Porn is not cheating

MidoriEgg · 2024-10-17T10:07:46+00:00

I’d be really interested on seeing a study to see how age and nationality/culture effects peoples opinions on this. I wouldn’t want to be with a man who’s constantly watching porn but I don’t think it’s cheating and I think it’s normal for men to watch it occasionally. It seems like a weird thing to police to me.

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Flightlessbirbz · 2024-10-17T15:35:16+00:00

I don’t think it’s “cheating,” assuming you are just watching porn and not interacting with online sex workers. However, everyone has different boundaries in their relationships. Many people don’t care, some couples even enjoy watching porn together, but some people just are not comfortable with it (often for religious or ethical reasons). If your partner doesn’t want you watching porn and this is a big issue for you, then you are simply not compatible on values, and the relationship won’t last.

Now, boundaries and values are things that need to be discussed early on in a relationship, not something to spring on your partner after you’ve gotten serious. That’s making up rules, not a boundary. The only exception would be if you got into a relationship with someone who had a porn addiction you didn’t know about or later developed one, and it started affecting your relationship/sex life.

Hi-Road · 2024-10-17T11:53:23+00:00

Honestly I think this is one of those topics everyone’s just not gonna agree on. Just don’t get into a relationship without discussing these things if it means that much to you - and don’t switch up and expect your partner to fall in step when you change your mind. It feels like both this and the body count topic come from similar places of insecurity, but to each their own i guess

izzzy12k · 2024-10-17T06:21:39+00:00

It's like any other controversial boundary..

Some women refuse to be ok if you consume any content related to it...

Just like some guys are not cool with women they are dating, accepting drinks from random men while out at a bar or local watering hole.

It's all depending on those involved.

prolixdreams · 2024-10-17T11:43:41+00:00

I do not feel non-interactive porn is cheating, and I would not date someone who did feel that way — not because it is an unreasonable demand to me, but because I don’t like jealousy and someone who feels porn is cheating is likely to be controlling/jealous.

I think seeing non-interactive porn as cheating is an unusual-enough standpoint/boundary that it falls into my “you better bring this up in the first 5 dates if you don’t want to hurt yourself or someone else” category.

Also I think both viewing numbers are higher than that. I recall a study planned on the impact of porn on men had to be cancelled because they couldn’t find a control group.

Defiant_Bill574 · 2024-10-17T15:16:42+00:00

You are getting sexual gratification from another human being that isn't your partner. If you invited someone into your home and they stripped and you masturbated it'd 100% be cheating. Now why would that same action be forgiven simply because It's on a screen?

EmergencyConflict610 · 2024-10-17T06:18:04+00:00

It can be cheating, depending on your established boundaries.

Eezay · 2024-10-17T09:44:09+00:00

I don't think it's cheating but I find it to be detrimental to a person in general and especially in a relationship, and, depending on the degree, also disrespectful to your partner.

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2024-10-17T18:36:32+00:00

I don't think it's cheating, but I avoid it just because I don't want to habituate myself to artificial stimulation. I want to channel all my sexual energy towards my wife.

However, even though I don't watch porn, I'm not some puritan, and I would never be in favor of banning it. Even though I don't personally use porn and feel that it would have adverse effects on me as an individual, I am a free-speech absolutist, and for me that includes porn.

Fair-Bus-4017 · 2024-10-17T06:15:05+00:00

By definition of how words are because they are broader than you think it can be seen as cheating. But that doesn't matter much, it's a violation of a boundary certain people have. And if it is or isn't cheating doesn't change the fact that you violated it so they might dump you. You two simply aren't compatible if this is an issue.

Also it is quite logical that a lot of women don't want you to look at other naked and attractive women. Unlike guys a lot of them haven't normalized porn because they have been watching it for ages.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-10-17T13:31:33+00:00

I don't think it's cheating, but it's definitely a form of non-monogamy. And I'm pro-poly, so that's not a judgement against it, just a point that I wish more people would just own the fact that they are not monogamous.

CluelessNaivete · 2024-10-17T15:02:16+00:00

If you are in a relationship and you are watching porn behind your partners back and making an active effort in hiding it, then yes it’s inappropriate behavior that can be seen as cheating.

But if you discuss it with your partner and they tell you their concerns with it that’s where you can iron out what boundaries you both want to set in your relationship.

Gilmoregirlin · 2024-10-17T17:54:04+00:00

That’s for each person to decide.

throwRA-lifeadvice · 2024-10-17T18:02:32+00:00

Because everyone has different boundaries, and there are plenty of people who consume porn at addictive levels.

addings0 · 2024-10-17T23:27:55+00:00

Porn is desensitizing. Cheating also has a similar affect. The emotional effort being put in by the partner/spouse to arouse the other is diminished, the connective energy isn't being focused.

TSquaredRecovers · 2024-10-18T12:19:21+00:00

I mostly agree. One exception to this would be Only Fans or similar cam work-type platforms where the content creators and subscribers can privately interact with another.

Wavefile99 · 2024-10-17T06:32:54+00:00

Nah I disagree, society has normalized porn to an unhealthy degree. In the 1970s if you were jerking off to naked women that weren’t your wife it’d be cheating

Parrotsandarmadillos · 2024-10-17T11:24:24+00:00

Cheating? No. Dealbreaker? For many a valid yes.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2024-10-17T15:17:45+00:00

As long as you're not asking/sending nudes, then it's OK.

If nudes are cheating, then porn is cheating. If porn is not cheating, then porn made by a friend is not cheating.

platinirisms · 2024-10-17T12:50:07+00:00

Porn is cheating if your partner thinks porn is cheating. If you can’t both agree that porn isn’t cheating then the relationship won’t work.

You have to think from the perspective of someone who doesn’t watch porn. If kissing another girl is considered cheating, then how is watching that same girl get fucked in the ass as you masturbate over her not?

Mentathiel · 2024-10-17T11:24:04+00:00

For me, it's not cheating, but other people may consider it as such and rly whatever the couple agrees the boundary is is the boundary.

Some don't want you to fantasize about others, sexually or romantically, or to keep it at a minimum.

Others don't want you to look at others.

Some might not want you to be too friendly with the opposite sex.

Some are upset at flirting, even if just casual and with no further intentions.

Some are upset at flirting if it's not casual.

Some are upset at romantic feelings.

Some are upset at sharing more intimate information about your feelings than you share with them.

Some are upset at kissing.

Some are upset at sex.

Some are upset at random acts that you two have a fetish for so they're sexual to you, even if they may not involve sex or even touching.

Some are upset at dressing a certain way or posting certain kinds of pictures that might be enticing.

Everyone has their own boundaries, there are cultural and individual issues. I might personally think some boundaries are controlling and unhealthy, but if that couple has agreed to a boundary when defining what monogamy means for them, then it's cheating to cross it.

When it comes to porn, those are probably people who don't want you to fantasize about and look at others. It upsets them because they feel like they're not enough for you and that you'll always crave variety and be tempted by other stuff. They're afraid of losing you because they feel like they can't please you no matter how hard they try, you'll always want something else.

There's another category of women who don't like it and it's those who're against the porn industry in general. I think they don't necessarily consider it cheating, they just think it's immoral and don't want to be with someone who props up the industry.

operation-spot · 2024-10-17T16:37:18+00:00

While I agree that simply watching porn isn’t terrible but watching it every day, paying for porn, or following porn stars on your main social media accounts is unacceptable in my opinion.

hearyoume14 · 2024-10-17T18:05:00+00:00

It depends on the boundaries in the relationship.If a boundary is “Porn is cheating and I will break up with you/not close the relationship because of cheating.” then that’s the boundary. This should be mentioned either before you close the relationship/decide to get together or in your values talks early on.

SubjectRelation1505 · 2024-10-18T01:15:53+00:00

Some are ok with others not. For me, I consider it cheating however respect that others don’t see it that way. To me there is something to say about a man who isn’t lusting at other women over a screen.

backstabber81 · 2024-10-18T13:59:40+00:00

I personally don't watch porn, and I generally don't care if my partner does. I say generally because in the past I've felt pretty annoyed when my partner prefers to jerk off to porn rather than having sex with me.

I'd be more wary about sending nudes, onlyfans and things like that, but going to a porn site and watching a video to get off is not something I'd consider cheating.

MyUpSeemsDown · 2024-10-17T08:17:22+00:00

It's one of those things where the boundaries are different based on the person. I've dated girls who both didn't care I watched porn vs who only wanted me to nut off to her pictures.

So if you walked in on your SO slapping her lady parts with synchronized rhythm to the video of some gigachad with mega inches drilling some girl that is playing on her screen, would you actually be ok with it? Personally my answer is no and therefore no porn (as far as she knows).

-Kalos · 2024-10-17T12:03:49+00:00

Y’all really be watching porn over making love to your girl. What porn addiction does to a mf.

berichorbeburied · 2024-10-17T06:32:20+00:00

Anything not physical is not cheating

Idec about sending or asking for nudes

If she has sex with another man is all I care about

The rest is just things that CAN/MAY lead to physical cheating

But if hypothetically the cheating never occurred I’d be perfectly fine with it in theory

But if I think of it about me being in love

Then I would be hurt by it

But not because I thought she cheated

But because it hurt my heart and feelings

TheSkyIsData · 2024-10-17T12:05:12+00:00

First I should state that I think paying for porn is most certainly cheating. Supporting a woman who is not your wife/gf to give you sexual gratification is cheating.

Free porn on the other hand, I don't think I would define necessarily as "cheating" but. I think it's important to keep in mind how insanely one sided sex in media is, and why exactly it's a problem for a lot of women.

From my perspective, half or more of the reddit posts, yt thumbnails, advertisements and most other media is essentially softcore porn. I'm not comfortable with seeing mostly nude women do sexual things, I consider it to be one sided softcore porn. Most movies with "nudity" really just have a bunch of topless women, not nude men.

I try to keep an out of sight, out of mind attitude about it. I know all men watch porn, and I suppose my partner does it as well. But if I caught him or saw what he was going out of his way to watch, I would probably be pretty upset. Especially considering half of what we see is already sexually explicit enough for him as is.

Good porn and attractive men are extremely difficult to come by for women, so really yeah I'm fully admitting it's a jealousy thing. I'm assuming most men would be pretty pissed off or upset if the roles were reversed, their wife/girlfriend constantly looking at jacked sexy men all day long online and outside, and having an infinite supply of any type porn she wants, while he gets little to nothing at all and has to actively seek it out and spend a lot of time doing so to find anything good. That's the life women live.

ThatBitchA · 2024-10-17T16:25:44+00:00

Really depends on the context.

If porn prevents intimacy in a relationship, it's similar to cheating.

If porn prevents the ability to perform sexually with your partner, that's similar to cheating.

If you're following porn stars and OF girls and trying to talk with them or whatever, that is cheating.

So...yes, porn can sometimes be cheating.

HighestTierMaslow · 2024-10-17T16:42:18+00:00

I dont think its cheating but I dont think its a good idea for most relationships based on the effects on the brain it has, backed up in alot of scientific literatire.

Certain-Ganache-6213 · 2024-10-17T17:57:25+00:00

The problem is a whole different problem. Nobody is telling women 'no'. Everyone is mostly agreeing with them and that is reinforcing their core identity. Thus for them, their man watching porn is reflecting bad on her core identity. Everyone was used to be attracted to her, except her guy! That’s cheating damn it.

They could also put more effort into it with enthusiasm to keep him away from it… but nah.. we can’t have that.

hostility_kitty · 2024-10-17T08:38:03+00:00

Cheating is whatever you set your boundaries to. For example, if my husband made an OnlyFans I would not find it to be cheating. Not a lot of other people would be comfortable with their partner doing that.

delusional-gf · 2024-10-17T10:20:11+00:00

It’s considered cheating to some because 1.) you are going out of your way to look up women you’re attracted to. This is different than passing by an attractive woman while out and about. And 2.) if we’re in a monogamous relationship, then it’s not too far of a stretch to understand that that also mean monogamy in sexual activities. So to them it would be considered cheating if you were involved in sexual activities involving other women.

John_Oakman · 2024-10-17T11:48:50+00:00

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart".

-Matthew 5:27-28

HollowHusk1 · 2024-10-17T06:58:35+00:00

It is cheating, you are lusting (at least temporarily) for another person. Using your sexuality outside of the context of with your spouse is cheating

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MC-Purp · 2024-10-17T21:33:59+00:00

Cheating is defined by what a couple agrees is cheating. So if a couple agrees porn is cheating, then it is. If a couple agrees that they can hook up with 1 person a month outside of the relationship, as long as they are under 4’11” and red headed. Then it’s not cheating. If someone has an issue with porn use then they need to speak up.

kekajol · 2024-10-17T22:38:02+00:00

It depends on the boundaries you set in a relationship; whether you mind your partner watching it or not.

StupidSexySisyphus · 2024-10-18T01:50:24+00:00

Cranking one out or flicking the bean to some person you're never going to interact with is fine. Doing such to people you do interact with or old media of an ex for example is something entirely different.

If you're just masturbating for self pleasure do it as much as you want as far as I'm concerned if I'm dating someone. That's your body and your autonomy.

notsuccessful22 · 2024-10-18T02:21:40+00:00

Porn is cheating weak and a waste of time

valerianandthecity · 2024-10-18T16:16:05+00:00

If someone considers it cheating, then it's cheating to them. Why not just find someone who doesn't consider it cheating?

OkSun6251 · 2024-10-19T00:19:37+00:00

I don’t consider it cheating, but that doesn’t mean it’s an ok behavior to bring into marriage. I understand it’s a struggle for many, but I would definitely not be ok with my husband not making an effort to avoid it. Foul foul habit for many reasons.

Otherwise_Aioli_7187 · 2024-10-17T09:19:19+00:00

It depends on the boundaries of your relationship, you can probably class it as emotional cheating because you fantasying about having sex with someone else and satisfying your sexual need outside of your relationship. In other cases with platforms like onlyfans men are developing intimate parasocial relationships with the content creators. Personally if my partner regularly watched it I’d lose attraction towards them 🤷🏽‍♀️

leosandlattes · 2024-10-17T06:52:39+00:00

Porn is cheating if one person presents it as a boundary, the other person agrees to this but crosses it anyway.

People view it as cheating because porn consumption is about gratifying yourself to other women’s bodies. Often times men place themselves within the imaginary role of fucking her as well. If you can’t understand why some women (and even maybe some men) would be against this, I don’t know what to tell you.

joforofor · 2024-10-17T11:00:20+00:00

The more relationships I've had the less jealous I get because it just gets more and more obvious that all of us fantasize about all kinds of stuff all the time. You can't control your partner. Either you let them be or you don't get into relationships, but you can't have both.

rustlerhuskyjeans · 2024-10-17T15:06:43+00:00

My current gf is antiporn it makes her upset. I’ve had plenty of girlfriends, none of them cared much at all.

Specs400 · 2024-10-17T14:07:34+00:00

Porn is neither cheating nor not cheating. Cheating is defined by the two people in a relationship. Sadly, it's often not defined, but assumed to be understood and then people's feelings get hurt.

Porn is so prevalant that no one can expect it to be silently understood to be cheating. It's perfectly reasonable to set that as a boundary, but that needs to be clearly stated so the other person can agree or not to be in a relationship with someone with that boundary.

Immediate_Wasabi_920 · 2024-10-17T08:35:39+00:00

Porn is considered cheating if the other half has treated them like a child and been all like "no porn for you because I say so", he agrees and then he goes and does it anyway.

But even then, such a restriction on what a man watches or not shouldn't even be a thing. Want to stop your partner watching porn because it's cheating? Cool. You do the same and give up your dildos because his penis should be all you need when you wanna get off. Fair is fair.

whaturuterusspawned · 2024-10-17T08:34:24+00:00

It can be cheating based on each couple's personal boundaries.

But it absolutely is a pathetic boundary to have. For me it would be a major flag should a woman attempt to set this boundary, but fortunately, women I've been with watched tons of porn too.

KGmagic52 · 2024-10-17T11:24:41+00:00

I've never heard a man say porn is cheating. Just something women use to control men.

Tough-Difference3171 · 2024-10-17T18:46:39+00:00

It's weird we are even discussing this. I can't imagine the kind of people who want to control their partner to the extent that they could even consider "porn as cheating".

Porn might be bad in many ways, but lol, it's not cheating.

Sargeras13 · 2024-10-17T12:45:25+00:00

When did porn become cheating? When did that happen?

nightsofthesunkissed · 2024-10-17T09:12:05+00:00

Think about Christian teachings and you're half-way to knowing why some people consider it cheating in some cases.

Even if someone doesn't call themselves a Christian, they can still have that residual moral transference either through being religious in their past, or it's in their culture, or they have a religious family history whereby certain teachings have been passed down...

For other people, I think it's just that masturbating and climaxing over someone else very much is cheating to them because it's like another person (even if it is just a picture or video) being thought of sexually in their mind.

I think particularly women can feel disgusted by their SO getting horny over someone else, in some cases, even if they do the same (so, hypocrisy basically).

Title	Porn is not cheating
Author	bluedinosaur12345
Upvotes	49
Comments	336
Date	October 17, 2024 6:08 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1g5kaof/porn_is_not_cheating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/porn-is-not-cheating.1533107 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533107

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