Men, why are you surprised that attractive women are attracted to attractive men af/bb? And should women feel the same?

weenieandthebutt · 2026-02-16T13:19:52+00:00

It's because women lack sexual consistency for most guys: Promiscuous and wild with the hookup guy, slow and sexually reserved for the husband type.

I've given all my LTRs the far better treatment compared to casual hookups and not the other way round like a lot of women do.

Maleficent-Remote580 · 2026-02-16T02:20:46+00:00

I have litigated this to the extreme and women have still left me feeling like you are in cahoots to try and minimise as much responsibility a woman may have regardless of how charitable I am being.

Your entire thing boils down to chad deserves chad treatment.

I agree.

Beta men who want spontaneity and sex on that day or at any time they consider early or in. Ways they consider easy is .... For lack of a better word entitled behaviour...

Agreed 1000%

But if that's the metric that should change once she marries him or say she loves him no? After all she wouldn't chose to be with someone she wasn't wild about right? If women here are to be belived?

So at that point of the man feels a lack in the relationship or finds out that she is not bringing her sexual best to the relationship they have justified cause to feel some type of way about it no?

Or are men wrong no matter what?

AlarmingArm9919 · 2026-02-16T00:58:20+00:00

I'm just so popcorning over how much this subreddit is becoming the exact same thing between women and men.

🍿🍿 🍿

Radiant_Specific6542 · 2026-02-16T01:56:26+00:00

You frame your question as if there's genuine suprise. There's not. I'd argue that most adults understand this, and this where alot of insecurities and coping mechanisms stem from.

What we see is a pushback from men to fall into the bb role. That's where most of these conflicts are coming from. There was a time people were oblivious to it. Although I'm not a fan, I say the red pill did a great job in pulling back that curtain to the ignorant. And again, like I previously mentioned, now we're seeing insecurities flourish, and coping mechanisms in mass... an over correction if you will.

Regardless, I just watch the shit show. I'm happily married. However- I don't blame a dude for not committing to someone that their weekend hobby was getting pumped by different men's baby batter.

Kingcrow33 · 2026-02-16T01:29:00+00:00

All women are attracted to attractive men.

Not all men are going after baddies, there are a lot of us going for the "wife material" women.

N_Count_Council · 2026-02-16T02:05:20+00:00

The issue isn't that women are attracted to attractive men, it's that they all think they deserve that (even when they're average)

society000 · 2026-02-16T04:20:31+00:00

No one is or should be surprised that people in general find attractive people attractive. The disconnect is that women do not find their 'looksmatch' attractive. Women are naturally more valuable on a biological level. This means that attractive men are happy and willing to sleep with women that are less attractive than they are.

The patriarchal system had to be created at the dawn of civilization to disenfranchise women so that they would have to rely on a man for survival. Guaranteeing men a wife was necessary to get those men to actually want to participate in civilization.

Genetic science shows us that every human has twice as many female ancestors as they do male ancestors, which suggests that early humans were naturally polygynous just like the majority of our primate cousins.

Now that men are simply no longer as valuable to society, and women no longer need men for survival, we see women either 'decentering' men and either turning towards other women or just staying single, or turning their attention towards a smaller group of far more attractive men that they have access to thanks to modern technology. Women are already three times more likely to identify as LGBT than men, and they are more likely to be open to sharing a partner with other women so long as he is high value enough. I think we'll see this play out over time with high value men dating or marrying multiple women, with other women pairing with each other or staying single, and heterosexual monogamous relationships with men will become a tiny minority.

What will be done with the excess men is a question this future society will have to answer itself. Likely, it will be with androids or advanced VR. More drastically, it could be through culling. Though, it's also likely that women will simply choose to not birth men as much, as genetic modification on early embryos becomes possible.

As an ugly, low status man, I'm not angry, just kinda mournful, I suppose. I can't change this anymore than I could stop the sun from setting or pause the march of time.

Muscletov · 2026-02-16T15:53:35+00:00

"Women care about men's looks as much as vice versa" was considered crazy talk everywhere just a few years ago. Doubly so if you brought genetics into it like you did. Acting like it has always been super obvious and never denied is a textbook example of gaslighting.

By the way, it's still the absolute mainstream opinion that men don't really need looks in order to be attractive to women, just socially desired traits like confidence, humor, kindness etc. A user here has made a great compilation on how mainstream spaces outside of the "pill sphere" think about the importance of men's looks: https://archive.is/CYwOJ.

Jetpine9 · 2026-02-16T01:04:41+00:00

I think online dating is the main culprit. In real life (school, work) inter-gender interactions are more or less normal, and people have a chance to get to know one another and pair up if they want. Online it's like all that goes out the window and attraction is expected to be instantaneous, and for any but the chadlier guys it's like ice fishing. It's a two different worlds kind of thing that you didn't anticipate.

Shadowcat1606 · 2026-02-16T01:52:24+00:00

Who says anyone isn't surprised by this? Isn't one of the main criticism against the RedPill (or was it BlackPill? .... eh, whatever) that they proclaim this to be a universal rule basically all women follow instinctively? I'd say that's the opposite of "surprise".

Logos1789 · 2026-02-16T04:48:50+00:00

Women shouldn’t settle. If they stopped settling as soon as no fault divorce was nationalized in the 80’s, we wouldn’t have so many undesirable men and the population bottleneck arising from greater selectivity wouldn’t be so drastic.

nsfwthrowaway6996 · 2026-02-16T01:33:01+00:00

The core idea of af/bb is many men experience different treatment depending on how much raw attraction a woman feels for them.That difference feels unfair when Past partners got spontaneous sexual enthusiasm. Then Current partner only gets stability/safety. Men interpret this as “I am the backup plan”. Stability/safety is not consolation prize energy in healthy adult relationships. Long term attraction is built on feeling Stability/safety and desired. The problem is usually not feeling desired by the current partner.

FriendlyCapybara1234 · 2026-02-16T01:01:46+00:00

Explain what? That’s hardly surprising.

BearSpray007 · 2026-02-16T07:41:53+00:00

We’re not. We are surprised that average women are not attracted to average men, and annoyed that average women tend to rate themselves higher than their appropriate attractiveness level, and that average men tend to be either invisible, or treated as much less dateable than seems appropriate.

Jaded_Promise80 · 2026-02-16T01:54:15+00:00

Nobody is surprised by it. We are trying our best to get them to admit that women are more selective than men, and they refuse

UpstairsAd1235 · 2026-02-16T06:08:08+00:00

-_- Are women seriously that delusional to think that men only want to have relationships with "baddies" or "10/10" women?... Most relationships start because a man wanted to have one with a woman. And no, not all of those women in the relationships are 10/10. The fuck are we even talking about here?...

Destinyciello · 2026-02-16T00:59:42+00:00

I think the whole af/bb thing is completely misframed.

Women all want someone to settle down with them. They always shoot for the moon at first. Not realizing that a lot of men will just use them for sex. Then they gradually work down to their real level.

That is a normal transition that happens to a lot of people whether male or female. It just looks different for the sexes because males are very open to casual sex with random women even if they are below them in looks while women are typically not built like this.

So an average looking woman is far more likely to have short relationships with a guy of much higher value than her. Than vice versa.

But in reality everyone is behaving largely the same.

What's really different is how we select our partners.

Males: almost entirely on physical appearance. All the other factors get evaluated after that one.

Females: select on a combination of money, status and looks. All of which can have significant weight.

IndependentNew7750 · 2026-02-16T02:10:46+00:00

Wife material is more attractive than non-wife material. I’m not sure why you would think otherwise

DrunkOnRamen · 2026-02-16T02:37:45+00:00

I don't think any guy here is surprised by that. In fact I see more men insist to be the reality of things. But you are mistaken that this is for attractive women only, this is applicable to all women

But since you're going down this road. Will you tell women who criticize me to shut the fuck up?

Bloodhoven_aka_Loner · 2026-02-16T18:25:00+00:00

Women, why are you surprised that men aren't falling for the "every gurrllll is a 10" nonsense anymore (which your post is trying to reinforce)? And why should men ever stop?

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2026-02-16T21:52:47+00:00

1.Most men do in fact prefer wife material and if they could find those women in abundance then they would have no issues whatsoever in terms of dating.

No one has an issue with women pursuing men they are physically attracted to, the issue is that women gaslight men on how important physical attractiveness is to women when choosing men to date and hook up with.

burneraccountguydude · 2026-02-16T22:14:52+00:00

What do you expect? Men being rejected and told they arnt good enough for women should not be resentful and depressed. A part of their human desire is being rejected, the need for connection. All Women are capable of dating a few men, and getting sex and validation from those few men. The majority of those men in the past would have died young, been killed off, or settled into some niesh far away from other most other humans. Instead today they live in a world that values sex and relationships to the extreme. A world they are left out of.

balhaegu · 2026-02-17T13:02:28+00:00

Women are biologically wired to abstain from procreation unless there is real, strong, attraction while men would settle for an average woman due to the simple fact that women bear children and men dont.

This is why traditional societies encouraged monogamy for almost all adults through customs or religion. Otherwise human nature would devolve society into primitive hunter gatherer societies without a large hierarchial civilization.

But in a modern democratic society, freedom of choice i everything that dictates our lives will ensure people make choices that go against the strength of the community, in favor of personal happiness.

Hence universal democracy is fundamentally flawed and will fall to authoritarian regimes in the long run because humans are guided by emotions and in the absence of an enlightened despot, they will vote towards their own ruin.

Melodic_Structure928 · 2026-02-17T21:29:34+00:00

So now we’ve gone from beta bux is all in your head and red pill is full of shit, to betabux has been real all this time but umm… let’s just not call it that.

PassengerCultural421 · 2026-02-16T02:29:51+00:00

Because women say women only care about personality, not looks.

Due_Appointment_1188 · 2026-02-16T15:11:57+00:00

First, thanks for the AF/BB terminology, I had to Google it and now I need to clear my search history before my brain rots. But to your point, this whole premise seems to assume that every man on the planet is an unattractive joe who spent his 20s chasing "baddies", only to reluctantly settle for a "mommy" who cleans his house. What the fuck?

Get out of the house lads.

projecteddesperation · 2026-02-16T16:55:04+00:00

Women tend to have astronomically high standards for casual sex whereas my threshold for attractiveness is pretty reasonable and attainable for women. Many women who focus reasonably on health, diet, and fitness will meet them. So, I would find both a baddie and future potential wifey sexually attractive and wouldn’t mind having casual sex with either.

However, if I had super attractive women that I could never lock down in a million years want to have sex with me, I wouldn’t say no. If it goes on too much though it would probably poison my perspective on and standards for people more realistically attainable and in my league.

ReasonConfident4541 · 2026-02-16T00:56:47+00:00

I don't get the question.

No-Rough-7390 · 2026-02-16T05:46:03+00:00

Men and women aren’t the same. News at 11.

Madonna/whore complex is maybe as close as you’re gonna get, but it’s not the same dynamic still. You’re not the first to try this out. It’s a false equivalency.

DietTyrone · 2026-02-16T07:29:22+00:00

Explain how a supposedly very attractive hot Stacy would end up with a betabuxx? Why wouldn't she end up married to the Attractive Alpha? 🤔 If we assume that the legitimately attractive women are ending up with Alpha's, then what does that make the women who aren't?

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Past-Shoulder-631 · 2026-02-16T05:23:49+00:00

I didn’t spend my whole life chasing baddies

2026-02-16T07:26:55+00:00

If you settle down with the “wife material” even though you spent the whole of your life chasing “Baddies”

But i didn't because that seems immoral and gross to me.

HiraldoCoil · 2026-02-16T09:02:18+00:00

The surprise comes at a pretty young age and may be a recurring plot line in the life of a beta, there is also a hope that the women won't overtly go for the more attractive man, but this is also accompanied by what women themselves say they find attractive in a partner e.g. kind, generous, chivalrous, educated, employed, not a criminal.... There is also the madonna/wh*re archetype

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2026-02-16T12:05:00+00:00

True, men (or people) who are chasing attractive people without discernement are doomed to be unhappy and bitter

wtknight · 2026-02-16T16:50:47+00:00

What bothers men is when average women are attractive to attractive men out of their league and don't even bother considering them. Only average men with some kind of narcissism disorder are bothered when the most attractive women are not attracted to them. Most men will drop their standards for who they are attracted to eventually, but then still get bothered when average Becky is still only trying to attract the most attractive men and doesn't realize how average she actually is.

wellendowedgoat · 2026-02-17T05:07:24+00:00

I am not surprised at all. If a man wants a considerably more attractive woman than what he can otherwise get, he'll probably have to offer her significant social and financial benefits for her to consider him. It's an equivalent exchange of value.

The men who could actually date very physically attractive women in their youth aren't ending up with "wife material" mids that have a good personality and high IQ. They usually end up with... a very physically attractive woman.

Men of course prioritize physical attractiveness. And while for short term they barely have any standards or prioritize bodily attractiveness, most studies show that for longterm relationships men heavily prioritize facial beauty. Men generally end up with the most beautiful women they could get at the point when they paired up.

Physical attractiveness is the "royal trait" in mating. Most average people have little leeway, that's why they date people more or less on the same level of attractiveness. For longterm pairings, given that the ratio is very close to 1:1, a man in the 50th percentile of male attractiveness ends up with a woman that is more or less in the 50th percentile of female attractiveness and vice versa. The average person has a few actual relationship options, that are usually just average looking people. No matter what trait they'll try to leverage, besides considerably wealth and social status, they won't be able to get a considerably more attractive mate. So since they have to choose between a few average people, they get together with the one who might have some other secondary trait they want like good personality or intelligence etc.

For an average looking man to get a considerably more attractive woman than what he could get otherwise, he'll have to have considerably wealth and social status to leverage and essentially trade wealth/status for beauty/youth. Few men reach that level. And given that big success takes time and comes later in life, even most of those few have already paired up, are married with kids and can't capitalize on it. But make no mistake, given lack of constraint of choice, men in the vast majority of cases will gladly trade wealth/status for beauty/youth.

The_WankingBuddha · 2026-02-17T16:00:06+00:00

If you look at yourself, and then you look at an attractive man, surely you can understand why a woman would pick the attractive man over you if you are not that genetically blessed.

Then why do women on this sub insist on being "attracted" to their mid husbands/boyfriends? Why do they claim that women can be genuinely attracted to non Chads?

I think you gals should first sort it out amongst yourselves before questioning or arguing with men.

Also, aren't looks based comments/discussions forbidden on here except for the looks megathread? Where are the MODS now?

Starcraft_III · 2026-02-18T05:44:59+00:00

The reason is because the market dynamics mean that while men may chase “baddies” if they want, the vast majority of them could only get casual hookups with women who are below the looks level of the women they could be with if they commit to them, and the opposite is true for women. So typically, in a committed relationship, men are getting the best they can get at the moment, and women are settling for them in exchange for the stability of a relationship vs someone better looking who won’t commit.

MistaCreepz · 2026-02-19T00:21:53+00:00

The catalog has like 9 questions for women and 1 "gotcha" question for men, boring

coping_man · 2026-02-19T10:08:32+00:00

I ain't surprised. I wish they were honest about it more often.

Which isn't the case as often as id like. They come up with moralistic excuses.

Logical_Breadfruit49 · 2026-02-22T05:20:20+00:00

The difference between men chasing baddies and then settling down with the madonna and women engaging in AF/BB is that men can't actually get the baddies. The baddies are also hypergamous and won't engage with the average man.

On the other hand, any average woman can have a hot fling with a Chad, and then later settle down with the betabucks.

Both sexes may want the baddie for short-term and then the stable partner for long term, but only women will be able to satisfy both these wishes.

-Kalos · 2026-02-16T05:59:57+00:00

What is af/bb? I touch too much grass to understand

Whiskeymyers75 · 2026-02-16T03:26:40+00:00

I’m surprised when they end up with unattractive men because she chose something like height or money over actual attractiveness.

Title	Men, why are you surprised that attractive women are attracted to attractive men af/bb? And should women feel the same?
Author	IHaveABigDuvet
Upvotes	58
Comments	408
Date	February 16, 2026 12:52 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1r5veq1/men_why_are_you_surprised_that_attractive_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-why-are-you-surprised-that-attractive-women.1573577 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573577

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