Here's some food for thought:

There’s a lot of talk around self-improvent these days. Content creators tell young men to focus on themselves like that’s not what you’ve been doing since the day you were born. We're trapped inside our minds most of the time. That's the problem.

It’s not just the manosphere saying this. Blue pillers will also lead you down the garden path and tell you to find happiness first before finding a partner to share it with. They’ll say that no relationship will magically solve all your problems. But that’s far from true. Loneliness might, in fact, be what’s keeping you from happiness and self-actualisation.

While working on yourself is a good thing, it can become toxic if taken too far. Both the red pill grindset and the blue pill bootstrap mentality turn life into nothing short of an RPG videogame where good, hard-working men are rewarded with money and love. This creates a strong sense of entitlement. The bluepiller will all but assume that being nice is enough to land a beautiful woman who loves you unconditionally whereas the redpiller will be outraged when he's rejected despite his looks and wealth. The lack of ROI can be tough. But dating isn't only based on stats. You don't need to be fully geared with all side quests completed (women as NPCs) before you face the final boss (women as antagonistic forces).

Focus too much on yourself and you’ll find it increasingly hard to relate to others. You might even end up resenting your own partner, be it because they're taking your hard-earned success for granted, because they lead better lives without even trying, or even because other people were sleeping with them weren't made to wait or had to put in as much effort.

Blue pillers are especially quick to assume you have a bad personality or are doing something wrong. They cannot fathom the idea of good men failing and narcissists being rewarded. But there is nothing more unnatural than fairness in this world. Some people are showered with undeserved affection while many good-hearted men are chronically single. It’s just how things go. Women aren't perfect judges of character. There’s no need to rationalise their choices with empty platitudes or broscience. It's better to be mindful and accept things as they actually are than to obsess over how things should be.

In a way, the grindset can become what prevents you from finding a partner if you’re not putting yourself out there. There’s always an excuse to put off doing something you dread. Maybe you never dated in high school because “it never lasts anyway”. Maybe you didn’t try your luck in college/uni because you thought women your age are vapid, promiscuous, or always clubbing. But those are just excuses. If women have to fix themselves too, that allows you to postpone dating indefinitely. You're trying to create the perfect conditions for succeeding in something that should be organic and spontaneous. Nobody around you is doing that. They present their imperfect selves to other imperfect people and learn to look past that. Choosing to stay single because you think everyone else is beneath you (like many women do) is frankly ridiculous.

Just be today's best version of yourself and take action. You'll be fine— or maybe not. It's normal to be afraid of trying something when you have no control over the outcome.