Q4M: Would you date someone who fetishizes you? Why or why not?

AtomicMonkeyTheFirst · 2025-04-04T03:31:25+00:00

Whats the difference between fetishising something and just being attracted to something?

Does a woman who likes guys with beards have a fetish for beards?

southwestheat · 2025-04-04T04:41:49+00:00

Works for me!

WanabeInflatable · 2025-04-04T03:38:24+00:00

So she is obsessed with a category of men, but chosen me specifically. I see no problem.

I would not date outright crazy, but having a fetish is not necessarily crazy.

firetrap2 · 2025-04-04T08:21:47+00:00

If I didn't date women who fetishized very tall men I'd be a 40 year old virgin.

abaxeron · 2025-04-04T11:52:45+00:00

Would you date someone who fetishizes you?

Yes.

Why or why not?

Because I am not a woman.

It is very common for women to have a man say to them, "I love your hair / eyes/ face / boobs / ass / whatever", and hear "I don't love you and don't care about you as a person" instead.

It doesn't follow, it has never followed, it will never follow.

I have a trait that makes her hormones boil. Sweet. Let's boil some more.

just_a_place · 2025-04-04T04:40:53+00:00

Yes.

Because it means she likes me already - fetish or no fetish. 🤨

The fetish question itself is actually meaningless. As a man I couldn't care less why she likes me, it only matters that she does.

[By the way, the chick in the video's got the Eyes of Ibad, she's clearly on the melange]

Garfagnana · 2025-04-04T03:49:07+00:00

I’ve dated and have hooked up with Asian women who clearly had a White guy fetish. It never bothered me in the slightest, since it got me laid ¯_(ツ)_/¯

No-Cable9636 · 2025-04-04T08:35:43+00:00

I don't mind it at all

M3taBuster · 2025-04-04T05:27:30+00:00

Sure, why not? As long as she also likes me as a person, idgaf.

Guilty-Marzipan1058 · 2025-04-04T05:44:32+00:00

I think if men had a fraction of the choices that women had, more men would have a problem with it like women do.

antariusz · 2025-04-04T05:25:03+00:00

Oh no, hot milfs in my area really like autistic men with world of Warcraft addictions…. lol. The entire premise is so laughable. Women and men are not the same, this question doesn’t work when gender flipped.

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-04-04T06:23:44+00:00

A fetish is just a restriction/an extreme of attraction so I don’t see how it can really be anything but a positive thing.

OmoshiroiKudamono · 2025-04-04T07:02:14+00:00

Of course. "You canNOT negotiate attraction."

I got the physical interest locked in. Which gives us time and room to let us judge our personalities. If I was not attractive to her, I would eventually be a dancing chore monkey anyway. I would have to tread carefully around the "ick" minefield.

TheNattyJew · 2025-04-04T12:10:10+00:00

I've red the "fetish" complaint from some women before, and I have to say, I just don't get it. If someone has a type, and you are the type they like, what's the issue? I would be perfectly fine with it. To me it seems like "fetish" is another attempt to pathologize something that is perfectly harmless in most cases

Commercial_World_433 · 2025-04-04T18:39:31+00:00

Considering how hard it can be to find a girl who is into you, that's kind of a bonus. Like I would put effort into the relationship, but it's still nice to know I don't have to try so hard because it feels like it's not worth trying these days.

meisterkraus · 2025-04-04T18:43:19+00:00

I don't care.

Separate-Sector2696 · 2025-04-04T02:42:27+00:00

Most men are desperate enough that they don't care

Fun_Push7168 · 2025-04-04T06:47:25+00:00

Absolutely. I'd prefer it.

There's always some quality or combination of qualities that attracted her. Why not let it be an inherent one.

Of course it's going to need to be in combination with other things if I'm going to take it seriously, otherwise I'm interchangeable.

Toxic_LigmaMale · 2025-04-04T14:29:30+00:00

I would hope I fit her fetish

Zabadoodude · 2025-04-04T03:09:23+00:00

Lady clearly has a type, and if I'm that type, then no problem at all.

The part I would find comcerning is the fact she felt the need to keep posting about who she finds attractive. hundreds of posts about it? That's psycho behavior.

SteveSan82 · 2025-04-04T04:24:46+00:00

Never again if it’s for a serious relationship. Because it is usually only a fetish for a certain period of time. As reality sets in she will lose interest

Late_Notice02 · 2025-04-04T04:15:04+00:00

Fuck no. Any time I get the impression that someone is solely interested in my race, I'm out.

It's dehumanizing as fuck, I have no interest in being someone's fantasy in that way. You can prefer or like certain characteristics like dark skin, deep voice, the hair etc but there's a broad line between admiration and dehumanizion and it's not that hard to stay on the former side of it but people still choose to cross it.

wtknight · 2025-04-04T03:06:36+00:00

I married someone who fetishized me and I also fetishized her. It has worked out great. Complaints about "fetishization" is another reason I'd never date an American woman again.

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BlessdRTheFreaks · 2025-04-04T03:06:30+00:00

It would be hot at first, but it would get old if doesn't develop into something more where we both can see each other as full people

Clean-Luck6428 · 2025-04-04T03:10:21+00:00

I’ve been with women with kinks but only one who sought me out for a specific kink. She was incredibly respectful but it was transactional

El_Hombre_Fiero · 2025-04-04T04:19:16+00:00

It's a glass half-full/empty situation. One way to look at it is that they only value your traits first and foremost and not you as a person. The other way to look at it is that they admire that you have additional traits on top of what they're looking for.

Whether I continue to date this person depends on how I met them. If they reached out to me on social media out of the blue, I'd probably be hesitant and likely call things off. However, if I was the one that approached them first, then I think I'd be comfortable continuing the relationship.

I_DOM_UR_PATRIARCHY · 2025-04-04T05:35:19+00:00

It depends which characteristic she's fetishizing. If it's like skin color or something similar, obviously that's gross.

But if she's got a fetish for guys who have lego collections, I'm all about it.

srwat · 2025-04-04T05:38:58+00:00

Aren’t people with specific general qualifiers fetishizing to some degree anyway? (Hair color, eye color, height, being ripped)

I don’t really believe in the concept.

People have preferences. If someone is infatuated with me due to a quality I possess either forged or natural born, that is simply attraction. Same the other way around.

berichorbeburied · 2025-04-04T06:00:35+00:00

Yes

I don’t see the problem with it

Maybe I don’t understand what fetisization is

But if it’s they like me only because I’m me and have traits they like

That’s no different from a man only liking/wanting to be with a woman because she’s a woman

If I understand correctly if I was being fetishized and I lost those traits I would no longer be wanted?

And if a man was with a woman and she no longer became a woman a man would no longer want her

So irdc if I’m fetishized or not

Maybe it would make for a better relationship or situation idk

Odd_Book_9024 · 2025-04-04T08:05:40+00:00

Of course. I have those characteristics.

I don’t see a problem with it.

Dissentient · 2025-04-04T08:25:18+00:00

I fundamentally don't have an issue with it, though it's worth noting that I live in a homogenous country so I haven't seen either men or women act like this in real life.

To me, it It would only be a problem if the immutable characteristic in question was the only criteria by which I was selected, and she didn't care about my personality and interests.

Certain_Process_7657 · 2025-04-04T14:32:01+00:00

Depends on the fetish. If it's like the white lady in the video, I'd just think "easy money", get the check, and take her home but not consider her for an actual LTR since she seems like she has a deep roster.

Exotic_Cheetah5918 · 2025-04-04T15:24:03+00:00

I don’t think I even have any traits that could be fetishized lol, so I have no clue.

Remarkable-Strain157 · 2025-04-04T16:19:43+00:00

Lust fades away over time ,love doesn’t.

SilverSaan · 2025-04-04T17:46:44+00:00

SomeSugondeseGuy · 2025-04-04T20:15:18+00:00

It'd depend on the aspect of myself.

If she fetishizes the fact that I'm:

A nerd? Here for it. Green flag.

White? Weird, orange flag

Works out? Green flag, good to have someone who can properly appreciate that sort of thing

Broke? Further depends.

mrfoozywooj · 2025-04-05T00:53:29+00:00

hell yes, its the best thing ever.

Intelligent-Insight · 2025-04-06T02:14:22+00:00

Of course. If she fetishizes me than she wants me for who I am, not for what I do. If she likes me for race, for example, how cool is that? I am 99.9% sure my race won't change in the future, so one of the things she likes me for is always going to be there. Really don't understand the logic behind not wanting to be fetishized.

ComfortableJeans · 2025-04-04T02:51:08+00:00

My concern would be whether this person likes me for me.

I'm finding myself struggling to put it into words.

If a person who were genuinely in love with me, also happened to be immensely aroused by something some aspect of myself they've fetishized... I don't think I'd have a problem with that. I think I might even enjoy it. Knowing that I light my partner, someone I love and care about that much more and excite them. I would enjoy it, I think.

I also wouldn't hold this fetish against my partner. I highly doubt this is something that people develop out of their own volition. More just something that happens to them.

But, if they didn't love me for me, but were willing to pretend they did in order to fulfill this fetish they had, then I would be very hurt.

I guess the issue is that I wouldn't really be able to tell whether they were in love with me or just using me. Which I wouldn't enjoy.

I would also worry about feeling replaceable. If I'm just interchangeable with some person who happens to have the same characteristic.

I'm a tall man. I understand that might be something some women might be drawn to, psychically. But does that mean she could fall for just any tall man? Would she still love me if I wasn't tall?

I suppose it comes down the the genuineness, and the legitimacy of our relationship and our love.

I'm kind of moving off of the assumption that the love trumps the fetish in terms of replaceability. And that with love, the fetish just becomes a more deeply enjoyed aspect of myself, that the person of who loves me enjoys.

But without the love, it's all unenjoyable to me.

Jesus Christ, that video is awkward to watch.

I apologize for my answer being all over the place, I was trying to piece my way though the scenario I was imaging in my head and how I'd feel about each aspect of it... It's also quite late.

FrodoCraggins · 2025-04-04T02:58:17+00:00

Everyone has a type. If I'm their type and they genuinely like me, I'm completely fine with that. If I'm just an interchangeable cog and they don't actually care about me as a person then it's an issue.

KayRay1994 · 2025-04-04T02:51:11+00:00

Nope - it might be fun at first cause of the attention and sex, but with time you realize they don’t see you as a person nor do they care about your individual wants and needs.

petellapain · 2025-04-04T03:16:38+00:00

Yes, because the overall difference is negligible. Except the woman who doesn't fetishize me will want less sex and more yapping. So now that I think on it, it's better to be fetishized than not

Worrying about being desired just for sex is a strictly female conundrum. Men have to worry about never being desired for sex. So a man being fetishized is the opposite of a problem

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-04-04T02:59:25+00:00

My first college girlfriend pretty much dated and got with me because I’m white and she knew it would piss off her dad. Didn’t realize that till after we broke up. But it explained a lot. It didn’t feel great. It felt less like she was into me and more like “any white boy” woulda done the trick

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2025-04-04T03:05:50+00:00

What is the definition of fetizization? Is it exclusively dating or hooking up with one type of person? lIf a woman only finds men that look like me physically and sexually attractive, why would I or any man have any issue with that?

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-04-04T03:13:53+00:00

Having been fetishized at times for being a mutt, lots of people would see things they liked in what they perceived me to be - in celebrity terms I'm probably closest to a mutt mash up of Adam Driver, Brandon Lee, and James Duval. However, couple that with the fact I'm also not being particularly into Asian features from a looks standpoint...and wanted an American lifestyle with my eventual partner (and not anything where any kind of ancestral customs of any other culture were expected to be upheld)...

...This was a hard nope for me.

And it was usually incredibly obvious when someone met me and the first thing they asked was "what are you" or "are you ____" (where ____ was either a guess or what they were "looking for") or immediately asked about something racial. My answer was always sarcastic - "I'm American" and look at them like they had two heads if they followed up to say something stupid like "no what are you really?" Fuck off with that noise.

NockerJoe · 2025-04-04T03:23:16+00:00

The percentage of people making literally 100 posts in a row thirsting after a given race of people is so low its not a realistic thing to worry about encountering.

Even then though the date is going well by your own words. This sounds like someone who wants to talk themselves out of it and needs an excuse more than anything.

Ok_Use7 · 2025-04-04T04:25:08+00:00

I leave lol, I hate that shit and I hate how it makes me feel.

I already struggle with overwhelmingly dating interracially by chance and not preference and what that does for me socially. I wouldn’t be caught dead with someone who fetishizes me.

vAGINALnAVIGATOR2 · 2025-04-04T07:32:35+00:00

I think the word 'fetish' is often used to describe an atypical attraction. So, if you're into feet, for example, it’s considered a fetish because it’s not a mainstream preference. I don’t see this any differently than people being attracted to typical traits like big arms or abs. If a girl were particularly attracted to something unique about me, something atypical, I’d actually find it kind of special and unique. Honestly, I’d probably prefer a girl who fetishizes me in that way.

Barely-moral · 2025-04-04T02:55:59+00:00

Any is better than none. If the options are her or none. I pick her without a second thought.

If I have some options then I rather avoid someone that can easily replace me.

If the subgroup of men she is "interested" in is abundant and/or likely to give her attention/be interested in her/ be in a relationship with her then I would avoid her.

If the subgroup of men she is "interested" in is rare and/or unlikely to give her attention/be interested in her/ be in a relationship with her then I won the lottery.

EDIT: What I would do. Continue engaging. More data is required. Opportunities lie here.

Kreeps_United · 2025-04-04T03:36:12+00:00

I would be out of there so fast. It's often the people who fetishize you who respect you the least. There was an influencer who had a fetish for black men but physically abused her black boyfriend and eventually killed him.

TERMINXX · 2025-04-05T03:48:50+00:00

Yes. I'd be flattered. Being desired for SOMETHING is better than being wanted for nothing.

KhadgarIsaDreadlord · 2025-04-05T13:59:05+00:00

How is this fetishizing? Why would I care?

Is having a type a fetish now? If it was then why would I feel off about it? This sounds like something a Karen came up with.

In the end of the day people can decide what type of partner they are looking for, even if it significantly limits their dating pool. In the given example I'd be reasured that physical attraction is checked at least.

Rebexl5150 · 2025-04-05T15:08:06+00:00

Me personally idc if they fetishize me or not. Will I take her seriously probably not most men shouldn't take most women seriously in today's landscape. Also there are more important things to worry about in a woman.

power2378 · 2025-04-04T03:23:24+00:00

You've asked this question before I think. My answer hasn't changed yes I would date someone who fetishizes me. I see no reason not to. It's better then the state I'm in right now if anythingI have a better chance with her then any other woman. I would act like I saw nothing and just go about my day.

Actually I think I can explain this even better. You didn't say this but my brain automatically went it's either this girl or no one. Like would I date someone who fetishize me vs no one. There is no one else trying to date me. If she's attractive, not too mentally ill, and somewhat put together I see no reason not to proceed. What's the alternative.

Goonerlouie · 2025-04-04T05:53:36+00:00

I would be concerned that they would leave me for the next guy who meets their fetish. But I do have severe abandonment issues so idk if that’s what is influencing my thoughts

ArtifactFan65 · 2025-04-04T07:00:18+00:00

No, she should only be attracted to me and not other men.

aslfingerspell · 2025-04-04T04:43:19+00:00

I'd be fine with it. Being someone's fantasy is kind of my dream. I find a lot of comfort in the idea that even just a part of me is enough for someone, and that all the other stuff I have is a bonus.

It's empowering that I don't have to be the complete package to be interesting.

Even if the fetish is kind of offensive (like she wants a disabled man to take care of), I could be fine as long as a fine line between fantasy and reality is drawn.

I'd hate to actually be patronized like that, but if my mere existence gets someone going I won't tell them to stop.

AidsVictim · 2025-04-04T09:29:44+00:00

No. It's only a problem if it develops into a more serious relationship where it's clear the person doesn't like you beyond those qualities associated with the subgroup. I'd wager a lot of people are in relationships like that without realizing it.

Title	Q4M: Would you date someone who fetishizes you? Why or why not?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	15
Comments	144
Date	April 4, 2025 2:41 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1jr1hdi/q4m_would_you_date_someone_who_fetishizes_you_why/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-would-you-date-someone-who-fetishizes-you-why.1548543 https://theredarchive.com/post/1548543

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