Why does it seem that Single Dads are viewed as 'somewhat' attractive by the average woman, while Single Mom's are viewed as 'somewhat' unattractive by the average man?

NJFlowerchild · 2024-08-04T13:34:13+00:00

I married a single dad. I did not and would not consider dating or marry a baby daddy. A man that can raise his child alone, in a healthy happy home, is attractive. A man that has child is not. A man that takes cares of his children is attractive. A man that has a child is not. A man that is invested in the happiness of his child is attractive. A man that has a child is not. Having children, being a single dad, and being a good single parent aren't the same.

Jazzlike_Function788 · 2024-08-04T13:35:35+00:00

All the provided answers are true. But, I'm going to be the negative Nancy and point out that single dads don't have a reputation of dating with the express purpose of finding someone to financially support them and their children.

There are single mothers who wouldn't look twice at certain men if they didn't have children to feed and because it is well understood that money is something women value highly in their choice of mate, it's easy for the association between "single mom" and "gold digger" to stick. Nobody wants to be made an ATM.

You say women find single dads "somewhat attractive", but as with all things with women, you're talking about the attractive ones. The single dads who aren't struggling financially are attractive, nobody wants to go near a broke one for the exact same reason, women don't want to financially support someone else's kid either.

DreaminInChocolate · 2024-08-04T13:17:23+00:00

OP, please define single dad for this conversation.

A) Is it a man that has primary custody of his child or is possibly raising it alone

B) He fathered a kid and isn't with the mother

These men are not viewed the same.

jay10033 · 2024-08-04T13:39:21+00:00

It's simple - resources tend to flow in one direction. Typically, single fathers are not seeking additional resources to raise their child, so resources will be "shared" with whoever comes into his life. This is the common understanding of the "typical" single father. On the other hand, a single mother is viewed as a resource extractor for her and her offspring by another man. This is typically referred to as "playing another man's saved game" or the general expectation of "you must take care of me and my kids". The general entitlement is the source of your split.

PiastriPs3 · 2024-08-04T14:45:35+00:00

It's depends on the age range. Women under 30 might not actually like a single dad as a partner and may see his duties to his kids as potential obstacles to having a fun young relationship. Women over 30 do change and may prefer more of the stability and proof of parental investment that a single father demonstrates. You won't be seeing too many young childless women who are into young dads unless he's Chad. Children get in the way of the average young woman's lifestyle expectations

Werevulvi · 2024-08-04T15:17:27+00:00

I've generally gotten a negative impression of moms in general throughout my life. Not my own mom, ironically, but female friends with kids have often been insufferable. Like as soon as they get kids, that becomes literally their entire world and good luck talking about anything other than the kid. Like it seems really common that when women have kids, they lose their entire personality to being moms. This has not been my experience with dads. Sure, they often get focused on the kid and being a dad for a few months maybe, but largely they continue to be able to focus on other things in life too. My male friends who became dads continued to be fun friends.

I think that's why I wouldn't mind dating a single dad, but I have full understanding why most men wouldn't wanna date a single mom. Fyi I'm in my mid 30's and don't have kids. I would maybe want kids, but not sure if I'm capable of handling full parenting responsibility. So I have honestly thought that dating a single dad could be my solution to that.

Fabulous_HonestTea · 2024-08-04T13:23:34+00:00

Looks threshold still applies.

Physically attractive single father: Responsible, caring, nurturing.

Physically unattractive single father: Parasitic opportunist just looking for a free babysitter/bangmaid.

thedarkracer · 2024-08-04T13:40:54+00:00

Mate copying.

Females engage in this. So seeing a male with a kid means another woman has approved of him.

Males don't engage in this but rather the biological instinct of raising someone else's offspring doesn't sit well with them.

gigrabbit · 2024-08-04T14:05:58+00:00

One thing that also need to be pointed out is that even if a man is involved in a child’s life or not ; the stigma of men being sexually irresponsible or active is nowhere near as high as a woman doing the same thing.

Notice the women here asking if the man is involved or not? With men ; it usually doesn’t matter and it’s a dealbreaker either way.

ListPlenty6014 · 2024-08-04T14:23:01+00:00

It’s much easier for a woman to be sexually successful than a man. Single moms usually are looking for financial help from men. Single dads don’t require as much from women. That’s why women find single dads less unappealing than men find single moms. But no kids is usually preferred over both.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2024-08-04T13:50:30+00:00

Women are attracted to signifiers of paternal investment in men. Maternal investment is viewed as a given.

DreaminInChocolate · 2024-08-04T13:08:16+00:00

Most single dads have their kids every other weekend and maybe a night through the week. The child isn't nearly as big of a factor in their dating life. The fact that he fathered a kid isn't seen as attractive.

My_House_on_Mars · 2024-08-04T13:45:09+00:00

when you say single dad you mean a guy with sole custody? They are probably seen as great by society because it's very rare that the dad keeps and raises his kids on his own. But they probably have a hard time dating.

Usually when people say "I'd date a single guy" it means "I'd date a guy who has his kids over once every 2 weeks". While dating a single mom means having to deal with the kids in the house all the time.

MistyMaisel · 2024-08-04T14:04:18+00:00

I dunno what crack you're smoking.

I wouldn't date a single dad. Gross. I don't care if he's attractive and a good dad. He's got a baby with someone else. I'm not interested in the step mommy gig or being the side piece to his family drama. There's a reason they aren't together, but either way is not a good omen for us. Either he's crazy, yikes obv, or she is and I'm gonna have to tolerate her meddling in our life, no thanks.

Very few women I know would date a single dad if they've got no kids. Probably about the same amount as date single mothers. Men may talk more trash on single moms, but they date them seriously all the time.

Women may talk nicer on single dads, but when the tires hit the road, not so much.

obviousredflag · 2024-08-04T14:46:43+00:00

Women value qualities in men with regards to being fathers who care. Because that is not a given and it's important for their mate choice on average. Being mothers who care is basically a given and therefore not so relevant for male mate choice. There is no extra info men get about the partnership quality of women who are single mothers, the way women get it about single dads.

Large_Wishbone4652 · 2024-08-04T13:43:01+00:00

Well, I never saw a video of a single dad saying "if you want to date me, you need to pay babysitter for my kid"

I saw videos of single moms saying it.

Hoopy223 · 2024-08-04T16:50:32+00:00

Single dads (full timers) get waaaaaaaaaay less action than single moms. Unless you mean Baby Daddies who are literally deadbeats, then they get tons of action lol.

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2024-08-04T19:55:37+00:00

In my experience, all the single moms I know are never really “single.” I see them with a different man every time they post updates on FB. If anything, it seems like they get more action than the single childless women I know. So I don’t buy it for one second that single moms are considered unattractive. These women have kids yet they still get more attention than single men. Oh and a lot of them are overweight.

KGmagic52 · 2024-08-04T14:12:04+00:00

On average, single dads don't act as entitled as single moms.

Unable_Evidence_4028 · 2024-08-04T15:52:05+00:00

Single fathers have the proof that at least once he was attractive enough to fuck. So women who tend to like guys other women like. Have increased attraction. Single mothers have the proof that at least once she could make a man so mad he left and she had experience with other guys. And has the hurden of a child (while expecting to others to burden themselves with her child. Thus. Men dislike them.

Cicero_Johnson · 2024-08-04T13:56:56+00:00

A single dad has proven his willingness and ability to provide for offspring should she and he have any together, or she has some from a prior hookup.

A single mom, conversely, views and all all single men as a potential wallet to dig deep into to provide for kids that are not his.

Oh, and with a single mom, if you get laid more than one a month you are doing well... sort of.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-08-04T14:29:36+00:00

Single dads are a lot more rare and it's actually considered impressive that a man won't abandon his child. Whereas a woman is expected to stay with her child so this isn't seen as going above and beyond or impressive.

Hard_Corsair · 2024-08-04T16:55:07+00:00

I think you're misunderstanding the underlying reasoning.

A single parent generally demonstrates a certain level of responsibility, but comes with the burden of having a child that must be accounted for. Most women want a responsible man, and they'll put up with a child to get it. Conversely, responsibility is not a key trait that men are looking for, so to them it doesn't justify the drawback of the child.

DamagedByPessimism · 2024-08-04T18:14:08+00:00

None are attractive. Next

DXBrigade · 2024-08-04T19:00:52+00:00

No, women don't find single dads attractive, they are just more tolerant. There is much more social stigma attached to single moms than single dads. Also a woman who wants to have kids might appreciate a guy who already has experience raising kids and has shown to be an attentive father.

Artistic_Bumblebee17 · 2024-08-04T23:41:41+00:00

Mm nah we don’t like single dads either. We can be attracted to them but then not attracted after knowing he has a kid(a)

Stunning-Ad14 · 2024-08-05T00:28:30+00:00

Speaking as a woman, I’ve never been attracted to a man with a child.

SadCahita · 2024-08-05T01:24:53+00:00

Not giving birth and suffering a lot of changes is enough reason

CalypsoRaine · 2024-08-05T02:27:04+00:00

I've met some single dads who were expecting a step mom to their kids and they had nothing else to offer. The ones I've met in the past didn't see their kids or anything else.

I noped so fast. But yea there are some shady dad's out there who will trick you.

gateaucatto · 2024-08-05T04:45:26+00:00

Because men hate women

Sunshine12e · 2024-08-05T08:31:23+00:00

Because many men do not take care of their children, so seeing a man who does, means he is "proven" to be a good father, and that is attractive.

Bewpadewp · 2024-08-04T14:46:23+00:00

The single dad is actively demonstrating his competence and value simply by being a single dad.

Women value men based on their ability to provide.

The single mom is showing she is

used
physically more worn out than women who have never given birth
emotionally preoccupied
unavailable for fun
more likely to spend a man's money than a single woman already is

Men value women based off of their physical appearance and how much peace they can provide. Mothers are typically highly preoccupied, and generally high stress.

On top of this, a woman dating a single father doesnt even have to think about providing for the man's child. She's welcome to, but it is by no means expected.

A man however will be expected to help out, and can even potentially be forced in to paying child support if the relationship doesn't work out, even though it isn't his kid.

TLDR: Single fathers are useful and beneficial to women. Single mothers are stressful, burdensome, and even a risk to men.

guppyhunter7777 · 2024-08-04T14:39:50+00:00

Why is the statement "I don't want to be responsible for someone else offspring" such a difficult concept to grasp?

Just_Another_Cog1 · 2024-08-04T13:54:07+00:00

I'm an average single dad (recently divorced) and I find single moms as attractive as anyone else.

Why does it "seem" otherwise? Probably because people lie about how the world works and other people believe those lies.

Why are people lying and why do others believe the lie? Lots of reasons. We would need to know more about the specific individuals and/groups involved to make an assessment. (Because unlike most of y'all Red Pill folks, we don't make judgements without having access to reliable information.)

Salt_Alternative_86 · 2024-08-04T16:58:15+00:00

Yes, men and women have very different standards in relationships. Women seek peer validation in mates from other women, men seek proof of fidelity and purity. It's just a resulting facet of evolutionary psychology.

A woman who marries a single dad will likely have no problem continuing her genetic legacy and expect to retain custody, while potential fathers end up cucked out of the necessary resources to be a father by picking up brood parasites (technical term, look it up), and can expect to retain no more custody than the last guy.

Single fathers are of proven quality to women's wants for peer approved mates since he both proved other women want him by breeding and proved he'll raise her lineage even without her, while single mothers proved the opposite for men's needs as they are careless in accepting random genetic material, are proven unstable in the nest relationships create, and come with added expenses on finite resources that will be taken away from expanding his own lineage to increase the genetic population of human cuckoo birds.

Men who go after single mothers fall into one of three categories: 1) desperate and insecure, 2) closeted gays living vicariously through cuckoldry, or 3) chomos after her kids

raisedonthemoon · 2024-08-04T13:36:40+00:00

Because some people (not all) deep down see sex as a thing that is demeaning, degrading, and "ruins" women and what more objective proof that you've had sex than a child. Also the chances that a single mom is handling most of the childcare is pretty high, which I think can make some men afraid that they're going to play second fiddle to a woman's kid in the relationship.

I don't think being a single mom is nearly as stigmatized as being a sex worker, though, especially if you're dating at an older age. I would assume people dating at age 40+ expect whoever they date to have at least been married and probably have a kid from a previous relationship.

GridReXX · 2024-08-04T13:06:43+00:00

My guess?

Women see single dads as showcasing that he can think about other’s needs before his own. It shows a lack of self-centeredness. A lack of the typical casual inconsideration people seem to expect of many guys. This is compelling because it signals to her if they raise kids together he will be an involved parent and she won’t be stressed out doing everything alone.
Men see someone who’s been “used” or “fucked” by someone else. Or they see her as always being busy and focused on her child instead of him since she’s probably the primary caretaking parent. A lot of guys also claim to have this visceral aversion to being a step parent for “some other guy’s kid.” Something about “cuck.”

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izzzy12k · 2024-08-04T17:20:14+00:00

There's a piece that's missing here.

The definition of what a single Dad can be and how those variances matter.

Single Dad, a guy who sees his kids regularly.. But doesn't have primary custody or anything near 50/50.
Single Dad, a guy who has roughly 50/50 and the kids are around per much half the time.
Single Dad, a guy who has full custody (or split custody, like myself) and kids live with him full-time.

In my experience, the same way I listed them.. is how I've seen women grade them.. from best to worst, in terms of interest.

The crazy part, is that it seems that deadbeat dads get way more interest from women.

I've been told by a few female friends that it's about availability and attention.. and also if they have children.. The inherent divide that comes right from the start between what could be the new family (if things were to work out) and how their kids will need to adapt to resources being taken away instead of having more.

Like they don't want to share and/or wouldn't want their kids to share either.

GoldPotential6298 · 2024-08-04T17:43:24+00:00

🥹😃 good a u thtjnb

BDaily24 · 2024-08-04T18:50:10+00:00

It depends entirely on the father. If the guy is attractive enough he can get away with it. But it's a check against them for most single women.

Plazmatron44 · 2024-08-04T21:32:35+00:00

Single mothers are more numerous and are more likely to be single as a result of getting knocked up by trash men who bail on them rather than take responsibility as fathers should.

Mentathiel · 2024-08-05T00:00:19+00:00

A lot of men don't do their fair share with children and chores and it's a huge fear for a lot of women that their man is gonna turn out to be like that and that they're going to have 24/7 all burdens placed on them during a very vulnerable and hard period. Seeing a man who can pull it off by himself, even if he has 50-50 custody but especially if he doesn't, can he very hot.

On the other hand, when it comes to single moms, a lot of men are much more concerned with the fact that the burden of providing is traditionally placed upon them, and afraid of being objectified by single mom's who're often in a desperate situation for their wallets.

Fun_Push7168 · 2024-08-06T14:51:40+00:00

They don't. Most women view it as a negative for one reason or another.

Association with the mom, ( couldn't tell you how many joke ," only if the mom died" , thoughts of responsibility to kids that aren't theirs etc etc.

The only difference is that they may respect it or think it's cute at times but when it comes to dating it definitely leans into the negative.

Morrigan2020 · 2024-08-06T18:41:15+00:00

I’m not sure that being a single dads is seen as a true positive, esp given the rising number of women choosing not to have kids. I think most people choosing to be child free would have no interest in a single parent partner, esp if that person is the primary caretaker.

But I do think it is overall seen less negatively than being a single mom. More of a neutral, perhaps. I think there’s probably a variety of factors playing into it.

Men are less likely to be the primary caregiver. It’s easier for someone not interested in being around the kid to consider dating a man with a kid if he has a lot of free time without the kid, for example if the parents have 50/50 custody or he has even less.
For women who do want children, seeing him parent his child gives them some idea of his parenting skills, and possibly assess him as a serious future partner. This may be a good thing, esp if their parenting styles match.
Many women are the primary caregiver for their own children, and accept that a single dad may be more open to returning their affections as well as perhaps having a lifestyle that blends better with their own.

Spiritual-Cupcake259 · 2024-08-06T23:32:31+00:00

I mean these questions are so broad and subjective. I know guys that prefer dating single Mothers, they like the idea of stepping in and being a Father figure. Me personally, it's a turn off because I'd rather have my own family, where my children have blood ties. That's not to say that it couldn't work out, never say never. But alot dudes wanna date someone without alot of baggage, and having kids or even a kid is indeed baggage.

As for single Dads? If alot of women do think that, it's natural it would be a turn on because it shows that not only he was once capable of being in a relationship, but also is responsible enough to take care of a child, assuming that he's a good father. It kind of answers the mystery of if he would be a good father and husband.

I can't help but think about in movies how the single Dad brings his kid around with him, and the smoking hot 10 that walks up, and suddenly is ready to hit the sack simply cause he has a child lol.

Redpill-mind · 2024-08-04T13:15:09+00:00

This is the same dilemma as to why women prefer married men and vice-versa

GuitarTHCulater330 · 2024-10-27T20:49:48+00:00

I mean no shit I think men like single moms as well (obviously has expectations) but in general it’s not the fact that they have a child that’s attractive it’s how they’re able to take care and be a grown ass adult and not a grown ass child.

Gravel_Roads · 2024-08-04T13:11:55+00:00

Because he's a man who cares about his children enough to be invested. Judging from how many men end up abandoning their children (compared to women), this makes the trait rare and valuable. That suggests he's at least a good man to raise children with.

Women are just expected to care for children, so it's not considered a plus if they do it. Men who say this openly admit think they will have to "compete" with the child for the mother's attention. They'd rather she get rid of the children because they make her less sexy and less available to him.

TL;DR

Women tend to admire men who care about children because it's rare; men don't admire women who care about children because it's expected.

Redpill-mind · 2024-08-04T13:16:55+00:00

If a woman is dating a single dad, it's not the same equivalence as a man dating a single mom

Lanaglu · 2024-08-04T13:23:24+00:00

I think actually both are stigmatised just men to a lesser degree.

My assumption why is men who are single dads have proven they are willing to be responsible and look after their kids rather than abandoning them. So its seen as a sign of good character. Whereas it's just taken for granted a women will look after her kids so men wont see it as a positive, instead some will see it as a moral failing she had sex at all with someone who left her that it must be her fault.

And dont forget the men who are just insecure that a womans had sex.

Seaside877 · 2024-08-04T14:08:10+00:00

This can’t be a serious question. Marrying a single mom unless bringing your own kids (now or eventually) means you’re being cucked to hell.

SaBahRub · 2024-08-04T14:11:16+00:00

Because mothering is standard, fathering is extra

IcyTrapezium · 2024-08-04T13:29:32+00:00

Oh I don’t think they’re viewed as attractive except maybe to single mothers. I dated a single dad once and I vowed to never do it again unless the kids are fully grown. Single parents often don’t have enough time for a full relationship unless they’re rich enough for a nanny. The non-parent is left realizing they’ll never be that important, which makes sense. I wouldn’t want a man to choose me over his kids. But I don’t want a man with kids.

uglysaladisugly · 2024-08-04T15:57:23+00:00

As someone who had a kid very young, I also observed that his father did seem to benefit from having him in the dating area. The biggest difference being that it seemed super normal to everyone that his girlfiend(s) became very involved in helping to raise him while if I did the same, I'm pretty sure I would have been judged very harshly.

But reading these boogeyman stories about single mothers tend to make me laugh because I was always very clear about it and it never hindered my dating process the slightest. But I guess I know why.

Economy-Shake-1448 · 2024-08-04T13:18:08+00:00

Because women are more empathetic and sympathetic than men are.

I got told that I need more compassion when I said that not being a loser is a basic requirement for men. Either be in school/ training for a decent career or have a decent career. This doesn’t mean be wealthy, but it means be stable and have stable ambitions and goals. I was told that I lack empathy about men’s situations and maybe he came from a messed up family or something. I said that I do have empathy, but ir doesn’t mean I would date them.

Meanwhile, often the same men who got mad about a decent career, do diarrhea on single moms. Do they simply not say “no, I can’t date a woman with kids” and move on with their lives? No. They shock, humiliate, degrade, and hurt. They go out of their way to tell these women that nobody wants them. They seek them out on social media to troll, attack, and hurt. They are jealous that they aren’t the dads of the kids. They consider the biological dads to be “alpha fucks” and the step dads to be “beta bucks” and even go out of their way to hurt and embarrass the stepfathers, calling them every name in the book. They also openly boast about manipulating these single moms into casual sex or commitment free relationships and feel no guilt about doing so because “she deserves it, she’s a single mom”. They don’t have empathy at all. They don’t consider maybe her life was messed up or she came from a messed up family or was in an abusive dynamic or something. No. They just want their revenge and to hurt.

Women don’t think that way. Women will just say “oh no thank you, this isn’t for me” and move on. We have more polite and kind values and empathy and tact.

HmanTheChicken · 2024-08-04T14:08:50+00:00

Women are just better people than men /s

steinnit · 2024-08-04T14:25:55+00:00

Largely due to the fact that single dads tend to have less involvement in the upbringing of their children, so their new partner is less impacted.

Some men are also willing to get with anyone, even if it means settling for bringing up the child of another man.

Makimot · 2024-08-04T19:03:56+00:00

Many of those who consider themselves single fathers and yet they are not raising the children all by themselves must have been cheaters or emotionally abusive to their children's mother.

CarHungry · 2024-08-04T21:08:39+00:00

It's not a plus so much as women generally just don't care, or it's the same reason women hit on married men, aka social proof.

As for single mom's, like someone pointed out, you're more likely to be expected to help her raise the kid at some point, raising kids simply isn't masculine, there's little social or legal rewards for men like there is for women, especially if it isn't your own kid, as a father you have to have a pretty strong bias/bond with your kid to want to stay proactively in their life, which is why alot of men don't stick around. It sucks, it should change, but that is my interpretation of it in a general sense as a single dad myself.

MSlingerW · 2024-08-04T21:51:23+00:00

The single dad has been vetted by another woman and deemed suitable for both partnership and fathering her child. That means he must have something of value in a woman’s eyes.

On the opposite side a single mom made a bad decision and got pregnant with some dude who left her or failed at being a good partner/spouse.

Now you, as a man dating her, is stuck with that emotional baggage plus another man’s child to take care of. It is simple biology and how we are wired. A man can’t just go out and become a father over night like a woman can.

FrodoCraggins · 2024-08-04T23:57:09+00:00

Because single dads have to be extremely upstanding individuals worthy of custody to even have a chance of getting it, while single moms get it by default.

Hour_Bit8029 · 2024-08-05T01:00:54+00:00

Because a single mom is more associated as a financial burden (as men are more expected to pay for shit) whereas a single dad is seen as fine because men already are associated with getting money, so he isn't viewed as a liability.

wishing_to_globetrot · 2024-08-05T01:03:18+00:00

Although I know what I'll say is not always the case but they are generalizations.

Women like single dad's because can show maturity and that he's a caregiver as women naturally look for a man who is strong but caring and stability.

Men don't really like single moms because they don't want to deal with the ex, the kid (in some cases), the risk of having less sex, a handful of single moms don't want another kid while the father might want to, some single moms brag about their "independence" so it might be looked upon as a kind of risk to the man, men might not want to deal with the baggage.

Fun-Grapefruit6916 · 2024-08-04T14:30:57+00:00

Because being a whore is not attractive to any man.

bluepvtstorm · 2024-08-04T13:54:58+00:00

Single dads are not attractive. They are as bad or worse than single mothers. They complain about having to pay child support. They want to off load parenting to the person without a child. They never have enough money to fully contribute. They take the joy of major life milestones. Your relationship time is always on someone else’s schedule. There is another person that has control over what happens in your life.

If I wanted to have kids, why would I want to have a kid with someone that will compare my experience to someone else’s? I would never want to be pregnant by a man that has done it before. All the joy and wonder you get out of it is less magical for them.

Nope. Single dads are way less attractive than single moms.

Why does it seem that Single Dads are viewed as 'somewhat' attractive by the average woman, while Single Mom's are viewed as 'somewhat' unattractive by the average man?

Comments

single father

noun

single father

noun