That’s one of the worst online tropes that gets parroted. Yes, some people will obviously find success with just doing what makes them happy otherwise. But if you’re struggling to find dates, and already have the rest of your life in relative order, your best chances will come by intentionally doing things with the purpose of getting a date out of them.

There is also a weird standard where doing activities to indirectly find dates is criticized. Like men are discouraged to volunteer, go to a dance class, or join a run club in order to find dates. But I’ve never heard of anyone criticize a man for volunteering, going to a dance class, or joining a run club in order to make friends. Or working a job he doesn’t like in order to make money, not because the job itself is good.

I acknowledge there’s nuance, because in the real world if a man makes it obvious he’s at a social activity just to get dates, he’s going to struggle. So he has to go, talk to some women, and not let on the underlying reason he showed up. But there’s nothing wrong with doing that, and it’s a far more effective strategy for dating than just doing what makes him happy on his own, unless what makes him happy on his own is putting him in proximity to women that are good fits for him (in which case he probably wouldn’t seek out dating advice in the first place).