Motherhood is a bad deal (and it's reasonable to opt out)

BathAutomatic6972 · 2026-02-15T22:40:29+00:00

Not a woman, but being a parent, but more especially a mom, straight-up sucks. I had to raise my younger siblings and opted to be child-free. Best decision I've ever made.

Good-Preparation-811 · 2026-02-15T22:28:04+00:00

I have now met two men, high net worth individuals, who both expressed that a woman isn’t “locked in” until she has his kids.

It has definitely changed the way I view motherhood. Unfortunately, even in a beautiful instance of creating life, there are still men who want to baby trap women. Not because they want to be fathers.

But because a married man with a beautiful wife and kids is a status symbol.

I just wanted to share this because I am still pretty sad about it. Their wives have no idea they think that way. She doesn’t even know he baby trapped her on purpose. She thinks it was luck. I really don’t want that scenario for myself.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2026-02-16T05:33:35+00:00

I would say the biggest problem is pregnancy itself. I wouldn't rather die then give birth.

Altruistic_Look_7868 · 2026-02-16T02:18:54+00:00

I think the sacrifice and expectations on mothers are immense compared to fathers. Whether or not that's a good or bad "deal" is entirely up to the women in question.

No matter what, it's an experience that can be made ×100 harder if dad does nor step up. I'm honestly glad that many younger women are stepping away from motherhood, being much more aware of the risk/reward ratio.

Many men want to have children, rather than being fathers. Or another saying, "men want children like children want pets". Just look at this comment section, the number of men downplaying the expectations/sacrifices placed on women in general when it comes to motherhood.

2026-02-16T08:49:36+00:00

I mean, yes, you benefit from it in the sense that you get the children themselves, if that’s what you truly want. But I agree, it’s hard and often thankless work. It’s hard on our bodies, on our physical and mental health, and on our wallets. We are expected to raise them well, somehow bounce back physically, and “take care of ourselves” so we do not look like we just gave birth. And realistically, our careers will probably take a hit for a few years.

And the responsibility never really ends. You worry about your kids and feel responsible for them for the rest of your life.

Good-Preparation-811 · 2026-02-16T03:10:29+00:00

I honestly just realized I might have lurked on this sub too long to have children.

in more ways that one, this sub has confirmed a man is only as loyal as his options.

And I just refuse to be a single mom. So I either have kids with a man who will cheat on me and I just suffer through it because he pays the mortgage ….lol or don’t have them. Those seem to be my options.

I would like to start a family with a man who has a good income and is attractive. But apparently these men either want to wife 18 year olds or will cheat and have many women. Neither scenario is great so, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place apparently 😂. Yay.

And to make it worse, even non-attractive men with low incomes cheat. So there’s really no hack… other than trusting a man won’t betray your trust in a few years after, he gets a promotion … meanwhile its not like you can change your mind about having your kid . The best you can do is trust he will take care of you financially😭 but even that is risky. Not to mention he will still expect you to have sex with him despite him cheating.

This is the most black pilled post I have ever made. But I am just incredulous at the future these days. Everything is just so……. Bleak.

Maybe my frontal lobe has finally developed. Idk. Lol. I was extremely optimistic about love, marriage, and family until the last year or so.

tomsolinxo · 2026-02-15T23:41:19+00:00

Yes. Being able to get pregnant, give birth and create a life put us in a very f*cked up and vulnerable place. We stop growing when estrogen kicks in. We are smaller and weaker so this alone makes us very vulnerable. Pregnancy and childbirth is dangerous. You rely on other people. Human offspring is helpless and requires attention and feeding for couple of years… we are screwed up from the very beginning

And boy don’t get me started with biological changes that come with reproduction, hormonal fluctuations

pie-mart · 2026-02-15T21:54:59+00:00

Yeah, I can die and be permanently disfigured

All the love to motjers of course

But often times I feel shamed for not seeing it as all light and love and cherries on top

TermAggravating8043 · 2026-02-15T22:07:19+00:00

You missed a bit,

Motherhood at the least means given up your freedom , independence and even at times your own body. It is entirely a thankless yet essential task.

It’s not surprising men kept women suppressed so they could ensure they had heirs

Obsessivethot · 2026-02-15T23:30:44+00:00

Every pregnancy is a life or death situation, and that’s worse for you if you’re American. That alone is reason enough to not do it.

rosephase · 2026-02-15T21:56:53+00:00

As someone who is child free by choice the idea that there is no status in being a mother is pretty silly.

But otherwise I agree. Even if you want kids the cards are stacked against you as a woman in this current culture.

YveisGrey · 2026-02-15T22:59:59+00:00

I agree with this even though I want kids love the idea of being a mom but it does seem increasingly that society does not actually appreciate mothers, blames them for everything and expects too much of them. It doesn’t surprise me one bit that more and more women choose not to have kids or only have one kid.

And then men are not making it any better because the things they complain about constantly especially online just pale in comparison to what mothers go through. Like they legitimately are trying to argue that paying for dates is harder than pregnancy, labor/delivery, nursing, and raising a child. Every other day they’re out here asking what women bring to the table and why they have to pay for dates, pursue women, etc… as if doing that is harder than what they expect a woman to do for them which is birth their kids.

“All I want is for you to forsake all other men for me, birth my kids which will not only impact your physical health but negatively impact your career and yet I have to court you?? This is so unfair women live life on easy mode” 🙄🙄🙄🙄

My goodness I thank God everyday I’m not married to absolute brain dead self absorbed fool like that.

Zabadoodude · 2026-02-15T22:17:46+00:00

If people judging you for how you think is best to raise your kids, or the status you might get from having kids is a major component in your decision to have them, then probably don't. Same if you can't find a man that wants to be an active father to have them with.

Having kids is literally creating life and helping to raise the next generation of humans. If you don't see a benefit in that, then ya, please opt out.

Comfortable_Camp2148 · 2026-02-16T11:08:18+00:00

Right. I might want to have kids if I could raise them myself without us losing 50% of our income, thus making us struggle financially.

As a woman, I see no point in having kids while having to work: it means you only get to see them in the evening when you have to hurry to get them washed, fed and asleep, and on the weekends when you have to clean, do the laundry, go grocery shopping and do everything you didn't have time to do during the week. How do you actually spend quality time with your kids under these circumstances?? AND you get to pay half your salary for external childcare, too! What a joke.

burneraccountguydude · 2026-02-16T22:24:01+00:00

You can bitch and moan about being in any position and envy every other one all you want. As a man I can tell you all the shortcomings I have while telling you all the advantages you have.

If you can’t objectively see any benifit in having a family or offspring then yeah it’s a bad deal. But most women and people are not in such a negative pessimistic mood all the time and can see benefits.

wellendowedgoat · 2026-02-17T05:15:13+00:00

The ultimate goal of life for every living organism is reproduction. That goes for every mammalian species, including the homo sapiens. The body is a vessel for your genes. The vessel technically only needs to stay alive, thus needing water, food etc, till it manages to reproduces, hopefully many times and with more fit mates, and eventually passes on its genes to the next generation.

If people purposefully decide not to reproduce, for whatever reason, that's their decision. Their genes essentially met their end. The end of the line. The fittest among us will keep reproducing and their genes will keep thriving as it should be. It's natural selection at work.

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-02-16T03:42:38+00:00

Yep. I always say that if I could be a father, I’d definitely have a couple kids by now, but I do not want to be a mother.

I guess being stepmom was the closest I could get as woman, and that’s what I did. I got really lucky with my step kid and enjoy being a step for the most part, but even being a step when she was younger was completely exhausting and made up my mind that I didn’t want kids of my own. Sitting down at my desk at work and saying “Ahh, I can finally relax” was an eye-opening moment. And that’s minus the very hardest parts of being a bio mom, like pregnancy, child birth, and the baby/toddler stage.

2026-02-16T07:25:42+00:00

single bother

Lol. Brilliant if intentional OP.

Anyway. Women aren't choosing to opt out ENOUGH - that's the problem. You can hardly find an early 30s woman (my target demo) that hasn't put it off to build her career and now has stage 4 baby rabies.

My very serious question for you is - if all what you posted is true, and I'm not saying it isn't, why do so many women keep insisting on wanting to have kids? It's stifling and inescapable, as a dude who just wants to mutually have fun in life basically. I can't swing a stick without hitting a woman that wants kids.

relish5k · 2026-02-16T04:37:40+00:00

See the problem with the village is that the village has expectations. It used to be that the whole village would help you raise your kid, but also no people of other races in the village allowed and if you get pregnant without being married you are either disowned, sent to a home for a year, or forced to marry the father by gun point. In the village you do what your parents did, you don’t get to move to the big city and get a degree and go to museums on sundays with your single friends. Do we want the village, or do we want freedom? We have lost the infrastructural support of the village for the promise of more liberty, but a mother (or a father) can’t actually be free. So in many ways it’s the worst of both worlds - neither village nor complete freedom for the modern day parent.

But some freedom is better than non, which was the previous state of motherhood. Is that what you are nostalgic for? When was motherhood a “better deal” for women than today?

The lens of parenthood cannot be viewed through what will bring the greatest utility to the self. Perhaps that is why people are opting out of- due to a lack of finding the greater purpose within bringing forth and nurturing new life.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2026-02-16T10:36:19+00:00

No one should have children who doesn’t want them it’s not fair on the children.

I have been a mother for 23 years and I love it it been the most rewarding thing I have ever done

2026-02-16T12:19:24+00:00

My bestie is a mother who works part time and it's literally the best thing that's ever happened to her. She loves her son and so do I.

lillethcentfranc · 2026-02-16T13:27:04+00:00

I was married for 14 years and he left me and we tried to have kids and couldn’t have them. I am so glad that I was never able to have children with him because I would have to deal with him for the rest of my life

NormalOpposite6531 · 2026-02-16T01:53:46+00:00

Sort of agree, sans all the spiteful, bitter rhetoric. Don't think it's a men versus women thing though. Prosocial work and orientation is not rewarded, funded, or venerated enough in current configuration of culture in America and other 'modern' nations. Raising a family is one of the most foundational prosocial activities.

abaxeron · 2026-02-16T11:17:10+00:00

Now a lone woman is expected to provide the socialization of a couple dozen people by herself, and is expected to navigate multiple generations worth of contradictory advice without any help. And she's expected to do it while working full-time on top of it.

provide the socialization of a couple dozen people by herself

working full-time on top of it.

What?

Scar-fesse · 2026-02-15T22:01:25+00:00

I'd like to add something you seem to be forgetting.

A mother creates a human being from scratch in her own image, shaping it inside her body for nine months.

What could be a more beautiful work of art than creating life, honestly?

I envy women for this because, no matter what a man might achieve, he could never create a living being from scratch.

In theory, only God is capable of doing that. So tell me, what more could you possibly want?

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xxTheMagicBulleT · 2026-02-18T10:45:28+00:00

If you find it a bad deal fine don't do it.

But every animal including humans have a drive to reproduce.

If you wanna opt out thats fine.

If enough people do you will have to work till you 90.

Cause retirement means 3 people have to work for every person with retirement.

So your choices to opt out wil have big effect on your quality of life.

If to many people opt out expect bad quality of life in care homes in hospitals expect long waiting times for a surgery you need.

Cause in flow of new people to replace the old generation is how people have any quality of living when you get old and your body starts to fail you.

Why people want all the people to serve them but they often want to not bring any value back. While forgetting the whole society is build around the family structure.

Break that down or reject it and enough people do accept your quality of life will massively go downhill in very very big ways.

Police might take longer firefighters might be under staffed if there is more then one fire at the same time your shit might not be saved.

Need a plumber or electrician pay or insane amount or wait months for a fix.

All clear things that will happen when people reject there role in contributing to the society and there role.

And a job of a women is not easy. But its also why in many ways its always seen as a 2 person job. And why picking the right partner is 80% part of how hard or easy and happy or miserable having children can be.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2026-02-18T23:09:32+00:00

This is the most asinine dumb as shit posted on the interwebs I've seen in a while.

Yes, men need to improve to their maximum potential, but THE NUMBER ONE reason a woman is place on this earth is to make more humans.

I hope you never have an audience with young women, Jesus Fucking Christ and MoMohammad.

LectureNo4778 · 2026-03-30T07:36:36+00:00

Being a mother is just like having a job. You are responsible when things go wrong and you reap the rewards when things go right.

Being a mother is tough but its also wonderful in so many ways.

mercuriocromo11 · 2026-02-15T22:17:04+00:00

Motherhood is hard and often undervalued, that is true. But calling it a bad deal ignores that many women choose it freely and find meaning in it. It is reasonable to opt out, but it is not reasonable to reduce it to exploitation.

Formal-Comb-4016 · 2026-02-16T15:45:23+00:00

That's why women should stay celebate.

MoonriseOverEarth · 2026-02-16T16:49:11+00:00

Pragmatically, your analysis is straight on. I say this as someone who had two children with my eyes wide open. The difference is in whether you have a loyal and supportive spouse. I do. But even so, I made career sacrifices I never would have absent kids.

Financially, which is how this country only values the winners and the losers, kids are a complete negative unless you raise the next Labron James. And it is women who carry the massive financial and physical weight of it. Is it any shock that the birthrate is in the toilet everywhere? Even in very patriarchal societies?

And then you have even more men whining about wanting financial abortions. I say, fine, but then every man in arrears on child support needs to be in a labor camp. That shuts them up, and I wouldn't want it anyway. There'd be more asses out there slipping abortifacients in people's coffee or, worse, murder of women and children.

All you have to do is look how women are treated as mothers. A woman abandons her kids with the father to move in with a lover? She's the worst mother on the planet and the judge will throw the book at her. A father does it, it's just another Tuesday. Sure, they'll call him bad, but it's expected (more of that misandry peddled by men I'd note). When kids turn out bad, it's all "single mothers are shit" rather than "fathers who abandon their kids are shit." I always have fun when people post how good single fathers do to prove men are superior. Sure, single fathers are great if we just ignore all the men who abandon their children. They also tend to ignore that single fathers are often not single. They have a new girlfriend in the household 41% of the time compared to 16% for single mothers. I wonder how that might factor into improving outcomes? https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/07/02/the-rise-of-single-fathers/

I have zero regrets myself having kids. I adore mine. But I did a lot of work (and had a lot of luck) to be in the golden situation I am in. That means I 100% understand any decision of a woman to not have kids (or men either).

And countries are going to have to start revaluing motherhood with cold hard cash and stop sneering at single mothers if they want it to change. This country with it's sexist narrative of blaming single mothers for all social ills is really going to struggle -which is more important? shitting on poor mothers for a sanctimonious high or having a decent birth rate?

stuffeson · 2026-02-16T16:35:21+00:00

Well this is a very stupid take. Obviously if you choose the wrong partner who leaves and then try to raise kids on your own, that might suck. But there is still plenty of reward with raising human beings.

But what you can do is just not have kids with an asshole and create a wholesome family. It will be fine.

And obviously in order to make your point you have to disregard all the positive parts of having kids / family. Which is that you will have more meaning in your life, you will be less lonely, it is immensly rewarding and fun. Its like a lot of things in life, it is the difficult stuff that is usually most rewarding and meaningful.

If you raise kids that behave very badly in public, yes then you and the dad have done a poor job. This is not gendered. And yes you and the dad usually get some "parenting status". With the entire thing you are writing, you are writing as though the woman essentially does all the work with the kids and gets no help from the father. This is obviously not what happens if you have a sound family, both the mom and dad helps with the kids. And just a secret. Men dont get automatic raises for just having kids, as women dont get lower salaries for having kids. It is about what they actually do when they have the kids.

No women are not compensated for raising kids, neither are men. In what time and place ever have people been compensated for being parents? Never.

The entire post sounds very entitled.

funfacts_82 · 2026-02-16T08:24:21+00:00

Shocking, another men bad and women victim post. At least try to be a bit creative.

No-Rough-7390 · 2026-02-15T22:11:57+00:00

We live in the easiest time to be a mom and yet posts like these exist. You really can’t make this shit up.

Safe-Mention-7181 · 2026-02-15T23:10:55+00:00

It's a society issue for sure, but don't complain when society collapses around you, or other cultures who are having children start taking control.

ctrl_f_sauce · 2026-02-15T22:08:58+00:00

There’s a funny thing about shame, it is internally generated.

plutonium__ · 2026-02-17T00:23:15+00:00

yes and pays terribly

Custer99 · 2026-02-15T22:59:02+00:00

New World order this you?

Pleasant-Toe8878 · 2026-02-15T22:09:52+00:00

It allows women to get high by looking at the child or hearing their voice for the remainder of their lives. Certainly worth it.

statsfodder · 2026-02-16T01:05:44+00:00

Imagine being so narcissistic you not only don't want children but you also want others to not have kids so you don't feel like an idiot for your own decision...I'm applying that to all women with this thought process not just the OP, settle down mods, I'm not personally attacking the OP.

Title	Motherhood is a bad deal (and it's reasonable to opt out)
Author	GGMcThroway
Upvotes	95
Comments	398
Date	February 15, 2026 9:52 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1r5r7xu/motherhood_is_a_bad_deal_and_its_reasonable_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/motherhood-is-a-bad-deal-and-its-reasonable-to-opt.1573566 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573566

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