more. Like an infestation of rats or roaches!(Saw this on FDS!) 🚩🚩🚩🚩

_laufaeson · 2021-08-19T10:56:22+00:00

“If he wanted to, he would.”

Ex-hubby was the kind of guy that just took a backseat and let me do all the emotional labor. Never again.

Rocket_the_Raccoon · 2021-08-19T05:35:21+00:00

"Understand how difficult it is to change yourself. You have no chance changing someone who doesn't even want to change."

This quote literally changed my life. I have stopped putting effort into expecting anyone--whether it be friends, family, or potential partners--to change.

greater_yellowlegs · 2021-08-19T10:02:53+00:00

You’re the only one responsible for your happiness.

I was miserable in a relationship and had this realization. Helped me understand that he would never work to improve it, all the effort was on me. So I ended it instead of trying to fix it.

I’ve also given this advice to employees who feel bad when they put in their notice. You gotta do what’s right for you.

birdsandcraftsbitch · 2021-08-19T13:53:57+00:00

Never care about someone’s problems more than they do

reinenuwang · 2021-08-19T13:39:17+00:00

"The last straw was the lingering first straw."

"Never chase men. They will just think they can do better than you and will never respect you for putting in more effort than them."

Leavix · 2021-08-19T15:36:41+00:00

If you always put him first, you'll teach him you come second.

TumbleweedForeign699 · 2021-08-19T09:50:25+00:00

As women we should do what we need to do and burn the rest 🔥

burningbrazier · 2021-08-19T03:11:35+00:00

If it benefits men, it’s not feminism.

alianthuss · 2021-08-19T14:50:22+00:00

Imagine the person you’d become if you stopped trying to fix others and put that energy into yourself- Florence Given

I used to spend all my energy trying to mold low value men. When I stopped I became so much happier and developed a healthier self esteem

PinkBlair99 · 2021-08-19T02:31:27+00:00

“If he wanted to, he would.”

boiledgatorade_ · 2021-08-19T13:42:23+00:00

“If he wanted to, he would”

m_r_rosewood · 2021-08-19T20:56:58+00:00

"To right wing men, we are private property. To left wing men, we are public property. In either case, we are not considered to be humans: we are things."
Andrea Dworkin, Right Wing Women

And

“Women have very little idea of how much men hate them.”

Germaine Greer, The Female Eunuch

And

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
Maya Angelou

notochord · 2021-08-19T16:46:03+00:00

“I DONT CO-SIGN BULLSHIT”

I forget which of our lovely podcast hosts said that, but the quote has really stuck with me.

stalient · 2021-08-19T17:53:56+00:00

"He's somebody else's problem now"

FlockAroundtheClock · 2021-08-19T20:04:56+00:00

"Dick is abundant and of low value." I've used this with my younger friends who are stressed over finding "the one."

maracat1989 · 2021-08-20T00:52:08+00:00

A man can be in a relationship with you for years and not even like you as a person

SpicyScroteRoastery · 2021-08-20T02:01:41+00:00

"He knows."

Fuck cOmMuNiCaTiNg how he hurts you. He knows, he just doesn't care.

FineDeliciousSnakes · 2021-08-19T20:58:35+00:00

I don’t recall the exact quote:

“You can’t give someone more of what they don’t appreciate and expect them to appreciate it or you providing it for them.”

revengeofgivingtree · 2021-08-19T16:53:45+00:00

"stay vetting"

ShegoGreen · 2021-08-20T08:30:31+00:00

"You will never get what you deserve if you stay with what you tolerate."

"I’m absolutely tired of broke self victimising losers pretending they’re ‘oppressed’ because they’re expected to bring value to a woman’s life. Because they have to pay for a date when they had no plans to love her anyway."

"If you feel insecure - sometimes it's because you aren't in a safe situation emotionally or otherwise- not because you lack confidence."

"Men walk away when their expectations and needs aren't met instead of pleading, convincing, cajoling, and everything else that we women do. It is time we do the same."

"How many of you have been called: needy, clingy, insecure, jealous, sensitive? And how many of those times has it been in response to you asking for something incredibly reasonable from a male partner?..every time I’ve had my spirit crushed for wanting things, it’s because a man was inconvenienced by them."

"Arguing that women have the right to sell their bodies is an attempt to hide the argument that men have the right to buy women." -Francoise Heritier

"Never trust a man who wants you to be a surrogate for his masculinity."

"Gold-digger?" Money may not buy happiness but poverty doesn't buy anything!"

ChocolateBiscuit96 · 2021-08-19T19:46:10+00:00

If I’m too much, go find less 😀. I hope I didn’t misquote that.

raggedclaws_silentCs · 2021-08-19T22:02:28+00:00

snip snip, bitch

pozzalovah · 2021-08-19T22:08:08+00:00

"I love you but I love me more" "I love you but you gotta do more to convince me" " you are not actually alone, you have people/pets who love you and good food to keep you at company"

FDS-GFY · 2021-08-20T05:48:55+00:00

If he wanted to, he would.

BelleCervelle · 2021-08-20T12:01:19+00:00

This one hit home for me.

“If he wanted to, he would.”

Goes in line with “Actions speak louder than words.”

My personal favorite “Never stop vetting.”

From Chump Lady herself.

“Trust that they suck.”

comet2004 · 2021-08-21T02:02:25+00:00

second if he wanted to he would! saved me so much grief. I feel like despite agreeing with everything on fds its still so hard to overcome society's conditioning. but the one thing that I completely changed is worrying about a guy not doing something and trying to interpret what they do. because if he wanted to date me he would!

derpinat_butter · 2021-08-21T10:16:47+00:00

"How you live everyday is how you live your life". It reminds me to value my life, to find time for my loved ones, to plan little special occations for myself often and to have consistent healthy habits.

fairywakes · 2021-08-23T00:59:55+00:00

“If he wanted to, he would.”

Title	What’s your best FDS quote?
Author	arnezuara
Upvotes	463
Comments	112
Date	August 19, 2021 2:00 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/p75gq8/whats_your_best_fds_quote/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/whats-your-best-fds-quote.1057931 https://theredarchive.com/post/1057931

Comments