Is Love even fckin real?

Slipthe · 2022-03-02T16:58:32+00:00

Love will start that way. Burning. Obsessive.

But the more familiar you become with a person, the less intense that obsession becomes.

Passion gets replaced with conviction. You're no longer motivated by the infatuation oxytocin cocktail in your brain, and you are instead motivated by this feeling that your person is an integral facet of your life and always deserves to be elevated to your level of happiness and success.

Cobra_x30 · 2022-03-02T17:06:57+00:00

This is because you are too focused on the feminine version of romantic love, where two people are entwined by some magical destiny to be together. It's bullshit and you should give this dumb idea up.

Love definitely exists, but it isn't something that just happens to you. Instead it's something you choose, and must continue to choose. You have to wake up every single day and choose to love the man or woman you are with. It isn't sexy, or romantic, but it's the truth.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-03-02T17:22:39+00:00

I'm starting to doubt it with each and every day. I want to believe I love my wife, and that she loves me. When she packs on 60+ lbs going from a 9 to a 6, it's really testing my patience with her.

And vice versa, I made 100k+ prior to covid, now I WFH making significantly less and her contempt for me is real. It feels more and more like we're both just numbers to each other.

I want to believe these are just ebbs and flows of life but the impact on our relationship is real.

Dirty30andflirty · 2022-03-02T16:59:39+00:00

I’m not sure what kind of answer you’re looking for here but imo yes, love does exist. There are several types and they are not all romantic or between two lovers. I think your “ideas” of what love is that you listed up there is so incredibly flawed. If that’s the solely what you think about love then yeah I could see why you don’t believe in it or have had trouble finding it. It’s really an incredibly complicated topic but look up and read into the different types of love and what each one means. Hopefully that helps you figure something out.

relish5k · 2022-03-02T17:23:14+00:00

Yes, love is absolutely real. But to go with your fire analogy - the initially "burning" only lasts so long. If the burning was only consuming kindling then it disappears. But if you feed that fire with nice fresh cut wood, and tend to it and replace it and shift the logs around, then it will stay alight.

Men love women for youth and beauty, sure. But plenty of women are young and beautiful. To all but the most jaded of men, these women are not interchangeable.

Checklists help us to make sure we are using our heads as well as our hearts to find the right partner, but you're right - if we give them too much credence they will take over and rob the heart of its input in the process.

Here's some inspiration for you.

CatoftheBanals · 2022-03-02T17:44:48+00:00

Well, there's love and then there's marriage and honestly the two weren't meant to always be the same. Marriage is a social unit for creating a family and people who think you're able to sustain that new relationship energy for 40 years are delusional. People who think burning desire is the only thing that matters for a marriage are also delusional. You should marry someone you desire, but there's just a lot more to it than that if you're going to be raising kids and tackling life as a unit.

Also, Romeo and Juliet spent literally one night together and by the time they reached 40 I bet Juliet would've gritted her teeth every time he picked his nose and Romeo would've been stuffing a pillow over his ear to muffle her snoring.

scwizard · 2022-03-02T18:39:49+00:00

Love is when you're willing to sacrifice for someone else deapite their imperfections.

There's no love without sacrifice. If your SO has never sacrificed anything for your sake they don't really love you I think.

That's where the FDS and the TRP folks get all sexist. Both sorta demanding that they be loved without loving in return. That people sacrifice things for their sake without them having to sacrifice anything.

Mark_Freed · 2022-03-02T16:44:44+00:00

How old are you kid?

ruboyuri · 2022-03-02T16:44:08+00:00

Do you base all your thoughts on what others think ?

tempaccc2022 · 2022-03-02T17:01:03+00:00

probably, but its not worth obsessing over. honeymoon phase is a phase for a reason.

LateralThinker13 · 2022-03-02T20:56:57+00:00

But that burning, romeo and juliet ill die for u type of love, where u love the person for who they are even if they are dirt poor entirely seems made up and im upset about it

That's obsession and/or infatuation. I would not call it love.

So what would I call love, then? When you value another person's well-being as much as your own, and they enrich your existence in unique ways that make you better and stronger and more complete a person. You don't have to be infatuated for that to happen; it can occur in a great marriage as well. I have it in mine (and it's bidirectional).

Ex_Machina_1 · 2022-03-02T16:49:17+00:00

All these different groups have very grim ideas of relationships that in actuality dont reflect reality. They all dont seem to realize in the actual real world most people enter relationships for companionship because its one of the core human desires. As a result, different types of people form relationships with different types of people. Their social laws dont actually work in the way they all like to think of them. I can't tell you how many relationships ive seen that complete go against all these pilled group's ideas of relationships. Seriously, I suggest everyone here to just full stop listening to relationship advice from people on the internet. Youll never get anywhere.

Really, the transactional way in which these groups view relationships is in fact something you might only see among celebrities; sports stars, actors, etc. In a world where theres a lot of money involved some stuff they say can make sense but to reiterate, its mostly a celebrity culture thing. Most people enter into relationships with people close in age, economic status, etc. But the problem is all these pill groups likely spend far too much time on Instagram and based their view on relationships around that whole world. Tbh, its just weird as fuck.

ashpr0ulx · 2022-03-02T17:06:59+00:00

it’s real, but it’s hard to find and often hard to keep.

TilTheWarIsWon · 2022-03-02T17:44:52+00:00

That kind of love only exists between idealistic people with a lot of disposable income. Hard to be idealistic these days with the prevalence of such broken socioeconomic systems and the dark sides of internet. It's more of a dog-eat-dog world now in the dating/mating game

masochisticanalwhore · 2022-03-02T18:28:10+00:00

People on this sub, FDS and TRP are not really good people, by and large. They're just not. Romance novel love maybe a stretch, but that's kinda the point, something fantastical to enjoy. But there's a middle ground.

Orange_Paisley · 2022-03-02T17:00:03+00:00

My parents have been together since 1976 and my mother still lights up like a Christmas tree when my stepdad walks into the room. My husband and I didn't meet until our 40s but I can't imagine my life without him. It's not always been candlelit dinners and walking on rose petals, but it's always been worth it.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-03-02T16:40:03+00:00

That kind of love does exist. But not in the romantic sense. That's familial love. Romantic love only exists to glue two people together long enough for familial love to develop.

S3542U · 2022-03-02T17:11:53+00:00

Love Is real.

It just depends on your definition of love.

Just seek out a like-minded being.

TomorrowsWar · 2022-03-02T17:15:06+00:00

It’s real for people who want it for the right reasons. There are many kinds of love, some love lasts for now, others last forever. If you approach it transactionally, the only love you can develop is one that pays that price.

goneaway2thewind · 2022-03-02T17:16:42+00:00

Love is not a irreversible or infinite attachment, it is the byproduct of aligning interests and mechanisms. When the chemistry is right it can be fostered, but it fades into nothing or worse when certain circumstances come into play.

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-03-02T17:41:28+00:00

Your on the wrong sub fir a question like that.

Yes, love is real, love is amazing (Romeo and Juliet might be extreme version of it though)

No-Needleworker3481 · 2022-03-02T17:53:33+00:00

Now I don't think FDS is bad at all but I have to say I know some low value or no value women who think they deserve a high value man without checking themselves and I think that's something that should be addressed too. Be the high value woman before you look for a high value man. Not trying to shame women at all but if you're out here cheating on your bf or hooking up with a new guy every other night are you really a high value woman? Or... if you're just using men for their money, is that really high value? Do you care at all about the emotional connection with this person?

wtknight · 2022-03-02T18:14:30+00:00

Love is friendship plus sexual attraction. If one sex doesn’t like people of the opposite sex, which describes many people here, then there’s not going to be any love. Thankfully, some people at least like some members of the opposite sex.

scwizard · 2022-03-02T18:37:09+00:00

Being a Christian sorta requires that you believe in love.

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it...” (Ephesians 5:25, KJV)

OkConcentrateNow · 2022-03-02T19:51:54+00:00

It's all ego love. People are living in a very unconscious state and want to seek fulfillment through consumption, other humans are just the means to that end. Which is why you see so much hurt being inflicted on each other.

I have never been in romantic love but I think I know what love is from loving my mom and my cousin (brotherly love), with them I understand the meaning of truly secure attachment.

nadanonenada · 2022-03-02T20:15:30+00:00

There is. A mother to her children and dogs lol

Own-Boat-5374 · 2022-03-02T20:21:36+00:00

Only women and children are loved inherently

Arnold_Incelinator · 2022-03-02T20:35:11+00:00

yes, its just rare. probably less than 1%.

4ktx · 2022-03-02T20:56:32+00:00

Your mixing love and lust

Designer_Ant8543 · 2022-03-02T21:13:14+00:00

Stop focusing on “love” and replace the word with “connection”. FDS and red pill followers appear to be people who have been burned by “love” and are looking for solutions and answers. For their own personal emotional security, they create rigid rules that can be very limiting and reinforce their own negative views on dating, rather than growing and understanding why something didn’t work. It’s not about reflection, it’s a projection. Their thinking can be very black and white, overly complicated and yet too simplistic.

I do not believe in unconditional love and sayings like “love will always prevail”. I value my connections and experiences with people. That’s what love is to me.

ZealousidealAd7191 · 2022-03-02T22:24:57+00:00

Love as most people define it is quite illusory

DeliciousPussyNectar · 2022-03-02T23:17:37+00:00

Every relationship in your life is literally a transaction. Even “love”.

KikiYuyu · 2022-03-02T23:38:21+00:00

Love is definitely real, you can see it as activity in the brain. Some people think that makes love boring and not special, but your brain doesn't do that for just anybody. It's special that there are only a select number of people who will ever make you have those feelings.

There are lots of different people of both sexes, some cynical and some not. And you have to also note that a lot of people here talk a big game about how much they understand about how men and women operate, but that's just a bunch of hot air from people who don't want to get hurt/taken advantage of.

freespirit1963TJ · 2022-03-03T01:07:03+00:00

One thing that I know is a widespread fact. The social media age had created an environment with a lot more self centered people. Many of the issues that you eluded to are driven by selfish people.

Superfluous_Toast · 2022-03-03T02:16:13+00:00

Love is definitely real.

I don't love my SO for what he provides, he isn't the only one working to pay for our lifestyle.

I fell in love with him when he was words on a screen, a voice over a phone. I left a perfectly comfortable single life in a state much more friendly to my politics and lifestyle to be with him.

I still get butterflies when he laughs, I still smile when I hear him singing in the shower, I still want to jump his bones when I get a good look at him.

If love doesn't exist, I would love to know what that feeling welling up in my chest is when I hear him speak. I might need to go to the doctor.

StarchRunner · 2022-03-03T16:21:02+00:00

That husband/wife could be replaced by another individual who ticks the checklists

Congrats, you realized we’re a biological species subject to evolution and the need to propagate ourselves…

Not a mass of storybook soulmates that need to find each other.

If you weren’t around, your husband/wife would found another. Or another. Or another.

gimpgirl555 · 2022-03-02T16:56:49+00:00

Shitt after reading all these posts on here, all the ideologies like red pill FDS etc im wondering if love is even real.

Nope. All relationships are transactional. "Love" is a meme for people who can't buy what they want.

afkawayrn · 2022-03-02T16:55:28+00:00

I feel like atleast speaking for guys, the love is most real the fewer relationships you have. Like the love I had my first relationship I don’t think I could ever experience again. It’s just a diminishing effect after every relationship.

But I would call that a extremely naive, and Disney version of love that is toxic. Guys need to experience a lot to learn how to even handle women so it’s a horrible thing for a guy to stay with who he lost his virginity to.

Later on in life you form a different kind of love with partners. Where it’s as some say is transactional. But that’s still a beautiful love it’s just different.

Look up the 3 different words for love in Greek, might separate some of it for you.

baresquad · 2022-03-02T17:07:15+00:00

Yes. Existing in real life outside of red pill and fds is normal

heyitsjeapeagain · 2022-03-02T16:46:43+00:00

Probably not but it doesn’t need to be.

goatismycopilot · 2022-03-02T16:52:05+00:00

Do you mean romantic love? No. That kind of love is temporary.

Fishyinthemiddle · 2022-03-02T18:27:56+00:00

My parents are in their 60s and still love each other. My dad made less money and I don't have any memory of my mom less than 30 years old. Their love was not built on money or youth.

Whisper · 2022-03-08T08:26:55+00:00

Wrong question.

The question is not whether love is real, but how many totally different phenomena get lumped together under the name "love".

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anonymousredder · 2022-03-02T17:25:19+00:00

What is love? Baby don't hurt me..

Paliant · 2022-03-02T17:25:33+00:00

Honest answer? It’s a real feeling, not a real concept. The entire process is just a means to an end not only to reproduce but have the best offspring you can. The only “love” that is technically real is unconditional love.

voidednoid · 2022-03-02T17:54:40+00:00

gofigure62 · 2022-03-02T18:46:07+00:00

Love is real. Love has stipulations. Most people probably don't love in a way that if fullfilling or healthy for you specifically. Romantic love also isn't the only love that exists and is available.

It's better to focus on the specific people and attachments in your personal life.

Remember people gravitate to these spaces because they're dysfunctional and drawn to dysfunctional relationships. They go to FDS and Pills because they're incapable of finding or nagivating healthy relationships. Either they're habitually getting taken advantage of, or other people are habitually leaving them because they're not great people.

It's perfectly fine to be weary of users, abusers, and flakes. It's also great to have a general idead of your non-negotiables and inflexibilities. But these people vilify every for not being compatible with them or what they want in a partner. Instead of just finding someone who is the right fit for them specifically.

Audio_v · 2022-03-02T18:49:14+00:00

Yes it does, but ain't nothing perfect about it. Growing pains

stare_at_the_sun · 2022-03-02T18:50:44+00:00

There is different kinds of course and I do not think any are necessarily felt by everybody. It seems easier to not be let down not believing

-CuriousPanda- · 2022-03-02T19:01:49+00:00

Yes, I think many people feel disillusioned when they learn that feeling they label “love” is a chemical cocktail with an expiration date. But I think we’d raise healthier adults if we taught them this reality sooner and helped them prevent fallout when things end. There’s always exceptions to this rule though, and some people can feel in love for a long long time, but we shouldn’t teach people to expect they’re in this minority of cases.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-03-02T19:02:50+00:00

Please don't base anything on FDS or TRP these are just really damaged people. They are not a reflection of people in general.

logiauser · 2022-03-02T19:06:55+00:00

Love is a choice. The romance that you see in media is not real. I think men love women in the same way women love their kids. I don't expect to be loved (permanently) by any woman tbh.

Snoo_16536 · 2022-03-02T19:28:21+00:00

Stop choking on that blue pill. It’s time to awaken and take the Red Pill.

lavishrabbit6009 · 2022-03-02T19:32:27+00:00

Look at history and you'll see that marriage and family had almost nothing to do with compatibility and "finding your soulmate". It was done for pragmatic reasons, to repopulate and nurture the young to continue the legacy, and for families to unify their skillsets and maximize their benefits.

Literature and film made romanticized the idea of havimg a partner, shaped them into being the full package: a lover, a best friend, a partner, everything. It stimulates the feelings and creates idealized preferences that are not conducive with how relationships really work.

LotBuilder · 2022-03-02T19:33:07+00:00

Love is a feeling, it is very real in that moment. Being able to sustain those moments for a long period of time is a different story

sarkington · 2022-03-02T19:40:16+00:00

“Love”, as in you’re both maximally attracted more or less equally on sight and like each other’s personalities a lot? That’s rare but not impossible

Most of us manage a lesser version of that

Iron-Giant1999 · 2022-03-02T19:56:41+00:00

There is no love, only temporary horniness

Complete-Temporary-6 · 2022-03-02T20:00:15+00:00

Love is people confusing high levels of attraction. Actual love between a man and a woman isn't possible. I don't know if women can love each other, homosexual men probably have the highest chance of such.

gothfrootloop · 2022-03-02T20:18:18+00:00

To have that type of love, you need to have intimacy, passion, and commitment. Reason why it’s so rare is because most relationships lack one or more of those qualities. Wife doesn’t put out or husband struggles to show affection, there goes intimacy. Either one of them stops, or simply doesn’t, work on themselves or their surroundings to be the best they can be for the other; welp there goes passion. And in a relationship without intimacy or passion, how can you expect someone to realistically commit to a lesser love? Of course the relationship is transactional at that point. Although some people due to their own traumas and issues still struggle with commitment even in a relationship with passion and intimacy.

BlockedAgainIGuess · 2022-03-02T20:37:42+00:00

Love is real but the people who talk about that stuff don’t understand it very well

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-03-02T20:55:54+00:00

Of course love is real, people love their parents, their children , their relatives their friends, which brings me to what I always say a relationship at its best is basically just two really good friends who like fucking each other, of course you can love that person, now the act of being overly emotionally IN LOVE is a little different and you have to be careful with that but it's still a beautiful feeling

Lateralanouncer · 2022-03-02T21:57:56+00:00

Definitely. Why do you think alpha widows exist? As the sexual marketplace has changed, men need to manage love or what trp call it oneitis.

squeamish · 2022-03-02T22:24:40+00:00

It's important to remember that Reddit, especially subs dedicated to relationship problems, don't come remotely close to reflecting the reality of most of the world. What you read here and FDS reflects the experience of a tiny, tiny minority of the population and likely has nothing to do with what you will experience in real life.

Guitar-Master9891 · 2022-03-02T22:42:27+00:00

I believe there is a good chunk of people out there you would be absolutely compatible with to the point you don't need anybody else, ever.

The point is there is an awful chunk of people out there you are not compatible with, and probably your half orange is too bussy getting gangbanged by some bananas and cucumbers right now to make time to go on dates with you.

So all in all, love is real, but it's really damn hard to find.

ManGoneNoWay · 2022-03-02T22:56:56+00:00

Why care about that burning love? That love on first sight shit. It's just a bunch of hormones. Real love takes time and effort. It is an active choice. It's people caring for their sick spouse, it's people working hard to provide for their family, it's people going to every length for their disabled child. Countless people do that shit every day all over the world so take heart knowing that love is very much real.

slut-forager · 2022-03-03T01:15:00+00:00

I'd say love is real. I do think a lot of people are more materialistic and don't focus on the more important things like similar values, hobbies, etc. Like my husband and I aren't a traditional couple at all, so I'd say our relationship is far from transactional and I feel so lucky that I found him

redback-spider · 2022-03-03T01:36:05+00:00

You could argue that the same is true for frinedships, or what is with the dog if he gets depressed only sleeps around tries to bite you if you want to pet him etc... your love to him is also "transactional" the difefrence is how much calculation is behind the transaction.

And loving a women for her beauty what is the problem with that, her beauty is a big part of her, you love her. While when a women loves a guy for his money the money is no part of the guy.

Now she can loose her looks, but that doesn't automatically mean that you don't love her, but everytnig has some conditions, if you are no necro-lover the person must be alive that is also a condition.

(it's not like >40 year old women are not wanted partners for sex) they can even have easily one night stands, so even without a history of young years in the memory people can apreciate them. Heck if I would been together with somebody like Jill Stein that I don't know her exact age but is pretty old, I would if I get it up still fuck her. Sure she is in good shape.

Again no relationship is completely off any conditions. If your friend starts murdering people you will probably not keep the friendship up.

stonetortise · 2022-03-03T02:08:13+00:00

men love women for their youth, beauty and submissive women love men for their ability to provide

Either your first half is wrong or I screwed up even bigger than I thought.

Love's real! It's the emotional gloss we put on our farm animal-type needs. Burden of sapience, amirite?

totally___bear · 2022-03-03T02:14:48+00:00

romeo was yt chad 6 pack n probs NT

ButtsPie · 2022-03-03T02:24:29+00:00

The dating pool is full of people from both sides of the spectrum and anywhere in-between: there are those who see relationships as mostly (or at least greatly) transactional, and those who don't.

So there are definitely potential partners who share your view! It's just a matter of meeting enough of them to find someone you really click with.

I can attest that my own relationship is full of love, trust, and unconditional support. It's like being best friends but with a lot more commitment, much deeper feelings, and a strong mental+physical attraction.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-03-03T02:40:40+00:00

Well.. you can love someone even if they're dirt poor. The poor do pair up occasionally. That's romance too, is it not? Or is that just... squalid?

Romantic love is a sort of psychosis, but that doesn't mean it's bad. And: the poets would say that our everyday mindsets are the psychosis, and love is the lifting of that veil of unhappy delusion. That happiness and joy should be the natural state of things. This is why Plato wanted to exile the poets.

And to call romantic love psychosis isn't to say that it isn't real or worthwhile. For example; my parents love me. But that love was tainted a little with bitterness and unhappiness and hardship growing up. There were failures and traumas. And I had a good childhood. They fed, clothed, and housed me. Many people have worse. We love each other out of gratitude, I think. A familial love, that is real and enduring.

But my first girlfriend loved me for something else entirely. She had no obligation to do so. She loved me for me, or what she thought I was, anyway. Romantic love. That love ran its course, but the experience was still valuable. We still are grateful for it (at least I am), even though we only see each other once a year on one of our birthdays.

Willow-girl · 2022-03-03T02:41:29+00:00

I have good news for you ...

bkballa34 · 2022-03-03T02:47:26+00:00

IMO, Love is real in two ways: as an emotion and as a verb. However, love only helps ease the friction that exists in relationships, because partnerships are antithetical to our natural instinct of self-preservation, which leads to a tendency to be selfish. Also, most partnerships are transactional. There is always a reason to partner with someone. Most people don't partner solely for the other person's benefit. We all want something from our partnerships.

Both versions of love help partners move past disagreements, arguments, and resentments that build walls in relationships. But often times, people treat love like a constant forever state and it's not. Couples have to constantly pour love into their relationship and often times they stop because it takes effort and intention. People tend to want their relationships to run on autopilot once they commit to one another and when they stop investing in their relationship, all that is left is friction and the relationship will eventually end up as a series of daily transactions or will end all together.

phantomdilletante · 2022-03-03T03:21:34+00:00

That’s because love is a fiction, which doesn’t mean it isn’t “real,” but it’s definitely not the same kind of real as physics or diseases of the body. Instead, love is manufactured, both by individuals and society, like books and films, and so the kind of love it becomes depends on how it is created and maintained. Right now, in society, we’ve created love to be a holistic, all-encompassing, ever-enduring feeling of physical and emotional, sexual and romantic attraction between two individuals which is coded as requiring life-long commitment and freely given and consistent/constant access to exchanges of specific goods/services, and a lot of relationships/situations just don’t or can’t live up to that. It’s kinda sad once you realize that there’s no guaranteed “the one” for every man and woman out there, and that such much of connecting that deeply to other human beings involves things beyond your control and emotions, but that’s just kind of how it is, and there’s not much any person or groups of people can really do about it.

So, as a human you options are: 1) keep up expectations, dreams, and delusions that only serve to hurt you due to their clash with reality because that clash would be more devastating that keeping yourself wrapped snuggly in lies. Or 2) let go of all the things you’ve kept all these years that only have served to hurt you, embrace change, and learn to make expectations and dreams you can actually live for, one’s that can at least make things bearable. In the end, when it comes to the ridiculous, unfair nature of the world, that’s all you can do.

DaphneDK42 · 2022-03-03T03:58:21+00:00

Down let the haters get to you. Love is real. ♥️♥️♥️ Love is the only real thing, everything else is fake and gay.

silveryspoons · 2022-03-03T04:05:22+00:00

Love is real. It's not transactional. And the burning never goes away.

bokan · 2022-03-03T04:39:59+00:00

This is an unanswerable question. Each person may not ever find the real deal, and there’s no way to know if what you have found is the real deal.

moonsunrisinggg · 2022-03-03T05:03:44+00:00

And this is why fantasy is better than reality. We get sold dreams of fictional love. I want to be loved for who I am too. It’s just not possible. It never was

MissPolymath · 2022-03-03T06:33:45+00:00

I think you are committing a fallacy thinking that just because something is transactional it can't be true love at the same time. Or that I am not being loved for who I am. Also screwed up ideas about love being merely esoteric and not expressed in tangible things like looks, money, or behavior.

Think about it. What is love? Love is finding some value trait within or tied to and representing another person and being inspired by that trait to honor and give to it. Women needing resources and men needing sex are just TANGIBLE expressions of value. And loving the other person by giving resources or sex is also just a form of honoring the other person's value in tangible form as well.

I dont know where in our culture we got this idea that the only way love is true love is if its something merely inborn and conceptual quality (just personality, quirkiness, etc.) and not tied to any physicality whatsoever. I think it's because people don't like knowing that physical expressions of value (behavior, looks, money, etc.) are things oftentimes outside of our control. Our egos don't like thinking we are not in control of our destiny or we may not feel enough or accepted in our relationships. We are afraid they are nore easily taken away and long for committedness and permanence when connecting with others.

A car accident happens and it damages our face; husband maybe leaves. We lose the business we built because of economic decline; wife leaves. I dont know how to cook a meal for a man when he comes home and is tired. He resents me. I maybe resent a guy for not buying me items for Valentine's Day.

Also what "things" men need from me can be a part of who I am. I have a sexy body that is a physical representation of who I am in the relationship dynamic. If a guy loves me for it, then he is truly loving me. So him loving my body for its own sake is loving me because my body represents me and my feminine role. And I also give my body to him as a way of valuing him. He can love me for who I am by loving my body just as much as loving me in spite of it for some other trait he loves within me even if I'm dirt poor or not as hot. Same, again, principle applies to behavior and money.

Another thought, relationships and value exchange by nature can only exist if we are connected through dependence. When we are inspired to give value to another person, we are meeting a need for them they have to depend upon us for. So of course if you can't give it they can't have a relationship with you. It's transactional (not quite, but we'll use the term) but it's not exactly bargaining. It's actually dependence and desire-based at the same time.

You don't give to get, you give and meet the need of the other person because they inspire you. This so happens to meet their needs and they feel inspired to value you further and give back and further engage in this dynamic of valuing and dependence.

Consider it this way. Why do you as a parent love any kids born from you? Why don't you love any random Joe on the street with the same type of love you have for your kid? Because Joe wasn't born from you. The condition to love someone with the type of parental love you have for a child is that they have to have your genes. It's an instinctual condition, but that condition isn't exactly transactional. The same principle applies to having a type of love for your parents, friends, and especially your romantic relationships.

There are different reasons why we engage in these different dynamics with various people. All relationships require certain criteria and needs to be fulfilled to even allow their types of connection to exist. That's why it's seen as transactional, but as above with my example, we still view parent-child relationships as desire-based and full of true love at the same time. So it follows the same can be applied to everything else.

ex_red_black_piller · 2022-03-03T07:06:41+00:00

Love is for good looking people.

HappyDiscoverer · 2022-03-03T07:33:59+00:00

It is, i can assure you

Pastelitomaracucho · 2022-03-03T07:36:03+00:00

Get off reddit and go meet people outside

Specialist_Orange946 · 2022-03-03T07:38:09+00:00

In my experience Romeo and Juliet is about lust and infatuation which does happen at the start of relationships to different degrees. True love happens after that—it’s feeling like this other person is both their own person, and also a part of you! You genuinely want them to be happy and enjoy making each other happy. You take care of each other and support their goals. You will disagree, sometimes on important stuff, and you find ways to accept your differences. John Gottman has done fantastic work on why some relationships work, worth a read!

Z0mbs · 2022-03-03T07:58:28+00:00

I was talking about this the other day. If love Is real, and you are suppose to find "the One", how come 50% of the marriages fail? Are we really sure we can realistically find "the One" in between 7 bollion people on Earth? You are not gonna meet them all, you are gonna meet someone you find yourself well with, BUT what if "the One" Is still out there waiting for you? Or what Is "the One" Is already taken? I don't think love, as in the Classic romantic way, exists. You Just find someone you are comfortable enough to spend your time with (and have sex).

miminothing · 2022-03-03T08:01:35+00:00

Love is real! It just becomes impossible to find if you believe all this TRP bullshit.

Beltadowa · 2022-03-03T09:13:04+00:00

Time for a break from PPD for you! These people and views don't reflect normal humanity.

krischens · 2022-03-03T11:04:54+00:00

It is, but I think with time that kind of burning type of love gets replaced with a different love - one where you just need and enjoy having the other person around you.

But in a way it is somewhat conditional after all - I wouldn't stay together with my partner if her life choices were majorly conflicting with mine. Say, she started doing drugs or spending money recklessly etc., I don't think I would want to be together with that person anymore. I think it's only rational to have some limits to your love.

Clearhill · 2022-03-03T11:37:31+00:00

I think the fact that these ideologies don't account for human connection, bonding, or the meaning inherent within relationship is primarily what is wrong with them. They miss out a huge part of why people want to be together - the biggest part, in fact. We are social animals who live to bond - with friends, family, partners. By reducing sexual relationships to this transactional model, all that information about people is just discarded and ignored, so you end up with an incomplete, poorly fit model of what relationships are and why people want them.

Ironically, failure to understand this will contribute to relationship failures - people are unlikely to be giving a partner the validation they need from the relationship if they do not even acknowledge that this is the primary purpose of one. The tendency to treat relationships as transactional - while normalized in these ideologies - isn't that normal, with an association to both narcissistic disorders and psychopathy.

Obviously this won't be a popular view here :)

EatingVowels · 2022-03-03T12:28:28+00:00

I’ve said it a million times before and I’ll say it again; true love died when social media was born.

Back in the day, when your mom and dad met each other, you actually had to put in some work to get a date. You met at work or the local pub, talked a little bit, maybe danced, and if there was chemistry you exchanged phone numbers and met again the week after.

Today love has been reduced to an app on your phone that you have running 24/7 in your pocket. You upload the best photos of yourself, write a catchy bio and swipe like a maniac in hopes of catching someones attention. You’re not searching for anyone in particular, you’re just throwing out a net and hope someone swims into it. You match with a couple of girls and goes on a few dates, but you still keep your Tinder app running because you’re still open to something newer or shinier. The person you’re dating is fine with this, because she’s doing the same.

Love today isn’t love - it’s about finding someone who wants to buy what you’re selling. It’s more like a business transaction.

Crushed_95 · 2022-03-03T13:42:19+00:00

Simple answer? Nope. Only love your dog and material things and you'll be happy in life!

H3l3l6758 · 2022-03-03T21:42:54+00:00

Love is an obsession which can turn harmful and into a mental illness if not kept in check.

protagonist-007 · 2022-03-04T12:41:11+00:00

Not real for ugly people. I don't really care for love anyway

Annual_Werewolf_5448 · 2022-03-04T18:44:39+00:00

Oh come on mate, don’t give up! Love like that does exist it just normally fades away

Whogivesafcuk26 · 2022-03-05T01:39:50+00:00

That kind of love is unattainable for most mortals. Everyday realities stop them attaining it. Most people (women) and men too do not have that kind creative imagination to conjure up such amazing romantic things without referring to cliche mainstream ideals. Also men are the true romantics. Women are just recipients of those gestures. This is actually well known for anyone who has done higher studies of History through literature and taken deconstruction/literature criticism. Lit students who specialize in the romance genre know this stuff very well. That's what makes women read romantic literature. You were cultured to read some high brow novels on romance written by romanticist authors or even just dime store romance novels. Romeo and Juliet is like the entry level novella for character study in romance. More romantic and simp-y literature followed throughout the Renaissance era and the subsequent baroque and romanticist era. In that era artists and wealthy nobility elevated women to a higher position due to "enlightenment" which has stayed that way until recently they got both equality and stay on the pedestal.

In short you'll never find it. It's an imagination thing. Notice how people say when you say "you're mad about someone and they're in your head a lot and you say you would run into a bullet to save them" that you're infatuated and imagining things as if it's a bad thing? The thing is for two people to feel this way about each other is rare. Rarer than rare earth metals. People are not as cultured and imaginative to feel such things. Instead you have to careful because you can be taken advantage of and left high and dry by the other person. Men can usually feel this way about women because it's the mainstream practice to pedestalize women. It's has a historical basis for it. It's normalized. Usually such men are called simps and white knights.

kvakerok · 2022-03-05T05:29:08+00:00

Transactionality is a result of thinking that dating is a zero-sum game.

Love does exist. It starts with a spark that flares up into burning passion. At this point the two people learn about each other on a much deeper level which either extinguishes the feelings or the couple is able to maintain a steady flame for each other.

myboneschoosehanging · 2022-03-10T10:45:05+00:00

“Love” in the way it’s been portrayed for the past century or so? No. As Thomas Aquinas put it: amare est velle alicui bonum (to love is to will the good of another). That’s true love IMO anyway… and a better lens through which to view relationships at any point in time.

Intrepid_Place5390 · 2022-03-02T18:50:57+00:00

Love is attraction to your partner

Compatibility, you have many of the same goals in life, deal with life in same way

respect, honesty, compassion and generally care about the person

You want the person to be part of your life, not your life, part of it.

A person who can communicate needs/wants with you and vice/versa

A person who has boundaries and observes your boundaries, that's part of respect.

Love is not a guarantee, it should not be taken for granted, it needs to be cultivated.

People can change over the years and so can their treatment of you.

Often, you can still love someone, but sometimes love is not enough.

Midnightchickover · 2022-03-02T18:51:41+00:00

Thats not ‘love’ to me. That husband/wife could be replaced by another individual who ticks the checklists, but thats not LOVE as in loving them as a person.

I guess I can only speak for myself, not other people. Though, I know for me, I'm probably what you call somewhat of classical romantic type. That's probably a big reason why I am pan-/queer-/demi- with the mantra of "love has no boundaries." Especially, if it is honored and worked for, as well understood and mutual.

I hate TRP/RP/incel/FDS/hypergamy/hookup-pickup artists cultures with an absolute passion. They are bringing a very toxic mindset into the world in places that it doesn't not need to exist in. Alot of people don't like to look in the mirror or make concerted efforts to change, themselves. Or accomplish things with out getting other people involved. I really feel that this movement is more about "...People are as objects." You are focusing more on the things that an object can do, than what a person is.

Also, one thing they never account for is that their desires will go much further than their preferences. Your desires can lead you in anywhere for better or worse, while a preference is minute quality of someone that could change over time.

IcarusKiki · 2022-03-02T21:49:23+00:00

Would you “love” a fat and ugly woman? Love exists, and its magical, but that doesnt mean its random or nonsensical. And no, for most people their SO cant be replaced with a checklist.

Yokowi · 2022-03-02T21:59:17+00:00

Well,go cry about it,i guess? Or go out and touch some grass,either is fine by me :D

Title	Is Love even fckin real?
Author	watdisonmyarm
Upvotes	72
Comments	277
Date	March 2, 2022 4:36 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/t542rv/is_love_even_fckin_real/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-love-even-fckin-real.1104477 https://theredarchive.com/post/1104477

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