Can men who engage in hook up culture/casual sex, turn around and happily commit to long term monogamous relationships without cheating/hall passes/porn addiction etc.

ilovewinniethepooh · 2021-08-22T23:26:09+00:00

I find the trope of sleeping around habitually only to suddenly stop and settle for “the one”, is only a flowery narrative that is disguising something else. It is a fairy-tale that is a dressed-up version of a man touting “you’re not like other girls”. The whole idea is also definitely in a situationship with the never-dying trope of the manic pixie dream girl.

The trope is not actually about the man. The trope has something it wants to say about the “kind of woman” that can get a man to settle down. It’s less about the man than it is really about the woman.

electroloop · 2021-08-22T21:57:29+00:00

Nope. A tiger can’t change his stripes.

Although we all want to believe the mythical woman exists who can “change him”, deep down that porn sickness and misogyny is embedded permanently. Men who consistently seek out casual sex are ones that always have “the grass is greener mentality.”

Ever why they use the term “can’t turn a ho into a housewife” to describe women? That’s because they know it’s true about THEMSELVES. It’s clear projection.

purasangria · 2021-08-22T21:57:23+00:00

My opinion? No, they are for the streets.

Men who seek those types of casual relationships do so because that's what they want. They aren't the type to settle down. They want a continuous variety. They have little to offer a woman.

ashcantcatchabreak · 2021-08-22T23:18:32+00:00

No, if they view sex and relationships as something to fulfill a craving, instant gratification, they aren’t able to engage in a meaningful relationship without significant therapy.

To clarify: is it possible? Yes. Is it probable? No.

08__80 · 2021-08-22T22:01:01+00:00

Can a man who spent years viewing women as moist holes change? Can a man who spent years viewing women as prey and as conquests change? Can a man who thinks sticking his dick into as many women as possible with zero regard to their feelings as success change? Can a man who's had sex with 100 women but given an orgasm to 0 change? Can a man who views bragging to himself and other men about all the sex he has as more satisfying than actually having the sex, change? (I will give an example of this. A 17 year old boy bragged on a reddit sub that he stuck his dick into the mouth of a drunk/passed out girl. When other people on that sub informed him that he was a rapist, he said "don't care! had sex!" and was outraged that he wasn't being celebrated for his accomplishment. He did not enjoy ~~the sex~~ his act of rape. He just wanted to enjoy the happy brain chemicals he was supposed to get from bragging about it, and we mean monsters ruined that for him.)

I don't believe men like this suddenly hit 30 and start respecting women and seeing them as humans.

BasieSkanks · 2021-08-22T22:01:17+00:00

In my experience, promiscuous men have serious attachment issues and they see women as objects to be used. They’ve often resorted to manipulative and selfish tactics to get women into bed. Basically they’re not relationship material. Community dick can never be a worthy partner/husband.

Platipus6 · 2021-08-22T22:16:40+00:00

If he has to 'settle down' it's because he got old and ugly and can't easily be a fuckboy anymore. He'll look down on any woman who accepts his trash ass.

"Sowing his seeds" is bullshit. Men can barely afford 1 child lately. They shouldn't be fucking around.

Technical_Moth248 · 2021-08-22T23:22:59+00:00

For most of them, probably not. There’s always women that marry these guys and say they completely changed for them, but I’m always suspicious of the issues they secretly have going in the background that they are either unaware of or pretend doesn’t bug them. Most common is probably porn addiction, but I think you’re also more likely to be cheated on when you’re dealing with someone that spent ages looking at women as living sex toys. I would never feel secure with a “recovered” fuckboy unless I knew he had been in therapy. You’re not going to suddenly start viewing women as people overnight.

bombas- · 2021-08-23T00:51:15+00:00

The difference between a woman who fucked 100 people and a man who fucked 100 people is that the man had to hurt a lot of people to do it.

Can a man like that change what he WANTS? Sure, happens all the time— men get older and want a partner, a family, a home. Even PUA “gurus” have settled down or found religion. But what they want is their problem, and not the important question.

Can a man like that change his behaviors? That probably depends on the individual, and again I don’t think it’s the important question.

The important question is: can a man like that change his values and atone for the harm that he’s done?

A man who has manipulated 100 women into sex should face as much moral scrutiny as a man who physically attacked 100 people, or lied to 100 people, or stole from 100 people. (Often, he did all of that, to get the sex.) What would a man like that have to do to make up for it before he’d be worthy of your love?

I think often, their values haven’t changed at all. They still see women as a resource to exploit. Instead of using dozens of women to briefly get something he wants (sex) he’s just gonna switch to using one woman for years to get something he wants (a family.)

Or maybe he’s done a LOT of work on himself…but probably not. I think someone capable of hurting all those women to begin with is missing some element of fundamental human decency on a very deep level.

queenofswordsxxx · 2021-08-22T22:17:17+00:00

Can’t turn a hoe into a husband

My question to the women here is why would you want to date a guy who has a past?

RP/ MGTOW guys always tout the phrase “Men care about women’s pasts, and women care about men’s futures”

That is categorically untrue. We do care about your past. We care if you have some dormant STD from your hoe-ing days. We care if you’ve left a trail of broken hearts and have no remorse because it shows you’ll do likely it to us. We care if you have a history of misogyny/ objectifying and degrading women.

This idea that men can do whatever they want and move on to a new girl who will turn a blind eye to his past dirty habits is a delusion.

Any quality woman would see it as an instant red flag. I’ve rejected guys based on the mere rumours that he’s a ‘playboy’ ‘fuckboy’ ‘player’. I don’t want to have to worry if he’s going to cheat, whether he even has the capacity to love and whether or not he’s willing to put effort into making this work.

LVM are likely LV forever.

Sure there are exceptions, and sure one day when he’s balding and getting fat, ‘the scene’ will be done with him or he’ll be done with ‘the scene’ and he’ll settle with whatever pick-me is available. But it’s not the relationship us FDS-ers want. We want true love and authenticity. This is just settling.

deadinsidelol69 · 2021-08-23T01:06:53+00:00

Can't turn a ho into a husband. They can't go from treating women as disposable objects to treating them like people. It's too hard.

Renrenchi · 2021-08-23T05:34:12+00:00

I don't believe it. Maybe on the surface everyone believes in a "former" fuckboy who decided to settle down, found his "true love" and they lived happily ever after.

The truth is more like that the fuckboy decides to have a wife and make her give him children because it's what society expects (status). He is getting older and younger fuckboys have taken his place so now he feels he has to secure himself a bangmaid. He still keeps his old habits like watching porn, looking to cheat and generally having 0 respect towards his wife. Doesn't help with raising children either.
Some might keep a mask of a "good husband" longer but then midlife crisis happens and he fucks up everything, yet again.

daisy_0720 · 2021-08-23T09:57:51+00:00

I have a co-worker who was sleazy fuckboi supreme (to the point of sleeping with multiple women in the office and causing drama) who has now 'settled down' at 42 and constantly goes on about being a husband and father like he's dad of the year.

Last office Christmas party, he tried to have sex with a 22 year old.

They don't change.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2021-08-22T22:05:17+00:00

I think theoretically it's possible and people can change but it needs to come from within them for it to be meaningful and permanent.

They would need to address their previous fuckboy lives in intensive therapy. I would bet if they're capable of this then they had a nagging doubt during their fuckboy days but did it anyway and in that case there would need to be additional introspection to figure out why they went along with it. They would also need to figure out what they got out of it or were looking for in that time and what's shifted within themselves that they would now be actively interested in a long term monogamous relationship.

And this period would take time. I wouldn't trust a guy who acted like a fuckboy three months prior to suddenly be fully committed and monogamous. I'd expect him to abstain from dating and work on himself without dragging others into his mess.

AphoticEnigma_ · 2021-08-22T22:44:31+00:00

No way, they will still perv over other women behind the wife’s back and watch porn etc

CroneRaisedMaiden · 2021-08-23T00:58:55+00:00

If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck….

DandelionScreaming · 2021-08-22T22:53:00+00:00

Can they? Technically it’s possible. But I’m gonna say no. They would have to genuinely change their own mind (you can’t do it for them) about what a relationship should be and what is enough for them. There’s always the risk of them getting nostalgic and wanting to have one more fling. I wouldn’t risk dating them.

denimlace · 2021-08-22T21:56:12+00:00

No. Ruined for life by their degeneracy. It’s like asking if you can reform a criminal. Um yeah, I guess theoretically maybe but I would not touch with a ten foot pole.

cat_lio · 2021-08-23T08:06:31+00:00

As someone who married a typical fuckboy, No.

At first, he said and did all the right things. Then he got even more into porn, started chatting up multiple women from his previous Harem, and he eventually relapsed into his old habits.

He didn't go to therapy or even try really. He was desperate for attention and couldn't live without it.

He's an ex now.

Edit: I was obviously suck a pick-me back then, I felt so special for being picked. And some of his friend told me that I must be really great, because he had a lot of choices and he chose me. I toke that as a compliment 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡.

Oh and he was bitter about an ex that dumped him and went no contact. I would listen to him whine about it and think that the woman must be so dumb from missing out on being with him 🤡🤡🤡🤡.

Of course later on I realized that I was the dumb one for marrying a failure.

The good thing now is that I'm so over it. I forget sometimes that I was married and when I remember I cringe so hard 😬.

Fitncurly · 2021-08-22T23:45:39+00:00

Community dick is best thrown out—it’s germy and not good for you 🚮😆

shutup201 · 2021-08-23T00:54:41+00:00

For the most part, no. Screwing women is seen as a badge of honor for a lot of men. For them to change, they would have to change their perspective on life and their way of living. I don't think it's impossible but it's highly unlikely for most l/nvm, especially in a society that enables them to be cheaters, porn addicts, sexually irresponsible, etc.

If they change, it would have to be a total change like a true reset of their mind, changes like that are rare.

kitnb · 2021-08-23T01:55:10+00:00

No.

Next question.

Seriously, as long as cheating/hall passes/porn and pickmeshias still exist, no, men will never stop and "happily commit". Why should they. Society and too many women gives them every excuse and every reason not to.

cynnamonn · 2021-08-22T22:06:04+00:00

even in the scenario that a promiscuous man meets a woman he is even the slightest bit actually interested in , most of them are extremely avoidant and will sabotage that connection / use their experience in meeting one woman they are intrigued by as justification to try to meet even more women and have more experiences … so no

dancedancedance7 · 2021-08-22T22:07:08+00:00

Can they? Sure. It's highly unlikely and past actions are the best indicator for future behavior. Why do you think job interviews require a resume, and people get rejected for weird stuff like a series of short employments?

Women aren't rehab centers who are meant to give infinite chances, and men aren't some jackpot lottery that you keep playing on the off chance they get it right.

MerrilyMerrilyMe · 2021-08-23T04:45:46+00:00

Granted, I don't know their lives because duh, celebrities? But for me, this trope always brings to mind Warren Beatty and Annette Bening.

The story, when they wed around 30 years ago, was that fuckboy Warren finally found The One. The rumored story was that fuckboy Warren got old enough to start not only having younger women reject his advances, but having them openly laugh at him or display obvious disgust in response.

And we know all too well how marvelously men cope with women's ridicule, don't we?

LadyGrimes · 2021-08-22T22:47:22+00:00

Nope, I'm pretty sure they will always crave novelty.

jackrusselterror1 · 2021-08-22T23:43:34+00:00

A high partner count is a dealbreaker to me, especially if he enjoyed casual, participated in ONS and threesomes, and/or had a fuccboi phase. Porn usage, cheating, dabbling in polyamory, BDSM, and kink are also dealbreakers. I believe in looking at men’s pasts and listening, because history will repeat itself.

Men don’t change that much unless

The behavior has had serious detrimental affects that he recognizes as direct consequences because of his actions. Ex: lost his job because he had an affair at work with a coworkers husband (as in, got caught in a broom closet), lost reputation in his field, diminished career prospects because everyone knows what he did, multiple baby mommas and lots of child support, his reputation was a reason he was rejected by women, STDs, erectile dysfunction from excessive masturbation, etc, etc. These consequences must outweigh the benefits of his previous actions. He also needs to truly care about these consequences and be allowed to hit rock bottom (no enablers or supporters cushioning the blows. Some men honestly don’t care what they lose as long as they can tug it to porn or fuck strange, these men are especially irredeemable and broken). As many men seem to hold their peepee as the highest and most important motivator, I honestly doubt that any consequences are bad enough for men who like strange to stop pursuing strange.
He wants to change. This motivation must come from within himself, shame and external consequences aren’t enough. He has to put in the effort himself. Since this motivation is internal, it’s almost impossible to tell if he has what it takes prior to getting hurt (you can snoop or play the relationship police, or you can next him and find a man who didn’t go through women like I go through books, your call).
He has a plan to change, with goals that are observable and measurable (can’t just be “stop being a porn addict”, has to be along the lines of “set up software to prevent accessing certain websites” “never bring my phone in the bathroom” “switch to a flip phone” etc). This plan must not include other people- if he only behaves when other people are watching and an active part of recovery, it’s a way of weaseling out of making an effort, and he won’t change. He can have support, like a therapist, but he must not put policing as someone else’s responsibility.
He’s open to feedback and doesn’t take offense at questions about his progress.
He must take accountability for his actions and not blame others. He should apologize sincerely, and respect whatever relationship and boundaries the person they hurt wants to have with him. Ex: No talking shit about his ex wife and what she could have done better, no implying that his cheating was her fault, shuts down any family members or friends shit talking her, etc.
He must honestly reflect why he did what he did. Being a habitual fuccboi, porn user, cheat, etc means he’s okay using then discarding women. A lot of men with a high body count lie about their intentions, claiming they actually wanted a relationship, in order to achieve that. He must figure out how to combat the traits and thought patterns that made this acceptable to him. This step is usually the hardest to accomplish but is essential in order to make a meaningful change
He should cut out anyone who enabled him. That buddy who gave him an alibi when he’d cheat on his partner? No contact. Those internet friends who discussed how to hide his actions? No contact. Those ‘mutual’ friends who knew he was cheating but never told his partner? Gone. If he cheated with a coworker? Look for a new job. Get a new hobby, surround himself with new people, or he’ll fall back into the same shit he’s always done.

While it’s theoretically possible for them to change, I honestly would never recommend dating a guy with a past like that. They don’t reform and we have better things to do than rehabilitating broken men. Frankly we might have a better chance finding a unicorn than a reformed and repentant womanizer. Why risk it?

AntiqueGhost13 · 2021-08-22T23:52:50+00:00

I think it's possible, albeit incredibly rare, and the desire to change has to be intrinsic. I met this LVM surgeon once who was a "reformed" playboy and settled down in his early 40s, probably because he saw all his friends doing the same. He would complain about his wife and kids every single day, would tell stories about the "hot" women he used to get in college, and would apparently still try to hook up with nurses. This is what I imagine happens to most former f-boys: begrudgingly settling down when the music stops.

DaughteroftheDawn · 2021-08-22T22:51:14+00:00

And to clarify by hook up culture/casual sex, I’m referring to men who engage habitually. Like fuck boy levels.

I believe that once a fuck boy, always a fuck boy. Men who engage in “hook up culture” tend to have dark triad personalities. I’d stay tf away.

carmen_sandiegos_hat · 2021-08-22T23:10:34+00:00

Short answer: Not really.

Long answer: If you read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, these men are externalizers. Meaning the loneliness they experience on the inside (from childhood and carried into adulthood) is often exhibited by acting out with casual sex, destructive situations and relationships, drug abuse, midlife crises, and more. They seek out as many people as they can to help soothe that loneliness. An externalizer tends to burn bridges and get frustrated when people don't mirror them exactly or do as they want.

Unless THEY seek out help or have a period of reflection when they start to realize this and begin to correct their path, they will not change. It's similar to asking if a narcissist can change (which externalizers often have narcissistic traits). It is two steps forward, one step back with progress and there will always be remnants of the previous life.

secularwitch · 2021-08-22T22:29:27+00:00

No. They always cheat on their wifes because they "miss" their old "wild" days once in a while and cheat to satisfy the craving. People cannot change through love or monogomy. People can only change when they receive proper guidance with an intense amount of willingness that comes within. What are the chances that this man will ever get a training on respecting women more and awareness rising on casual sexism/misogny? What are the chances that this man will ever be so willing to implement this newly found information? Yeah, 0.

galian84 · 2021-08-23T02:00:20+00:00

Possible? Yes. Probable? Nah.

Usually males like that have the mindset of women being objects for their pleasure and consumption, and they are users. They have to go through intensive therapy to change their ways, but the vast majority will not because they truly believe there’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing/thinking.

For example, in my pickmeisha days, I dated an old scrote who was 19 years older than me (🤮). He was a player and a known flirt who had 20+ partners before me. And he told me he was ready to “settle down”. Even when he was with me, he still never stopped wanting to party, or openly flirt with other women, following p0rn stars on social media, or watching p0rn. He swore he was doing nothing wrong because he wasn’t “actively out sleeping with other women” and literally told me “a man is only as faithful as his options”. He was a disgusting misogynistic prick.

So no, it’s not worth the risk IMO.

SkyWanderluster · 2021-08-22T23:33:46+00:00

I've never seen it happen, so my answer is no.

The only time I've "seen it happen" was that the dude wanted a kid, so he stuck around until the kid was old enough to start school to go back to his old life. He tricked the woman to use her womb and nothing else.

The only time I've seem people do radical changes in their life was when death was knocking on their door such as addiction (my case) and homelessness. Otherwise there's no motivation for you to rewire your brain in such radical ways.

Being a hoe poses no threat to life itself so there's no strong enough motive to change.

super_thinker_ · 2021-08-23T02:59:56+00:00

Once upon a time, I sold my soul to the pickme devil and changed a fuck boy. Long story short: getting “picked” wasn’t worth it. Most days, it feels like I’ll never get that dignity back.

throwawayastrogirl · 2021-08-23T11:49:58+00:00

No, they do not. Considering the fact most men are incapable of loving a woman and that they used women as sexual objects, I doubt it. In fact, I am certain. They all say mUh biOLoGy and that men can sleep around and settle down while women can't tells me all we need to know. They are projecting.

These men will snatch a poor unsuspecting women, have a year or two of their idyllic white picket fence life and then the itch will start itching again. They will go through a midlife crisis and cheat on her.

Stay away from them, they bring nothing but mediocre sex and lots of baggage a single therapist couldn't handle on their own.

OrangeCatsAreNice · 2021-08-23T12:30:38+00:00

I dont believe so. To be honest, i have a hard time even believing a man can be faithful, let alone one that engaged in hookup culture heavily.

I believe many of those men are always proving themselves to other men, and that is one of the main reasons they try to have sex with as many people as possible. A man that seeks approval of other men cannot be faithful.

quasarbar · 2021-08-23T06:09:14+00:00

I suppose anything's possible, but I wouldn't count on it. I'd recommend that women who respect themselves seek out more wholesome men.

throwawaynevermindit · 2021-08-23T01:10:21+00:00

No. No.

The common male concern about women with a past being unable to happily commit/bond to a single partner is 10000% projection. Women who were wild for a little while can and often do move on and end up in happy monogamous relationships. It's not as difficult for us in general because women's morality is based more on empathy and principle, and our preferences mature as we mature... what passes for morality in most men, on the other hand, is more habit than anything, and society allows them, sometimes even encourages them, to remain immature in perpetuity. A man who developed the habits of an exploitative loser in his youth will almost never grow out of them. Sometimes the form/expression changes, since opportunity to fuck around obviously dwindles for men as they age. But that doesn't make them good partners... usually just makes them resentful porn addicts.

My current partner had a pretty normal amount of opportunity through his 20s and wasn't inexperienced when we met, however he actively dispreferred casual hookups and didn't really aim to sleep around the way many men think they ought to. This relationship is also, easily, the best relationship of my life, both emotionally and sexually, so far. Not a coincidence imo.

inlovewithaloser · 2021-08-22T23:06:30+00:00

I have seen this happen, actually. (Though very rare indeed.)

IMHO, I don’t even think it’s much of an accomplishment to get a “redeemed fuckboy” because if he picks you then usually it’s because it’s under those conditions of fulfilling the double standard roles he has for women. Like, yeah he’s “redeemed” for you but maybe it’s because he views you as the Madonna trope and is still totally sexist against other women. I’ve seen the most disgusting guys still land very “presentable” girlfriends who give them credibility in front of society, while having been or still being pigs with other women. It’s gives me nausea because that’s the patriarchy at play.

raindropsonnoses · 2021-08-23T01:30:07+00:00

No.....

Every guy I've met into casual hookups and shit treat women shit, are shit and have other serious issues going on in their lives.

exhalefierceness · 2021-08-23T02:54:01+00:00

TigreImpossibile · 2021-08-23T12:14:23+00:00

Unless we're talking about a really young guy (say under 25), I would say no, they absolutely cannot change.

I think if you don't change that behaviour by a certain age, it just hardens into an attitude about sex and women that you have little incentive to change. These guys might marry, but I will never believe they are faithful. It's just way too easy these days to keep it going. Even if he has the best of intentions to "change his ways", what happens as soon as your relationship hits a rough patch or he gets tired of sleeping with the same woman every night?

I wouldn't trust a guy like this in his 30s or older as far as I can throw him.

frostedgemstone · 2021-08-23T04:51:45+00:00

From what I’ve seen.. nah. The only thing that stops them is aging getting to them, to the point they cannot attract anyone at all anymore. This happens earlier for some men than others

fireforestfairy · 2021-08-23T11:15:01+00:00

Almost no. The only reason these men "settled down" is because they realise they've hit a wall and want to start a family. There's always the possibility that the guy realised it is wrong to be a fuckboy so quit hooking up with women, but it's statistically unlikely. Most assholes remain as assholes in the first place as they don't think what they are doing is wrong.

scrotesmadsosad · 2021-08-23T18:36:57+00:00

OP please, I tried to make a post on this but it kept getting removed

In short, the research shows that men who have had casual sex are VERY BAD NEWS

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pa5u7f/research_shows_that_community_dick_is/?ref=share&ref_source=link

LR_today · 2021-08-22T23:01:13+00:00

My ex was a fuckboi casual sex guy, numbers well above 50 partners at 20 years old. He fully committed to me (because I'm awesome) but was wondering about what it would be like to be with other women after 4 years together. We broke up, he went on a sex tour of Asia, met some tourist there and convinced her to move across the planet for him. Married her and has a kid now.

I wish nothing but bad things on the man who wasted 6 years of my absolute prime years.

Hikari3747 · 2021-08-23T18:30:29+00:00

It's possible, but very unlikely.

Think about it, how long dose it take for you to change a bad habit? To lose five pounds, to start a good new habit etc.

It's takes a lot for a person to change one small thing about themselves. To become a honest person who is monogamous after tasting the for in fruit of fucking around like an animal is very difficult.

Imagine if you were allowed to do as you please with little to no consequences? You might not want to go back to be a honest good person who is trustworthy.

It is possible, but it will take a lot of time, effort, reflection, reevaluation, therapy, etc.

It's a journey in itself that most people do not have the motivation or determination to complete. Tis the weakness of humen being, we lack the desire to be better than we are.

CynicalSucculent · 2021-08-22T22:57:41+00:00

Theoretically, maybe they can change, if they're pushed to do so. But am I gonna be the one to do it?

No.

ChocolateBiscuit96 · 2021-08-22T23:35:27+00:00

I don’t think so. I remember one guy I was talking to had casual sex w at least 10 women and stated that the majority of his relationships lasted 3-4 months max. His longest relationship was in HS.

I don’t think he’s the commitment type and he has no experience with a LTR so when things get “hard”, he bails.

psychsense · 2021-08-23T00:01:23+00:00

Any_Indication_2754 · 2021-08-23T01:28:55+00:00

Nope. You cant make a husband out of a ho.

GCFDSthrowaway · 2021-08-22T22:41:21+00:00

No. They cannot commit. They're idealists and think they can... but it only lasts for a short time before they feel stifled and 'things just aren't right.' What's not 'right' is they're not getting the dopamine release they're dependent on that only comes from bright and shiny new conquests. If they're not chasing, they're not feeling that thrill they've become addicted to. They've never derived pleasure from familiarity and the intimacy that comes with committed love, so they feel deprived and like they're not getting what they 'need' from the relationship. The next ~~victim~~ woman who comes along will spark that desire again, and he'll convince himself that she's different, that this time it's the real thing. But it's never the real thing because they're incapable.

ogfallenicicle · 2021-08-22T22:48:04+00:00

I dated an f-boy once. He had a lot of insecurities and issues, and to compensate he would hook up. He was really good at that. He really tried to have a real relationship but his deep seated attachment issues and insecurities kept coming in the way. I think fboys are a victims of their own shortcomings. Some people humour as a defensive mechanism, they use pickup artistry and sex as theirs.

SturmFee · 2021-08-23T10:38:41+00:00

Yes, but only with a women he put on the pedestal from the start. The fwb turned relationship is probably not going to work out, because you already have been the "whore", you can't be the "Madonna" now.

Ok-Performance5997 · 2021-08-23T01:39:18+00:00

I know of 1, but thats it. I think it’s incredibly uncommon. The caveat there is that the man was very intelligent, well educated, didn’t have any deeply ingrained misogynistic philosophy like incels and mgtows do (mother was a radical feminist lesbian) and the casual/hook up sex was mutually enthusiastic (no weird pick-up artistry tactics). He got married to a woman 8 years older than him at 33 and is a doting father to daughters.

Future-Positive · 2021-08-23T19:36:19+00:00

Nope! He can't! And the answer is super simple: it's not in HIS best interest. Men only think about themselves. For they to change, they must be feeling real shitty and acknowledge he has a real problem and seek help. But let's face it: how many men think this is an issue? Yeap. None! 🤡

deepdarkocean · 2021-08-23T00:23:58+00:00

unless they really really heal from this, if they do they will resent you

Determinedblonde · 2021-08-22T21:51:31+00:00

Idk but I’m curious what everyone thinks!

fak_beauty_standards · 2021-08-23T05:47:05+00:00

No. Engaging in hookup culture means he derives pleasure from women (pl.), not a connection with a particular woman.

It doesn't matter how awesome you are. You are a woman, not multiple women. It's the skyrocketing n-count that he dreams of, not a deep connection, as he doesn't think there could be a connection with a creature such as a woman, just like you don't think there could be a connection with a bag of chips.

And even if he's inlove with you, being with you is making his n-count stagnant so he feels like he's sacrificing a lot for you, instead of being happy he found you.

Also, these type of men claim to fall in love all the time when they see a hottie, cause they don't even know the meaning.

And 99% of the time he treats you very different from his previous hookups. Meaning two things:

he doesn't treat you like a disposable object
he's not exciting with you, since you're the worthy one, so don't need gifts, flowers, surprise trips on Bahamas, cause that's for shallow bitches and you must have rather want a book as a Christmas gift

Hookup culture comes from a deeper place and is not just a phase. It's a disorder.

HamburgerFries8 · 2021-08-23T08:45:25+00:00

I don't see how it's possible.

Novemberinthechair · 2021-08-23T09:21:39+00:00

Nope.

SpicyScroteRoastery · 2021-08-23T14:58:59+00:00

Yes, physically possible for people to change with hard work and intention, but statistically insignificant % do, so treat it like a "no".

2020na · 2021-08-23T20:39:26+00:00

Hmmm that's a good question I'd like to hear discussed on the podcast.

When they start looking different from their younger years, settling down is the best thing for them to do. They don't have a choice but to settle down in order to get sex. So yes it's possible for them to settle down because the options to continue being a playboy when you're older diminishes. (Which is also why they go after inexperienced/younger women).

If he's rich rich then he can be a playboy forever, but some rich men know the value that marriage holds on his character, career, legacy etc

Altowhovian93 · 2021-08-23T02:48:56+00:00

I feel like it would have to be his conscious choice to stop engaging in hook up/fuckboi culture. He’d have to delete all the apps, possibly social media, be celibate, and be in therapy for at least 6 months. That’s a hard lifestyle change to make from instant gratification everywhere to completely single with no distractions.

That said I know a lot of guys who dated around, had fun, just did not care who they were with as long as they weren’t single, until they got to a point where they were tired of the life style, wanted stability, wanted a family, etc. at that point they started being intentional about who they were dating because they wanted to settle.

Which it can be annoying to see this guy who was terrible in the last 5 relationships suddenly “man up” and start treating woman #6 right because he decided it was time to settle and get serious.

My point is, if he wants to, he will. There isn’t a thing you can do if he is not actively wanting to commit and settle down. You just have to vet early to see his attitude and if he’s going to waste your time, move on!

alexjames_sc · 2021-08-23T01:20:05+00:00

Eh, as a prior pickme that hooked up a looottttt, and is now in a happy, healthy monogamous relationship without the "loopholes"....I'd like to think that depending on why they were FBoys, they could also wake the hell up someday and learn better. Emphasis on "like to think" lol

Feminineprincess · 2021-08-23T17:23:27+00:00

Even when LVM get with “the love of their lives” they may have a modicum of respect for her but still treat her like doo doo.

AwkwardDisaster4150 · 2021-08-23T17:47:58+00:00

Maybe if it’s a guy who has a history of not being a fuckboy but then decided to try it briefly because of the culture/ the availability of that lifestyle/ society tells men it’s a good thing to be a fuckboy, or whatever other stupid reason. If someone tried it for a little while and then didn’t like it much, then yes they’re still marriage material, but a guy who’s in his 30s or 40s and has been a fuckboy since his teens or early 20s, no way. They belong to the streets. I actually know a couple guys like this who are in their 40s and now decided they want to settle down and have a family but like.. the women who want a family won’t take them seriously at all bc they’re narcissistic fuckboys and obviously not marriage material and any woman in her 30s can see that immediately. Yes they can both pull women in their 20s because they are both very wealthy, like $250K annual salary and up, but those women do not want to marry them, just to party and spend their money. I almost feel bad for them that they’re going to die alone. Ok let’s be real I don’t feel bad for them at all, they deserve it.

msromperstomper · 2021-08-23T20:06:14+00:00

Let's also not forget the reverse fuck-boy, so the guy who married young for cultural or religious reasons but then hits his mid30s and now wants his fuckboy phase. Seen too much of this phenomenon as of late...

Status_Theory_726 · 2021-08-24T01:38:56+00:00

maybe, but personally I still wouldn't risk dating one. It's like having a well-trained pet chimp (no offense to chimps)... just not worth the risk because its true nature and instincts will always be latent

imtryingtotryhere · 2021-08-23T03:02:24+00:00

I would say for most fuckboys this is not the case.

However, two of my cousins are 'reformed fuckboys.' One married in his late 30s to a late 20s woman and he is a devoted husband/father. The other married in his early thirties to a woman in her early 20s and he is a devoted husband/father too. The age gap does raise my eyebrows.

They are too tired to be fucking around with other women since they both took on more responsibilities with the family business around the same time they married. I guess they eventually came to terms with the fact they couldn't be careless forever?? Before marriage, they were the typical rich party boys and slept around a lot. But now they are focused on business and family and running on very little free time.

rotfang-conspiracy · 2021-08-22T22:07:55+00:00

People can change when they want to change. When they see value in bettering themselves and going for meaningful relationships. We all change. A lot of women are here because we are looking into doing things differently. It can be the same for men. But you can't change them. If they change on their own and you are dealing with a person who has gone through that phase of life, then evaluate them on where they are now. Past is not always the predictor of future. I know of people who spend a long time being proper and then go wild when the opportunity presented itself.

File-Own · 2021-08-24T10:26:03+00:00

catifyy · 2021-08-23T19:05:27+00:00

It depends on when the man was a f*boy. Let's say in the past 2 years, he was a f*boy, of course not.. Let's say 10 years ago, when he was 20, he was hooking up with people. Personally, I would not mind, people change drastically in 10 years compared to 2. Of course, this is just my personal preference let me know what you all think.

sunset74420 · 2021-08-25T01:24:43+00:00

I suppose it's possible, just like it is possible for someone to find a million-dollar lottery ticket while rummaging in a dumpster. Doesn't mean it's remotely likely, nor is it a good use of my time.

When I find out a guy is into casual or FWB, any chance he has with me is nonexistent. If someone is trying to get into my pants right away, that tells me a few things and none of them are good. It tells me that his priorities are all fucked up, for one. What if he were to take all that energy that he spends trying to get laid and uses it to work toward something substantial? There's a whole big world out there, places to see, things to learn, and if a guy's prevailing interest begins and ends with his genitals, it is a gigantic turn-off. Is it supposed to impress me that a guy bedded a lot of women when there was most likely alcohol, manipulation, or some other form of coercion involved? Nah.

And dating the town dildo doesn't make a woman powerful. Why would I want to be seen out in public and look like an ass because every other woman out there already knows what his penis looks like? I'd be the laughingstock of the town. Why would I want someone who lacks the critical thinking skills to evaluate short-term pleasure against the risks of causing an unwanted pregnancy or spreading STDs? I don't want to be around anyone whose behavior I felt I had to police because it is clear he can't do it himself. What if I had surgery and couldn't have sex for a couple weeks? I don't need the added stress of worrying whether or not he can control himself until I am healed.

Big fat nope for me.

Hippofuzz · 2021-08-23T07:29:53+00:00

I really don’t know but I do know that my sister found her now husband while sleeping around after her (and his) first divorce… they both kinda hd a time of “casual sex” until they met and just absolutely deeply fell for each other. He is awesome though, which makes sense cause my sister doesn’t play, she always had the attitude to cut people out once they don’t bring enough to the table, and she always lived by that rule, hence the quite abrupt divorce after her ex stopped treating her like she deserved.

I do think however, that that might be the exception of the rule

Apprehensive_Slice28 · 2021-08-22T22:15:14+00:00

comet2004 · 2021-08-25T04:17:38+00:00

I mean it depends on how he is hooking up. Is he hooking up because hes attractive, charismatic, respectful, and therefore girls enthusiastically want to hook up with him? Or is he manipulating girls into sex. Because the difference is someone manipulative who sees women as objects will never stop being manipulative even after they settle down.

Muffcakelord · 2021-08-23T06:59:41+00:00

I actually know 2 men who used to be active fuckboys either for the sake of healing a broken heart or/and for the excitement of it. They both randomly found their perfect match and have been in a relationship with them for the past 6 years or so and they seem like their relationships only get better for each year. It's possible, but they gotta find the right one and their reasoning for being a fuckboy probably has to be something besides their fear or dislike of commitment, or they'll have to fix that as well

AutoModerator · 2021-08-22T21:45:00+00:00

[1] - We Just Launched a Website: wwww.TheFemaleDatingStrategy.com. Click here for registration information. Please also join our Twitter and Instagram Pages for updates!
[2] - Please read the FDS Handbook and Wiki before commenting. Repeated comments demonstrating lack of basic sub knowledge will result in a temporary or permanent ban.
[3] - Please REPORT any comments that do not follow the sub rules. If you do not report it, the mods will not see it.
[4] - PLEASE REMOVE ALL PERSONAL IDENTIFIABLE INFORMATION from images (Name, Location, Job description, education, phone number, etc). Failure to remove ID info will result in a 1-2 day ban. Repeated failures will result in a permanent ban.
[5] - This sub is FEMALE ONLY. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!! Please DOWNVOTE and REPORT immediately.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	Can men who engage in hook up culture/casual sex, turn around and happily commit to long term monogamous relationships without cheating/hall passes/porn addiction etc.
Author	GabbaG0ul
Upvotes	604
Comments	182
Date	August 22, 2021 9:44 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/p9lom7/can_men_who_engage_in_hook_up_culturecasual_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/can-men-who-engage-in-hook-up-culturecasual-sex.1060444 https://theredarchive.com/post/1060444

Comments