Q4All: What's the biggest lie you were told about the opposite gender that you discovered was not true as you got older?

Zabadoodude · 2023-09-28T00:04:34+00:00

That women only have kinky or rough sex for the man's sake. The percentage of women that want to be hit or choked in bed was surprising to me.

obviousredflag · 2023-09-28T06:16:06+00:00

In German, "same" and "equal" is the same word. Growing up i was told men and women are the same/equal. It took me a while to figure out we are equal but definitely not the same. One of the greatest revelations for me, regarding the sexes, was that i absolutely cannot use my male perspective and apply it to women, and women can't apply theirs to men. Yet that is what the overwhelming majority of people are doing, because they don't believe it's different or never had a lengthy discussion with the opposite sex, or understand it but still cannot act differently than from within their own perspective.

This leads to, among many many other things, awful dating profiles, bad compliments, ghosting, unfulfilled sex.

BoomTheBear86 · 2023-09-28T06:57:58+00:00

Tongue in cheek, but that “women are better communicators”.

My experience has led to me disagree with this. Women are more versatile communicators I’d say but it doesn’t necessarily translate to better communication.

There’s a lot of reliance on intuition, “mind-reading”, subliminals and “knowing what I mean” instead of direct communication.

One of the primary tenants of good communication is “knowing what your audience needs to hear your message” and shaping your communication around that. I’ve found a lot of women do not do this. They deploy all manner of communication methods irrespective of how well their target works with them and inherently assume a lot of the time that whoever they’re talking to communicates in a way that is identical to them.

Men largely bypass this problem by accident because we tend to be literal communicators, which is essentially “entry level” communication and most people can work with it. This said I’ve experienced issues with some women “over interpreting what I’m saying” because they’re not used to such literal communication. If I say “the salmon is fine” I mean exactly that. I don’t mean “I don’t want the salmon I want something else but I will eat the salmon if I have to” for example. A lot of women interpret the structure “X is fine” to mean X is not really acceptable but will be tolerated if needed.

To be clear; I’m not saying men are better communicators either. I’m just saying the general phrase “women are better communicators than men” is a lie in my opinion.

testamentfan67 · 2023-09-28T09:16:52+00:00

That women want a yes man. “Happy wife, happy life” they said. It turns out being assertive gets you more pussy.

evapevaeva · 2023-09-28T09:45:21+00:00

That being kind, "submissive", nurturing and accepting will win a mans love and respect.

Or that being there for them even when they are at their worst and loving them unconditionally will have them realize that you're their rock and make them treat you better or respect you more

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-09-27T23:47:57+00:00

The first line from Pride and Prejudice: “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”

That shit isn't true at all. Lol

Trazyn_of_Infinity · 2023-09-28T00:48:11+00:00

That women will chase after bald men.

Okay, well, maybe some edge cases will, but typically, those bald men can sport great facial hair and, in general, look good because of it.

My dating life improved 10x after I just decided to put money down on a hair system. Good hair did so much for my physical attractiveness. The difference in the way I was treated was night and day.

My point is: most women will regard bald men as uglier than their full-hair counterparts, and if you want to maximize how physically attractive you are beyond “go to the gym” and taking care of your teeth and acne, getting a hair system is mandatory if you’re losing your hair or have already lost it.

tonyghow · 2023-09-28T00:19:24+00:00

That women care more about intelligence over looks.

Fatassoldman · 2023-09-28T02:31:34+00:00

That women want you to just be a polite gentleman and then you will find a wife

Aussielefty · 2023-09-28T00:24:47+00:00

That women are sugar, spice and everything nice. Most women are the compete opposite. I’ve seen and heard nasty, vile and hateful shit from women.

LogicalLetterhead272 · 2023-09-28T00:45:17+00:00

That women like shy/nerdy/goofy guys. Countless shows and movies have the awkward male main character meet a woman and she finds his awkwardness endearing. And my mom and aunts told me that women like that too.

Nope, in real life it is a turn off to 99.9% of women.

Training-Banana-5017 · 2023-09-28T00:14:06+00:00

Honestly as scary as it is, the whole " women are wonderful" effect of all women being these sweet beings who can't do any wrong. As a kid who grow up in a predominatley female-staffed public education syste,m this message was so easily instilled into all of us. It always felt like the boys got much harder punishments then the girls who would do the same thing. Any problem between a girl and boy = girls side. It was like this until I got to highschool when I saw that girls can be shitty just like guys can.

princedune · 2023-09-28T14:45:52+00:00

That they care about personality more than looks. Turns out it barely matters at all.

Earth-lover93 · 2023-09-28T03:16:18+00:00

They do care about D size 😢

NonTakenNameThatIUse · 2023-09-28T07:01:51+00:00

Women like it when men open up.

Women are more loyal than men.

Women care about personality more than looks (I'm still being gaslit about this by friends).

There's probably more but these are just off the top of my head.

Dry_Statistician_761 · 2023-09-28T03:22:21+00:00

That men just want respect and giving it to them, putting them on a pedestal, will magically make them behave like the good men they are. That men’s behavior is dependent at all times on how women are treating them. Yes, I was gaslighted since the day I was born.

SianOiseau · 2023-09-28T00:11:12+00:00

You shouldn't make more than your man/be more educated/show that you know more than he does or can do something better than he can
Men are providers
Men can't be trusted with cooking/cleaning/childcare
Women's sole goal and purpose is to get married and have kids
Abortion isn't an option
Women have sex for men's sake and sex isn't enjoyable for them
Men are less emotional/men are more rational
Men are more responsible
Men can't be victims of sexual violence or domestic abuse
"If he hits you, he loves you"

These were some common stereotypes in culture I was growing up, but my mother doesn't share them so I didn't acquire them either.

Most_Read_1330 · 2023-09-28T07:58:46+00:00

That women want someone nice

No-Calligrapher-3630 · 2023-09-28T12:26:23+00:00

All men want is sex, and when they have sex they are detached, and any hole is a goal. They are basically sluts who will have sex with anything.

It took years to realise that it was a massive lie. Men want to feel loved too YGM.

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2023-09-27T23:49:57+00:00

That women are special little snowflakes and so long as you're a good man, women will be good to you. Obviously that was a lie

Ohmaygahh · 2023-09-28T14:19:38+00:00

Women only have sex with a man if she's in love with him.

L-O-L.

Ass___Master___69 · 2023-09-28T11:21:34+00:00

That women like nerdy guys.

Nope, turns out when they say they want a nerdy gamer boyfriend, they actually mean Henry Cavill

stats135 · 2023-09-27T23:50:38+00:00

That women are somehow "oppressed" in the 21st century.

Time-Algae7393 · 2023-09-28T02:04:34+00:00

- If you are very pretty, men will love you and will have great luck in marriage.

- Your financial standing doesn't matter as a woman since the man will take care of $.

- Men are not emotional, and mentally strong.

throwaway164_3 · 2023-09-28T03:44:08+00:00

That men and women are very similar in their wants, desires and behaviors.

vanilla_xoxo · 2023-09-28T03:27:18+00:00

That men aren’t in touch with their emotions and are supposed to act masculine.

Met a guy that looks like the definition of masculine, but he was a lot more sensitive and emotional than I was about many topics. Maybe it’s because his T-levels are low though, since he’s a bit older. Or maybe I just dated guys that fit my preconceptions of what a masculine man is, and he just didn’t match my expectations. Either way. It was an extremely weird experience, never happened before.

Kogikashaikunin · 2023-09-28T11:00:22+00:00

Just because they date you doesn't mean they find you attractive.

synaps-bro · 2023-09-28T02:53:11+00:00

That women are romantic and cares about paternal certainty as much as men do

Excellent_Badger123 · 2023-09-28T07:18:32+00:00

Be a pretty virginal princess until you get married.

mumblebumblegrumble · 2023-09-28T04:23:13+00:00

Men are simple, all you have to do is cook, clean, have sex often & be submissive and they will be good to you, give you the world even.

AceOfSpadesGymBro · 2023-09-28T10:15:06+00:00

That a woman's ears are for hearing. I thought they were handles to hold on to while she's blowing me.

Marylandthrowaway91 · 2023-09-28T02:51:04+00:00

Everything Disney said but particularly jasmines trope

“I just want to find someone to love only for the person they are”

You’ll never get that as a man

Kizka · 2023-09-28T07:38:54+00:00

That men are always horny and will always be in the mood for sex. I guess this could be true for sex-starved redditors, but guys who have access to regular sex, can have phases in which they're not interested in sex at all, even longer phases, just as women.

Rach1943 · 2023-09-28T10:27:01+00:00

Being a polite gentleman is attractive. I envision the m’lady fedora meme and realize how utterly repulsive that is now. I definitely don’t think it’s attractive, I don’t even think it’s neutral. I actually think it’s literally makes a women as dry as the Sahara.

Icy-Sprinkles-638 · 2023-09-28T15:14:44+00:00

That they don't care about looks and care far more about personality. It's 100% total bullshit and I honestly hold a grudge against society at large for pushing something so contradictory to reality.

basedmama21 · 2023-09-28T17:15:52+00:00

Truth came from my father: men value women who stay fit, have domestic skills, and are agreeable

Lie (which I never fell for) came from college and my mom: men care about your degree and will like you no matter what you do

MisterToothpaster · 2023-09-28T20:13:38+00:00

Women act crazy when they're on their period. I never once met a woman who did. The absolute worst that happened was that my then-partner was a bit quiet and not very cheerful on a date once. That was the absolute worst ever.

Cat_Lover259 · 2023-09-28T00:29:41+00:00

Men are not horny 24/7.

grillopie · 2023-09-28T03:08:42+00:00

The g spot and vaginal orgasms.

Not EXACTLY a lie but definitely horribly misleading.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-09-28T10:29:43+00:00

That men are more logical and less emotional.

That if you are pretty, sweet, and virginal someday your prince will come and sweep you off your feet.

Men are simple.

Men are always horny.

Rich men don’t care about their wives’ income/social status.

(From my mom specifically) A Christian man will treat you better than one who isn’t religious.

Safinated · 2023-09-28T00:10:19+00:00

“Men just want sympathy/empathy/compassion”

Nope. They want sex or acceptance of their bitterness and misogyny, both online and irl

januaryphilosopher · 2023-09-28T05:57:28+00:00

You don't need to do much and men will just come.

thetruthishere_ · 2023-09-28T01:15:18+00:00

Nothing.

Ive know reality since I was a young teen.

My parents and life 'pilled' me.

Were really lied to if you didnt go to school? Specially high school/college. Was everyone you went to school with all sweet and perfect?

MarBitt · 2023-09-28T07:39:21+00:00

Fortunately, my mother was always honest with me about this, so even though society around me told me these lies, mentioned in the comments around here, I knew from my mother that many women were just as tough, capable, dangerous and dirty as men.

She didn't put herself or other women on a pedestal, she taught me to treat everyone as an equal. She never taught me nonsense like a man never hits a woman, instead she taught me to fight back. I am very grateful to her for that.

Willow-girl · 2023-09-28T11:52:14+00:00

If you want a baby, just go off your birth control and get pregnant. Even if your husband doesn't seem too wild about the idea, he will love it once it's born.

YveisGrey · 2023-09-28T13:44:23+00:00

That men care more about chastity than looks. “Men won’t wife you if you are a ho.” Complete utter lie based on the first lie that men do marriage as a “favor” to women. If we accept that men actually are the main beneficiaries of marriage it all makes sense why they routinely marry attractive women with bad reputations. I believe some even pride themselves in “taming” a ho. The bottom line is a wife is akin to a possession to a man he wants the shiniest hottest toy, and the only reason he would be weary of a ho is because she might leave him otherwise he really wouldn’t care. Men love being married they rarely want it to end.

Notice how women rarely site potential for divorce as a reason to avoid marriage they literally don’t care. Usually when women don’t want to marry it’s because they want independence and don’t want to be overworked or controlled by a man.

I think the myth of men being “commitment phobes” is the biggest myth and has led to subsequent m myths like “men won’t marry hos”. Men will marry any woman they find desirable who they think won’t leave them or can’t leave them.

Barely-moral · 2023-09-28T00:50:19+00:00

Equality.

notmyrealnamepapi · 2023-09-28T08:33:24+00:00

That men are less emotional.

lvoncreek · 2023-09-28T09:42:16+00:00

There are lots of comments here saying that the biggest lie was that women are sweet angels who can do bo wrong. Who said that and why would anyone believe it? I thought it was quite obvious that women are no saints either, they are just as diverse humans as men, some will be vile as fuck, of course. How is this not obvious?

YveisGrey · 2023-09-28T12:48:16+00:00

That men gate keep relationships and that marriage is some massive favor they do for women. This one is still going strong. But now that women have become more independent and pretty much opt out (delaying marriage, staying single, initiating divorces) we see the truth which is that the whole concept of marriage primarily serves men’s interest (to have exclusive access to a woman) and that to get women on board they gave them resources (and made it harder for them to get those resources independently).

Ultimately there are benefits to marriage and LTRs to both sexes but I feel like growing up society really made it sound like men were doing us a favor like we weren’t the literal prize, now that women have actually left men alone in droves they won’t stop bitching and moaning about it.

AutoModerator · 2023-09-27T23:27:42+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

carljungs · 2023-09-28T04:57:58+00:00

All revolving around love and all that entails it. Short lived lie.

Hosj_Karp · 2023-09-28T08:34:23+00:00

When I was younger, I was surprised by all the ways women differed from men. These days, I find myself surprised by all the ways women turn out to be the same as men.

full_stack_maxx · 2023-09-28T19:41:27+00:00

thay they don't care about looks/height

Trouvette · 2023-09-29T02:09:06+00:00

If he talks to you/wants to spend time with you, he must like you.

I hate that my mother and all my friends said that to me. It was wrong every time. That only applies when you are a skinny and/or conventionally attractive girl. When you are a fat girl, you are the emotional outlet they aren’t getting when they aren’t in a relationship. It took losing 150 pounds, 7+ years of therapy, and dating outside of my social circle to learn that was a lie.

Title	Q4All: What's the biggest lie you were told about the opposite gender that you discovered was not true as you got older?
Author	BeautifulThoughtes
Upvotes	32
Comments	294
Date	September 27, 2023 11:27 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16tzrg7/q4all_whats_the_biggest_lie_you_were_told_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-whats-the-biggest-lie-you-were-told-about.1233255 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233255

Comments