Ladies - What percentage of the bills would you expect your man to pay if you lived together?

YaKnowEstacado · 2023-04-27T17:00:47+00:00

When we were living together before we got married, my husband and I split bills proportionate to income. We did this at times when I outearned him and at times when he outearned me.

Now that we're married, all our money goes into a shared account so there's no "splitting."

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-04-27T18:04:53+00:00

Depends on what lifestyle he wants. If he wants to split it 50/50, that’s fine but we will need to live within MY means. If he wants a nicer place and more expensive stuff, he’ll need to pick up the slack.

ChadChasingB · 2023-04-27T17:21:07+00:00

50/50 and live within the lower partners financial means.

corycorycory09 · 2023-04-27T17:56:41+00:00

50/50, budget set by the lower earner.

sublimemongrel · 2023-04-27T18:56:54+00:00

We are married everything goes into one joint account. I make more than him. Prior to marriage and joining finances he paid more because he made 3x what I did. I think it’s fair to be proportional otherwise it’s bound to cause some resentment

wtknight · 2023-04-27T16:58:43+00:00

If I’m living with someone then I’m likely married and we are pooling the money so it doesn’t matter who pays what and we make decisions together about what other things we spend that money on.

Accomplished_Hyena_6 · 2023-04-27T16:37:06+00:00

Honestly, as a woman, I think I should be 50/50 still.

I don’t see a problem here at all. I had a similar arrangement with a past partner. He made much more than me but we would go out on weekends and get dinner and drinks, he always picked up the tab. (There was a time where I got a nice bonus and wanted to splurge and I insisted on picking up the tab but we literally wrestled for the check) Little things like that. As far as rent and utilities were involved we split it 50/50. We weren’t big spenders but we took trips and we still split everything 50/50.

When you look at it from a different perspective, in the case of a woman making more and her partner less, then it would be the same. I wouldn’t want to pay more just because I made more. This is a partnerships/relationship and both parties should be expected to contribute.

When there’s kids involved, then yes, things change but in this scenario, no.

Edit: Grammar

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-04-27T16:38:47+00:00

I make more than he does, so I pay more. I will pay the rent and the monthly bills when I get my check. He will usually buy groceries and gas and other stuff we need because he gets paid tips in addition to his pay checks so he usually has cash.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2023-04-27T18:18:53+00:00

I would expect us to share finances so it’s all our money

neverjumpthegate · 2023-04-27T16:51:11+00:00

So depends on if you are joining your finances or not.

Not joining finances then joint bills should be at a percentage split base on what they make.

Example: if it's 60k to 100k then household bills should be split 38% to 62%

If you plan to have joint finances then you should make up a budget and decide an equal allowance for the both of you.

RepresentativeMark16 · 2023-04-27T18:23:03+00:00

I think rent split proportional to income makes sense, utilities and groceries are 50/50. Higher earner takes the lead on paying for more expensive dates, especially if they want to go out to fancy dinners, concerts, etc.

anon018274031 · 2023-04-27T18:31:42+00:00

50/50 if similar incomes and both people can do so comfortably.

Proportional to income if - someone earns so little that 50/50 impacts their quality of life - if they are renting somewhere more expensive then where the lower earner would live because the higher earner wanted to live there - there is a drastic income difference

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-04-27T20:41:54+00:00

I think the person who makes more money should pay proportionally higher when it comes to shared living expenses unless the lower income person insists on 50/50. This goes for men or women who make more. And by more it basically has to be 20 grand or more per year. Any less than that and it should be 50/50

Barneysparky · 2023-04-27T17:41:25+00:00

I don't know what our mortgage or utility costs are, my husband takes care of all the financial stuff. The home and it's maintenance are pretty much entirely taken care of by me, banking is his thing.

Before we retired for the first time in over a decade he invested my entire income and we lived off of his income.

It works for us, however, I'm a naturally frugal person and I have complete and utter trust in him. I doubt he'd have this arrangement with a woman who enjoyed spending, I certainly wouldn't with someone I thought there would be a possibility of divorce with.

Laniekea · 2023-04-27T18:36:22+00:00

It depends on who takes what responsibilities.

I also think that isn't so much about the cost but about how much time you spend working. My husband is an engineer with a masters degree, he makes double what I could potentially make working full-time in my field. I find that it's unreasonable when I see posts about women who don't have a degree and work pretty average jobs being expected to contribute equally to a household when he has a degree and income like my husband, especially because that household is usually not within her budget. I have a degree, but it does not have the earning potential of his.

I do all the cooking, all this house cleaning, all the grocery shopping, and half the yard work. I work part-time and he currently brings in about four times what I make. If something happened and he lost his job, then I would probably work overtime (since my job is very flexible and I can work as many hours as I feel like) to cover the bills, and he would take on all of the household duties.

There was a time when he supported me entirely while I was building my business. When he was in college and I had graduated I covered the lion's share of the bills.

If we have kids, then I probably will barely work at all until they are teenagers.

Novadina · 2023-04-27T19:19:35+00:00

I make more, so I pay more, it’s all really “our money” for in the end for us so naturally a larger percentage of it is coming from my higher paying job. Otherwise if we kept it separate and paid 50/50, we’d only be able to live on what he could afford half of, and the whole reason I make money is to live the way I want to, there’s not something different I want to spend my money on, but can’t because I’m stuck paying his bills or something… we have the same bills (mostly the mortgage), I want to spend it on our quality of living and that’s what I’m doing.

I don’t expect him to make up for the fact I have a higher paying job, really, we are a team and we each contribute how we are able to. If he works less hours (including commuting if that’s needed), then he does more tasks around the house, but it’s based more on time available than how much money he earns. There’s been times I was working from home and he wasn’t, and probably worked less hours too, so I did more chores even though I earned more, just because I had more time available to do them.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2023-04-27T16:49:13+00:00

50/50 seems reasonable, and if they other party can't cover it then they should at least make themselves useful to the household.

I don't understand why people squabble or make this shit complicated.

For the majority of our marriage I've earned significantly more than my husband, I've paid for almost everything but he contributed by being useful to the household. Now he's earning more so he's contributing more financially and I've taken on more household tasks.

HobbitShaker88 · 2023-04-27T17:24:14+00:00

When I lived with my now husband before marriage, we were in that situation. I made 60k, he made around 90k, both full time. He paid a little more than 50%, Im not sure how much, maybe 60 or 70%? but since he tended to work longer hours I did more housework and pretty much all of the cooking. Thats pretty normal...VERY few good paying jobs dont involve longer hours.

My husband and I agree its the amount of hours someone works, not their pay, that determines chore division. I am glad we agree on that because I could never marry someone who doesnt think this way...considering I work in a field I like but its overeducated, underpaid and I'm constantly being told I dont do enough even when I work to the point of burnout and have to lie about the hours I work sometimes (working overtime without pay).

One of my exes who was an engineer and would spend weeks doing nothing inbetween his government projects at work...he had the mindset of splitting things 50/50 based on pay (not just bills but everything) and things were not based on hours. His job was nowhere near as hard as mine (he even admitted it) and it was a dealbreaker.

Loud_Definition6669 · 2023-04-27T18:31:52+00:00

My husband and I each get $1000 in spending money per month and the rest goes to joint savings and expenses. This is the case regardless of who makes more

lady_ven0m · 2023-04-27T18:54:49+00:00

I did the 50/50 scenario in my marriage and I honestly wouldn’t do it again. I think it should be split with a fair percentage based on income. 60/40 in your scenario.

FringedPillow · 2023-04-27T21:20:09+00:00

Percentages based on income. I won't do 50/50 again with that big of income discrepancy. I don't really want to live with a man again so it would have to be enticing. 50 50 might as well get a good roommate. Then you get your own room and the chores are split equally.

2023-04-27T22:30:58+00:00

If we are not married then of course it will be 50/50 with completely separate finances. Once we get married all money goes in a joint account and all bills will be our bills.

MistyMaisel · 2023-04-28T04:34:46+00:00

I'd assume we'd negotiate it ahead of time, but before children, I don't see why we wouldn't both work and just pool our money together and our expenses together and be wise with it together. Thus, there's no percentage. We're both addressing everything together. Note, I'm assuming marriage. I wouldn't move in with a dude otherwise.

But hypothetically speaking, yeah, I'd have problems going 50/50. For several reasons. 1. I can live happily with my parents for near free beyond gas, groceries, helping out with repairs, helping with child and elder care, and being appreciated any time I give them my tax returns or throw money at problems. And, I like my family and everything I do for them can never be lost from a break up. So going 50/50 with some dude on less space and more tedious efforts is me downgrading my life financially speaking to barely meet expectations. 2. If a man earning more asks me for 50/50, he's telling me that he wants us to both operate as independent selfish individuals who happen to cohabitate. We'll cook only for ourselves, clean only for ourselves, arrange social events for ourselves, laundry only for ourselves, shop only for ourselves, and so forth. I'm sure he'll have plenty more money than me, but I can near guarantee that he wastes more money and isn't going to eat nearly as good as I do. And he'll waste way more time shopping and almost never have social plans comparatively. But, he will have money, so that's what is important here, right? He can keep his money, and I will cook only for myself. That way, neither of us can be accused of being generous with our resources or gifts. Thank God.

pearllovespink · 2023-04-27T16:47:01+00:00

A 70/30 split is ideal for me. I have written at least a dozen post on why 50/50 marriages are not ideal. If you want a struggle marriage, go 50/50. It’s not a fun life.

pearllovespink · 2023-04-27T19:00:57+00:00

I’ll say this because a lot of the younger people in here aren’t thinking long term. A 50/50 marriage with children is NOT ideal.

Your little shared one bedroom is “cute” but it will not survive a marriage with children involved. You’ll find out later.

RadicalQueenBee · 2023-04-27T19:01:12+00:00

For 50/50, all budgets have to be set by the person earning less. Otherwise spending should be proportionate to each partner's wages.

gofigure62 · 2023-04-27T17:27:44+00:00

Depends.

I would never go 50/50 on a shared living space with someone who earned more than me. I'd rather live alone and have my own space exactly how I wanted. Also I'd be able to live within my own means and organize my finances according to my needs.

If we were just shacking up with no real plans of the future, I'd expect him to pay most if not all of the bills if he made significantly more than me.

"Special" things that I'd do would depend on the following

It would depend on the dynamic of the relationship of what I'd do if he was paying more.
It would also depend on how many hours I worked. If I worked 40+ hours a week, there's nothing "special" that I'd be doing outside of standard healthy relationship practices.
it would also depend on whether or not his financial contributions actually improved the economic quality of my life. If a guy was trying to drag me into a lifestyle that I couldn't afford and was whining that I couldn't afford to go 50/50 on his living standards, I wouldn't be grateful or appreciative at all. If he was significantly improving the financial status of my own life and allowing me to increase my saving or be more financially liberal with investments and self improvement, I'd be more appreciative.
It also depends on if he showed any appreciation, love, affection, or adoration for me at all. If a man was just throwing money at me and wants to be worshiped by that alone, I wouldn't be attracted to that. There would have to be some indication or representation of a healthy and functional relationship. It couldn't be a purely transactional set up.

Most of the men that I've seriously dated made significantly more than me and outside of gifts, I never contributed anything financially. They didn't want me to.

Particular_Trade6308 · 2023-04-27T18:01:18+00:00

Either PPD has a statistically significant difference in the preferences of female users, or all the women here are lying/virtue-signaling.

Pew research has data on this and across all age groups, marriages where men earn more are the majority. And I’m going to assume the men spend more in these marriages. Maybe that assumption is wrong.

However in this thread, 90% of women plan to earn 50/50 and spend 50/50.

Again, either PPD has a massive significant difference from the general pop or the virtue signaling is off the charts.

rootsnyder · 2023-04-27T17:24:57+00:00

Ppd should ban certain threads like this, where we all know women are going to lie. I mean the written response doesn't really matter if we completely understand the recipients are going to lie and give an arbitrary number that is only true our of practice.

plumtastic · 2023-04-27T17:19:00+00:00

50/50 regardless of income. Any time I've leaned on a man for financial support he has been resentful and used it in arguments, and on my end my self esteem would go down even accounting for being treated worse. I've also been treated like shit and have had rumours spread about me that I'm a gold digger even while I was pulling my own weight (and just barely scraping by because my income has always been barely enough). I'm very lucky I'm in a country that provides financial support for mothers of young children otherwise I'd be screwed. I mean I'm kind of screwed anyway because my 30s have basically been a write off in terms of career and ability to get into the property market, but children are worth it. Leaning on a man on the other hand is not, hard 50/50 split.

Lookingforlove1997 · 2023-04-27T18:39:38+00:00

That depends on whether we’re living within the 60k budget or the 100k budget. If it’s the 60k budget then it should be 50/50. If it’s the 100k budget at his insistence he can pay the difference for wanting the extras. The ideal solution though would be to live apart and stay within your own budgets in your separate living situations with separate bills.

AutoModerator · 2023-04-27T16:29:15+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Zestyclose_Truth9999 · 2023-04-27T16:46:52+00:00

What percentage of the bills would you expect your man to pay if you lived together?

If we're talking about rent and utilities and stuff like that, then 50/50. As, in this scenario, we've both got jobs, it's only fair that we share expenses if we live together.

If, however, he expects me to do the bulk of the cleaning and cooking, then I'd expect him to pay anywhere from 65% to 80% of the bills.

KayRay1994 · 2023-04-27T17:12:38+00:00

I’m a man, but my partner could be any gender so i’ll answer with both in mind - it would depend. ie. if splitting 50/50 means i get to save a bit and my partner has barely anything left after his/her half of the rent, food, necessities, etc - then its a bad deal, but if i’m going 75/25 or something and we’re both able to be financially flexible (even if i’m a little less so) then honestly that’s better for everyone.

Ultimately I think it depends on things like which of us is making more money, what kind of lifestyle do we want/are willing to split at, etc etc

literaryhogwartian · 2023-04-27T17:18:01+00:00

We paid, before marriage, in accordance to our earnings.

_corpus_callosum · 2023-04-27T17:20:11+00:00

It’s unlikely that he would make more than I do, but either way, I don’t share finances. I’m responsible for myself, not for a grown man. Same for him.

Supposing he makes an average salary, I make much more than that. So he shouldn’t be forced to contribute to my more expensive lifestyle. That’s for me to pay for, not him. Likewise, his endeavors are paid with his money.

MarBitt · 2023-04-27T17:21:12+00:00

If we gradually move into marriage mode, the ideal for me is to combine the income, pay everything necessary from it, put a little aside in a joint account for unexpected expenses and divide the remaining 50/50 into private accounts so that everyone can handle some money freely.

Another good option for the initial stages of living together is if we calculate how much we need for joint household expenses and we both allocate the same percentage of our income. So, for example, we both give 50% of the income, so in this case she 30K and I 50K = 80K together. I will be left with 50K on a private account and she will have 30K left.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-04-27T17:21:56+00:00

This used to be me and my then bf, we both paid 50/50 on bills and rent, but after a few months it was clear that I was buying the bulk of the food since I also did most of the cooking/cleaning and he worked shifts, turns out he was also saving a lot since I was paying half of everything but I sometimes struggled at the end of the month.

We both realised this wasn’t fair and decided to open a joint back account where we both paid in about 65% of our incomes and that would be used to cover bills, rent and food. The rest was our own money to do with what we wanted and anything left in the joint was used as a treat provided we both topped it up if needed. I still did 90% of the cooking and housework but he had more hours than me and without kids in a small flat it worked out ok.

Soon-to-be-Catlady · 2023-04-27T17:23:43+00:00

Depends a little on life style choices and what's left. Usually 50/50, but if he wants e.g. to rent a more expensive flat than I want to pay for, I might see if we can come to an agreement to distribute costs differently. As long as I am still happy with my leftover money for discretionary spending, I won't be too picky about it though. In most scenarios I would save money living with someone instead of living alone, so unlikely I will ask for a redistribution.

toasterchild · 2023-04-27T17:35:05+00:00

Our current split is i pay the mortgage and groceries. I make 75ish so probably 3500 a month. I also pay 280 for house cleaning.

He makes 110 and pays most utilities, cell phones, health insurance and dining out. I get the equity and he can save extra and have expensive hobbies. He will pay for or take care of yard work.

For vacations I've been paying the hotel while he pays all expenses along the way but this might change now that he earns more, until recently we had similar earnings..

We don't have any shared bank accounts. The house is in my name alone.

chalkandapples · 2023-04-27T17:37:49+00:00

If we're not married, then we live like roommates. If we're married, then all money pools together anyways.

SnooFoxes6034 · 2023-04-27T17:39:29+00:00

I’d expect him to cover more yeah. All the major bills. Because I know If I’m going to be working, I’ll also be home making which I’m excellent at so it wouldn’t actually be 50/50

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-04-27T17:42:41+00:00

I've supported my h for about 15 of the last 20 yrs, before that he gave me money towards bills

Financial_Leave4411 · 2023-04-27T17:44:41+00:00

50/50 unless there is an illness or disability. I would also expect 50/50 house work.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-04-27T17:49:24+00:00

Currently, my husband is paying for rent and bills and we split groceries 50/50. Once I get back to work we'll probably just do a shared expense account for the household and have our separate accounts for ''fun stuff''. Either that or we'll just split rent as well as groceries, we'll see how things go. If we were splitting, if we make more or less the same, we'd do 50/50. If I'm making way more than him, I'd be happy to pay more, if he's making way more than me, he'd be happy to pay more. I wouldn't expect him to compensate for the fact that he's making less if he were to be making less, he wouldn't expect me to compensate for making less either.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-04-27T17:53:18+00:00

We have a formula agreed - add up all his non-gift income and he pays an amount into our joint account proportional to that, same goes for me. (Say I earn £20000 at work and he has £8000 in his student loan and £2000 in part-time work, then he pays a third of expenses. I didn't want to count his loan in it but he insists.) Holds whether I earn more or less than him, holds if either of us earns nothing. We don't need to "make up" for anything in any way other than always keeping to that agreement so it's fair and listening to what the other thinks is fair - for example, as he's not working next year and will be at home more he'll help more with sorting food.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-04-27T18:36:53+00:00

If we're just starting out (like just moved in together) 50/50

If we've been living together for a couple years then I'd say split based on income earned.

I'm the higher earning partner so we split 70/30 (as i earn 70% of the house hold income). I think holding the money I earn over my husband's head wouldn't be love at all.

ashleyrose56 · 2023-04-27T18:39:16+00:00

40k difference is not that big of a difference. In that scenario, I would go 50/50 and he pays for the dates/outings. If the difference was significant, let's say I make 60k and he makes 200k, then I would expect a 20/80 split.

Zombombaby · 2023-04-27T18:43:25+00:00

We split according to income although we largely just share a communal main bank account. My husband makes more (I'm a bit behind due to severe health issues and being the SAHP for 3 years). However, I have a lot more in savings due to winning 2 lawsuits related to the car accidents that caused the severe health issues. In the end, I shared everything with him the same way he shared with me. We discuss any big purchases and make sure we hold each other accountable to our budget.

Iluvalmonds83 · 2023-04-27T18:47:01+00:00

I would say straight up 50/50 presuming we are an unmarried couple without kids and both employed, unless:

-One person is moving into the other’s existing home at thar partner’s behest and its at a disadvantage to them to do so(much farther work/school commute, COL and rent is significantly higher than your previous living situation, etc).

-we both have agreed upon a different arrangement

Edited to add: marriage and children and the salary disparities that come with that obviously would change what realistic expectations look like for who much each partner attributes financially, since you now have to consider the added non-financial duties/responsibilities needed to run the household and family unit.

AngeCruelle · 2023-04-27T19:13:57+00:00

I can't imagine marrying a man who makes that much more than me. I aspire to make enough money so that my partner isn't forced to work.

I'd prefer that my partner stay at home and only work if he truly loves it or just really really wants to contribute. In the latter case I would just accept whatever he wants to contribute.

1stevercody · 2023-04-27T19:16:20+00:00

I think it makes most sense to split it equally based on income. My wife and I always took certain bills and they usually came out even. Like I pay rent, internet, electric, she'd pay insurance, groceries, etc.

not0my0real0account7 · 2023-04-27T19:23:43+00:00

Ideally, 50%. I would never marry someone that earns much more than me because he may have different life standards that I may not be able to afford. On the other hand, I would fully support him if he was unable to work and wouldn't earn anything.

Trouvette · 2023-04-27T19:25:15+00:00

I expect to pay proportional to earnings and lifestyle expectations. I earn more and have higher lifestyle expectations, so I expect to pay more of the bills for it. He also has student loans to repay while I was funded for college and grad school, so to me it is more important that he pay them off. When student loan payments kick back in, I would honestly be fine with paying 80% of the bills.

TarantulaWhisperer · 2023-04-27T19:32:32+00:00

50/50 or depending the rent/mortgage... one pay that and the other cover everything else. Just depends but should be 50/50

LoopyPro · 2023-04-27T19:34:55+00:00

50% of the costs should be the only answer if people truly care about equality. Regardless of income difference, both should contribute an equal amount (NOT percentage) to the pot. If one person earns more than the other, it means that that person gets to keep more to themselves. Equal portions/percentages of both respective incomes means that one person pays more, and therefore contributes more, which is not equal.

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-04-27T19:40:39+00:00

% based on income. Nothing needs to be done to make up for one party paying more due to income.

Unless net income is the exact same, 50/50 isn't equitable.

relish5k · 2023-04-27T19:47:19+00:00

After living together for a few years my (now) husband and I just put all of our money into a communal pot. I actually wanted to to an 80/20 split (so I would have 20% of my income for "just me" fun stuff), but he wanted it all to go together. So these conversations never really happened.

I used to bring in more than him, now he brings in more than me. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. If one of us wants to make a big purchase for individual use (like a guys trip, or fancy new boots), we just run it by the other person first for their blessing.

Mandy_M87 · 2023-04-27T20:01:23+00:00

50/50, except for my property taxes, as I own my condo, I'd pay it myself most likely.

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2023-04-27T20:05:24+00:00

Considering I outright own my home and I'm not moving out for anybody, if he wants to live with ME, he can pay a portion of the bills proportional to his income. That's the arrangement I have with my current partner and we both think it's fair.

ItWasBrokenAlready · 2023-04-27T20:16:12+00:00

Halfsies unless he requests we live beyond my means. If I have a set budget for apartment expenses the way I lived before meeting him, I will not endanger my saving plans or go bancrupt because he wants to rent a penthouse. We can either live for 2x poorer persons budget and split equally, or go higher standard but then the richer pays the difference.

I was never living on a budget that was close to poverty level, and never dated a richer man, so hypothetical.

Sekina7 · 2023-04-27T20:25:45+00:00

Ladies, DO NOT live with men.

nemma88 · 2023-04-27T20:26:49+00:00

We split around 45/55 for bills, some stuff 50/50, some other things 40/60ish. It's all ish.

I don't mind much.

Sekina7 · 2023-04-27T20:27:01+00:00

50/50 is a roommate situation, why not live with your female friends instead ,?

totallyworkinghere · 2023-04-27T20:47:28+00:00

We each put about 75% into a joint account and have 25% for fun money. We make different amounts but this way we're contributing an equitable amount to bills. The extra in the joint account is savings for a house or emergency funds.

eefr · 2023-04-27T21:21:23+00:00

My current partner and I have shared finances.

I lived with a different partner a number of years ago whose finances were not shared with me. We split the rent 50/50, but I paid all utilities and a larger portion of other expenses because I made more money than he did. I generally paid for discretionary things like going out for dinner as well.

I think it makes sense for the higher-earning partner to pay more, but people can arrange their finances however they like.

The idea that on top of that you would have to "make up for" the fact that the higher-earning partner is paying more is pretty gross. I certainly didn't expect that of my former partner when I earned more than he did. You decide how you're going to split things and that's that. You don't get a dollop of guilt-tripping on top of your financial decisions.

Katatonicsnake · 2023-04-27T21:42:06+00:00

I have never had any expectations. I would have been fine paying for myself and some extra, but my husband doesn’t like that, so he pays 90%

anonymous-platypus1 · 2023-04-27T22:30:52+00:00

Im not living with a man that im not engaged to. (Not officially at least) but at the engagement, if he wants to budget we aren’t going 50/50 unless we make exactly the same. Otherwise we split equitably, with the partner that wants extra (if ideals don’t align) paying for the extras.

Once married I don’t care. I’ll have a joint account where 80% of my money goes and all of that is free use. The 30% I’ll put away, most likely for college or something for kids.

We will split utilities 50/50 though. If needed.

Alternatively, My bf and I have talked about me moving in (and my hesitation to do so). He said he’d pay for everything (essentials) if I used the bulk of my money to pay off my loans. But I’d keep some aside for spending and such.

Oli_love90 · 2023-04-27T23:02:57+00:00

50/50.

But even if he’s making more then we’d still have to stick to a 60k lifestyle otherwise I’d be struggling.

AnyIntroduction3288 · 2023-04-28T00:45:32+00:00

There is a girl on TikTok who is famous with the user name “SeptOctNov” who is a “Stay at home fiancé”.

When I see her life, I say “who wouldn’t want this life”. The only thing I don’t like is that she is pregnant and not married yet. She travels, has a Benz (formerly a Porsche), and gets to live a lavish life with very little stress that benefits her, her baby, and her fiancé.

I also see Michelle Diaz, your French BFF, traditionalSAHM, and other users that seem so HAPPY and loved.

Why wouldn’t I want this? I want their lives. I want their luxury, comfort, happy privileged kids, happy husband, happy sex life, etc etc etc.

So in my dream life, the husband is the one supporting and paying for everything. We are happy, safe, comfortable, and living well.

neetykeeno · 2023-04-28T01:13:09+00:00

I have had two major cohabiting relationships.

The first one all of both our pays went into a joint account from which our mortgage payments were taken and he was the one who did the chore of paying bills from that account. This was before internet bill paying was really a thing, and he had the job location and hours that a regular visit to the post office worked better with.

The second one...he owned a newly purchased house before we met so we just sort of agreed at the start that he was paying utilities bills, house insurance, house improvement costs etc and I was paying groceries and buying household stuff (I basically furnished his house for him from careful thrift store shopping) and my own expenses and saving to buy my own place. Then I bought my own apartment and moved out...we paid our own bills. Then we decided to have a kid and move back in together...I had much more income than him at that point so I organised a large portion of my wages to go to his account so he could just keep up his usual routine of paying the now larger bills. I also organised private health coverage and life insurance to come from my account. Then I became disabled and had an income reduction and we talked then stopped the transfer from my wages.... I kept paying health coverage and insurance and the other household shopping expenses and some bills (clothes for all, school costs, things like kitchen equipment and garden costs, picking up small amounts of groceries) but he took on the cost of major grocery shopping events.

I think most people who have the 50/50 concept would just be shit to be in a relationship with. Because that's not how a household or a relationship works. Like I'm buying 50 percent of the food and he eats three times what I do. He's paying 50 percent of the clothing costs but I buy 3 times as much clothing as him. There's just always some level of granularity at which the situation is not going to feel either fair or 50/50. The thing that fixes the feeling of unfairness isn't simple maths it is communication and consensus about what we are doing and about how much we both have to suffer to do it and what is most important.

Justwannaread3 · 2023-04-28T01:45:01+00:00

I’m a woman about to move in with my boyfriend. I expect a split of expenses proportionate to income and a split of chores proportionate to who has more time in any given week.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2023-04-28T02:34:42+00:00

And for the men, would you expect your woman to pay 50/50 on the bills if you were both working full time with no children, even if you were making 100k to her 60k?

She needs to contribute equally, so yes. I also don't date women who aren't financially compatible, so that avoids a lot of issues.

WillyDonDilly69 · 2023-04-28T03:05:18+00:00

I mean if the income is not thay disproportionate it should be 50/50. If the income is disproportionate between de partners it should be an equal percentage if they pay something based on how much they earn out of the total money both have.

VividlyDissociating · 2023-04-28T03:54:23+00:00

i expect 50/50 because our bills would still exist and be the same even if we didn't live together. bills arent charges based on your wages.

however, when we were discussing finances while getting ready to buy a house, my bf offered to pay more than 50% of the bills after we buy a house, since i make much less than him and the bills were going to leave me with a lil over 200$ for groceries and savings each month..

we havent changed the ratio yet because im waiting until he pays off some of his debt. id rather him pay that off as fast as possible

The_Important_Stuff · 2023-04-28T04:23:54+00:00

My wife makes 2x as me. We contribute the same. The 50/50 everyone is saying. So I live paycheck to paycheck while she hoards her extra income.

Is this fair?

Lyvicious · 2023-04-28T08:18:39+00:00

We live together and do 50/50 because we have similar enough incomes. We've discussed that if that changed, we'd consider splitting proportionally, and if one of us lost their income, the other would cover for them. It's not exactly an expectation though; I'd say we are lucky enough to have similar mindsets -- when the topic comes up, each of us always says "If that happens I could live off my savings for a while, I'd pay my half" and the other says "Nah I'd cover you."

We do joke that if that happens the one who lost their job would pick up more of the shopping, cleaning and cooking. And plant watering. And maybe finally adopting a cat.

thelajestic · 2023-04-28T10:33:51+00:00

We split our bills 50/50 because we earn roughly the same. If we had a very big disparity in income then I think we'd split proportionally according to income, but it depends - if we were on a combined income of 160k we'd be rolling in it so don't need to budget as such. And we could probably do something like have all the bills/mortgage come out of one person's salary and then combine everything left over and split it up into things like home improvements, holidays, personal spending.

I don't think either of us would be doing anything differently to "make up for" one paying more - in this scenario we both work full time. Chores etc should be split according to free time and not by financial contribution.

thetruthishere_ · 2023-04-28T13:00:13+00:00

50/50 on my earnings.

My last long term we lived together, he paid rent(util inc) and I bought food, toiletries, pet food, buy him work socks(he always needed some), etc, etc. It about evened out. It worked for us.

Perfect_Promise_943 · 2023-04-28T13:32:08+00:00

Man here. If I am making enough to for the family, I would not want a single dime from my wife. That is her money. If she wants to spend it on trips for us, gifts, etc, cool. But it’s hers. My money is our money but her money is her money. Now if somehow I was not able to make means end.. then i would hope she would jump in and help.

But ideally she would not be working and she would live off my income.

Sophiatab · 2023-04-28T14:52:41+00:00

I would never live with a man I wasn't married to unless he was my father or brother.

Title	Ladies - What percentage of the bills would you expect your man to pay if you lived together?
Author	Witty-Masterpiece642
Upvotes	8
Comments	275
Date	April 27, 2023 4:29 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/130ufs1/ladies_what_percentage_of_the_bills_would_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/ladies-what-percentage-of-the-bills-would-you.1217057 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217057

Comments